 That's so Marie. Let me ask you a question. Do you ever do you know of any guys who give mixed signals when it comes to dating mating or relating? Yeah, all the time. Oh, really? Like, why do you think men give mixed signals? I think they want to keep women on their toes. They don't know what they want. They want to, I don't know, they want to get in your pants. Yeah, you're covering a lot of them. What does that mean to keep you on your toes? I'm curious. I don't know. Some men just they don't know what they want. So they give you mixed messages. Yeah Well, this is up to you to figure that one out. So isn't that the case? You know, it's it's kind of up to a man or woman because women give mixed signals, too You know, they they give you know, they go out with guys But they clearly put the guy in the friend zone or they go out with men so they can get a free meal You know, that does happen. I know that wasn't you. Okay But mixed signals is something happens and and what's worse with mixed signals is You know the capacity of string someone along because you said being you so I'm gonna share today for our audience the four Categories men put women in when they meet them for the very first time on a date And what's interesting is as I was preparing for this I was actually thinking about this with respect to our first date So I'm curious to hear what you think I did. Well, I think you'll know so well The first category is when a man okay So what I'm about to share is when a man is meeting you for the first time This is where he decides which category you're going to be in and you definitely want to stick There's four of them and I want you to Stick through no, what's the word I'm gonna stand by till we get to the fourth because this is critically important It actually relates to what Marie just said a moment ago So the first category are the men that just want to sleep with you Okay, now that's either a one-night stand sleeping or maybe a friends with benefits type of dynamic Okay, okay now I'm gonna assume that you've had or you have friends who have had guys who come on very strong and Try to sleep with you or someone on the first date. Yeah, okay now I'm sleeping on the first date isn't necessarily a Sign that he's going to you know be a one-night stand, but I would say and would you agree It's probably 99% of the time. It's a one-night stand. I On the first day. Well, I I don't know I didn't do that. So okay, okay So you didn't do that, but I'm just gonna assume that you'll well I would say most everybody would agree with me Usually when a guy is pushing for sex on the first date He either just wants to sleep with you that one time or he puts you in the friends with benefits zone In other words, he's only in it for the sex So, but how do you know that is it possible that he's just testing the waters to see how you respond to something? Oh, you mean making the attempt to have sex with you. Yeah Well, you know, I think even most guys that are serious about relationship are going to you know Throtsome trial balloon sexual innuendos especially for those of us in midlife because those of us in midlife You know, it's like we don't have enough time. We don't have the time to mess around You know and what's worse and I've heard this from women as well They want to actually have sex with a man sooner rather than later because they don't want to end up with a dud Okay, and there's a lot of duds out there, right? Yeah. Well, there's a lot of fixes for the duds Yes, there are fixes, but there are a lot of guys that aren't even good at sex, too There's a lot of guys that are jack-hammers and they don't even know how to find, you know, the spot so to speak Okay, okay. All right. So the next category is the man. Okay, so there's four categories is the is the category where he sees her He has a really good time with her and he says I want to date her. I Want to date her. Okay. Okay. Like honestly when we had our first date I was sitting in the date and I was like I would like to date you. I'd like to explore this I mean, did you get that vibe from me? I Don't remember. I just remember We're both weighing things out. Yeah, but he lives far. I'm not sure but I'll be candid with you I have put women in that I knew right off the bat They weren't the one but they were the one for that night Yeah, I'm gonna make the best of it. Okay, so but the category of a man who wants to explore a relationship What he does different than the man that wants to sleep with you is he paces himself at a different pace He's not rushing the relationship. It's like right. It's kind of like Goldilocks, you know, it's not too much It's not too little. It's just right You know when a man wants to date someone he's not pressuring her if there's a sense of ease with that person I mean, wouldn't you say that happen with us? Yeah, that happened with us. Okay I'm just thinking of this one guy in particular. Nice as guy went out with them gosh quite a few times But they were like weeks apart kind of thing But it was I just felt like it was just too slow Regression, okay, so I you know, I just kind of got bored. Yeah, so that's a good That's so that's a person that we're gonna talk about in the fourth category. Okay Now the third category a guy puts you in on a very first date is I'm just not that into you You know, he's like he's like I'm gonna pass on this person and usually he doesn't follow up on a first date He might say something like oh, let's see each other again or I'll talk to you sooner that sort of thing But that's just because he wanted to get out of there, you know But those men usually are the ones they've already made up their mind They're going to pass and you rarely ever hear from them after that first date and that's just a very that's a category We men do we do we want to sleep with them? Do we want to date them or do we want to pass on them? Here's the category that most women find themselves in today's marketplace dating marketplace And I'm gonna share this with everyone and you're not gonna like what I'm about to say is That he's going to use you and what I mean by use you is these are men who are deeply wounded They have childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas That have gone unhealed and what they oftentimes are seeking occasional companionship occasional connection occasional sex or worse You become his therapist In other words, you're each talking about your wounds and your traumas With each other you feel like you're bonding with this person and this happens a lot of times in cyber connections It amazes me how many people have text relationships and not actually physical relationships with them Have you known friends of yours that have experienced that? Oh, yeah From people overseas too, and it's like well, when are you going to? Tunisia Like when are you gonna go to Germany or France now? I want to differentiate between the scam artists that are pretending that they're overseas But I'm talking about even here in the United States where two people connect sometimes its distance They've gone through a contentious divorce or they're going through a contentious divorce Or they've gone through a breakup and you begin to have conversations with them talking about their past Relationships, but they're actually using you as their therapist and that's a category that men are Unconsciously choosing see the first three categories. I want to sleep with you. I want to date you Or I just want to pass on you. Those are conscious. It's these men which are doing this Unconsciously using you because they're operating from a place of having their own needs met What do you have and do you have any thoughts on this on the men that use women and They don't do it intentionally is what I'm now and you know when you're dealing with wounded people Yeah, you just don't know what's gonna happen and plus they're they're seeing other people They're they're doing all these meet and grits, too So they're also weighing you out based on the person they met yesterday or the day before and stuff So it's not Sometimes you don't have a chance even before you get there. Well, okay, so there's the wounded man Who's out there dating but there's a lot of wounded women out there dating. I mean, believe me I I I've gone on so many first dates and I mean I could literally I can share with you Oh, you might like this or you may not like this I could be sitting across a woman on a first date and I could see every man that's ever hurt them Standing right behind them on the first date. You didn't see that with me. Did you? All right, so you willing to allow me to be a little bit forthright with our eyes. No No, I first I because we spent time unpacking our past relationships I briefly wondered if you were stuck in those relationships What impressed me was and both folks I really would like to lean into this for a second Marie had done something in her childhood called Life spring, okay, which was I think it was a akin to Landmark and it was came from s the people that started right. Yeah, so folks if you're not familiar with s This is one of the first personal development Workshops that came out in the 60s and the 70s that eventually Turned into life spring or there was a derivative of that and then now S turned into landmark now I had done something called the Hoffman process I done inside Institute, but it wasn't that just that you did life spring It's that you did the naked divorce and naked recovery Do you mind talking about I did I did life spring when I was 18 And that started me in like the right direction because I had a lot of childhood issues to deal with But the naked divorce is the one that I chose to do right after I got divorced because it was you know it was a very painful divorce and I Knew I needed to heal from that or I wasn't gonna be able to move forward I wasn't in any position Just emotionally to even contemplate dating. Yeah, and it was the best thing I did By the way, I put the banner right there for everyone to see so you worked with Adele Adele is amazing And she had she offers different types of programs now. They've really expanded but Adele I I cannot recommend her enough She's just great and she I Thought you know, I'm just one of thousands of people that she that she Has has treated you know been in this program I did a one-on-one program with her in in Thailand because I just wanted to go away to do that and When we spoke with her. Yeah, we actually talked about a few months ago And I mean she remembered everything about me and I'm like gosh. Oh my gosh, you remembered your past relationship Everything and I didn't see her taking any notes So why I'm by the way folks in the description below is a link to check out the naked Discovery naked recovery naked divorce why I'm bringing this up is and it comes back to what I said I was evaluating you were you over that were you over your past relationships to hear that you had done healing in this? Tells me that we all have residue from our past relationships. We have residue It's just natural to have that little bit of slime from it if you will and I don't mean that in a contentious way But for some people it's not just slime They are covered with residue from their past relationships, and it makes them very difficult to lean into a new relation And a new relationship also brings up things that you didn't know They just trigger certain things. Yeah So coming back to you know the category men put women in I'm bringing this up because Here's the thing and I said this in a video the other day Most men are good people ladies. They are good people. They're not evil most men aren't evil people I think men. Yeah, I think men are trying to protect themselves as well. Okay, so You know some guys come off as you know, hey, you know, hey, baby You know the joy from friends are you doing and yet then when you get to know It's like they're not like that. That was just this But I'm really talking about the wounded men the guys who go slow the guys who have been hurt my point in bringing this up is Just because a person is not emotionally mature has poor relationship skills That doesn't make them a bad human being it just makes them a human being We are all riddled with flaws women are riddled with flaws men are with riddled with flaws The problem with this is these men are Unconsciously putting you in the category of using and you're not aware of it. So how do we spot these guys? Okay, that's the real question How do we spot the men who are what I call the spenders and these are men who want to spend time with you? But they're incapable of a deeper commitment. These are the men who are wishy-washy Well, one of the reasons why I created my private coaching and why I help thousands of women attract great Relationships in their life is I want to teach you how to weed out the men who are going to put you in this user category So by the way, there's a link in the description below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Here's a couple signs They've gone through a contentious divorce or they're going through a contentious divorce Have you ever met a man that was going through a nasty divorce? Oh, yeah, and did he angry angry, right? Very angry and you start. Hmm. How does he manage this anger when he already gets comfortable? Okay, so, you know the thing is a lot of women and ladies you oftentimes do this you go Well, I'm not the person who hurt him. I'll be his savior Okay, someone who's going through a contentious divorce, okay What about and I'm gonna share with my own personal life after I lost my quarter million dollar I used to be insurance broker 20 years ago, okay, it's got actually 18 years ago. I was an insurance broker I started doing this about 15 years ago But back then I lost my quarter million dollar your job I was emotionally devastated and I didn't know how I could even take care of myself So in that space I wanted companionship. I wanted connection. I wanted sex But there was no way I could commit to someone because I couldn't take care of someone. That's another thing if they're not financially in a good place It's one of the fundamentals of being I'm gonna say being a man is that ingrained Feeling of being the provider and protector and not that we have to pay all your bills But we have to want to take care of you Hmm, and if a man isn't in a good place in his life if the ground underneath him doesn't feel solid He's gonna put you in the category of using you and what I mean is he because he wants some companionship He wants some connection. He wants sex, you know, but he's gonna be wishy-washy So those are the two telltale signs the other telltale sign is people that we talked about covert incest before So there are men and women who have an emotional bond to one of their children such a high emotional bond to one of their children that they use their child as their therapist and unfortunately this child can be the Can be the the linchpin in making the relationship a disaster, right? Okay, and and you're saying that from personal experience. So Folks we have to be really mindful that just because someone's a good parent doesn't mean that they don't have an unhealthy Relationship with their child. So I highly recommend checking out emotional incest Google that or covert incest because a lot of people Literally put their emotional well-being on their child because they're so deeply wounded And they haven't healed from their childhood wounds or their adult traumas and usually that adult trauma is a divorce Medical issues that's another one, you know people that have medical issues They can't fully show up in a relationship and the fact the matter is for our age demographic You know the the clock is shorter in front of the path in front of us is shorter than the path behind us but they're not gonna be forthright in in Personal medical issues not even I mean people that are an emotional wreck and they they put on this great front And now when you get to know them then you realize this person is not Ready for anything. Well, I think okay, so you're right and this is the tricky part This is why I teach radical honesty Prequalifying your prospect. This is all about asking the deeper questions asking medical questions, you know I don't think people lie per se, but they might hide the truth Well, everybody's in fear that they'll be rejected because of it. Sure. I know women who have been concerned whether they have you know a You know MS Lyme disease that sort of thing fear But it's also addressing that and sharing how this may or may not affect the relationship You know in some cases it may not have any material bearing on the relationship but when I'll share I'll share my situation, okay I have essential tremor and it's hereditary and There are medications that that tame it and basically I just shake but someone that that doesn't know that it's benign They'll think that I have Parkinson's or something so I mentioned that early on because I was changing a medication and and then you know it was showing up more and You did you told okay? Well, right? So let me share this part of the story. So I remember Marie her hand was shaking on our first date and I'm like, oh, that's kind of interesting and I was like asking you about it I thought I was nervous and I'm like, oh, she's nervous No, so she shared with me. She has what's known as essential tremors are also known as benign tremors In fact, isn't it odd? We know like four people now that have that. Okay, so I was telling my my dear friend Tammy about this She's like my my wing woman if you will and she's like wait a minute. You don't want to get involved with a person that has medical issues Well, I did my own research, but I immediately said this to Tammy I like you too much not to want to explore this in spite of what I saw And who am I to say I have hypertension, you know, I'm on medication. So my point is though our medical Where we stand in our health can directly affect how much we can give in a relationship So this isn't it's imperative to Recognize first off you're gonna tell the guy you're gonna be able to figure out the guys who want to sleep with you pretty quickly They come on strong and they disappear the guys are not interested in you You don't have to worry about that they don't follow up on a date The men who want to date you they pace it at a good progression. They have their life together They have their shit together and they pace the relationship in a very nice tempo It's the users you have to be what you have to be Mindful of and these are the wishy washy men. They're inconsistent. They have uncertainty in their life They have they usually have contentious Relationships with X's and I'm here to say I don't want you to get used So do a better job vetting people in the early stages It's all dating is about screening vetting and filtering in and filtering filtering in the right prospect and Filtering out the wrong one. Is this sinking in? All right, do you have anything to share before we take questions? Okay, folks I hope you got value from what I shared with you if you did I'd like to hear your thoughts on this post To comment below also if you did get value from this, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and by the way the link below Scheduled discovery call with me check out my group all that good stuff now We're gonna be taking questions in a second Those who know my format if you have a question Write the word question and then post the question thereafter or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign in the chat box All the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley that's a picture of him in the woody outfit right there He's my son who passed away almost five years ago In fact today is his birthday and the reason why I had Marie on a second time this week is I really wanted some Emotional support today. So thank you for being here Folks I will be candid Anyone who's a parent knows that our greatest fear Isn't is losing our child because we are given the assignment to be their protectors at any age You know, I'm sure with your children. They're in their mid 30s You are still mama bear protecting your their cubs to you. Yeah, and so it is a painful experience to know I couldn't protect him from his eventual Transition in life But at the same time I chose to grieve with love and that means to honor him is to do what I'm doing for a living I wrote my book. What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work And I just want to share Where's the back cover? Oh? Bear with me. He's right there in the back cover. This book was inspired by him. His nickname is salty and I'm sharing this with everyone because Self-love is an antidote to suffering and I don't believe I could have Navigated the loss of my son if it wasn't for all the work I did in advance and then the book was a way that I could give back a Reflection of him and so being on this video tonight It's because I get inspired by him and every video because I love being able to make a difference in people's lives So thank you so much with that All right, let's talk about let's see if you have questions write the word question All right, let's see if we have any questions. Oh leaf says by the way Leafs in the house Thank you so much and thank you for that email. I really appreciate it. She says covert incest Oh, it's a nightmare either the grown boy and his mommy or the grown boy and his daughter grown man Okay, I get it boy. What a waste of time exactly this is true for men that usually have it with their daughters And it's usually the mother that has it with their son So and you know from personal experience Okay Let's see Estat says 90% of men hook up for sex only You know what there is a sad reality today I believe dating sites these these things are devices the swipe devices has literally created a culture of hookup and Sadly easy sex the reality is is today a man doesn't have to make much effort These days to get laid. I'm sorry. That's kind of doesn't that's why it's up to you to decide whether That's something you want or you don't I that wasn't part of who I was and So I I just didn't go for that because I always think look I have just as many options as they think they have so Just as many options as they think they okay, I like that Yeah, we met you know, it's funny. I think the internet has created created this Perceived choice. We feel like we have all these options, but the reality is is we really don't if we boy I mean certainly a beautiful woman is probably gonna get hit on by thousands of men and a man who's wealthy tall dark and handsome He's gonna have his pick of a little jet and a jet. Okay. Thank you for reminding me of the jet I'm by the way. I'm ready to buy mine now. It's a little tonka toy jet Okay, but the the reality is is these days dating dating apps have literally turned 90% of opportunities into casual Hookups or casual relationships and what I mean by casual relationships is These user type of relationships and ladies a lot of you are are Engaging this as well and one of the things I see a significant percentage is cyber relationships I can't begin to I can't begin to count how many women are allowing what I call cyber relationships These are relationships where you're spending months months if not years Communicating via text message only rarely on the telephone Rarely on the telephone incessant communication and it's usually always the same thing morning handsome morning beautiful. Hey beautiful Hey, handsome. How's your day? What's going on in your day? It's just this Incessant dopamine hit through text messaging and it's not really creating bonds with another human being and so coming back To the user a lot of you women are also in the category of you're being used And you're also using it for that dopamine hit because the reality is is if you want to have a Day in day out relationship, and I'm physically touching Maria to Demonstrate this you have to physically see each other on a regular basis. Otherwise, you know, what's the point? Even you said listen we had distance involved in our dynamic you even said, you know The only way this is going to work if one of us lives near each other And you wanted to get out of chicago And I have kids here, so I've made sense for me even though you rather live in florida And that's a possibility once callin is a little more grown. All right, let's see what questions we have here Oh tallya says thank you jonathan marie for being so vulnerable with us today I keep connor in my prayers and i'm sending all love your way you make a difference. Oh, thank you so much We appreciate that All right, let's see what questions we have Oh, I love this marie. Can you show us your beautiful necklace? Oh, it's just a little diamond heart. I've had this for many years All right. Emma has a question We are in a long-distance relationship text only communication Oh Okay, he sends regular a smile for you message with his face pics sometimes voice messages when I request him to call Doesn't respond Why Why what one possibility is he's married When they don't want to speak or they can't FaceTime I'm gonna guess most of them are married I had a girlfriend that was with a guy and he would fly her places too and I said, you know I think he's probably married. Oh, no Fast forward two years He was married. He's probably still married. Yeah, you know, it's interesting when we uh, it was a previous video I shot where someone asked a question. Why would a man turn off his phone on a date? And I didn't know the answer to that I was like and then what a lot of people were writing in the comments is because he's married And he's turning off that, you know, like how I can track your tesla We don't have that 360 app. She just happens to have a tesla and I'm on the app as well. So I I know where you're at I have nothing to hide Neither do I I mean our phones are out, you know with each other, but and we're we live together, but my point is Okay, first off you only have a text communication and your conversation is Smile for you. Okay. That's a tiny dopamine hit. You're experiencing that moment that makes you feel good Okay, and I understand we all want to feel good, but the bottom line is this It isn't real Until you're physically in each other's presence It is and by the way, it takes j shetty. We were watching a j shetty video the other day But he says it takes 40 hours of face to face time just to begin to get to know someone And I've always said it takes a hundred hours of face to face time And when I mean by face to face time, I mean quality face to face time To build the first layer of trust and j shetty goes on to say it takes 200 hours of face to face time Doing social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends To develop a friendship with someone we can't do that via text messaging. It's called artificial intimacy So ma stop it Okay, that's my two does everyone agree with me regarding ma. Please let me know All right ronda writes a question Question for you both. Why would my friend suddenly stop calling me when he used to used to each day all day long I asked him and he said everything is fine. Then suddenly he's busy. He's always called no matter Um, I think he found another shiny object. Hmm. That's possible Okay, he's either found another shiny object Or he could be so deeply wounded that he it's reached a saturation point for him This happens when a man's emotional capacity is only in relationship to how healed he is on the inside So people who are emotionally wounded or have unhealed adult traumas They have a small capacity for connection. And yeah, they can text and call all day long Okay, but then it reaches a saturation point and they pull back. Okay Here's the thing. Wanda. Do you want to have a here's a question? I have for you Do you want a day in day out relationship where you physically go to the movies together? Or you go to dinner together or you spend time with friends together We're going away this weekend with a group of friends. That's called living life Doing it over text messaging. Yeah, it's experiencing a dopamine hit But is that going to be with you? Is that going to be the person that will wipe the vomit from your face if you're going through chemotherapy? Is it going to be the person that takes you to the shoulder doctor because you've got frozen shoulder? Is it the person that's going to drive you to You know the doctor's appointment because you're you're taking a volume that day and you're out of it See, that's at least in my world. That's what matters most Wanda. So that's what I invite for you Uh Susan says Jonathan I've been following you for about a month now and I can't thank you enough I have learned so much about me and mostly myself. Yay, man. I'm happy for you Hey, I've got to give props to bruni in memory of saltis birthday everyone Thank you so much for those super stickers super chats. We really appreciate and by the way We are going to be donating all of tonight's money that we get into Will you tell talk about seeds of love for just 30 seconds 30 seeds of love? It's a orphanage for children that have been abandoned and They are going through a terminal illness such as cancer and this is in columbia and Anybody that wants to know about maybe we should post that even though it's in spanish because I want The one lady asked us where it was right. We'll get the link. So the next time we talk about it I'll put that it's a really really sad situation. But um, or we're doing what we can Okay, thank you so much bruni. We really appreciate it Oh, we got to thank talia for the six dollar nine nine cents super sticker. Yay. I can't wait to donate that money All right, let's keep going. Oh, okay. Nancy What about the friend zone a guy likes you but dates you long distance to get to know you before sex Okay, so friend zone typically means I like you but I don't want to explore a relationship with you Now for men friend zone can be I like you and I want to sleep with you Okay, when a woman puts a man in the friend zone, that's usually because she doesn't want to sleep with them But she likes all the benefits he provides like taking her out to dinners and spending time with her and giving him male energy So when a woman typically puts a man in the friend zone, it's I don't want to sleep with you When a man puts you in the friend zone, it clearly usually means I don't want to commit to you. However, if you'll sleep with me, that's okay too. Does anyone remember the movie harry met sally Yes, do you remember that? Okay. Do you remember the conversation sally had about men can't sleep with women Men can't be friends with women because they want to sleep with them Well, I think a lot of men think that way. Okay, and then she goes on What about the unattractive women he goes I want to sleep with them too Oh Okay men's threshold for who they sleep with is so much lower than their threshold or who they want to be in relationship with Coming back to the categories men put we know on the very first date Are you some we someone we just want to sleep with someone we want to date someone we don't want to see again And unfortunately the dysfunctional men put every woman in the user category Well, they actually can put them in anyone No, the wishy washy men can only put you in the category sleeping with you or using you. Okay But based on what you say all men Probably want to sleep with you if you're gonna Allow that to happen Well, you know, I mean You know, I would you have said no If you if I if I if I well if you said I want to sleep with you john, no, I wouldn't have said no But you know, you thankfully you have a lot of class So um with that said um I still actually if you did I would have been saying no no no no no no no and then I would have said yes Because I wanted to pace it because I liked you and when you like someone we don't want to screw it up Okay, okay. All right. Camille asks Are you going to marry each other? How long will you wait? Are you going to have an engagement party first? Is it okay to do so after divorcing and having kids? So I think we just like where we're at right well, I'm gonna let you answer this one I don't think I'm ready to To contemplate getting married yet And I'm not saying that it won't happen. It's just right now We're still we're still to know each other. It's not it's not getting I feel like we know each other. I feel like There's there's no rush at our age There's no real rush because we're both capable of financially taking care of ourselves So we have that cover in other words. You're not dependent upon me. I'm not dependent upon you Second there are some legal ramifications associated with marriage at this age And so these are things to have conversations about and I think we will have those conversations I know we're gonna be here for two years Because we signed a lease. There's no timeline Yeah, I don't I don't feel it. You know, it's like when you're younger. Well, I got married so young that I never dated so But when you're younger you're you're thinking of a family and a building alive and you know, I've already had all of that So I don't I don't feel the need that oh, we got a rush to get married But let me just say this and I can only speak for myself. I am fully committed to this relationship I adore and love this woman. I think you're fantastic and I do want to go the distance with you So and I hope you feel the same. Of course, I do. Um, I wouldn't have come this far Yeah, you know Marie made a big move coming out here So I give her a lot of props for that and you know what? I think like anything in life the you know, god universe spirit when the time is right We'll we'll definitely Be doing that. Okay. We'll know. Yeah All right, laurenny says or laurenna says question if you're not physically attracted to someone But they have desirable attributes. What are your chances of that relationship working out? You know what came to mind when I said that Did you ever see the movie revenge of the nerds? Oh, yeah Okay, there was this nerd that had a thing for the cheerleader and that cheerleader had no Physical attraction for that guy. He was a nerd. He was a nerd But she found himself uh in a dark place and she ended up sleeping with him without knowing it And he was such a great lover. She's like, what was I thinking? I love nerds now, you know, the thing is my feeling is this Men tend to fall in love through their eyes, you know, we are physical creatures But men women tend to fall in love between the ears and what I mean to say is If he has good character if he's kind if he's generous if he's a giver If he is a grown-up if he's emotionally respond if he's emotionally and physically responsible And you don't barf when you're looking at him Then I would give that guy a chance, you know, you you know, like you're not necessary You have never been you've told me you've never been picky so picky about looks It was more about their character. Yes And I I was with someone that uh was a long-term relationship and At first I just didn't see it but the more I spoke with him the more attractive he became um Unfortunately, it's the same one that became that I didn't even know it existed that there was other issues Yeah, well, let's not go down that road. Okay, so larney. I say, you know what if he's got really good qualities character And you don't barf when you're looking at him. Give him a chance. You might be surprised All right Right mccoy hill says a few text messages. I have with the head guys go. I miss you. I really like you We hardly know each other. Okay. I think what she's saying is why would a guy say I miss you? I really like you when we hardly know you. Okay. Here's the thing We men can experience what's known as limerence or limerence or lust lust is I want to have sex with you Limerence is I'm extremely infatuated with you and when we're feeling like even with you I was I was enthusiastic after our first date now I didn't love bomb you, but I was like I like you Do you remember I said that I like you and you even said the same thing to me So it's not uncommon when someone is feeling a sense of it Connection we're enthusiastic about it. It's really you have to notice the difference between Is he vomiting it or is it just spreading it out like, you know watering a plant? Okay At least you have to be mindful of that. That's what I would say in that particular case All right. What other questions do we have? Okay, here we go. Michelle says My boyfriend Using me if he wants to move in with me in my town home He does not have his own place and has been going on for two years. I know he has moved with his past girlfriend as well So I think your question is is he using me because he wants to live with you? Um, do you have any gut thoughts on that? Well, this is the first time I've ever lived with somebody so I don't I don't really know I mean Only other person I ever lived with I married her so I'm here So, okay So I do believe that there are a significant percentage of men and women This isn't singular to men but men in particular that are down on their luck financially or struggling financially And they seek out someone to support them to some degree maybe not fully But to take advantage of someone else's wealth. Let's face it women have done this through eons Okay to some degree. I'm not throwing women under the bus completely But I'm saying women have used men for their resources and now men are beginning to use women for their resources What you really have to ask yourself Is he a genuine human being? Is he a giver? Does he invest in the relationship? Is he kind? Does he have good character? Those are the questions you should be asking because just because someone may need your resources doesn't mean that they're a taker However, there's a good chance depending on how emotionally stable he is he might be using you So those are all good questions. I invite you to ask of yourself. So michelle. Thank you so much for that question You know, I I have a cousin that was living with a guy and it took her three years to get him to move out She couldn't get him out of there. Oh, well, that's a good point Yeah, you know, there is I mean the minute you move in with someone you become they become a tenant Right and he said well sue me really And then he moved in with somebody else and that person tried to get rid of them And what they did is they shut down the internet she left for the weekend shut off the internet shut off the electrical Oh, that's a great idea shut everything off and then change the locks and you know, and he's gonna have to find a place to live Yeah, so I once had a piece of property I owned and I was evicting the person You know what he did? He moved into the garage and barricaded himself Oh, and so then I had the garage door taken off And the police were there and then people started to rummage through all this stuff And then I almost got sued for allowing that to happen Oh, jeez. So, you know Marie brings up a good point if you're gonna choose to live with someone I would do a Fair amount of vetting And when I ground check background checks because remember most of the time we're meeting total strangers I I know we didn't feel like strangers But I had a significant social media footprint I had a a google god. I have a google footprint, but you know 10 miles long and with you You know, I got a sense of who you were based on, you know Your children and the other facets within your life folks It is imperative To remember that when we're meeting total strangers you need to meet people that know the person To determine if they're of good character good character is like one of the fundamental Things you should be vetting for early on and not what someone tells you about them Do your own research you did background checks. Yeah so Hey, Nicole says Can you read that? Marie you're looking gorgeous tonight. Oh, thank you I know when she was getting ready. She didn't feel that way. So I wanted to share that with everyone 15 minutes Um Leaf is letting us know there are some issues with the super stickers. So but uh, thanks for letting us know leaf We really appreciate it. Okay Let's see Here we go My niece lived with someone for years when she was a student. She didn't want to leave her parents. They're a nightmare She was using this guy for accommodations. This is very common You know, I think it boils down to one of the things I've observed with particularly women And only because I work with women so I mean I I I know the male side of it, but what I notice with women Is they oftentimes have a fantasy of what they want And like they have an idea of what they want But they really don't know how to concretize that That's one of the reasons why I created my private coaching because what I do Is take what's the floating in your head the fantasy and concretizing it Based on your values your lifestyle and more importantly your emotional maturity and You know, I think people don't spend enough time really talking about their values in the early stages We did we we did a ton when we did our three day unpacking session That was all about our past relationships, but more importantly our values You know, what were the things most important like like one of my top values is punctuality Now I got to share with you with everybody and I give you a little bit of Marie is so what's the word? I'm looking for you're not professional. You're there's another word for it. You're You're really responsible When you say you're going to do something you'll do it like tonight You'll help me, you know shoot the video and you were here one minute on you know, you were on time, you know But my point is when like to me punctuality Responsibility is one of my highest values. You know, I'm very particular about when I have client calls I'm always calling them 30 seconds before the actual time so that by the time the ringer comes It's actually at the time. I'm anal retentive about punctuality like that But you're equally You're responsible. You're not irresponsible with time I I couldn't stand dating the women who are absolutely always late. It drove me nuts So it was one of it's one of my top values one of my other top values is you know Being of service, you know doing what I do for a living. This is a high value for me And I think what you appreciated about me is my values What I appreciate about you is your value to your value with family how important that is how your health is important to you And I was sharing with Marie the other day her sense of adventure I mean, she's ready to go on like 25 trips to the next year You know, at least a dozen trips and it all starts with A thought and you're like, wow, wouldn't it be great if oh, let me let me look it up What can we do? By the way, we have to plan that Costa Rica trip in two months I did want to say something. I was cleaning out some old files and I found a notebook where I wrote all my My values what I was looking in What I was well, that's right. Yeah, you shared that with me. Yeah, I'm like, look at this It's all the stuff that we talked about So it's important to really know your own values Also, how to articulate your values to another person and then assess does this person appreciate your values? Because not everybody shares their top three or five values with one another so everyone tonight you have an assignment I want you to go later after watching this video I want you to write down your top five values the things that are most important to you in your life And make sure that's part of your conversation your repertoire when you're actively dating. Are you with me? Give me a thumbs up Right. Nicole writes My boyfriend long distance of 21 months says he doesn't have a date and plan as to when he will move gets mad Says it's never a good time to talk about it. How do I make it so it's finally get my answer I don't think it's about getting an answer. It's just it's not happening. It's up to you Do you want to stick around until he maybe decides? Well, I would cut off sex and I'd cut off communication and I'm being radical here. Okay I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek. Okay. First we have to assess how frequently do you see each other Is this a relationship where you see each other? Once every six months once every three months once a month or do you see each other regularly? If you're seeing each other regularly, then I think it's important to have those conversations Which you're attempting to do and you may want to cut off intimacy until you actually have a plan with one other I'm sorry to be so draconian about this But ultimately look until you actually decide You've been together. What is it 21 months? Play months. That's a significant amount of time. Listen. I'm a listen we didn't explore our relationship We when we agreed we were going to explore our relationship together We put a plan in motion within the first hundred days. We put a plan in motion. Okay You have to the fact that it's taken this long the real question is Does he really want a long-term commitment with you and the fact that he gets upset and mad at you? Is most likely a sign. He's just a user Yeah, he's gonna make it sound like you're trying to control it But if you're speaking from your heart and this is what you'd like and and if he's not responding to that then It might be time to move on If you speak from your heart and a man gets antagonistic over that That's not a good partner to have in your life. That is a That's a big giant red flag when someone when you're speaking from your heart and then they start Gaslighting you as it sounds like he's trying to do so. Nicole. I'm sending you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug How do you approach the subject if he's disappointed by his performance in bed? Can I ask you to handle that one? I Well, I mean like what would you say okay if there's a performance issue Talk about it again from your heart You know, I'm concerned for you, you know, there are things that can be done Perhaps you should see a doctor about this and just get some advice on that I think starting with sweetheart I really care about you and I can already tell that something is affecting you Is it okay if we talk about this? Oh, that's good. You know start started off by saying honey I care about you and I can tell that something's affecting you. Is it okay if we talk about this? I know this is a touchy subject. This is a sensitive subject, but I want you to know I'm in your corner. I'm your teammate, you know, this happens to us women too. Believe me Oh, that's a woman saying that but you know, but it does happen to women, right? And I think it's important to have conversation so Uh, I really appreciated that you asked that question Andy, uh, and that's how I go about it But you're the diplomat when it comes to things like this All right, uh Leslie wants to tell Nicole draw a line in the sand if he's the right man walking away can work You are worth it. Amen to that Estat says red flags. He's wasting your time most likely um Nicole says, thank you Marie. That's exactly what I'm thinking. Oh, you're very welcome all right hailey Question repost I'm single 42 year old woman with no children I'm finding that men with little children are ruling me out because I'm childless And can't relate and I'm attracted to am I attracting the wrong men? I have thoughts Why don't you go ahead? So I'm going to assume hailey that this has happened maybe once or twice I want you to be careful to make this out to being this is a common occurrence. Okay I I recognize it's probably happened once twice, but I highly doubt that it's happened 37 times Okay, so I want to be clear about that don't make the experience of one or two men being indicative Okay, now I will say this Some men may think you don't appreciate What it might be like to be a parent. Okay, that's certainly a possibility However, I would think the majority of men and maybe you haven't given enough of them a chance Would actually welcome having someone that doesn't already bring their luggage to the table You know, listen, they've got their luggage and if by the way Believe me two households with children is a pain in the ass I mean, I know the Brady bunch made it look really easy, but that is a fantasy So I highly doubt hailey if you are a woman that is the type that men are attracted to I don't think you're going to be rejected by a lot of men. I suspect it's happened a few times So you're not attracting the wrong men and again I suspect there was probably something else happening That she's not aware of Maybe that was their excuse, you know, there There may be Situations when if you haven't had children, you may not understand certain things that come with parenting But I have a son that had never been married and he married someone that was divorced and had a child and I didn't You know, he wasn't taught one way or the other He just thought that this woman was worth investing in Even though she had a child and now he is an absolute amazing partner to and father to this child Because his dad is not in the picture And they're about to have their their second baby together their their third between them and so My son was only in his early. He was 31 when they met so By the way, exactly, you know, you can be a great addition to a man's life So I'm going to say the majority of men like Would almost prefer a woman who doesn't have children so they can become a good Sarah get parent to their children if it's the right woman now unless he has cobert incest going on then she's through Okay All right. Thank you so much for that question. Hailey. We really appreciate it. Ms. Hamilton writes I'm in a long term for two months Wait, I'm in a long term for two months. That's not very long And he's been in the in my state to visit me about three times. I think she means she's in a long distance relationship for two months Okay, three times. He said he will pay for my ticket if I tell him the dates But now he's asking me if I bought the tickets yet So he offered to pay the tickets now. He's reneged I would remind him that you'd love to go Based on him having offered to pay for the ticket. Yeah, I know that's uncomfortable But you know if they already told you that I would call him out on that Yeah, I'd say I'm really curious you offered to you know purchase my tickets and now you've said something different Am I misreading you? This is a great opportunity to create a conversation to get a temperature gauge if you will I'm using that in this venue to get a sense of his character He said one thing and now he's doing something else Actions matching words his actions aren't matching his words. So in a polite way simply say I'm really confused You offered to purchase my ticket And now you've said something different Have I misread something and see how he responds because in that you'll get a sense of his true Character based on how he responds to that Do you agree marie? Yeah, I agree This one is for you marie I sent him a meme in messenger and said that you have special place in my heart sunday night He started pulling away after that. It was just to let him know. I think he's sweet Why do you think a man would do that marie? Why would he start pulling away after she sends something sweet? Um, well, I would think that he's not in that same place and he doesn't know how to respond to it Yeah, I would say this is where it gets really tricky when a woman is being affectionate And a man can't reciprocate. It feels like an overwhelm your emotional You know investment is here and his is here and that space in between can either represent drama from your end Or it could be an absolute avoidance on his end So, uh, it's sweet that you sent that to him But you've already got a temperature gauge of where he is at because he is not able to reciprocate And again, folks, I'm a big proponent. Do all your romantic stuff in person Don't do it on I mean sure you can send a text message. Hey beautiful Hey handsome like we did in the early stages But but romance should be reserved for in person Because then you can tell if they're really investing in you or not, okay Or at least be looking at them in a FaceTime call or zoom or something Um, by the way, hailey wants to thank both of us Appreciate that hailey all right Tal I don't even know how to pronounce that met sb in real life Uh, I've never used apps and 100 dislike the culture. I found out by accident. He has a profile On one site. Does it make it does it make us incompatible or is it okay to give him a chance in real life? Um, what is sb? met sb significant other no, um Okay, so it it sounds like you've met someone in real I'm just going to make an assumption here, although with assumptions and ask out of you and me But I'm just going to take a wild guess here. Okay. This is a person whom you're not actively Physically dating. Okay. I'm just going to make an assumption if two people are physically and actively dating Then one of the things they should do is talk about The online dating world and actually have a conversation to determine if they're both going to take their profiles off The dating sites if they're going to explore a relationship together So in this particular case about giving them a chance until your boyfriend and girlfriend He's a free agent. He can do whatever he wants. You're a free agent. You can do whatever you want But I will tell you men are territorial I wanted you off the dating apps as soon as possible Once we agreed to explore a relationship and while I was reluctant to do the same because it's such a Fucking addictive thing to be on the dating apps. It is such an addictive koala Our experience to swipe swipe and someone likes you and swipe swipe and someone likes you and swipe swipe and someone I needed a weaning off period. So going cold turkey for me helped me wean off and appreciate you more Um responding to that, you know, you met him in person, but then you find out he's on dating apps Well, are you if you're not dating? Of course, he's going to be on a dating app I would still be on a dating app if you know if I just met somebody It doesn't mean that you're in any kind of relationship Now if you really want to explore a relationship with him Then you have that conversation. Do you think that you know, if we're gonna do this I don't know what point you tell me at what point. Do you say that though? It doesn't sound like she wants to do any dating apps So I think before the penis goes inside the vagina. You better have that conversation. Okay I know you don't like me saying that. Okay. She gets a little annoying But my point is before you have sex you better have those well, let me reframe that Before you have regular sex with someone you can also you can certainly have sex one night and never see them again But if you're gonna have regular sex with them, that's the time to talk about that at the latest And certainly you can do that prior to having sex Yeah, I wouldn't like it if someone was on a dating app and I was sleeping with him That's that's just you I knew a friend of mine and I don't want to go too deep on this But he was in he's in a relationship with somebody But he found himself continually swiping for the first six months Since the relationship is because it became such an addictive habit and while he had no interest in getting involved into anyone It just can be such an addictive thing. I had to go cold turkey because I was so addicted to the thing I'm gonna own it. I was addicted to dating apps Okay, by the way sb stands for somebody. Oh somebody in real life. So I didn't know what that meant. Good to know. Thank you McCoy goes on to say yes, men can be territorial. I know I am Although, you know, it's interesting. I'm territorial with you, but I'm not jealous Yeah, I'm not jealous or possessive. Yeah, but I'm not you know why because I trust you, you know If I I think when a person is insecure They act jealous or there is some reason the person is giving them mistrust Uh, yeah, see I feel that way. I don't I don't judge one person by what somebody else did. So if you're behaving in a way that makes me Feel that you're trustworthy. Then why would I well, I once dated a woman. I once dated. I'm sorry Interrupt I once dated a woman whose father cheated on the mother and then left the family to go be with another family So she inherently had trust issues with men Now she claims she healed it But she I mean it reared its ugly head in the first 30 days of us dating because I had so many women Following me for my professional efforts and she couldn't handle that. I'm like I did nothing wrong You know, but that's because she had a core wound from her childhood Then there's adult experiences But I will say this when we don't love ourselves And we don't genuinely love ourselves We can find ourselves in a space of being insecure and why am I going off on this tangent? What was said? I forgot what was actually said. Oh ben being territorial. So anyways, yes, I'm territorial with you But I'm not jealous. No I don't give you a reason to be no exactly Okay, gene goes physical attraction give women wait women give men a chance How about the man's standpoint if he's not physically attracted but we cannot We but we connect in every other way. Is it possible to overlook lack of attraction? So this is an interesting thing For men we have equipment that needs to Rise okay, if we don't feel physical attraction for someone that equipment might not rise You know that's part of the equation is to feel a sense of of Physical attraction for our partner. It's not like it's and by the way it has nothing to do with beauty It's every person has their own level of what is attracted to them And so that so for some men. I'm not speaking for all men That could be their deal breaker is they're not able to Either physically get it up or there might not be I think Some okay, the other thing is there's an intangible Intangible about the it factor we talked about last time. There's an intangible It again it has nothing to do with beauty some people Radiate an energy that's highly magnetic and some people rate and Radiate an energy that can actually repel people. That's just a reality. I don't know how this works I'm just you know hypothesis. I'm just sharing what I've observed. So in this particular case Now here's the thing Men typically though will sleep with anybody It's who they actually want to commit to is where that physical attraction probably requires him to want I think for a man He's got to know that he's with a woman that he's a It doesn't have to be with a supermodel He doesn't have to be with you know a mall like we were talking about last time But he's got to be with someone that he's attracted to enough That he feels like you know what I've got a winner and I'm happy He's got to feel that otherwise. He's not going to be able to engage That's just the way I've observed things women tend to be more attracted to a person's character Men unfortunately tend to be more attracted to looks but they require a lot more than looks to actually fully engage with a woman Did I make sense marie? Yes, okay Um, let's see georgia says can men be in love with more than one person? I have a friend who says men can I'm not convinced All right, let's talk about love. What is love? Can men lust for more than woman more than one woman apse f and lootway? Okay. Yes, we can lust But will he be there for her? When she's you know wiping the vomit from her face if she's going through chemotherapy see to me Real love is being there for the person during the hard times Now in the tv show big love, which was about the mormon community where the man had three wives He never saw that it was on hbo, but it was about a mormon Uh, it was about a mormon man who had three wives and they he had three separate homes And each wife and the children lived in the three separate homes. He genuinely loved three women Okay, now there's also the case of polyamory. Didn't we watch a movie about polyamory the other day? Vicki christina Christina barcelona we were watching that the other day so in the case of polyamory It is quite possible to genuinely care for more than one person at a time I do believe it's rare that a man has a capacity to truly love and to be a giver to two men women at a time I certainly believe there's a significant percentage of men who can sleep with several women at the same time But that to me is not love. So I hope that answers your question, georgia Uh, let's keep going Oh, thank you for that. Oh, marie. Thank you. It so resonates with me. I love your reply. I love your beautiful heart You've helped me so much. Thank you so much. See that's why I wanted you on so you can see how much people appreciate your perspective um Question is it also is it possible to truly care about each other? But the man refuses to commit to something deeper than friendship then why care I care about people doesn't mean I want to be in relationship with everybody But if you're sleeping with them, then well, are they sleeping together? Is it truly possible to care for each other? But the man refuses to commit to something deeper than a friendship. Well friendship usually doesn't include sex Friends with benefits. Well, okay, then like I have a dear friend. Her name is tammy, you know, marie has met her You know, I I care for this person if she needs me I'd be there for her I have many people in my life I care for but ultimately the person I want to be romantically involved in I make the effort Ladies if a man isn't pursuing you from a romantic perspective from the perspective of wanu exploring a fully committed relationship Then why does it matt? Well, I guess my question is why are you following my channel? You know, I'm to be what so yes Can they care for more than one person? Absolutely, but you have to ask yourself What do you want gene? What do you want if a man doesn't want you? Why do you want? I'm just speculating here. Why do you want him? Why do you want someone who doesn't want more than a friendship with you ask that question of yourself? the relationship Has to go both ways. Yeah, and and if you're trying to convince someone to want you then That's not the right person you should be with like you deserve to get what you want and have it reciprocated Amen to that You know, we've been an hour now and you want to keep going or we got to go pack for our trip Folks, we're going to go out to wine country tomorrow. So uh for the next four days to enjoy a little bit of uh friends and fun And to celebrate me. Oh, that's right. It's your birthday coming up. It's marie's birthday on sunday. Give her some props right now Wish you're a happy birthday She's 29 years old. I'm dating a much younger woman Anyway, I hope you found value in what we shared tonight Is he stringing along why men put women in certain categories? Listen I recognize it's very difficult right now and the fact is we have to be detectives whether we like it or not because you don't know When you're meeting total strangers, you have to do more due diligence Certainly before you ever give your heart to a man and if you need some support with that There's a link in the description below schedule a discovery call with me join my group called midlife love mastery find me on instagram Check out the naked discovery naked recovery naked divorce ask for a dell mention both our names Okay, she'll take really good care of you and by the way, you're already getting a bunch of props marie Thank you everyone for Tina holly. Thanks everyone If you found value in this, please hit the like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do First I've given you a big gigantic fair hug and thanks for supporting me tonight on connor's birthday Can I get a hug back? I love you back All right, oh I'm very blessed Hey, thanks to nicole and vannette and mccoy oak hill farm and susan and pam and estat And talia and jennifer and leafs in the house and jen and patricia and michelle and tina Everyone big hugs to you all. Thank you so much for the love and support. Happy birthday marie and happy birthday to connor today Hi, hi everyone