 Welcome to the 21th Convention, Miami, Florida, 2016 and we're about to bring on a pretty amazing speaker. This guy is really a legend in the industry of men's development and I really want to emphasize that because it isn't just about dating, it's about living a life of excellence which he has done and taught and worked with so many men to achieve. We're going to hear an interesting speech today that has to do with wanting and then how to get those things, wanting and having. So without any further ado let's bring on Brent Smith. Thanks buddy. Thanks, good to be here. How's everybody? Good? Okay, so as Steve kind of alluded to, I spend most of my time working and guiding the lifestyles of financially successful men and part of that is their lifestyle that includes socializing, social life and dating and relationships and they usually come in two different styles. I've got the young guys who are tech guys or engineers or coders and or they're the founders of startups and they spend a lot of time writing code, a lot of time in their bedroom, a lot of time in a cubicle, they lack a lot of social skills but they're financially well off. I also have another section of guys who are a little bit more advanced than that. They might be a little bit older, they've got some of the toys of a nice lifestyle but they haven't figured out how to navigate it. They're still a little socially awkward. We call them, well I kind of call them creepy sometimes so we've got some creepy guys whose approach to it is still not where they want. They've got everything else but what they don't have is they don't have that part of their life down. Their last piece of the puzzle is what they usually tell me, they say Brent, I've got everything but the last piece of the puzzle is this thing with women whether it's socially, I'm either you know I'm great in the boardroom but I'm terrified to walk up to the table of girls over there or a table of people for that matter when I'm not in my element and say something I'm terrified and this is surprising to most people. So why am I telling you this? Because if you're the average guy out there, which is definitely how I started out, there's a common denominator that everybody suffers from. So the average guy shares some of the same issues that a financially well-off guy does, a super rich guy or whatever and that is that there's something they don't have but there's something that they want and they focus all of their energy on the wanting of it. Now I think that that is one of the biggest stumbling blocks to actually having what you want. It's your wanting of it. Now before you start thinking well Brent how can I have something if I don't want it? Good question and that's what I'm going to answer here today. I'm going to teach you how to stop wanting and start having what you want and you'll understand what I'm saying as we get further into this conversation. I also want to say that throughout this talk please ask questions if you want clarity, ask me questions about what I'm talking about because I really want to know what you want then you probably have the same ones as a lot of guys out there watching this. Okay so wanting I've figured out in my life equals lack. This is why wanting is negative and just focusing on negativity. If you just focus on want and a lot of people they want, they're wanting, they're trying, they're becoming and really in life there's only three things. There's being, doing and then having but what we do is we focus on what we don't have right? We focus on the lack of it right? It's just normal that we would do that. It doesn't make you a bad person that's just being human. So you focus on Brent I want this, I want that, I want the other thing, I want more women in my life, I want more beautiful women in my life, I want more money, I want a bigger house, a nicer car, whatever your wants are. We end up focusing on that and just focusing on that and then our story in our head is just consumed by that right? We become obsessed by what we want. And so today I'm going to teach you how to actually start having what it is that you want and it's a pretty easy process but I do want to continue to talk a little bit about wanting and why it's not going to get you where you want to be. So wanting and focusing on just the wanting is the thing that causes you to actually over communicate with people. Have any of you ever over communicated with a woman before? Yes, me too. Anyone else? So you guys have. So the wanting of it and the thinking that we actually need it for our survival is the thing that's causing us to push it away from us. Now I'm not saying that you shouldn't want what you want. So I'm not saying that anything is bad that you want but it's all relative so it just depends on how you go about having it. So if you're just focusing on the want and your whole story is I want this but I don't have it, want equates the lack so you're just focusing on the lack of it. Wanting causes you to over pursue women in this case but it could be anything. You over pursue anything that you're obsessed that you don't have. So it causes all these negative things to start happening and instead if you just focused on having what you want you would actually have it much sooner. So the one thing I'll promise you is that if you really listen to what I'm talking about here today and you follow what I'm going to tell you that you will not only have like 10 times more than you want right now. You'll get 10 times more than what you actually want but you'll actually receive it effortlessly. So people will actually walk up and hand it to you. Women will come up and give you stuff okay because we're taught as man we got to go out there and we're we got to want it so we focus on the one team we go out there and we try to make it happen and the problem with that is if you ever run into someone who really wants something badly and is kind of desperate and needy you guys probably have all seen that right or you've probably done that. I know I've done it but you don't want to give it to them do right because they want it. You can tell they're like needy and they just have this weird vibe about them and you're like oh it's so creepy. I know this person is trying to get something from me so I'm going to hold it back from them. So imagine what women feel like when you approach them and you've got this this kind of wanting vibe. So it's about reversing that and becoming someone who actually adds value to conversations and adds value to interactions as opposed to constantly being desperate and needy in interactions with people. So how do you really do that? The way you do that is you change the conversation that you're having with yourself about it okay. So you know you may have heard me talk about this before but basically the reason that you're living your life the way you're living it and you have the issues that you have and you have the identity that you currently have is because you've created it okay. It's that conversation that you have with yourself over and over all day long in the background like when you wake up in the morning you walk in front of the mirror and you look and you either like what you see you don't like what you see you have all these thoughts about yourself and your life and it's this conversation that needs to be changed. But we make up all these excuses for why we don't have what it is that we want right. We have all kinds of excuses. We say well you know I don't have what I want because and then we have our own personal list of stuff. Does anyone want to stand up or take the mic and tell me what it is that they want? An example? Procrastinate too much. So you want to be more efficient and effective do you want to take action? Yes right okay. So is your story that you are a procrastinator? Yes okay and how do you word that when you say that when you think about it? I can't have what I want because I know I'll procrastinate to the very end okay. Okay you're right that's a story right that's your story and why do you procrastinate or why can't you get things done other than procrastination why do you think that you can't overcome it? Just because I know from past experience what you know past experience kind of gives you an idea of what's going to be like in the future. Okay so that's kind of an excuse right because you do have the capacity you know all you have to do is change your story about it but that's a story so you see how he's created that identity I'm a procrastinator and what I want is take action so the way to do that is to now tell yourself that you just take action so it's changing the conversation with yourself okay does that make sense? Do you need a story do you need to make a new like a new story for everything you want to change or is it just a stop doing this? Well it's replacing what you're already doing with this new conversation okay so that's thank you for talking about to bring that up because that's a very good point that's the exciting part about all this this is not a new skill that I'm teaching you that you have to learn from scratch you're already doing it so you're already having the conversation you already know how to do it you know how to worry you know how to be obsessive you also know how to fantasize and daydream and so on you're already doing it so it's just putting different information in the machine now so it's you saying I take action basically it's changing that story every time you think about every time that you feel it coming on where you say well you know I didn't get that done because I'm a procrastinator and I'm the victim and you don't understand I don't have enough time and it's all this other all these other people's fault or whatever it is that you're blaming it's just taking responsibility and then saying actually I take action so it could mean in the realm of women or socializing it's I'm I take action I approach people every time I see them I approach hot women or women who are exactly my type every time I have the opportunity rather than you know I kind of procrastinate so I stand in this area and I get nervous and and you know if I only had more confidence and you don't understand I'm shy and all this kind of stuff okay does that make sense okay anyone else I saw a hand over here yeah um when I think about what I want one more discipline one more energy and uh one more money as well cool why don't you have it because sometimes those things are really easy to get you know they're really actually very simple to have why don't you have them well I'm right now I have the resources but I haven't exactly put in all the effort and and and everything just into that so I just got the resources like you know and um okay I just have to put it and so why haven't you put in the effort because uh I was keeping up with um other assignments and I was dealing with okay I'm not trying to put you on the spot too much I'm just asking you know this is the way to start thinking when when I'm not around is you know why why what's my what's my reasoning and to to all of us personally you know of course it sounds like completely logical reasoning right every excuse that we could come up with is oh it's too logical you don't understand brand it's this other thing over here it's this thing outside of us so basically for you it's again changing that conversation about how you have the resources and you have what you want and I'm going to get into the meat of this soon here so that I can tell you exactly how to do that but it's basically changing that conversation and when you ask yourself when I say you know what do you want and then you tell me and I say why don't we have it it's like being aware in that moment that everything that you're going to say is basically an excuse and just holding yourself to that and like I said I'm not it's not bad I'm not making you wrong about it I'm just saying that these are the things that you'll need to kind of keep in your head about it okay thank you appreciate that so another quick question as well yeah sure what do you usually do to to gain more energy throughout the you know to do everything that you have to do well I'll tell you the first thing that I do is tell myself I have a ton of energy and it's a funny thing that you ask that because that's actually in my story every day my personal one so when I get up as soon as I open my eyes in the morning I will I have this little mantra well I have an actual whole thing I do but the very first thing that comes out of my mouth is today's going to be another great day as usual I have so much energy right now I'm already super productive now I haven't even got out of bed yet right so it's I'm already super productive my life is awesome okay and I also will say that like uh I have a I used to run on a treadmill in in my home gym and I had a big mirror in front of it so I'm on the treadmill and maybe I got I don't know four or five hours sleep the night before I don't have been traveling I'm jet lagged whatever physically in the reality I'm tired but I understand that that could be a story too so there's a way to change your physiology with your mind it's that powerful so I will often say I have so much energy and I just keep saying it and keep saying it and all of a sudden I have a lot of energy okay so it starts with your story everything guys starts with your conversation you have with yourself about it okay yes there are practical things you can do and I'll cover some of those but really it starts with the story okay then we could talk about you know if I were really coaching you I would say okay well what is it that you want to get done let's practice some efficiency you need to manage your energy now so you've told yourself now that you have a lot of energy now it's about managing your energy so you can get everything done that you'd like to get done so let's talk about those goals what are they what do you have to do 30 minutes every day and chunk it down 60 minutes a day 90 minutes a day every day 70s a week to accomplish what it is that you want to have in your life and again remember this applies to everything so if if social life is the only thing you're lacking in then you would apply it to your social life you have to go out more right what would you have to do to do that you just work backwards from there if it's money it's money you know whatever okay thank you for that anyone else want to tell me what they want okay how do I learn to better exercise discipline for the purposes of better being able to consistently exercise the tactics I use to achieve whatever goal that I have set for myself so I don't mess up my ability to measure those methods and their effectiveness okay can you repeat that again just since we had some background okay how do I better discipline myself to stay consistent with the methods that I use to accomplish a goal so that I can better exercise or better measure how those methods are going to work so you want discipline pretty much you want better that's the bottom line yeah you want better discipline okay so why don't you have that why aren't you disciplined what's your what's your excuse like why is it tough for you I honestly don't like sometimes I'm really on it and other times I'm just not so it's consistency in being disciplined okay and so your story is sometimes I'm M and sometimes I'm not right yeah I just want to be able to better tap into yeah the on times right so the first thing is to change your story about that now you guys are going to get sick of hearing me say this but it's it's a simple as this to begin okay I'm always going to say change your story about that your personal story and the story you tell others you got man I am super disciplined really I got so much done during the day that I need more stuff to do because I'm so disciplined right and this is this is the kind of way you tell yourself you want to have that mantra added to your story you want to physically you want to if you can you want to visualize that what does that look like to you like what is being disciplined and getting all your stuff done really look like and then you want to get physically excited about it okay so right so you understand what your story is right your story is the opposite right okay again and then it's a process practically of course of figuring out you know first of all removing what you think is stopping you sometimes I am sometimes I'm not I don't know I just want to be more consistent uh and then you kind of explore why am I inconsistent you could say well brand I just don't feel like it sometimes I don't have energy I don't know I goof off I I'm distracted I do those are all stories those are all things you're saying about yourself and the only reason they're true is because you're saying it okay so just a personal story and thank you for that um do you have a follow-up any follow-up question do you understand that yeah I feel like for me mostly what causes me to lose track on discipline is um like I'll have a certain method that I'm trying to achieve a result and while in mid-process I'll decide you know maybe something else will work better and get tempted to try to try that so I can achieve my results now but in the long term then it messes me up because now none of my data is really measurable because I've just jumped from one thing to another okay so yeah so that that conversation is more about whether you should cut and run and try something new because it isn't working fast enough for whether you should have a little more patience and see something through correct yes okay so that's what you need to focus on like I have the patience to see something through and to really make sure I have all the data that is not going to work for sure before I move on rather than right so because what you're saying now and is that you're kind of the victim of this right yeah you're kind of the victim of it we all want to play the victim in some manner it's something that we just do as humans trying to say well you don't understand this is what happens so that would change your story about it first so you you treat it as if you've already solved it then you do the practical thing like we just talked about okay does that make sense okay so I used to my story used to be I had many stories that are changed now but one of them used to be just that's kind of related that is that oh I get distracted very easy I'm so ADD that you know I start one thing and then I I can't finish it and you know and then I jump around and that is the reason if you asked me why I wasn't super successful that was the reason I would one of the reasons I would give you I had a long list of excuses by the way like you know if I wasn't you know successful with women in the right way I'd have an excuse that well you don't understand because you know those beautiful women they're just bitchy they're just they just they have bad attitudes right it's not me they have bad attitudes right you don't understand the market that's why I can't you know make more money and I had all the excuses in the world and then I would so one of mine was that I'm distracted and I have ADD and so on and that is a medical thing for some people there is a chemical imbalance and I totally understand that but part of everything is mental okay so that's the thing I do believe now just from my own experience and coaching for as long as I've been coaching at every level and by the way you'd be surprised at how many things are in common with guys no matter where you are financially or where you are in your life or what phase or how old you are everyone's human and it all comes down to the same once and needs basically so there's a human I mean I'm sorry there's not human there's a there's a human component but there's a there's a mental component to everything and so once you realize that and that's kind of your fallback you start with that and then yes there may be a lot of things that are true about what you say but you go from look I'm going to change my my story about that so I started telling myself that I'm super focused and I'm super efficient and I get stuff done and I get it done immediately and I do think this many things every day and I'm super on it and I can stick to something and guess what my life started to change and I started to become all those things that I talked about and then it occurred to me wow that had to do a lot with my story about it and that to me seemed kind of weird because I thought well no it's about all these practical things that you have to do right go over there and talk to this group of girls you have to reach out and do something over here and so on and yes those are important things too but it starts with the mental so you guys understand that is that making sense okay do you like where this is going yes okay you have more questions about it okay so something someone said kind of prod me to think prompted me to think about back to the wanting and the having okay so we talked about when you're in social situations and you're having interactions and how you know if you are trying to extract value see when you focus on wanting I'm kind of going back to the the why wanting is negative so you can have the negative impact so you can kind of really get your head around there it if you are a why guy okay so when you focus on wanting all the time what you don't have you try to extract value from every situation you're in so you're attached to getting okay now when you probably already know everything you're attached to will cause suffering attachment causes suffering it's fact it will never be any different it just is what it is there are certain things yes you you should be attached to family friends you know your dog things like this and you should be compassionate and so on but we have these unhealthy attachments and we're attached to getting what it is that we want so in the terms that we are kind of speaking in in the context we're speaking in it would be you know what are things you want to get you want to get approval when you're socializing you want to get you want to get a phone number you want to get a date you want to get sex you want to get a girlfriend you want to get a wife you want to get comfortable you want to get courageous you want to get confidence and when you come from a place of getting well everybody knows it and they don't want to give it to you as opposed to coming from a place of giving and helping and adding value to interactions okay now this is directly connected to changing your story about what you want and telling yourself that you already have it okay because the one thing that switching from wanting to having and to and from getting to giving really causes is you'd have a different vibe okay so this is another thing that I love to talk about vibe everybody thinks it's some like you know mystical thing vibe vibe is caused by your story 100 percent so it doesn't matter what you say or what I tell you to go over and say over here to this person or how to be comfortable over here in this interaction or so on your vibe is the thing that is telling the other person or people you're speaking to how to react to you and they're doing it unconsciously does that make sense so in other words if you have a very negative view of yourself low self-worth you don't like you know you know in the mirror what you see you're telling yourself all these negative things I can't do it because you don't understand and I've got this thing and there's this other thing going on and it's my mom's fault and society's fault and all this kind of stuff that's the vibe you're showing up everywhere with does that make sense so when you change it from one team to having you'll actually have a different vibe so every conversation you go into will be will be more successful because you actually have that vibe of that you already have stuff and you're carefree about it and you're not walking around being the the desperate needy guy anymore you're the guy who seems to have it all together and has this great vibe about it okay um questions about this yes we're speaking about therapists they help people do this um through years and years and I know that some people might take like ayahuasca or some type of other drug to to change that story so how how do you change the story just by the voice in your head I mean like what would the processes be okay so good question all right so here's what I want you to do good exercise thank you for bringing that up because that's kind of where I was going next all right so the process for this is to create a new story for yourself okay when you go to the therapist they talk to you about you know why do you think that's happening what happened you know childhood all this kind of stuff you could take some mind-altering things if that's your that's your thing but there's a more practical way to do it so and when I say story story is if you've all heard of affirmations right pretty much everyone's heard of them well the story is just a weaving together of affirmations okay and you all have a story so I could take any one of you aside and say hey what's uh what's up with you what's your story what's going on in your life and then you're going to proceed to tell me I'm going to say what's what's what are your biggest challenges right now and you're going to say well there's this one thing there's another thing that's your story so basically what you're going to do is you're going to write all that out I want you to write it out you can add everything that's happening whether it's in dating in relationships social life money family business whatever it's all connected okay so you're going to write all of that out as it is as it is occurring for you right now with all your excuses and you know this isn't happy to have a disconnect over here and every time I go out I'm I have so much social anxiety or shyness that I can't approach anyone and when I do I generally get in a conversation I don't know what to say next or every time I apply for a job I get turned down what's wrong with me is it my energy what's going on okay so you know write that out then the next thing you want to do is you want to rewrite that story as if you've already accomplished all that so you've solved all of those problems so it's like I wave a magic wand over it and all of it's solved so what would that story be so you want to write that in the positive opposite I call it okay so that's really important that you do that now here's some other things about the story that are crucial for it to work and to create this vibe that we are now talking about of having okay this is very crucial you write your story in the present tense remember what I just said as if you already have solved it and that you have everything you want now this requires a leap of faith because what you might think is well brand I don't have a million dollars and I don't I'm not dating six girls that are gorgeous and I'm not you know whatever the creation process begins in the moment that you change your story about it okay yes there are practical things that need to be done and other actions that need to be taken but the very beginning as I've said throughout this talk already is that it's this story that is going to be the foundation so you want to write it in the present tense so it's I have this I have that every time I walk out of my house people come up to me or whenever I approach people or they approach me they're happy to see me and they ask me questions and girls say this and do this and that and the other thing whatever you're creating creating in that moment you've got to have the faith to realize that is such a powerful process and a powerful beginning to you having what you want so it's stating that you already have it okay so that's really important then the next thing you want to do is you're going to always want to use really positive wording in your story so you don't want to say things like you know this doesn't happen to me anymore and I can't believe this and it's no negativity it's all positive this now happens to me I may I choose to do this and when I go out someone says this and then they give me this and this is how much money I make and attract I attract these types of women and and so on and so on and so on okay now another thing is that you want to be very specific you want to I challenge you to be as specific as you can about this because if you really want to switch you want to stop wanting it and start having it another thing about story that you kind of have to believe here is that you'll manifest exactly what you state that you have in exactly the way you state it okay so is this speaking to your question okay so so you have to it's got to be the way you the way you state it is the way it will happen okay so you want to you know if there's a certain color of something or a certain type of person type of girl type of interaction and so on state it in the way that you would again like a wave of magic wand and don't worry about the don't worry about the extent to which things can manifest just if if anything could manifest you know within of course the reason that we all the the context or constraints that we all already know what would it be how would it occur what would that person look like what would that thing be how would it come to you and so on very important then the next thing is to visualize it you want to be able to visualize what it looks like if that would happen in your life so what would you know what would taking action consistently and managing your energy really look like okay you know what would it look like for you if you had all that handled what would your day look like how would it look different than it looks now when you are thinking a back on it thinking oh god why can I do that you know and you have this image in your head you need to get the image into your head okay and then you need to get really excited about it so remember when I was saying I have so much energy right now you know that right there you would be amazed at what you can talk yourself into okay and how your body physiology can change with just what you're thinking and what you're saying hey it works with you know they have so many studies now that with you know people have terminal illnesses and so on that their attitude is a big factor in them you know coming through and and maybe beating what they have it's one of things adult definitely some practical steps that need to be taken but attitude is one of them so it works for a lot of people who have their life on the line you should take it really seriously okay and the reason that I'm really pounding this in to you for you is that it is the thing that stops you know people just say oh I want this I want this I want this why don't I have it and so on and it's because you just keep focusing on wanting it when you should just focus on having it and if you can make that leap where you don't physically have something but you understand that the beginning of it is stating that you have it that's a big thing so this is making sense question okay let's just imagine I'm right to myself my story I have a lot of girls I have a huge variety of girls I'm wealthy I'm happy I have huge amounts of friends but all my body is resisting all my sub it's a bullshit all my conscious mind say it's a bullshit it's not true it's not correct yeah it's not you're not rich you're fucking not you're poor you're broke uh how you deal with this okay repetition okay that's a habit your resistance is a habit everything in your life is a habit so of course changing information that you're used to hearing your your mind and body might resist that at first good question by the way so it's called repetition another thing I could add on to what I said is that you have to commit to this new story every single day okay it's a great opportunity for me to talk about this okay so remember how I said when I first wake up in the morning I have this little mantra okay the rest of my mantra is do you remember when I said that you wake up I say today's gonna be another great day as usual you know I'm so productive already I have so much energy my life is incredible and then I have a grateful list of things that are going great in my life and I go over that and then I have a story my story whatever I'm working on presently my business works like this every time I go out you know I've got a great relationship or whatever it is and I talk about it you want to do that first thing when you wake up in the morning and of course right before you go to sleep so that your mind can start working on it and every time during the day that you might have some negativity or doubt about your life or you just crosses your mind that you think about your life because here's what happens whatever story takes up the most space in your mind the most often throughout the day is the one you're going to live so if you just said oh you know Brent told me to do this thing and I go home when I say this thing once a day but my life's not changing well it's because the rest of the time you have your old story and you're letting negativity in and negativity is everywhere right we all know that you can turn on the tv you watch the newspaper you're on the net you're on facebook looking at other people's fantastic lives that you don't have right the highlights from everybody's life and it's easy to feel like oh I'm not good enough or whatever so you have to constantly be telling yourself this new story okay and the great thing about habits is once you have a habit it's automatic okay so the most energy that's ever spent on creating new habit is at the very beginning okay so like you said your body is now if it's a long-term resistance and maybe we were working together you and I would have a discussion about what is that block really for you so if we were working together for a while and you're doing it for weeks and you're saying look I'm still resisting then I'll say well it's a little bit deeper than that you know there must be some reason you're resisting or you're holding yourself back playing the victim there's all kinds of things that I could tell you just from experience and working with you know tons of people in my own life about why you're not moving forward but the habit is the thing so I'm glad you brought that up because another thing I wanted to tell you was that I just said it but I'll say it a different way is that at the beginning of a new habit that's when the most energy will be expelled okay it's like the it's like a rocket launch or the space shuttle going up most of the energy most of the fuel is burnt up in the first few minutes that's it to get it into the atmosphere and then it's hopefully smooth sailing right floats the atmosphere you know so that's the way it is when you're changing something about yourself you're changing to have it so you might resist and that's okay but even when you're doing that I would still tell you to tell yourself that this new way you know this new way of being is so simple fun and easy for me to accept and so I'm accepting it and so this is how my life is it's x y z whatever you're you know creating does that make sense to you you know would you be willing to try that okay so good question thanks for that try it for a long period of time just to repeat it yeah I would submit to it for 30 days you know people will differ on how long they want you to try that but I would do it for 30 days and I like going the old school manner which is buying an old school calendar that you put up on the wall and you have a marker and you place an x through every day that you accomplish your story and you tell it to yourself during the day and you take action and you're efficient and you get things done because you're living for that next day to cross it off and by the time you get done with 30 days you're going to actually be much further it's going to be a habit and you're going to do it automatically that's something you could do okay good awesome question other questions about it I guess going in the opposite direction of the last question how would you best manage to avoid getting caught up in the story you're creating for yourself and neglecting to actually do the practical part of it and actually realizing that story okay put that in your story I take action all the time and then you actually have to you know make yourself do it right so the story yeah you're right so you can't just have your story and take no action okay no matter what it is you're going to have to take some action even though doing your story is taking action but if you have things in there you're like well you know I'm building my business and I'm doing these things then yeah you would have to set out a schedule for what you're going to do each day and you just need to commit to that but I would always put that in my story if that's my problem okay so what I take is everything that I think is stopping me and I address it in my story and that's a good way for you guys to remember it just whatever it is your resistance so you want to tell yourself that you are have the opposite of resistance I definitely accept this and I accept it every day and so that's why I do it because it's simple fun and easy and I always remember to do it that's another one people will say I forget oh I forgot to do it Brent so I always remember and it's easy to remember because it always works and I always take action and in addition to doing this story I take practical action every single day I'm a master of it as a matter of fact I'm a master of it as a matter of fact these are very powerful words because you're you're saying the opposite of what you're really used to saying which is I'm not really that good at this and you know I just you know I could do the story but then I probably won't take action so you want to tell yourself that you actually do take action okay does that make sense uh kind of sort of I just I would worry like even if you tell yourself that you actually take action how do you be able to take a step back and look objectively and say okay no I'm just living that life vicariously I need to actually take action well you do that by the results that you're receiving so you do that by setting up a schedule like I said before like on Sunday for the week and then you would either accomplish those tasks or not accomplish them so it's very simple you would just look up you set up whatever system works for you in your brain the way your brain works how you would have these milestones maybe it's at the end of every day you check to see if you got what you were supposed to do done and maybe you set a timer or not a timer but an alarm to check right every day at six o'clock every day at nine p.m whatever it is you know reminder task reminder did I get stuff done what did I get done right sometimes you have to do very you know simple things to trick your brain into remembering to do stuff because you could get caught up in that so you're still going back to that well what if well what if well what if so you want to just put that in your story okay right right micromanage it right how important is how important is it to you to have it okay well if that's important then you better start treating it like that you know another um uh little post-it note that I often put on my laptop is what's the most important thing I could be doing right now and am I doing it and if not why am I resisting it why am I not doing it and then I always have I always want to have a story about it well you don't have time my day got out of control whatever and I know it's just me not managing my energy correctly okay so is that are you clear on it now you understand that okay you're welcome okay other questions I kind of want to open it up to more questions now because I want to know what you guys want to know and it can be on many different subjects yes so you used to okay um sorry there was a little flirting happening between us but it happened not a not a question but I just wanted to say uh just thank you for um stressing this message it's always good for me to hear I know the times in my life when I'm really kicking ass it's directly tied to the messages that I'm telling myself and even that I can relate so hard to the procrastination um because that's something that I've dealt with myself and the thing about procrastination though is because like on the day you need to get stuff done what's the story you're telling yourself that day I need to get this stuff done I'm going to get that stuff done and you always do so I mean on this it's really comes down to on those days that you're telling yourself that these messages you're going to get it done the days you're telling yourself the opposite not I just want to say thank you because I can never hear that message enough for myself you're welcome I used to be the king of procrastination so I know very well and I used to be the king of avoiding taking responsibility that was the other thing that was a huge issue for me for many many many years until I changed my story about that and then I physically started doing it so that's good yeah procrastination is one of the it's one of the biggest things people suffer from not getting enough done and then you have all of these excuses like I said and one way that you can that I found that you can start to take responsibility for the excuses is just pretend for 24 hours that excuses don't exist okay so you either are doing something or you're not doing it that's it there's no reason why because that'll teach you that you're making up all the excuses for why you're not doing something well I'm not doing it because there's your list of excuses again if they didn't exist you're just doing it or you're not doing it I'm not doing that that's it I'm not doing it so it makes it clear that simply you could just do it although you might have a lot of excuses for why you can't right it's this thing that goes around in our head all the time and that's the kind of way to start having what it is that you want so it's just really changing that story to I have this I have that and so on and that's the way you start start through you mentioned earlier about allocating you know 30 minutes out of your day or an hour out of your day to do accomplish something how do you do that I mean because my mind's everywhere I'm thinking about 50 million things at at a time me too how do you I guess focus in on one thing for that 30 minutes and then stop and then focus on another thing for the next 30 minutes yeah okay good question I'm really I don't like being distracted that's my story I like being distracted at all I hate distraction it's the one thing that I I just it's the biggest thing in my life I want to focus on certain things so the way to do that is I kind of mentioned it before and I I'm just kind of throwing out times and things like that so the reason that most people don't get things done is because they seem overwhelming to you right you have so many of them to do oh my list is super long I can't even remember the other stuff that's supposed to be on it and I didn't get it done and I'm always behind and there's always stuff left on list well let me just tell you there's always going to be stuff on your list that's never done till the next because you keep creating new things so the key is to chunk it down into bite size things pieces of time that you can digest easily so I started to talk about it but it's making a schedule and when I say 30 minutes or 60 minutes or 90 minutes you figure out what it is for that task that you're going to do if I say okay tell me you know what it is that you want you say Brent I want this one thing I'm building my business or I want to do okay great so what would you have to do seven days a week for 30 minutes every day between 9 and 10 to make that happen and during those 30 minutes again I'm just choosing a time you choose your own amount of time I want you to set a timer or an alarm on your phone however you do it you want to go on those old time alarms that's really loud you know those little timers that's effective and I want you to have undistracted work so I want you to anything that doesn't need to be on turn it off now like if you're you know surfing the net or whatever turn your email off but just close your email client or whatever server okay so you want undistracted focus uninterrupted focus and you just make that happen okay you figure out how to make that happen you're just committed to it enough to make that happen I guarantee if you start segmenting your day out like that you will get so much done because now you've taken all these gargantuan tasks that you think are overwhelming and now you've chunked it down and you've got the three main things that you want to get accomplished in the next 90 days or 60 days or 30 days and now you're just doing each one for you know 30 minutes a day or 60 minutes now here's another key whatever the time is if you do something for 90 minutes let's say of uninterrupted focus you close your door I don't know turn off your email turn off your phone whatever it is then take a small break after that take a small break and goof off and do something you know read a magazine listen to some music exercise do whatever then go into the other thing and don't go over the 90 minutes that's the other thing you'll get all excited but don't go over the 30 minutes or 60 minutes or 90 minutes and just do it after like seven days of this you will be so much further than you were before when you used to worry about how am I going to get this done this project is ginormous what I have to do is so overwhelming humans just give up when things are overwhelming we just do so chunking it down is the is the key a great question another question over here do you think women are better at picking up a vibe than men and if so why and how is it transmitted from one person they are because women get hit on by so many creepy desperate pursuers over pursuers that they are masters of realizing that this if you're different realizing that you're different and have a different vibe that's a great question so one of the reasons so yes I do think they're they're more susceptible to it because they have more experience right they have more experience than you have experience with women approaching you and being creepy right even though that's one of our kind of new banter things we say to when we go why are you being so creepy even if they're not it's a funny thing you should try it uh yeah so how is vibe transmitted and uh can you pick it up across the room or does he have to be in a proximity yes vibe doesn't really have any boundaries energy doesn't have any boundaries if you you know if you want to get scientific about it or if you're a student of physics if you look at anything and everything underneath the microscope this table this television our bodies it's all matter and matter is always moving so there's energy always happening and when you're interacting with someone you know I often say you know everyone takes their cues from you on how to treat you and how to react to you so whatever you're thinking if you have been if you have a negative day if you're worried about you're going to be rejected that's probably what's going to happen to you because you're carrying that into all your conversations so in fact vibe is so powerful that an energy that it's even captured in pictures that people take of you seriously what you're thinking in that moment and how you're living your life is captured in a picture the reason I know this is because there are people there are men who put a picture we do these experiments too at our company where we put pictures up of guys who have great attitudes on online dating things platforms like tinder and bumble and things with no explanation no um know about me nothing just one picture and the messages to start rolling in there's no outreach at all ever of any kind there's no message ever written there's no hey it's night I liked your profile there's no swiping nothing zero it's a picture it's energy so that's how important energy is and that's how people can feel it so think back anytime in your life that you might have witnessed that uh someone walks into a room and you go gosh there's they have they're really negative they're like negative energy I don't know what it is about them but just feel like it's like a weird vibe right or contrary to that someone walks in and you say wow I I don't know what it is about that person but they're so charismatic and I can't even put my finger on it you know and what happens with vibe though is this people make unconscious decisions on how to react to you so you know as humans we're making so many decisions on how to react and what to do in a millisecond when we meet someone our attention spans are getting shorter we've got so much stuff that we got to consume when we've got to filter out and filter in and so on that really it's just an automatic thing that happens so someone doesn't know why they're doing it they're just reacting to you in a certain way this is why that this is so important to work on your vibe because let's take women for instance you can stand in a place and you could pick out a beautiful woman who every guy's trying to talk to bunch guys walk over to her you see them kind of fail one after another you know they walk up they say something they she sends them away then a different guy walks up the guy the right guy the guy who has it all together he's carefree he's confident doesn't want anything super cool has his great vibe the same girl starts lighting up she doesn't know why she just is lighting up she feels compelled to know more she's intrigued she may have never done it in her whole life but she has an instantaneous state change that's how strong vibe is and that begins with your story and that is connected to changing wanting to having does that make sense do you have a follow-up question or okay great question how do you adapt your story when it's not successful it's not going well okay so if it's your story's not working it's always one of a few things so either you don't believe what's in your story that it's possible that it can happen that's one thing you could be I'll tell you the number one thing number one thing reason the story doesn't work is you're not doing it consistently it's number one thing I always Brent I forgot to do it well you know Brent the story's not working um I go well are you doing it every day well I'm doing it four days a week and the other three days what are you doing the other three days well I'm I don't know I'm not doing it well then the other three days are packed with negativity of course your story is not going to work so are you doing it consistently so these are the things you check am I doing it consistently and if not do it consistently uh is it do you believe what are you really and if you don't believe you add in there I believe everything in this story because it's simple and fun and easy and it happens all the time and this is the life I'm living are you writing it the present tense or did you misinterpret what I said and you say someday I'll have or I intend to have which will never happen by the way someday becomes never always so that's why it's much quicker to have stuff when you say I have it I already have it are you using positive wording in your story like I've covered already you know are you using all positive words challenge yourself uh maybe you're being too vague okay I have a new car well what kind of new car what does that mean to me like if you had to prove to me that there's evidence that you like oh Brent this is happening really show me like what goes on I kind of think about like this when it comes to being specific pretend that you that I have to understand what it is that you want physical I have to I have to know what it is so I'm kind of like um you're placing an order with me in your story your story is it like an order form and you're saying Brent you know uh I want a new car and let's say around my office people are saying hey so-and-so wants a new car I go uh great what kind of cars you want uh he didn't state what kind of car okay so send him any new car does that make sense he didn't say what color her hair was what color the car was what how much money he was making so just send him some money just yeah oh remember when he said all girls want me just send him all girls want him it including girls he doesn't want said I'm saying so be very specific so it's things like that so there's always like four or five things that are usually not happening and you may not be visualizing and you may um also not be getting excited about it okay so those are things to check so do those back here we have uh one more and we're about at the last five minutes okay uh the question about vibes you actually can read spread the good vibes I don't know if you can see this well let me put my glasses on oh spread good vibes yes okay okay so this is the question uh you brought example of somebody coming to go and something she's instantly feeling the vibes and she immediately changed it how do you change your vibe to vibe that such amazing guy has except to accept addition to writing story you actually say that writing story should supposed to change your vibes yes do you have to do something additional yeah okay I can offer you something additional how to create this amazing vibe so you approach the woman and she immediately wow okay all right great question okay so beginning is your story obviously and by the way when you commit to a story and it becomes who you are and it will become who you are the more you repeat it you will start standing differently when you go out you'll approach people differently you'll be more confident you'll carry yourself so you don't need any tips on body language or whatever you will just start to appear and you will start to occur more importantly different than you have been before to the same people you will just occur that way now practically yes you will stop doing some things that you currently do or used to do when it comes to pushing this new not pushing this but presenting this new you okay so let's take the context of women so instead of walking up to women with this you know wanting desperate needy vibe where you're trying to you're going to try to push yourself on them you're trying to corner them trying to manipulate them trying to get them to go out with you you're not going to do any of that anymore right so there's no complimenting them over comp because we don't know the difference between complimenting and over complimenting right pursuing and over pursuing that's why I just say cut it out stop doing it and relax and have a good time and don't worry about it and let it happen and so you want to you're going to give these women some actually a moment to be interested in you for the first time in your life rather than you constantly saying stuff and trying to figure out what to say next and she's like I the usual guy is standing here in front of me so it's that the story you tell yourself and then of course there are practical stuff you should stop doing so you just think about what most guys would do and what you currently do which is you walk up you're talking to some girl you're you really are hitting on her and you really do want something and not only that not only do you want something but you're afraid you may might not get it and then what does that mean about you when you don't get it and then you're going to be angry that you didn't get it and there's something wrong with her not you and so then you're gonna and you're gonna say things like um you know you're gonna say pursuer things like you know oh we should get together sometime we should go on a date oh you're so pretty you know you're the most beautiful blue eyes and you know I could go on and on and on we should go on all these traditional dates why don't you go to cobblestone lucas with me this weekend okay you're gonna stop doing that crap you're gonna stop doing all that traditional dating stuff that doesn't work hasn't worked for so long I could talk another nine hours on that or nine days on that just doesn't work so you're gonna you're gonna keep yourself you're going to discipline yourself to not do what you used to do that is in the form of overdoing things over communicating over pursuing you're just going to stop all that and that along with your new vibe should work there's more to it than that but that's the best way I can kind of explain to you right now did you have another question one more two minutes okay when it comes to when it comes to your vibe I know that sometimes whenever you're in um I don't know take for example if you're in a in a negative environment that can have an effect on your vibe so how do you how do you maintain that those that sense of positivity in a negative environment or environment where you're whether it's live in the present moment stop being in your head stop living in the future and stop living in the past in the moment rise above it you're above it first of all you tell yourself you're above it everywhere I go I have a positive vibe everywhere I go my positive vibe inspires other people to be positive but you have to believe that believing it or convincing yourself starts with telling yourself that you believe it and that's the way that it works and then it will spread out practically in the moment okay because I know that's your real question practically in that moment you just have to either remove yourself from the situation or you have to just take a deep breath that's what I do take a deep breath and just let it go let that negativity go and say inside you want to say to yourself I'm a positive person I'm totally rising above this I'm going to stay positive here they can be negative if they want has nothing to do with me and you can only be as positive as you can be okay you have to rise above it if you tell yourself that you can do it at all times okay thanks great question it's about all the time we have thanks everyone guys give it up for breath okay thank you thank you