 Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. Elliot Lewis, two of the most distinguished names in radio, appearing each week in their own theater, starring in a repertory of transcribed stories of their own and your choosing. Radio's foremost players in Radio's foremost plays. Ladies and gentlemen, Elliot Lewis. Good evening. May I present my wife, Kathy? Good evening. In the dictionary, crustacean is defined as belonging to or characteristic of the crustacea, an individual of the crustacea. And crustacea is defined as one of the three primary divisions or classes into which annulose animals provided with articulated limbs are divided. The higher forms of this class include lobsters, shrimps, crawfish and so forth. The lower animals are of varied forms as barnacles, wood lice, fish lice and so forth. And the word comes from the Latin crusta, meaning the hard shell of a body, the rind. And from all of this, E. Jack Newman has written a new radio play which we are about to do for you called The Crustacean. Hello, Folly. What's that thing out there? Oh, it's a teletype machine. What's it for? It prints news. I've seen lots of things. I guess I ain't never seen one of them before. You remember me, Folly. Look, none of your people, none of you are going to want to listen to what I tell you, so I won't tell you. That's how I feel about it. I might listen, Folly. Why don't you try me? You won't listen. You wouldn't and nobody else would. Folly, we've talked before. Oh, yeah, we talk. We have. We talked before about maybe do you have a match so as I can light up? Or do I have a match so as you can light up? Well, we never really talk, you and me. We had coffee together in the kitchen. Nobody's ever wanted to talk to me to see if maybe I had something to say about something. Well, I just know your name's Vic, and that's about all. Your name's Victor Hanley. Yeah. Well, I bet you don't know my name outside of just Folly. Your name is Joseph Willis Folly. How did you know that? I asked Mr. Washburn. He told me. He did, huh? Well, I forgot about him. He pays me my check, so I guess he had an O. Sure, I get it now. That social security stuff where they take part of my poke every week. Wash didn't know my name all right, but he never wanted to know it. He had to on account of government. Wash never calls me anything but Folly. He never said to me, hello, Joe, when are you coming to the kitchen? I'm Folly, everybody around. Just playing Folly. Nuts. Joe. Joe? What? You talking to me? Yeah. You just told me no one ever called you by anything but your last name. I'm going to call you Joe from now on. It's like that? Sure. Joe, you're right. When you say we haven't talked about many things since we've known each other, I drop into the hotel now and then and say hello, and that's about all. But that doesn't mean we haven't been friends in a way. Now, have I ever done anything to you? Have I ever hurt you? No. You've never done anything to me. Okay, then. Then what's to stop us from talking right now? That was like one of my cigarettes, Joe. Tailor maids? Yeah. Sure. Why not? Give me one. Joe, are these yours? Where do you get them? In your room. You make them yourself? Yeah. They look very interesting, Joe. Some kind of color charts, aren't they? Joe, I'd like to know what all these cardboard sheets mean. You tell me about them. I understand you work pretty hard on them. Where do you hear that? The people at the hotel. They told me you spend a lot of time on them, all your spare time. Is that right? What's it to you? Will you explain them to me, Joe? I'd like to know. Them's my ideas. Your ideas, Joe, in color? Yeah. You know much about colors? Not a thing, Joe. Colors is important in life. How do you mean, Joe? You take your green. Now it's just about the best color it is. So if you got green, you got something. But if you got, say, purple, you got maybe lots of trouble. I got it all written down there. In all the years you worked at San Audena in, you never told Mr. Washburn on a cook or any of the others about these ideas you have. You never showed them that. That's my business. A guy can keep his business if he want. Of course, Joe. Now, when did you first... Say, you want to talk to me any more, Vic? Yes, Joe. Then why do you keep asking questions? I'm talking to you. I'm telling you about things and you keep asking questions. You let me tell it to you, will you? Sit down, Joe. You're a pretty nice fellow, I guess, but you're like a lot of other guys you want to rush a guy when he's thinking. No guy wants to be rushed, don't you know that? You just take your time, Joe. I'll listen. Sure, you'll listen now because you and them other guys out there in the other room, you know I'm right now. We don't know that for sure, Joe. Well, it don't make no difference to me because I know... no guy can say I ever tried to sail. I always do my job. Wherever I am, mucking, frying, digging, no matter what. And I stick to my own business, like at the hotel. Pay no mind to nobody. I just do my job. Hang the check on this. It's okay here for the chef and you take your makeup back out into the dining room. Water, napkins, silverware. Okay. Coffee over there, cream and sugar outside. Anybody wants tea, use that. The tank's always full of hot water. These are your tea bags right here. What else? That's about it. You start at six tonight, off at 12. Oh, Foley? Foley? Huh? Come here. Foley, can you tell you anything else you want to know about the kitchen? What's up, Mr. Washburn? This is Ellie, new waitress. How are you? Foley here has worked for us for a long time. Oh, yeah, me and Mr. Washburn have been pals a long time now, ain't we? Oh, we sure have, Foley. Mr. Washburn, may I see you for a moment, please? Sure. I'll be right back. So you and WashTubb's been pals a long time, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. We sure have. Just like that, I'll bet. I didn't think a bird who offered 20 a week in tips had many friends. You get your board in room two, don't you? Do you pay you a thousand a day? I get me 50 a month and my bed and bean's pretty nice set up. Has anybody ever come to this dump? Oh, lots of people. Looks pretty dead to me. Tell me, what do you do for laughs? What's for fun 50 miles from nowhere out here? Oh, lots to do. You know, when I walked in here a second ago, I saw you standing there in your apron and underwear top, and I said to myself, Ellie, I said, a tall boy had given those pots all he's worth. Now, there's a boy. I said there's a boy who really knows how to get out and live it up. I could tell it just by looking at you. Yes, sir, I'll bet you got a Cadillac somewhere, huh? You got a Cadillac? Oh, no, I ain't got me no Cadillac. What's that? Skip it. What do you say your name was? Foley. Well, I'm stuck here for the summer, Foley old kids, so I know you and me are going to have a lot of dandy times together, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, we sure are, Ellie. Come on, Ellie. I'll show you your room. Me and Ellie didn't have no dandy at times together. I only seen her when we was working. I didn't figure on it. The guy knows what's what. I knew about her, like I say, from the first. The guy knows what's what. Yes, sir. Hiya. Hey, what's this? What's I did? What's what I did? You're sitting there. What are you doing in my room? I'll tell you. I'm waiting for you. That's one thing I'm doing. Another thing, I had my choice of sitting outside in the sun or waiting in here, so I just walked in and sat down. You want to fight a duel about it? What you want, Ellie? Washington said you had the keys to the linen closet. I want some napkins. Now work on that a while, Speedy. I'll take you over to the linen closet. I'll just give me the keys. I'll go myself. Or don't you figure I've got enough brains to unlock the door myself? No, I'm by me supposed to have the keys, Ellie. Okay, okay. What's that pile of stuff you brought in? Nothing. Looks like you've been doing some printing, Foley. I didn't know you could print. I went to school four years maybe. What is it? Your life story? Don't don't touch it. I just asked you. I'm only trying to make a little polite conversation with you, but if it's too much for you to handle, forget it. Well, them's my right. How to scrub a pot in one easy lesson? It's my right and not color. You ever dream, Ellie? Yeah. Why? What colors you see when you dream? I don't know. What colors am I supposed to see? Colors that mean something. All of them do. Something good or bad. Like color tells you if you're going to be sick or well, or if you're going to go someplace, or if you're going to get a new job maybe. I got it all worked out. Fortune telling, huh? More than that. It's coming from a book or something? No. It's my own idea. I had it a long time. How did that happen? Well, I've been knocking around plenty of my time, bumming and working. I've seen plenty of things. Guys drunk, guys killed. I know it about them from their colors. I know it about lots of people on kind of their colors. You take a guy and you look at him, and you wonder what he can do. Can he maybe play in a piece of wood better than any guy alive, or maybe can he roll makings better than any guy? Every guy can do something in life, see? Every guy's got some reason for being here. Well, a long time went by before I knew I was here, and then I figured out these colors. That's what I can do. Well, my, my. You've been writing it down, huh? Yeah. I ain't never told anybody. That's smart. Keep it to yourself. I just bet my last million buckaroos you got life all figured out there, and you're just the kid who'd know all about it. Yes, sir. You're making fun of me, ain't you? Why, no. Well, whatever gave you that idea, Einstein? Don't make no fun of a guy. Don't ever make no fun of a guy, Ellie. You are listening to Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. Tonight's play, The Crustacean. All of us at some time are faced with a challenge, and the man in uniform is no exception. Many is the time, for example, when he is called upon to demonstrate his peacetime value and importance to the civilian population of the United States. During 1954, the New England coast was hit by an unexpected and highly damaging hurricane. Not long after the storm passed, the men of the U.S. Naval Base at Newport Rhode Island went into action. It supplied portable generators to provide emergency electrical power for three hospitals, a newspaper, two dairies, and an entire city. It provided a 1,000-watt generator to enable a radio station in Newport to resume broadcasting. And when a serious fire broke out in Newport, the Navy Base furnished a fire engine in 2,500 feet of hose. It also sent pumping equipment to nearby Portsmouth and the portable flood-lighting unit to the Providence Post Office, as well as helicopter surveillance teams over several devastated areas. And in order to prevent rioting and looting as an aftermath of the hurricane, the Navy assigned 105 shore patrolmen to assist local police in four Rhode Island communities. As long as their help was needed, the Navy men gave unselfishly of their time and equipment. Yes, by their aid and assistance, the military once more successfully met a challenge. Can I have a glass of water? Oh, here, Joe. Pretty dry. Joe, uh... Joe, I've tried to make some of this out. It isn't too clear. Everybody's got a color if it belongs to them. Oh, well, I got that much. But is the color in, say, the clothes they wear? You don't understand. I didn't hear it at all. Well, I'm trying to understand, Joe. Joe, I'd like you to tell me more so I can understand what's in here. Yeah? A few minutes ago, you said that everything you know about colors is right. Well, I told you that I wasn't too certain about that. I want to know for sure one way or the other. I made no mistake about that there. I thought I did once on a kind of alley, but I didn't. I was right from the beginning when I first seen her. Boy, can't you hear anymore? I didn't hear all right. What's the matter, you sore-addy? Let me alone. I'm busy. Oh, there's no rush about anything. Your dining room's closed. I can see you've been at it like a little old beaver with a load on. I couldn't stay around this dump for a minute if the tips weren't so good. We had a house full tonight. Did you laugh at any of them? You are sore. But you're kind of a wise-acre, too, aren't you? I mind my own business. How is the pot-and-pan business, old boy? Never mind. Or maybe I should be asking you about the color business. Seeing a lot of life around these days? I don't bother you. Are you afraid of me? A man like you's got so many ideas? I want to finish up. You're all finished. Everybody's gone. I want to goodbye. Be a match first. Here. Light it for me. Let me by now. Why don't you have a smoke yourself? I don't feel like one. Aren't you going to talk to me? Got nothing to talk about. There's plenty to say this afternoon all about your ideas. Yeah, I don't know. That's too bad, and I was going to learn so much. You'll never learn anything. You know what you are? You're a fish. You're a crab, maybe a shrimp. You've got a shell just like one of them. You're a fish? I want to buy. Come on, kid. Hey, Foley, old crab. You ever been this close to a girl before? Maybe we ought to talk now. I'm anxious to know all about your ideas. No, no, Foley, don't run away. I ain't scared of you. Yeah, I'd like it. Why would you be scared of me, Foley? Drop your bucket. Let me by. Please. All right, if you answered my question, Foley, you ever been this close to a girl before? Hmm? Have you? Wash is married. Them guys that deliver things ain't had no time for you. I don't want no part of you either, Ellie. Oh, you? Now, let me get by. See, that's what you are, Gracie. You're a greasy dumbbell. I didn't think I'd have much to say to her after that. I mean, I thought I'd stay clear of her, but that wasn't easy since we were both in the same kitchen. At first, we didn't talk at all. Just sort of looked away. But after day or two, Ellie, come over to me. We're going to keep this up. Keep what up? Arguing. Makes no difference to me. I want you to tell me about the colors, Foley. I told you once before. All right, all right. Maybe I did try to kid you. Foley, look, I'm worried. And you're the only one who can help me. Yes. I saw a color last night for the first time. Can you tell me something about it? You laughed. Not now. It scared me. Listen, what does yellow mean when you see it in a dream, Foley? You've seen yellow? I don't know. Everything painted yellow, real bright. Like box cars? Yellow box cars? Yeah. Yeah, how'd you know? Only way to see yellow. Well, say, there is something to this. Tell me what it means. Foley, tell me what it means. I told her it wasn't nothing bad like she thought. I told her because I had it all written down there. Of course, I didn't think Ellie ever see a color like yellow. That's a good color. Then a couple of days later she's seen some blue and I told her about that. Then once she's seen white. Bad? Pretty good. That means you got some traveling to do. Well, I'll be, you're right. Up until now I wasn't sure you weren't just handing me a lot of baloney. I got a letter from my sister today. I'm going to go to Spokane when I finish here. That settles. What you mean? You really got something here, kid. Everything you told me has been right down the line. It works. I know. Look, I don't want to tell you your business, and about all these ideas you got. You ought to sell them for money. What? Sure. Sure. I saw you with a big pile of paper, things you've been writing down about it. You ought to put that in print. It's practically a book. Oh, no. I don't write so good. You shouldn't let that worry you. You ought to get it all together and let some publisher see it. My ideas? Well, why not? They're good ideas. We both know they work, don't we? Don't we, Foley? I guess we do. What are you waiting for? Get busy. That's it, sitting there. I put in a lot of time on it. Took a lot of time, because all I had was what I sort of scratched out, but it came out pretty good. And Ellie said she'd take it with her when she left. She said she had a friend who was a publisher in San Francisco. I guess maybe I've seen it all happen. I mean, me. Telling people about my ideas. Oh, Ellie. What do you say, Foley? Getting ready to go, are you? Yeah. All I had to do is close that suitcase stick on my hat and I'm off like a dirty shirt. What do you got there? My writings. You remember you said you'd take it to San Francisco with you? I did say that, didn't I? Well, you can never tell what a girl say in a rash moment. Let's have a look at it. A little greasy, isn't it? Well, I might have got it a little dirty. Yeah? What's it about? What's it about? You know what's it about? You've been telling me things all along here. That stuff about the colors? Foley, you know, there's something else I forgot to tell you. What? I never dreamed of color in my life. Huh? I never dreamed, kiddo. Just never dreamed at all. Can you imagine that? Well, you told me you'd dream yellow and then blue and white. You told me that. You know what? I was glad to tell you that. Huh? A little confession to make, sweetheart. I read that trash you got in your hand there. I walked in your room and I read it a long time ago. What do you think I got to know so much about your screwy ideas? You want me to quote some of it till you watch out? Watch it. You then want me to do anything except so as you could laugh at me, is that it? Well, now I guess maybe that is it. Yeah, that's it, kiddo. Since we never had many laughs together, I'll do the laughing for both of us. Why don't you throw that stupid pile of paper away? It makes about as much sense as you do standing there. You knew all the things I was going to tell you ahead of time. Yeah. I've seen orange, Ellie. I've seen it when you first showed here. Orange? Well, so what? Don't you know what orange means, Ellie? You read this here. Not just a minute, crackpot. Orange isn't a good color. It's bad. Maybe it's worse. But then you told me some other things, so I thought I was wrong. But I see it pretty plain right now. You didn't want to listen to me. You never want to listen to anybody. You never will. Get out of here. No, Ellie. I see it, but I never know. Listen, you crazy crack. No, no. Ellie, can you hear me? I've seen it when you first walked in. Orange. Orange. Orange. I'm going to look all this over, Joe. Yeah, yeah, you do that, Vic. You can tell by them what I've been saying is right. I mean about Ellie. Reporters, Vic, you want to know all about this coloring or want to take pictures of the book and get it in the morning edition? Well, your father's whispering about it. Oh, just a minute, Joe. How about it? No. Tell him no. But, Vic, you'll keep hounding us up. Go out there and tell him no. The color thing has nothing to do with their stories. OK. Hey. What, Joe? What happens now? Well, I guess you'll stay here tonight, Joe. Sergeant Bailey will be back in a minute to take you downstairs. I'll sleep here. That's right, Joe. OK. OK by me. Hey, Vic. Hmm? You got blue. Blue? That means you're a pretty nice guy. Hey, Vic. How about another one of them? Tail-made, Vic. Sure, Joe. The cross-stations starring Kathy and Elliot Lewis on stage. We were able to be as authentic as it's possible to be in radio when Larry Thor, who is Detective Danny Clover in Broadway's My Beat, agreed to play Vic, the policeman. And Polly Bear joined us for the first time tonight to play Wash, who owned the restaurant. The sound effects that you hear each week on stage are performed by two very versatile young men. Their names are Byrne Surrey and Ross Murray. Byrne Surrey isn't going to be a sound effects artist much longer since he's been studying medicine and soon will have his degree and open his own practice. Ross Murray isn't going to be a sound effects artist much longer either since he's been writing scripts. And his newest script is what we're going to do next week. It's called Penny Anty. It was written by Ross Murray and it will include sound effects by Ross Murray and almost Dr. Byrne Surrey. Until next week, thank you for listening. Good night. Good night.