 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay comment I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic the five phrases that make a man's heart melt And number four is the most important Really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel hit please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube out algorithms lastly My coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart Occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence so if f-bombs are not your thing I highly recommend logging off right now And lastly these are just my perceptions and opinions based on most of my studying of studying relationships with over 20,000 hours of coaching and 33,000 hours of personal development work and I'm here to say is these are my perceptions and opinions. These aren't necessarily facts Okay, so with that said we're gonna talk about the five phrases that make a man's heart melt Now before we get into this folks I want to lean into the two different types of men who are actively in the Dating realm. I'm gonna repeat that the two different types of men who are active in the dating realm The first guy is the emotionally available guy the emotionally mature guy. Those are guys that are very Intentional about the dating process. Okay, they're very intentional. They're very virtuous They actually have a clue as to what they want in relationship So when they're putting themselves out there, they're very intentional and I know many of you like Jonathan I want that guy. I want that guy. I want that guy. I get it. I get it But here's the challenge 80% of the population men and women alike are emotionally immature Emotionally stunted or they're dealing with past traumas and past wounds So they're not really capable of being in a long-term relationship So you might be wondering why are they putting themselves out there? Well, the fact of the matter is is human beings want connection with other human beings We want we want physical connection mostly But also some sort of companionship connection and especially after the pandemic people have been desperate to connect with other people's people's people So I'm here to say is I recognize much of your frustration women of why it's so difficult To meet people because you're having to sift through all of those emotionally unavailable and emotionally stunted people Those who lack true emotional maturity now, I'm here to say ladies since my audience is women I'm going to tell you as a man out in the dating realm. It's equally the same for women There are equally emotionally unavailable women equally as amount of women who are emotionally stunted The only difference is women tend to be more expressive with their emotions and men tend to be more reserved in their emotions I'm not talking about emotions themselves. I'm talking about emotional maturity inter-personal Relationships and believe it or not women are just as bad in the process as men I'm here Pete that women are just as bad in the process of men So like I say typically there most guys are good guys. They're just bad daters Well, yes women are also good people and yet most of them are bad daters By the way, I want to say hi to my Instagram live who's following as well All right, so we're going to dive into today these five phrases that make a man's heart melt now I want to say this This is for the emotionally mature man the emotionally mature man because for the emotionally Unmatured man the emotionally stunted men it almost doesn't matter what you say because they're not capable of going deeper into a Relationship and repeat that they're not capable of going into the deeper into a deeper relationship This is one of the reasons why I created a coaching practice to help women vet for emotional maturity That's right You have to learn how to ask the right questions early on to determine if this guy's even a good candidate to be dating I call it pre qualifying your prospect and those folks who are in sales know exactly what I mean pre-qualify your prospect and if you need help learning how to pre qualify your prospect check out the link in the Description below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you If you're ready to hire a coach to learn how to ask better questions early on you should schedule a call with me because that's my area of expertise Okay, because folks Let's face it Most of you are throwing darts against the wall when it comes to men Most of you haven't learned how to actually get to know another human being and set sadly Men and women alike don't know how to get to know another human being beyond the surface beyond the surface In fact, if you're familiar with my relationship iceberg by the way for those on Instagram, that's my relationship iceberg But we're gonna go back to To my YouTube and on the top you can see the tip of the iceberg is chemistry All right, and above the water line is called attraction It's the first thing we see in the dating process is whether or not we're attracted to someone In fact, most dating advice is hyper focused on Attraction without really digging deeper below the surface of the iceberg below the surface of the water And as you can see here, it's shared values Blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and as you start checking off these boxes The water line begins to drop the water line begins to drop and you have greater and greater Attraction for one another and yet most folks never get to that level of deep Attraction because they're they're with people who lack Emotional maturity or have weak emotional interpersonal skills to be in relationship or they don't share They don't their lifestyles are not blendable or they don't share the same values and I witnessed this with women Repeatedly over and over again Choosing the wrong man over and over again if you're ready to stop choosing the wrong man Do me a favor and raise your hand and say amen I am done choosing the wrong man because if you're ready to do that Then we're gonna then I want to help you like I said schedule a call with me All right, so we're gonna get into those five phrases that make a man's heart melt and guess what? It's not sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex. It's not that So I started to think I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses So I started to think about there's a you there's a me and then there's a collective we There's a you a me and a collective we and when two people get into that collective we that's the strongest place to be in relationship and When you're in that space men and women alike should be practicing Practicing something I learned from my ex-girlfriend dr. Sherry Myers She taught me something called the four a's the four a's and I want to talk about that right now because it leans into this conversation and the four a's are attention affection appreciation and acceptance let me repeat that attention affection appreciation and acceptance Okay, those are for that's like your multivitamin that your relationship needs every day for it to actually Progress much too. Let me reframe that your relationship Can progress without this, but if you want a juicy delicious relationship that's gonna go the distance I highly recommend each one of you practice these four a's attention affection appreciation and acceptance So we're gonna lean into these four before I give you the fifth bonus one for the five phrases We're gonna lean into these four and the types of questions You are the types of things you might say to a guy that actually Stimulates him that actually turns him on and let me just remind you this is for those emotionally available men who have Emotional maturity these are not this won't work on the emotionally stunted guy. I mean it might work a little bit But the reality isn't the emotionally stunted guy can't go the distance anyway So there's nothing you can do to hook her in to hook him in if he's not capable of going the distance But this is for those guys that you're ready to just take it to another level I want you to practice these five phrases. So the first one centers around attention So I like this particular phrase to share to a guy and it might be when you're having a discussion and you stop In the moment of the discussion and you say the following Repeat that you stop in the moment of the discussion. You say the following you say you have my undivided Attention you have my undivided attention in that moment. It's basically saying that you're present You're not thinking about the future. You're not thinking about the past. You're being present to what's happening in this moment So when you say this to an emotionally Mature man, he's gonna go wow I mean, that's a very powerful phrase when I'm ladies think about that for a second when a guy says it to you You have my undivided attention. Isn't that kind of sexy when you're about to share something well again This goes both ways men and women are actually more similar than you think and so you can actually practice what works on women The same with men, okay All right, so that's attention being present you have my undivided attention number two Now remember I said it's attention and affection now affection. I like I'm a physical touch By the way, I'm a words and physical touch guy I don't know if that's being a Leo or not But those are my two love languages and if you're not familiar with the five love languages I highly recommend you checking out the five love languages the five love languages and that's Words of affirmation or for us Leo's it's words of adoration and by the way, it's my birthday in two days So words of affirmation physical touch quality time access service and gifts So in this particular one the second phrase centers around physical touch so while stroking your his arm By the way, I I think this is a sexy thing. I what I've had women on first dates I was they just literally just started to touch my arm and I loved it I don't know if everybody likes that, but I know I loved it and I like the phrase. I like touching you I like touching you that might be you put your hand through his hair Touching his body, but actually adding the phrase. I really love touching you and feeling you That's a sexy phrase to make an emotionally healthy man's heart melt And as I said before those emotionally stunted men those emotionally unavailable men We'll probably get turned off by it because I'm sure some of you are saying well I've said things like that before and men have been turned off by it Well chances are because you were in a mouth with an emotionally unavailable or emotionally stunted man I like touching you and include some physical touch. We love physical touch All right number three oh Now any anything so it's attention affection Appreciation, do you know men oftentimes one of their biggest complaint or one of their Comments after going through a divorce is they felt a lack of feeling appreciated in the relationship I think most men would say that's probably number one to one and two is a lack of feeling appreciation So anytime you can use the word appreciation Gratitude or grateful again anytime you can use the word Appreciation and gratitude or grateful that's going to score way more points. So let me give you an example. I Had it's one thing to say like for example a man took you out on a date and you said thanks so much for treating for dinner Okay, that sounds good. Let's take it to another level I really appreciated that you took the time to plan a date and treat for a day And I just want you to know how grateful I am for that. I Really appreciate you took the time and I'm grateful These are two powerful words in the English language and because thank you is so Used habitually that it lacks any weight anymore. Let me repeat that. Thank you. Lacks any weight anymore wait So so I would like everyone to start practicing Using the word appreciation and gratitude. Can you do that for me? And if you can give me a thumbs up right now Okay, and number four. I like this one. This is the most powerful of all and that is men Listen, there's this old saying men Garrett men marry women hoping They don't change and women marry men hoping they do change ladies The one thing you can't do is ever change a guy Can a man grow beyond where he's at? Absolutely, but you can never change a guy So I like the following phrase as a very sexy phrase to share with a man and that is I accept you for who you are I accept you for who you are. I accept you for who you are. I accept you for who you are Do you know when a woman says that to a man? I accept you for who you are that probably the emotionally stunted guy Um, he's gonna run away because he doesn't accept himself for who he is But the emotionally mature man the emotionally available man when he hears you accept him for who he is That's like that's like fourth of july sky rockets going off And that is what I'd like you to start saying more often that you actually can accept the person you're with because that's going to make his heart melt And the fifth and final one the fifth and final one We're going to bring it back to sex. I'm going to bottom line is this It's simple. Let's fuck Let's fuck grab them take them to the bedroom and have sex with them because that makes a man's heart melt Like no other business. So let's fuck. Let's uh, do you want to fuck? It's funny I was watching the movie tad with mark wallberg and seth mcfarland and mila cunis is um mark wallberg's girlfriend And there's a scene where they're getting ready to for work and she becomes a little amorous with them And she goes hey, I've got an I've got 20 minutes before I have to go to work And she's being amorous and then he turns to her and says I only need one Ha ha ha that's a little cheesy, but the point is folks. Let's face it. We men Like sex. So if you initiate sex by saying let's fuck, that's a great way to make a man's heart melt All right, really quickly. I'm going to repeat these five phrases and we're going to get ready for our q&a We're going to get ready for our q&a So really quickly just reminder attention affection appreciation and acceptance attention affection appreciation acceptance and then sex of course and so first is I you have my Undivided attention that's demonstrating that you're present number two I love touching you and you do this while you're touching him number three Any words of appreciation or gratitude replace the word thank you by using the words appreciation and gratitude I really appreciated that you took me out to dinner last night and treated And I just want you to know how grateful I am number four I accept you for who you are I accept you for who you are and finally let's fuck Remember, I told you I'm going to use expletives. So those are the five phrases that make a man's heart melt Try them out. Let me know how they work Again, these work with emotionally available emotionally mature men who are actually ready for a relationship Now before I take questions, I have a little public service announcements This is for the men who are watching my channel I know my channel is for women But I am grateful that men are starting to watch and I have a message for you men out in the dating realm And that is please pull your fucking heads out of your ass Let me repeat that Please pull your heads out of your fucking ass Many of you are dating without any intentionality and any true respect for women. It's fucking bullshit Many of you are wounded. I get it. I was there Many of you were wounded Both in your maybe in a marriage maybe in a past relationship I certainly am aware that you've been wounded in your childhood and such like that So that can make it very challenging to be in a relationship But here's the thing men women get attached very quickly So here's the bottom line because you don't get attached as a quick quickly as as women do I think you should be stepping up and start being more intentional Do you want a serious relationship or not? Be upfront because if it's just a casual relationship you seek and I know many of you are then please be more Delivered about expressing your capability of being in relationship because what I'm about to share next Is for the women to ferret you men out So ladies, I'm going to give you something to help you Determine if this guy is ready for a capable of a serious relationship or not And I'd like you to use this next time and the following is You're speaking to a guy named Jonathan for example Jonathan I've wasted time with men who are not serious or they still hold a torch for someone else Which one are you? I've dated men who are not serious about a relationship or they've been holding a torch for someone else Which one is you? Now here's the thing Of a true gentle a guy who's not capable of being in a relationship We actually have a virtue button inside of us We have the capacity to be virtuous and if we think you're someone of value of virtue In other words, we don't see you as a sex object We actually will turn you down Even though we might be in it for the short run. Let me repeat that we'll turn you down What I mean by turn you down is they may not answer this question But they'll probably not follow up for a date and that's actually what you want to accomplish You want the wrong guys not to ask you out on a second or third date And you want the right guys to lean in Now if a guy gets defensive because of this question if someone gets defensive over this one What does it say about them that they get defensive? You don't want to be with someone who gets defensive over a question where you said I've wasted time Dating men who aren't serious or hold a torch for someone else and by the way Had this been phrased the following Men have wasted my time who are not serious or the holding a torch for someone else Let me differentiate between these two phraseologies ladies When you say men have wasted my time, that's victim consciousness That's a lack of emotional maturity when you lean in and say I've wasted my time With men who are not serious or who are holding a torch for someone else The a guy who's again a guy who sees you with virtue May not respond or may deflect it But these guys won't call you back and that's what you want You want the wrong guys not calling you for a second date? Because if you ask me this question, which I I would love this question I'd be candid my last serious relationship ended four years ago I haven't been serious with anyone since and I don't hold a torch for anyone else. Thank you so much That's a great question because now I'm gonna on a date. I'm gonna ask you the same question Are you ready for a serious relationship and do you hold a torch for someone else? I hope you like that. So bringing this back to full circle guys Pull your head out of your ass men who are watching this start being more intentional start being more of a gentleman to women Understanding that they get attached quickly just because you want to get laid doesn't make it right And I get it. There's plenty of low hanging fruit out there. I get it But you know what even with the low hanging fruit you can be more genuine than most of you are All right, by the way, I please forgive me to the ladies about the low hanging fruit But a lot of women actually are they do it. They actually don't value themselves enough. They give their power away to men And that's not healthy for you either. This is why I invite every one of you to read my book What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? There's a link in the description below I highly recommend getting my book so you can start Experiencing more love for yourself so you don't give your power away And you don't become a doormat or you don't become low hanging fruit All right, I think it's time to take questions So if you want to ask a question in the live stream right now This is only for those on faith on youtube on the live stream post the word question Then write your question thereafter in addition Please purchase a super sticker or a super chat in a super chat You can post a question all the monies that come from a super sticker and super chat go to Scholarship fund in the in honor of Connor my son Connor. There's a picture of Connor That's my son who passed away three years ago It's in his name and the scholarship fund is to defray the cost of personal development for those folks that want To actually do some inner work for themselves All right, let's jump in And yes, thank you for my birthday my margaret. My birthday is on sunday. Thank you so much Kelly says emotionally unavailable men don't heal as they eat their ego gets fed that is true I saw a question here before so let me scroll Carol says I love your bluntness pull your head out of your ass exactly Cindy says attention affection appreciation acceptance. I do love these and yes Give your undivided attention want to touch him given the thank you except he isn't and then let's fuck I love it. Thank you, Cindy for sharing that for everyone Um, I saw a question here bear with me Um bum bum bum again write the word question. Here we go. Sadie writes jonathan Question jonathan. Do you believe there are any fundamental differences between men and women? If yes, what are they? jonathan, do you believe there are any fundamental differences between men and women? Yes, are they so if you watched my life Hold on everybody for one second Okay, i'm coming back. Thank you for being patient with me If you watched my live stream the other day I did the 11 factors for determining a man's love commitment style the 11. So here's the thing Basically that there are differences and there's similarity between men and women so the basic differences center around our our Instinct from our cave mandays men tend to be more provider protectors and hunters women tend to be nurturers and gatherers Biology based we give off different pheromones and different chemicals men have more testosterone women have more estrogen And then socialization the way we were socialized is boys and girls and our traditional expectations Those are our differences Sadie where we are similar Is how fucked up we are in other words how fucked up our childhood was our love attachment styles Our social our upbringing how traumatic our upbringing was The age of a person their life experiences their culture or religion culture religion actually is a little bit Different between the way men and women are treated. So I would say culture and religion Probably makes up some differences there Your socioeconomic state in in life. Basically. Are you rich poor? Are you average? That's where people are very similar physical appearance Each meant there's no differences between men and women and physical appearance and what I mean to say is We are in charge of our bodies how we look and I mean we can't control our height and everything Um, but we can certainly control a lot of what we when I say control Influence a lot of the way we look and how we feel and how we dress our emotional intelligence Women and men a lot 97 percent of the human population is emotionally weak in interpersonal skills So that's true of men and women alike and then lastly Introspective work men and women alike equally do very little introspective work So there are some differences biology instinct and socialization But everything else to the extent that we're similar. We are we are exposed to similar Experiences that affect us that have nothing to do with gender So Sadie, I hope that helps answer your question. That's a great question. It really piggybacks on my previous live stream called the 11 Um factors determining for a man's love commitment style and I highly recommend you watching that great question Sadie Thank you so much All right say hi to everyone on instagram. Thank you All right, let's see what other questions we have are you liking this content so far? Is this resonating with you if it is please hit that like button and share this with friends Jody says Men don't wait long enough to heal from a breakup. They are on dating apps already looking for validation intention. It sucks Judy I can say the exact same thing for women. Yes men do that women do that This is by the way folks every time you point the finger at a gender Without looking at your own gender because you're only looking at through your lens. Let me tell you as a man I see the same thing from women Judy So yes, that is true for men and women folks We've got to stop this separation of the sexes and start bringing us Together and one a great way to do that is to read the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated I highly recommend reading this book to understand Not the differences between the genders about how we should operate more from a heart-centered spiritual place And not from this egoic space of pointing the finger at the opposite sex because that really does no fucking good But I do appreciate your question. Judy. Thank you so much All right, let's keep going Sherry says happy birthday my fellow leo. Yes, it's in two days. Thank you so much all right Denise writes question should we try our five tips today on emotionally unavailable men? Yes, go for practice these skills ladies Practice on the emotionally available men So you get so good at it that you're prepared for the right guy when you meet an emotionally mature man Emotionally mature men are not driven by sex Emotionally mature men don't put you up on a pedestal Emotionally mature men are very demonstrative very effusive and very intentional and that is the man. I'd like to see you date It's hard to figure it out because when a man comes on strong It's usually driven by sex or put you up on a pedestal and not necessarily whether or not he thinks he's You're a right fit for them. That's why my coaching program schedule a call with me We'll help you figure that out All right, Teresa just gave me a 20 dollar super sticker. Thank you so much Teresa. I really appreciate that It's my birthday. Well, you guys buy some super stickers and super chats Thank you so much. I really appreciate that Anya says I missed the tips. I just came in I'll share it again in a little bit Anya. Thank you so much Kelly says I don't move on fast, but some do I need time to get people out Get people out my energy so I won't hurt the next person Very good I'm a big believer of taking time to be introspective and work on your inner work So you can actually be ready for a juicy delicious relationship. Does everyone want a juicy delicious relationship? Raise your hand and say yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes All right, do we have any more questions post the word question? um Let's see. Oh, here we go. Sherry writes question A guy hangs around for a year For over a year. He was divorced and had one relationship after that. He keeps coming around not just for sex. Why? Because he likes you Now does that mean he wanted a relationship with you? No, that doesn't mean anything. He just happens to like you Do you like him? Why don't you ask him out on a date say? Hey, can I treat you to coffee? Can I buy you a drink sometime? You know see if there's any chemistry between the two of you if there's any spark between you, but um You don't initiate ladies this stupid book ruined it for you This book the rules ruined it for you because the first rule says or I think it's one of the first rules Hold on a second Um Oh So rule number two don't talk to a man first Don't ask him on a date. This is the stupidest fucking rule that was ever written the stoop I I mean this book is so bad. It needs to be burned now There's a couple good things in here. You can't change a guy which we just talked about ladies You can ask a guy on a date Why are we got like by the way a man's penis isn't going to shrivel up and shrink because you asked him out on a date Oh my god My penis fell off because a woman just asked me out on a date. I'm so emasculated I'm such a feminine mess because she asked me out That's the garbage Guys love when women take a little bit of initiative Why is bumble one of the number one dating apps where women take the initiative? So in my invitation for you sherry Put it out there What he got to lose and if he's not interested you get to move on from any Potentially unrequited love you might already be storing up inside of you Hmm boy, did I just get riled up right there? My penis shriveled up all right Great question sherry. Thank you so much All right, if we have any more questions Carol says lol penis falling off exactly Hey Let's see. I had a question come in here. Oh, that's not it. Um, what other question by the way, we got a bashful group here Okay wonder rights question How do I trust again from any man new to dating after 38 years? How do you trust a man? um Look at I look at trust like I look at the court system A person is innocent Until proven guilty So I like to give trust to everyone now what I'm what I mean to say give to trust I I like to watch I think Who is it? Dr. Pat Allen said instead of focusing on getting trust How about just looking for trustworthy acts? Do their actions match their words? Do they have victor consciousness instead of victim consciousness? Do they know how to fight fair meaning? Do they know how to listen to your point of view and accept your point of view as being true for you? Do they have empathy meaning? Can they lean into not just feeling your feelings but caring about your feelings and also caring about their own feelings? and then lastly Are they transparent because that's the sign of emotional maturity rather focusing on trust How about focusing on emotional maturity because the bottom line is this You know people can change their mind whenever they want They could we have people that have been got married made wedding vows And then three years later started to cheat people change their minds all the time But if you have a pre disposed pre disposition that somebody is guilty Before they've ever had a chance to testify Then that's on you and I got to tell you I've dated women with trust issues and this is what I do I X them out really quickly if a woman has trust issues. I say no no no no no I don't date women with trust issues I don't and I don't suggest you dating a man with trust issues. So if you have trust issues I highly suggest you working on that. You may want to do the Hoffman process the Hoffman process Do the Hoffman process. This is a great book to heal childhood wounds and traumas So you can be in a space where you can actually be more in your heart centered of loving instead of basically Judging someone before you ever met them. That's my invitation for you. Take it for what it's worth. I hope that helps Wanda great question. Thank you so much great question. All right trendsetters says question So if the guy corrects you when you say the f word and asks you to use softer words instead Let's make love Does it mean he's emotionally unavailable? Listen folks, you could I could have said let's make love, but I just said fuck because I like to draw f-bombs You know Some people are not everybody is uh is graphic as I am so I can accept that if someone is making a genuine request Like he did I actually respect him because what he's doing is making a request In fact in the work of of dr. John and Julie Gottman doctors John and Julie Gottman Their book is a great. There's a great book called eight dates eight dates What I love about their work is instead of making demands make requests So what he simply did was made a request Can we use softer language? And you have to accept that for yourself. Does that work for you? And if it works for you great, but that doesn't mean he's emotionally unavailable Someone I was really talking about in the earlier part of this uh live stream As if someone gets defensive or angry at any of the things I just suggested In these five phrases that make a man's heart melt Then chances are he's not capable of leaning in to deeper intimacy Into me. You see intimacy in to me see Into me see into me see intimacy intimacy folks 50% of divorces cite a lack of real genuine intimacy between the partners Really, that's it 50% of divorces cite a lack of genuine intimacy between them and their partners This is why I highly recommend reading the book Making love all the time by barba de angeles making love all the time by barba de angeles This is a great book to really lean into intimacy folks men ladies men aren't buying these books You are so start using these books And start sharing what you learned from these books. I know it's frustrating, but ladies Men are the physical leaders of a relationship and you are the emotional leaders of the relationship Everything I've learned today came from a woman most everything I've learned that I teach you came from women Not from men men aren't good at this stuff. You're the leaders of your relationship destiny not them All right I'm sherry. Thank you for the super sticker as well. I really appreciate that. All right. Let's see what other questions we have um Anne says a married man told me privately that his relationship with his wife is good, but boring What does he mean making love just like everyone is like chores? This is humiliating to me. Do you agree? First off anyone who's sharing private information about their marriage to someone Could be one of two. Well, first off he's breaking a confidence with his with his spouse. So Um, but sometimes men do that to test the waters because you women are so gullible I swear to god. Oh by the way, my mug says swear a little you'll feel better Um ladies you are so gullible When a married man starts to profess how unhappy is in a relationship It blows me away. How many of you get sucked in You got sucked in you get so sucked in by that. Wow a married man who's unhappy Maybe I can be the one who makes him happy So my guess is he was throwing a trial balloon Or he's betraying a confidence which isn't healthy either way. So that's my opinion on that one All right, and thank you for that Denise writes question How do you know when to walk away? He's a good man, but he's flat out says he's broken and needs space But still pulls you in folks. All right, so self-respect Self-respect means says when a man says he's broken and incapable of being in a relationship self-respect says Bye-bye And when you get pulled in it's because he just wants connection and sex Remember I said in the beginning of this livestream. There's the emotionally healthy man and the emotionally unhealthy man What you just described as the un emotionally unhealthy man who wants connection and sex and because all right So let me give you an analogy that will make help you with this one Denise My son call and that's a picture up there. Um, I'll never forget. He and I some years ago Um where he wanted to get a new video game that came out at Best Buy and it was coming out at midnight So We and he said dad, can you take he was 14? Can you take me to the store and we can wait in line? So we got there at like 5 p.m The 5 p.m. And when we got there we were like the 20th person in line Can I tell you by 11 59 before the doors open? It was a football field as wide as 20 feet of fathers and sons out there Or or any where there were adult kids as well And my kid my son got a video game halo or something like that And he played it and he played it and he played it and he played it and he played it and he played it and he played it and played it And then a new video game came out So he put the video game on the shelf and he played the new video game and he played it and played it played it But he got bored with the new video game and he pulled the old video game out and started to play that And then he got bored with that and put it away and played a new video game And then he got bored and he went back to the old video game Ladies, this is what men do They know you're on the shelf easily can just he can just easily pull you off the shelf because you're gullible. You're gullible. But Jonathan, I love him and I wanna make this work so I wanna do everything I can to make it so simple for him. Folks, when a man says he's broken and doesn't have space for a relationship, you should follow the movie Forrest Gump. Run, Forrest, run! Run, Forrest, run! Run, Forrest, run! You should be running away. Shouldn't be leaning into those kind of relationships. People reveal themselves, tend to reveal themselves quickly but you're allowing that person, self-respect. I'm spitting. Self-respect means saying no. One of the chapters in my book, one of the chapters in my book, learning to say no. Denise, no, no, no, no, no. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Everyone on Instagram too? I hope this helps. Thank you so much. And I wanna thank Sonia for the super sticker. Thank you so much, everybody. You're so generous on my birthday today. Thank you so much. If I'm making a difference in your life, purchase the super sticker and super chat. I'd be really grateful. Denise, thank you so much. I hope that helped. All right. There we go. Sonia's super sticker. Thank you so much. Denise says, oh no, Jonathan is gonna give it to me now. Exactly. Melissa says, Denise, that was a good question. I hope she liked the answer as much as well. Melissa, thank you so much. All right, let's see what we've got here. Post the word question or purchase the super sticker and super chat and post your question there. All right, we've got Natalie. Natalie writes question. How long is it reasonable to wait after a breakup? I feel I would need to go on a relationship faster. I may easily end up with any lusting man. So I think as a rule of thumb, if you were in a significant marriage, as an example, I would mentally give myself two years of unraveling. Here, hold on a second. Give yourself two years to unravel the tapestry of your old life and then maybe consider a new life maybe after reading some of the books I recommend. If you had a six month relationship, maybe give it two months, three months at the most. If you had a three year relationship, give it six months of some alone time. You know, what's most important is some really good quality alone time. Folks, my significant relationship ended four years ago. In fact, she was very sweet. She called me just now to wish me a happy birthday right before the live stream. And these last four years, I've really worked on healing my codependency. And if you're not familiar with codependency, I highly recommend reading the book, Codependent No More, Codependent No More. So I spent time healing my codependency and my need for someone to love me so I can feel good about myself. Now what happened in my case is my mother passed away. There's a picture of my mother and father. My mother was 88 years old when she passed away. And then sadly, six months later, my son passed away. Talk about breaking my heart open. It was through Connor's passing that I was able to lean into something I really hadn't done much in my life. And that was self love. And I began immersing myself in writing my second book called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? This is dedicated to all of those that seek love and it's in his name, his honor that I created this book. And during these last four years, I've actually learned to enjoy my own company. I never was that way. I never really did like my own company. And now I actually, I'm almost a little worried if I got too far on the pendulum of liking my company too much. It's gonna take a special woman to actually want me to, I don't wanna say give up, to lean into partnership. And I recognize that it's a frustrating dating process for many of you women, but it's frustrating for us men too. I gotta tell you, I've gone on dates with women that do very little to stimulate my mind or my heart. And most women I find are rather, they're not inquisitive. One of the sexiest things to me in a woman or a man is people who are curious, they're inquisitive, not just about you, but about life. Where's my phone? Hold on a second. Oh, there it is. Oh, I have a meme. I was trying to, my phone's right there. I'm recording this Instagram, but I have a meme. It's called on my Instagram called, I hate small talk. I wanna talk about atoms, death, aliens, the lies you've told, your favorite sense. I wanna hear about your life. I don't wanna know what's up. That's the problem with most dating is most dating is so superficial. And this is why it's frustrating and men and women alike are bad at it. This is why I'm all about, one of the things I teach in my private coaching is called radical honesty. And this is a questionnaire you complete on your own to really come up with those radically honest questions. I asked Friday, someone asked me, how do you ask a guy if he's emotionally available? And I said to you all, this is a great question to ask a guy. And I just did this recently with a date. I said, how fucked up are you? How fucked up are you? Now I said it laughingly with a little bit of Jess, but the point is, we're all rather riddled with wounds. And I think it's important to find out how fucked up a person is. Because if they're dealing, if they have unhealed wounds and traumas, they make bad candidates for dating. And this is why I'm here to invite everybody to ask deeper questions, instead of the stupid narrative of, well, just sit back in your feminine energy and a man will claim you because men are just so fucking chivalrous. Like what fucking planet are these people talking about? Just sit back in your feminine energy and a man's penis is just gonna, that's by the way, when you're sitting back of your feminine energy, all the penis is doing is looking for the vagina. That's all. Because sitting back in your feminine energy isn't going to attract an emotionally mature person, it only attracts those emotionally unhealthy people because human beings are, they're masculine and feminine. Masculine means doing, feminine means receiving. Healthy human beings are both. It's like the yin yang sign. It's a combination of both. It's not the man is masculine and the woman is feminine. It doesn't work that way. We are almost always in our masculine, almost every minute of the day we're in our masculine and we both human beings, men and women alike need to lean into our feminine, our capability of receiving. Feminine isn't a sense of, by the way, a lot of men who are considered feminine are considered weak, but that's being in your feminine energy isn't weak. Being in your feminine energy means you can receive love from another human being. I'm tired of this stupid narrative that makes out masculine and feminine energy as bad when it's in the opposite sex. I went off on a rant here. What was the original question? A reasonable time to wait. Wow, I have this habit of, by the way, folks, I do have a confession to everyone right now. I'm dyslexic. I have a hard time reading and I mix up words all the time. So please forgive me for being human. I do occasionally completely transpose words. Part of it is I'm excited and I'm talking really fast, so that's part of it. But it's just who I am. And I hope you can accept me as who I am as one of those four things highly recommended if you wanna be in a healthy, juicy, delicious relationship. Folks, is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please give me a thumbs up. Thank you so much. Or purchase a super sticker or super chat. Leaf just wrote, self-respect, learning to say no, exactly. All right, if you have a question, Linda says, ha ha, the emotionally unhealthy guy only wants to dance around sex talk and they're usually boring flirters, interesting. That may be true. Kelly says, I love curious people. I have two businesses. I would love to be asked questions. My ex got jealous instead. I don't wanna hear about celebrity drama all the time. Amen to that, Kelly. I don't wanna hear about celebrity drama. I don't know if you're watching Kevin Samuels these days. Boy, that's drama if I've ever seen it. All right, if you have a question, post the word question. Natalie says, my son is dyslexic. It took me a lot of effort to teach him reading. He is also gifted too. Natalie, I can relate to that. My son, Connor, struggled mightily with reading and he was dyslexic. And we did everything we could. We had tutors, we did eye exams, we did all kinds of things. It broke my heart to watch him struggle so much in school because he was so brilliant in so many ways in his life. And sadly he was never going to conform to the way our society is because our society is all about conforming people into a box and Connor was never going to be in a box. He beat to his own drummer. And I sometimes wonder if he left because he wasn't going to be able to enjoy the sad reality is we live in a fucking world that tries to conform people instead of allowing people to express themselves and our school system is riddled with nothing but conformity. And I understand why but it doesn't work for those people that beat to their own drummer or maybe have a disability. And sadly to live in our world, if you can't read it makes it very difficult and we did everything we could for him and he struggled mightily. So anyway, thank you for that. I really appreciate your post. Okay, Sylvia writes, it's your birthday, Jonathan. Have a glass of bubbly cheers to abundance and happy life. Thank you so much. I am going to go out and have a good time tonight. My buddies and I are going to Hollywood for dinner tonight. So if anyone is in Hollywood right now, meet up, I'll be at AOC later this evening with my mates. My best friends who I've known collectively, 35, 35, 35, 100 years of friendship between the four of us. All right, Danielle writes, I hope I didn't screw up your name. Question, should I continue to date a man who feels like a great friend to me and hope that I'll become more physically attracted to him? So I've interviewed thousands of women who are in happy relationship and nearly one third of them have said to me and I quote, I wasn't attracted to my guy on the first, second or third date. I wasn't attracted guy on my first, second or third date. But here's the thing, something changed. So I want to go back to my relationship iceberg, the relationship iceberg. And you remember chemistry is the first thing we see. It's about attraction. But what can happen in your case, Danielle, is you might find that if you share values, you have blendable lifestyles and you equally have emotional maturity, you might find yourself more and more attractive. The water line of attraction is going to begin to drop. By the way, this represents compatibility. This represents above the water line is compatibility. As you lower the water line, you might find yourself more attracted to him. Listen, unless he's missing teeth or have a beer gut the size of Texas, you know what, have sex. You might be surprised. Has anyone seen the movie, revenge of the nerds? Revenge of the nerds? There's a scene where the nerd has sex with the hot cheerleader. The nerd has sex with the hot cheerleader. And all of a sudden she's like, oh my God, I want this guy. So maybe finding out if you're compatible with one another and having sex might shift the narrative. At least it's an invitation, I'm not suggesting. And by the way, practice safe sex, safe sex. If I'm gonna recommend sex, it's safe sex. But try that and see what happens. Great question, Danielle. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Okay, I wanna thank Venetta for your super sticker. Thank you so much, that's very sweet of you. Folks, it's my birthday. Who's gonna get me a super sticker or a super chat? Thank you so much, I appreciate it. All right, there it is, Venetta. Hope I pronounced your name right. Oh, Venetta, thank you so much. You're a beautiful lady. All right, Catherine, my sweetheart Catherine. I've always preferred to use the term making love versus fucking. Happy birthday, early birthday, Jonathan. Thank you so much. Actually, I do like that too, but you know what? Would you like a little, I think there's fun ways because making love, I don't know, with a guy saying the words, let's fuck is a little bit sexier, I think, but that's just me. So each person to their own. Danielle says, you are amazing, thank you. I appreciate that. The Leo and me loves compliments, so thank you so much. Okay, Sonia writes, question. What do I do if my boyfriend cancels a plan and says he wants a self-care day instead? We aren't arguing, but now I feel awkward. Well, how would you feel if you asked for a self-care day? How would you want him to respond? In fact, I invite you, Sonia, right now to journal. If you asked for a self-care day, how would you like him to respond to you? That's your personal development work for today. Is for you to lean into how would you like that response to be if you asked for a self-care day? By the way, folks, I think one of the big problems with dating today is we're spending too much incessant time talking on the phone, talking on the phone, talking on the phone, talking on the phone, texting, talking, texting, talking, texting, talking. I mean, the truth is we need a break from one another. You know what? I actually, my ex-girlfriend and I, the one I talked about before, you know, we used to spend once or twice during the week and then weekends together. And when Monday rolled around, we didn't talk on the phone, we didn't text, we didn't do anything. We used to take a 48-hour break from each other. I think more people should take breaks instead of incessant communicating on their phones, you know, take breaks from each other. So my invitation in this particular case is let him have his self-care day. I mean, well, first off, he should take his self-care day. It's not about you letting him. You should say, oh, let's try those five phrases. You know what? You have my undivided attention. I really appreciate you and I accept you for who you are. I think it's great that you want a self-care day. I really am grateful that you are taking a self-care day. Use one of those phrases I just mentioned. I accept you for who you are. Enjoy your self-care day. Oh, by the way, going back to the incessant text messaging, by the way, I have another comment. My ex-girlfriend I used to do something was called the following and I'd like to invite everybody to do this. So we used to, anytime we texted each other, if it was something kind of serious, we would actually write at the end of the text, N-R-R, N-R-R, no response required. And what I mean by something serious, let me reframe that. When we gave love to our partner, in other words, we would say something affectionate, not serious but affectionate. We would put N-R-R because that took the pressure of having to respond, N-R-R, no response required. No response required. That gave the person a break. So they didn't feel like they had to respond right away because a lot of times the reason why men ghost or disappear because it's too emotionally draining sometimes to respond all the time. So my invitation for every one of you is to practice this thing called N-R-R, no response required. Whenever you send some love, that takes the pressure off and when there's the pressure off, this is a great phrase to make a man's heart melt. Use N-R-R, no response required because it takes the pressure off and then he can respond when he wants to and not because he has to. Can you do that for me, please? Amen. All right, we're gonna be wrapping up in a few minutes. Oh, Natalie, thank you for the super sticker. I really appreciate it. If I answered one of your questions, I'd really appreciate super sticker, super chat. TigerTalk says women are too clingy. Yes, and men are assholes. Women are too clinging, men are assholes. You know what? It goes both ways, folks. Okay. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Carol says, bye, Jonathan. Happy early birthday. I really appreciate that. All right. Sonia says, I accept you for who you are. I love it. Thank you. Hope you're talking to me. Kit Kat says, so I'm a plus size lady and a guy was surprised how sexually inhibited I was, in uninhibited I was because of my plus size. Hey, I know a lot of plus size women. I've had some in my own life that love to have sex. They are uninhibited. That's a fun check in my book. Any woman who's, I don't mean crossing boundaries, but anyone that's not rigid in their sexuality to me, that's just me speaking, is a fun woman to be with. And I hope you feel the same about a guy. All right. I wanna thank Georgia for the super sticker. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. All right, Georgia, thank you. All right. Tiger talks this, so if my man can't handle a text from me, that he's too much of a pussy for me. You know what? That, first off, I don't like that phraseology. If he can't handle a text from me. That's like that Marilyn Monroe. If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. Look it. I don't like, look it. I understand how you feel, but handling a text is, it's not about handling a text. You might under, you need to recognize that a very loving text might feel like emotional weight to another human being. It might feel like weight that they have to respond. So rather than judging their behavior, just send love because you wanna send love. But if you're saying, well, he can't handle my love, that's, I don't find that very attractive because some people are incapable of it, doesn't make them bad people because it's like telling a cancer victim, well, you're not healthy, what's wrong with you? And I know you would never do that to a cancer person. So someone who's not capable doesn't make them a bad person, it just means that they're not capable. And rather than judging human beings, I wanna invite people to be more loving on human beings. So this is one of the reasons why I recommend everybody reading the book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. There's a link below to all my Jonathan recommends books, Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Hey, folks, oh, Melissa, thank you so much for the super sticker, I really appreciate that. All right, we're gonna wrap up in a second with the following. I'm gonna allow you to ask any question of me for my birthday right now, I'm gonna look at the questions, I'm gonna take any personal questions, I'm gonna spend a few minutes answering that if you have a personal question of me and then we're gonna be wrapping up for the day because I'm going out to dinner, it's Friday night with my friends. So if you have a personal question, post it, I'm gonna do my best to answer honestly, so long as you haven't crossed a boundary. Okay, let's see if there's any questions. Oh, thanks Unconventional Lady for the birthday kiss on the cheek, I really appreciate that for those on Instagram, thanks so much. Oh my gosh, we have a lot of activity here. All right, Diana says, happy birthday Lito, where is your moon? And crying minds wanna know. So I've got five houses in Leo, five houses in Leo and I believe my moon is in Leo. I am, look at the world revolves around me. Look it, I recognize that I have a little bit of narcissistic, arrogant tendencies that I blame on being a Leo. I'm very aware of that aspect of my personality. It's probably because I didn't get a lot of attention as a child and I wanted to be seen, heard and understood. So I try a little bit harder, but I'd like to think I have a good balance, but yes, I occasionally do. So I am a big time, I'm Leo across the board. Debbie says, do you think you'll ever remarry? I hope so, I would love to get remarried. Thank you so much. Someone says, oh my God, five planets in Leo, you're fucked. No, I'm just kidding, you didn't say that, but thank you so much. I was gonna ask his moon sign too, ha ha, what's your rising sign? I think, again, rising in moon is in Leo, I believe. Why did you get a divorce? Because I was emotionally, my question, why did I get a divorce? Because I was emotionally immature and wasn't a good partner to my wife. I really had no clue as to who I was and I wasn't a good partner. By the way, did you notice I didn't throw her under the bus? I could give you 10 reasons why she was a pain in the ass partner, but I'm not gonna go there because we equally were at fault in our relationship, even though she sees it 100% my fault, I see it as we were equally to blame for the demise of our marriage. And that's the way I'm gonna answer that question. Sherry says, I appreciate you, thank you. Question, this will be the last one of the day. What is the sexiest thing a woman's ever said to you? Wow, that's big. By the way, I did get that, but wow, that's big. Sexiest thing I've ever had a woman say to me, the sexiest thing I've had a woman say to me. God, there's been so many sexy things. I think the sex, I'm gonna tell you the one that, okay, this one stands out in my mind and we're gonna wrap up with this. So a couple of years back, I went out with a woman who on our first date, we went to a dive bar. We went to a dive bar. It was like a great dive bar with great music. And I remember buying our first round of drinks and it was time to buy our second round. And it was about to give my credit card to the bartender. And she said, I've got it. I said, no, no, I got it. Being the gentleman, I've got it. And she goes, no, I've got it. I go, no, I got it. And we got into a little pissing match and she put her hand on my arm. She put her hand on my arm. She said, Jonathan, I really appreciate it. You treated for the last round. Would you allow me to demonstrate my appreciation by treating you this round? Because I think you're a great guy. That's stuck in my mind to this day. And actually, that action of hers made me see her as partnership material. Sadly, we dated for three months. We weren't a good fit for long-term. We both recognized that and we had a conscious uncoupling. And if you're not familiar with the work of conscious uncoupling, my friend, Catherine Woodward Thomas, wrote the book called, Conscious Uncoupling. We had a very, well, I'd like to think we had a conscious uncoupling. But what she said, Jonathan, I really appreciate it, you treated for that round. Will you allow me to show my appreciation by treating for you because I think you're worth it? I can't think of the one of the sexiest things another woman has said to me to basically say, you're worth it. I'm willing to put my money in my money where my mouth is to say you're worth it. That to me is sexy. Anyway, all right, all right. Linda says it's the little things, isn't it? Exactly, beautiful. All right, well, folks, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. I wanna thank you all for allowing me to enter in your lives for a little bit right now. I hope you found value in this work. If you have purchased a Super Sticker Super Chat before I wrap up today, if I bring value to you, please share this video with friends. This is important content, I believe, that needs to be put out there. So I invite you to share this with friends. And if you think it's not your cup of tea, then I invite you to move on. But I hope this had value for you. Everyone, I wanna thank you so much for being on today. I wanna wish you a fabulous weekend. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye-bye now. Bye everyone, thank you for the birthday wishes from Julie, from Maja, Nora, Samantha, thank you. Rhonda, Colleen, thank you so much. Everybody thank you so much, big hugs, bye now.