 Have you ever noticed how there are some people in your life that when they walk in the room all heads turn to be on them and it's not just because they're sexy or something like that or because they're famous but it's because they have some kind of charisma that makes people drawn to them. It makes people attracted to them. Now when I was much younger, nicknamed Invisible Boy by a girl I was into who didn't realize we'd gone to school together for 18 years, I had always wondered what this kind of special thing was and in reality what this is is called presence or charisma. Now in this video I want to share what I've noticed about the people that have charisma versus those that do not. What's up guys? Alex Hine, author of the book Master of the Day. Now I've actually included the first link in the description is a goal setting cheat sheet. Now that comes from me wanting to improve all the aspects of my life just like becoming more charismatic and more confident. So if you want, the first link in the description there will not only help you figure out how to set goals to improve all aspects of your life but also how to become more charismatic or more charming at the same time so you can check that out right there in the description. So the first thing that I noticed was that people that are really charismatic or very charming and have that kind of stage presence, they really don't care what you think about them. And really at a fundamental level they do not give a shit what me a random stranger thinks about them when they walk in the room. When I was in my early twenties and my late teens, very quiet, not very outgoing and not very friendly, I was really reluctant to try to force myself to do something that would make me seem more confident or more charismatic but at the same time I always wanted to fit in because I didn't have a lot of friends. In my late teens I never had a serious girlfriend and you know in general there were things that I kept doing because I wanted to fit in. I would try to be funnier, I would try to one-up people, I would try to have the coolest stories and now like reflecting back on that, when I'm around someone that constantly tries to validate themselves and seem important and draw attention, it is the most annoying thing imaginable because just like that rubber band theory, the more someone comes in and tries to push in on you like, give me love, give me love, the more you just want to stay far away. And I noticed that a lot of charismatic people, they really are just purely themselves. They really walk in the room and they're like, this is me, take it or leave it, I don't really care. And that's ironically that I'm good, I'm secure is what draws people to you and what makes you this kind of irresistible, mysterious kind of personality that people want to learn more about. But obviously you can't just like be yourself if you don't feel comfortable being yourself or if you have weird hobbies and to you they are kind of weird or you don't feel like there's anything that interesting about you so like why would people be interested? But fundamentally the big picture is when you are so yourself and so real with yourself and just so real that you don't care if you fit in, that is such an attractive treat not only for being a friend but also for dating. The second thing I've noticed is that the most charismatic people I know are genuinely interested in other people. You know, I was once at this party at my aunt's house and she invited me because there was someone she wanted me to meet but I ended up hanging out with these people in their 50s and 60s and I found that I didn't have that much in common. So I was worried because there was nothing really to talk about until I bumped in this woman who was Filipino and at the time I'd been dating a Filipino girl for five years. After that I just started asking her all these questions about like I made Filipino jokes and asked her about these places she had been and where she was from and learned that she was an artist and I'd been creating all these kinds of crafts and at the end of the night I didn't think much about it and I didn't even end up talking that much myself. I was just asking her about things because I wasn't really sure what we had in common. And then about a day or two in by and my aunt had actually texted me or called me or something and she was like, she absolutely loved you. She said you were the most interesting person at the party and I was like what? Literally the only thing she probably knew about me was my name and that I had a Filipino girlfriend but how did she find me so interesting because ironically I spent all night interested in her and what she was saying and her goals and her interests. So there's something that happens when you embody the first principle of Dale Carnegie, how to win friends and influence people. It's be genuinely interested in other people and ask about them because when you think that we live in a world where people, even good people are genuinely only concerned with themselves and everyone wants self-esteem and validation and ego but being into someone else gives them that core need that they want which is them feeling significant. The third thing is to come up with belief structures that make you feel good about yourself. Now the reason I say this is because anyone of course can be confident. Anyone can not feel like they need validation from the world if they get that self-worth from themselves. But what happens if we don't have this? What happens if you don't feel like you're that cool or that interesting or that fit or that worthy or that attractive or that? Why would someone talk to you? That might be the thought that you have. For me what I did at the start was besides the obvious tactical stuff that I talk about here which is dedicating yourself to personal growth and personal development until you become the kind of person that you respect the most besides that come up with beliefs that help you thrive and feel confident. So you may say things like because I'm fat, skinny, look this way, look that way, people will not find me interesting, funny, attractive, worth talking to. But you could say you know what there are all of these things that I want to work on but I think this is one trait about me that I'm really good at. I'm really insightful or I really know a lot about literature. Try to find a belief structure that's not like what do I have to offer but instead I'm sure I can find something that we can both bond on and are valuable. Because there are people that may be like let's say you go to a party and you literally meet Jeff Bezos and he's a billionaire or trillionaire now. And you're like what on earth can I offer Jeff Bezos? I have nothing to give. But chances are there is a piece of his life that he's not doing 10 out of 10 at that you can offer something even if it's just insight. Now you may be maybe not that fit and you're going to a party full of fitness people or an event and you're like I'm going to be judged the crap out of at this event. But maybe those people aren't too successful financially and you are. Or maybe you have some insights about relationships that could help them. Or you have some insights about reading or self growth that could help them. There's always something you may have as a superpower or a special insight that other even really successful people are fulfilled or happy whatever that they don't have. So try to find that silver lining because there's always something valuable you can offer. So I hope that helps guys and of course for me the starting point of getting self esteem and self worth and becoming more of that interesting charming happy person was goal setting and journaling. So the first link in the description I've included a one page how to plan out your best year of your life worksheet. Right there the first link in the description you can check that out. And again you can check out my last two videos right there and right there.