 Okay, that's great guys. I'm boring. I don't have these experiences like you. I haven't been to Vegas, I haven't learned guitar, I haven't done any of this stuff. I'm a boring person. I go to work, I go home, I have some friends, we don't leave town, we don't have much going on. That's just false. That is a limiting belief. All right, we're into a new month and that means a new theme. November's just started and for many of us that means winter is coming. Of course, what a time to sit around the fireplace and tell stories. We know around the holidays, family members get together. And of course, you're going to be hearing stories from your uncles, your grandparents, your parents. And this month, we want to cover just that storytelling. We're going to take a deep dive into the art of storytelling, which is a topic that we love here at The Art of Charm. Yeah, it's importance cannot be undermined. I mean, think about one of the things that we talk about that is crucial to everything socialization, which is cells. Cells is an underpinning of everything. You're selling yourself to romantic partners, you're selling yourself to employees, you're selling your ideas to friends. Cells is to human nature as eating, sleeping, and everything else that goes with it. However, there is a peace to cells that is crucial and it is very important. And that is the stories that you're able to tell. How else are you going to get buy in without being a good storyteller? So as much as cells is so important to everything that we do and why we bring a lot of this, our topics back to cells to equate it to how you're going to use it in everyday life, these little kernels that we're pulling out make you a better salesman and storytelling is one of those tools. And if you think about every great novel, arguably the most important books in human history are full of stories. Modern religions are based on stories. We don't look at the Bible, the Torah, the Quran as an instruction manual on how to live your life. Of course, there are valuable lessons, but they are all woven into stories. I'm so glad you brought that up because it was one of the things that I wanted to touch upon in doing research. Now, obviously, we have some great guests coming up in storytelling this month and I'm really excited for them to drop some of their knowledge on it. But when we're talking about the history of human development, at some point, you had to get humans to connect and fight for the same cause in order to defeat any other predators and or tribes that are competing for same resources. The only way you're going to be able to do that is through storytelling. And this is where myth and legend and religion starts to begin to form and civilizations start to have some cohesion so that they're not just little tribes anymore. Because to remain a little tribe, if a couple other little tribes manage to get it together through some good storytelling of why you're the bad guy, it's over. And what I love about storytelling is that it actually gives us an opportunity to connect with one another. And it's a tool that we talk about on Saturdays in our week-long boot camp. We work with our corporate clients on exactly that, the art of storytelling. And there's some nuance we're going to dig into here. But if you think about it, we are amazing at consuming stories. We were laughing with Michael about this in the prep for this episode. Binging, Netflix, HBO, we get consumed by stories. And with that, we oftentimes outsource storytelling to others. But we have to go back to the basics, which is storytelling is how we build relationships with one another. Whether it's a date, whether it's in business, whether it's with your friends, you're going to illustrate who you are, your beliefs, your values through your ability to share stories. And when it comes to storytelling, yes, it can take some practice. And there are some certain parts to the story that we need to focus on. And I know a lot of us, when we think of stories, we focus on potentially the wrong things, the details and less of the emotion. And we're going to dig into that today. In today's toolbox, we're going to talk about why stories are so powerful in conveying information and connecting us and how to structure a story so that you're captivating the listener and they remember you. And it's so funny because I've now been in multiple situations. I love sharing stories. As you know, Johnny, I share stories in class. I share stories with friends. You know what I'm meaning? Amy's friends. And I enjoy those moments where the audience is fully engaged. And of course, they walk away remembering you when you can tell a great story. You know, and this is something interesting of the company's history because I had the opportunity of watching you get to be a great storyteller through you being in front of the room and facilitating class and lectures. And I had already had my time on stage and having those moments of having an audience captivated and moving emotionally with you. Now, for me, it was done through music, but it was it's those same principles that you're going to use in songwriting and composing that you're going to use in a story. So I was able to transition that quickly into the work that we were doing at The Art of Charm. And it was almost seemed a bit natural. I mean, I certainly had gotten better at it, but I was sort of used to that idea. And what was fun for me was watching you nail it and get that feeling of having that audience captivated and in the palm of your hand where you're now in control emotionally of the room and watching you come home glowing when those moments had hit and only for you to get better and better at them, knowing and now you know from going into whether it's a talk, whether it's class, whether it's in the front of a company, whether it's wherever we might be, what needs to happen for you to transcend just being a person in front of the room where you're now this story you're now in charge and creating the emotion that's in the room. And some of my fondest memories from childhood, you know, we had a lake house that my great uncle owned. We pile in the minivan, we drive up north in Michigan to the lake house and we would spend every evening next to the fire and my family members, the elders would share stories. And I remember growing up, I would some of those stories, I'd be like, tell it again, I want to hear it again. And when you can tell an amazing story that people want to keep hearing over and over again, I looked up to my family members for that and I modeled a lot of it after it. But exactly that, you know, coming from a science background, most of my presenting, you can't really bring in your personal stories. You got to show the data, you got to win them over with your hypothesis, a little bit different than sharing personal stories. So I was happy to grow into that role. And of course, the power of storytelling, we know it entertains, we know it engages, but why is it so powerful? Can I add something to this as well? It's also engaging, it's also connecting, but it's also motivation. And I want to talk about, in research for this, one of the greatest coaches in all of sports, Phil Jackson had had sprung up because he understood the importance of good storytelling. I want to lay this out. Now, I don't know how true this is, but I had read this in several places. So at least for me, I grew up in Pittsburgh and you know that. So I've never been a big basketball guy. However, in the 90s, there was something going on with the bulls that even somebody who grew up in a non-basketball tradition had to watch because you knew that you were watching something different, that something special, something that transcended all of sports. And yes, there was a lot of individuals on that team who did their job well, but in order to overcome some of these other great teams that they faced Sean Kemp and Carl Malone and all those guys, you needed to have some cohesion. Now, Phil Jackson, arguably, was the greatest at motivating these guys through stories. And when he saw his team maybe bickering or, you know, because from practices and being at each other and being so competitive, you're going to start getting agitated at people very easily. And if he felt that the cohesion of the team was sort of falling apart, he would have them watch a movie like Stand By Me or The Bad News Bears. Now these movies were about misfit kids who found commonalities amongst each other to overcome certain hurdles. And the emotions that would be stirred up would gel the team and they would go out and kick some ass. And if he felt the team was getting a bit stiff and in order to loosen them up, they would have them watch some Alan Sandler movie or something that they would all be laughing and it would calm down the emotion in that room. Now, think about that for a moment. Think about using stories to motivate and bring together. You're dealing with, arguably, some of the most individual characters in all of basketball. I mean, he was dealing with Dennis Robin. We all know what he's got. We got Jordan, who's arguably one of the most competitive people on the entire planet. I think Kobe would argue with you there. Certainly. Well, we didn't get to share some of that with him. You had Scottie Pippen who, you know, to me to the outside was maybe like the introvert, but highly competitive as well. And Steve Carlin, there were so many personalities and egos on that team, but Phil seemed to have everybody in the palm of his hand. When it came down to overcoming some of the greatest teams, he was able through stories to motivate and bring them together. So I mean, what does that say about what we're talking about today? Well, every single time we get in front of the room, not only are we trying to share some skills and some lessons, but we are trying to motivate all of our clients to put it in action. And I think a lot of times when we think of stories, you know, we think to a degree of braggadocious, you know, sharing all these amazing things about you. But as we dig into this a little bit more, there's some nuance here. And we're going to want to talk a little bit more about the struggle. But we pulled up a study and I love this study. Recent one we found done by anthropologist Daniel Smith and his team of researchers and it's titled The Cooperation and the Evolution of the Hunter-Gatherer Storytelling. It was published in Nature Communications in 2017. Now they looked at the impact of storytelling on various hunter-gatherer societies and concluded that storytelling is a powerful way to foster social cooperation and teaching social norms. So exactly what you're talking about, motivation, cooperating, working together and to convey social norms that get passed on through generations so that everyone can fit into the community. And it's also a value to the individual storytellers, which is why we love storytelling because it not only improves your chances of being chosen as a social partner, it also gains more support from the community and even more, having healthier offspring. Think about that for a second. The impact of storytelling goes far more than just bragging a little bit about yourself or getting people to laugh. It adds to the community and it also adds to yourself, which is why now, and I know, Johnny, you you've witnessed these moments where we're sharing stories we're in Vienna for the mastermind with our alumni and we're sharing a story at the table and the tables next to us are turning and watching to hear the story. And when you can engage complete strangers in your life and your story, imagine how motivating that is. Now, in this day and age, as we said, we're outsourcing storytelling more and more. We're taking our dates to movies. They're buying a book to go on vacation. They're opening up your iPad to hop on Netflix. And with that, we're losing this valuable skill. We don't have enough opportunity to practice. Now, what if you were able to share your own stories instead of just watching what someone else created? And I think this is really important. And you mentioned about outsourcing these stories, right? Outsourcing so you both can just relax and watch the movie and go on this emotional roller coaster. But obviously, the best relationships, at least from my experience that I have had was when my partner wanted to know more about me and wanted to hear the stories that brought me into the position that I'm in. Yeah, let's picture a date scenario. What is more fun? Sitting next to someone chomping on popcorn, staring at a massive screen, IMAX, or actually getting to know one another through the stories of their past, their values, their goals, what motivates them? You know, the other thing that goes along with this, and I've, we've stated this on this show a million times that if you're new to dating and just getting out there, outsourcing the stories and the communication and all that is probably not the best thing to do. Because what are you going to do afterwards? You still have to be, you have to be in a position to feel good about making your move and advancing things. And you can't just depend on the movie to do all that. However, as the more you get, you build up these tools and you get skilled in dating, you can then begin to do that. But your relationship and the connection and the emotions of getting tied into you are going to be created by the stories that, A, you're able to tell in that, and the stories that you're creating together in the moment. Now, let's break down a framework for storytelling. And this is Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey. Yes. And this is a structure of a story in broad terms. And this is something that we go deep into on Saturday afternoon in boot camp, building your narrative and getting comfortable sharing your narrative. And when we're talking about stories that have been told for thousands of years, well, it might be a good idea to think about the framework behind those stories, because if these stories can be passed down from generation to generation, different cultures, different continents resonate with these stories, well, the formula behind it is probably pretty valuable in your ability to tell stories. Without a doubt. And what's great about Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey is you will recognize this framework because movies, books, TV shows, the Bible, as we say. All of your favorite stories usually have some version of this going on. Absolutely. So let's set it up, Johnny. There's basically three important steps in this story that we got to pay attention to. And I know you love teaching this. So let's break them down. Yes. Well, number one, there is a call to adventure. They call it the departure or the call to action. Now that call to action usually springs from a need or a want. And it's you leaving what you call home. And you can call home many different things. You can call your comfort zone home. You know, we talk about the guys coming through program. You're basically on your hero's journey coming through our week long, because you've left everything that is familiar and comfortable to you and you're going out into a while to gain something. And so that is the very first part. The want, the need, or the call to action, whether or not somebody has forced you into that position. I think like Star Wars, right? He comes home and his family has been killed or whatnot. Luke Skywalker. Or you yourself are calling yourself out because if you had everything you wanted, well, there wouldn't be this call to action. So there is something that you were looking for. And that has you leaving home. And I remember this growing up Sunday school sitting in mass on Sundays, the prodigal son. Yes. One of the most classic parables. And this example runs throughout all major religions where there's this call to adventure. I need to leave home and find myself. I have to discover something about myself. I will also say this story is also in a lot of song as well, especially in the blues tradition of the boy leaving the hometown on a train, going out to make something of a self and coming back and buying this town. It's so much it's in country. It's in blues. It's in rock and roll. It's an Academy award winning movies everywhere. And that's the thing when you start to notice this pattern, you realize the stories that you hold near and dear follow this exact framework. Now let's talk about the second phase. All right. So this is called the initiation. And this is where the trials learning and the victory happens. This is going out. And this is, you know, Jordan Peterson explains this as going into chaos because you've now left your comfort zone. And what happens in this moment is that everything is foreign to you. So because it's foreign to you, there is a, there is an anxiety and nervousness. There's an over stimulation, right? You're now taking in new things from the environment that you may have never encountered before. You're in a new location. You just said it best. There is overly, overly stimulated. There's stimulus everywhere. And you are trying to compute it all and make sense of it because it's foreign to you. You've never seen it before. So this puts you in a fight or flight mode. We all know what our emotional response is to a fight or flight. And this is, I was laughing about this because I looked at this very thing of recently, after we went to Vienna, I had went over to Budapest for a few days, well, for a week, see some friends and I really enjoy the country. And the first day that I was there, when I first woke up that morning and walked outside, now comparatively to sleepy, conservative Vienna, Budapest was full on. And certainly from the moment I walked out of my hotel room. And what was funny is because I, we talk about these things all the time. And so they're so in on my mind when it's happening. So I'm having an emotional response to pure chaos. It's people and I'm right in the city and it's crazy. And my, my emotional were the thing. The first thing I wanted to do was maybe I should go back in and lay down. It's like, Oh no, I had this whole week. I'm going to go explore. And I went out and what was funny about this was all the stimuli has hit me and I was so overwhelmed and it, it felt comparatively from Vienna, like just a cold glass of water thrown in my face, wake up, you're in the New York of, of Eastern Europe now. And it's full on. It wasn't until a few days later, and this is the, where the learning process comes in where I went for a 10 mile jog through the city and around the Danube and on the island of the Danube and back home. It was at that point where I had mapped out internally where I was and basically mapping out the chaos. And so now I had because of that run, there was a calmness that had come over me that I now own this area, right? I had made it mine. And now it wasn't until up until a point that I could chill out, but it was now at that point. I remember coming home and I had a cup of coffee and I was like, I love Budapest. I am ready to go see it now because I had now put together some of the stimuli that was so overwhelming at first. And this is the learning aspect. And then perhaps the victory of whatever that may be, finding whatever it is that you need, gaining the new skill, gaining the new skill. And that's the most important because people need to understand in the hero's journey that every time you leave and you make sense out of chaos, you now come back with something that you previously didn't have. Yeah, that knowledge, that education is a big part of it. And this is classically where all those trials happen, right? There's going to be some struggle here. There's going to be some figuring out. And then ultimately, we want to get to the payoff. Now, that is the initiation phase that the third and final phase and my favorite phase is the return. This is coming back to where the story begins. But you've changed. Yes. You're a better person. You got outside of your comfort zone. You gain that skill. You gain that knowledge. You gain that valuable experience. And when we talk to potential clients about taking the program and bootcamp, of course, their first questions are, well, what is it like? What's going on? And that's why this story is so meaningful because it's about the return. It's about coming back from that experience change, having a different viewpoint, a new framework to look at conversation connection. And this is what's great. And for all of our clients who have been through the program, they understand these three parts. They left home, they threw themselves into utter chaos and the program is utter chaos. However, because it's a week long, there's a reason for that because we want the concepts and these ideas to settle in so that when you leave, you feel like a new person. When you leave, you understand how to use the tools so that when you go home, you're a better person. Any new environment is going to feel chaotic. It's going to feel new. It's going to feel different. Before we break this down further and to make it actual for your next date or your next business meeting or mentoring, we should first talk about what the intention is here. The intention in this Toolbox episode is this is not about your entire life's journey. We're not talking about writing in autobiography or, well, you could use that here if you'd like, but more importantly, we want to put the spotlight on a few things. For example, if you're asked to share a little bit about yourself, whether it's on a date or a social gathering, you're going to want to follow this framework or someone at work asks you how your vacation went. Well, you could say, oh, you know, I went to post-itano and I had some food and it was great. Well, that's not going to be memorable. That's not going to stand out. That's certainly not going to get the rest of the coworkers are gathering around to hear this story and or it could even be the idea of how you started that business, why you changed your career, why you decided to go in this direction. These are all story driven moments and your ability to share a great story allows you to stand out from the crowd. I just want to make a separation here or a distinction because a lot of times when people hear, well, here's an opportunity for you to tell a story, they immediately start to think of this long piece that and and it doesn't have to be that. This is not a three hour Quentin Tarantino movie. One of my favorite things was when people were like, oh, how did you learn that or or how did you know to do that? I will give a little story that goes, oh, well, let me tell you how I learned that. And all of a sudden it's in everyone's engaged. And it's not a 15 minutes, not a 10 minutes. It may be a minute and a half, but they've learned something about me that now that it is going to stick in their mind. And for myself, and we're going to talk about this later episodes, when you are able to look at these high impact moments in your life and jot them down into a story, not only does your life become more clear in that and how you went about this and how you learn these things and who you are as a person. Well, now you're able to quickly recall them and use them, which is going to make you an incredibly magnetic and memorable person. And I still remember this moment. I was hanging out with my fiancee's Amys friends. I hadn't really spent much time with them. They had seen me in some workout classes and such. And we were finally hanging out together with a bunch of other couples in the group. And of course, when you get couples together, everyone starts asking, how'd you guys meet? Right? It's a very normal question. And of course, Johnny's smiling because Amy and I met in Las Vegas. And I've been sharing this story in boot camp over the years. So of course, you know, the introverted me is like, okay, I'll tell the story. And Amy immediately knows that I enjoy telling this story. So she just points to me and says, okay, AJ, you have at it. And I shared the story. I'm not going to go into detail here, but I shared the story with the group. And this is after a couple other couples had shared their story of meeting each other. And the entire group was just absolutely fascinated. We went out to a house party that night and the whole time they're talking about this, that, and they just held on to that story and even said, you're an amazing storyteller. And that is the power of developing out this skill. I can't stress it enough. Even if you are introverted, even if you have a little anxiety, this is a framework that is time tested. This is proven. You follow this and you will be memorable. You will be charismatic. I can't think of any aspect in life that doesn't involve storytelling. I mean, think about it. We already talked about cells, we already talked about motivation, we already talked about coaching. Think about politics. Who's got the better narrative? Think about the legal profession. It's two lawyers with 12 witnesses trying to come up. Tell a better story. Tell a better story. Think about raising money for charity. You're going to have to go in there and pull out a tearjerker in order to get money for your causes. So, you know, it is, as I said, cells is a definite part of everyone's lives. Whether you know it or not, whether you know it or not, and the key ingredient to being a good salesperson is being a good storyteller. Give me 10 seconds here. If you've been enjoying the show and getting a ton of value from our podcast, the next step for you might be coming out to LA for an immersive in-person boot camp. Imagine diving deeper and getting the tools to become a top performer at work, build fulfilling relationships, and grow your social capital. If you're ready to take the next step, I'd love to chat with you. You can head on over to apply today at thearticharm.com slash boot camp. Now, when we talk about storytelling in this framework that is time-tested, we like to break it into eight components. So, stick with us here, and this is going to be your framework for telling any story from now on. Number one, we always have a starting point. This is where you have to fill in a bit of the background. This is the departure we were talking about earlier. Understanding where you left, where you came from, a little bit of the backstory about who you are is an important first step to every compelling story. Well, it lays out the trials and tribulations that are about to come because it sets up who you were before you left. There's going to be a change, and we want to know why there was a change and who you were. Now, of course, whether we're talking to people we're close with or complete strangers, you still want the home base. Don't think, oh, my friends already know this. My family already knows this. This is still an important jumping off point for every story you tell. It could be simple, too. You can go on and give how you grew up and where you went to school and all these things, or you could easily say, oh, I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest, Rust Belt. Anyone who's been through there, boom, I know what that is. Yeah, it's just giving that point of departure. Yes. Now, step two is you realize, and it could be an external event, as Johnny was saying, or an internal struggle. You realize that you have a want or a need, and you have to articulate that. That is very important to setting up the story. It allows people to know why you would want to go through this and why you would throw yourself into chaos. And understanding that that context starts to pull the listener into your story. Number three is the decision. And of course, this is going to be a little emotional. So we're going to want to paint the emotions of working through this, planning the trip, figuring out what destination, what skill you need or want. You want to spend a little time here, and that's step number three. Now, step number four is the search. Right? It's actually departing and saying, okay, I need this thing. I want this thing. Here's how I'm going to get after it and find it. And sometimes the search is simple. Sometimes the search is a trip around the world to figure it out. But we're going to want to paint the picture of the search itself. Now, before we move into five and six, I want to say that that once you have this structure, then you're able to mix and match because five and six could either go either way. But I want to make sure that you understand what those two pieces are. Yeah. So this those first four steps that we talked about, paint the scene for the listener. Yes. Right. And when we talk about painting the scene, we want to speak about the emotions as well. And this is something for our logical, analytical listeners. I know who you are. It's not about, oh, Detroit, Michigan, University of Michigan. Okay, I get, no, it's about painting the emotion, understanding that this decision and this starting point has some emotion behind it. You wouldn't just leave because well, why not? Right? There's a decision being made, whether it's out of boredom, whether it's out of some feedback you got at work. And we're going to want to paint the emotion, paint the turmoil here that led to the departure. And when I talk about painting the emotion, this is something that I really key in on in all of my stories. Every emotion that you think of in your mind, there is a visceral physical response in your body that is tied to that emotion. Yes. Whether it's laughing, crying, smiling with your full teeth showing eyes, wrinkles forming next to your eyes, whether it's clenching your fists and fear, whether it's that drop of sweat as you get on stage to speak, you want to make the emotions as visceral as possible for the audience. And I love talking about the physicality of emotions to really emote with my audience, to get them feeling like they were there with me, like they understand how I was feeling. And these are small details that pay off big time because the more your audience is feeling the emotions, right? You go to the IMAX, what do they do? They shake the chair. Oh, yeah. You hear the Tyrannosaurus Rex marching towards you. You understand that the feeling that goes along with the emotions, the physicality of the emotions is really important when painting them. Now, let's talk about five, six, and how interchangeable they are. Yes. Either you find it or you talk about the challenges or obstacles in the way. Right? And sometimes finding it is simple. Finding that bliss is simple. Finding the solution is simple. Sometimes there's some struggle there. There's some conflict. There's some obstacles you have to overcome. But we're going to want to paint that as well as part of our story. Seven. And this is also key. A lot of times we get so hung up on, okay, well, now I hear what you're saying. We have to be victorious in all of our stories. We have to have found it in all of our stories. There has to be this big payoff in all of our stories. And that's just not true. But it is important to articulate either you found it or you're still searching for it. Well, you know, there's a lot of people and you all know who you are. And I thank you because I love chatting with you. I always get a quick message on Insta from several people when a new episode comes out. And it always makes me feel good because a lot of times we do this so often that I forget that there is a few hundred thousand of you out there who's going to check this out. So, hey, write us it. Let's just feel good. But anyway, there's a couple of people who always write me. And they always hone in on the stories of, I call them stories of woe, right? When things didn't work out. They're always the one, they always pull those out because they, at least for them, you know, they see us as very successful. We have the show. We've been doing this for so long. And certainly, we're going to paint a very rosy picture of what it is like to be where we are and it is. However, they always, they love the fact that we're never too afraid to tell those stories of woe and how much it means to them. And they're like, I think one of the reasons why they text me all the time is because we are so human and we show that over and over again on the show. And I hope I got, you know, I can't confirm that anymore that we are such a, so human, so human that I refuse. It's hard for me to read comments on Insta or YouTube or because we're human beings. We hurt just as well as anybody does. We're trying to get better at everything we do. I think that's a big, and that's the thing. Whether you get it or you don't get it, whether you find what you're searching for or you don't, there's a lesson along the way. And that's the eighth and final point. You want to articulate either how you've changed or the lesson that was gained. Even if the lesson is, you know what? I thought music would be my jam. I can't play guitar. I took lessons. It's not for me anymore. Even if you didn't become this amazing guitar player like Johnny, the journey was the same. You figured out you wanted to stretch yourself creatively. You wanted to find a new outlet. You tried guitar. You didn't really like it. That's still an example of a great story. I want to stress there as well. You had learned something about yourself that was invaluable to who you are before that. You are better because you had now learned that it wasn't for you. You can move on before that. Before that, it was up in the air. You didn't know. And I will tell you, when it comes to moving forward, there's two questions, two answers that you want, a yes or a no. You cannot move until you get one of those answers. And maybe or I don't know, or that doesn't help you. The only thing that helps you is yes or no. And I know is, and this is what is very important and no is just as good as a yes because it frees you up. It frees up your most valuable asset, which is time. I think a lot of us sometimes confuse money for that, but time is the most valuable resource. Now, to recap, for those of you who are taking notes, and I know you write in as well about all the notes and share sometimes the notes you've taken on the show, number one, step one, starting point, home base. Step two, you realize that there's a want or a need. Step three, the decision to go after it. Pursue it. Step four, the search for it. What is that like? Step five is finding it. How'd you get to that destination? How'd you find it? Step six, so five and six are interchangeable. Sometimes you're going to find it immediately. Sometimes there's going to be challenges or obstacles in the way. We want to articulate those. Seven, you don't get it or you get it, right? The payoff. Let the audience know what the conclusion was there. And number eight, and this is important. How has that changed you? Whether it's the lesson, the experience, the knowledge you've gained, the immersion in the culture, what you've picked up on, how has it changed you? And that's the payoff to our story. And we turn this into an exercise where everyone gets up and then shares a story with this framework. We're going to talk about some common pitfalls after the break, but I want to point this out. These tips alone will put you so far ahead of the crowd when it comes to storytelling, where you're just not sharing details with no purpose, no understanding. The audience is not affected or impacted anyway. These eight steps, when you weave these into every story, you will stand out. I also want to say, I mean, it's so powerful that we see it over and over again by the end of the week when everyone learns this framework and they're able to put some stories together. We have people get emotionally tore up. Why? Because the power of storytelling. And listen, if you're listening to this, you're like, okay, that's great guys. I'm boring. I don't have these experiences like you. I haven't been to Vegas. I haven't learned guitar. I haven't done any of this stuff. I'm a boring person. I go to work. I go home. I have some friends. We don't leave town. We don't have much going on. That's just false. Yes. That is a limiting belief. Now, of course, listening to this, you're like, holy cow, those eight points, this is going to be a two hour long story. AJ, how am I supposed to get in front of the room in 10 minutes and present this? How can I condense all of those eight steps into an actual story? And this is what we call the crash opening. This is literally just the first 30 seconds setting it up with that home base. It's a bit like going to the cinema and the whole movie starts with five minutes of opening credits. People are just like, what is going on? I'm not interested. And this is something that the film industry loves. It's called the crash opening. And you can remember how movies that gripped you immediately started with either a car crash or a firefight. And only after it's over then is there the introduction of the characters and who's actually in the movie. And when we can do this creates a story that immediately hooks the audience, immediately gets them interested. And when we do this, it's not about this imaginary firefight that happened in Posatano. Amy and I were sitting there on the beach sipping our apparel spritzes and out of nowhere, these guys start beating each other. That's not what we're talking about here. But for example, one of the stories can start like, this is how I almost killed the DJ. I know that story. Yeah, I'm sure that story as well. Immediately people are like, well, I got to hear what's going on here. And of course, there's a little bit of almost killing a DJ. I haven't been in charge of the attempted murder. But imagine starting with a hook like that in the power of getting everyone's attention. Well, think about it. So, you know, I think one of the most common things that men deal with in straight relationships is the going to move with your girlfriend, the crash opening and her going, what's going on? And you're like, well, we'll find out. But we know that it's going to be filled in, but also what is that response? That response is her getting hooked, wanting to know, I need more information. What's going on? This is crazy. But that is the beauty and the power of the crash opening. Now let's dig into some storytelling don'ts. These are things that we don't want to focus on when we're sharing stories. And these are three common mistakes that people often make when sharing a story. It's not about the process. It's about the process, not the outcome. Stories are about getting from A to B, but they're not about how amazing B is. It's important for you to paint the journey from A to B, as we talked about, and filling in the emotions, the turmoil, the highs, the lows. If, for example, you're running a successful business, it might be on the top of your mind to talk about how amazing the business is and how many clients you've served and how what your top line revenue is and your income. And you're probably right. That's fantastic. But that is not going to hook your audience. And people don't identify with outcomes. They'll listen and be like, well, that's great for you. But I can't relate to that. I might never get there. That's impossible for me. I can't be that successful. But what do people identify with? They identify with the struggles and the challenges. And I know Johnny and I laugh about this all the time because if you follow influencers, if you follow people on social media, you will learn that people are dyslexic, people were molested, people have all this turmoil because they understand that's how you hook the audience. It's not, look at my fancy car, look at my house in the hills. It is the humble beginnings. Everyone has what they need to overcome. If I was to write out a sheet of all the biggest bonehead mistakes that we've made as a company, I mean, people would be like, who are these jokers? Like, where are they now? And they're like, well, they're actually sitting at the 18th floor doing this podcast over this beautiful Los Angeles. How the hell did they get there from all these mistakes? Wow. Let me tell you. Right. And the mistakes are what hook people, right? It's the process, not the outcome. So if you think that your story is just going to be you bragging about the result, the destination, where you are now, you're going to lose the audience almost immediately. People pay attention and identify with struggles and challenges because we all have them. We all have the desire to learn how to overcome them and we can all relate to the struggle. We can't all relate to the lesson, the success, the outcome. So instead of telling everyone how much profit you're making or how big your office is, remember what it was like to build up to that 18th floor. What was that journey? What were you struggling with? What didn't you know? What were the doubts that we're creeping in? And how you ultimately overcame those is what people are going to be hooked to. Now, suddenly you've captivated that audience, whether it's in the boardroom, it's on the date, or it's just hanging out with some people you're meeting for the first time, friends of friends. That's how people are going to connect to you. And the cool thing about all of this is even if they're not building a business, even if they're not trying to do what you are attempting to do or you've done, they can relate to the struggle. Absolutely. And you know, there are so many inspirational people who that I look up to who don't do anything remotely close to what we do, but I would, but I will remember lessons that they had articulated through story that will cause me to make certain decisions in my own life only because I remembered it through that story. And then after we've really honed in on the struggles, we will get to the payoff and they will care about the hero's journey and how it ends. But if we gloss over the struggles and we just get to the payoff and I'm here now and I'm so successful, look at me, look at all my accomplishments, you're doing a disservice to the audience and your story is just not going to land well. The other mistake that we hear all the time in storytelling and we correct in our boot camps is it's about taking part in the experience, not learning the facts. This is what I was talking about earlier. People tend to only talk about the facts, the details. It was the 18th story. It was in Los Angeles and sure, those are great. Sure. Yeah. But that's not what people resonate with. For example, if Johnny and I were to talk about our Vienna boot camp experience and all we said was, well, the apartment was close to the Sean Bruin Palace. The guys arrived from all over Europe on Monday. The class structure was eight guys, super excited to work with us. And we went out to some bars and clubs and social gatherings during the week. And hey, the Wi-Fi password in the place was I love Vienna. Wow, that's a really interesting story. Look at all those great details that don't matter to me as an audience, right? We want to know what the experience was like, not the facts and the details. So as you start practicing your story, sharing your stories, and I know this is something that we talk about in our boot camp, making eye contact with your audience and checking in to see are their eyes glazing over? Are they resonating with this information? Or am I just blurting out a bunch of facts and stats and details that aren't really moving the needle? Well, you're going to be able to tell if people are engaged. If you're able to look them an eye and see their eyes roll back, right, glaze over or checking their phone, look out the window, the view, you know, we got problems. If they're at the edge of their seat going, yeah, and then what happened? Well, it's on. Now, maybe you would have listened to that story. If you're interested in taking a boot camp, you're like, okay, what are the logistics of this boot camp? But most people are not going to care about the Sean Bruin Palace in Vienna and how we were four blocks away. That's not really an interesting detail. We don't need to focus on that and certainly that should not be the focal point of the story. How about I was to share the experience instead, what we are seeing, hearing, tasting, what we were thinking and feeling. If I told you what it was like to stand in front of the Sean Bruin Palace on a warm summer evening, walking the grounds of history, or if I described the atmosphere and the excitement as we entered that first club and the constant chatter of all the boot camp participants who were talking to people and bringing over people to introduce us. What if we were talking about what we were thinking when we saw our guys take over the entire venue in Vienna with all of their energy, smiling, great body language, or what it was like to drink that first banana beer with Daniel and Michael after they had talked so much about it? Well, it sounds to me like we're getting a little closer to the story that I want to listen to, right? We're still getting all the facts across, but we're now sharing the emotions of the experience with you. You can take part and then those details and facts become more interesting. Then we sink our teeth in. Why? Because I'm giving you all the facts that you already have for yourself, but I'm telling you through the lens of my own experience. That's how we're going to resonate with our audience. The last and dreaded mistake that we're going to cover today. This is our challenge actually this week. It's called the Curse of Knowledge. The Curse of Knowledge goes like this, I know it so everyone else knows it as well. Does that sound like you? It definitely does, and I'll tell you when. For myself, growing up there was a time where of course I've been playing music on all my music friends. I thought we all shared the same experiences and they all were on tour, and so what's so important about what I was doing comparatively to what they were doing? That's one way to look at it, but it's not giving yourself any credit and it's not allowing you to connect with others. This took a while for me to realize that it wasn't about my experiences versus their experiences. It was about my experiences and my emotions to those experiences through my lens, which were then allowed them to go, oh you know when that happened to me it was this way. Right now we have something to talk about. It was never about beating out somebody else's story, and I think this is where we get in trouble as human beings because we we we can tend to look at things as a competition and that's where things break down. It's never about a better story. It's about just relating and emoting and emoting and being able to come to compare and contrast and understand and and share those from different perspectives. Now when we talk about something we know very well we tend to leave out explanations and details that someone without our experience doesn't have. So I know for me having studied biology in the past life, going to graduate school, being surrounded by PhD students, there was a certain air of like oh well everyone knows this stuff about microbiology, everyone knows how cancer develops, everyone knows genetic mutation. That's just not the case. You're walking around with knowledge that a lot of your audience has no clue about. So don't assume that the audience knows and understands, be willing to share. And I may show that I'm not a power Reddit user, but that's one of the famous Reddit boards is explain it to me like I'm five, explain it to me like I'm a kid. It's because people are craving that understanding. They're craving that explanation. And if we're not sharing it, it is the curse of knowledge. And it's not saying hey, dumb it down so that you sound like you're pandering or you're trying to tell someone that they don't know what it's like. But it's being more willing to share the knowledge and experience that you have and understanding especially when you're talking about a specific knowledge. It might be a good idea to ask yourself how likely is it that my audience understands and has the background information. I want to share something. This is something I remembered and it was, I remember a particular person in the early days of AOC who was quite shy, quite introverted and had this idea that well, I don't have any really good stories. And he was also just having trouble through the program connecting with the other guys and enjoying himself and getting what he came to get out of it because he wasn't fully able to commit to it. Now, so it's been a while since they've shared this, but when it came to the storytelling portion of class, he was being hesitant. He didn't want to get up there. And I remember all the other guys in the classroom had give it their all. And so we were really having a great time, laughing and connecting and sharing stories. And of course because this was another exercise that he didn't fully commit and participate in, he was finding himself more isolated by his own doing. Right. And so it was at this point that some of the other guys in the classroom got upset. They're like, look, man, you know, we're all here giving it our all. And you've been half-assing this all week. In fact, it's starting to piss some of us off. This is what's great about the group dynamic because you're not skating through this, right? Everyone else is putting in everything that they got. So you're going to get swept up in it one way or the other. You could do it the easy way or the hard way, as we always say. So it was at that point where he saw everyone was looking at him and he realized that he was backed into a corner. And that the only thing that he was going to have to do then was to share a story. He's like, and he gets mad about it. He's like, fine, fine. You guys want a story? I'll give you guys a story. Oh boy. Yeah. And so now I'm going to floodgates open. Yeah. And so we're all like, oh no, right? This might not be what we want. But anyway, he goes up to share a story. Now, I, this is a world that I'm not familiar in. So I'm going to try to do it justice. But he begins to tell this story about EO as a tournament for gamers. And it was a particularly one game from the nineties that has this cult following Street Fighter. And now I remember that game. I'm not a bunch of, I don't play video games, but certainly in my teenage years, I remember, I remember this and I remember yes. And I remember Street Fighter being big then. So to realize it in the 2000s, it still had, it's still there. In fact, it has these tournaments. Now he begins to tell this story that he's at this tournament and he had grown up in Japan where they would, this game was huge in, in there. And that's where it's following its base was. And he had learned to play competitive Street Fighter in Japan. So now he is at EO. It's in Vegas where the grand championship of Street Fighter. And he begins to play and he just starts kicking ass. And he even explains that it's almost like a rocky-esque picture because there was a lot of the Asian kids are like boo, the white kid. And he was the underdog. And through competition and wamping up on all these kids, he slowly started to build a fan base to the point where he is now fighting for the championship of Street Fighter. And this, this, this clip was even show me on YouTube and it's quite amazing. And all the kids are cheering and it's amazing. And he had gotten this guy down to like sliver of life left. And he is at the point where everyone in the room thinks he has it in the bag. And somehow the kid that he was playing, the champion, was able to whip out one of these incredibly difficult moves that basically destroyed his guy in an instant with him having a sliver of life left. But yet he loses but has gained the respect of this audience for, for his determination and his skill and his perseverance. And he is heralded as, as this hero and this wonderful thing. And we were all at the edge of our seats and we're like, Oh my God, this is insane. And he's looking at us. And you could tell he's like, you guys really like this story. Like this is incredible. He has never told this story. And he thought it was a cult following. People don't care about video games. It won't be interesting. Imagine that walking around thinking, Oh, this is boring. This is humdrum. People won't care. And we could all understand what that was like and, and imagine being in this situation. But what was more was because of how he felt about this story that was so important to him that, but, but was so afraid that if anyone found out that he's going to be a nerd or a loser or a gamer and, you know, now we're dealing with gamers, the world is so popular. Esports and all that. Yeah. Like a gamer. You have a fan base. You have a monetized beauty pie as king gamer, right? But anyway, but back then in early mid 2000s, so he carried this and was so nervous that if he opened up, there was a possibility of this slipping out and him being judged because of this. And because of that, it had kept him from connecting with so many people, including his, his bootcamp mates, his participants who were with them. So when he finally tells this story and everyone's like losing their minds and they, and he for the first time shares this, does not feel judged. All of a sudden through the rest of the program, we can't shut this guy up. He is the center of attention. He's telling stories and we're going out to the clubs and he is being magnetic. He's just rolling up to every girl in the place and hanging out and telling jokes. It was night and day, but because of this, this idea of the curse of knowledge, it not only affected the way he saw himself, it affected the way he, that he was unable to connect with the people in the world around him. So once again, the, the breaking through of, of learning storytelling and the, and the curse of knowledge and to be able to express yourself in a way that, that is positive and draws others in is your ticket to selling yourself. And we're talking about a nineties video game. Yeah. Fairly obscure. Yes. But when you are a great storyteller, you can take the most obscure, the most arguably boring topics and subjects and wow the audience and get them so excited. All right, Johnny, we're pulling this week's challenge straight from bootcamp. I want to share the storytelling challenge we have. Our challenge to you all this week is to give yourself an opportunity to, to put your narrative together by using the eight points that we illustrated in this episode. So take some time and bullet point out. What is your starting point when you realized you had a want and need in life? What was that first time that you left the nest, so to speak, that you had been pushed out or you had went out on your own in order to, to get what you, what you're seeking. Number three, you decided to go after. What was that decision process like? How did you get to the point where like, it's time for me to go out there in the chaos and make something of myself? But what's the search like? Right? Then you found it. And what were those challenges and obstacles that were in your way? Did you get it or didn't you get it? What was that like for you? And because of you receiving it, getting it or not, or not getting it, right? What was, how were you changed? And what was the lesson learned? So when you come home, why, you know, what, how does, does it make you different? What did you learn about yourself that you previously did not know? And then tell that story to someone. And remember, these stories can be the story of your life, of course, is very long, but we have you rip these things apart and go through these processes so that you can find these, these cute little stories that will inevitably come up. I myself have a pages open on my phone where I can write about interesting things that happened to me throughout the day or thoughts that I have just so that when I flesh them out, there's a story that goes around it. These stories sometimes end up on the show. I've been having fun recently doing some one-on-one coaching with our alumni of the bootcamp. And one of the guys I'm working with, he wants to start helping other IT consultants break in in their career. And, you know, when he started his career, he thought it was all about getting really good technical. And he had a lot of anxiety around, Hey, I might not know as much as I need to be an effective consultant. Now he wants to start teaching. And the very first exercise that we did was him sitting down following this framework and writing out his story and experience with making the decision to jump into IT consulting, the struggles that went along with this first year, the challenges he faced, and the lessons learned. And guess what? That story is going to become the basis of what he can teach to help others. So your story, no matter how boring you may think it is or how other people have all experienced it, how it's just so general that everyone goes through this AJA can't possibly be compelling. Following this eight-step process, you will turn that into an incredible story that engages your audience. And before you say, I don't have any of those stories, do the exercise, you will be so surprised. And this is the only way that you're going to be able to realize that and by writing it out. Let us know. We're excited to hear from you. Send us your stories. We'd love to hear you following this eight-step framework. You can send us your thoughts by going to theartofcharm.com slash questions. You can also email us questions at theartofcharm.com or you can find us on social media at the Art of Charm Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Until next week, I'm Johnny and I'm AJ. Have a good one.