 Facebook support groups suck. That's right, I said it. But the good news is that there's a solution. So stay tuned and let's talk about this. What's up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And today I am talking about Facebook support groups but more specifically recovery based support groups. But I think anybody watching this can benefit from the message I'm about to share so you know how you can best support one of your friends, your family members or anybody in your circle who is struggling. I've been in recovery for about five years, a little over five years. And there's something that we really need to address which is called enabling. So one of the issues that I have I'm part of a lot of different Facebook support groups for sobriety and something that drives me absolutely nuts is when people go on to these groups and you just constantly see, well, I relapsed back to day one. Oh, I relapsed, I'm back to day one. Relapse, relapse, relapse, relapse. Totally fine. We are addicts, we are alcoholics, we screw up. Totally fine. The part that irritates me to no end is all the comments that ensue. And it's just so much enabling that it blows my mind that people don't understand this and they don't address it because all the comments below say, it's okay, it's all right, tomorrow will be a better day and all this other stuff. And right now some of you are looking at me like, damn Chris, what's wrong with that? And if you're in recovery right now you're saying, but Chris, we don't shoot our wounded. Absolutely 100% true. But there is a difference between enabling and supporting. So the best analogy I can give you right now is because I'm a parent. And let's be honest for a second, addicts and alcoholics getting clean are like children. I have no shame in saying that because I, when I got sober at 27 years old, I was a 27 year old child. So let's think about it. Let's say my son kept touching a hot stove and then running to me and crying about it. And now what if I said, oh, it's okay, it's all right, better luck next time. Like he would just continue to touch that hot stove and keep burning himself over and over. But as a good parent, what would I tell him? I would say, why do you keep touching the hot stove? Is there an issue with you touching that hot stove that I don't know about? How can I help you not touch that hot stove anymore? Or I can ask, what were you thinking this time that led you to touching that hot stove? These types of questions, that is what it means to be a valued support member. Because if I just keep coddling and enabling, he's never going to stop doing what he's doing. And I believe this is a huge part of the reason why so many people relapse is because people don't understand how to be a valuable member of somebody's support group. One of my key phrases that I always say is that a good member of your support group is someone who tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. So the reality is to help people, you gotta say some stuff that's gonna hurt their feelings. So one of the good things is that I've been more vocal about this in the Facebook support groups that I'm in because I call people out and I say like, why are you not addressing the issue? Like we need to realize and any addicts or alcoholics watching this video or even if you've been affected by an addict or an alcoholic, there's a reason why when we need money to get loaded, we don't go out and rob a 7-Eleven. We don't go out and rob a bank. We steal from our friends and our family members. And that's an important thing to understand because the root mentality behind that is I can keep hurting these people because they will love me no matter what. It's that same mentality when people keep relapsing in these support groups because they know that people are going to keep loving them no matter what. But where do we draw that line? That's what you have to ask yourself. So I implore you when you see people falling off, whether it's with addiction or whether it's dating toxic people or whether it's screwing up at work, you talk to them without belittling them. Like I'm not saying go out and might burn these people at the stake, but sit down and talk with them and say, what are the issues? How can I help support you? What are you not seeing in this equation that maybe I can help give you some clarity on? That is how you be a valuable member of somebody's support group. That is the solution to this problem because if we are not pointing out to these people what they're doing wrong, they're never going to fix their behaviors because they believe that they can just keep doing this and everybody's gonna love them no matter what. So why don't they do this? And with addiction, we're dealing with a disease that can kill somebody, right? I'll end with this story. My clients who I keep in touch with, they know exactly how I operate. I tell them while they're in treatment and then when they call me afterwards they see that I hold true to my word. Whenever somebody calls me and tells me they relapsed, I say two things. The first thing I say is I'm glad that you're alive. The second thing I ask them is, what weren't you doing? What did you refuse to do for your recovery? And one of my clients actually texted me and said, man, you actually do say that because it's true. Like there's no way that we're gonna get to the solution if we don't address the problem in the first place, right? So I just wanna leave you with that tidbit. These support groups are amazing and I hope I didn't deter you from joining them. Like they're amazing support groups, but we just have to learn how to strategize and get into the mind of the person who keeps messing up and see what we can do to actually help them rather than enable them. So I will leave you with this. This is the question of the day. What do you think that it means to be a valuable member of somebody's support group? Leave them in the comments below because I'm really interested in what you have to say. But if you like this video, give it a thumbs up. And please, if you know people who are enabling people, please share this video with them for the love of God, just share it with them. But if you're new here, click right below on that little round subscribe button. I'm always making videos about mental health, mental illness, addiction and all that stuff. And to the left of me, click or tap on one of those thumbnails because I have a ton of other videos on here to help you with your mental health. So thanks for watching. I'll see you next time.