 So a few videos ago, I talked about how I really hated having to use a wheelchair. I was having a lot of icky feelings about it. And then I realized I was gonna have to move for an accessible house. Ew. Sarcasm. So I moved, and this is the best freaking thing I have ever done for myself. All of those icky feelings, gone. I mean, like, most of them. We still have some work to do, but oh my god, this is amazing. Hello there, my beautiful, lovely internet friends. Welcome to my new home. Last week, I moved all of my stuff into this new house. So in the previous video that I've linked up above, stop being weirdo. I talked about, like, having to move for accessibility needs. I am up below the knee amputee, and I've been experiencing a lot of pain this year. Having to have my leg on all of the time has gotten to the point where it's not sustainable. And I felt kind of forced to make this decision to move to find somewhere that was, like, accessible to use my wheelchair at home. But gosh darn it, I was not happy about it. And that is an understatement. I was actually very angry, very sad, very just frustrated that I was gonna have to bow to my limitations and move because I needed to use a wheelchair at home. And I made a couple videos talking about how I don't like having those icky feelings about mobility devices, but it's something that I'm working through. And can I just say, I am so freaking glad that I listened to logic over emotion in this situation because the day that I moved into this house, I was almost in tears of joy that I could access what I needed to access in a way that is fit for my body. So I just got moved in and it's, like, 10.30 at night. And my leg is absolute trash. Like, it hurts so bad from being up and, like, carrying things all day. And I was able to sit down in my wheelchair right here and go about my whole freaking house, like, everything I need to get to, to, like, take weight off my leg but not have to hop around the house or use crutches or whatever. And if I wasn't so emotionally exhausted from today, I'd probably be in tears because this stuff matters. Like, I can get to the kitchen, the bathroom, my office, my bedroom, let the dogs outside all while using a chair. I no longer have to have my leg on when I'm at home and I cannot begin to tell you what a freaking relief that is. Now, yes, as you see, I am wearing my leg, but it's just because with filming it's easier to keep it on when I'm doing stuff than I pop it right back off. So I want to talk a little bit about the actual moving process, the place itself and kind of my very evolved feelings on using a mobility device now that I'm actually using it and it's benefiting me, perhaps a little house tour in there too. But first, a quick word from our sponsor. Thank you so much to today's sponsor UnitedHealthcare. Along with moving, I also recently had some major life changes meaning that I would need to start looking for health insurance. This can be a very nerve-wracking process, especially if you're someone like me who has pretty substantial medical needs from time to time. One place that I've been looking is UHCopenEnrollment.com. It is a one-stop shop for information on how to choose a health insurance plan, plus tips to consider to ensure your coverage is right for you. They even have tips to consider when looking for specialty benefits like vision or dental, which helps save me from having a look elsewhere. Now, if you get your health insurance through your employer, open enrollment typically happens during a two-three week period between October and December. You can head over to UHC.com to help find information about choosing a plan that's going to be best for you. For more helpful tips or to learn more on how to choose a health plan that's right for you, check out the UnitedHealthcare link in my description. Thank you again to UnitedHealthcare. And now let's hop back into the video. So back in April of this year, I signed a one-year lease at my old house. That house was not remotely accessible, and I made that decision really quickly because I needed to get out of my previous place. And I knew that it wasn't going to be good for my body, but I didn't want to believe that would really be the case. Like I was kind of going on hope that my leg would be just fine, even though I was already headed in a not great direction. And within a couple months, I realized that it was not sustainable to live there. When I am out and about in the world, I am able to use my prosthetic leg. I'm able to look like I'm walking pretty functionally, but the issue is there is a lot of pain in my stump and my residual limb all of the time, most of its nerve pain. I'm working on kind of modifying my socket, trying different options, which you'll see in an upcoming video to kind of help with that. But the reality is if I was out and about, I would spend all day on my leg in increasing amounts of pain, come home, and not be able to take it off and actually relax, because everything I needed was on a different level. Everything was stairs. And when you have no place to actually let down, to like actually breathe for a second, with all of the other major life changes that I've experienced this year from divorce to a lot of loss, I realized that like I was already sort of at a breaking point and the physical pain definitely added to that and something had to give. And so I started going through the functional motions of seeing if I could get out of my lease for accessibility reasons without being charged for the full year, because God knows that would not work. I explained the situation to my leasing company. They said they needed a letter for my doctor. I went to that appointment. I got that letter. But the whole time I was like, I don't really need to do this because I was very salty about it. I didn't want it to have to be the case. And even as I signed the lease on this place, like seeing that it was gonna work better for me, I was just in tears about this often. It really scared me, I think is the best way to put it, that the limitations that I was experiencing had become severe enough to have to move because I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Moving is the worst. It is exhausting and stressful. It is physically painful. And all your routines get shaken up. Like it's one of the most stressful life events and I had just done it. I was like, I don't wanna do that again. But I knew deep down like the logical part of me that I needed to do this. So I went through with the motions in a bad mood, got it done. But the second that I got my stuff in here and spent my first night here, I was like, holy shit, why did I not do this sooner? Why did I deny my body the help and like the accessibility and the mobility that it needed? Because I felt bad about having to make that choice. The benefit of being able to live somewhere that I can take my leg off and it is like actually built for my body, it is amazing. It's absolutely amazing. Also side note, the puppies clearly love it, which is a win-win. Now when I wake up or when I come home after day of being on my leg, I can just take it off and ditch it and navigate my entire house and my chair. That's outstanding. It's fantastic. It's fabulous. And I am a big fan. It's really interesting to me how quickly my thoughts on mobility devices like a wheelchair have shifted drastically the second I started seeing what a great benefit they were in my life. And as I've been going through this change, I keep coming back to this conversation I had with someone who's very close to me. Someone who's a very badass person, right? Can do a lot, is around a lot of people who accomplish a lot of things. And something that they said to me is when you see people accomplishing all these incredible physical feats and overcoming obstacles and difficulties, obviously there's a lot of strength involved, but it actually takes a lot more strength to say I can't do this right now or I need something else. And that that in particular is a strength that they admire and wish that more people understood that pushing through is not always the highest good. And especially coming from this person who is very familiar with the culture of like do everything, push through hustle, you know, love the struggle. That all definitely takes strength, but I have to agree that it takes a very different kind of strength to realize when that is not the best course of action for you. And to use the fricking tools that you have at your disposal to take care of yourself. And I've really been trying to embrace that especially as I've gone through this move. The way that I was raised and the culture that we live in doesn't really think of accepting limitations as a good thing. In fact, if I ever talk about something I can't do, I will get dozens of comments being like, don't let anything stop you. And I'm like, dude, you don't understand. If I do this, I am literally damaging my body. Yes, do I have the capability to overcome my limitations and do it anyways? For sure. Am I sacrificing years of my life or my joints in the process of doing that? Yes. Where is the badge of honor in that? Where is the badge of honor in breaking myself, my body or my mind to appear as something that I am not? Limitations are not a bad thing. But I do think it is a very mature adult and strong thing when we can say, these are the limitations I have, what can I do within that? You know, what tools can I utilize to expand that? Another kind of smaller thing is I've started using crutches sometimes when I go to my jiu-jitsu gym. Previously, would not do that because I didn't want to look, oh, I hate that that's still a thought in my head, but I didn't want to look a certain way crutching into the gym without my leg on. Like I want to look like I'm strong on and off the mats, but it was really difficult for me to get my leg on and off, especially after athletic activity when there's a lot of sweat. It's also just not comfortable. And so on days when I'm not feeling it, I'll just throw my gym bag over my shoulder, crutch on in there. I don't have to hop around, which is amazing. It's good for my body. And I'm pretty sure that no one actually cares, but if they do, okay, cool. I'm still doing what's best for my body. And I feel like that's kind of the theme of the year for me, really learning how to say to myself what I need, what is too much, and respect that without all of the judgment that so often comes in my brain, without assigning good and bad. Like there isn't a right or a wrong when it comes to using a prosthetic leg versus crutches versus a chair. There's no moral value or societal value on that. Actually, it is what is the best tool for the job. I do want to reiterate, this is still an ongoing process for me. I still have a lot of moments of feeling weak or defeated or bad or like I'm losing because I can't do as much as I want to do on my prosthetic leg. But that is evaporating more and more as I embrace it and like use it to my benefit, which is the whole point. And that is really gosh darn cool. You are just being the cutest thing through this entire video. No one's gonna care about what I have to say when there are these cute puppies just scattered about my couch. Looking at them is much more important than anything I could have to say. Okay, so let me take you on a very brief house tour. I'm gonna post the full version over on Patreon if you want to see that, check it out there. But welcome to my new place. Okay, so for this video, I am actually gonna keep my leg on because I don't quite know how to effectively wheelchair about and also film because I need my hands to roll. But I need my hands to hold a camera. I'll figure out eventually. But welcome to my home. So the kitchen is super wide. It makes using a chair like cook, make coffee, things like that. Super simple. I cleared off this side of my dining room table so that when I'm using my chair, I pop it under there. We're good to go. We have Sid, our goldfish here. He's not goldfish, he's a beta fish. I know my fish species. And then over here, got the couch set up mostly for the puppies. I've started crocheting a lot. I still don't have internet at the new place. It's been about a week and a half now. And so I've been like, what do people do when they can't stream movies? Crafts, hobbies, which has been really nice actually. Coming down the hallway. This is also wide enough for my chair. I keep her parked back here when I'm not using her. This makes it super easy when I'm done with the day. I just roll in there, turn it around, hop on my bed. No leg needed. And there's an extra room up here that I am using as my office. And then the bathroom right here. Quick note about this. This is the only non-wheel chair friendly doorway in the house. And so I just like roll up to the door frame, stand up, use the camera to balance, take one hopping step to like get to the toilet or the shower. And I'm good to go. So it's actually not an issue. Now, if you're a smart cookie, you may have thought, Jill, your house still has stairs. You would be correct. So the thing is this house is a by level, meaning there's an entire level downstairs. And the only way to access it is unfortunately by stairs. So the reason I chose this one is because there was nothing else that was in my price range in my area that was like just one level and entirely wheelchair accessible. I imagine one day that's going to be necessary. I'm not there yet, where I really just need to use a wheelchair at home when I'm home, but I'm not really using it when I'm leaving the house. And unless that thing changes dramatically, I don't expect that to change in the next year, hopefully. This also allows me to be able to get a roommate because there's an entire area downstairs that's kind of separate. I don't like having roommates as social as I can be when I come home. I really like being alone, but I also realize that financially it's probably a good choice. And I have the space for it. Hi, Sophie. So, yes, this is my new place. Hi, Leo. Hi, buddy. So far, it is working amazingly well for me, and I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to be able to do this. I know that it's not a position everyone has. And so being able to get out of my lease and find a place that I can live in, I'm insanely grateful for. I'm really excited about it. And it already starts to feel a little bit like home, which is a lot faster than places usually feel like home for me. Something else that has been really important and beneficial about moving kind of shifted the way that I was looking at it. I was thinking of it as another new start. I got divorced this year, and pretty soon after I made that decision, two of my dogs passed away unexpectedly. So there was an immense amount of loss quickly, and then a lot of darkness that followed that. The immediate months after that, I was very much deeply not okay. To a level that I'm not ever sure that I've been before. Just everything was painful. Everything was different. Everything was lost. Every relationship in my life felt weird or fractured, and that previous home saw all of that. It held all of that. And looking at this as a fresh start when I am now in at least a little bit of a better place to kind of leave a lot of that there has actually been a breath of fresh air. And part of it was like, he already got a new start six months ago. You don't need another one. But really, who is anyone to say that but me? I absolutely am gonna embrace the fact that this is another new start and that it's good for my brain, good for my body, and I'm really excited about it. So with that being said, thank you for hanging out with me for my little house tour and moving update. So far, things are really, really good. And if there's one thing I could say, it's I am so glad that I listened to what my body needed because I have already felt the benefits of that. It can be really hard to overcome all the internalized narratives about mobility aids and physical limitations. But I'm working on it. Gosh darn it. And we'll get there step by step. A huge thank you again to UnitedHealthcare for sponsoring today's video. A big thank you to all my patrons over on Patreon. You guys enabled me to do what I do here. Thank you. And most importantly to you, watching this video right now. Thank you for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me today. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else. And you chose to hang out with me and my sleepy puppies for a bit. And that means the world to me. Thank you. I love you guys. I'm thinking about you. And I will see you in the next video. Do you wanna wave goodbye? They're like, no mom. We just wanna nap. Bye guys. I gotta move now, buddy. I can't, I can't move though. I can't, I can't finish this video. I can't move because I am a pillow for a dog and there is no greater job. So I guess I'll just be here sitting until his nap is over.