 Hello, welcome to another harsh critique. Today I'm going to do part two of boiled scrambled and fried, the egg thing. I don't need to do much to preface this, a Patreon backer asked me to harsh critique one of their articles on the site and now I'm doing it. Let's get started. So the name of this is a f***ing course. Let me cure her daddy, which I really, really, really hate. The wounded, bleeding janitor poked SCP-049's knee and whispered something, raising her hand to point down the hallway. 049 had hoped it'd been able to clean her injuries in peace, but this matter would have to be dealt with first. Beneath the rays of the last functional ceiling lights, today a hideous thing. F***ing course, they have to say in the narration that it's hideous. They can't just describe it. They have to let you know. By the way, because it like later on it goes, could only be described as a bird-faced rag doll. Like if someone told you about a bird-faced rag doll, they don't have to tell you that that is a hideous thing or a living bird-faced rag doll. Anyway, gripping a sharp stick. Put the bandages down, old man. Unsurprisingly, it was SCP-049-J who had no doubt been stalking the old- what? Unsurprisingly, no doubt been stalking- why is it unsurprising? I don't- that doesn't follow logically. Like it just is SCP-049-J specifically, because you know what he looks like. So unsurprisingly, why would you say that? That doesn't- could just be put the bandages down, old man. SCP-049-J said- you're always afraid of using said. Said is the basis for most of your dialogue. You don't- whatever. Who had no doubt been stalk- who had no doubt been stalking the older plague doctor, bringing along its inferior m- hmm. Blinging- bringing along its inferior medical knowledge. Again, you don't- you don't demonstrate anything, you just tell me about it. Go away. SCP-049 responded unamused. Unamused. This is the problem with this writing. I gotta say it's better than it was last time around, but still there's these little things. And again, responded unamused, which you don't have to tell me you're- he's unamused. Go away. Gives me context for his attitude. Normally it would have been something to lecture the dumb bird with. Not a bird. But it swore this happened every time I had tried to heal someone, and it was getting tired of it. Did that thing actually have a brain? You mean the thing that walks around, has reason, and talks? Even if it is pretty insane? Yeah, probably has a brain. The poor doctor turned around to assess the janitor's injuries, but as soon as it had, it heard a horrid shriek and the frantic pounding of feet from behind. SCP-049-J kicked the janitor right in the jaw at full force, sending her rolling in pain down the hallway and into a closet. You're talking about something incredibly tiny, kicked someone, and with enough force to roll them down the hallway? That's a completely new anomalous feature for this particular thing, but alright. What are you doing, you mad man? Which, that's f***ing realistic dialogue. It was far from the first time SCP-049 had witnessed something like this, but it was horrified. These characters are talking to each other. Why do you have to tell me it was far from the first time you had witnessed something like this? You're trying to use your dialogue to establish a past between these two characters. I guess between what happened in the last story and what happened in this story, but you don't have to do that. You can show me this stuff. You're the writer. You could have started the story at any point. Anyway. Well, a good doctor always applies anesthetics, which you should have done if you- what? Well, a good doctor always applies anesthetics, which you would have done if you were a good doctor. SCP-049-J was pretty proud of itself or someone who had just knocked a dying woman unconscious. Oh, I just realized I glossed over this earlier, but SCP-049-J kicked the janitor in the jaw and rolled her down the hallway. So that gave her a concussion, obviously, and if you kick someone in the head hard enough to knock them down the hallway, you've probably killed them. Try to reach the janitor to finish the job, but SCP-049's quick hand firmly held it in place. Now, you listen here, you pest. Oh, 49 was actually getting angry at this point. You've been nothing but a nuisance since you were born. You call- you call senseless violence a medical practice? Oh my god, I just- I'm so done with this. But I'm 049-J. The J is short for junior. I'm the- it is not. See, I don't even understand what- what this interaction is supposed to be communicating back and forth. You tell me in narration stuff you should be telling me in dialogue, and then when you get to the dialogue, they just have a conversation that doesn't tell the audience anything. It is not. It is not what. I don't understand what you're trying to communicate with your words, which means you're not doing a good job with writing. SCP-049 had no idea what to do. It had done its best to relay all the medical knowledge to his child, but things were looking terribly hopeless. Thank you again for describing things that you've already showed, but whatever. It'd finally been granted someone who might be able to understand the true nature of the pestilence in the facility, but in any way, since it'll be anyone frustrated and annoyed, 049 began to pull moss and stuffing out of SCP-049-J's robes. Help- help. He's killing- see, this is actually kind of funny for once. He's killing a doctor in medical malpractice. SCP-049- all this relies on the fact that 049-J is already pretty funny on its own. Just adapting the character. While SCP-049-J screamed and struggled from 049's grasp, the janitor was slowly crawling through the shadows. The janitor, which was kicked in the face so hard that she was knocked unconscious and down the hallway, is now conscious again, I guess, and crawling down the hallway. She tried to stay silent. It's possible she had some real medical attention, but even in the frenzy, she wasn't able to stay hidden enough. SCP-049 eventually broke free and gave her another sharp whack with its pointy stick. Effective. Most effective. 049-J raised his stick again for another strike, but 049 had the time to seize the weapon first. You could have had the time to, did he though? This is something, and I'll say this is something I do sometimes in Riding 2 where you go like, so and so started to rev his engine and then move on, and then you're like, well, did he start or did he actually do it? In this particular case, it's 049 had time to seize the weapon first, but did he? Once more and I'll break it. You wouldn't. 049-J put up a very good fight or something that looks so small and so soft. You could describe a fight, but you know, whatever. Which you do. You do describe a fight, but then you preface it with, this is going to be a very good fight. 049 had to use all the strength to hold onto the stick. You can't just, you can't just tell me that it's good. You have to show me that it's good, and it's not that good. In fact, they were both so focused on stopping each other that they momentarily forgot how close they were to the janitor losing their balance. They trampled her arms, neck, and spine, mercilessly crushing her. By the time they noticed, it was too late. Like, I'm not even sure how logistically that works, but okay, fine. Stop, stop. Look what you're doing. 049 was able to convince 049-J to let go for a moment. It poked her unmoving body with the end of the stick. There was no response. 049 decided and returned to stick to his child. This woman is dead. This is your most effective cure. Do you have anything to say for yourself? 049-J carefully thought about the question for a moment. A very short moment. I need a pointer stick. It replied before going to sharpen the tip on the nearest concrete wall. Defeated, 049 sat down on the other side of the hallway, tucked its knees and put its hands over its face. This was all the big mistake. Just a big mistake that could have been avoided if it hadn't been alone with him. Oh, Dr. Ham, what have we done? I have no idea. To be honest with you, this all seems quite strange. Okay, bye.