 All right, so earlier today, I was in my community jacuzzi and I was thinking to myself Why do women why do men get such a bad rap from women because I'm you know, the complex I live at there's some really great guys that live there and I Understand why a significant percentage of women look at men and say, you know, they're Emotionally constipated there. I mean I hear the narcissist comments over and over again And men only want sex and yet as I was sharing with you I'm at my complex where I live and there's some really great guys who are in relationship I was talking to a relatively young couple. I think they were in their late 30s and um, they've been living together for a year and I I'm kind of blessed as a dating a relationship coach. I get the benefit of once I share what I do I get to ask a lot of questions What was interesting about this particular man when I asked the His girlfriend she goes He's more of the emotional one in the relationship. So I feel like men, you know, well, I listen I get the frustration many of you are feeling I get the frustration that You've experienced like what I said emotionally unavailable men emotionally avoidant men emotionally Uh stifled men emotionally constipated men like I said before and certainly are Dating marketplace these days lends itself to an opportunity for a lot of men to get sex Without basically much of an investment Literally without much of a commitment at all And I mean while some people will blame women for that because they make it relatively easy for the men and I yet I think there's something deeper that we have to look into so When I was contemplating the idea of the guys the men who'll commit the men who will won't I think it's really important to understand one of the Fundamentals to a healthy happy relationship and I posted a meme this morning that I wanted to share with you It's in the community page, but I wanted to share this with everybody because I think it really illustrates something missing in most relationships today And in fact my my comment on the mean says the reason why I the reason I have a job Because most humans don't get the following and the meme is about ways to build emotional intimacy I'm going to repeat that ways to build those emotional intimacy. So here's the meme Hopefully you can see it Okay, do meaningful activities together Uh, it's a little bit hard to read guys. I'm just going to read it for you because it's the focus is going in and out So do meaningful activities together Be intentional about having conversations Awful thoughtful gestures to one another Provide emotional support Share thoughts and feelings Practice non-judgment listening Listen, this is what I want to repeat because whether you're man or woman I see this habitually is a problem for a lot of people and that's practicing non-judgment listening Apologize when you're wrong Be curious Validate their experiences Face conflict with empathy and openness Offer non-physical compliments Practice vulnerability Try something new together Be honest and assertive and give space So, you know as I read that I thought to myself, you know When I was growing up as a single man, you know, when I was, excuse me, when I was an adult Um, basically listen, I followed programming growing up I was told to go to college get a job Meet a girl get married buy a house start a family. I found followed that programming And yet I had no fucking clue how to build emotional intimacy with a person I had no clue how to do this. Nobody teaches this at school. Nope. Our parents don't teach this to us Whether you're a man or woman, very few human beings really know how Let's put that on the screen again ways to build emotional intimacy And so is it any wonder that we are in a dysfunctional dating marketplace You know ladies, I know just because you have a capacity to vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're any better at this than men And so it takes a level of schooling to get passes. So coming back to the guys in the jacuzzi You know, I'm not sure many of these men know this but what I what I witnessed is There are really a lot of good men out there. There are a lot of good men out there They might be rather clueless They might even be winging it But there are good men and yet so many women give men a bad rap just like listen men do the same thing for women I hear habitual complaining from men about women You know, especially in the area of hypergamy about the red pill all this stuff So it's no wonder. It's a dysfunctional place to meet these days The marketplace We're you know, we have this online system of meeting people. That's not how it was for 200,000 Listen, I want you to go back 50 years and then 200,000 to the andre falls. Okay Basically, you made it in your tribe. You made it in your village. You made it in your town You made it at work. You made it at school What I meant to say is you made it with people that you knew and when I say made it I'm talking about You know sexually mating and emotionally mating and you're bonding together And that's changed in the last 50 years. I mean significantly changed the last 50 years And most of us have not been able to adapt to it So it's rather frustrating for many of us Now I want to lean into Because I just shared the emotional intimacy piece because I think it's really important to understand That we have an emotional health crisis Here in the united states and I suspect around the world We have an emotional health crisis for both men and women. They are stifled on an emotional level And like I said, just because women can vomit their feelings doesn't necessarily mean that they're any more Emotionally stable than men. This is why I continually recommend everybody reading two books Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller and getting the love you want so you can understand the unhealthy behaviors That is happening in our current dating marketplace because if you don't understand human behavior And if you can't vet for emotional maturity one of my areas expertise as a coach is to help you Learn how to ask the right questions based on your personality By the way, you can see right there in the screen Jonathan asley.com coaching if you want to schedule a discovery call with me Go to my website Click on that so you can learn if you want to find out how to do this Schedule a call with me because listen. We don't have time. Listen for those of at midlife We don't have time to waste on the wrong people And I got to tell you do you want to go out with a hundred men? And have the same experience over and over and over again Would you rather narrow that down to five or three people who are really compatible with you? Because our current dating system is all based on attraction And chemistry without much contemplation on shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity And most of you know my relationship iceberg. I lean into this I also talk about the importance of waiting to have sex to determine if you're on the same page with one another And we'll get into that in a little bit So which are the men that are capable of commitment and which are the ones aren't Number one the men who are capable of commitment need the following. They need the ground underneath them solid So if they're going through a contentious divorce If they have a contentious ex-spouse if they've got problematic children, that's difficult for them to navigate Um, they've got work issues. They've got health issues for those at midlife We have a significant we have an aging population where health is an important factor in the mating process I always hear women say I don't want to be a nurse and I don't want to be a purse Well, these are important factors that if the ground underneath a person isn't solid It's going to be difficult for them to commit in addition If they've come off of a significant relationship recently without any healing It's going to be difficult for them to lean into a relationship because oftentimes So I want to really quickly tell you something In the jacuzzi today, uh, is a marriage and family therapist a guy And we were just chit chatting and I told him dating is the new form of therapy and he goes He did a double take. What'd you say? I said dating is the new form of therapy. He goes, please explain I said what's happening today is people Get on the phone. They're you know, they're doing online dating. They meet online with people They get on the phone and they oftentimes vomit their problems to the person that they're talking to and they're both doing it to each other And what's this become is the dating practice is a way Many people are are utilizing the dating practice as a way to heal themselves or Not on a conscious level on a subconscious level. They they okay. They're not actually healing themselves They're really vomiting complaining venting Just getting it off their chest and I think a lot of men are doing this Instead of going to therapy instead of going to places where they can actually heal themselves So I say he says you have a book you need to write a book about this because I'm like, no, I'm not a therapist I don't I don't know how to lean into this. I'm just aware of that this happening And so when you're experiencing those guys, those aren't the ones that are going to be able to commit That are just vomiting their Emotional baggage on you and this is a significant problem So what else? They just got off a relationship. They're looking for someone to heal them. I see this with men I see this with women as well. This is this isn't singular to men. This is true for women as well So what else is going to ship? Well, I think it's important to recognize the blocks to love some of the blocks to love And I'm going to share that with you Like I shared before wounds childhood wounds and traumas And by the way, if you're not familiar with the book the Hoffman process This is a great book to lean into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause Negative patterns and limiting beliefs in one's life. I just talked about the luggage people have in their lives But most importantly men that lack direction Remember I said those men that are winging it They say I'm just looking for something casual. I don't know what I want I don't want anything serious if you have no direction. How can you lean into a relationship? What about misalignment when two people are misaligned on their values? They're misaligned on their lifestyles That's going to make it very problematic to commit But most importantly What's going to shift this narrative? I think it's really important for you to understand That the men who want commitment Declare it upfront. These guys I was talking in the jacuzzi. They all declare it upfront. They wanted commitment with somebody So I was really happy to hear that and they we were talking about the importance of building trust in a relationship And I was really happy to hear this and so how are you going to tell between the ones who will commit and the ones who won't? I think it's time to understand two facets and that is Asking being radically honest in the early stage of dating really just laying your cards On the table just laying your cards on the table And I think it's important to understand the four pillars of connection So let me share this with everybody the four pillars of connexion and it says mind body spirit and emotions Mind body spirit and emotions Men tend to live in the upper category the mind and the body and women tend to live in the lower category of spirit and emotions This is why I encourage women to be the emotional leaders of the relationship You are in charge of your relationship destiny not the men This is why I continually recommend everybody reading the book emotional intimacy by robert master So you can understand the complexities to emotional intimacy So you can understand the complexities to the ways remember coming back to this meme of building Emotional intimacy with one another because guys don't know this ladies. I'm going to be candid with you I didn't know this shit either It took a woman to open my heart up and took actually several women By the way, you might see this photograph here. I'm there right there This is a puppy pile of my group of friends. I call it my spiritual community These are goddesses who all have helped me in my this is my circle of friends my community They've all helped me open my heart up to love in a way. I didn't experience because they demonstrated it through a Through invitation, but from a sense of strength I love these women because they literally embody what's in this book why men love bitches Why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes Ladies if you want to shift the narrative in your life, then it's time to become Empowered in your life. By the way, there's a link to all the books I recommend in the description of this video under jonathan recommends books So Understanding that you are the drivers of the emotional components of the relationship But Jonathan, I'm just told to lean back on my feminine energy and let the man claim me Listen, you can lean back in your feminine, but if you're not taking action It's going to require some real radical action. It's going to require some radical honesty folks When I I often said Women are the this is not my quote But there's women are the gatekeepers the sex and men are the gatekeepers the commitment If you want to get a man to commit then you should utilize my dating vows My dating vows and that is listen folks whether we like it or not sex I don't want to say this but i'm going to say it's it's not a commodity, but it's a bargaining tool And since men do have a propensity of wanting sex it used to be if a man wanted to get laid he had to get married Now I invite you to do the dating vows and it's already in the description below Before having sex you agree to explore the process of getting to know one another with the intent to declare something serious Within the next three to six months You agree to be monogamous sexually while you're having regular sex with one another You agree not to actively seek and meet and date others while you're in the process of getting to know one another includes taking down your dating profiles You agree to speak up if this isn't working for you versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing And lastly you agree to invest regular time in the process to get to know one another That's how you know the guy's ready to commit because if he agrees to this and you're on the same page. Whoo Now sadly probably 90% of men won't agree to this But you don't care You want the man who does agree to this so these are the conversations you might want to start considering Having sooner rather than later instead of just leaning back and just hoping that all of your femininity is just going to do the job folks Sitting back in your femininity isn't going to claim a man. It's it'll claim is You'll claim is penis But you won't claim his heart until you actually start building intimacy together and given the fact that we're meeting total strangers these days I highly recommend reading this book by Malcolm Gladwell talking to strangers What you should know about the people you don't know we are meeting total strangers these days If you're not doing your job vetting as I teach in my coaching program You're probably setting yourself up for disappointment and I don't want you to have that disappointment So how do you differentiate between the guys they're ready to commit and the ones that won't Listen, don't give men a bad rap Just understand that human beings are dysfunctional whether we like it or not We are rather dysfunctional. So You got to look at their life. Does the ground underneath them seem solid? Do they want commitment? I mean, do they want to fully commit a relationship and would they agree to the vows? That's how you're going to determine the ones who are and the verses the ones are not Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know give me a thumbs up Subscribe to my youtube channel share this with friends check out the links to see if working with a coach is right for you And don't forget to get my book. What the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work Link below self love the book All right, we're going to take questions now It's my favorite part of the live stream So if you have a question for me write the word question Post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there. That's him right there. This is one of my favorite pictures of the boys He's my son who passed away Gosh in two weeks. It's going to be four years So in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund in his name and um and so use the dollar sign in the box or purchase a super thanks or Then mo me wherever you like to support. Uh, I really would appreciate it All right. I so we have a super sticker already here. So let's take a look at julia Julia s And thank you for the ten dollars. I appreciate it. Do people have to discuss monogamy first If it is assumed it's a monogamous relationship, but never discuss is it still cheating? Does the second date and having sex with a man mean monogamy great question so You know, it's not monog- let's say let's say you have sex on the first second third fourth fifth date It's only monogamous if you're having regular sex with one another think about it It's only monog- you could have sex once and never see the guy again. So it's not monogamous and it's not exclusive Here's what I like to do and you tell me if this works for you In the dating process, you might say this is something I I have said many times to say Hey, there's just something I'd like to know like you to know about me if we choose to explore a sexual relationship together I'm monogamous if I'm having regular sex with a person How do you operate? How do you operate? Now you could have somebody lie to you Certainly the possibility they could lie to you but men tend to be most men Actually are good guys They're just dysfunctional doesn't make them bad people. They're just dysfunctional I say this because I was radically dysfunctional for a long period of time after my divorce So most men are good guys. They're just dysfunctional so I think by asking that question you nine out of ten times most guys will be honest with you And most guys would say that they would be and what happens then is If they if they it puts a check mark in their mind. Oh shoot. I just agreed a monogamy with this person I'm a monogamous. So I better not sleep with her because I'm only really in it for the short run So I mean that could happen I'm a big proponent of discussing the dating vows again It's in the description the dating vows to get a sense of where his head is at That would be my invitation for you Julia. Is this is this helping? Please let me know and coming back to your question to people I think you have to discuss monogamy have to It's you cannot listen. I don't know how many women Are dating men and they have no idea if it's exclusive or monogamous If his penis gets to go inside your vagina, you are allowed to ask whatever fucking question you want. Okay And I know some of you get upset and they're like, you know, I I am a sexual woman and I can do whatever I want. Look at I get it I'm talking to the women who feel used by men who feel being taken advantage by men If you are an empowered woman, you want to have sex with whomever you want. You are more than titled to do that I'm not here to judge that I'm talking to the women who have felt hurt over and over and over again Because what's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result And I'm just leaning into that conversation. So for those of you complain about my my content You're not my audience. If you want to have sex with whomever you want I'm talking to the women who genuinely want fully committed relationship. Is that what you want? Let me know All right Let's keep swimming G wartman says julia I think monogamy needs to be discussed if it's not discussed Then a man will think it's okay to mount other women while he's writing you and the second date means basically nothing Good point. Thank you so much Thanks g uh Katrina says these days do do these strangers have candy That's kind of funny All right Here we go question question question question. Here we go Oh, we got quite a few so let me go here. Nicole question Should I trust a man? Wait, should I trust a man is emotionally mature enough when he says he's afraid of making a mistake or letting me down Once I get to know him You could by the way if a man says that go great. You don't get my vagina until you know what you want That's simply it. You don't get my vagina until you know what I want You don't get my time. You don't get my energy. You don't go anything if you're afraid of making a mistake If you're afraid of letting someone down Guess what go practice on some other woman because homie don't play that game ladies Why men love bitches a bitch babe in total control of herself? Yes, would never accept that kind would never continue dating a guy who says that go You know what go practice on on the low hanging fruit. I'm too much of a sovereign woman to accept that kind of rhetoric That's just my opinion on that Thank you, Nicole. I appreciate that question Scorpio says scorpio moon Question recently got dumped by a man who initially told me he was seeking marriage His reason after five months of dating was he only felt friendship with me not love not not wanting marriage So This is a tough one I was speaking to one of connor's friends who's in his mid 20s Who okay, those, you know, my son connor passed away and he was seeking my advice on something He'd been dating a woman for about five or six months someone he really liked Um, she was perfect. I mean she was uh getting her master's degree. She was very attractive Good family. I mean, I'll checked all the boxes But after about three months into the relationship, he said to me I'm just not feeling it. I'm just not feeling it And I go, yeah, I get it and he's like I go give it a little more time and And and by the way, they weren't sexual with one another. He they um, she was a virgin So he she wasn't you know connor's friend wasn't sexual with her. He was being a very much a gentleman Wasn't forcing it. I mean they did fool around a bit But after about the fourth or fifth month, he comes to me and says i'm just not feeling this love And you know, he he ended the relationship. I mean he's in 26 He wasn't in his 40s or 50s like most of my audience and I think to myself You know, and then I called him this happened months ago And I called him up recently because I told him about my new relationship and I said You know this feeling this euphoric feeling of love is an intangible You can't put your finger on it. It's like you could be they could check all the boxes and ladies You've met men that have checked all the boxes and it's not chemistry. There's um, there's an energetic connection When you meet someone that really touches your heart. It's beyond lust or limerence I shot a video on this Uh a couple days ago about um when it's right for a man He feels calm Because that's what i'm experiencing. I'm experiencing this level a unique level of calm Although i'm going through a lot of alliterations of stuff. There's an adjustment period going on right now I'm noticing it's hard to withdraw from the dating apps I mean believe me when you are practically addicted to the swiping. It's like going cold turkey It's like i'm feeling this this withdrawal I mean, I know cognitively. Why would I want to go on the app? But I mean it's just such a habit to swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe So I do believe there's a detox period that people go through but i'm going off subject here, but I was telling them Look, you can't predict love. It's just an intangible. So coming back to your question I don't think this man did anything wrong It's just a reality as we can't predict Genuine love it takes time for some people they feel it early for some time for some people that builds over time So great question scorpio moon. Thank you so much Question Thank you for all you do by the way. Thank you. I appreciate that nicky What factors causes a woman to attract an unavailable man? Ie emotionally unavailable married, etc. What vibe she may be putting out So it's not about the vibe. She's putting out. It's about her unhealed traumas Most by the way, you have to read the book getting the love you want by harville hendrix and the helen hunt Okay, just strip link below for all the books. I recommend this helps you understand the amago the imaging we follow Patternsing it's oftentimes it's a it's a reflection of one or both of your parents who are unavailable And you might have even thought you grew up an idyllic home and still Experience something where we're healing our childhood traumas. And so it's not a vibe you're putting out It's an unhealthy place within yourself that needs healing and when you heal it You no longer attract it. So the vibe is your unhealed wound. This is why again I recommend reading the hofman process to really do a deep dive into healing stuff and so I'm sorry. It's it takes monumental work folks. I've been at this for 15 years Healing my shit. I've been and the last five years has been a deep dive. It's it takes time to heal your stuff so Get busy living or get busy healing That's my invitation. Get busy Get busy dying or get busy healing. I'm sorry. I was thinking get busy living get busy dying Get busy dying get busy healing get busy healing or get busy dying By the way, if anyone can guess the movie I'm talking about I'd like to hear that comment Nikki, I hope that helps but you asked a great question Thank you so much um Scorpio, where did I go wrong? We waited three months to have sex again. It's it's an intangible Sometimes men think that the sex men believe sex will lead to love. Okay men believe sex will lead to love and The reality is is Sometimes even when you've had sexual experience with someone we don't feel it. I you didn't do anything wrong So I invite you to ask three questions. Okay, scorpio moon What positive things did you learn about yourself in this relationship? What positive things did you learn about yourself in this relationship? What was good about this relationship? And what are you most grateful for I invite you to write that in the comments I want to share that with everybody what positive things you learned about yourself in this relationship What was good and what are you most grateful for by the way can folks? Can you tell me why? Those are three powerful questions to ask yourself because if you want to heal You can focus on what's wrong. You can be a victim. I'm a victim. I'm a victim. I'm a victim Or you can be a victor A victor is a person A babe in total control of herself. She's a victor. This woman lives in victor consciousness not victim consciousness All right, great question. Thank or great follow-up. Thank you so much whoo Do you think someone who that has dealt with domestic violence can change their behavior? You know, I'm not schooled enough to know but I believe everybody has a capacity to heal If they have enough love in their life, I think I don't mean you loving them I just mean everybody has a capacity to heal Heroic work requires healing, but I do believe everybody has that capacity And my way heroic work means it could be take 20 30 years I don't know it's taken me 15 years to get to the place. I'm at right now. So It takes work. That's so I do believe it's possible Highly unlikely but possible. Thank you so much Katerina Jade says question does dysfunctional mean lying with a straight face. I'm not like that when speaking about sleeping with other women um Yeah, I would say Dysfunctional is usually a reflection of childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in their life So, yes, that is a function of dysfunctionality By the way, my coffee mug says I make the girl world go around. What do you do? All right, by the way, could you please purchase the super sticker super chat? I'd love to have some donations to the Connor asley scholarship fund If this has been a value to me, please let me know Let me know by hitting that thumbs up subscribe to my youtube channel Share this with your friends if i'm making a difference in your life. Please let me know even write that comment You're making a difference in my life jonathan So thank you all right jade writes What steps to take what exact questions to ask if you suspect infidelity without vomiting or being too passive Great question. Everybody hold on a second. I'm going to be looking for a book Uh that my ex-girlfriend wrote where is it? Where is it? Uh Chatting or cheating is the book. So bear with me Bear with me everyone. I'm just getting this book Don't so don't log off Check out that my ex-girlfriend wrote this book. It's called chatting or cheating How to detect infidelity rebuild love and a fair proof your relationship And she has a whole section in here of how to ask the questions getting to the truth. Wait, let me look at the chat I'm going to burp right now chapters Let's see. Oh my god I mean, this is just a plethora of amazing questions to ask how to confront your partner the questions to ask I mean, this is an amazing book By the way for the record folks everybody. I want you to see this right there at the bottom She gave me uh, she said Jonathan asley who lovingly encouraged and pushed me unconditionally Supported me through every step of the process of writing this book. Thank you for shining your beautiful heart light Holding down the emotional fort and continually believing in me. You showed me firsthand what it means to the words I'm here. You matter. We are important very grateful for that. That's a picture of dr. Sherry right there Sweetheart we're dear friends. Actually, we're family to one another I already called her and told her all about my my new girlfriend. I showed pictures because People in my life. I want to share my joy and they want to hear my joy So I'm grateful for her so check out her book chatting or cheating. I hope it helps jade All right ks Question if a man is confused as to whether to commit to you after several months Does that mean doesn't love you enough for a long term? you know So you all know right now i've met someone and i'm in absolute la la land I I recognize it's the chemicals in my brain that's telling me she's the one she's the one she's the one But we also have spent almost now roughly 75 85 hours face-to-face time And gosh, we probably have spent oh my god. We probably have spent 50 60 hours on face time as well And our face time conversations are really dip rich and deep in in Well, okay, so I have a confession to make so she calls me complicated Because I like to unpack everything And I am by the way amongst my friends I am constantly unpacking stuff so I can be a bit exhausting But she also says it's one of aspects of my personality that she likes So I like unpacking all the little nooks and crannies of our relationship I wouldn't do this if I didn't think there was real potential I wouldn't invest emotional intimacy with a person Because look at getting laid is easy ladies. You make it so easy for men to get laid that it I mean, it's the um, I'm sorry to say the three-day rule. I mean is the norm What matters most is beyond that It's that when a man has had sex with you and he still wants more not just sex But he wants he wants to spend time with you he wants to explore he wants to introduce you to his friends he wants to Yeah, he wants to even build a life with you It's a feeling you can't describe I'm experiencing a feeling I can't describe. It's like And I could be delusional. I could be absolutely delusional here This may blow up in my face for all I know. I might sabotage it by being so ridiculously, um, complex I don't know But you know what's best Life is a fucking journey You know what like why not suck the bone marrow out of life? Why not squeeze that that orange and let it just drip all over your face and enjoy all the good the bad and Even sometimes the ugly because guess what? Now I believe that we come back and do this over and over again So but make the most out of it. So what if you had a bad relationship? So what if the guy ghosted you so what if those things? Ask yourself what positive things did you learn about this in in this relationship? What was good and what are you most grateful for? I invite you to attract an amazing partner in your life right now. I invite you to attract that in god universe spirit I invite an amazing person in my life. It is raining great people in my life those types of people where we have amazing Connection with one another and chemistry one another and we have that ability to communicate endlessly for hours and hours at a time and the banter Could just be lively and fun and just continuing without stopping and I invite that level of our ability to Blend our lives together and that we share the same values and we can build the deep roots of trust and I invite that in god universe spirit It's my invitation for you Shift your narrative from all the negativity because guess what just like the guys in the jacuzzi. I was talking about earlier There are a lot of good men out there and just need your Guiding light to get them into their heart. This is why I recommend reading this book If you really want to connect with your heart Read the book the untethered soul by michael singer and only read one chapter a day. Don't read more than one chapter a day It's too. It's too powerful to take in all at once I highly recommend reading these books. I highly recommend. Oh my god If you want to change your life read the book if the Buddha dated one of my all-time favorites because it throws out the Bullshit gender rhetoric and starts you don't need to worry about your feminine energy You worry about your empowered energy into a relationship and that's my invitation for you All right, you know me I go on my rants here Wow, we have lots of questions Question do many couples have real emotional intimacy your post from this morning made me think of the question I know many couples And convinced it's a marriage of convenience No Very few couples have deep emotional intimacy All right, right there Ways to build emotional intimacy. Now, I will tell you I you know, I hope I'm not throwing my girlfriend in the bus But she didn't know this stuff She got lucky. I know this shit. I'm like a junkie for this stuff So she scored big time But most of you ladies don't know this and most men don't know this So listen, you have a choice you can read this stuff and make it a part of your relationship Or you can be passive and just you know It's all about a man paying for dates and a man doing this and a man doing that you can focus on all the superficial shit But where are you going to be? If you don't focus on the intimate part of the relationship Dating is not about it's not about Dating is about whatever you want But if you're hyper focused on what the man is supposed to do to make you feel good You need to focus on training men Training your guy for you I'm training her. Okay. She probably pissed at me for saying this out loud And by the way, she has a huge capacity what I love about her She has this amazing capacity to be a sponge and she has an incredible memory. She's really an intelligent woman I'm fascinated with how her mind works and she's a sponge and she can take it in and she's quick to learn I am like I have to hear it. By the way, folks You know why I repeat things over and over again because I'm I need repetition I know I'm yelling. Let me calm down. But coming back to You want to be with a man who's a sponge who goes? Wow, this is cool By the way, do you know how many women are now introducing men to the book eight dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman? I get email after email after email from women telling me how grateful the men are That they're introducing this to them to the men So don't be afraid Don't be afraid All right, thank you All right, let's just keep swimming. Let's keep swimming Ah jade said what questions what exact questions to ask do me a favor jade jack get the book Get the book chatting or cheating. It's all there for you. Okay. I don't know them by heart Okay Jennifer says sex doesn't lead to love. I had sex with men and realize we weren't a match lesson learn. There you go Men think sex leads to love All right, is this helping folks Jennifer says I love the prayer. Thank you so much Kimberly asks what obstacles do you see in your relationship right now new relation besides the long distance? Well long distance is problematic. I'll be candid with you. I am not I am not designed listen I'm on the phone all day long and I do love talking with her. It's great, but I don't feel like I can bond over the telephone. I need that physicality. I want to do things I want to go on trips with her. I want to by the way, we're planning a trip for my big birthday coming up Um, so I'll be off the grid in august Um, we're going to go to mexico. I'm really excited about that But I need to be in physical presence. I don't bond over the phone I mean we build some familiarity and we keep the we keep the the umbilical cord going But I don't like this time apart that and I could I could see myself doing something stupid Like I know I won't do that But probably trying too hard probably could be one of my you know, I think trying too hard could be something Um Feeling a level of frustration. I'm not a big fan of long distance. Thankfully, you know We're even having conversations of what this would look like in a few months if she was here I think if you don't have a plan of how to take two people to one city It's going to be very problematic and thankfully she's you know, we are having really good dialogue about this um But for right now, I don't see any red flags in her. She's an amazing human being And I just think kind of what I was sharing earlier Connection isn't intangible. It's just you can't predict who you're going to have it with You can't I have met some amazing beautiful women who checked all the boxes But I didn't have connection So Uh kimberley, I hope that helps answer your question. Thank you so much all right Deborah says anything I say I say with love as I say as you say you're trying to help us. Good luck in all you do We try to help you too. Thank you. Deborah. I appreciate it all right, um Deborah says we benefit from your life experience and vice versa indeed you I learned a lot from you guys So thanks so much Jennifer also follows. Thank you for answering my question. I love that you're guiding your girlfriend I'm sure she loves this about you. I hope so because I listen folks I am no picnic. I am no picnic to be with I am uh, I overthink I'm I'm constantly unpacking things. I I'm a junkie for this stuff. I need to chill That's why I'm so happy. We're going on a vacation together just to chill And you know what else I like about her she you know, it's funny So we've talked about our strengths and weaknesses and I have a capacity to really collapse in crisis I'll be candid with you. It's not I'm not proud of this weakness And we were having a problem uh with um after booking our flight and we had a problem Uh, it turns out I made a mistake on the dates And we're trying to change it And we were going through hell through my credit card company absolute hell And so she got on a three-way call with me and we she was holding my hand. I'll be candid with you I'm a little bit hyper sensitive to to complications And she rises in complications Anyways long story short. We solved the problem But then I go into action. This is where my strength comes in I wrote a letter to the president of the credit card company and I wrote an email I got the guy's email address. I wrote him an email On friday afternoon He emailed me back sunday morning and with a half hour I had a senior vice president from the company call me to help solve the problem that I had I was like You know what like so I may not have this strength. She already has that I have a different strength and she and she was like admiring she's like Fuck you got the president of the credit card company to call you I'm sometimes a bulldog in certain areas. I'm just a I just sometimes have weaknesses in other areas And what's beautiful about this is we can talk about and unpack it and she doesn't I'm grateful that she doesn't see me as less of a man We all have strengths and weaknesses Why not find out what your strengths and weaknesses are rather than being judgmental Coming back to the meme judging, you know while listening and just appreciating your strengths and weaknesses That's what partnership is about and I'm grateful. I'm experiencing that with her All right. Thanks for letting me ramble there um Jennifer says I used to be bad with crisis and yoga and meditation helped me deal with this stuff And I'm so much more calm, you know, the problem is is my father Coming back to the amago in this book Okay My father would absolutely lose it when there was crisis My mother was the stoic one in that point And yet my father was a commander of a 600 foot destroyer in world war two So he had his strengths. He had his weaknesses and my mother and father There's there's a there's a picture of them when they're in their 20s They had a they had they had this dance of mutual exchange for one another and Finding your strengths and weaknesses is a critical component to a healthy happy relationship And when you find those out you have a greater chance of success in your relationship. That's just my opinion anyway All right Debra writes Long distance you kiss your phone call it text. Good night. It's still alone. It's friends with benefits contract or no contract That's one way of looking at it. I don't see it that way, but I can see how you see it that way all right Pamela says I believe you lean into each other because of our fears our flaws our insecurities our inadequacies Together we become stronger a fucking man a fucking man. Well said Uh question. Sarah says How do you help someone that seems to be fully committed to you but seems to have general Seems to have a general concept of what marriage is and is and is against it because he says that it's superficial What do you say to a guy like that? You say you don't get my vagina anymore I'm sorry folks if you want marriage and they have that attitude you share why marriage is important to you He shares it. You don't get sex anymore I'm sorry. We have ladies where it's if every woman wore a chassis belt for 90 days all men would shift Not all men, but a lot of men would shift You know what if you're not on the same page, then why do you want to be in relationship with this person? That's just my feeling All right You know what folks we're coming up to the the 50 minute mark that's usually when I wrap up you guys gave great You ladies gave great questions tonight. I really appreciate it. Did you find value in this content? Am I making a difference in your life? Please let me know I really if I am please share these videos with your friends, please Check out the links below if you feel like I can support you follow me on instagram check out my book I'd really appreciate some support Because I want to take this channel to a million subscribers and I need your help So if I'm making a difference a please let me know Post a comment. Let me know share this with your friends. Hit the like subscribe all that good stuff All right I think this would be a great place to wrap up today if you'd like some one-on-one coaching There's right there. Wait a minute. Where is it? Wait this way Right there JohntheNasle.com forward slash coaching schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you I want to do this again Coaching All right, folks. We're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off. Give myself a big gigantic John the Barrick of self love Oh, I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet the teddy bear pillow Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank jamie and royal and jade and pamelin kelly and grace and uh debra and jennifer and sarah and pamelin calleen cast and uh Aaron and am s and uh No, um nosama Angel everyone. Thank you so much wishing you a super duper Fabulous evening. All right. Be well. Thanks a bunch. Bye now