 So, I want to lean into this conversation about casual relationships in particular, because I have noticed that roughly about 80% of those of us in midlife are experiencing more casual relationships than serious relationships. And there's a couple reasons for this. It's kind of interesting. I was speaking to a guy at the jacuzzi earlier today, and he was asking me for, this is a guy I know. I think he's in his mid-40s, nice guy, school teacher, you know, really good human being. I feel he is a good human being anyway. He's divorced, couple kids, and he was telling me how there was a woman he really liked, and he said, basically, I'm looking for something casual and nothing serious. And he thinks he might have scared the woman away based on that. I said, yeah, he probably did. And he goes, Jonathan, I really liked her. Well, you led with the wrong scenario. You should say I'm genuinely looking for a fully committed relationship, something serious. But he thought, since it wasn't with her, he shouldn't say that. A lot of men state they want casual when they actually want a serious relationship because they don't maybe want a serious relationship with you. So in the beginning stages, when a guy says casual, I suggest calling them out. Is that definitively casual, or is it you don't want to imply that you want something serious with me and take that off the table? Take that off the table. Look, I get it. But let me ask you a question, dude. I want something fully committed. Do you want something fully committed? I'm not expecting you to want it with me. I just want to know where you're at. And he actually said to me, he goes, yeah, I'm going to start saying I want a fully committed relationship. It just didn't occur to him because he thought, because so many men are afraid of making a promise they can't keep. I'm going to repeat that. So many men are afraid of making a promise they can't keep. So take that off the table for them. Make it easy for them by stating, look, I want something serious, but I also know it takes time to get to know someone. In fact, this is why I'm such a big proponent. That's what my girlfriend and I have done is we laid our cards on the table right from the after we agreed, we wanted to see each other. And by the way, we literally bypassed the dating process. We spent, we saw each other twice and we went immediately into exploring a relationship. We were very intentional. We were very intentional because we laid the cards on the table. We use radical honesty, which means being vulnerable, authentic and transparent without compromising your boundaries. But it's how we set the standard by laying, what is laying on the cards on the table? Look it, it requires a couple of things. You have to have a strong connection with the other person. You have to be intentional on what you want, okay? And you have to be self-aware. You have to know your own problems. Look it, I just shared about my mom. So I have a capacity to lean in really fast and get scared and then lean in really fast and get scared and lean in fast and get scared. That's my patterning. Now I'm aware enough to know that it doesn't have to be my experience. It's just my patterning, okay? So I'm aware of that. So I shared that with her. Now a lot of women would say, oh my God, this guy is needy. He's weak. He's a simp. He's a beta male. I am far from being a beta male, okay? But I don't need to sell myself on whether or not I'm an alpha or not because I've certainly accomplished more than most human beings on the light. But I'm getting into the point is I know my deficiencies. I know my red flags and I asked her to share her red flags. It takes a level of awareness. This is why when I wrote my book, What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work. By the way, there's a link in the description below to signing up to my group, getting a copy of my book, signing up for a free discovery call. By the way, if this content is resonating with you right now, please hit that like button. Please subscribe to my channel. Please share this with friends. Why I'm suggesting this is if you want to really accelerate the process of getting to know someone because here's the bottom line. These days we're meeting total strangers. I highly recommend reading the book Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. When you're meeting strangers, it takes more effort to build trust with another human being and it requires better communication skills. And let me tell you something, ladies. You guys are just, you think you're so good at communicating, but I've got to tell you just because you can vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're good communicators. Watch the TV show Couples Therapy on Showtime, Couples Therapy. The women are just as bad as the man at communicating their feelings. This is why I highly recommend checking out the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. By the way, Jonathan, all you do is recommend books. Folks, for 15, you can spend $150 and change your life in one year. Let me repeat that. You can literally grow from the inside out so you become a better partner for a person by reading or audio version of books or watching them on YouTube. I'm sorry if this pisses off a bunch of you people, but bottom line is this. You spend more time brushing your teeth, combing your hair, putting makeup on and buying shoes than you actually spend in personal development. And no wonder we're in such a dysfunctional society. Thank God the younger generation is adopting therapy more so than those of us that are tail end baby boomers or Gen Xers. And they yell just because I feel like your children about to touch fire. I'm trying to say, wake up. Wake up from the sleep because you're all sleeping thinking you're so good at this shit. We're all fucking dysfunctional. That's it. We're all dysfunctional for the most part. Look, I'm your big brother. If I could go on a first date with you. I'd have my shotgun out. I'd point at the guy's face and I'd say, what's your intentions with my little sister? You've got to do that for yourself. How are you going to figure out who's casual and who's serious? Because the bottom line is this. If you're in a casual relationship, then I invite you to be empowered and step back a little bit. Be empowered and step back a little bit. What stepping back is, is listen, is not giving more than them. I always say a relationship is like a two lane street. You're traveling on the street at the same speed, but let him travel a little bit more. Don't go ahead of him. Now I'd say interrogate the motherfucker. Be radically honest right from the get go. I'm sorry. I know everybody tells you don't interrogate, don't interview someone on a date because that turns people off. Look at if he is attracted to you and he wants to have sex with you, he'll jump through more hoops only. Let me reframe that. A guy who's in serious about a relationship will jump through more hoops. The guy who's not serious about a relationship, he won't jump through any hoops. Listen, I'm sorry to say this. You're the gatekeepers of sex and yet you will allow friends with benefits, situationships and non unlabeled relationships. How many of you are in unlabeled relationships? A lot. Why are you giving your vagina to a guy? I'm sorry. I'm seeing it this way. I know you don't like this. This might seem crass, but let me tell you, if women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment, then get some level of commitment before you have sex with someone. Okay. I'm yelling. Chill out Jonathan. I'm passionate about this because I witness mistake after mistake after mistake, you give your power away to men. You are in charge of your relationship destiny. A guy is not in charge of your destiny. You're in charge of your destiny. Is he serious or is he casual? 80% are going to be casual. So listen, eight out of 10 guys you meet are going to operate from casual. Now here's the deal. If he likes you a lot, then you make him jump through all kinds of fucking hoops. You hold off on sex. You ask him radically honest questions. You get deeper than the surface. And I got to tell you guys are terrible at doing this. I also recommend reading this book, Why Men Love Bitches. Bitch stands for babe in total control of herself, ES. Be in your empowerment. Be in your empowerment. By the way, there's another book I haven't recommended in a while. I highly recommend reading this too. Read Dale Carnegie's How to Win and Influence People. This is a great book to learn how to really connect with human beings that are strangers in your life. Because if we're meeting total strangers, we need a level of trust. And I certainly recommend, listen, you all know my rhetoric before the penis goes inside the vagina. Read the book Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. At least read chapter one together, which is all about commitment. Listen, most men are good guys, but they're winging it. They're winging it. They don't know what the fuck they're doing in midlife because when we were in our 20s and 30s, we had a goal. Go to college, meet a girl, get married, wait, go to college, get a job, meet a girl, get married, buy a house. For the family, it was easy when that was the blueprint. That was the traditional blueprint. For us, midlife, that blueprint doesn't exist. You know what it is? It's like I've got burnt in my divorce. I don't want to pay alimony. I don't want to pay for someone else. And you ladies, you don't want to be a nurse or purse either. So this is why it's partially dysfunctional, the traditional expectation. So I want you to look at it from a different vantage point. Okay, you're not going to find most men that are intentional like me. It's just not going to happen. So understand you have to find the diamond in the rough, like the guy at the jacuzzi, the guy who genuinely wants a serious relationship, and you just got to call them out. Stop giving men a pass and start calling them out. If they like you, they'll make you the investment. And if they don't, you're on to the next one. This isn't easy because dating is a shit show. Look it, online dating sites have better success than the swipe apps. I mean, it is literally a lottery on the swipe apps. The dating apps, listen, I met my girlfriend through match.com that's a plug for match.com. We met over a year ago. We met a year ago before we physically met. And I got to tell you, she read my profile, this long essay, this long ass essay that everybody said, don't do it. She read it and said, wow, I appreciate what he wrote. She made the first move. And even then I kind of reject her because it's distance, but that's another story. Anyway, listen, I know men give mixed signals. The reason being is we're all messed up, we're all messed up. And I got to fix my computer here for a second. And most guys are doing the best they can. Most guys are doing the best they can. Don't judge the man, judge the circumstances because most human beings have had tough childhoods and maybe are tough, tough adult lives. So why not get better at being in a position where you're empowered rather than giving your power away to a man? That's my invitation for you. All right. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit the bell so you can be notified of videos. We're going to start our Q&A section. Listen, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Johnathan Barrack of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives.