 The Kraft Foods Company presents Wellard Waterman as the Great Gildesleeve! The Great Gildesleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Kraft, makers of the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. We say one and only because there just isn't any other salad dressing like Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip is different, and it tastes different. Miracle Whip tastes so good it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created. More Miracle Whip is sold in the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it! Make your salads better tasting with the one and only Miracle Whip! Now right now everybody is pretty vacation minded around the Great Gildesleeve's house. Marjorie and Bronco have already been away for a week, but today Marjorie came down from the mountains to pick up provisions and take Birdie back with her for a week's stay. Yes, sir. Birdie's going on vacation. Well, you deserve it, Birdie. Thanks, Miss Gildesleeve. Oh, you'll enjoy the mountain, Birdie. Oh, I know I will, Miss Marjorie. Birdie loves the tall chimpanzee. That's where she's hidden, the tall chimpanzee. Don't come back with any tall fish stories, Birdie. Oh, no, sir. Birdie's just going to lounge by the lake, and when Birdie gets in that tall chimpanzee, she's going to stick herself with a pine needle to see she's dreaming. Well, it's no dream. No, sir, but when I get in that tall chimpanzee, I'm going to make sure I'm going to stick myself with a pine needle to see if I'm dreaming. Yeah, all right, Birdie. Just your feet when I get in that tall chimpanzee, you know what Birdie's going to do? Yes, Birdie. That's right, Birdie. Go stick her. I'm excited about her trip. Yeah, I hope she slows down before she gets to the lake. She might run right off the pier. Well, I better check my list to see if I have all the provisions we'll need. Yeah, it's quite a list you have there, my dear. Now, let's see. Cheese, eggs, bacon, mosquito lotion, ant powder, insect spray. Uh, are you getting provisions for the family or for the insects? Well, we need all these things up there. Yeah, that's the trouble with going away. The bugs always take their vacations the same place you do. You know, I'll take my vacation right here. Oh, unky. I haven't seen a mosquito around here in two years, and it's pretty hard to get sunburns smoothing on the powder couch. Well, you can stay home, you old softy, but we love it. By the way, may I borrow your big pail to take back when it rains the roof leaks? Sure, take the pail. Just don't take my roof. I want it right over my head this summer. But I'll see you before I go on. All right, my dear. Yes, sir, the latest mendification is right here at home. It's good for a man to sit all alone once in a while and do some solid thinking. Let's see, what do I think about it? There ought to be something. What is it, Leroy? Everybody's on vacation. When are we going? Well, you're going to camp next month. Well, that's next month. What are we going to do now? Birdie and Marjorie packing. What are we going to do? My boy, you and I are going to have the vacation of a lifetime. Yeah? What are we going to do? We're going to enjoy the pure insect-free air and the cool summer breezes sighing through the trees. Yeah? We're going to have comfortable beds. In fact, all the luxuries we have are right here at home. Sounds keen. Uncle, where are we staying? Right here at home. Are we home? Aye, for one. Pull the shade a little, Leroy. The sun's shining on me. Okay, pull the shade. I'm not the lifeguard. He won't even take me on a vacation. No, Leroy. I like to be out in the open, sleep under the stars, cook over an open fire. That's living. Here I am stuck with a tender foot. Leroy, I'm no tender foot. I like the great outdoors as much as you do. In fact, I come from a long line of pioneers. Why, my grandfather came across the country in one of the first Pullman birds. Oh, brother, what a pioneer. Let me ask you, man-to-man, is it fair to jip me out of a vacation just because you don't want to go anywhere? Leroy, have you seen the lotions, sabs, sprays and junk, margaries taking back to the mountains? They must be having a lot of fun to need all that stuff. You were a legend on my idea of fun. If I wanted to sleep outside, I'd stretch out under the elementary in the backyard. If I wanted to cook over an open fire, I'd borrow Judge Hooker's portable barbecue. Say, why don't we do it? Do what? If we're going to rough it, let's rough it right. You mean take a vacation right now to the backyard? Why not? Why go to a crowded woods when we can have the backyard all to ourselves? Want to try it tonight, Leroy? Oh, gosh. You can take your sleeping bag out under the stars. What would you sleep in? Well, after you're comfortably settled outside, I'll go inside and go to bed. Leroy, I'm not going to bring my bed out in the yard. Oh, heck, you don't have to. You can borrow a sleeping bag. Mr. Peabee has one. Well... Unless you're really a tender foot. Leroy, you may drop that word from your vocabulary. Your uncle, Daniel Gilderboon, is going out to bag a sleeping bag. Don't you sleep? What can I do for you today? Peabee, I'm going on my vacation. Hmm, I'm glad to hear it. Now, over on this counter, I have some remedies for sunburn, insect bites, stone bruises, aspirin for when you play your vacations and bills. No, I don't need any of that stuff. I just want to borrow your sleeping bag. Yeah, well... Where do you plan to spend your vacation, Mr. Gilderboon? In my backyard. Okay. Leroy and I are sleeping in the backyard, Peabee, and we're all excited about it. Doesn't sound very exciting to me. Bunch of things get a little dull. You can always walk out to the curb and watch the cars go by. All right, Peabee. It just happens to be the way I want to spend my vacation. Well, I believe in everybody, vacationing the way he wants to. That's what I do every year. Where did you go last year, Peabee? Well, last year I saw a lot of Alaska. Alaska? Well, there's no place like Alaska. Salmon leaping up the falls, glaciers, the roar of Borealis, the huskies pulling the sleds across the ice. Mush, mush! Mush, mush. You know, either it's just something you say to the dogs. I know that, Peabee. The year before, I made a study of the Apache Indians way out west in Arizona. Peabee! This year, I'd like to take a look at Africa. Peabee, you're not going to Africa. To do all that would take you two months. No, I can do it in a couple of hours. A couple of hours? That African movie with Humphrey Bogart is showing right down the street. Oh, my goodness. Last year, I saw a rerun of Call of the Wild in the year before, and I took it in in western. It's a big kick, isn't it, at the movies? Peabee, where's your sleeping bag? The sleeping bag's in my garage, Mr. Gilligan. If you'd like to go back and pick it up. Yeah, thanks. I'll pick it up in my way home. Maybe a little dusty. I haven't used it for several years. I'm surprised you have a sleeping bag at all. Well, I had occasion to sleep in the yard myself a few years ago. That's when I bought the bag. Well, you and Mrs. Peabee have the same idea, Leroy, and I have? No, Mrs. Peabee and I didn't have the same idea at all. Exactly how the slight misunderstanding that's why I slept in the yard. Well, thanks again for the bag, Peabee. I'll return it one of these days. Man, don't keep it too long, Mr. Gilligan. Peabee, you won't need it. Mrs. Peabee wouldn't make you sleep in the yard again. You know, I wouldn't say that. Hand with this portable barbecue. Okay. Yeah. We'll put it here by the water hose in case of stakes type of burn. Gosh, we're going to so much trouble. We may as well go on a trip. No, Leroy. Camping out here in the yard will be a lot of fun. We'll be all alone. Just like being miles away from everyone. Goodbye, Archie. Oh, are you leaving now, Marjorie? They're going to school by. Have a good time. Oh, sure. If you don't hear from Uncle Me and me in a couple of days, send a forest ranger. We're lost in our own back. Oh, Leroy. All right, Bertie. Do you want me to leave my keys at the house? Oh, never mind. Leroy has a key. Just lock the door. Yes, sir. You don't need anything else out of the house? No, we have everything. Okay. I'll lock up and go. Fine, Bertie. I'm leaving. So long, Leroy. Bye. So long, Mr. Gilligan. I'm headed to the tall temple. Do you have a good time, Bertie? I will. Goodbye now. I'm gone. I believe Bertie hates to go. Well, goodbye now. Goodbye. Goodbye. You don't leave soon. That temple's going to be pretty tall. Really? Well, Leroy. There they go. Yeah, up to the mountains. Well, they're welcome to it. Miles of winding, dusty road. Rocking, winding road. Well, they're welcome to it. Miles of winding, dusty road. Rocks and weeds when they get there. And here we are on a nice green lawn. No fox tails in our socks. No poison oak. No inconveniences. No nothing. Leroy, relax. Enjoy yourself. Stretch out here under the tree. Oh. Just look at those squeaky crowds drifting by. Yeah, they're headed from the mountains, too. Leroy, you're fighting this. What more could you want? Gosh, if I was in the mountains, I could go swimming. Well, you can always submerge yourself in the rain barrel. It's a lot less tiring than swimming. What a way to swim. Well, we're roughing it. And believe me, this is the way to do it. Yeah, I'll be happy. Just as long as you don't try to budge me out of this bad guy. Well, if we've got to stay, I guess we've got to stay. I think I'll mosty down to the water hose and get a drink. Well, that's the idea, Leroy. Use your imagination. We could be a million miles from civilization. Well, that's the telephone, uncle. Well, I wonder who that could be. Maybe civilization is calling you. Yeah, I guess I'd better get in and answer it. Wait a minute. Hmm? Answer the phone. You're away on vacation. Well, you're right, my boy. Let it ring. It can't be important. No. Of course, it could be the mayor. Whoever is calling is very persistent. How about it is the mayor? So what? He's just your boss. Oop. Leroy, give me the key to the house. Okay. Hey, I haven't got the key. What? I just remembered I left it in the garage. And with the garage is locked. So what? You got the garage key? No, I haven't. I left it in the house. Like a vacation. What do you mean? We're stranded. We couldn't get home if we wanted to. The Great Gilders Leave will be back in just a minute. Remember the saying, a picture is worth 10,000 words? Well, if I may, I'd like to change that a little and say, a taste is worth 10,000 words. For example, you can learn more by tasting miracle whip salad dressing than I can tell you in thousands of words. Oh, I can tell you miracle whip has a lively, teasing, delicious flavor. But I still can't quite make you understand how good it is. The best thing to do is taste it for yourself. Miracle whip has a simply wonderful flavor. It's a delightfully peppy flavor. Millions of folks call just exactly right. And it's a flavor you won't find in any other salad dressing because miracle whip is made from a secret craft recipe combining the best qualities of old fashioned boil dressing and fine mayonnaise. And miracle whip has just the right texture too. Creamy, thick and perfectly luxuriously smooth because it's blended carefully a special craft way. It's really not surprising at all that miracle whip has become the most popular salad dressing ever created. Actually, outselling the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combines. Enjoy miracle whip on your elegant salad masterpieces and see what wonderful things it does for your simpler salads too. Get a jar of the one and only miracle whip salad dressing from your grocer today. Just be sure you see the name on the jar you buy, Miracle Whip Made by Craft. The Great Gelder Sleeve is a man who likes the comforts of home. He was quite proud of himself when he sold Leroy on the idea of spending their vacation in the backyard instead of the mountain. Now that Leroy has discovered they're locked out of the house, he's beginning to enjoy it. This is great. This is really rough on me. Well, I wish we had the key to the house in case that phone rings again. Now let's forget it. We've got everything here we need. Sleeping bags, camp and equipment, food. Hey, what about that steak we're having for dinner? It's right here, my boy. I'll salt and pepper it while you start the fire in the barbecue. You're the boy scout, you know. You know how I'm going to start the fire? Oh, rub two sticks together? No, rub two matches together. Yes, yes. By the time the cold gets red hot, it'll be just about sundown. Yep, fine time to eat. Feel the heft of this porterhouse. Yeah. It must weigh over three pounds. Oh, boy, this is living, huh? Well, it beats the mountains. I remember one year up in Yellowstone when I was cooking a steak on a campfire. Yeah? Before I knew it, I was encircled by bears, looking at me with hungry eyes. No kidding. When I wasn't looking, one grabbed my steak and ran into the woods. Why didn't you follow him to his den and take the steak away from him? Me? Leroy, Yellowstone Park is a federal game preserve. You don't molest the bears. But that's the beauty of cooking in our own backyard. We don't have any such problems here. Oops, what's that? It's okay. I'm just that big dog from down the street. Oh. Said he's eyeing our steak. He looks hungry. That dog's always hungry. Dog, this steak is for Leroy and me. Go away. It just makes him more realistic, huh? We can pretend he's a wolf being held at bay by our campfire. Well, that doesn't take much pretending. Yeah, babe. Where are you? That's the judge. Oh, great. You're on rapper's steak. You not only attract dogs, but old goats. Oh, there you are. Yeah, here we are. Well, well, what a cozy little camp. A dog and everything. King, huh, judge? Yes, indeed. Spending your vacation in your backyard is a novel idea to say the least. We're not in our backyard. No, judge. We're pretending we're up in the mountains. Oh. There goes my telephone again. Well, why don't you run in and answer it? We can't. We're on vacation, aren't we, York? Well, yes. We can't get in the house anyway. Leroy locked the key in the garage. Yeah. Well, why don't you open the garage? We can't. I'll lock the garage key in the house. Darn phone. Wonder who it is. Must be an important call. What? You don't know anybody who's important? Judge. Except me. Boris, why did you come over? I just came over to see how my portable barbecue is working. My, what a beautiful steak. Judge, how do you know when the barbecue is working? Well, Leroy, to tell that, I usually have to take a bite of the steak. Judge, stop eyeing the steak. There's only enough for two. Gildy, I'm not inviting myself to dinner. Hand me the fork, and I'll put the steak on the grill. Okay. Get away, dog. Judge, the coals aren't ready. Well, I'll start it on the edge of the grill. If I'm going to have steak with you, I have to hustle. Yeah, I knew it. Judge, give me that fork. Careful, Gildy. You'll drop the steak. Judge, give it to me. Oh, Bob, you can't. You dropped it. No. Come back. Give me that. Josh, let him go. Come back here, Josh. You, Gildy, there goes our dinner. Look, Conn found a judge of your so anxious to help. Here, open this can of beans. No, thank you. If you're feeding me beans, I can see that you don't want me to stay. I'm going down to the grill. Well, I, George, I have a notion to go with you. Oh, you can. You're up in the mountains on vacation. Yeah. The beans weren't bad. No. Hope they taste as good fried for breakfast. Yeah. Anyway, this beats being up in the mountains. We'd be arriving about now. Tired, hungry. We'd go outside the cool off and the mosquitoes would pounce on us. I guess you were right, Doc. You bet. Oh, this is it. Quiet and still. Handed anything but the crickets. What's that? It isn't a cricket unless it's jet propelled. That's a mosquito. There's a mosquito. Did you get a monkey? Nobody got me. Right on the ear. There he is again. I thought you said we wouldn't be bothered by insects. No, we rise. Oop, take that. Leroy, I know how to get rid of that mosquito. You better think of something before you slap yourself silly. Beat the fire down, Leroy. We'll have some smoke. Okay. Mosquitoes don't like smoke. You're a cigar. Leroy. I'm kidding, Doc. Yeah, that should do it. Yeah, let's get it all right. Put out the fire. I didn't think of that. Gosh, what a vacation. No campfire, nothing to eat but beans. I don't see how we're better off than we'd be in the mountains. No, my boy, don't lose heart. Let's enjoy ourselves. You show me how. Well, let's just sit around the Spoldering Embers. We can sing a song. That's what everybody does when they're rustigating. We're rustin' all right. No, no. What would you like to sing? Now we're stuck here in the yard. How about the prisoner's song? Leroy, join in. We'll sing Home on the Range. Okay. There's a darn phone again. Go ahead, Uncle. Let's drown it out. Well, we'll try. Oh, give me a home where the buffalo... Mosquito lumps all over me and the dogs run up with their steak. Leroy, why did you talk me into this? Let's make the best of it. Help me crawl into PD's sleeping bag. Okay, but it's gonna be a snug fit. You know, I think I can make it to... draw up my knees. Yeah. Okay, I can pull up the zipper. Wait a minute, Leroy. It's cold out here at night. I'd better put my arms inside. Okay. Zip. Right up to my chin. What? What's so funny? Let's try to get some sleep. Yeah. I don't think it'll rain. You don't? You've got a big drop right in the eye. Think of my hands out to wipe it. You know, this is gonna be key. It's stressful, right in my face. How do you move in a sleeping bag? Warm. Leroy, unzip the zipper. My arms are inside. Won't work? It has to work. Try again. Water's coming in around my neck. A bag full of water before I know it. Oh my goodness. Just look at that lightning. Maybe it'll strike and melt the zipper. I hear it. By George, that does it. I'm going inside. Well, Leroy, have you got your boy scout nice? Sure. We'll cut some holes in the bottom of the sleeping bag so I can stick my feet out. Okay. I can cut the holes if you can fix it with Mr. Peavey. What the heck with Peavey? I'm getting into the house. Stick a foot through. I know. Help me in my feet, my boy. Hurry, hurry. What's your hurry? The bone stopped ringing. It's still raining. Come on, break the window. Break the window? The window, Leroy. Push it up. I'll roll in. Give me a push, Leroy. Sure. I would land right in my head. I guess so. Should've cut holes in the sleeping bag for my hands. Found to be an important call. Do you want me to take a message, John? No. Just hold the receiver to my ear. Go ahead. Hello? Peavey. I almost broke my neck getting into the house. I thought this was an important call. Well, it is. I've been trying to call you all day. You're the one who's been phoning? I'll get into that sleeping bag. We'll be with us again in just 30 seconds. There's a secret to making delicious chicken salad. There's a secret to making delicious chicken salad. And that secret is in the jar marked Miracle Whip Salad Dressing at your grocers. The wonderful flavor of Miracle Whip, its lively, teasing flavor, the flavor that no other salad dressing has, is what gives chicken salad or any other salad made with Miracle Whip, its unusual goodness. Get a jar of Miracle Whip salad dressing tomorrow, and see if you don't agree with the millions who call Miracle Whip their favorite salad dressing. Pee-pee. Fine time to tell me the zipper sticks. You see, Uncle, if we'd gone up to the mountains, this wouldn't have happened. Well, it's too late to think about that now. What am I going to do with this pool sleeping bag? Looks like you're going to have to wear it. All right, George, I'm going to get out of this thing somehow. Well, you could quit eating. When you get thin enough, you can crawl out of the hole where your neck is. Oh, my goodness. Leroy, you're being no help. I'm sorry. My goodness, Leroy, you're being no help. Get the oil can. Lubricate the zipper. Uncle, if I get you out, can we go to the mountains for a couple of days? Just get the oil can. Can we ask if I get you out? Leroy, get the oil can. You didn't answer my question. All right, all right. If you can open this bag, I'll take you to the mountain. You will, oh boy, get your chin out of the way. Hey, what happened? You'd open. It was played by Willard Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Mandy White in this partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Earl Ross, and Dick Legrand. Musical compositions by Jack Meakin. This is John Easton saying good night for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday throughout the summer months for the further adventures of The Great Gilded Sleeve. Delicious. That's the sandwich you make with Miracle Sandwich Spread. Miracle Sandwich Spread has a wonderful tang, a flavor that'll make your sandwiches taste better than ever. Kraft makes this sandwich spread from America's favorite salad dressing, Miracle Whip, and delightful spicy relishes. Use Miracle Sandwich Spread along with the Mead or Cheese sandwich filling you like best. Or for the quickest, easiest, thriftiest sandwich you could want, use it alone between slices of bread. Tomorrow, get Miracle Sandwich Spread. Hear the best of Groucho on NBC.