 show! Yeah! As Honest Harold, the homemaker. Well, it's the end of another day in Melrose Springs, and its good citizens are wending their way homeward from work. And chugging home in his 36 Essex is the town's most popular radio entertainer, Honest Harold. Well, it'd be kind of nice to get home. Think I'll just stay in with mother tonight. Maybe I can finish that new book I've been reading, The Egg and I. See, that reminds me, I'm supposed to stop at the market and get a dozen eggs. I can just find a place to park. Oh, there's a place right up there. I'll hurry up and pull in before somebody else, oop, there's another car trying to beat me to it. Just a moment there, I saw this place first. Still backing up. I'll show him, I'll get in there before he does. Hey, look out! What's the matter with you up there? Where's that, Sonny? Oh, man, Walker in his 33 Rio. He's the most irritating. What's the trouble? Would you mind moving ahead, Mr. Walker? I saw this parking place first. Like you say. They're in talk to him. Lucky my headlight didn't fall off like it usually does. Mr. Walker? Oh, howdy, Sonny. What's going on back there? I thought I felt something. Naturally you felt something you backed into me. I did? Yes. Oh, I thought it was funny when my tune to back a jump right out of the glove compartment. Oh, my goodness, and look at my car back there. You put a dent in it. Let's see. I put a dent in that car? How can you tell? You better get that heap off the streets, Sonny, tonight's can night. That car isn't so old. It's a late 36. I say. I said 36. If you can get 36 bucks for that jalopy, you better take it. Well, I'm in a hurry. Are you going to let me in that parking space? Sure. I don't want the parking space. What? I was just practicing backing up. You scared my headlight off. I say. Nothing. Goodbye. That third piece kind of filled me up. Oh, dinner. Thank you, Son. Harold. Yes, Mother. There's something I ought to tell you. Oh, what's that? Well, oh, you'll think I'm silly. Mother? What is it? A gentleman is calling on me tonight. What? Well, Mother. A gentleman caller. Well, I think that's wonderful. Where'd you meet him? Oh, I get around. Oh, my goodness. Who is this gay, Lothario? Oh, he's my leading man. What? Yes, we're going to be in a play together. Our old folks group is giving it, you know, the sunny side of 70 Club. Oh, yeah. Well, that's kind of cute. What's the play called, Mother? The name of it is Penelope from Port Tuckett. And I play Penelope. I'm in love with the captain of a whaling boat, Roby Dick. Oh, look out, Yonder, out the window. Is that a ship out there? Looks like the can box to me. Roby Dick, you've come back. You've come back acting Harold. Glad you told me, Mother. Captain and I have a very romantic scene. We hold hands and watch the sun set together. Mother, you sound like you're taking that part kind of seriously. Well, my leading man is rather charming. Oh, who is he? Well, his name is, oh, there he is. Will you let him in, Harold? I want to put on my butterfly brooch. I'll be right here. Yeah. Mother's pretty cute, all right, primping up like that. New friend must be quite a chic. Wonder who he is. Well, hello, sonny. Zeef. Mr. Walker, don't tell me you're Mother's leading man. Sure am, Captain Roby Dick. Haul out the fish and that's man. I see a mackerel. That's you, sonny. Oh, brother. Well, nice place you got here. Glad you like it. Since your Mother and I are in this play together, I guess you'll be seeing a lot of me. That's ducky. I said I'm very lucky. Yeah, I guess you are. Good evening, Mr. Walker. Well, hello, Mrs. Hamp. You're looking lovely this evening. Oh, thank you. Oh, Harold, have you met Mr. Walker? Oh, yes, Mother. We bumped into each other down time. Yeah, very good. Yeah, thank you very much. Oh, Penelope. Yes, Captain Roby Dick. I brought you a little something, a bag of peanut and brittle. Oh, that was sweet of you. Oh, it wasn't much. It certainly wasn't. Sit down, Mr. Walker. Well, thank you, ma'am. Taking my easy chair. It's a wonder he doesn't smoke my cigars, too. See, you got some cigars here. Might have smoked one. Oh, no. Right ahead. Take two. They're small. Thanks. Yeah, I'll take one for the road. I wish you'd take the road. Well, I have the script. Shall we start to rehearse, Mr. Walker? Okay, Penelope. Shall we do the romantic part first? Sounds like Earl Flynn at 90. Um, sonny. Eh? What? Isn't it getting past your bedtime? You usually stay up till nine o'clock. Well, okay. Stick around. You'll see some real acting. Chautauqua style. Yeah, oh. There's a storm of ruin tonight batting down the hatches, man. Think they'll hear me in the last row? I think they'll hear you in Charlieville. Oh, heavens to fish hooks. My sweet Penelope waits for me, and here I am miles out to sea. This is terrible. This is where I leave the boat. Oh, be dick. All people mother had to be in a play with him. It'd be awful if she got to like that laughing hyena. Well, that's ridiculous, of course. As long as I'm on the loose tonight, though, I might as well drop in on the Dancing Academy and see Theodora. Yeah. Hope my little dancing teacher is in. Ooh. Door chimes need tuning. Who is it? It's Haroldie, Haroldie. Oh, goody woody. Gee, we play cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, Harold. Hello, Theodora. I thought you were going to stay home and read a book tonight. Well... I know. You just couldn't stay away from your little sea, oh. Well, could be, oh. Besides, it was a little crowded in our parlor this evening. Mother's rehearsing a play with old Mr. Walker. Oh, isn't that cute? Well, yes. Kind of a romantic play, so it made me think of you. Oh. What shall we do tonight, teddy bear? Teddy bear. I guess it's a little late to go bowling or go to the movies. Looks like we'll just have to stay here and sit on the sofa. Yeah. Too bad. Well, shall we sit down? All righty. Theodora. Hmm. Mind if I turn the lamp down a little? Turn the lamp down? There. I'm the man who came to dimmer. Had that written on my cuff. Sorry, the laundry didn't get it now. But this is nice, isn't it? Two of us sitting here on the sofa, looking into each other's eyes. Guess this is what people used to do before they had television sets. Shall I get a little music on the radio? Sure. What the heck? See, that's pretty. I love Guy Lombardo. I kiss your hand, madame. Your dainty fingertip. And while in slumber, I kiss your hand. I think you deserve a kiss for singing that song. Well, I'm waiting. Here. I think I'll sing another chorus. I think I'd better turn off the radio. There goes Guy Lombardo. Love is wonderful, isn't it? Yes, it is. Harold? Yeah. I was just thinking of something. What's that? Well, I was thinking about your mother and Mr. Walker. Wouldn't it be wonderful if they fell in love and got married? Married? But Theodora, they hardly know each other. Well, it could be love at first sight. Not at first sight of Mr. Walker. Sometimes when people are in a play together, they get very romantic. Oh? Oh, wouldn't it be cute if you went home and found out they were engaged? Engaged? Oh, no. And just think some day Mr. Walker might be my father-in-law. Your father-in-law? Hey, that makes him my father. See you later, Theodora. Where are you going, Harold? I'm going home to mother before she marries father. I mean... Theodora could be right. Mother did blush a little when he handed her the peanut brittle. Yeah, I suppose mother did marry Mr. Walker. I'd have to call him daddy. No, sir. I'd run away from home first. I'd get a job stacking soap chips at the laundromat. I wouldn't have him... Hello, Harold! Oh, hello, Doc. Howdy, boys. Well, Pete, what are you two doing around here? Oh, we just dropped by your house, Harold. Yeah, but you wasn't there. No kidding. We saw a friend of yours in the parlor, Harold. Yeah, Mr. Walker. He's an awful sweet fella. He gave us both the cigar. Oh, that was real nice of him. Harold, Harold, you should have seen him and your mother. They look so cute sitting there on the sofa. Yeah. They were rehearsing a scene from the play. I guess it was kind of romantic. They was holding hands. Oop. You know, it kind of reminded me of that Shakespeare play where Romeo took Juliet into a restaurant. What? Yeah. You know, Romeo'd, what, Juliet? Mmm. Is that a new thing? Yeah, it certainly is. You know, Harold, you know, it looks to me like your mother and Mr. Walker kind of stuck on each other. What? Yes, I do declare one of these days you're liable to hear a radio news flash about that romance. Now, Pete. Scoop, my first exclusive. What mother of what young crooner will soon middle-islet with what man about town? Foulas, cut it out. Now, you're exaggerating this thing. You're not going to, they're not going to get married. Well, I think it'd be real nice, Harold. A grown boy like you needs your father. I do not. If you do, he'd tuck you in bed at night and tell you the story of the three bears. Foulas. He might even sing you to sleep. Climb upon my knee, sunny boy. Though you're only three, sunny boy. This is what killed Vaudeville. Where's Mr. Walker? Oh, he left Harold. He did? He left early. That's a good sign. I'm just clearing away the cobalt cup. Look at mother. What am I worried about? She's too sensible to fall for a character like Mr. Walker. Sure. And I thought she might want to marry him. Ridiculous. It'd be so nice to have a man around the house. So nice. Mother. It's so nice to have a man around the house. Mother, don't sing that. One who'd hold my hand a little and who'd bring me peanut brittle. Really? Just call me sunny boy. And for the second act of our story, honest Harold in just a moment. Who was the faster fellow pitching the woo? The blade of the gay nighties or the man of today? Bing Crosby and his guest, Judy Garland, have a merry debate with gags and songs to illustrate their points on tonight's CBS Bing Crosby Show. Be listening for this laughable tuneful session, Judy Garland as Bing Crosby's guest on most of these same CBS stations tonight. And now, back to Harold Perry as honest Harold the homemaker. Harold is spending a sleepless night. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees his mother married to the irritating Mr. Walker. And this is a nightmare to Harold. It's two o'clock in the morning now and we find Harold fluffing around on his bed like a tortured dolphin. Over on my stomach, feet are cold. My booty's slipped off again. I have to get to sleep and forget all about Mr. Walker. Just close my eyes and count sheep. One little sheep, two little sheep, three little oop, that one looked like Mr. Walker. God, how long is this going on? I am getting a little drowsy. I think I'm going to make it this time. Good night, Harold. Sleep tight. Well, look at my little sunny boy tucked away in bed. Leif, what's your fault? One daddy to tell you bedtime story, sunny. Erkel, bugle. Once you're full of time, there are three bears. Go away, Walker. Go away. Anyway, I know that story. Oh, she's fine. How's Mr. Walker? Oh, see you here, Gloria. When's the wedding? What? Yeah, just because they got a little crush on each other doesn't mean that they're going to get married. After all, mother's past the impulsive age. Well, people are never too old to fall in love, Harold. I knew a couple, well, they're both 85, and they fell in love at first sight. They did? Yes. 15 minutes after they met, they became engaged. Engaged? You mean he gave her a ring? No, he gave her his Townsend button. Engaged very long. Oh, they didn't? No, two days later they eloped. You say they were 85? Yes. Gosh, I'd better watch mother, Gloria. She's only 63. No telling what a kid like that'll do. Mind coming home for lunch. I kind of keep an eye on mother and see what she's up to. A fine thing, playing detective with my own mother. Mother, I'm home. Coming home for lunch? Well, I just thought I'd sneak. I mean, come home, surprise you. Oh, that's nice. How are things, mother? Read any good books lately? What? I mean, what have you been doing all morning? Oh, a little dab here, a little dab there, and a rubber-dub-dub in the tub. Didn't find out much there. Oh, I did get a phone call from Mr. Walker. You did? Yes, and we had an awfully nice talk. And what did you talk about? About 20 minutes. Mother's pretty cagey, all right. There she goes again. I think that's what she's singing. Mother, if there's anything you want to tell me, mother, don't be afraid. I'll understand. Well, I do have something to confess, Harold. You do? Here it comes. Yes, when I was sweeping under your bed this morning, I broke a wing off your model airplane. Oh, that's all right, mother, just an old P-36. And I thought they were going to lope. Mother, how about lunch? All right, son, I'll fix it right away. And then I have a busy afternoon ahead of me. Oh, is that so? Yes, I have to pack my suitcase. Huh? I told Mr. Walker I'd be all ready when he comes by for me. If? And, uh, oh, Harold. Is that old ladder still out in the garage? What? We want to use it tonight. Zoof? Well, I'll get your lunch now. Never mind, mother. I think I'll just take a hot bath instead. Pete and Doc, I want to thank you, fellas, for coming to this meeting. I certainly appreciate it. Oh, it's all right, boy. I was right here in my office, anyhow. Well, I was glad to do it, Harold. Thanks. Yes, sir. When I got your phone call at the dog clinic, I said to myself, my old friend needs me. So I dropped my flea powder and rushed right over. Certainly very nice of you, Doc. Sir, when a man's drowning and going down for the third time, who's there with a life preserver? Old, darky auntie. Yeah, all right, Doc. Now, the reason I called you, fellas, together is, well, it looks like my mother and Mr. Walker are going to a loop tonight. Well, congratulations, eh? And my congratulations to you, boy. Well, fellas, you don't understand. I want your help. Okay, boy. I'll hold the ladder. Stop the clowning. This is serious. You're only kidding, Harold. Fellas, I wouldn't mind my mother getting married, but Charlie Walker. Imagine hearing that laugh around the house all the time. I've got to stop mother from rushing into this. She'd make an awful mistake. I just thought you fellas could help me figure out some way to stop them from eloping. And now, let me see. Man, I got it. I know how we can stop the eloping. You do? How, Doc? Yes, sir. Darky auntie's come through again. What is it, Doc? Oh, Darky auntie, you're so clever. Will you stop taking bows and tell us your idea? Well, the thing to do in a case like this is to sabotage the getaway car. How's that, boy? Hey. Now, when Walker parks in front of Harold's house tonight, we'll just cross a few of his wires on his car and he won't be able to get away at all. Say, that'll fix his magneto. That's a great idea, Doc. Oh, it wasn't much. All I did was save the day. That's all. You certainly did, Doc. We'll sneak over to my house as soon as it's dark, fellas. Honest Harold has just begun to fight. Mother shall not elope tonight. My house, fellas. It's nice and dark, too. Nobody can see us. In fact, I can't even see you. Fellas, are you still with me? I'm right here, Harold. Where's Pete? Pete? Boo! Walker will hear us out here. Is his car here, Harold? Yeah, there it is. Parked in my driveway. Just like he owned the place already. There's the ladder against the house, like I told you at Mother's window. Well, we better get to work on the car before they come down. Yeah, okay, Doc. Sure, fellas. I'm starting to feel kind of sentimental about this loathing. I think I'll just tie my shoes on the bumper and leave. Pete? Go on, Doc. I'll pull up the hood, Doc, and be quiet. All right. Yes, sir, it's a good thing I thought of this idea. Whenever you're in trouble, Harold, you just come to me. I'll pull up the hood. Guys can't even see the motor. Pretty old car, maybe he hasn't got one. Guess we'll just have to feel around here. Yeah, well, hurry up. That'll be coming down the ladder in a minute. See if you can pull a wire loose. I'm falling on something. It feels like fan belt. Pete, you're pulling my tie. I beg your pardon, boys. See, I got hold of a wire. I loosened up a little. It came out altogether. You won't even run now. Yeah, we better make sure. Let me see what I can do. Here's something. What do you know? I just got me a carburetor. It sure is. Well, what the heck? I might as well get in on this, too. Feel around in here. I got something. Look what I got, fellas. The fuel pump. Cheap material here. You sure hit the jackpot, boy. Here, hold it, Doc. I'll see what else I can find. Haven't had so much fun since Halloween. Why, Harold, is that you out there? Oh, hello, Mother. How's you doing, Sonny? I'm stopping you from eloping with my mother, Mr. Walker. Why, Harold? What ever gave you that idea? We're not eloping. We're just going to a rehearsal of our play. You're not eloping? But what about the suitcase, Mother? And the ladder? Oh, I'm just using them for props. Props? That's theatrical language, Sonny. But... Well, we better get started, Penelope. Harold, better tell them about the car, boy. Mr. Walker, I'm afraid you won't be able to go in this car of yours tonight. That ain't my car, Sonny. It's your car. Mine's out there in the street. I had to back yours out of the garage to get the ladder. If you boys will excuse us, Mr. Walker and I better get started. You're very well, Penelope. Well, see you later, Sonny. Yeah? Here's your carburetor, boy. You better take your fuel pump, too. Thanks. See you later, Harold. Third, the Harold Perry Show, Honest Harold. The supporting players tonight included Jane Morgan, Carly Bayer, Cliff Arquette and Mari Alden, and featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak. Norman MacDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Honest Harold, created by Harold Perry, was written by Gene Stone, Jack Robinson and Dick Powell. As a hot jazz drummer with more than a touch of the ham about him, Fred McMurray will be your star on Suspense, Radio's outstanding theater of thrills tomorrow night. While playing as a member of a group called the Windy City Six, drummer McMurray will be the witness to a cold blooded killing, following which the ham in him struggles with his fear of reprisal. Another fine star, Joseph Cotton, also visits CBS tomorrow evening. Mr. Cotton will star in A Man for the Ages, the hallmark playhouse drama staged in observance of Abraham Lincoln's birthday. CBS invite you to hear Fred McMurray on Suspense, and Joseph Cotton on the playhouse over most of these same stations tomorrow evening. Stay tuned now for the Bing Crosby Show, which follows immediately over most of these same CBS stations. Bob LeMond speaking.