 how the narcissist feels when you're not there just come out to see a few crocodiles at this wetlands park and i got my flight in the morning i am taking off i'm going to be doing a lot more traveling exploring and taking you with me as well you will get to see everything yes i'm going to be doing a lot of traveling starting from tomorrow exploring a new country i've been there before so yes i'm really looking forward to it i'm taking you along with me as well it will be good i'll have a lot more new pictures and videos on my instagram so if you haven't followed me on there yet it is narks by the youtube on instagram but yes under this one how does the narcissist feel when you're not there when they're around you they seem confident they're in charge they're in control they always have to call the shots they always have to tell you what to do but actually the reason why they're so controlling the reason why is because they are actually very insecure and they're trying to find some form of security in controlling you because they can't control themselves they lack discipline but they feel as though if they can control you or someone else then they can control themselves that is how they see it and yes when they do manipulate your emotions it regulates theirs it temporarily distracts them from how they really feel about themselves it's a way for them to dodge the shame but of course when you're not there and they are alone then that shame begins to come up as a result of everything that they did to you and then they start to feel like they're a bad person because yes they know what they did wrong and they understand the effects that it had on you which is why they just can't be alone they always have to have people around them they've always got to have new supply because otherwise they're left alone with their thoughts with their shame with these unhealed traumas these unprocessed emotions which they are left to reflect on and then they feel like they're a bad person they feel like they're no good they're worthless they're insignificant which is quite funny when you think about it because when they come around you how do they make you feel they make you feel like you're nothing they bring up the shame in you because what they're actually doing is they're projecting their shame onto you they're projecting everything they hate about themselves and assigning it to you and when they're doing that they are disowning parts of who they actually are which is why you look at them and it's like they have no sense of self no identity they don't even know who they are they project the bad parts onto you or someone else and then they create this false character based on whatever they think you want to see when that is not something that we should do that is a very bad thing to do because these parts of ourselves that we may not like that we deem to be unattractive or undesirable that we deem to be less than satisfactory these parts of ourselves we must accept them we cannot push them down if you can't change or improve it then you just have to accept it let go of the resistance to it otherwise it will control you and it will dominate every experience in your life which of course is why when you look at the narcissist you can tell that something is constantly consuming them something is constantly playing on their mind and of course that is their shame their feelings of not being good enough which they try to disown onto you but it keeps coming back which is why they can never be alone because they resist it they try to get rid of it and if they can't do that then they run away from you if you bring up their shame they will run away from you but actually what they're really doing is they are running from themselves when they ghost you when they discard you it's because you made them feel some type of way unknowingly you may not have even intended to do that but that is how they made them feel they knew they couldn't get their way with you you weren't going to be this emotional sponge you weren't going to take on their emotions so then they had to get rid of you but yes this is how they feel when you're not there they feel like they're nothing how they feel when you're not there is most likely how you feel when they are there because then they disown these parts of themselves and they project it on to you they try to make you feel that because these thoughts and emotions are constantly playing on their mind and the irony is that these things that they hate about themselves for some of them it may not even be that bad if they would just accept it and then try to change or improve it or even just reframe the way they think about it then they may actually not even be that bad people to be around but that's why it's so difficult for us to even be around them because they don't accept themselves they don't accept what is wrong with them they don't accept their shame and whenever you're around them you already know exactly what is coming you already know they're going to be on you complaining arguing pointing out all of these things wrong with you when if you've watched my videos you should know it has nothing to do with you it's all just these projections because they can't deal with it it's too painful for them when it's a shame because as i said for some of them who they actually are may not even have been that bad and maybe you could have had an okay relationship with them if they just allow their shame to surface and they processed it i'm not saying that means that they could have changed i mean this is something that requires lifelong dedication discipline self control i don't believe that it's something that ever goes away completely as dr ramini said it's like stretching a rubber band you can stretch it as much as you want but it's always going to go back to its original position and i would say that it's also like go into the gym you have to go to the gym often you need to have a good diet you need to get plenty of sleep you need to drink lots of water so that you can stay in shape which is the same thing with these narcissists even if they do develop some level of self-awareness they do need to stay in shape mentally and emotionally and not only that but they need to find alternatives instead of constantly projecting and causing all of this drama they need to find healthy coping strategies that are not harmful to other people because that's only that's really the only way that they're going to be able to maintain it because that's what it is it's it requires maintenance lifelong maintenance in my opinion at least based on what i've researched and experienced but not only that but there needs to be an incentive for them to do that because of course they're not just going to do it for no reason they may have some level of empathy it may be very low but they need to value and appreciate the relationship that they have with you because hopefully that is what will make them loyal and devoted to conquering their disorder doesn't mean that it will completely go away but as long as they can stay on top of it and in a way they need to develop their own kind of triggers something that keeps them in line but if they go too far they recognize your pain and then it stops them so that's really the only way that they could ever do that i'm not saying that it is impossible of course whoever they're with needs to have a lot of patience and self-control as well because it's not just something that can change overnight it does take a lot of dedication but when you're not there yes they will be going through it if they are alone which is why it's probably very rare that they will ever be alone they're always going to have some sort of supply even their own children are often their supply as well so they've always got people there and there's also these communal narcissists they may donate to charities and they're always at these communal groups because that is a source of supply for them as well they're just addicted to people they've always got to have people around them people to prop up this image of them being all-powerful and significant of them being desirable and attractive of them being everything that they want to be everything that they wish they were and of course if you're not going to do that for them if you're not going to see them in the way that they want to be seen i mean first it's going to be the the manipulation the love bombing they want you to see them as desirable or attractive or someone who is just a good person they're kind compassionate helpful if you're not going to see them in that way and you question and confront them or you threaten to expose them then you're going to get this other character where they are all-powerful they're dominant they coerce you they control you and if you don't fall for that and they still can't keep you down then they're just going to ghost you discard you because they need to have that control over their target as i said they're very insecure they need to control you and manipulate your emotions to regulate theirs and if they can't do that then yes they will just get rid of you they will find someone else of course that's why they have all of these tools they've got the denial the projection blame shifting gas light in the double bind all of these things to make you lose your mind so that they have control of you because a lot of you you're that gray day source and it is very difficult for them to find someone else like you you may be highly sensitive you may be an emotional sponge an empath and yes there aren't too many of us around anymore so it is very difficult for them to replace you and if you leave first they will experience abandonment anxiety they may start a smear campaign against you they will try to tear you down in order to to control you so again it's all things to be aware of when you're not there when no one is there narcissists can be extremely dangerous if they don't have anyone anything no support system there is really no telling what they will do they could go from being a covert narcissist to an overt and they could become very aggressive they could lash out at people without supply they are very unpredictable so as I've advised before if you're in contact with them it can be good just to give them a little something don't completely resist them don't completely oppose them because if you do that they will come down on you like a ton of bricks they will seek to destroy you and if it's not you then it they will in some cases they will wait very patiently and then they will find an unsuspecting target and they will take it out on them that is just how it goes with narcissists so to learn from my own mistakes in the past if you're still in contact with them don't completely cut them out or ignore them give them a little something don't completely resist them if you're going to disappear if you're going to go into contact fade out gradually and then things will be much better for you okay I'm going now sorry getting kicked out park's closing hope you enjoy the video please give it a thumbs up down below if it was helpful and as always I will talk to you in another one very soon