 What's going on everyone? I hope you've all been doing well these past two weeks. So for this video I really decided to do it because I've had a lot of people asking me specifically how I coped how I dealt with my HIV AIDS diagnosis. So to start off with many of you know my diagnosis was a complete shock to me. I went to to see a doctor and I had gotten some blood work and some tests done and I went into the doctor's office and she just flat out told me you have HIV and then it just was like a flood of tears just started to come out and she's like, you know what I'm gonna give you 10 minutes do what you got to do cry let it out call someone if you need to tell tell your parents or whatever and Then I'll be back and then we can talk from there. So that was my very first reaction. I just started sobbing uncontrollably by myself and this doctor's office and I called a couple people and Yeah, I didn't really have much time to think at the moment because the doctor came back and then she told me Okay, we're gonna have you come back next week happened to be on my birthday and You're gonna go to the HIV AIDS clinic And don't be alarmed because you're gonna see a lot of sick people a lot of people who don't look well and aren't doing well but don't let that bother you and so at that point, I you know, I went home and I told my who wasn't my boyfriend at the time and now my ex about about it so that he could go get tested too and At the time, I didn't know anything about HIV really. I Literally thought that in two or three years. I was gonna be dead All my friends and everybody knew was gonna have to say bye to me because I was gonna just die. I Had no idea that the medicine was really good and then I didn't have to worry about that at all So I would say for me. I accepted it pretty quickly. I was like, okay This is literally my worst fear in life and it just came true. So what happens now? I can either Crumble up into a little ball and give up and wait to die or I can live my life as best as I possibly can and just say F it I'm gonna do Everything I want to do and be who I want to be and like no holds bar and just take back my life for as long as I can So but of course the following week I've found out from my HIV doctor that the medicine's really good that my life expectancy at that time they were saying is almost as good as someone who doesn't have HIV and For those of you who don't know the story when I went to the HIV clinic this nurse came in He was this huge like six foot something burly guy tattoos piercings really gruff voice look like a big bear and he Pokes his head into the office and he goes hey, you know why you're here, right? And I'm like yeah, I have HIV and he goes you got way more than that dude. You got full-blown AIDS and I was just like Whoa Okay, so like I came to terms with the fact that I HIV but now I have full-blown AIDS like what the on my birthday to I Came to terms to grips with that pretty quickly because I don't know. I just accepted it I don't know why but I just decided I was gonna move forward and that's it But so let me I want to tell you about the next year of my life because this is where I did a lot of inner work So within I would say I want to say like nine months after my diagnosis I went to trampoline park with a bunch of my friends within the first 15 minutes of being there I was doing front flips. I don't know how I was just like, you know trying to do it I'm be cool So I landed it and I did it again and I was like well, you know, that was kind of like rough Let me try it again second try. I landed it But it was like it still wasn't clean. So I was like this third try. I'm gonna land this front flip I'm gonna go so hard. It's gonna look so good. So I like did a huge jump unfortunately, I jumped across the trampoline To the other end. I still landed on the trampoline, but on the very ends where the springs are That's where the trampoline doesn't give as much as the middle. And so when I came down really hard my body Compacted to the point where it wouldn't go any further until my my right ankle just literally popped three times Gave out my body squished together and I was I just knew it was broken. After that I Was bedridden. I had a cast that was made out of ceramic from my toes all the way up to my mid thigh It was heavy and I couldn't couldn't do anything. I couldn't work I was out of work for about five months My I didn't have money. I couldn't I couldn't pay my own bills I was completely dependent on my ex-boyfriend at the time So the bank took my car back I was in debt and bills were not getting paid. So as you guys can tell The way I handle a lot of things is I'm very open and transparent about it And I talk about it and share it with people so So the first people I told that I had my diagnosis was my parents and my sister I told my co-workers So I immediately created this community of people who cared who knew and were there to support me In whatever way that they could so I think that was like a really important factor I know a lot of you guys don't feel like there's anyone in your life you can tell But there are people you can talk to online if you need to have some sort of connection or share that with somebody also, I realized fairly early on that The virus HIV does not define who I am. It does not Make me less of a person. It doesn't mean I'm dirty It's it doesn't define you. It's not a part of your personality. It doesn't Determine your value or your worth as a human being So please if those thoughts are running in your head Don't try to necessarily stuff them down or push them away because that won't work But override those thoughts by start affirming to yourself that you are Worthy of love that you are a whole human being that you are a clean beautiful creature of God So here I am stuck in bed Ceramic cast from my toes to my thigh and I'm like what am I gonna do now? What do I do? So I'm like I can start reading books. I can start listening to audio Tapes and stuff like that. Well as luck would have it Yeah, I was watching Oprah a lot because she had a lot. She just I mean she's Oprah. What else am I gonna say? But at the time she was starting a 21 day meditation Challenge with Deepak Chopra, which she's done so many times since then but it's free. So I'm like this is great So for 21 days every single day, there's a new meditation that you do that Deepak Chopra Guides you through super cool also The secret was a thing at that time and if you don't know what that is It's this film that came out and it's about the law of attraction and how Like energy attracts like energy. So if you're trying to attract something in your life, you need to be Vibrating at that frequency. If you want health, you got to be thinking as someone who is healthy, healthy minded healthy in emotions, healthy in feeling, just vibrating health in your life and Taking action that welcomes health into your life. One of the books that I read By Louise Hay herself. She's the she's the founder of Hay House How you can heal your life And it's exactly about that. It's about the power of the mind And it's interesting because I think if I'm not mistaken that she was inspired to write this during the AIDS epidemic, the AIDS crisis. So it was really poignant and Really helpful. Also another one by Greg Braden who I really liked at the time the spontaneous healing of belief Then there's there's another film too. I believe but I had the book also It's called what the bleep do we know and it's related to like science and spirituality And what do we really know about the universe and what we're capable of? Another thing that I worked on is called the artist way. So it's it's kind of intense because you really dig deep there's exercises that you do and You go an artist's date with yourself every week you do a lot of writing a lot of A lot of different exercises. It's really cool Yeah, so those are just a few of the books that I was going through at the time I know a lot of you guys suffer from anxiety a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. That's something that I'm Very familiar with too. I know how it is. It sucks And it mostly happens for me at night when I'm getting ready to go to bed And I'm lying down and it feels like there's no air in the room and the walls are closing in Can't breathe there's pressure on my chest and then the adrenaline just starts to go through your whole body So there are a lot of things that I did to help me with that one of the things I did was affirmations I did a lot of affirmations to myself whether it was in my head or out loud sometimes I would have anxiety lying in bed and I would Think of something that I could say that was reassuring to myself that would counter whatever negative Belief I had in my head at the time so Sometimes I just felt like a complete victim and completely at a loss for control And I and I I was just at the whim and mercy of life And I was just being shot on by everything and everything sucked So I had to sit there and be like I am the leader of my own life. I am in control I have the power and the leader of my own life. I have the power I am in control and I would say that to myself and then I would just feel My body starts to relax and the anxiety go down So depending on your situation or what it is that you're having anxiety about you can start to be a little creative About coming up with some affirmations to help you with that And I don't know what you guys beliefs are or what if you believe in God if you believe in a higher power And so yeah, I'll pray and that helps a lot a lot of times just to pray Or if you're not comfortable with praying meditating. I did a lot of meditating as well Whether you're listening to a track or Whether it's just mindful breathing Slow breathing in and out or imagining like a white light entering your body another practice that I did was Creating a vision board. I got one of those thick white boards and I just got a bunch of magazines and Printed pictures up from online of things that I aspire to goals Things that I wanted to emulate or be like in my life And I just put on a vision board and I put that on my wall And so every day I would see it on my wall and I would just really visualize and see What it is that I what I care about what I value and Where I want to head in my future then I wrote down goals I wrote short-term goals like in the next three to six months and then I wrote long-term goals like a year or five years or ten years and I'd have those written down and Those would also ground me and give me a sense of purpose and a direction another piece of advice that my good friend Jen gave me recently is When you're going through a difficult time like that Sometimes it helps to Get out of your normal routine and to just start saying yes to new experiences if People invite you to go do something or if there's an opportunity to to join a group or an activity or something That's out of your normal Like life routine start doing new fresh things so you can start to create new experiences and be open to the possibilities that the universe It might be sending your way One piece of advice that my Jewish friend told me is that in his community What they do for grieving is they allow themselves to have two weeks of Grieving however you need to do that however you need to be or act to get it out of your system You've got two weeks, but once those two weeks are over. It's done. It's over. It's time to move on That doesn't mean that you're healed. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean that it's easy but if there's something about giving yourself a limited amount of time to just kind of Grieve and then to know that there's gonna be an end to it and it's set and then you're gonna move on with Your life if you find that you have a problem with dwelling Maybe giving yourself a set amount of time to just allow yourself to grieve allow yourself to feel to cry To get angry whatever it is you you need to feel and then know that when that time is up you're gonna Pick yourself up Get your shit together and move on with your life all in all the point of all these Ideas and practices that I'm sharing with you that I've incorporated into my own life to help me get through my HIV AIDS diagnosis and many other things in my life is You're just immersing yourself essentially in self-love. That's like the most important thing you can do is Allow yourself to feel allow yourself to be don't judge yourself. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't be critical and Then love yourself Teach yourself be a child and just be a sponge and absorb new good positive energy and thoughts and ideas and Really just open yourself up to the future Possibilities and good that life literally has waiting for you around the next freaking corner If you just keep going if you just take the next step if you just keep your chin up and be hopeful It's life's gonna open up for you So That's all I got for you Have heart be hopeful. There's so much good. There's so much to be thankful for that's another one. I forgot almost a Gratitude journal, why did I almost forget that a gratitude journal every single morning when I woke up I had a journal by my bed I'd open it up write the date and write 10 things that I was grateful for you I don't want to write the same exact things every day. That's not the point But you want to come up with 10 fresh things that you're grateful for every single day Why because it puts your mind in the perspective that there's so much good in your life And so many things that you have to be grateful for that it changes your perspective and you stop Thinking about how you're a victim and how life sucks for you and you start thinking about how good life is So, yeah I'm glad I didn't forget that that what it sucks. That's a really good one If you like this video like Subscribe if you haven't already hit the bell if you want to get updated whenever I post a new video and we're a community, right? So I want you guys if you are comfortable enough to share how you dealt with your HIV diagnosis How you deal how you cope or even if you don't have HIV How do you deal with difficult situations where you're grieving and you're down and you're depressed or angry or whatever it may be? Share in the comments below. What are some tools tips tricks advice for back situation? All right. Thank you so much for saying tune. I will have much more content coming for you soon. All right. Cheers. Bye guys