 Join me and my roommates, Dr. Ed, Nurse Natasha, Gary Gray, and Hans the Butler as we talk about all things horror. I guess you're wondering, what the hell is a horror channel doing talking about a kid's movie like Little Monsters? A kid's movie? I thought it was a documentary on Genital Lice! Let me guess, it has something to do with 80's nostalgia bullshit. They don't make them like they used to! No, they don't make them like they used to, and that's what inspired this episode. But first, a little backstory. See, I told ya, nostalgia bullshit! Actually, no, Little Monsters wasn't one of those movies that I had on repeat on the VCR growing up as a kid. I liked the movie and all, but it wasn't one of my favorites growing up. And actually, I totally forgot about it until recently. Is this the one where Fred Savage kidnaps his brother and forces him to play video games? No, actually, that's Wizard. California! And a while back, I actually decided to watch Wizard because I hadn't seen it since the 90's. And I haven't seen a paycheck since the 90's! And do you think Wizard stood the test of time? Not at all, it aged very poorly. Anything with both bridges aged poorly. So, after Wizard falling flat on its ass, I got to wondering, how does the other 1989 movie starring Fred Savage, Little Monsters, hold up? He did two movies and a TV show in one year? Sounds like child slavery to me! I was expecting it to be even worse than Wizard and was I dead wrong? It actually holds up very well. They don't make them like they used to! After the movie, I came away thinking, man, they just don't make kids movies with balls anymore! Kids movies with balls? I don't know what you're watching, but I think it's illegal! Little Monsters is actually kinda fucked up and at times scary and it has some deep depressing subject matter. They don't make them like... Shut up, Hans! So that's why we're talking about Little Monsters. It's a forgotten movie, which is a great example of how children's movies of the 80's seamlessly combined adventure, horror, scares, dark humor and values seamlessly. And at the end, let's ask the question, should they still make movies like this today? YES! For those of you who haven't seen the movie and a recap for us 80's and 90's kids, Little Monsters starts off with the Stevenson family moving into a new neighborhood and a new house. It's a real fuckin' dump! It's a fixer-upper. Our main character, Brian, played by Fred Savage, hasn't made any new friends at school yet, but he has made an enemy of the school bully, Ronnie. A red-headed bully? How cliche! You might also remember Devon Rattray as Buzz and Homerloon! Strange things start happening around the house. Brian's dad finds melted ice cream in the cupboard. He then backs over Brian's bike, which has been mysteriously left behind in the garage. Of course, he blames all this on Brian. He knows Brian was up late watching TV because he left his peanut butter and onion sandwich behind! Yeah! Peanut butter and onion sandwich? What kind of sick fuck would eat that? You know, I've always wondered how that would taste. Hans, whip me up a peanut butter and onion sandwich. Yes, coming right up! And now I will show you how to make a peanut butter and onion sandwich! You put the peanut butter on the bread, then you cut up the onions, and put them on the peanut butter, which is on the bread, and you have yourself a peanut butter and onion sandwich! Thank you. Geez. When heavy on the onions, it's actually not all that bad. Don't expect a kiss-good night from me! Brian's younger brother, Eric, played by Fred Savage's real brother, is convinced that there's a monster under his bed. Eric dares Brian to spend just one night in his bedroom to prove him wrong, and he encounters some serious poltergeist shit. Needless to say, he didn't make it the night and slept on the hide-a-bed. I think he shit his pants. I remember hide-a-beds. I was sleeping on one and Ed folded me up into the couch. My body's never been the same. Now convinced that there is indeed a monster under Eric's bed, Brian devises a plan to trap the monster. He saws the legs off the bed and uses parts from his broken bike to construct a breakaway bed. Every kid in the 80s is a mechanic or a genius inventor. That night, Brian catches the monster and finds out that light actually melts it when his dad opens the door to the bedroom to see what the raucous was. Brian instantly befriends the monster whose name is Maurice. Maurice takes Brian down to the underworld through the portal underneath the bed. They spend the night playing games, breaking shit, and taking portals to other kids' bedrooms and playing pranks on them. It's a monster mash never, never land on steroids. When Brian gets back to the real world, he's faced with some real-world problems. His parents are getting separated. And Maurice is having his own problems in the underworld. Problems is right. I think this guy has Tourette's or something. We are then introduced to Snick, a huge loudmouth, chain-smoking monster who implies that Maurice was actually supposed to lure Brian to the underworld and keep him there so that eventually he'll turn into a monster himself. I always seem to fall for the tall loudmouth type. Maybe because they always have such a big... Buzzer But Brian's already turning into a monster which he finds out when he's exposed to the light and his arm melts. In order to trick Brian back to the underworld, Snick kidnaps his younger brother, Eric, knowing Brian will go after him. And they play Super Mario Bros. 3 in California? California! Brian then gathers up Eric's best friend, his new love interest, and even the school bully to mount a rescue. It's here we encounter the massively creepy head monster known as Boy who's a monster with the boy's face strapped to his head. They couldn't think of a better name for the character than Boy? They become journeyman electricians and rig up these big huge light suits to defeat Boy and rescue Eric. But all the portals home are closing and they're running out of time to find one before they're trapped there and turn into little monsters forever. What? They don't make it back home? Of course they do, but not before Brian and Maurice have a real heartfelt goodbye and then they take the last portal home. A bum's caught on the beach? I guess it's a bed. I've passed out worse places. The movie sounds pretty fun and charming, right? Well, it is, but it's also dark as hell. So let's take a bit of a deeper look. Ooh! I'll go get my endoscope! First thing you'll notice is how creepy the music is right from the opening credits. If you were to judge the movie on that alone, you would assume it was a horror movie. Or a cheap Danny Elfman ripoff! The acting in this movie is fantastic and I totally forgot how good friend Savage was. He's solid. All the kids in this movie are solid and nothing wrecks the movie more than bad child acting. And this is where we make a reference to the Shining Miniseries. I hate that fucking kid! Seeing Daniel Stern in a serious role is really refreshing. He does a great job of playing the hard-ass, tough-loved dad. He also did the voiceover for Fred Savage's older self in the Wonder Years. Let's not forget Howie Mandel's magnificent performance as Maurice! This was probably a lot of kids' first introduction to Canadian comedian Howie Mandel who plays Maurice. This has to be the most obnoxious performance ever! Who's now famous for being a judge on America's Got Talent. He also voiced Gizmo in Gremlins and created and voiced the TV show Bobby's World. Imagine what would happen if you got Robin Williams and Howie Mandel in the same room with the 8-Ball of Coke in the 80s? The Earth would have been plowed into a black hole! Now let's talk about some of the messed-up things in this movie that you just don't see in kids' movies anymore. All the pranks they pull would have given kids some nasty ideas! They paint all over a poor child's face and put saran wrap over the toilet bowl. Heh heh heh heh heh. Brian bans expensive golf clubs over Maurice's head and they put peanut butter all over the receiver of a telephone. Imagine if you pulled that prank today with a cell phone! You'd probably get curb stomped. Maurice uses Q-tips and puts the gooey shit back in the jar. Then they take a piss in a kid's jar of apple juice. Monster piss isn't half as bad as it sounds. All that stuff is beyond harmless pranks. It's funny, yeah, but it's downright cruel. This movie really does encourage anarchy. Maurice and Brian go on a glorious smashing spree. We get the shit. We smash the shit. And then we put the shit back! The movie also suggests that a 12-year-old kid staying up late watching a Playboy channel is an acceptable pastime. These kids have awful party mouths! Back in the day when kids not even in their teens yet would curse multiple times in a movie. They don't drop any of the big ones, but what's an 80s kid's adventure movie without some strategically placed S-bombs? Oh, shit! And let's not forget the big line of the movie. Who puts pits in my apple juice? Eh, eh, classic. And the crass humor doesn't end there. A monster sees Brian with his pants down and proceeds to tell him a 12-year-old kid that he's got a nice ass. If he has a nice tushy, then he has a nice tushy. There's also some morbid moments like when Maurice is melting and begging for help. It's creepy! Snick grabs his kid's head and rips it off and throws it in his basket. Then at the end, Maurice torches Snick with a flamethrower. He let that fucker up like a dried-up Christmas tree! And the final act of this movie gets really creepy thanks to the off-putting performance by Frank Whaley as Boy. Brian's walk-up, these creepy flight of stairs to confront Boy is actually really scary. And not to mention when Boy's face melts, revealing the monster behind the mask, is pretty fucking terrifying. The effects are very, very good. They are essentially 80s horror practical effects. The monster designs of Maurice, Snick and Boy are great and kind of terrifying. But all the other monsters in the underworld... not so great. It just looks like they raided Mr. Dress-Up's tickle trunk. And some of the random shit that comes out of Maurice's mouth is just crazy, like calling a bra an over-the-shoulder boulder holder. If they are as heavy as mine, then that's a good description. Another thing that makes this movie really strange is almost every character is a hothead with a really mean streak. Brian and his dad are constantly bickering and screaming at each other. Brian's parents are fighting behind closed doors. Of course, the bully's a prick. And Maurice is the definition of an asshole. None of these characters should be likeable, but for some reason you do like them because they are relatable and the acting is so realistic. The ending of this movie is sad and depressing. And it doesn't end on a very positive note. Brian has to say goodbye to his best and only friend. It's really sad and Howie Mandel does a great job of dialing back his performance for one moment in the movie where he delivers this really heartfelt goodbye. There's also some seriously dark subject matter in this movie. Right up my alley. This movie deals with loneliness, divorce, bullying and tyranny. And if you want to dig deeper, I think it gets even darker. The underworld could be seen as one big metaphor for addiction. Brian becomes addicted to the underworld and the carefree lifestyle that he can have there. So much so that he begins turning into a monster. The same that anyone else does when they become dependent on drugs, alcohol, gambling or any other vice. If that was me, I would have stayed there. Sounds like a great time. So lastly, let's analyze the name little monsters. But there aren't any little monsters. Exactly. So who are they referring to? It's not Maurice. It's not Snick. It's not boy. They are referring to the nasty kids. Yes, that's my thought. Exactly. The little monsters are the kids. Let's face it. Kids are assholes. All of us at some time in our childhood have been little monsters. But if we're lucky, we smarten up and learn from our mistakes. If we don't, those little monsters turn into big monsters or big assholes. If you stay up all night playing pranks, bullying, smashing stuff and pissing in people's apple juice, you lose focus of what really matters and you don't grow up. This is some serious Peter Pan shit. It's okay to have a Sorian brandy and collapse a black hole every once in a while, but you need to know when to draw the line. So underneath this strange at times frightening, morbid kids monster movie, there's some great morals and real life issues that still matter today. So even though it's a product of its time, it still stands the test of time. I think it's a wonderful little movie. It delivers some laughs and scares and takes us to some real dark places, which is why we're talking about it today. They don't make them like they used to. And I'll leave you guys with this question. Should they still make them like this? Kids movies with violence and cursing that encourages the destruction of personal and public property or are movies like Little Monster's best left to the 80s? Any movie that expands a child's mind is a good thing. If you did not get into Miss Jeff and Adventure as a kid, then you're missing out. And this movie encourages Miss Jeff and Adventure. Fuck yeah. I want to see a kid's movie where they shoot up and smoke crack. They don't make them like they used to, but they don't need to. We can always go back and watch them all the oldies. My thoughts exactly.