 Hello everybody. Welcome back to Esoteric Atlanta. Of course, my name is Bryce and I am joined here with my beautiful friend Angie Tillman Who's also from Georgia and we're actually filming this on a Thursday Even though this is going to air on Friday and today we released our our withheld video We held it back for a while with with you and Eric over the telegram colts And we went through the bite model and we went through the seduced website at the red flags of a high control Organization and I have to say guys we've gotten so many wonderful responses And that was the whole point of us doing this that episode in this episode today. It's It's not necessarily to commiserate, but it's more just be like hey, you know what it's okay Like this shit happens. We've been through it. We've been through narcissistic relationships We've we've gotten caught in high controlled organizations And so we're using ourselves as examples and also talking about kind of the clinical Perspective of this so that you guys know that you're not alone and that there's help out there and it's okay But before that Angie, I have an idea and I was going to wait to tell you this on air So i'm gonna shock you You know those little dances on tiktok people do Yeah You want to do one with me? You know, I can't dance, you know, I was asked to be in dancing with the athin stars And I had to meet like two three times a week with this girl to practice practice practice practice practice because I am so Like I uncoordinated in that way. Um, and then they canceled it. It was from the year 2020 You like thank god Okay, so this I love this song for some reason and I love this dance And I was like I should see if Angie Tillman will do this with me So y'all Oh, we can totally oh, I need to practice girl when I need I need to practice But we need to show them how sexy as southern girls who are born women who are actually born with the uterus Yeah, I was about to say if I got to do it right now. Can I go put on a bra? Because they're kind of you know, just out there right now But you can't really see them because of what I'm wearing but you know, I'm like I do always have a bra on because I got boobs, but there may have been times I've been sitting in my panties without Um, I also want to say something too because this is going to be aired on Friday this saturday Um, July 15th. There is a psychic fair that is happening at um ashton yoga atlanta, but it's done Uh, we rent space to my friend tiffani who runs healing hands rakey Non-profit here in atlanta and they have a psychic fair once a month. And so that's a great I'm trying to talk angie and the comment. I'll be there in the afternoon It's like 20 at the door it goes to the non-profit and they have all sorts of uh rakey practitioner numerologists astrologers akashic record readers mediums hero card readers holistic practitioner Divinators psychic spirit artists. I don't know what that is I guess I'll find out intuitives palmists and crystal healers And so they again my friend tiffani with her non-profit they do this healing hands raking spiritual development They do this once a month They rents she rents. That's how we became friends. She rents space from aya. So there's tiffani So it's all at aya and I have I've been to a few of these before they keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger So it's pretty cool. Um, I can't wait to see who the vendors are on saturday And um, and yeah, so if you're in the atlanta area and you want to come on by for the psychic fair again It's about 20 at the door you can get your tickets pre-hand if you want to or you can pay the door And um, it's a great way to connect with other people in the wacky worlds of spirituality that we all find The true the true great awakening spirituality So anyway, I just wanted to make that say that very quickly Um, and if you if you are somebody who is a spiritualist in the atlanta area And you want to rent a booth for the next psychic fair you can talk to tiffani about that while you are there So I just wanted so that again that's saturday july 15th 2023 that this will be happening at ashtonga yoga atlanta at our actual here's the map right here It's right in inman park Right by croc street tunnel So anyway, oh, yeah, I want to go. I really want to go i'm hoping I I want my daughter to go with me, but I may be there by myself because I don't know what her plans are, you know It's fun. I have to teach so for those who live in marietta are in the atlanta area I will be subbing for my friend cindy who comes on this channel a lot And that cindy she's going to be out of town So i'm going to be teaching her class on saturday and then of course my class on sunday So I will be at aya after I teach my the class and i'm a teaching for her on saturday morning is a 90 minute class So i'll be probably heading out of marietta around noon So i'll probably be at the shala around 12 31 o'clock depending on traffic on 75 If you're not from atlanta, I know that means nothing to you, but if you're from atlanta or the surrounding areas You get it sometimes traffic can be a bitch this this fair city of ours And I also want to make a comment before we get into the the subject at hand for those that were watching solutions by aquarius rising africa on wednesday And saw me get booted. Guess what? I was just telling angie a garbage truck hit a power line And our whole block was without power yesterday. So today being thursday I have been playing catch up today because obviously I could not access my laptop Um, and we had to go we took robby our dog Down to george attack. They have a there's a big fountain at george attack in the and so we let robby go sit in the fountain Because it was so damn hot. I mean it's hotter than saying that's all right now here in south So we had to get robby in somewhere cool because with no power. We have no air conditioning. So Anyway, so if you saw me get kicked off of a with solutions That's what happened is a garbage truck hit a power line for once it wasn't the construction workers It was an actual garbage truck that knocked the whole block out of power. So So yes, all right angie any updates from your side before we get into our topic at hand updates from my side Hmm I don't know. I've just been I've just been getting back into my twitter lately I've been like getting alive on it and just and just kind of like when I have a thought I just like tweet it And I don't care what anybody thinks Great place to be So it's really fun and I'll forget what all I've done. I'll wake up the next morning I'll just go through it. I'm like, oh people liked it and retweeted it and Or people thought it was weird or people Here we go. We find this thing Send me letters in the mail that they typed They even typed my address on it, you know, like Uh-huh, and they say that you want me to read this Yeah, you send me a picture of it, but if you want the three to for the audience go for it girl. Yeah, it's good It's juicy. Hi angie. You don't know me personally But I've become acquainted with you by watching some of your youtube videos I've felt led to write you to warn you of the dangers of the spiritual guides and teachings that you've opened yourself up to There are demonic powers working through these mediums that ultimately have your harm in mind What appears to be benign and captivating on the surface is false and deadly underneath I implore you to go to god Jesus and the holy spirit through the bible alone For guidance and instruction to make you wise unto the salvation of your eternal soul Also, please watch the following youtube video by becket cook entitled yoga isn't what it seems Where he interviews a former practitioner of yoga a hollywood actress by the name of ray derebot Please understand that I write this in the sincerest way possible and not in the spirit of religious hypocrisy I am just a sinner saved by grace through the blood of jesus and nothing that i've earned myself. I'm praying for you First of all that video. She's talking about has been proven to be propaganda That's a propaganda piece set up by the church who is a cult What a good little cult member. She is what a good little cult member I I'm assuming this woman has no idea that the bible has been edited 55 times and that's over 700 books from the bible Are hidden underneath the vatican and that jesus means hell satan and that the real yes She would never was crucified. I'm assuming she doesn't know that that might that might I don't know who it is I got lots of them out there lots of crazies out there, but that's very cold. They have my address Yeah, it's creepy. It's What that is and You know if you're if you need to be saved by somebody else's blood You might be a satanist. You might just be a satanist. That is satanism 101 So, yeah I would say that's projection to obviously this person is very uncomfortable in her own skin And so therefore she's projecting that out onto you Angie your soul is fine No, no god no god creator source would ever turn his back on his own children Just like a parent would never turn their back on their child Source creator would never do that and I really again implore people to read the missing books of the bible It gives you a that's a thing too. That was crazy with the christian cult is that um When I first figured out through studying the missing books of the bible that Yeshua was never crucified that made me very happy like I felt liberated And it was like, oh my god, of course, he was the real god would never demand that kind of torture That's only what satan does Right and so and but it's it's crazy how many people want that blood their blood thirsty So to that person we just say bless your heart, honey. Bless your heart. Bless your heart Bless yours What is my grandmother used to say little old darlin heart? Bless your little old darlin heart. Bless your heart Anyway, we're just fine honey. Angie's just fine and maybe um Pointing one finger at Angie means you got three more pointing back at you sweetheart So maybe you should do some little self-reflecting there on your own But speaking of cults Speaking of abuse which in my opinion angie that letter is a prime example of abuse. That's emotional mental abuse And it's terrifying that somebody sent you a letter Anonymously to your home address. It's terrifying. That's like terrorism in my opinion And I know I'm very sensitive to that now because of all the shit I've been through you do get very sensitive and um You know, I uh, we were going to talk today about another really important tactic of narcissists And of course when we open up the umbrella of narcissism, we're also looking at high controlled organizations Which also follow narcissistic. It's all a playbook. It's all the same thing And so we're going to talk about gas lighting today Which apparently according to dr. Romney that was like the word of the year for like 2020 or something I looked it up. I looked it because I always wanted like, okay. What's the history of it? Like why do they call it gas lighting? Um, and apparently it kind it comes from a movie from 1944 called gas light I've never seen it with ingrid bergman and where I guess the husband is um You know, they had the the the lighting was fueled by gas and if you turn the light on in another room Then the light in the room you were in you could kind of dim. Yeah and um, yeah, and so she was I guess Talking about that and he was telling her like no, no, no, you don't you don't that's not happening That's not happening. It's your imagination. So I guess gas lighting is Making someone question their own Reality and reality. Mm-hmm. Yep. It's um, it's basically that's the thing that's back exactly where it came from it's like You know when you're dealing with like a narcissist, for example You will say well, this is what happened and they'll say no, you're not remembering correctly. They'll deny your reality and over time With that amount of emotional abuse over time It does start to whittle away at your own sanity because you do start to question yourself and that's what then the movie That's what he was doing was making the woman feel crazy another movie as you're saying that Is an old movie with um betty david called hush hush sweet charlotte Same thing was they were doing the same thing to her in that movie. They were mentally making her feel crazy Um, they didn't call it gas lighting then but that is a terrifying movie some of those old movies from back in the back in those days before they had the You know cgi it was all psychological like a lot of hitchcock was psychological and that's far more terrifying then um Then any other form of horror and being with a narcissist being stuck in a narcissistic relationship being stuck in a high controlled Organization or cult is very terrifying And you do have your own sense of reality Ripped from you and part of the healing process is actually realizing that you You were gaslit in a lot of situations. You were not crazy You were purposely being gaslit um And I think sometimes people confuse gaslighting. They think that it's oh someone's just lying. It's not just lying There's like a a more nefarious Manipulation to the lie. Um, I don't know if you want to take it from there Angie with some of your thoughts and well in my own personal world with I've dealt with family narcissistic abuse And you know, there have been times when I've said, you know, oh this happened You know, this person I don't feel comfortable around this person because this person is mean to me and my children And then I would be told well, you know, it takes two to tango. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like well, I wasn't tangoing She's just actually just trying to um fit in but I'm listening we were we were driving back from florida I was listening to a dr. Romney podcast where she talked about the whole concept of high conflict relationships and that she didn't like That term because it's not high conflict. It's just one person is creating conflict The other one isn't the other one is the victim of the conflict. And so she addressed this that When you talk about narcissistic relationships and one person is an empath and the other is a narcissist It's not the the impact the victim is not the one causing the problems They are a victim to the abuse of the narcissist And so the conflict is coming from one side and when we say high conflict relationships It's often then thought to be both sides are creating conflict and it's that's never the case with a narcissist Usually the victim is trying their hardest just to maintain some type of of peace And it's the narcissist that is the one that is the conflict and um Yeah, because by the time I think by the time people At least in my own experiences and people I've know by the time you make the realization that you're in an abusive Relationship so much has already so much damage has already been done to your mental health That you're not even in a place to be of conflict if that makes sense Yeah, it's like you're drowning. I felt like I was just underwater just trying to stay Just you know anything I could do to keep treading keep treading keep treading maybe one day Maybe one day maybe one day and you know no So finally, I mean I'm I am dealing with it right now. Just learning I've got to take care of myself I've got to put on my own life best and and not rely on that that These people are going to ever become a boat that I can get on No, it's um and that's the hardest thing too because narcissists are very charming And when they first meet you they love bomb you and then they you know, you are there You're like a queen in a castle to them. They put you on a pedestal. You are there everything And then it's like overnight all of a sudden you're what's wrong with the world And everything is your fault and then there's this yo-yo that's going on And so you're constantly trying to figure out What happened to make you all of a sudden not be this Loved person. What did you do do that's wrong? And um, I remember with my Narcissistic relationship my the the bad one that I was in the one where I almost lost my life And it was with somebody that I had actually grown up with but didn't really know him that well Um, and then when we started dating He was very aggressive like very much was like this is it And I remember saying to a friend at the time like this just feels really fast And my friend's husband at the time said But isn't that what you girls? You know, you're so lucky like you've got this man that wants to like marry you and like take care of you You're so lucky You know now this is this is what girls do like the minute they have a man that wants to they just say it's too You know, and so I started my friend's husband kind of set me up To be like, oh, I must be entitled or I must be in the wrong. He's right I've known this I grew up with this guy. So he can't be that bad And then yeah and now looking back it was complete love bombing. It was complete Getting that setting me up for that narcissistic supply and then once you're off the pedestal You're off that pedestal and you're usually in a situation Where You're kind of stuck. It's not like you can just run off and leave You you you've invested time and energy and finances and you're confused because you love this person And you think you've done something wrong And you can't figure out what you did wrong So you're taking the blame for the behavior of somebody who actually has a personality disorder Yeah And with me, I've been very public for For many years just with my business and on all the different social media platforms and In my personal journals that nobody saw I would tell the truth But then out for the public to see I would make everything look Wonderful, I think dr. Romney has an episode where she talks about pictures And how you know, you're always smiling in your pictures. You're not going to post a picture on facebook or instagram. That's like You know, I'm sad you're you're going to post like oh, you know date night or You know family get together um Easter, you know, whatever but Vacation, you know, and you're only showing that positive stuff and so then whenever you really start Trying to heal yourself people are like what? Yeah, I had no idea because you made everything always look so So good and happy and cheerful all the time Oh, you I just it was the saying you never know what's happening behind closed doors and I was listen if there was a very it was a great interview that dr. Romney did and guys I'll put all of her links down and if you don't know who dr. Romney is She's my favorite as far as like a specialist when it comes to narcissistic abuse She interviewed a girl who wrote a book about um, I think it's called in my bones It's a woman a woman who survived immense childhood Abuse and ended up having complex post traumatic stress disorder, which I've been diagnosed with myself And so I was really interesting It was interesting to listen to the podcast and there's two things I want to bring up She talked about the girl that wrote the book said When you have ptsd Just plain old ptsd, which is bad. It's like imagine you have a really bad car accident That really bad car accident now you've got some post traumatic stress side of side effects Now imagine having that really bad car accident once a week for the entirety of your life That's cptsd. That's the difference between ptsd And cptsd And we think about ptsd oftentimes we think about people who are coming home from war Where they've got what's called shell shock, you know, it's very explainable But a lot of times the complex it's that's why it's complex post traumatic stress disorder It's not as obvious to the outside world that there is trauma happening Um Within the and I actually it's interesting because I've been through trauma therapy. I do know I have this I do know it's something once you have an anxiety disorder It's never going to go anywhere. You just have to keep it at bay And something this woman said also that was interesting that I never realized Was a sign of cptsd that I do I just thought it was my vataism The need to try to be perfect and you're like I work non-stop Work non-stop and I know that I could probably slow myself down if I if I wanted to but I do feel anxiety about that And I didn't realize that was from complex post traumatic stress disorder But it almost acts the same way as like someone who has an eating disorder in that sense where They feel like something that they can't there's something outside in the self They can't control and so they can control their food So in this conversation, I realize a lot of times children Who come from abusive families? Will grow up to be very meticulous and very overly um Trying to be work too much trying to constantly because they're trying to control their their output in order to be accepted By the world around them because that's how they learn survival as a child that hit me so hard because that's me Um, it's me. It's me too Yeah, it's a sign of and and then I've tried this week Like I I text um our friend emi who's a reiki. I said I feel like I'm in a depression like I feel like And I've tried to been really really good to myself this week mentally and say hey You know, you've been through a lot and it's okay if you're a little slower getting some videos out It's okay like you got to take care of yourself But those are signs of of cpsd which come from things like narcissistic abuse Because it's it's layered. It's not it's a lot of it's mental emotional gas lighting Another thing she said and now this woman That wrote the book grew up in an immigrant family from asia. And so dr. Romney is also in indian heritage asian So they talked a lot about the um cultural implications of certain races and angie I thought about you and me when she was Speaking about this and you know, of course, it's not vogue In modern and woke society to say, you know, white people have issues, you know, we're supposed to be white privilege, right? But I hate that. I mean that's so racist to say that You and I are both from the south And I'm listening to them talk about the cultural ramifications And all I could think about was white southern society And I know this isn't vogue for the woke crowd for us to say this But in white especially southern Upper class, let's just be honest the aristocratic society Do you know how much narcissistic abuse? Physical abuse Financial abuse Is happening behind the door with the white picket fence around it And you can't say shit Nope You are enslaved Family is family right and you're they come from a good family. Do you know what that means? Say you come from a good family in the south They're rich. They're rich and they're educated They're rich and they're educated and I know both worlds because I grew up not Wealthy at all, you know pretty I mean, I wouldn't say we were poor but we were we were, you know, not Wealthy at all my correct grandfather, you know worked in a fire tower and picked Tobacco, you know, like he worked on a tobacco farm. So I've seen both both sides, you know Yeah you just got a smile I And I think that's why I struggled a lot because I grew up in a narcissistic system The school I went to was I mean looking back now. Holy shit 90 the teacher should be in federal prison right now for abuse. Some of them are um And I think I I said I I said a lot growing up like I there was a side of me There's a sassy side to me that will speak back Um, and it made it worse for me Obviously, but I've told my parents I If I could change anything about my childhood, well, there's a lot I would change for the one thing I would change would be my name My name is my mother's maiden name And the brices of South Carolina are a good family Mm-hmm Yeah, I love my granddaddy. I didn't that's all I don't I didn't know his father You know, but they were all doctors. Um, the Williams Brice Stadium at the University of South Carolina and To carry that name There's a certain expectation That you'll carry on the lineage as well And there are things about that that I don't want that that I think are wrong And um It's hard to get in that and that's part of that that white cultural abuse basically is let's call a spade a spade right you know, um and uh There's it's it's you're enslaved To to keep I don't know how to say that you're enslaved to keep up the story Yeah, let me see I wrote something I think last night Let's say this is on my twitter. Have you heard of family scapegoating abuse? It's a real thing and there are people coaches that can help you if you are a victim of this awful abuse Let me know if you need help finding help. I can send you some links and then what did I say? Any situation where you notice a pattern is karma the key is to stop the pattern otherwise It's just going to keep happening generation after generation Um, here it is if you are the family scapegoat You do not have any allies within that family only enablers They are all either brainwashed to think you are the problem Or they are too afraid to go against the narcissist because they don't want the the lash back I was a scapegoat 100 when I was in therapy That that was that was brought the first day that I um my therapist after we did some talking She was like you are a scape. You are a prime example of a scapegoat child And I was like doing something on my twitter. Yeah, you're saving the world one tweeted a time girl I was the scapegoat though and I I that makes sense this because I was the one I was the black sheep. I wasn't like my family I was I was born weird like I was born A lot of my my cousins, you know, I grew up with my cousins like brothers and sisters Everybody just goes along to get along everybody's just following the norm and I never wanted to be that there I never I love my family, but I didn't want I think I was I have another cousin now that has some tattoos, but I think I was the first to get you know, like, you know, like um and I was scapegoated a lot and any time I tried to Defend my oh that was another thing too that happens to scapegoats any time I would try to defend myself. I got in trouble for defending myself. I would be punished for that Yep So for me, it's that I'll put things out on twitter I don't say who I'm talking about but everybody just assumes because you're so vain You probably think this tweet is about you, you know Because I mean they just assume it and so then I was always like just so bad because I'm telling the truth You know, you know, I'm just telling the truth. I'm you know, they I'm not saying anything. I'm not calling out anyone but Spade is a spade spade is a spade And it that's that's part of the scapegoat if you're the one that was the one You know, I was the one out of out of my sister and me I mean my sister can speak for herself, but it's it's interesting You know, you grew up with siblings in a house and you have the same basic childhood But two totally different childhoods at the same time Have you heard of hayoka? uh-uh This is something new. I just I just discovered a couple of days ago on from somebody else's youtube channel um spelled h e y okay, a And there's like a hayoka empath And so basically, you know empaths are already a minority But it's like minority within the minority like Super like the wonderers. Yes. Yeah, it's uh, let's see. I looked it up on wikipedia um Is a kind of sacred clown in the culture of the sue Of the great plains of north america the hayoka is a contrarian jester In satyrist who speaks moves and reacts in an opposite fashion to the people around them Only those having visions of the thunder beings of the west blah blah it goes on and on and on But there is a whole like thing on like nine signs and traits that you're There's a lot and every one of them. I was like Every one of them is me I can't wait to look at that Mm-hmm. They're highly sensitive people have a keen capacity to sense what other and vigil Vigils around them are feeling and thinking Empathic persons don't have the same filters which other people do to block out stimulation as a consequence They absorbed into their own bodies both the stressful and positive energies around them Um, there's a whole lot there. I want to do a thing on it Because I really believe I was telling eric this last night. We were talking about I was like I am totally this I'm another thing It labels all over me Like I keep saying when I die, I'm gonna be like I need to speak to the manager as my friend And he says she's like who left me who left me by myself to to create this whole contract But no that I I have a really hard time my nervous system So if I'm in a situation where something isn't right I at this point can't hide it because my nervous system starts like I start shaking uncontrollably I can hardly speak My body starts to shut down. It is bad. Like I can't I have a Very important meeting. This is why we're airing this on filming this on thursday to be airing on friday I have a very important meeting tomorrow with a very Powerful person. I'll just leave it that and you know is what's going on And I'm so I feel comfortable with them like we've talked on the phone and stuff So I feel totally comfortable but my boyfriend's coming with me just because I know my nervous system like I have so he can kind of be the grounding force for me In this meeting because it's a very important meeting and it's hopefully will result in really good things But you know, I that is I can't I have a really hard time um hiding My reaction to things Well, it says, um, you know, hey, yo guys are considered, you know, like the most valued of impasse because they are like the most Because they they feel even more intensely than than just I guess just to run of the meal impact but Son of a bitch It's a native american term. That means a fool or a sacred clown or shamanic It the term is also used to refer to people who are emotional mirrors to the ones around them Um, yeah, there's all kinds of things. I mean, it's it's really really interesting to me Um, they have sacred power and they share some of this with all the people But they do it through funny actions, which I don't know but yeah um I hope I Hey, yoka impath is also called a pain eater due to his ability to absorb and cleanse negative energies around him geez It goes on and on and on but yeah, um, I'll send you a link to the guy that where I was watching on youtube I was like it kept hearing him say the word but it wasn't in the title And I just started looking it up Randomly putting letters in I've had to do that before like pal. Do you think this might be sound it out brice sound it out I did win a spell and be one time in fifth grade I'm like this was not a word a wordly wise word that we had No, but that's you know, that's that's I think that's also though that probably would be very much what they call the wanderers in the law of Um, and that was one thing, uh I've said with mr. Fox and you knows mr. Fox that um When I first met him he was like you're a wonder and that explained a lot because as I said the episode I did with catherine and mr. Fox, you know for most of my life my adult life. I have been so Abused mentally. I mean I look back at my childhood and I'm horrified I'm horrified at the abuse that I went through Looking back. It's amazing I feel At 40 it's amazing. I'm still alive to be honest with you guys Like it's actually amazing that I'm still alive And so for a lot of my early adulthood before I learned about narcissism before I learned about narcissistic abuse before I learned about the law of one. I thought that god had created me To be I literally believed like in my bones believed that I had been created To simply be a punching bag for people Um I mean, there are so many examples I could save I'm not going to because I don't want to like put family members on the spot The one thing this morning that um light workers Are not victims. They're volunteers or volunteers not victims Which is a really hard thing to to realize that we supposedly chose All of these experiences Somebody better supervise me next time I'm adult being a slow contract. That's all I've got to say about that I'll give you guys an example of yeah, I'm thinking about an example of a family member I won't say who but of a good example of gaslighting and something So when when I was when my mother was giving birth to me on february 4th 1983 um my heart stopped In in the like I was being rushed into us for it to be a cesarean section But they got they got my heart to start back again. So then I was a natural birth I didn't know that until like my 27th birthday. I had no idea that it happened So basically I flatlined in the womb and then was brought back So from the time I was born I've been very sensitive to spirits. I see ghosts. I feel things I don't know if that's because of what happened In when I was in the womb because a lot of people say that they'll have like a near-death experience And then all of a sudden they can see things I don't know if I would have been able to see them Anyway, so I just wanted to preface that So when my parents lived up in alpharetta Georgia, which is a suburb of Atlanta They had a new they were the first people to live in their house. It was a new bill built And upstairs There was a man upstairs. I would see him a lot And I'm so used to seeing apparitions now that I don't really think much of it anymore But I would see him a lot and I said something to another family member And we had a good hour conversation about this apparition because this family member had also seen this man We described him exactly the same what what he looked like and finally I was like, oh, thank god somebody else is like seeing you know like So we had this full on conversation And then like a month later we had this big family Dinner at my parents house and I said something about the man upstairs And the person I'd had the conversation with was there and I was like, oh remember we had that they're like, no, we didn't No, we didn't That person did not want everybody to know That they had seen an apparition because I'm the crazy. I'm the weird one Right. I'm the I'm the black sheep That's a form of gaslighting Because we had a full on hour conversation about it and that person Basically just threw me under the bus because they don't want to be perceived Because I'm the scapegoat. I'm the one that takes the abuse in the family. I've always been the one to take the abuse always always I would laugh and as a child and I would say man An earthquake could happen in like Ecuador and for some reason it would be my fault That's how ridiculous a lot of the abuse was like that was obviously nowhere near my fault um I'll tell you I went to school in the united kingdom for college And um, I got a call one morning from one of my parents won't say which one They had I'm sorry to throw my sister into the bus. I think it's kind of funny now They'd found a um Some paraphernalia in my sister's bedroom for marijuana Whatever like who cares at this point But I got a call one day at now meanwhile I had been over in the united kingdom for months at this point like hadn't been home And I was blamed for it It could possibly be my sister was actually Uh Doing that it had to somehow Be my fault like this reminds me of a story my mom would tell me about when She and her sister slept together when they were little and her sister peed in the bed But like pushed my mama over On it so that she would get in trouble I don't think I know my my parents now know that was my sisters, but I've never gotten apology for that ever They laugh about now and I know I listen I've tried to be a pothead I Cbd great. I can't handle I I love my shrooms, but I cannot handle Um thc I can't either it doesn't work on me at the cbd oil is great. So I tried Very hard to be a pothead. It just never worked for me So um, so that's kind of comical and my sister had worked real well on like she The total fish stoner and you know, they know that now my parents know But you know that that was just kind of the ridiculousness And I think like I was thinking a lot about I was I was um watching a video about you know When you're in a relationship with someone that's constantly saying they're sorry like oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I do that a lot It's a sign of that that person has been emotionally abused in the past That they're just just they're they're it's like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time Yes, I do that same thing too You're constantly holding my daughter crazy because she's just so She's so dang wise at 16 years old. Well, she had a lovely parent She's healthy um, and unfortunately When everything's been from the time you were a child if everything was made to be your fault Then you start taking on that responsibility that everything is your fault And I find myself now like even with my my boyfriend who's the sweetest guy and you know, it's my boyfriend like he hardly raises his boys He's so kind He understands But I'll be like here and I'll hear her come home in the morning And I'll be like working out or doing my practice or something and I'll find a little bit of anxiety like oh my god I hope I hope I'm not going to get in trouble for so I still every day and I have to like tell myself. No, you're fine You're not That's me too like I would always when my husband was coming up the driveway You know, I've just if I was just kind of like not doing anything, you know, just kind of relax and I'd just hop up like Oh, I better look busy. Yeah. Oh, yeah, because not necessarily because he required that it's just It's just in me from now Yeah, you know Oh, absolutely um, it takes me a lot to take a day off because and this is why and I kind of spoke about this earlier I don't feel like I deserve rest I don't feel like I deserve to have a day off Because that's how I was made to feel as a child from my I'll say that was for my father. Definitely I just reserved for the first time ever an air bnb on my own for me and my daughter for my birthday and in charleston And um, she's rosie's never been and do you know it was such a big deal? Like I was like, no, no, it's too much. It costs too much. No, you don't know Well, you really maybe just do two nights instead of four. Maybe You know, no, you know, I kept going back and forth. I Reserved it and then I cancelled And then I reserved it again Now it's just said and you know, I got a message back from the owner of this air bnb and she knew who I was She said a girl after my own heart. I love I love me some pickles Oh, I know so I'm gonna bring her some That's sweet. I gotta show you this place. I mean it looks like something out of Pinterest See me that picture girl. Well, you know charleston is where my mom's family's from so apparently there's a couple of streets I apparently there's a bright street somewhere in a strong street somewhere. That's my grandmother's family the strongs I've never seen him and I've been going to charleston my whole life And I've never seen those streets, but how do you all look for them? Look for them and just be like, I know I know that bitch I know that girl Um, yeah, that's that's hard to do that for yourself. It's really when I first started dating my boyfriend He would say stuff like when do you ever treat yourself? You say so now I'll go get my hair cut in color because that's keeping up the illusion, right? That's something you have to do to make yourself look presentable But as far as like, you know, it would take me a lot to feel like I could buy a new shirt Right, I have a million dollars sitting in the bank and I would still feel Because growing up I was not made to feel like I And my parents had money like I grew up in private schools like we nice houses like you know, it just Yeah, I my grandmother When she finally just you know grew up and healed herself I mean she I don't know if this was healed, but she had a whole bedroom of nothing that she used You know, it was just shoes because she never had those things, you know And um, yeah, and I feel like my mom they used to um She tells me these stories when she was growing up like the They would go get to the Salvation Army to get my mom her shoes But the other siblings got new shoes So now I think my mama loves her goodwill Loves all the scripting. I mean she she buys So much stuff all the time, you know, like it's like I don't know. There's something there Yeah, no, it's it's weird. It's it's like one thing I want to cover at some point is obsessive compulsive disorder OCD which I think people Which is a sign of of CPTSD is OCD, but I don't think People really understand what OCD is I've been diagnosed with OCD as well. I don't know if I've mentioned that before it's a it's a side effect of complex post traumatic stress disorder And it's it's a weird. It's not yes. I'm a very clean person. Yes. I make my bed up. Yes I'm very organized, but I think that aspect of my personality would be here regardless of Trauma or not I'll give you guys an example of something I do that's OCD Because that being clean is not OCD being organized is not OCD what OCD it's weird The proper OCD is weird little things you do that make no sense But to you it's life or death. Let me give you an example When I do laundry I have it in my head That the first thing I put into the laundry basket after it's been all cleaned and put away Has to be a very dirty outfit Like covered in sweat covered in dirt And if the first thing in the laundry basket isn't covered in sweat and covered in dirt, I have a panic attack That's OCD that's what OCD is. So I don't know where that came from I don't know why I do that I've tried to break that habit myself like I did laundry this morning. I'm looking at my laundry basket right now With nothing in it Now in my if I'm in my OCD the outfit I have on right now after I get off with Angie I would go outside and like walk or run five miles just to get this outfit really dirty So I could put it in the laundry basket But the person that's trying to heal is going to say no You're just going to put it in the laundry basket regardless It's like I remember hearing Andrew goal. I love his channel and your goal talked about him He would have to do his doorknob on his car So many times before he'd go inside and the doorknob actually ended up falling off It's ridiculous stuff that you don't know where this quirk came from Yeah, but it becomes life or death So I don't know where that came from now. I've been doing my own laundry since I was 12 years old I was forced to start doing my own laundry at 12 years old even when we had a housekeeper So I don't know if it's just trying to keep I don't know what it is in my brain But that is that's OCD guys and that's so cleanliness isn't OCD Organizations at no CD. It's weird things. You do like that. That is OCD I have to shave my legs every day Now I started doing that because I laughed at my yoga teacher So I didn't want to like, you know students grab my legs when they when I assist them But now I think it's crossed into OCD again where I would have a panic attack If that didn't happen And that's coming from and so I think it also again, I hope I'm making sense to people watching I think again I refer it back to people with eating disorders because that I understand from my studies of the dosha When someone is anorexic it's never It might start off as a diet But it crosses the line into trying to control something because you feel like everything else is so out of control I think it's the same thing with OCD It's that there's something you are so used to being abused and you are so used to being The scapegoat that you're trying to control Whatever part of your life you can so there's some sort of peace and some sort of of Purpose, I don't know maybe because it's the dirty clothes hamper. The first thing has to be then dirty. I don't know um But I did talk about that with my theorist for a lot and she was like OCD is a part of complex post-traumatic stress disorder Yeah, it's recognizing that I don't think I have that I do in the laundry basket I mean, I don't want anything wet in there That could be for mold but But I don't think I have OCD about anything like that not even not even about like Shaving my legs or You know anything Yeah, so I'm asking you about the bed too like I will not um And this might be just from I mean like you Angie growing up in the stinking south But um, you know, I can go out I could take a shower get clean go out to dinner And then come home an hour later You still got a shower. I still got to take I still got a shower. I can't I cannot For some reason I could not bathe before I went to bed. I would sleep on the sofa Now one thing that I do that's kind of kind of weird, I guess but it's a good thing to do Is um on my bedside table I always know like where my water is Where my phone is Where you know everything is like laid a certain way so that in the dark I know like I'm there it is and My husband would knock stuff over all the time on his table And just spilling stuff and like making a racket, you know all the time and like Why can't your face it was your space that you were trying to Why can't she just put your water right there if you knew I mean and then and then don't just go Wack, you know to go grab it in the dark. Why don't you kind of slowly take your hand and go? Where is my water, you know Like a bowl in a china shop I will say my boyfriend's very clean like he's very clean and organized and um But yeah, it's it's weird those little those little habits, but I know angie you grew up in some abuse So you probably have a lot and that's why That's why I dated narcissists for so long It took me almost losing my life to put me in trauma therapy Because I was mistaking abuse for love because I grew up with abuse as love And now I'm assuming everyone's a narcissist Yeah scared Yeah, that's um, well actually I just saw dr. Romney had released a podcast about that about when you come out of narcissistic relationships You're constantly Eagle-ying everyone and I did that for a while and you know the thing about narcissism is and my therapist was really good at explaining this to me Every person has narcissistic traits every human being But that doesn't mean they're narcissists So and she explained to me about healthy narcissists. So what is healthy narcissism? Healthy narcissism would be let's say that angie tomorrow you got offered this amazing job That was like the job of your dreams You got to travel the world making pickles and you were going to be on all the travel magazines and it was amazing And you posted about it on facebook that you were so excited That's healthy Narcissism because you're proud of yourself right but you being proud of yourself in this moment for you as angie Does not mean that you've dismissed anybody else says You're still happy for other people's success too. Yeah, and that's the difference Right, that's the difference between a healthy person and a narcissist is that a healthy person can be proud of themselves But also have strong boundaries and honor everybody as well A narcissist It's all about them And if you're their supply in that moment, what do we mean by supply? You're giving them you're feeding them Basically, it's that organic portal. They're mirroring you They're feeding off of you in the minute that supply is not good enough for them anymore. You're all the sudden They use you as a different way which is to abuse you and they need to do that because they don't abuse themselves They abuse you it's it's all it's really fucked up a narcissist is their mind They seem as dr. Romney says a lot they seem you know on paper A narcissist is going to have she said, you know, you take someone with narcissistic personality disorder and the normal person Compare baking accounts guarantee you the narcissist is going to have more money They seem like they have their shit together. They see but they don't they are They're in their heads. They are very fucked up and that's why they abuse Um, and that's why they gaslight Wow And they don't have empathy They don't care they can fake it when they need to They can fake empathy But they don't actually give a shit. You know, the really crazy thing that I do is When um, so people write me checks For pickles or anything, you know I will hold them. I think, you know, it's like a three month window you have to To cash or deposit a check I will hold them till almost the last minute like the last day because it's like it's like i'm saving the money That's yeah, but that's it. No, I bet if you talk to therapists, that would be it. I do it all the time. I'm like, yeah I mean, I I always can find money though because I don't spend it If it's in the bank Then i'm gonna, you know, my kids are gonna need something i'm gonna Venmo them and it's gonna come, you know Just it's gonna disappear. So I just like no as long as it's just this piece of paper I can't spend it Yeah, that I think that's probably an ocd If you were to talk to a therapist, I think that's a weird thing to do I just pause and checks right away girl. I don't get paid The only place I get I get checks from Cindy still but most people just is direct deposit anyway But um, but yeah, I bet that would be considered and you either some practical reason in your head as to why you're doing it Although you could just put it in your savings account in the bank, you know, and I used to like I didn't I didn't want to put it in the bank. So I used to put it in like a, you know, Duncan Heinz frosting container in my freezer I'd be like, well if the house catches on fire the freezer is probably not going to burn first Okay, I'm kind of like that. Okay, so I rarely use cards I prefer using cash for things and I don't know why I don't know why there's some businesses credit card. I don't even have one. I have credit cards I have debit cards, but I will literally go and withdraw cash Yeah, I want my debit card because it comes straight out and I can see what's happening and I don't owe anything afterwards I don't even use hours. I mean, there are certain businesses where in my head. I can't use cards at all I'll just go get a bunch of cash. It's so crazy. I don't know why I do that Why don't just pull my debit card out? I mean Online when I I'll be obviously use my cards, but it's yeah, it's just weird little quirks like that and um I don't know. I know we're coming up on an hour now Angie But I wanted to ask our viewing audience our friends watching right now because this topic seems to be so important um First I want to ask our audience for them to give any examples of gas lighting that they've experienced if they care to share Um, and I'm thinking like I'm feeling kind of inclined Do you guys want us to go deeper into like complex post traumatic stress disorder in an episode? Because it's really a real thing and a lot of people like I've never been to a therapist, you know I know I have it Yeah, but and I mean a lot of people can't afford therapy They can't you know, and they they're just not or they're embarrassed or you know to reach out and I think it would be really good to to really get it dive into it Yeah, and just to know you're not So before we sign I'll tell so in my mid 20s. That's probably like 26 at the time I remember this I all of a sudden started having Just explosive anxiety and I've had anxiety my whole life, but it got really bad And so I decided I was going to try to go on some form of medication at that point because it was really out of control And so I went to didn't go to a therapist. I went to my just doctor because I wanted to get some to medication So it was 14 15 years ago something like that And I was telling the doctor what was going on And I remember the doctor looking at me and she said at that point she goes you sound like you have PTSD She didn't say see PTSD because I don't know if see PTSD was actually a thing yet And I remember thinking no, that's something that people that go to war have like I've never been to war I don't have PTSD But I remember the doctor the actual medical doctor saying I think you have PTSD um, and it wasn't until my early 30s that I Went to trauma therapy where I was actually diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder And when the the therapist was explaining it to me it was very liberating because all of a sudden you realize The thing about the human psyche is you get so used to living in your anxiety You get so used to living with your trauma that you don't realize that that's what's actually happening Same thing with abuse sometimes with cults a lot of times people don't realize they're being abused Because they're just used to it at that time. It's normal. It's just a tuesday, right? So Yeah, and the the different side effects of complex post-traumatic stress disorder um I'll never forget and this is gonna make me kind of emotional the the lady In the podcast with dr. Romney the lady said something about wrote the books. It's nothing about being in her Boss's office and like breaking down and crying and saying that she felt like she just couldn't be She was so weak. She couldn't be strong and the more dr. Romney stopped her and said no If you have complex post-traumatic stress disorder every day You're carrying strength that most people will never even understand Mm-hmm. What you've been through It's that same metaphor of you've been in a car. It's like you're being in a car accident every week for your entire life It changes you it changes the the neurologic whole makeup of your brain mm-hmm CPTSD looks a lot like 80d So if you're an adult and you feel like all of a sudden you and now you have 80d it's a chance It's not 80d, but it's CPTSD. It's complex post-traumatic stress disorder Your body's not supposed to be in fight or flight all the time and that's what's happening When you grow up in abuse or you've been in abuse for a significant amount of time You your body just naturally stays in fight or flight I'll tell you one more thing because i'm feeling inclined because maybe somebody listening Well, this will help somebody I had a friend that used to laugh at me about this I wake up when I was a kid So there was a lot of signs that something was going on when I was a kid I had um night terrors starting at the in the eighth grade which are not just sleepwalking but Running out of your bed screaming My mother would find me in the shower with my pajamas on She would find me in the kitchen trying to leave the house with my pajamas on So I started having night terrors. Those don't come out of nowhere Another thing that happened and I can't remember the name of it. There's a medical term My uterus started to fall out when I was in high school. Wow It's a pull push it pull for rated like there's a word for it They had to pop it back in And that is a sign of molestation I don't have meant literally memory But in the 90s, it was just oh just just put it back in and we'll just keep a smile on your face and just keep going You know um Even to this day I have to lock the bedroom door when we go to sleep at night because I don't know if I'm going to get up Um when I lived by myself, I there was one morning. I woke up and I had gone into my closet and pulled Everything out of my closet all my clothes all my shoes and they were just lying on the floor of my bedroom I had taken all the suitcases down everything in the middle of the night Um another thing I do is I wake up in the middle of the night in a panic And I'll be like half awake So this isn't like sleepwalking. This is and I'll be running to the closet getting things that I need like I have My doll hip which I've shown on the show air before Um that I I go and grab her because I need to run or my grandmother's quilt And it isn't until I'm going to the bedroom door to run that I'm half awake that I go wait a minute And I'll put everything back and go back to bed Wow So these are all slides I don't do that, but I do sleepwalk. I'm I'm you have nothing to clean house in my sleep Like I'll be polishing furniture with a flashlight Uh-huh That's creepy. That's that's that's complex post-traumatic stresses because your body's in fight or flight So your body's not actually resting It's you feel like you got to be doing something Do you talk in your sleep? I talk. I scream in my sleep. Yeah, I do My boyfriend has had to wake me up quite a few times as I'm screaming in my sleep Wow, yeah So this is and this has gone on for like 40 well probably more like 25 years for me Because it builds up maybe even longer. I don't know So I just hope people watching right now like you're if you're experiencing any of this We started off the conversation with gaslight. I'm gonna answer you. We're gonna just see where it went But it starts with things like gaslighting that make you start to Question yourself and put you in that place of panic and terror This is what in my opinion narcissists are terrorists. That's what they are. They're terrorists And honey, they go to bed at night and they sleep perfectly fine Yeah, they do They do They sleep perfectly fine Not a care in the fucking world Meanwhile, they've just terrorized you Yeah, and you're up all night and you're up all night your sleepwalking and you're Developing ocd patterns and you're on fighter flight Um, I know angie. I've said to you I I want you to see someone because I did emdr therapy and I will do that again because emdr therapy was amazing Because when you're in fighter flight to what emdr, it's rapid eye movement therapy So when you go to sleep at night, this is for everybody when you hit rem sleep Speaking of rem the band there from Athens where and he lives When you go to sleep at night When you get to rem sleep, which is the deepest level of sleep your eyes start to move And it attaches to like the neurons in the brain that it's why the set expression sleep on it That's where it comes from and so when your body hits that paralyzed position so the body can re heal itself Not act out your dreams And so you can go back and calm down the neurological responders in your in your brain that respond to stress Well, when you are inundated with stress like you're having that car accident every week Your body is not able to process that So what happens is you never go into REM sleep You never get to that deepest level of sleep. That's why you're sleep walking. That's why you're having night terrors While you're screaming in your sleep Because your body's not get your you're too much in fighter flight Your body is not allowing you your mind's not allowing you to get there What emdr therapy does is it does what's supposed to happen in sleep While you're awake So it's hypnotics watching a finger or some people do with buzzers or lights Um, and you do a lot of talk therapy first before the therapist does it with you And what the therapist will do is they will bring you back to a very stressful traumatic Experience you went through they'll bring you back there and then they'll start right away having you watch their finger While you're in that emotional state To get your brain to rewire itself back to a healthier And and as my therapist says it doesn't mean you don't have to go through and do everything in your life That caused you stress because if as my therapist said if there's something you're not remembering We're not going to try to remember it If your mind decided to block something We're going to leave it blocked because there's a reason why your mind blocked it And she told me with some mind blocked memories that if it happened if I happen to remember something We'll deal with it in that moment Right Otherwise, we're not going to try to push it because I feel like I've got some little memories You know just like little pictures in my in my mind that I'm like, I don't know what happened, but something something happened must have happened because I I can see Myself in the room and the person Yes, but I don't remember what happened So it must yeah, I must have I had so this is what's crazy guys with memory I remember middle school sixth seventh eighth grade. I remember like it was yesterday I am missing chunks of time from high school I met up when I moved back To georgia from los angeles. I met up with a friend. I went to high school with I mean, we were in our late 20s So I hadn't seen him in like 10 years and we went up and we had beers one night Just he was a good friend of mine in high school. We did a lot together So we were just catching up And he kept saying do you remember that trip we went on It was him me and one of our other friends We like went away on a trip to a cabin for a weekend and I kept saying you're confusing me with somebody else Like I was laughing. I was like, no, I've never been there. I've never been to this state in this cabin. Like no, that wasn't me He was like, no, it was you me and this other person. I and it was a whole thing Well, the next weekend we met up again with another friend Who was back and I walked into his house and he had gone into his attic Found boxes of photographs from high school because this is back in the day young kids where we didn't have them on our cell phones and had uh, you know those envelopes of pictures when you would get from the And right and through the packet of of film roll down and said the trip we went on look at these pictures I sat there looking I was I remember seeing they're shaking Because I was in all these pictures I have no memory of this trip No memory Of going on this trip Wow Now I know the friends I were whipped and hurt me because But what happened around that time that caused me to completely block out a huge chunk of time And how weird is it that I remember 11 12 13 14 years old? But I have a hard time remember 14 15 16 17 18 years old It's hazy That's when my uterus fell out too. So what the hell happened as my therapist said we don't need to know We don't need to know If you're if you can't remember we're just going to work on your emotions And that's all we're and as she said with the end of we I can't we we don't have to go through every traumatic event You had we just got work on some of them and once we work on some of them The rest of them will your body will start to be able to incorporate that and work through it So Is cre listen planet earth is gangster planet. I believe it Up next next life. I'm going to venus We ain't victims we're volunteers They cause wonderers I must have wondered into the wrong planet Oops And I will sell you something too. It's because I feel inclined to say it So I don't have a relationship with my biological father That was a decision that I made well my stepmother blocked me on his phone any way years ago But that was a decision I made with my therapist And that is something in the south that we are told we we have to honor our parents That's why I honor thy father and thy mother Yeah And the minute I was given permission to put up boundaries and I made that decision My life has been better for it. Yeah, I've it's been healthier. I've been able to heal Yeah, yeah It's that whole um, we're getting way off topic again But the whole like forgiveness thing, you know, I think forgiveness Can keep you In that loop. Yeah, you know of abuse over and over and over I'll never forget my dad's sister my aunt She's a therapist And I was probably in my mid 20s at this point and I Something had happened and I maintained a relationship with my dad's family Even though I cut him out My grandparents and stuff and I remember my dad's therapist saying, you know, brice Your relationship with your father is one sided You are the one who is always trying to have a relationship with your father And that took a lot for her to say that about her brother Yep Yeah, and to tell her niece who was in my mid 20s at the time to say you were the one I haven't got it's interesting. I haven't gotten I haven't gotten a happy birthday from my dad since I was like 18 Or a merry christmas Not a text nothing in my last 40th birthday my boy. I forgot. I just don't even think about it now We had gotten back. I was a little drunk. We got back from dinner And my boyfriend was sitting on the bed and I was changing to go take a bath drunk and my boyfriend looks he goes Your dad never called you today And I go, no, he never does he never does. Yeah, and he said but you're his first foreign child and you turned 40 like I was just assuming he would at least text you Yeah, I was like, you probably didn't even remember it's my birthday. I guess I was like I was like laughing about it It doesn't even remember I don't even think you remember as I exist. So to be honest with you So very similar situation with my dad too So Yeah, and I guess we're all drawn to each other like my best friend, you know debra saying No relationship with her father. He died a year or two ago and she didn't go to his funeral You know, yeah, I think about that with my dad like like what are you gonna do? Yeah, when he's on his deathbed like our my sister and I even gonna bother Yeah, and like how pathetic is that for him? Yep, I remember when my grandfather my dad's dad was dying This is a visceral memory. I had and I thought I were talking to my therapist about with me I was on the phone with my dad And I was again trying to have a relationship with him Uh-huh, and my grandfather was getting sick And my father was in his sixties at this time. He was my father himself was in his sixties And my dad was like, I don't have time for this right now. You don't know what it's like to lose a parent Mm-hmm, and I had to pull. I was shaking on the phone. This is before we had hands free So we're talking on stuff on driving. I'm a jetta at that time. I had to pull my car over I'll never forget the outfit I had on I had on blue jeans and a red shirt And I was in my jetta. I had to pull. I was on the freeway I had to pull the car off the road. I was shaking so bad and I thought At that point his mass slipped and I saw him for who he was as his daughter. I saw him for who he was I thought you son of a bitch You motherfucker Yeah, you abandoned your children When we were teenagers And you're in your goddamn sixties And your father has been there with you every single day of your life helping you Supporting you guiding you Yep, now your father who's close to 90 Is dying he's not leaving you because he's choosing to leave you. He's dying You chose to leave your children when they were helpless children Yeah, oh it still makes me so mad. I remember telling my therapist that and she was like That's some clarity, isn't it mad is a good thing I was pissed I was so pissed and now the fact that he couldn't even hear He didn't even and that's what dr. Romney said in one of her latest podcasts too about like What is the one thing about narcissists if you had to pick one there's so many things about narcissists, but what's the one thing? She said self-awareness They don't have it My it didn't even register to my father I'll save another story. I have about somebody for the next one It's too good I will say In defense, I have a really great stepdad. I will say that to you guys. I have an incredible stepfather. He's awesome He I'm so grateful for my stepdad because I don't even think my nephew and nieces realize That he's not they're like biological. I don't think they realize that he's yeah, that's how awesome he is He's just their pop, right? He's their pop Um, and so and that's an incredible blessing to us And you know, it sucks for my dad because I have a really cool nephew and nieces They're awesome and those are his grandkids And he doesn't I mean, he knows them. Yeah, occasionally he'll see them but Yeah They're all I mean my my nieces are gourd. I mean, I just I know everybody thinks they're Nieces and but they're just like my niece Jacqueline. She's got these big blue eyes and this dark dark hair She's got her dad's italian side of the dark hair these big blue eyes and may is just Toe headed like we were and chubby little cherub, you know, and hardly my nephew is just so handsome and he's just the smartest little He's so sensitive. He's a scorpio. He's so sensitive Um, he's so smart. He's he's so he's one of the smartest in his class. He's just so freaking smart And he he just cares so much about people from the young age. He was very and I just think You're missing out on He's like my soon-to-be ex-husbands side of the family here like They don't know my children I've got three amazing children All three of them are very empathic very creative very smart very giving Good to people they care you know, and They've never been accepted or invited or You know then completely left out of things on purpose, you know, and so it's kind of the same thing. It's like Sucks for them Because they don't get to know these wonderful You know children, but yeah, and they never did I will say my dad's parents were very proactive with my nephew and nieces they were Oh my god, I'll at my grandfather's funeral Well The the the pamphlet I was like seeing stars with the pamphlet because of the mention of like great-grandchildren It was like my step my stepmother's kids. Yeah And I wanted to sock my dad. I wanted to punch him in the face at that point Because my grandfather because he was the first to die of my grandmother He loved those kids so much and he I have pictures of like charlie holding his hand and um You know, they would ask him about him and when they when they you know and having to explain to them when he died what happened and um And that they and then they were so young that as they didn't go to his funeral because they were so young but Like you couldn't respect your father enough To let his great-grandchildren have that moment on a pamphlet A program for a funeral. Yeah Yeah, that's like that wedding that um my children were all left out of my son said, um If you saw my blog post, I think I shared it with you. Yeah um I'll never forget him sitting there. He's looking at the program and he goes I'm saving this he goes. This is hysterical. We're the only ones not on it You know, all the other cousins had a role to play Yeah so, yeah I mean that wasn't me saying this to him. This was my son saying it, you know, he was in like eighth grade Oh, you figure it out when you're Well, it's like my and with my dad me my dad's family different from your situation My dad's family were very involved like I highly I probably think my grandparents probably like what the fuck with my dad like looking back and I'm like my grandparents probably like What did we do? Oh And I because my mom tells this story when my father walked out and left us my grandmother my my dad's mom Drove up to the house and like sat with my mom and cried and just cried and um They always like they always said my mom like they they they they love my mom like that that was their daughter-in-law and um Yeah, I I will say my my grandparents really did proactively Being what were involved in our lives where my father couldn't be bothered. Yeah, you know and um They would wish me happy birthday. So my birthday when they were alive but dad didn't they did You know and um and they would they would With my dad when we were really little like little kids Like with my mom's family with the brices my mom's family We always I always felt very comfortable at my aunt's houses at my grandparents like very much like this is my family But at my with my dad's parents he treated us like we were guests Uh-huh, and even my parents were married He it was very apparent that he would put his nephews and nieces before his kids His sister's kids took priority over my sister and me And um My aunt my dad's sister has three sons and I think that that I used to think well that might be why because my dad always Wanted a son and he didn't have any sons Thank god, thank god. I mean if he had had a boy that was In a feminine or gay heaven forbid. He would have lost his shit. So thank god. He had daughters um But Yeah, so that's the we were my dad's Actually, there was one christmas where my So my grandmother got diagnosed with dementia Early on like a while ago And the fun thing about dementia you guys the fun thing about it is people stop get they they don't give a shit anymore They don't care. They just say whatever they say whatever and my grandmother before that She was very southern very prim and proper You know, but after that diagnosis she started letting things rip And she could not stand my stepmother So she would tell me every time she called her the c word to me once I was like What I'll never forget we were in I was driving her Lincoln, you know, and she was sitting in the passenger seat She was like that. She's their name is a See you and T and I was like Yes, grandmother. She is but so is your son And after one christmas where it was like the last christmas I spent with my dad's family before I got too difficult with him and my stepmother I guess my grandmother did not anticipate my stepmother bringing her Kids she only anticipated us And it was a big to-do that there was not enough seeds and so my stepmother wanted like my sister me to leave basically my grandmother Went ape shit on her And she was like those are my grandchildren. They are always welcome here. You are not Went ape and I was like That's some south Georgia coming out right there It's the best She had been home not bad for like 80 years and she finally let it let it loose um Yeah, and she would she was down so Apparently my great-grandfather my grandmother's father Who owned a dairy farm equipment door to When my grandmother's mother had died he remarried this woman that my grandmother couldn't stand And so she would tell me all the time that she understood and she told me That my great-grandfather's wife hated fake flowers So my grandmother and her sister my great-aunt jane lived in val dosta Would send her constantly fake flowers That's good And she couldn't throw away because it was Paul's girl sick. She had to save up because I love it. That was the first time I was like, oh, grab on the sassy. Yeah She got a sassy side to her That's so funny So but she saw me she literally like saw the behavior and and basically I mean You know, she would before she passed away We would go visit her and she would like shove money in our pockets And I think she's had that shit from my stepmother. I thought I'd say her name But she's had this shit from my stepmother She's trying to like shove money in our pockets. So that Anyway, we've gotten so off talking guys. We got way off topic That's where all the exposteratic stress disorder comes from Fake flowers and absentee parents I love that fake flower idea Yeah She hated my grandmother and had he played fake flowers too My grandfather grew his own magnolia trees in the backyard was constantly she hated him too But her and her I was like you think you and Aunt Jane were kind of bitchy, weren't you? I could take some notes. Y'all know how to do that. You gotta be petty. You're petty betties like So good so good giving me ideas Yeah, so good. Oh get the tackiest Fake flowers next mother's day Send it to your ex-in-laws from your grandchildren from there. She can't throw it away As it's her grandchildren, she can't throw it away. She's gotta destroy that. That's right So anyway, anyway guys, I know we just said we were gonna have to kind of Free flow today about some of these topics. Um, but please know everybody watching that. I know Angie's going through it I've been through it You're not alone. We're at a time in our Great awakening where people there is a divide between people with souls and people without souls And so it's becoming more and more obvious and it's that's a good thing that it's becoming more obvious and that more people are aware of these tactics and um Anything you see in a narcissistic relationship, just amplify it by 10 and there you have a cult. It's all the same stuff, right? So Anything you want to part with today Angie with our audience? I think we've said it all There anything else amazing on my twitter? If anybody wants to connect with me there on angti I'm kind of fun on twitter. Um, you're fun off twitter too, Angie So I don't know I'll play this one. Oh where to go. I lost it. Hold on I'm gonna find it again. You might hear my channel. I gotta go to my community tab. Hold on one second Yeah, my last tweet was how dare You know like that How dare you anyway, how dare the scapegoat not subscribed to their fucked up narrative Thought that was good. That is good And I will say guys one last time if you want Angie and myself To become middle-aged tiktok. Oh, yes, please Okay I have a tiktok, but I don't ever share anything to it. Um But Listen, we're gonna embarrass Angie's kids They're used to it. I mean I've been embarrassing them since forever I wanted my sister to do some flashback from the 90s like in sync stuff And she's too busy chasing kids to even know what tiktok is. So I can't be the cool aunt brice by myself I need a cool cool aunt angi mama angi and tell us if you want us to do learn some tiktok dances. Okay, I'll try That was fun. So I like that song too. It is not really my genre of music, but I like that song so Thank you So anyway guys We love you all let us know your thoughts down in the comment section below share anything you want to share that might help somebody Watching and reading this that needs the support And let us know if you have any ideas for any narcissistic topics that you want us to explore More I have some other people. I'm going to be contacting again to come on and talk more about narcissism as well to really help people Understand that you're not crazy You are not crazy You're an in you might even be a heyoku. Was that what it was? Hey, yoka. Hey, yoka. You might even be a yoka There's so many labels You know, goodness well, I'm just like what the fuck is this like I kind of like the way hey, yoka sounds I'm a hey, yoka. Hey, yoka All right, you guys we love you all and we'll see you in the next episode