 The Jack Benny Program, presented by America's largest selling cigarette, Lucky Strike! Eighty sixty one a mank mank mank mank mop mop mack mop mop比比比比比比比比比比比比比比比比比比比比. Lucky Strike! First again with tobaccomen! Yes. First again with the men who really know tobacco. The independent buyers, auctioneers and warehousemen. For a recent impartial survey, it shows that more of these independent experts. Smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. Remember, these are the men who year after year can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. And for their own personal smoking enjoyment, they choose Lucky Strike. So let this overwhelming smoking preference of the experts lead you to real deep down smoking enjoyment. Light up a Lucky. Puff by Puff. You'll see. LSMFT. LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, and this fine Lucky Strike tobacco means a world of smoking enjoyment for you. That's why you'll like Lucky Strike. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, once again we take you to Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills. It's Saturday morning and Rochester is dusting the living room. Uh oh. Look at that big spider web in the corner. I'll get the broom in. No, I better take this one down easy. The last time I broke the spider web, Mr. Benny got awful mad. He likes to start them and use them for doilies. I'll take it down later after I dust the piano. That takes care of the piano. Now for the other room. That's funny. I'm not even near the piano. There it goes again. I better look inside. Just as I thought, a mouse. Oh well, I'll finish my dusting and then I'll... That's what it gets for not belonging to the Union. Rochester. Rochester. Good morning, boys. Did you have a nice sleep? I sure did, and now that I think of it, I had the most pleasant dream. You did? Yeah, last night I dreamt that Jose Aterbi was giving a piano recital. I could hear it so plainly. Well, you won't hear it tonight. How do you know? Jose is in the trap. What are you talking about? What you heard last night was a mouse. He was in the piano. Oh, oh. Say, by the way, Rochester, my whole gang and I are going to the football game, so as soon as they get here, let me know, will you? Okay. What's that? Must be another mouse. Oh, that's a shame. He was so talented, too. Phil Harris could have used them, you know? Yeah? I noticed there was a little memorandum on your night table that said something about calling your agency. Oh, yes. I'm glad you reminded me, Rochester. I'm going to call my advertising agency, Baton Barton, Dursten & Osborn. Baton Barton's which and who? Baton Barton, Dursten & Osborn. They handle my radio show. I'll have to get the number from information. Operator, I'd like to get the number of Baton Barton, Dursten & Osborn. How do you spell that, sir? B-A-T-T-E-N-B-A-R-T-O-N-D-U-R-S-T-I-N-E-O-S-B-O-R-N. What's his first name, please? Operator, that's the name of an advertising agency, Baton Barton, Dursten & Osborn. Oh, I'm sorry. One moment, please. Thank you. Can it be the B-R-E-A-S that filled the B-R-E-A-S with rare and magic perfume? And here you are, sir. That number is Hollywood 7-3-A-3-A-7. Thank you. H-O-7-3-A-3-A-7. Oh, miss, this is Jack Benny. I'd like to speak to Mr. Baton. Mr. Baton isn't in. Oh. Well, then give me Mr. Barton, please. Mr. Barton is in Chicago. Oh. Well, then could you connect me with Mr. Dursten? Miss... Well, then I'll speak to Mr. Osborn. Miss... Oh. Shall we go around the... I'll wait for Mr. Osborn. There. See ya, Miss Limson. I heard you had land ginace last week. Oh, it's my own fault. I never should have tried to talk to Mr. Benny and to give me a raise. Oh! But you know, I didn't mind. If you talk to Mr. Benny about money and all you lose is your voice, you're lucky. Look at me, Miss Limson. Last time I asked Mr. Benny for a raise, I got land ginace, locked jaw, glove across the face and a challenge to a duel. Bicycle, pums. Oh, we don't try to hurt each other. If I blow his toupee off, I win. Well, hello, honey. How do you feel? Michael. Creator, I was talking to Miss Livingston. What did you... No, no, operator. Just get me Mr. Osborn's office. Uh, Jack, who are you calling? Baton, Barton, Dursten and Osborn. Sounds like a trunk falling downstairs. Yeah. Say, Jack, what about the football game? I'll be through in a minute. And anyway, the rest of the gang isn't here yet. Uh, who's playing today? UCLA against USC. It'll be a good game even though both teams have been beaten. I'm holding the line. I'm waiting for Mr. Osborn's office. Jack, I hope the gang gets here so we can leave early. Why? What's the rush? Well, the last time we went to see Southern California play UCLA, you wouldn't pay a dollar to park near the Coliseum. So you kept on driving. Well, certainly. Then you wouldn't pay 50 cents for parking. You still kept on driving. Well, listen, they're not going to rob me. You wouldn't even pay a quarter. Look, Mary. Then you wouldn't pay a dime. Well, Mary, you'll have to admit one thing. When I finally found a parking place, we saw an exciting game, didn't we? Yeah, Georgia Tech versus Arizona State. What's the difference? We saw a game. They weren't playing at night. We'd have missed that one, too. All right, all right. Anyway, I'm never going to pay a dollar just to park my car. What do you think I am? A millionaire? Yes. Well, I want to stay that way. And another thing, Mary. Mr. Benny, I can give you Mr. Osborne's office now. Good, good. Huh? Oh, this is Jack Benny. I'd like to speak to Mr. Osborne. Mr. Osborne, just... Duffy? Who's Mr. Duffy? He's the president. Well, can you ring Mr. Duffy's office for me? Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking. Will you please ring Mr. Duffy's office? I'm... Say, Mary, I noticed you had a Rochester of package when you came in. What was it? Oh, that was the present you gave me for my birthday. You didn't have it back. But, Mary, I thought those doilies were beautiful. All I know is they keep catching flies. Well, look, Mary, if you don't appreciate... There's the front door, Rochester. Oh, I'll get it, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Dennis. Say, where'd you get that beautiful tan? Oh, it took a boat trip on my friend's yacht. Look, here's a picture of me taking in the cabin. Well, gee, what a big cabin. It has a porthole in it and everything. A porthole? Yes, there it is. Oh, my goodness. Well, what's the matter? I thought it was a bendix and threw all my clothes in it. I'll be with you in a minute. I'm calling Mr. Duffy of Baton Barton Derson and Osborne. It's my advertising agency. Why do you need them? Well, Dennis, they put on my program for Lucky Strike. They handle all the publicity, the exploitation, the advertising, the commercials. They hire the musicians, the writers, the actors. They do everything. Why do they need you? Because they want a comedy show and I'm a comedian. And who's Mr. Duffy? He's the president. President of what? Of Baton Barton Derson and Osborne. Jack, why are you getting so mad at him? Why can't help it? He's such a stupid kid. Oh, he is not. I am too. Huh? Who else would throw his clothes out of a porthole? I don't know. Baton Barton and Derson. What? Osborne wouldn't do it. I'm holding the phone here waiting to speak to Mr. Osborne in Mr. Duffy's office. Mr. Duffy's line, please. Yes, yes. Now, Dennis, while we're waiting, let's hear the song you're going to do on the program. This is Mr. Benny and I'm still waiting for Mr. Osborne. Now, he's in Mr. Duffy's office. This is Jack Benny. Is Mr. Osborne in Mr. Duffy's office? No. Do you know which agency he went to? Yes. Well, miss, I'm very anxious to speak to Mr. Osborne. Where is the office of Sullivan, Stofford, Caldwell, and Bayless? I'm coming. Tippy Canoe? Osborne, just let me speak to Mr. Duffy, please. I'm sorry. All right. Oh, by the way, Dennis. Dennis, that was a swell song you're just saying. I think it'll be great on the program. I'm not going to sing it on the program. I'm quitting your show. Quitting again? For what reason? I've got plenty of reasons. Plenty. Well, give me one good one. All right. I've been working for you for nine years and I've never had a Sunday off. Perhaps... Look, Dennis, Sunday is the day we do our broadcast. Excuses. Always excuses. Why don't you broadcast on Saturday? Because that's the day you do your program. I do? What time? At eight o'clock locally and 10 o'clock in the east. Who's my sponsor? Colgate. Oh, I'm supposed to be done, but look at the plug I got. This is still Jack Benny. I'm waiting to talk to Mr. Duffy. I'm sorry. Oh, is that another agency? No. Mary, this will take a few minutes. You and Dennis wait for me in the library. Jack Benny again. I'd like to speak to Mr. Osborne. I'm sorry. Oh, by the way, Miss, has the agency always been Badden, Bodden, Derson and Osborne? I don't know. Well, why did they take in little ol' Osborne? How did Duffy get to be president? Gee, she sounds cute. I like to meet her sometimes. Come in. Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. I'll be with you in a minute. I'm on the phone. The rest of the gang is in the library. Okay, Dad. Hey, look, before I forget it, I want to tell you that we're going to have a substitute guitar player in the orchestra tomorrow. Remly has to go out of town to see his brother. But why does he have to go tomorrow? It's the only visiting day in the month. Frankie's brother was in again. Yep. What's it for this time? Same as always. Counter-fitting. Did they send him back to the usual place? Yep. He's first again at the federal pen. How'd they happen to catch him this time? Jump the gun. He put Dewey's picture on a $10 bill. Well, I'm busy on the phone. Well, I can't wait, Jackson. I'm driving Alice to the game. Oh, is Alice outside? Why don't you bring her in? Well, if we drove up, I got a flat. She's fixing it. Phil, you mean to say you're letting Alice fix a flat tire? Don't worry. I called the newsreels first. Well, it's so long. I'll see you later. Okay, Phil. Sorry I couldn't talk to you, but I'm trying to get my agency, Baton Barton, Durstin and Osborn. Well, when you get them, tell them to give their regards to my agency. Who's that? Bottle, bourbon, thirsty and chaser. Brain out of meter on a jiggle. Fine. Some brain. Well, I see it at the Coliseum. So long, Cliff. Cliff. You can wash your hands when you get to the game. Don't... What a guy. You know, Phil is the only man I know who can... Oh, Mr. Yes. Mr. Osborn ready to talk now? Uh, no. Oh, uh, say Miss. Uh-huh. You're, uh, you're from the south, aren't you? No. But the way you talk... I... This is Jack Barton. I mean, Benny. Now, speak to Mr. Osborn. I'm holding. I'm holding. Yeah, I can't understand why... Say, Jack, if we wait any longer, we'll be late for the game. Yeah, so we're gonna go now. Yeah, I wish I could go with you, but I gotta talk to somebody at my agency. Well, say, Mr. Benny, when I had lunch at the Brown Derby, I saw Mr. Osborn. He was in conference with Hennessy, Tennessee, McCarthy, and O'Brien about a new radio show. Hennessy, Tennessee, McCarthy, and O'Brien. Is that an agency? No, that's McNamara's band. Oh, Hennessy, Tennessee, Tootle the Flute and the Music, something brand new. A credit to... I'm dead right now. Cut that out. The McNamara's... How do you do? How do you do? I am not long for this one. Dennis, I'm on the phone. Gee, Mary, the least you could do is wait for me. This is business. Oh, all right, all right. I'll be with you as soon as I get Barton, Barton, Derson, and Osborn. Oh, Miss. Miss. Well, what about Mr. Osborn? Lady Esther, what's she doing there? Rochester. Come in. I'm talking on the phone. Come on in. All right, Jack. Oh, I've got a big surprise for you. I brought along Spursal Stephen's Days and Bell. Spursal Stephen's Days and Bell? Talking to Lady Esther. I mean, Don Wilson. Don, who are Stephen's Spursal Days and Bell? Well, you're quartet the sportsman, isn't that right, fellas? Look, Don, I'll be with you in a minute. This is a very important call I'm waiting for. But, Jack, the boys want you to hear a commercial they've worked out. And Mary's in it, too. I am? What do I do, Don? Mary, please. Oh, this is great, Mary. You love it. Are you ready, fellas? Don, can't you wait till I get off the phone? But, Jack, it'll only take a minute. But, Don, how can you do it? There's nobody here to play the piano. Shall I let Jose out of the trap? Operator. Take it, fellas. Yes, we do. We love something the same as you. We love something, do we not? Love that something, but we won't say what. Didn't take us long to fall. Just one puff and that was all. Now we buy them every day. But what it is, we will not say. We love something, yes we do. Try and guess it, here's a clue. Made of light and find a back. Round and firm and fully packed. I have a lady in the balcony, doctor. For six silver rash trays. See if you can give me the correct answer to the following. What is America's largest selling cigarette and why? Well, according to a recent survey of all southern states, more independent tobacco buyers, auctioneers and warehousemen smoke lucky strike to the next two leading brands combined. And why not, when they're so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the little old draw? Thank you, Mrs. Effie Boone. We love luckies, yes we do. Love those luckies the same as you. There's no better in the land. You made lucky strike your favorite brand, O-L-S. Deep down smoking pleasure, there's no greater treasure. Smoke one natural as your lucky strike. That was one of the best commercial we've ever had. And to show my appreciation for your good work, starting next week, I'm going to give you a... Hello, Mr. Benny. Thanks, Miss. This is Jack Benny again. Can I speak to Mr. Duffy now? Yes, yes. Hello, Mr. Duffy. This is Jack Benny. Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. How are you? Fine, fine. Now, Mr. Duffy, the reason I call is this. You see, I've been with Lucky Strike now for five years, and there's one thing I'm not too happy about. You see, I... Mr. Benny, we're doing everything to keep you happy. I know, I know, but... We're giving you adequate funds for exploitation, and you have an unlimited traveling account for your entire show. I know, Mr. Duffy. And we increased your budget for musical arrangements as you requested, and also for your cast and writers. Yes, yes, I... And you also have our permission to broadcast anywhere in the country where you feel most happy. I know, Mr. Duffy. And we have given you the most important guest stars that money can buy. I know, but... But what, Mr. Benny? What is it that's bothering you? Well, well... Here it is, almost December, and Lucky Strike hasn't sent me my 1949 calendar. Miss, I was just talking to Mr. Duffy. What happened to him? He... Call Mr. Osborn tomorrow. Come on, kids, let's go to the football room. Ladies and gentlemen, the majority of America's hospitals now have patients waiting to be admitted. The situation in many areas is growing steadily worse because of insufficient nursing personnel. All young women between the ages of 17 and 35, who are high school or college graduates, are urged to apply for admission in any one of the 1,300 accredited schools of nursing. Apply to the one nearest you. Thank you. That will be back in just a moment. But first... ... An impartial survey covering all the southern tobacco markets reveals that more independent tobacco experts smoke Lucky Strike regularly than the next two leading brands combined. Yes, Lucky Strike. First, again with tobacco men. Remember, these men are the experts, the independent auctioneers, buyers, and warehousemen, men with gears of experience buying, selling, and handling tobacco. So it's important for you to know that the overwhelming choice of these experts is Lucky Strike. You've heard the survey results. Now here's what Mr. Ed L. Isaacs, veteran tobacco warehouseman, who sold on an average of 2.5 million pounds of tobacco a year recently said. Season after season, I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy fine, ripe, good-tasting tobacco. The kind a tobacco man really goes for. I've smoked Lucky Strike for more than 15 years. A Lucky Strike smoker for more than 15 years. And remember, Mr. Isaacs, like you, looks to the cigarette he smokes for enjoyment, real deep down smoking enjoyment. So light up a Lucky yourself and puff by puff, you'll see. LSMFT, LSMFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco and this fine Lucky Strike tobacco means a world of smoking enjoyment for you. Yes, you'll like Lucky Strike. This is the Coliseum. Where are you going to park? Oh, I'll find a place, Mary. I'll find a place. Park here for the football game, one dollar. Park here for the football game, 50 cents. Park here for the football game, 25 cents. Park here for the bullfight, one peso. Saturday night over the same network. And be sure to listen to Jack Benny on the Elgin Show. Thanksgiving Day. And don't forget to stay tuned in to Phil Harris and Alice Faye, who follow immediately and to Dennis Day in the day in the life of Dennis Day each Saturday. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.