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On your next trip to the cigarette counter, be happy, go Lucky. Ask for a carton of Lucky Strike. You'll find... Lucky tastes better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike. Lucky Strike Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, and you're truly Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, last Monday, Jack Benny took the Super Chief to New York to attend the testimonial dinner given by the Friars Club in honor of Bob Hope. Let's look in on him as he packs for the trip with the help of Rochester. Well, I think I better take some more warm clothing. It's pretty cold in New York this time of the year. Yes, sir. I've already put in your long underwear. Good. I also want my heavy woolen socks. Uh-huh. My heavy suit. Got it. A couple of thick sweaters. Uh-huh. My hat and my woolen scarf. Yes, sir. My ear muff, sheepskin-lined coat, and fur-lined gloves. That oughta... Wait a minute, Rochester, what's in that bag? You may get hungry so I put in some whale blubbers. Never mind the jokes. It does get cold in New York. Let's see. I'm going to be on the train for three days. I better take something to read. Rochester, pack about five or six of my books. You know, the one's on the table. Yes, sir. Uh-oh. Which book did you draw? The one from the California bank. But watch it next time. I wonder whether I should take my violin along or not. Should we put it to a vote? Eh, I'm not going to take it. Now, Rochester, if anybody wants to contact me while I'm in New York, I'll be at the Acme Plaza Hotel. Again? Yes, and you don't have to use that tone of voice. They treat me very nice at the Acme Plaza. In fact, this time, they're giving me the penthouse suite. Oh, that's nice. That's the one that underlooks the part. Never mind that. Since you were there with me last, that hotel has made a lot of improvements. You remember how every time I'd want to take a bath, I'd have to stand in line? Yes. Well, they put a bench there now. And not only that, they... I'll get it, Rochester. Yes. Hello? Hello, Chuck. I have to talk fast, so don't interrupt. My father's found out that we're in love, so if we're going to get married, Chuck, we better elope. I'll get my things ready, and I'll be waiting for you. Goodbye, Chuck. Who was it, boss? It must be a wrong number. Must be a wrong number. I don't know any girls whose fathers are still alive. I hope Chuck gets in touch with her. It'll probably spoil her honeymoon. I've got everything ready, Mr. Berry, but you haven't got enough baggage. I know. I left mine in Palm Springs. But Bob Crosby's lending me a suitcase. He promised to bring it over. He allied going to New York. Eastside, westside, all around the town. You know, I sure wish I was going to New York with you. You need me, boss. Now, look, Rochester, I don't need you. I know that all you want to do is to get to Harlem, and I won't see you again until it's time to come home. You spent all your time there with your girlfriend Dorothy. But, boss... No buts about it. The last time we went to New York, you didn't even wait until the train got into Grand Central. You pulled the emergency cord at 125th Street. I know. But what was the big emergency? I had to get over to Dorothy's faster. Her boyfriend was the engineer on the train. Oh, I see. Eastside, westside, all around the town. I'll be at the Acme Plaza penthouse two flights down. I'll answer the door, Rochester. You get my toothbrush and shaving stuff ready. Oh, hello, Bob. Hi, Jack. I brought the suitcase. Oh, thanks a lot. Come on in. Let's bring it in the other room where I'm packing. Oh, hello, Mr. Crosby. Hey, that's the most expensive bag I've ever seen. And look at those initials in gold. DC. Gee, Bob, this bag must have cost a lot of money. I don't know. You see, it's Bing's. He loaned it to me. Oh, well, it certainly is the most beautiful suitcase I've ever seen. Let me open it. She and it's just as beautiful on the inside. It's all fitted and made into sections. Bing had it made that way. Oh, really? What are all these compartments for? Well, they're all marks. The handkerchief, socks, ties, 20s, 50s, and 100s. Oh, oh, yes, yes. Now I see some of the green rubbed off there. Well, this is the most novel suitcase I've ever seen. Well, Bing thinks of everything. Jack, turn that little knob there on the side. The side of the suitcase? This knob here? Mm-hmm. Go ahead. Turn it. Well, I'll be darned. Minute-made orange juice. Well, Bob is awfully nice here to lend me this bag. Hey, wait a minute. What's this? Looks like a little sun bonnet. Oh, Lord, we packed the baby's things in this when we went to Palm Springs. I guess we forgot to take some of the things out. Oh, isn't this cute? The tiniest little dress I've ever seen. Look at these baby shoes, too. Bob, I mean, what does a baby need with all these handkerchiefs? Jack, they're not handkerchiefs. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, yeah. Well, Jack, I've got to be running along because... Excuse me, minute, Bob. I want to answer the phone. Hello? I'm already, Chuck. I've got my bags packed, and I'm in my room on the third floor. But I'm a little nervous, so you'll have to carry me down the ladder. Goodbye, Chuck. Well, that's ridiculous. See, I haven't thought of eloping since I saw Theta Bearer in Passion's Plaything. Why can't that girl get the right number? Is there anything wrong, Jack? Yes, Bob, but it's a long story. Well, I think I'd better get back home. You know, I'm rehearsing a new song, and Charlie Bagby's coming over to accompany me on the piano. Have a nice trip. Oh, thanks a lot, Bob. Give my regards to Charlie, and... Hey, wait a minute. Say, could it be... No, I guess not. But then again, nah, it's silly to even think that. What's the matter, Jack? But tell me, is Charlie Bagby ever called Chuck? Huh? No, why? Well, some girl keeps calling me, and she's going to a lope with some guy named Chuck. Oh, that wouldn't be Bagby. He hates women now. What do you mean now? Well, Jack, didn't you know that Charlie was all set to be married? And on the very day of the wedding, his girl jilted him? You mean she stood him up? Yeah, but he fell right back down again. Well, I don't blame her then. Say, Bob, what's the name of this new number you're rehearsing with Bagby? Well, it's called Keep It a Secret. Would you like to hear it? Yes, yes, go ahead. My darling, with somebody new Keep it a secret Whatever you do Why should you tell me And break my poor heart Then Fully's pride Would just drop Hating the town With a boy she once knew Attention And just let it be A secret from me With a boy and child And just let I'll catch you too. Gee, thanks, Jack. Well, I guess I'll run along now. Well, goodbye. See you when I get back. Oh, by the way, enjoy yourself. Oh, thanks. You know, enjoy yourself. Yes, I love myself. Enjoy yourself. The weather in New York can get pretty cold. Are you taking your long underwear? Jack, I said, are you taking your long underwear? Mr. Crosby, you're new here. We've done all those flap jokes. Well, so long. So long, Jack. Put all the extra clothes in the suitcase and hurry. Well, I want to be ready when Miss Livingston picks me up. Oh, Pauline. Pauline. Yes, Miss Livingston. If there are any calls from me while I'm gone, tell them I'll be back as soon as Mr. Benny's train leaves. Yes, ma'am. Miss Livingston, what's he going to New York for this time? Well, the Friars are giving Bob Hope a testimonial dinner, and Mr. Benny is supposed to make a speech there. Is he a good after-dinner speaker? Oh, yes. You should have heard him last night. He made one of the most stirring after-dinner speeches I ever heard. Where was that? At the thrifty drug store. Yes, right after we had dinner, he jumped up on the counter and complained about the bill. Gee, Miss Livingston, what did you do? What I always do, I paid it and we went home. Jack is a big hit in New York. You know, Miss Livingston, I don't think it's fair. What isn't fair, Pauline? Well, Mr. Benny goes to testimonial dinners and gets all the glory, but you're the real star of his radio program. Oh, Pauline, you're sweet, but Mr. Benny has more to say on the show than I do. Straight lines, yes, but you get all the laughs. Oh, Pauline. Yes, you do. And where would he be if you didn't read all those hilarious letters from your mother? Well... And what would happen if he couldn't make jokes about you working at the May Company? Yeah. And every week, he gets a great big salary and all you get is a few dollars. Hmm. I never thought of that. Barry, what's keeping you? I ought to slap your face. What is it? The stooge. It's the station, so I might as well do it. Well, here we are at the station. Oh, that's all right, Ry, testing. And now, boss, I'll park the car and take care of the baggage while you get your tickets. That'll make everything according to your schedule. Schedule? Yes. You see, Mary, I have so little time on this trip that I got everything planned. I catch the Super Cheap here at 8 p.m. tonight. I'm at Chicago at noon the day after tomorrow. I get on the 20th century at 5 o'clock, arrive in New York at 9 a.m. Go to my room at the Acme Plaza, take a nap until 4 in the afternoon, get up, wash, shave, and shower by 5, dress by 6, get to the Waldorf by 8, and attend Bob Hope's dinner. Then catch the plane at 11.30 and be home the next morning. Boy, what you won't go through to get a free meal. Free meal, free meal. Come on, let's get in the station. Train no leaving on track 5 for Anna... Oh, Rochester, take your bag. How come you're carrying that suitcase? I want to take extra good care of it, Mary. It's a very expensive bag. It belongs to Bing Crosby. Oh. Say, Jack, let's go over to the soda fountain. I'm kind of thirsty. Just get a lily cup. I'll give you some orange juice. On second thought, we haven't time for that. Let's see, where do I get my tickets validating? Attention, please. Attention. The sunset limit is now leaving for Baton Rouge, New Orleans, and Jambalaya. Son of a gun, we have big fun on the bio. Mary, you wait here for me, will you? Okay, I'll go over to the newsstand and buy a magazine. Okay. Now, let's see if I... Oh, hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Don. Oh, boy, I'm sure glad I caught you. You almost didn't, Don. It's just a few minutes of train time. I know, but it wasn't my fault. My wife and I took her nephew Tommy out to dinner. Tommy? Oh, yes, I know him. He's that mischievous little kid, isn't he? Ah, he's not so bad, Jack. Isn't he, Don? That kid can get into more trouble. Well, as a matter of fact, he did embarrass me a little. I can imagine. That boy is the worst. What happened? Well, after dinner, I paid the check and left a couple of bucks for the waitress, and then we drove home, and when we got there, Tommy stuck out his hand and said, Uncle, here's the two dollars you left on the table. See, what a wonderful kid. I had them all wrong, you know. The Union Pacific screenwriter now arriving from Las Vegas on track 17. Now, Don, excuse me, I've got to get my ticket, fellas. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, Jack. Before you go, the sportsman Quartet came down to say hello to you and welcome you back. Well, that's all. Say hello to me. Don, I'm going away. I'm leaving. They know that, Jack, but they can't be here at the station when you come back, so they're going to say hello to you now. But, Don, Don, that's the silliest thing. Pick it, fellas. Don, what kind of a thing is that? I'm leaving. I'm going away. The song could have made me late for my train. Now, I've got to get my ticket validated. Attention, please. Attention. We have a special announcement to make about our lost and found department. It's been lost. Let's see. Well, there's the window where I'm supposed to go. I hope I don't... Hello. Stop in here. Why? Well, what are you doing here at the station, Mr. Kitto? I'm waiting to meet my wife's train. She's coming back from Chicago. Oh, from Chicago, eh? Yeah. Was she visiting relatives there? No, she was a delegate at the Republican Convention. Wait a minute, Mr. Kitto. The convention was held in July. What kept her so long? They let her make a speech, and she just finished. Oh, oh, I take it your wife talks a lot, eh? I say, the observation. In fact, it was because of this that we almost didn't got married. What do you mean you didn't got married? The preacher asked her, do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, and she went into our filibuster? Mr. Kitto, you're joking. Joking, he says. But anyway, I'm glad she's coming back today. This is our wedding anniversary, and when she gets off the train, I wouldn't even let her unpack her bag. I'm taking her straight to Niagara. Oh, Niagara Falls? No, Niagara, the picture. I want to see Marilyn Monroe. Oh, you like Marilyn Monroe, huh? Oh, you're so crazy about Marilyn, why are you taking your wife to the picture? I want her to see why we don't get along. The super chief departs on track nine in ten minutes. Well, I better go get my ticket validated, Mr. Kitto. I'm going to New York. New York? How I envy you. What a city. How I'd like to see the bright lights, the tall buildings, the busy streets, the green fields. The green fields? Everything in Max Greenfield, my cousin. Yes, yes, I met them. Oh, by the way, Mr. Bennett, you can do me a big favor. Oh, I'll be glad to. What is it? Well, I got an uncle in New York, really a kid. He's like the black sheep in the family. Never voice, can't hold a job, practically a bomb. Uh-huh. The only way he gets along is when the family gives him a little spending money. Here, take this $10 bill and give it to him for me. Oh, it's certainly when I get to New York, I'll call him up. What's his phone number? I don't know, but he's living in a dump called the Acme Plaza. Well, I'll see if I can find the hotel. Goodbye, Mr. Kitto. Oh, there's the window. Attention, please, attention. The new 160-mile-an-hour super streak now leaving for Phoenix, El Paso, St. Louis, New York, and maybe London. What does he mean, maybe London? It has bad brakes. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. Hey, yeah, Halladated? No, I ran into Mr. Kitzel. Well, you better hurry. The super chief will be leaving soon. I know. Here, I brought you some magazines. A Saturday evening post, Reader's Digest, Colliers, and Jack, you'll love this book. What is it? How to make money straightening Gopher's teeth. Mary, you're very funny. I may think so. Well, never mind. Attention, please, attention. This is contrary to our policy, but there is someone here who wishes to make a special announcement. Go ahead. Chuck, I got out of the house myself and I'm waiting for you. I would have been here sooner, but I stopped at the bank and drew out all of my money. $10,000. $10,000. Coming! Oh, excuse me, Mary. What's the matter with me? I don't even know her. Now, Mary, wait here. I'm going to take care of my ticket. There's that window over there. Oh, mister, are you the man who validates tickets? No, I'm just here because I was born with this rubber stamp in my hand. Look, all I want you to do is validate my ticket. Very well. Where are you going? To New York. Now if we can just get rid of the smart. Not my ticket, but not my Pullman's face. Well, would you like a compartment? No, no, I'm by myself. A roommate? No, I don't even need that. As a matter of fact, I don't even need a lower birth. Tell me, do you have any uppers? Well, I... Wait a minute. Ask me that again. Do you have any uppers? Yes, and if you don't go away, I'll bite you. You're very funny. You're my butler, I think so. Now cut that! We're leaving for Kansas City and Chicago. I will if this man will stamp my ticket. Okay, there. Now go already. Look out, Mary. I got a run for it. Goodbye. God, give me a boost. What? Oh, she's not talking to me. Come on, Chuck. Give me a boost. Okay, honey. Give me your hand. Well, I'll be darned. It really is Bag B. Ladies and gentlemen, thousands of people are destitute because of the recent floods in Holland. You can help these people in rehabilitating their homes and their lands by sending a care food, linen, or tool package. So won't you please help? Send your donations to care at C-A-R-E, care, Los Angeles or New York. Thank you. First, a word to cigarette smokers. Nothing, no, nothing beats better taste. And remember, Lucky tastes better Cleaner, fresher, smoother Lucky tastes better Cleaner, fresher, smoother Lucky's strike means Time to back off Richard's tasting Mind to back off Lucky tastes better Cleaner, fresher, smoother Lucky strikes Friends, the taste of your cigarette is all important. For in a cigarette, nothing, no nothing beats better taste. And Lucky's tastes better. Cleaner and fresher and smoother. You see, Lucky's better tastes really begins with fine, light, truly mild tobacco. Yes, LS, MFT, Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Good tasting tobacco, of course. Then too, Lucky's taste better because they're made better. Made to give you a cleaner, fresher, smoother tasting smoke. So friends, remember how important better taste is to your enjoyment of a cigarette. And remember that Lucky strike gives you the better taste of fine tobacco in a better made cigarette. But most of all, remember to pick up a carton of Lucky's tomorrow. Yes, be happy. Go Lucky. Be happy. Go Lucky. Get better taste today. Now let's see. After applying braces to the gopher's teeth, you apply pressure by tightening every three months. Oh, this is ridiculous. I'll just sit here and... Hmm. I wonder why all the passengers are going up toward the front of the train. I think I'll follow them and see. Everybody's crowded around the engineer. I wonder what he's doing. By the power vested in me by the address in Topeka and Santa Fe, I now pronounce you man and wife. Good night, folks. This program is written by Sam Taren, Milt Josephsburg, George Balzer, John Packaberry, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks. Be sure to hear The American Way with Paula's hype for Lucky strike every Thursday over this same station. Consult your newspaper for the time. Brought to you by Lucky strike, product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. This is the CBS Radio Network.