 Hello my YouTube family, welcome to another NARC Survivor Live video, this live video is very special because in my five and a half years of making videos I've never spoken about this topic before and this is a brand new concept that I have been thinking about over the last few weeks and it is actually very true, you may think that they got the best of you as though they just drained you of everything you had, they took the best part of you when actually it is the opposite, they got the worst of you, you had so much more to offer, you could have been so much more to them, because remember they want that narcissistic supply, they want attention, validation, they want you to help support their false image, give them money or resources and you may have given them some of that, you may have provided supply to them but that was on their terms and under their conditions and of course that put us at a disadvantage, it put us at a weak point, I mean just imagine if we were in charge of everything in that relationship, imagine what we could have been for them, we could have been so much more, then we could have given the best of ourselves to them, so they actually got the worst of us because they had to be the boss, they had to be in charge, they had to hold an authoritative position over us to where we were like their slaves, we were working for them and we had the power, we had the strength to do all of this for them, but imagine if we were the ones who were in charge, then we could have done so much more, we could have given them so much more and I know this from my own experience in past relationships, well the narcissist always had to be the boss, they had to be in charge and they didn't really get that much out of it, I mean they got something out of it but they could have had a hundred times more, if they had just listened to me it would have gone so much better for them, so really they do get the worst of us, get the best of them because remember they come into it with a false character that they believe is perfect, so they give us the best of them as soon as they come around us, whenever they deem to be most attractive, desirable, powerful about themselves, that's what they give to us from the very beginning, but by doing that by having this power over us they don't get to see just how great we really are, they don't get to see what we could do, they only experience people at their worst, they have to break you down, they manipulate and control you and that's when they get you, they use a false character, they don't experience you directly, they can't connect to you, they have to break you down first before they can even get involved with you, so how could they ever have the best of you, that's what they have to do, they have to make you miserable and then they can feel like they own you as though you're their possession, but they can't feel like you're their possession when you have freedom, when you're able to do whatever you want to do, when things are on your terms and under your conditions, then they can only review you as a narcissistic extension, they feel like they're losing control of you, so then they've got to pull on the wings, they've got to pull you back in and immediately by doing that they're weakening you, they're getting far less than what they could be getting out of you, because they have to be in control, they have to push you down, they have to suck the life out of you, so they don't get to enjoy you at your best when you're happy and full of life, they don't get to have a piece of art, they don't get to partaking that, they only get to experience you when you're down, when you're at your worst, that's all that they get to experience from you, they don't ever get the best parts of their victims or targets from all of this manipulation and control as having to have this authoritative possession over you instead of just letting you run free like a child, you're free to roam the earth and develop into the type of person that you want to be but you can then just develop your own identity instead of getting that what could have been the best part of you for them, all they get is the garbage, they get the worst parts of you, they get the worst side of you rather than anything real but believe it or not that's actually what they want, they're willing to settle for that because otherwise they look at it like well if you're free to govern yourself, to be autonomous then why would you stick around with them when you can do so much better, you can be so much more but just look at it like then you wouldn't want anything to do of them because then you would realize that you're so much better than them and that they're just holding you down, they're holding you back, this is another reason why when they get around people like us they have to manipulate and control us not only so that we don't see who they actually are because they're hiding behind a false character but the other reason is also so that we don't see just how great we are because they're keeping us down through the use of their manipulation and control they're holding this position of authority over us it's almost like they've got us tied down, we can't move, we can't roam freely, we can't do what we want to do, we can't be who we want to be, we can't be better, we can't be more, this is why as soon as you get away from them everything gets so much better for you and I've experienced that in my own life, as soon as you get away from their control then you're able to transition from this caterpillar to a cocoon and then into a beautiful butterfly and that's what they fear the most, they fear that when you transition from that cocoon into a beautiful butterfly that you're just going to fly far away from them I realize then that they're actually no good for you, they're just holding you down, they're holding you back, they're preventing you from being the best version of yourself because that's the only way that they can keep you, that's the only way that they can contain you as their source of supply, so all they ever get is fake, they don't get the real parts of you, they don't get the best version of you and they never will they had the worst of you, just look at everything you went through with them, you experienced so much abuse and manipulation, you really think that was the best of you, of course not, it could be so much more than that, just imagine what you could have been, what you could have given to them without that manipulation, without the control, without all of the abuse, without everything that was keeping you down, that was restricting you, preventing you from being the person that you were meant to be and then they could have got the best part of you, if they let you do that, if they didn't have so much control over you, if they didn't restrict you, if they let you to just roam free, have your freedom, make your own decisions, think for yourself, but they were willing to settle for the worst of you, they were willing to do that and the reason why is because they look at it like if they give you space and let you grow, then you're going to realize just how great you are, this amazing person that you are and then you're going to realize that they're just holding you back, they're weighing you down and then all that's left for you to do, once you become the best version of yourself then you need to find a suitable mate who's more on your level, someone who's as good as you, someone who can reciprocate what you're giving out, what you were giving to them and that's what they fear, but then also what you were giving to them, there may have been a lot to them, but you were capable of so much more, you could have done so much more for them, but then would you have done so much more for them, if you woke up and you realized who they actually were and when you're the best version of yourself, I mean that's not really a good deal is it, to be stuck with someone like that who hasn't even worked on themselves, they're not on your level, then you're going to want to go and find someone who is more on your level, that's why they've got to keep you down, but by doing that they only get the worst of you, it's not possible for a narcissist to get the best, because knowing in the right mind, once you take away that manipulation and control, no one's going to want to be around someone like that, a narcissist who they are and they're the false character, they haven't even worked on themselves and in some ways it's like the Disney movie Beauty and the Beast, only it's kind of the opposite, but then the Beast turns into this handsome man, his prince at the end of the movie, so I mean maybe if you look at the Beast, as though he was a victim of narcissistic abuse, I mean who knows, maybe he was, you don't really know that part of the story, but then it did seem as though yes, actually the Beast, the Beast and the Beauty and the Beast, he was pretty much, he was like a victim of a smear campaign of everyone in the town, he was a target of gang stalking, but then he met Belle, this beautiful girl, they fell in love and then, then he turned from this Beast into a handsome prince, so yeah that kind of aligns with what I'm speaking about with you in some ways, if you look at the the narcissists or the people of that town who are attacking the Beast, they only got the worst of him, all they got was the Beast, and yet that girl Belle comes to Browns, she meets him, falls in love with him and then she gets the best of him, even though yeah I know it's kind of superficial, it's more just about his physical appearance, but that's kind of what it's like, yeah these narcissists I think they enjoy that as well, they do enjoy getting the worst side of us, because remember they're toxic, they're dysfunctional, they love chaos and drama, they love the fights, they love the arguments, they enjoy all of that, they can't thrive in a functional environment, so even if they loosened the reins on you and they gave you back control of your life, what good would that be for them, so you can grow and become healthy and then they're still desiring to argue and fight with you, they're just going to want to pull you back into it because they can't grow, they can't be better, all they get is a tiny slice of the pie, they get the crumbs, not the loaf and the crumbs don't taste as good as the loaf, this is why when they leave they always come back, but after that they hoover a victim seven times before it's finally all over, because they intuitively know you're so much better without them, when they're gone you're the best part of yourself, when they're not there, so they go and then you have time to regenerate and rebuild and then that's when they come back seeking a piece of the action, but you can't ever be the best of yourself under their authority and control, it doesn't work that way, and this is more than just a theory that I'm giving you in this video, I've experienced this myself for my own life, I've seen it so many times where it's like if they just backed off and let me do what I need to do, let me have the power, let me have the authority, the control of myself and my own life, then I could do everything, I could make things so much better for them, but then they can't stand losing your attention, they hate it when your focus is on something else, but if they could then you could focus on other things, you could focus on your work, your business, making money, you could give them everything, but they just don't let you, because they've got to have that supply, they've got to have someone who is their doormat, someone who's at their back and call, but by doing that all they get is the worst of you, and it really is a stupid decision that they make, they're so arrogant and delusional, I mean I've had clients who are psychotherapists, even a lawyer, and they get around people like that, I'm just a psychotherapist as an example, maybe when she was in her job, when she's working, she's very confident about what she does, when she's dealing with her clients, she feels like she knows everything that she needs to know to perform that job well, and then when she gets around the narcissist, she's no longer that psychotherapist, and it's like your mind goes blank, you don't know who you are, you don't know what you're capable of, you don't feel like you're good enough, they're arrogance and having to be superior, it's a big problem in every relationship that they get into, they can't let the other person be right, they can't let them be who they are, and yet they've got to target the best of the best, they target people who are confident, successful, hard-working, many of them are doctors and lawyers, they get around those people just to target their self-esteem, just to make them feel like they're not good enough, just to make them feel small, and by doing that they get the worst of them, they get far less than what they actually have to give, so they ruin it for themselves, and that's how I myself, I mean it's how I've become the man that I am today, by accepting that other people are actually above me in some ways, I will always be a student in everything that I do, and I believe that it's the right way to be, because that's how we learn, that's how we grow, that's how we become better, so of course when I began researching narcissistic abuse over six years ago, I got on YouTube, I was reading articles and reports, and I had to accept at that point, I'm a beginner, a novice, I don't know anything, I'm just learning, I had to accept that, I had to accept that other YouTubers, bloggers, writers, they know more than I do, and that I had to learn from them, that I also watch videos on how to communicate effectively, so that I could then become the man that you see today, that's just how it has to be done, what narcissists do is they see something and it's like all right, and that today, without putting in any of the work, so then all they have is a false character, but believe it or not, when they're giving you that false character, you're getting the best of what they have to give, because if they didn't give you that, then instead, what would you get? You just get a narcissistic injury, their rage, I mean that's the worst that they have to give, their narcissistic rage, it doesn't get any worse than that, but when they're giving you the false character and they're manipulating you, that's really the best that they've got to give, and even then it's not even real, but yeah, they never get the best of us, all they get is the worst of what we have to give, but essentially, it's like a horse and cart, like you're sitting in the cart, the horse is taking you to where you need to go, maybe the horse is a bit tired that day, doesn't really like being under control, and you're just whipping it trying to get it to go, and it's like, if you just leave that horse alone for a few days, give it some time to eat, get some sleep, and they just let it roam around by itself, you'd be surprised what it can do, you'd be surprised how fast it can go, and it's the same thing with us, even though they target the best of the best and they think they've got a good deal with us, they had the worst deal because they were the ones who had to be in control, we could have been far greater than that, we could have given them a hundred times more, so they settled for less, I mean when you look at it, they got duped, they got deceived more than we did, well at the same time we didn't do anything to them, because they deceived themselves, they deceived themselves, it could have gone so much better for them, but then as I said earlier, could it have, because kind of like, let's say you have a pet, it says you know I've got a pet, so I've got my cat, Marla, just as an example, let's say you have a cat, and you never play with a cat, you never give it any attention, you never feed it, it's always hungry, never gets any food, and it's just bored, just sleeping in the house all the time, what do you think would happen, if one day you left the door open, you forgot to close the door, do you think that cat would still be in that house, or would have run away, you probably never see it again, and why, because it knows it can get better treatment elsewhere, and even if it's not so much that someone else might come and take care of it, it knows that it can just run off and go anywhere, it can just go off anywhere in this world, and take better care of itself, and that's just understand this, this is why they have to have so much control over us, to where they become obsessed and they're watching you every move, they're stalking, they're harassing you, they start spear campaigns to control you, because it's the same thing, like I mentioned in that cat analogy, you leave a cat in the house, you never give it any food, you never play with it, it's bored, it's hungry, of course if you forget to close the door, it's going to run away and you will never see it again, it's never going to come back to you, but what do you think would happen, and I've seen this myself, and it's one of those things it really is, it really made me smile, and I remember these moments to this day, really just touches my heart, this connection that we have as man with animals with our pets, but yeah of course you know, you can probably imagine the way I am with my cats, I love to give her that freedom, when I travel I like to let her roam free, I would often get villas or ground floor apartments if I could, just so she could go outside, and that was actually one of the main reasons why I began traveling, I had this dream in my mind, yes we'll be in another country, a hot tropical country, on the ground floor where Nala can run out and explore, because back in the UK I had an apartment on the floor, she couldn't go anywhere, again just like with my cat Nala, I've always taken excellent care of her, given her plenty of food, always the best food, grain free, and high meat content, and I play with her a lot, I give her everything she needs, and of course there has been times where the doors left open, she gets excited, or sometimes I'm in the car, and I just let her out a little bit, she ran off far away, sometimes she's been gone for hours, I remember one time in Scotland the window was left open and this was on the second floor, which was really high up, but somehow she jumped out, slid down the wall, probably in the middle of the night, and I didn't see her for over 24 hours, of course every time that she ran off, she always came back, and why does she come back, because she already knows what to expect when she does come back, she knows that I'm going to be there to give her a hug, give her her food, take care of her, play with her, and that's probably why I am the way that I am, that's why I'm not so controlling, because I already know the value of what I have, so I don't need to control my cat, I can't let her go, knowing that she will come back, and also of course in some ways I do think that, you know it's like if you do think that you can do better out there, you think that you can take care of yourself, then you do have that freedom, you do have that choice to do that, but she never does, she always comes back, of course at the same time we have to manage the risk as well, because if I'm staying near a road, of course I don't just let her run around then, because I've seen, I remember the other day I saw a cat, a dead cat on the side of the road, and its head was split, and I just thought to myself I couldn't imagine if that was my cat, it would break me, so of course yes sometimes there does need to be some authority, some control, but the difference, you know there is a clear difference between that and narcissism, and here it is, narcissistic authority hinders you, and healthy authority helps you, that is the clear difference, one will make you better and the other will make you worse, so it's really that simple, but yeah I'm going back to, you know I love my cat Nala, going back to Nala, I get the best of my cats, I really do, I get all of her love, her affection, when I'm with Nala I can tell that she really loves me, she cares about me, I've asked because I don't control her, and because I reciprocate I give her what she needs, and they also give her that freedom as well when I can, as long as it doesn't put her in danger, because again that's love, I mean of course, you know like with our kids if we just let them go play on a busy road, yeah you're not controlling them, you've given them that freedom, but is that love, I think that's a lack of care, that's neglect, fair enough if you let them go out to play in a safe place, where you know they're not at a high risk of harm, then yeah that's love, so of course we do need to factor in the risk of danger and harm, that is important as well, but with narcissists it's just all about control, keeping us down, limiting us, it's not just about our safety, if anything it's to protect their supply, to protect their ego, it's just all about them, and this is how they only get the worst of us, they never get the best of us, but then again do they really want that because it's like do they want that loving kind caring affection outside of us, not really, I don't think they care about that, they realised in the beginning that that's who we are, and they mirrored that back to us, they gave us a reflection of ourselves, but then later on they take that away, because that's not really them, that's not really what they like or what they're about, so they get the worst of us, and in some ways they like that, I mean they don't care about intimacy, love or connection, so why would they care about that, but then when it comes to superficial things like maybe if you had more energy, more time to work hard and make money, then yeah they're missing out on that, I mean that's all that it really gives, money and resources, you could have given them more of that, so they get the worst of that, they could have had so much more, so that's what they're missing, that's what they're losing, and also their supply, because they do quite clearly want your attention, your validation, but how much of that can you give when they're keeping you down, they're depleting you of your energy every day, you could have given them so much more attention, so much more validation, but then again is that really satisfying for them, because they like to force it out of you, they're like rapists, they like it when you don't want to do something, and then they can manipulate you into doing it, or force you into doing it, that's what they like, that's just how it is with narcissists, when you want them, they don't want you, and that's typically how the cycle of abuse goes, it always runs that way with narcissists, that's what separates them from the rest of us, because in the beginning, when they're pursuing you, they're chasing you, they're love bombing and manipulating you, why are they doing all of that, it's because they know that you don't really want them, so they've got to prove themselves to you, they've got to love bomb you to lure you in, and then as soon as they know they've got you, they've got you wrapped around their finger, they've got you attached to emotionally invested, that's when they pull away and you see who they really are, because when you want them, they don't want you, and then when you really want them, and not just want them, you need them, because they've drained the life out of you and you can't even survive on your own, that's where they just look at you like you're garbage, that's where they discard you, and then you spend some time away from them, you regain your energy, your vitality, and then it's that exact moment, it's like they can sense it, they've got a predatory six cents, they can feel it when your energy shifts, and it's like all right I'm done longing and going in for them, I'm done wishing that they would be here for me, that they would come back, and now I'm just going to focus on myself, I'm going to focus on what I need to do to make myself and my life better, as soon as you have that epiphany, that realization, that's when they come back, that exact moment when you no longer want them, and it's always going to be that way, it was like that at the very beginning, when they love bombed you, you didn't really want them, you didn't really notice them, they wanted you, and then as soon as you wanted them, they devalued you, and that made you want them even more, you tried even harder, you were willing to do anything to please them, and then they discarded you, and then you forgot about them, you tried to make things better for yourself, and then they come back, and the cycle goes on and on, when I have made seven times before the final discard, and typically it is the victim who has the final discard, because they're going to keep coming back, as long as they feel like you don't want them, they will always be there, and that's when they become obsessed, that's when they stalk and harass you, because they see it, they realize that you don't want them, that's why they're constantly coming back with the false character, that's why they smear you, that's why they do all of those things, it's when they realize that you don't want them, and they feel rejected by you, because you've got to look at it like this, just think about this right, why would someone stalk and harass you, why would they be obsessively watching you from behind the scenes, stalking your social media, why would they start a spear campaign against you, why would they need to do any of that, if they know that you want them, that doesn't make any sense, they do it because they know you don't want them, but you may not have realized that yet because you may still be holding on to the false character, but that's why they do it, because they feel rejected by you, all of these things that come after the discard, the stalking, the harassment, the smear campaigns, that's all because they feel rejected by you, because they feel like you don't want them, I mean otherwise they would just come back, they wouldn't need to do any of that, they do it because they know you don't want them, and you may not realize it because you're holding on to the false character, what you don't know is that even if they do come back with a false character, it's not going to last for long, you may see through it straight away, so they know there's just no point in even giving that to you, and instead just relying on the stalking, the monitoring, the smear campaigns, because at least then they can be in control of that, what they can't be in control of is your direct perceptions of them when they're around you, they can't control that, but they can control you at a distance when they're not in your immediate vicinity, so that's why they do that, they get what they get is the worst of you and they accept it, other than maybe money, resources, attention, validation, not made for straight thumb, and they may feel they lost there, they got a bad deal, they settled for less, at some level they may see that, but then they may also be in denial and just push it away because they don't want to think about that, because what can they really do about it, they've got to keep you under their manipulation and control, they've got to have that authority over you, because they do not want that to be the other way around, they do not want you to have a clear mind where you know exactly who you are, you realise how great you are and you can become the best version of yourself, why, just so that you can then look down on them, because that's how they're seeing it and that's why they don't ever want that to happen, they don't ever want it to get to that point, but I think there's also a message from this for us as well, for how we can have a healthy relationship, what I really look at is my relationship that I've had with my cat, who I've had for almost seven years now, which is the longest relationship I've ever had outside of family, so a good relationship is one where you reciprocate, you take care of the other person's needs, you give them freedom to be themselves, like with my cats, I don't even groom her, I don't even cut her claws because she doesn't like that, so I let her be a cat, the cat that she wants to be, and when I can I give her space, so I let her go outside of road free, but also I keep in mind if we're near roads that could be dangerous, if there's cars, because of course I don't want her to get hurt, so yeah I think there's a message out of this for us as well, when we're in a healthy relationship to give the other person that freedom that they need, and yeah I get it, you may have anxiety, you may feel abandonment, you may worry, you know, what if this person, they have that freedom to become everything that they want to be, and what if they start feeling like they're too good for us, I thought they can find better, well just like with my cat, I've experienced that many times, where I let her go out, and of course I thought to myself, you know, what if she feels like she can do better on her own, and I just looked at it like, you know, that's what love is, love is freedom, acceptance, letting go, if a person thinks they can go off and do better somewhere else without you, then let them do that, of course when we're dealing with children, if they're under 18, and you know using your discernment, you know that if they go somewhere, it's going to be bad for them, they're going to be worse off, and your parents, well it's kind of a good duty then to step in and take charge of that situation, but when you're dealing with another adult, you know, it's just the way it is today, even when you know that your partner may be going off into a worse situation, what can you do about it these days, there's not much you can do, I mean there used to be a time many decades ago, it's like, let's say I'm married and I have a wife, and she wants to go out to the club with the girls, she wants to get drunk, and who knows what could happen to her there being around all of these drunk sloppy guys, she might get into trouble, she could get raped, she could get attacked, anything could happen, I mean there would be a time decades ago where you could step in and be like, no, I have the authority of this household, I'm not going to let you go, you're my wife, these days you can't do that, you don't have the power anymore, if you do that then she could say that you're the narcissist, she could accuse you of coercive control, and she could call the police and get you locked up as sad as that sounds, and I think this is something that many of us men experience, and maybe some of the women who are watching this as well, but I'm just talking about from my own perspective here, it's sad because at the same time it's like if you love someone, give them that freedom, just accept it, let them go, let them do what they want to do, but then it's like, hold on, I know that this is bad for them, I know that this is wrong, but then you can't step in to help, so even though that would be love, because as I said before, you know, while you want to give your kids their freedom, you're not just going to let them play on a busy road where they could get run over, so love in that situation is when they say, oh I want to go play on this road, you say no, that's love, setting that boundary is love, you can't set that boundary with your partners these days, so in some ways because of all of this authority, the courts and the police, and while I do appreciate sometimes it may protect real victims, but as we know the courts do tend to favour narcissists, and they also step in the middle of the love that we could otherwise have for our partners and also our children as well in some situations where otherwise we would be able to set that boundary and say no, not because we're mean, but because we love them, just like with that analogy of the kids playing on the road, you're not going to tell them no just to be mean, just be cruel, something to do with that, it's because you know if they're playing a busy road, something could happen, they could get hurt, setting that boundary so you know that's love, so sometimes love is giving that freedom and letting go, sometimes love is saying no, and not letting them go, but sadly these days we're not allowed to do that, and the crazy thing is if you try to do that these days with your partners, sometimes even your own children, you could be accused of being a narcissist yourself, you could be accused of assaults, maybe even rape, and you could get into a lot of trouble just for trying to love them, just for telling them no, I'm not going to let you go to that club tonight, but there's all of these drunk people and you could get attacked, you could get raped, no I'm going to keep you in here and I'm going to lock the door so that you can't get out, if you do that you could get into a lot of trouble these days, you could go to jail, but then that's the thing because if your partner really loves you and understands you, then you would think that she would submit, she would listen, she would see your point of view that yeah, I mean for a start it's kind of weird if you're married and you go into a club alone with your friends, I mean that's just my personal perspective, we all have our own ideas on what's okay and what's not, for me that wouldn't be okay, but yeah it's interesting when we look at it from this perspective it's kind of funny, I mean it's not always the case, you know sometimes people are actually a danger, as I've experienced myself they're very possessive and controlling, even violent and you know you would hope that the police would be there to protect you then, but then in some situations, I mean it's not where do we draw the line because I guess in some ways if someone's doing that, you know like if it's your wife that's just trying to go out to a club and it could be dangerous, there's all these drunk people and she's supposed to be married to you, you probably shouldn't have married someone like that to begin with, so if that happens maybe the best thing to do is just to let them go and then just start making your exit plan, figure out how you're going to leave because you shouldn't have to control someone to that point, if someone's going to go out and go to a club and cheat on you, you shouldn't have to keep them in the house, you shouldn't have to lock the door, they should have enough sense as an adult, I mean fair enough if it's a child, sometimes you do have to use force because you know they're not fully mature and they are impulsive, they do just think about what they want to do in that moment, we shouldn't have to control other adults to that degree, but that's what narcissists do, they will control every aspect of your life, I forget about going to the club or anything like that, I mean just simple things, just like holes in interest that you may have, you can't even be yourself around them, you can't do what you want to do, but because of that they get the worst of you, they never get to see who you actually are, they never get to see what you're best, all they get is the crumbs, so they lose out on that attention, validation, money and resources that they could have had, but then also at some point you may have realised that you're too good for them, that you're going to leave them and find someone who is more on your level, because narcissists are lazy, they don't want to do the work, but I can understand if someone actually is doing the work, are they trying something, maybe they're not where they want to be right now, as long as they're trying something, and I've been that person as well, where it's like I've been with people who weren't on my level, but then I tried to help them, I tried to put them in a better place, I tried to help them to start a business, but then those were the narcissists that I dealt with as well, but then again not everyone is like that, there are people out there who are doing their best and unfortunately for whatever reason it's just not paying off, they're not where they want to be, and if you can still accept them, if you still have that love, then I think that's okay, there's always going to be these exceptions, there are, but most often as I said yesterday in my live video, it is better to be with someone on your level, when you're around these fake ass narcissists, that's how they get in, they get around people who are better than them, and they're not trying to do anything, they're not trying to change, they're lazy, they don't want to put in the work, they don't want to do what you would be willing to do for them if you were in their position, and that's how you know you should stay far away from them, because it's like it's not that they can't do something, it's also that they're not even willing to try, or they don't have the energy to even put in that work and do it, and then that's how we get stuck, we get left behind, that's how they keep us down, because you're the one who's running endlessly on that hamster wheel, doing everything that you can for them, and then what are they giving back to you, nothing, so you get depleted in your energy, then you're the one who gets the short end of the stick, while at the same time you've got the best of them, you're at their fullest character, that's as good as it gets, because other than that all you're gonna get is the narcissistic rage, but then they got the worst of you, they get the smallest amount of attention, validation, money, energy, and resources from you, because you could have been so much more to them, and that's why as soon as you leave them, things do start to get better for you, as I've noticed for myself and my own experience, but yeah I realized this as well, when you're around them, when you're around a narcissist, maybe not immediately but after a short amount of time, you're going to deteriorate, I mean you give it a false character to begin with, so you're never even being yourself around them, because you're interacted with something that's not even real, so immediately they've got to pull you into their fake world, so when you're around a narcissist you can never be yourself, you can never be real, not only ever impose a false character upon you, if you're only ever going to be your worst self, whenever you go around them, as soon as you get away from them, you can go on that journey to become in the best version of yourself, that begins as soon as you leave them, as soon as you leave that's when you begin to heal, a new concept, my first time really speaking about this and going deep into it, I've never really spoken about this before in my videos over the past five and a half years, they stand on it, I do believe that it's true, when you're around a narcissist, you're only ever going to be not yourself, the worst of yourself, they will never, never get the best of you, while you see not only the best of them at the very beginning, even though that's fake and it's not really them, but then also as it moves to the devaluation, you then see the narcissistic rage, which is the worst version of them, but then that's actually who they really are as well, I hope you all found this new concept helpful, because I know a lot of you, you feel a lot of shame, you feel bad about yourself, you feel like you were robbed, you lost it all, you gave the best of yourself to this person, you were cheated, deceived, no actually they deceived themselves by not letting you be you, they got the worst of you, and that's all you really need to know, they didn't get the best of you, they never get the best of you, and you can move on and save that for someone else, save it for someone who deserves it, give the best of yourself to someone who will give the best of themselves to you, anyway thank you all for joining me on another Narc Survivor Live video, if you found this video helpful hit that 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