 A lot of times men will just make up these dates that they think the women are going to enjoy, you know, like instead of thinking about it that way, like how can I impress her or what does she want to do? Really just invite her into your life, whatever it is that you enjoy. And so that helps you disarm yourself so that you can kind of let down that guard and just be cool in the moment and she's along for the ride. And you get to vet her and see how she responds to some of these shared interests or values or just your general lifestyle aspects. And that to me is a much better way of taking someone on a date. What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. I was going to say our next one is overthinking. And it is something that we see a lot because as we open the show up, we were talking about high achievers. And if for engineers, problem solvers, analytical minds, they're constantly looking at things and putting analysis to it in order to figure out how to make it work or how to fix it or how to make it better. And if you have a job in which you were doing that eight, nine, 10, 12 hours a day, it is not something you easily stop doing when you're socializing. In fact, it's just going to keep running because the idea here is that as a mental model that you use to put food on the table to put a roof over your head to put clothes on your back, and you might even be incredibly successful doing that. However, in the realm of something as I like to call socialization is an art form and an art form is something that needs to just develop on its own. It's not anything that you can plan ahead for. So let's discuss that. Yeah, I think the art form I like because it's the organic, the creative energy again. Like if you're overthinking in the situation, the conversation, and you're there, definitely elements from your professional side that can be useful in social interactions. But for the most part, I think you want to be felt as authentic. You don't want to be felt like you're performing. And so making sure that you know who you are beyond all the masks that you wear, right? I think that's probably at the forefront. So do your clients go through a process where they are able to identify or articulate who they are or who they want to be? Well, for us in the overthinking realm, it is to get them in a situation where they can't think their way out of it. So improv is a wonderful activity to where they have to take that hat off and put one on that is more suited to working through the session. And when you're overthinking, you can't do improv, you can't force the next bit or figure out what's coming at you. You have to be able to just listen and go with the flow. And once they have some success with a different hat on it allows our clients to feel more comfortable knowing, hey, I can be witty. I can go with the flow if I just allow myself to do that and to have some practice with it as well. And to answer your question, this allows them to start to see themselves as perhaps witty and a more creative mind for the first time and then slowly work to get more comfortable with that. I think many of our clients are in the situation where the response that they're receiving is negative or not what they're looking for. And then that intense self judgment comes into play and it can be hard to find from that viewpoint who you really are, what you really want. You can fall into a people pleasing frame and chasing others' attention and approval. And we like to start with just overall frameworks of how normal natural conversation and flirting flow and then refine that with some simple strategies that they could implement that won't lead to over analysis or overthinking. And then from there, once you have an understanding of, okay, the how, we have to dig into the why. Why do you want this? What are you looking for in a partner? Who do you want to become? Because if you can't communicate that, well, you're going to be on a string of endless first dates and swiping Tinder all hours of the day looking for that next option because no one is going to gravitate and want to stay with someone who isn't clear on who they are and what they want. So that process for many is getting to a place of, well, I know that I don't like the results that I'm getting and brute forcing it and putting way more effort and energy is not getting me better results and they've usually tried that and it has worked in other areas of their life. So they come to us for coaching, realizing that they want to shorten the timeline to success and they want to have a better understanding of how to actually do things appropriately. And what's fun about it is once they actually get some wins. So that first laugh and improv, they get great feedback from a good interaction on video where they see things working the right way and they see those clear signals in a positive manner. It takes the blinders off. It takes the self judgment off and allows them to see themselves as charismatic, as confident, as someone that a woman that they would be attracted to would be attracted to them. So that process is very revealing. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. But oftentimes, they're usually sitting there seeking out YouTube videos for tactics for what to say in this distinct moment or hey, I had this one situation. How do I handle it? And sure, you know, tactics are great, but if you don't have overarching frameworks to work from, well, what happens after that moment passes? What happens on the second date? What happens when you're meeting her parents for the first time? Without frameworks, there's no tactic for how to get the dad to laugh at your first joke. There's no tactic to get her mother more interested in who you are. So we have to move beyond tactics. We have to understand frameworks for human connection, the science and why human connection naturally flows in this way. And then we have to definitely dig deeper into what are your values? What are your motivations? And what are those end goals that you see in your life? And the clearer that is, the more attractive you become to the right woman. And then you spend less time on apps, less time on dates that don't really inspire you, that excite you, and you actually build the Constitution to say no, to turn women down who aren't a good fit for you. And many in our audience listening are probably sitting there going, well, I'm going on dozens of first dates. I just was speaking with a client a couple days ago and he's like, I'm going on tons of first dates. And I'm like, well, how many of them are you excited for? He's like, well, it's practice. Well, practice isn't why we're playing this game. If you're going on a ton of dates with no spark and a ton of dates with women that you're not interested in because they simply swiped right on you, well, that's not going to build up to you getting inspired to create this spark and attraction sexual tension that we're talking about. Yeah, you just shared so much. A lot of insights, I think that that self awareness and clarity is at the core. And I'm thinking also of like, context is really important. The more you are comfortable or confident in the context that you're in, the better, right? And that's not to say that it doesn't go the other way to you want her to be comfortable. But a lot of times men will just make up these dates that they think the women are going to enjoy, you know, like, instead of thinking about it that way, like, how can I impress her? Or what does she want to do? Really just invite her into your life, whatever it is that you enjoy. And so that helps you disarm yourself so that you can kind of let down that guard and just be cool in the moment. And she's along for the ride. And you get to vet her and see how she responds to some of these shared interests or values or just your general lifestyle aspects. And that to me is a much better way of taking someone on a date. Now, this next signal that we're going to talk about jumping to conclusions is often as a coach, something we simply unpack with why, why, why do you believe she feels that way? What evidence do you have to believe that? And many times we're in a situation where there's absolutely no evidence other than past experiences or low self-esteem, low value that leads you to jump to the conclusion that one signal is now her uninterested in you, her judging you, her showing to you her disdain and that jumping to conclusions repeatedly will just lead the other person to feel like, well, they're not listening, they're not invested in what I actually have to share. And of course, it leads to that rumination and that anxiety. If every conclusion you're jumping to is negative that this person doesn't like me, she's not interested in me. And that can be a very difficult frame and pattern to break out of.