 Welcome back to the 21 convention 2018 of Orlando, Florida second day first speaker of the day This next speaker is retired Navy also known as the fourth R of the man is fear He is consistently known as the best dressed man of the red man group and he's returning speaker to the 21 convention But above all he I call him. He's I got it from him himself actually He is the Charlton Heston of Mary Red Pill Without further ado, please let me welcome Ryan Stone Dominance higher keys Stand up straight ice forward shoulders back Study hard. Don't go to university. But if you do go into STEM Don't want to work a nine-to-five making money for other people be a digital nomad Men should be men and not cucks women should be women not thoughts Need to stop doing the hedonism thing because of the West is falling you need to save it from feminism Man up be a real man No, not like that see all this high level Conflicting advice from the nosebleed sections and then you think how am I gonna apply this in my actual life? Well, I met this girl Yeah, but thoughts are bad. Well, then again all girls are like that. Yeah, but this one's not like the other girls Ah She wants me to be more vulnerable But girls don't get attracted to vulnerable men And again, I don't want to just bottle it up mental health, but she does want to open up the relationship Yeah, she wants to move in but the hypergamy so she'll cheat and again, she's not yours But it's just your turn. She wants to get married. Hmm, but divorce is bad Then again leadership, right? But divorce rape and half my shit She wants to have a family But they're her kids not mine and child support is bad But then again, just real be a real man Follow that up with blame cards will cultural Marxism Some blue hair having Pink hat pink pussy hat wearing health at any sizing feminist churching or preaching from the church of diversity is our strength and all the while You realize that the problem is your complete disregard of any sexual strategy over the last 2,000 years But hey Maybe I'm wrong Join a proud boys rally do some knuckle push-ups in a cold shower take back civilization for the white race do smooth The sound like I'm making fun of it kind of am Yeah, women are children women are the Narcissistic master of the universe that's destroying everything around us So six months ago. I had no idea what to tell you guys. I pinged some ideas off a some of the other guys in this red pill space The advice they gave me was to Give them the talk that they need not the one they want Not good at pep talks. I'm not here to give you any Anthony Robbins the power of the secret of now look at my bookshelves and Lamborghini's crap who writes this shit All right, what speech do you need? I don't know. I just know what that's what speech I would like if I was sitting there like you are listening to this guy up here running his mouth So you came here to listen Maybe it's the small-town farm boy in me. Maybe it's the kid whose parents owned a logging camp Maybe it's the Canadian sailor a But I do treat that with some reverence So you've given me 60 minutes of your full undivided attention And I'm gonna do my best To have you leave here with something you can use And more importantly I'm gonna try and get you to leave here with something you may not have heard before I'm gonna talk about lifting beer anxiety Making your biology work for you. I'm gonna talk about all the bullshit we do Makes us feel like a man without actually having to earn it I'm gonna talk about the two reasons we do things and I'm gonna end this off with a little bit of a talk on narcissism Why we have too much of it? Too little of it. So I have no illusions. I know I can't tell you guys to go do something and expect you to go do it At least one of you guys is gonna leave this convention grab the arm of some whatever Thought leader you can find and ask an aim questions like Are these cargo shorts to beta? They're bad not beta Should I exfoliate or is that too gay? You should and it is This girl coming over to my house. She's only wearing a trench coat. Is she into me? Maybe do body weight push-ups count as lifting weights No, some of you will take everything here Tweak it to fit whatever your life plan is Harve out some extra work get shit done and have a success story Some of you are gonna go back to your hotel doing knuckle push-ups in the shower Blasting mark man from the affirmations in the background Too many guys focus on these little marginal issues and they forget about the 80 tone 20 rule And that that 20% effort is gonna get you 80% of your results Are the basics just too simple? No secret. I'm just putting in consistent levels of work over days over weeks over months over years It's not empowering To empower means somebody else has to give you power Nobody gives it to you. You have to take it on your own And the thing is you don't know you're there We're making any progress until you're almost finished and there's no guarantee. It's gonna work Which is why most guys don't try Jordan Peterson right now is filling up auditoriums telling people to stand up straight slay the dragon Clean your room Washer dick. I guess the basics. It's not that basic anymore So back to this first step is the gym working out You don't got a lift to look like Adonis, you don't got a lift to be strong like Magnus von Magnus You don't have to be Instagram ready. You should be able though to fill out a shirt to be clothes on good-looking It's not naked good-looking It's a foundation. It's not a paint job. I used to think it was obvious That was before Rolo had the great idea during the is he here? Probably somewhere. There is still working on Errol He had the great idea of letting guests come on to the red man group that podcast we do and ask their questions live Now I don't want to pick on the guy because a he's here And B. It's kind of an amalgamation of like a couple hundred guys. I've seen over the years. They call him bicycle man No names So he's asking how can I maximize my sexual strategy? I just finished my engineering degree and we know work on the oil rigs and I asked does he work out? Put a pin in that for a second It's something I've kind of gotten a bit cynical over the years. I don't think a lot of guys want to win I think a lot of guys want to hope Cope to kind of shift that transfer of ownership on to some random guys on the internet Anyways, so I asked to be worked out. You got the sob story. Yeah, well, I kind of sort of used to work down Gonna buy a bicycle. I'm gonna do it tomorrow Yeah, I don't have time to run day game on chicks all day, but I'm definitely gonna have time to ride my bike on the oil rigs Bicycle man phenomenon So I know this is probably the last thing that Anthony wants me to say but I'm gonna say it anyway If you're not willing to work out three days a week, you're not willing to fill out a shirt and fill out the shit locker We're done here. I'll give you a ride home after this. Just give me a minute. I got to finish up Run into a few guys actually here that I saw from last year and there's one in particular Night and day difference. So maybe these glib pithy comments. I'm making have an effect. I don't know It's good for you though wherever he is She'll find me afterwards So yes looking good is important. Yes being lean is important. Yes having something better to do and your wife Won't fuck you is definitely important I'm not talking about though. I'm talking about something a little more a little more primal talk about fear It's getting your body to work For you instead of against you. So you don't want to step on your own dick and analyze the footprint Don't make me laugh So there's this fear we have and working out helps to mute that, you know The fear of divorce rape the fear of approaching that girl Fear of losing this the fear losing that You're building up a tolerance towards the world And I've one thing I've noticed that of all the successful people I've met and which is not nearly enough is That the more successful you are the more of this tolerance you're gonna need a little story on me About six years ago. I just moved to Montreal. I gained a fair bit of weight 30 40 pounds Maybe I was popping out of van like it was candy drinking every day I'm sure I was still Charming and pleasant none of those parlor tricks I'd learned from the mystery method. We're working anymore She hold that thought Weird thing about SSRIs. It's like an epidemic now About half of the guys that I used to sail with used to deploy with they were loaded up on the things We don't really talk about it in public. What's big target on your back? Big sign. Do not fuck Yeah, girls will give you this hole. Oh, it's too bad It just stage left go fuck Chad tell you about it during the dinner date rinse and repeat. I don't know. I don't Know I'm glad we didn't weren't given this shit as teenagers or fuck Anyways, so it doesn't matter if it's the girls a stranger if it's a date. It's a wife. It's a girlfriend All girls are kind of hard-wired to see a little bit of strength in a man emotional physical Weird too. We all deployed we all work like dogs never needed it But once we came home everybody had their shore postings their fancy teaching gigs Relaxing that's when everybody started getting loaded up on it Sit in there complaining about their depend eponymous. Why is getting fatter? Every conversation went straight to bitching about it, too. Ah, the wife done them wrong this Stupid shitty people stupid shitty complaints about stupid shitty situations Anyways back to the point So when I was in the Navy we used to run a one and two watch rotation So for those that don't know that means five hours on five hours off seven hours on seven hours off about 12 hours Tack on a half hour on either side of either watch to shit shower shave get up turn over your watch Another hour on top of that for cleaning stations if you've been keeping track That's about 26 hours a day. And this is for nine days a week 13 months a year You know, he's hyperbole aside It's really it just means we had about four and a half hours of sleep and that's all if all you did was Eat work and sleep and it burns you out fast So why am I up here talking about this Puritan work ethic crap kind of paint a picture is bear with me. So We were all stressed. We're all overworked and then this little reserve space this tiny little seven by seven room with weights Made it all go away a little piece of heaven. I had a real unique smell to it, too I remember it was like a mix of diesel Body odor and then a faint whiff whatever deep-fried shit was coming out of the galley It's very unique. I know I can't describe it, but it takes me back every time I think about it So that sweet smell of diesel That 30 minutes working out at half of an hour skipping rope on the flight deck that two quarters of an hour where Running wind sprints on the Snonskid. I would take that Over the sleep that I desperately needed Not that I wanted it kind of had to If I didn't I'd sit there just grinding my jaw and shivering like a chihuahua Must have ran through a skipping rope every month and on skid just tore it up cut the shit out of my legs My shins hurt doing wind sprints 45 degree weather and what's that in American like 110 120 who does weather conversions like whatever I Remember if I would drop something I'd actually have to take a moment my legs hurt so much and like consider like Oh, do I need that or? It's gone forever But picking up some iron and putting it back down again under control. It kind of made it all go away For a board gate Tap into that. There's a reason that lifting is the number one tried and true Four out of five doctors recommend or your money back best way to take back your balls that there is Yes, you'll have muscle. Yes, you'll start to look lean Yes, girls will find you more attractive. It's not about that You're muting that anxiety that kind of cripples your ability to take risks You're muting that fear that gives you an excuse why you don't want to do this or do that You're stressing your nerve for the point where you can't have an anxiety attack anymore You're preparing yourself to handle the world Now if you don't think this stuff applies to you Catch yourself next time you're arguing with somebody who's giving you some very plain simple and really good advice happens more than you think Yeah, you're gonna buy a bike tomorrow Good job champ Anyways right now. I don't know your personal story. Maybe you're not looking your best Maybe you've been rejected a thousand times. Maybe you've got zero home run zero at bats. Maybe a girl fuck you over I don't know or care what your Batman origin story is Well, yeah, maybe you unironically use the word looks max that one always gives me a chuckle Sorry to end the insults in the audience Anyways, if you're mad and if you have a genuine grievance, you probably should be if you're mad you've been given a gift use that Don't work out every time you get angry every time you're not getting fucked stop shivering around there like a chihuahua Stop promising yourself. You're gonna buy yourself a bike tomorrow Stop telling everybody your Batman origin story is some kind of catharsis Gotta remember to add a disclaimer to this Well, I've got two pet peeves something that I've noticed in this space First one if you haven't figured out the Batman origin story to secure a cancer thing and The other thing is having to put a don't eat paint morning on this stuff Go up at this point. You're telling everybody what you've done. You're laying out your slice story So hopefully they can glean some value from it and without fail every time you do that There's always gonna be one Guy in the audience one hyper-literal spreadsheet monster Who's gonna take this and take it as a fundamental literate literal truth? He's gonna teach me talking about my stories of pain and intensity and he's gonna assume that the intensity is the pain Stories about whipping myself with the shin It's not that The pain was the gain here pain was there. Just kind of let me know my limits So don't take this story about intensity and its drawbacks and assume that the drawbacks are the intent I'm lazy if I can get away with it If I can get through if I can get through that deployment No stress have a solid eight hours of sleep. I'd have done it So there's no pain no gain crap is the reason that we ended up with guys taking cold showers so they could feel like a man Cold showers and self-improvement What is self-improvement? Self-improvement is masturbation Self-improvement is taking a cold shower because samurai used to take cold showers in the river. They were men Vikings took cold showers. They just took their women and they didn't have to kiss up to Steve the VP of finance Ah, it's good. Feels like a man, right? Then you finish up turn off the head Howl off and go have the day you were gonna have anyway Much cope such success So what is self-improvement? Self-improvement is masturbation Self-improvement is jerking off in your living room Jerking off kind of that simulation of sex your grandpa had sex, right? Me took grandma Ethel and he didn't have to kiss up to Steve the VP of accounting Ah Feels good, doesn't it? Finish up howl off go back to the day you were gonna have anyway The only difference here is the loop Juice isn't worth the squeeze right such success Problem with self-improvement is it offers just that little bit of a fix Just enough that you don't actually go after the real thing. It's a coping strategy. It's a piss-pore simulation yada yada yada People always focused on the improvement. Nobody's paying attention to the cell Now we're getting somewhere here So what's self? Self Self is your own best interests self is looking out for number one self is the actions you have to perform Women are valued for who they are men are valued for what they do. Don't forget your look out for number one So what is improvement without self? Self-improvement that's standing up straight shoulders back eyes forward Still not getting sex That's going into the belly of the whale Slaying the dragon rescuing the princess Sorry Mario your princess isn't another cat. It's going your own way. It's running a manifesto. It's renting a van. Wait what? No one cares how strong you are but you Nobody nobody never never ever in the history of ever has anybody as a girl decided to or not to sleep with you because of your push-up count Because of how strong you are or definitely not because of your shower temperature. Nobody cares if you're a good father Fathers are a dime a dozen at least half of the girls out there have replaced half of the fathers out there Being good fathers or some kind of virtue self-improvement to get towards there How about good weekend dad good ATM machine good babysitter while she's out having sex with Steve the VP of accounting Plenty of moms couldn't even bother to find one or get one that they could reasonably keep That sound like a society that values fatherhood to you The only one that cares is you Maybe the kid. Yeah, society should value it Society should do a lot of things Shit in one hand wishing the other see what fills up first So let's get back to it Let's towel off and then just have the day we were gonna have anyway So from anybody else's perspective The only value you have is what you can offer You just got to make sure that you get It's the highest price for that value In some cases what is self if you're 20 Self probably just wants to get paid and wants to get laid pink and green loving money passion puts And getting it it's much better lubed in 30 seconds in the shower. I'll tell you that much Sailors used to take cold showers all the time We called them pusher showers because the old ships didn't heat water so good We didn't take cold showers because we wanted to be a man Submariners couldn't even do that because you can't drain water on the submarine. So they had to use wet naps That's the thing we should do wet nap your way to masculinity Somebody write that shit down. I'll go hoppers on an e-book with you So what does self want self wants sex Sex you have to be more interesting on a Saturday night than a girl with a good book and her bob Sir battery operated boyfriend Self has to be charming Self has to have some aesthetics to him self has to not put up with her shit and then there's the improvement That's the steps you have to take to get to that point Chicks don't get wet over Steve the VP of accounting They get wet over guys like Goldman Sitting there big fucking camera Taking pictures in the park. Oh, it's so mysterious wonder what's under the hat Surrounded by a couple girls taking photos. Well, what do they know about them that I don't know so much Don't kid yourself. You're not some noble Steed conquering over the West your designer purse your para funky shoes You're a story the girl can beat it over her friends over the head with during brunch Even when you settle down Yeah, even when you settle down Otherwise, you're just a glorified babysitter a roommate an ATM machine You don't need to live in the house to be that so you can listen to this kind of stuff What's the kind of stuff you get laid? Listen to guys like Goldman The other single guys here Or you can listen to the ex-wife All right Pick up the kids at seven. I'm gonna go on a date with Steve. Don't wait up for me We'll take a cold shower. Be a real man. Go get him bucko. Don't wait up for me Also on a side note. I know that sounds kind of crass So if you want to be a good dad like nobody's faulting you for it God knows we need more of them But the virtue of it has to kind of stand on its own You can't be doing it and expect out of boys from society there. You can't be doing it as self-improvement Child soldiers from Somalia have bounced back from worse Probably half of the audience here hit a divorce. We seem to muddle our way through it So you're valuable. Yes, but you're not essential. All right, so summing up Self's got to be interesting Got to engage people's emotions have a little bit of status Have some pre-selection. You don't want to be boring not like Steve the VP of finance Conflict avoidant codependent Boring You want to be interesting the guy who says some ignorance shit just to get a rise out of the girl with a big goofy grin on your thing Not boring Like even people who don't buy into pickup and think of it as snake oil They kind of know some little lizard brain level about it. You ask the most Blue-haired having health in any sizing puffing ding post-ish feminists around here about pickup What's the first thing they tell you about it making? The idea that you're not kissing a girl's ass 24-7 everybody kind of knows it. Yeah, it's it works So be different and stop giving away your time and your attention for free. I Said before you're worth what you're worth what people are pilling to pay and you're worth what you value yourself as So if you give it away for free, don't be surprised that treat people treat it Just as much as you paid for it So self-involved having a little status some emotions the one thing self doesn't involve is logic You can't talk your way into it You can't negotiate attraction If you've been doing all this stuff already pick up the status working out The negotiations ended the instant you walked in that door the instant you walked up to approach before you even opened your mouth Soon as you open your mouth all you're really doing is admitting you either have a sub par product Are you trying to polish that turd to a nice high shine end of the day? Still a turd Does it sound transactional? Yeah, it's not a bad thing I mean how in God's green earth can you expect anybody to respond to anything but value? You don't lift weights because it's self-improvement You lift weights because you want to have an aesthetic body you want to mute that fear response in you get it Get stop stepping on your own dick and analyzing the footprint basically You're building a work ethic on there so that way you can handle when the wife comes home and the rug rats don't drive everybody else crazy You can stand in the middle of it for all those cats Boys, I'm telling you girls have the market corner for neuroticism and they don't need you muscling in on their market share It's a battle you don't want you can't win and you're not going to enjoy it if you do Again, so you've got yourself You got the guy who wants sex and companionship and you have your improvement the steps you take to get to that space The saying is as old as the man of spirit You can't get that girl, but you can get more girls So you're not doing it for her Because the negotiations ended the second you turned off your cold water in the shower and tell yourself off an example It's called master and slave morality Francois de la Rosefort talked about it during the continental enlightenment Nietzsche talked about it when he was developing psychology Robert Green when he was talking about his 48 laws of power Then Katesh Rao when he was writing the duvet principle What are we talking about here? mission focus that what matters is What's in it for me? What's best for me above all other concerns and if those and if the virtue that The attributes that help you with that are good and the ones that you're forced to endure or not So an example being fit being charming not giving a fuck having a little bit of outcome independence strength Bit of an asshole charming asshole. Those are all good things And if you're arguing that they're not Then you're kind of adopting the slave morality except the things that you have to Those are things like being nice being conflict avoidant not like being that asshole that slaysa Stacy slept with It's complaining over the PSL that's pumpkin spice lattes if you guys don't know Had my first one not impressed the other things too. It's not wanting to get too big when you're working out It's all these little things you can wrap them up in all kinds of fancy wording Dr. Phil can say it and all his audience will clap and nod These aren't things that are good for you So your value is in what you can provide tingle resources, whatever Your job is to make sure that you're getting a premium for it and I'm telling you fellows Christ is higher than you think you can always walk it back down later Another part is don't forget your walk away point Better to take a loss than it is to take a pay cut. Oh This is the part where I talk about not Nice little pep talk, isn't it? He's a bunch of manly cut words Whole fucking showers Maybe you're rolling your eyes. I wouldn't blame you if you did I kind of am too Maybe you're a little pumped Maybe after this you're gonna get psyched up and go fearlessly walk up to some Florida girl pick her up good on you All I ask is that when you're doing your interactions Just keep it in the back of your head The what's in it for me when you're doing all your little things and have that kind of guide you You that lovable asshole be charming considerate aesthetic And for all these steps you take to improve yourself. It's not always about doing the right thing Well correction, it's not always about doing what other people tell you with the right thing I'm gonna tell you a story now When I was teaching in fleet school one of the students of mine, we'll call him Frenchy Frenchy was a good kid He got picked up About five guys. I guess they were at a party and some drugs were being passed around So for those that don't know it's extremely hard to get kicked out of the military Going to jail for a serious crime and drugs are about the only two things you can do You can't fuck up enough to get booted otherwise And we once we caught him and everybody else I guess the the one guy that got caught Rattled out everybody else and now all five of them up there. So we gave him the same speech that we were all trained to give Hey, man, we know you fucked up. That's fine Do your time we got your back and you come back and get you back to work It's that powerful little narrative of like the the plow horse meritocracy I mean it is powerful to convince his guys to basically go and die for somebody that they've never even met So here's the part where Frenchy failed and if I'm being honest, it's the part where I failed him So they didn't know what he did and we've never seen anything but good things from him as far as we knew He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time So we told him just admit what you did take your punishment and be on with it What's in it for Frenchy there if you wanted to be a good so a good sailor and have a good career and he was good So he would have Keep your mouth shut. It's the MP's jobs to investigate you. It's the Jag's jobs to investigate you It's not your job to investigate you just keep your mouth shut shut sit there Run through the punishment go back to work. Do your thing instead. He best up to everything. I guess he had been doing some drugs Now he was a really good kid We had everybody from the commanding officer down to the junior instructor was me at the time all vouching forum Sending memos down to Ottawa offering a different types of punishments a set of getting him the boot Ottawa didn't care remember I Remember how to drive him down to cells so I Can't quite articulate what that place is like. It's like a miniature military prison. I Mean when you first get in there They're yelling at you. They strip search you in front of 20 30 people Nobody lasts their first day without bursting into tears Kind of like a mix between full metal jacket and a maximum security prison, but I remember I felt bad I Took the long way around to get him down there had him out for a smoke Red Bull talking through it The teachers made sure somebody came down there to visit him every day, which is unheard of for these things Doesn't matter He's still out, but he did the right thing very noble On the flip side and anybody who served in the CF will probably know who I'm talking about But I'm telling you right now. This is definitely a fictional story and this guy in no way exists The least hated cheap or the least like chief in the Navy He got caught I guess he was part of a drug-wing ring dealing sometime in the early 90s I think He gave up the names everybody else that was done he got to keep his job everybody else got booted great couple years later He ended up fucking a girl one of his subordinates in the junior-ranked bathroom and he threatened to kill the junior roundsman if he told anybody I Mean these are all stories. You're here in second hand, right? But if you know the guy you can see it So he was my he was my first Cox and on my ship Cox and if you guys don't know that's like the highest rank you can get for An enlisted guy he basically had a long fulfilling career too long Too fulfilling So the reason I and if I put Frenchy and the chief in front of you right now You probably all hands down say Frenchy's a better guy real man. He's a man of character. He's a more virtuous guy But at the end of the day, what did it matter? One of these guys got what they wanted and one of them didn't Well, I'm not telling you you have to do some criminal things or throw your buddy under the butt Using extreme example to illustrate a point that you got to look out for your own best interests above all More than just about sex here So we'll bring it back to the beginning kind of sum this part up stop stepping on your own dick Do that 20% of the effort they get you 80% of the results and then worry about the margins and make looking out for yourself Your number one priority Luckily most you will probably never end up and end up never end up in a situation like the chief or like Frenchy Where you have to make a morally dubious choice If so just remember those are the times that are going to kind of define you And whatever choice you do make just make sure you're being honest with yourself Am I succeeding or am I just jerking myself off in the shower? Am I acting noble to appease others or am I acting my own best interest and Knowing the reasons you're doing this thing is not as easy as you may think so. There's two reasons. We do anything There's the reason we know and then there's the reason we don't There's the reason we tell people and there's the reason we don't There's the reason that we're honest with and the reason that we're not Maybe the other person can't handle the real reason Maybe we're hiding it from ourselves because we got big egos Maybe we don't even know what the real reason is We listen to guys talking about male virtue all the time all these token rule sets dedication loyalty friendship kindness Are we talking about men? Are we talking about dogs? Guys desperate to signal their masculinity they're picking things that they don't have to work for and Pretending it makes them a man These things are too basic to signal for man There's what signal for person or rusty the golden retriever. I think Ivan and Swift were talking about for the stuff They're mentioning as things you actually have to earn. I mean, it's not that they're not good They're generally good if you do them in the right place at the right time to the right person There's just not something that makes you masculine and they're not a good reason So the next story here is taken from a book called Freakonomics. I'm assuming most people here probably read it came out about 10 years ago There used to be lead in paint used to be lead in gasoline lead was everywhere and Excessive lead exposure would lead to they found it led to impulsive behavior violence aggression Think in the 80s they ended up taking it out of paint a paint and gasoline in that and then the crime made to start a drop And off So my point here If you asked one of those guys back then why did you beat that guy to death? Why did you smack your ex wife around? Why did you stab that guy in the neck? None of them are gonna tell you it's because of excessive lead exposure as a child They're just gonna say I got pissed me off. He disrespected me and he had to go and I just lost control There's two reasons. There's the reason we know and then there's the reason we don't another example So many guys unplugging telling their stories every day Talking about their marriages of quiet desperation The larger number of those than we care to admit by the way And they'll tell the same little story. Oh Everything's great. I earned good money with great household. Everything's taken care of we just got one small problem. It's like small It's insignificant. It doesn't really matter So that she hasn't fucked me in five years and she's repulsed by the touch but other Nat were great You're fucking far from great. That's the furthest thing from great That's like saying I have a car and it's perfect except for I have no gas And it's poor bastard's issue. It's not sexual frustration It's not that he's a plow horse being taken for granted by some Machiavellian Indictive wife in reality. She's having her own life of quiet frustration with him. Yeah, I wish I could say That all this issue was that women are evil and taken advantage of it But they got their own problems too and a lot of the times taking it out on you was all they know how to do Sorry The problem is that the guys conflict avoidant generally unattractive and the things that he does to provide value for the people around him Are the things that they don't want But hey That kind of revelation could probably just crush a man. So instead Let's talk about toxic masculinity and how you should be doing more chores You should get the dishes done out of it There's two reasons we do things There's the reasons we're honest about and the reasons were not for me Back to the Montreal story. I was having horrible anxiety attacks poppin out of van like it was candy I was drinking every day I'll be 30 pounds heavier and work. Let me go see a feminine man with a PhD once a week And I could bitch about my problems too very nice So was my cause of anxiety the excessive amount of serotonin in my system required inhibitors The problem was that I had built up a debt. I had believed in the meritocracy same as Frenchie did The best plow horse gets the best hay and the best stable The thing is when you believe something and experience tells you otherwise Builds up a debt in your mind and that kind of manifests in this case. It manifested as anxiety So I had my own moment with that but unlike Frenchie. I Was more like the chief and looked out for number one So like I said, there's two reasons if you ask anybody else, what's the reason that members are having anxiety? They'll tell you the trials and tribulations of military life cause undo hardship and stress Luckily enough the benevolent organization is here to give you as many pills as you need and to talk to as many professionals as you want Never mind that it doesn't work as long as it looks like we're helping Thanks coach And I'm seeing it with a bunch of my friends that are still in I mean that debt keeps growing the anxiety keeps building the pills Keep coming the professionals keep talking and eventually you need to slice Balancing point between coping and anxiety. I was still there. I probably wouldn't have gotten better I would have just been a zombie That jaded cop just sitting there waiting for the pension watching the clock. I Still have friends that are stuck there like I said They're waiting for a long deployment again. They can kind of live their little fantasy of Having a life on their own terms second life away from home Then they towel off and get back to work So for me, I finally knew both the reasons why I hated my job why I was having this anxiety Why my relationship was crumbling And now that I knew I could take steps and I built a strategy to go around it So I had devoured a lot Dr. Glover rational male Dalrock Roycey Rouge Dr. Cindy Mistin David bus bus or boost Bus that's a dr. David bus James Franco list goes on and on and on No, not the practical female psychology. It's a good book So every time I was having an anxiety attack I would go work out crush the nerve to the point where I would just stop having anxiety every time the wife wouldn't fuck me I'm gonna have something better to do I had some strategies around it So once I was able to deal with that once I was able to have something better to do if things weren't going my way Then I could deal with the source of it. So I started asking myself in life. What's in it for me? Instead of asking what can I do for you? So I made a plan to improve out of that self Yada yada yada couple risks later a couple chances taken here. We are Sought some advice from a bunch of other red pillar in country who joined around the same time. I did Bogey D6 Uem McGill some of the other moderators from the red pill sorcerer King whisper It's like three four dozen names. I can't remember him rattle them all off now, but Anyways, this stuff's good. So by talking other guys You're getting 10,000 stories from 10,000 different sources from 10,000 of the similar stories And you're kind of learning the underlying reasons why things are happening the way they're happening You take 300,000 men on the red pill 20,000 men on the married red pill God knows how many else on blogs and that 20 30 40 50 hundred speakers here tonight this week Add that all together turn it up. Well, you got your sexual strategy can happen a success story There's no success as a guarantee. It's gonna work either like there's no success. There's no guarantees in life Bubble wrap safe life does not exist, but You'll learn how to dust yourself off and hit it again from a different angle when you fail We don't get campaigns about being empowered girls do What's the source of their empowerment? I don't know girl power There's no guy power. He just got to pick yourself up and try it again So had you asked me back in 2014? What the reasons were that was so angry then I would have probably given you a big sob story about who done me wrong And why what I was owed that wasn't the real reason The real reason as I was just letting life happen to me as opposed to taking charge in life I'm a little bit more of a risk-tolerant attitude towards it and actually searching for my own best interests instead of just Helping out everybody else around me. So we do things for two reasons There's the reasons we tell everybody and then the reasons we don't That girl cheered on you Because you didn't do enough chore play. No The real answers are just not as exciting as Steve the VP of finance was Are you not able to get laid because girls only like assholes? No, the answer is your conflict avoidance Are you not getting married because marriage laws are skewed and you'll lose your empire? No, it's probably because watching your dad get raked over the cold during your divorce really turned you off the thing Anyways, once you start looking at the real reasons the underlying reasons for all the things that happen That's when you can start carving out some successes and some failures out of life Let's say guy. Let's say guy. He stays married Who's the pendipotomous wife? He sticks it out suffers his life of Quiet desperation because he wants to be a good role model of what a family's like for his kids. Is that really a success story? If you get some guy whose wife constantly nags him That's a go out on expensive dinners and fire all this crap to get his once a year annual birthday blow job That is success story What about Chad let's say he divorces his wife It takes him a couple years and the kids have to get a bit older when he can finally start to reconnect with them He'd be the good dad then so he's missed out on that five to five to thirteen year olds. Is that really a failure? Let's say Chad otherwise gotten himself together a high-tractive attractive high-valuable male Let's say his wife still won't fuck him. He goes out and gets some strange discreetly Keeps the family together puts on the nice family faith, but he gets his needs met elsewhere. Is he really a failure? Both these guys Same situation same rule sets. The only difference is one of them is Understanding the reasons for things and he can work around it and the other one is just letting life happen to him You ain't shit That's okay Field reports and narcissism. I Think every guy should be writing a field report on your life If you're not gonna do it on a blog On a subreddit write it on a little journal by your nightstand. I said journal Girls have diaries guys have journals log One of the things I did and I've been given some jabs at Jordan Peterson tonight sure, but he was bang on on one thing The way you write reflects the way you think and the way you think reflects how though the way you act So by writing things down you're able to better articulate your life and understand what's going on I mean I've yet to see anybody who has a good measure of success in their life without leaving themselves a few notes along the way One of the first things you'll notice too is about your language. I think a guy is defined by his testicles Saying that because As soon as a girl takes your balls away the language in your stories change instead of being eye-eye-eye I wanted to go here. I wanted to get laid. I wanted to drink. No. I don't want to get you a glass of water It changes from that to she ah she wouldn't like that. She doesn't want me to go out tonight guys Sorry, she doesn't want to get laid She decides I need to do more chore play You get guys here to write down their latest frustration in their life I can probably tell you who has the frame in their relationship and two paragraphs of text What you write tells you more about yourself than the story you tell yourself to get to sleep But what you write I can tell whose frame you're in you can tell whose frame you're in You can tell what details the person considers important You can tell the details the person's omitting because maybe they're too ego invested to admit something to themselves All this stuff they can tell you everything about yourself. What's your rationalizing that you're bullshitting yourself with all in just a couple words Like I said, how you write reflects how you think and how you think reflects how you act When every word you have on paper is a she statement that means you're not living within your own story You're living within somebody else's story a minor character a set piece You're a prop for somebody else if you can't articulate a situation and Write into it how it affects you and what you should do around it That means you're not treating yourself as your own masculine center. It makes you unattractive by the way Small aside here on narcissism So for those that don't know there's those three dark triad personality traits psychopathy Machiavellianism narcissism Supposedly narcissism is the only genuinely attractive one out of the bunch and I couldn't figure out why for the longest time Dr. Smith's over there, and I'm like you've got a PhD so you see Peter already knows the answer or he's already shaking his head Yeah, so why why is this narcissism which is supposedly an attractive quality such an unattractive quality in so many people Why are the in cells calling guys assholes for getting the girls? They couldn't why is the nice guy a subtle way of calling somebody a loser? Best description I have is narcissism is the is that you're the center of your own story? You're the main character of your one-act play and everything else around you is a set piece or a minor character that feeds into you Your life is your singular confirm singular concern Your benefit is your singular concern if that sounds a lot like frame then you got it frame is narcissism and Narcissism itself is a masculine quality When you talk about it in a clinical sense you got narcissistic narcissistic personality disorder. So what is that? That's taking man and amping it up to 11 If you go to some blue-haired tumblr blog and you look up what toxic masculinity is they'll probably use the same thing same description pathological impulsivity Pathological self-centered pathologically self-important Pathological vanity pathological expectations of others to serve you so when they talk about talk toxic masculinity It probably lines up pathological word for pathological word and you take this all together. It's a great explanation of Althe alpha behavior There's kind of a Goldilocks zone if you take too much you kind of get in that Elliot Roger space It's not a good place to be you write a manifesto rent a van. I think you guys know this all too well what I understand a Damn kid ended up doing this in Florida just recently ended up taking out a lot of people with them very tragic So that's what happens when you get too much But then you can get too little and then you end up as a plough or it's a codependent You end up to being a set piece for somebody else's life And if you let somebody else live your life for you, it's never going to be in your own best interests So yeah, it turns out that every other one of those big towels every one of those incels every one of the Juices and worth the squeeze types that talk about how women have done them wrong. They're all kind of closet narcissists Not attractive ones though so again, I tried to figure out what makes it attractive and The best answer I could come up with is that it's a force amplifier So if you're not attractive, you're gonna have narcissism You're not gonna be attractive But if you're a little bit attractive a little bit of healthy narcissism is gonna make you very attractive Be attractive. Don't be unattractive Too ruled as old as the man is here Anyway, so back to me When I hit my moment something changed in me Over those months. There was this build up a lot of anxieties on tension build up build up build up and then done It all kind of went away now for those of you guys here who have your red pills moments And I'm assuming being here. You've all had them You'll kind of hit that that that nice quiet peak moment where you realize Where you realize nobody else is gonna wipe your ass every day, but you and you got to start treating that guy better You got to start getting inside of that guy's head write the script for him In my old story below where I had my Frenchy moment investigation all that crap my Batman origin story It was a shitty life script, but it was a story. I knew the ending to a Lot of us will accept these shitty stories just because we know them Instead of writing our own with an ending that we don't know what it exists with yet Even if it's a happier one coming up on the end. That's good Anyways, the good news is the fact that you're all here means you're a little bit of a narcissist I mean, why else would anybody be sitting up here talking about sexual strategy and devoting this much effort to talking about chicks And what's in it for me if it wasn't for narcissism. So we'll sum it up here working out lifting getting rid of fear Impulsivity stop doing bullshit that makes you feel like a man to start doing shit that actually advances your best interest as a man Stop taking cold showers. Stop taking self-improvement start improving yourself Get a little bit of narcissism write down some field reports And if I have some time left, I guess we'll do some questions now. Thank you for your time All right, I think we do the line-ups and then you got any questions. I think I was pretty thorough So I'm hoping there wasn't any but we'll see what happens. Great talk Ryan. Thank you very much So like as a married guy If you had to think of and I'm not just using your wife example, just like it Okay, so if you had to think of a ratio of like, you know her acting like an overgrown child or shit testing Like would you say it's like 30% like 30 70 like 70% she's behaving 30% 60 40 50 50 like how would you yeah, I'm not a spreadsheet man. I don't think of it that way Yeah, just deal with it as it comes like there's some proactive strategies you can use but generally if you start trying to break it down with Well, it's Tuesday on the fifth and the moon's on the half waning And so this time she's gonna give me a shit Then you just end up getting lost in your own head and you get fucking it up Okay, play it as it comes if she starts acting like an overgrown trial just be there like an overgrown child Is it mostly like cyclical like with her cycle like if you could master the cycle as that added Value like you can know like the no fly zone times like I wouldn't say no fly zone see that's the thing it's not no fly zone generally and rollo can correct me on this He kind of did the speech on it But the idea is when they're ovulating they kind of like more aggressive alpha behaviors And then when they're on the other end of the cycle, they kind of like more comfort made of behaviors A lot of guys we suggest they do it for a little bit you get like one of those tracker apps And then you kind of track a girl over her cycle. It's not a long-term thing It's just kind of because guys don't really believe you when you say girls act differently at different times in the month But then once they kind of go through it and they have that spreadsheet where they're like oh 20% of the time She's like this then ditch it you kind of got the idea and just kind of it's not hard to count to 30 once a month a month Is it? Thank you But yeah, like right now. I don't know So you'll get cranky. I know that means I got about two more days before the shark week or ant flow comes over and She kind of knows it too. So we know when the fights are coming just theater. I can't believe you guys I have done my best not to swear so much in front of you guys Once I don't want us to get I guess it's not demonetized. It's on Anthony's own We're good, so I can swear Sorry, was there another question? There we go. You mentioned that it's Unattractive to live a conflict free life Yeah, and so can you expand upon what that would look like to be the opposite or some version of having more conflict It all depends on your life. I mean Conflicts isn't just about fighting battles doing wars like you take swift speech and Ivan's speech Yes, they're talking about it in like a more military sense, but you can apply that stuff Everyday life dealing with Steve the VP of finance if your boss is shitting on you because maybe you fucked up not backing down Lowering your eyes that kind of thing Maybe your wife just shitting on you because you didn't do the dishes when the issue is really just she's in a frustrated mood And she just wanted a reason to pick at you Not backing down for now not saying You sit there and start mouthing off like a rabid dog like you can't talk to me that way the fuck you think you are Just not you're just not afraid of it, especially a girl like a little 120 pound 5 foot 2 girl never pushed me around Put you in a garbage can lady Have done that once I did figure out put her in a garbage can it was kind of fun She was pissed but she got over it Let's do a real gentle it was an empty one. It's not like it was trash in there But yeah, is that gonna answer a little bit of conflict and you have some fun with it. What else are you gonna do? 100% lifting Like I'm at the point now. I actually I got a few more injuries I don't really didn't really talk about like my or back kind of fucked up to get like this S belt or something Things but yeah, the pain parts. That's kind of what tapped into it that and I kind of I Got mad but in a focused way. I Remember that because that is didn't really care about because you know when you're I'll use an example. Let's say you're under an investigation and they'll always try and scare you with all you got jail time They should maybe blacklist it from all kinds of work I'm sure Jack could probably tell the story way better than me. He's gone through a lot harder than I have So but they're gonna there's all these like what ifs what if could happen and then once you get that level of anger where you're It's kind of like you know what fuck it and then you just do that because you're it's gonna come whether you want it to or not And so I found the best strategy is to have that don't give a fuck attitude Getting that work out to the point where you're not stepping on your own dick with anxiety And you just kind of plow through and you know, whichever way it plays out. That's exactly the way you wanted it That's where you got to kind of sell yourself on yourself That tags into the narcissist Learn that from my ship white buddy actually Chris. He's an awesome guy. What he said whatever happened to me is exactly what I wanted, dude Yeah Right, how do you check in with yourself regularly to make sure that you're still focusing on the 20 of the 80-20 first on The which are the which now on the 20 out of that 80-20. Oh This is consistent like it's effort. It's consistency. Do you pay attention to when you're breeding? No, I just know I work out three days a week. It's a schedule the less you think about it the more likely you are gonna do it I Mean and that's when you get into the Anthony Robbins habit stuff you do it for three weeks You stick into it. It's not like if you haven't been working out or V8 Cheetos for three months. You're gonna forget about it Yeah, honestly, it's just All right, I think they're gonna cut off here in like the next 20 seconds I guess we'll have to end it up. Do I have time for a quick one or maybe no. All right. We've got something. It's all you Nobody oh perfect. All right. Well, thank you very much guys. Thank you