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Published on Dec 2, 2013
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RATCHET! ASS! HO! HO! HO! words and music by Stewart JW Reynolds
'Twas the night before Christmas All the elves were a' scurry The presents were packed But Santa looked worried
Now normally, right about now, things were running on time His suit and the sleigh, all that was just fine But there was one little problem, well actually nine All the reindeer were sick They blamed it on where they had dined
You see, the night before the night before Christmas Was their staff Christmas do A fun packed event Full of good drink and good food
Now the reindeer work hard as I'm sure you can tell But a little-known fact, they play hard as well
So Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen and Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen All of them, even Rudolph Were out of commission
"What will I do!" Santa cried, "oh blast oh darn!" "What about that ass that we keep in the barn?" "Mrs. Claus you're a genius!" And he gave her a kiss "The donkey, I mean ass, Will do half the trick!"
"It won't be ideal but I think I can get by" "If I could just find one more reindeer, one more reindeer who flies"
Blitzen lifted his head and stifled a barf He looked at the elves who looked back with alarm
The head elf stepped forward his voice cracked when he spoke "I may have a solution." Some of the other elves choked.
"There is one more reindeer of which you don't know" "She's a little annoying but you know YOLO"
Santa's eyes went wide and he started to smile "Bring her here we've only got a little while" "but before you do her name I should ask it" "Her name, Santa Claus? Her name is Ratchet"
So that was the night that Christmas was saved By an ass and a reindeer, unfortunately named And as the children fell asleep, all snug in the houses below They could hear him call out,