 Once I think you get that aha moment and you figure out what presence truly is, it can be a very simple thing to master. But, you know, you have to start, obviously, the self-awareness is usually the hardest piece, recognizing how caught up you are in the future, you know, thinking ahead and jumping to conclusions, rather than just focusing on your breath, focusing on the moment and being like observant, basically. What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that, you're gonna have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Now, the second signal that you discussed was pressured speech. And this is another one that presents itself in those moments of tension. This need to fill that space with words and speed up the pace of the words that you're choosing, which, again, puts a lot of pressure on the other person. Pressurized speech, just thinking about it makes the other person uncomfortable. And when we're talking about a romantic setting, well, both parties want to be able to add to the conversation. They want to reveal their personality. And if you're filling all silence with your words and putting all of this extra energy into the conversation, again, very off-putting and unattractive. Yes, it's, you know, you have to be comfortable with those moments of silence. And I think that's where a lot of the magic happens, right? Like you can truly connect in a nonverbal way. And that's usually the more significant way that you connect with someone. And you can invite, you know, appropriate types of touch in those moments, too, or just, you know, just being together. But it's also true in friendships that you want to be mindful of that reciprocity that you have, that nice natural rhythm of sharing. So you're not dominating a situation. I think I did a video a long time ago about how oftentimes men will err on talking too much on a first date. And it's a it's a very typical error, but I think it's they want to make a good impression. They want to be interesting. So they start telling a whole bunch of stories. And I know you guys are very familiar with how to have better social skills and etiquette so that you can draw in the other person through your own curiosity and being interested in them. So it's the reverse really that creates better connection. Well, what's interesting about that is for a lot of our clients, they may have come to us in the beginning of with the idea of I had, I always run out of things to say and I want to be better in conversation. So of course they learn a ton from our podcasts and from our products of great conversational tools. And then they sling the pendulum the completely the other side. And now they're just their arm to the teeth and great conversation. But it doesn't stop. There's no there's no space for her. And and if you're not allowing her to share, well, that this conversation is uneven. It's weighted down by of all of his side. And she's not going to feel that it was very productive because he had left learning nothing about her. But yet she knows everything about him, which is the vulnerable position to be in, right? Right. I was just saying with that pressurized speech, we often have a tendency to overshare. We might end up sharing our insecurities and putting our foot in our mouth. Because again, we're filling that silence with words. And if you go on YouTube, you look at some of the best orators, you watch the creators that get tons of views. There are moments of silence. There are pauses to let the person who's listening, who's watching catch up to what you're saying. And if there's this incessant need to fill all of that space with more stories about yourself, more revealing who you are as a person, you're just loading up the other person with a lot more to think about. And you're not walking away knowing anything about them. And what's funny, again, in this video work segment, we'll ask at the end, well, what did you learn about her in that conversation? You talked for two, three minutes. What did you learn about her? And it's funny on day one, when they're first trying this video work, they'll often say, Oh, wow, that's right. I didn't learn anything about her. I felt the need to fill those two, three minutes with everything I could find to get her attention, get her interested. Or if they're thinking about what they're going to say next, they're not paying attention if she is sharing. So you definitely need to be present. And that is, once I think you get that aha moment and you figure out what presence truly is, it can be a very simple thing to master. But, you know, you have to start, obviously, the self awareness is usually the hardest piece, recognizing how caught up you are in the future, you know, thinking ahead and jumping to conclusions, rather than just focusing on your breath, focusing on the moment and being observant, basically. The rhythm of the conversation. And it's something that I've been focusing on as, as being on sales calls or being, being doing these interviews. And we had a few run-ins already where we had jumped on top of each other asking questions or whatnot, trying to establish what the rhythm of this interview is going to be. And you can't figure that out beforehand. You have to allow it to, to, to lay out and then you can see what it is from there. However, if you're constantly talking, trying to fill up that space or being focused inward with all your, with the anxiety going on, you're not going to be able to see that rhythm. And you use, something that you said in that observation that is going to be very important. You said the magic is in the, in those, in those silences. And if you're not picking up that rhythm, those silences are not going to be there. And you're missing out on allowing the magic to develop. And something I usually like to, to offer people when they're talking about these difficult exchanges is remembering if you're feeling uncomfortable, really tap into the empathic thinking, the emotional intelligence in the moment because you want to try to make the other person feel comfortable too. So maybe asking them a question or just putting yourself in their shoes so that you can technically like get outside of your own head and see things from their side of things. So empathy is so important too. So that's just something I wanted to mention. Well, in these moments in romance, we're looking to create sexual tension. And tension can be created one of two ways, silence, leaving the other person wondering what is going on, who is this person? Is there that spark? And then there's the inverse of sexual tension, which is loading the conversation with everything about you, leaving no room for mystery, no room for any wondering or thinking about after that date, who is this person, which often leads to the next signal, which is repeating yourself. And we see this in a lot of our coaching clients in our X Factor program. They'll ask a question of us and we're looking to help them work through and strategize and they'll end up repeating themselves and sharing the exact same thing a few times as if they're making a better point or they're making it more clearly. But in that repeating yourself, you actually don't sound self-assured. It doesn't sound like you know exactly what it is that you want to communicate. And that pattern can be one, again, that's very off-putting for the other person who's receiving the repeated message over and over again. Yeah, I mean, I think sexual tension is something else that's misunderstood or people think that it has to lead to that specific exclamation point at the end of the interaction and one way or the other could be a kiss or something, right? But I think the sexual tension, especially with some of my clients who know that the women are not open to sexual activity for the time being, they don't know how to keep that flirtatiousness alive without sort of being directive about it, you know, like just sort of sitting with it and letting it build in that anticipation just sort of, I don't know, exist without like a place to go for a while. So that can be tricky. Definitely. The over-explaining is, again, linked to this pressurized speech and repeating yourself this need to get into every last detail to fill the other person in with every possible thing that you're thinking and oftentimes can come across even worse like mansplaining and be completely off-putting. Yeah, hopefully I think people who are trying to mansplain a situation to death, I mean, hopefully the woman will kind of step up and like steer the conversation into a more relevant direction, but we don't want to leave it to them, right? Like you want to be able to catch yourself doing these things and at least redirect the conversation because you do have an opportunity to shift, right? If you see yourself making a mistake, it doesn't have to be like a disaster. You don't have to like panic, like just stay calm and switch gears. Like it's never too late. That's such an excellent point and I know many who are highly neurotic may also be perfectionists. So we'll often feel like, oh no, if you're listening to this right now and you're recognizing, okay, I do one or two of these things, all is not lost. Dating is imperfect and oftentimes some of these things will be imperceptible to her, but if it's repeated and if every interaction is filled with these signals, then of course you're pushing her away. You're removing that ability for her to be attracted to you.