 The Kraft Foods Company presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. It's the great Gilder Sleeve starring Harold Perry brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company, makers of parquet, margarine and a complete line of famous quality food products. Every man should have a hobby or so the doctors tell us and Gilder Sleeve has his. You'll find him at it morning, noon and night. His eyes shining, his mouth watering and his napkin tucked under his chin. This evening, however, appears to be a semi-formal occasion for the Gilder Sleeve napkin as a half-mast. He has tucked it dentally into the top of his vest in honor of his old friend Judge Hooker, whom he is entertaining at a family dinner. Judge, pass your plate. Let me give you a little more of the fresh meat. Well, if you insist, but only a very tiny piece, Stark Wharton. About like that? Not that tiny. I should like to say at this time, Bertie, that this is one of the most superb dinners I've ever encountered. It's just a dinner. I call it a masterpiece of the culinary art. Yeah, Bertie's a jewel, all right, Judge, the kind that's hard to find. Didn't say that again. I speak as one who's had three housekeepers in the last three months all incompetent and none of them cooks. You all still judging. I'll go get you some more biscuits. Leroy, that's my glass. Hey, look, I can play it too. That'll do, Leroy. Leroy's performance calls to mind the old Swiss bell ringers they used to have in Buttervale. Have either of you children ever... Hey, Aunt, excuse me, Judge. Hey, Aunt, can I go to the Majestic a week from Thursday? We'll see, Leroy. I gotta go. Can I, Aunt, please? They're gonna have famous Jones. I told you, Leroy. We'll see. Who is famous Jones? That fails to surprise me. What famous Jones? Holy smoke. You ought to keep in touch more, Aunt. I'm in touch with all I can handle right now, Leroy. And I repeat, who is this famous Jones? He asked me. Who is famous Jones? Stop beating on the chinaware, Leroy. Affold your hands and sit still till dessert. Okay, but can I go, Aunt, a week from Thursday? We'll see when the time comes. Oh, please. It's far too far off to even discuss. We don't have to discuss it. All I want is an answer. No. That's your answer. Now, are you satisfied? Gosh. The judge and I are trying to talk, my boy. It's time you realize that other people besides yourself have things to talk about. Sorry, Judge. What were we talking about? I don't know. You were talking about Swiss bell ringers. Oh, yes. What about the Swiss bell ringers, Judge? Well, they ring bells. Here's Birdie with the biscuits. Nice and hot, Judge. Have some. Thank you. You know, Birdie, I was just remarking to Mr. Gillishly that he's a very lucky man. He has the finest cook in seven counties. Oh, go on. Have a whole lot of biscuits, Judge. It's fact. I'm going to steal you one of these days, Birdie, if Mr. Gillishly doesn't watch out. I'll be watching. Don't worry. You sure you're happy here, Birdie? No, Hooker. What does he pay you? Are you getting decent wages? None of your business. You have a nice room, have you? Fresh wallpaper and all that, I suppose. Radio, of course. Listen, you old goat. This is the last time I invite you to dinner. Only joking, Gillishly. I know. But it's such an old joke, Horace. You have to keep repeating it. Where are you banging on? On the table. Look, you see those dents? Dents? Yes, dents. You've made dents in a genuine Philippine mahogany table. Notice them. Leroy, I'll not have you smashing up the furniture around here. Now find something else to drum on or quit drumming. Birdie said I could have a dishpan. I said quit drumming. Christmas. My boy, it's much too soon to discuss Christmas presents. Well, gosh, you might like to know I only want one thing this year. I would like to read the morning paper, Leroy, if I may. Go ahead. Who's stopping you? This. George, if it isn't one thing, it's another. Have loafer. Marjorie, stop that racket. Marjorie. Marjorie. I can't hear myself think. Yeah, it's terrible. Never mind sticking in your or. My dear, I don't want to interfere with your career in the ballet, but a man can stand only so much that infernal racket upstairs. Well, I have to practice. Perhaps you'd like me to go away somewhere and study. Perhaps you'd like to send me to New York. New York? Well, that's where the best teachers are in this country. My dear, you're not thinking of leaving home. Well, I can't study with a small town gym teacher all my life. That settles it. This has gone far enough. Ballet dancing is all very well for exercise, but it's no life. You've got to get these notions out of your head, my dear. You've got to be learning some of the fundamental things, the normal things. You think dancing is abnormal? Well, it's abnormal to be thinking about nothing else. Normal things for a girl to learn are cooking, sewing, washing, and ironing. That's one of Mother Nature's laws. They bore me. Well, they won't bore your husband when the time comes for you to get married. You think all a husband wants is someone to feed him and send his clothes to the laundry. Well, that's not all there is to marriage. But those things are important. Believe me, when a man comes to think about a woman seriously, he considers everything. You said it. Leroy, you're not old enough to have an opinion on this question. Okay, I should make that's all. That'll do. Marjorie, has it occurred to you that you might want to master some of these boring things like cooking, simply to attract a husband? That happens to be one thing I don't have to worry about. What do you mean? I have an understanding with Marshall Bullard. But? Well, isn't that nice? Am I to take this as a formal announcement? There's nothing formal about it. Marshall and I have this understanding that we both have our careers, and then when we're 35, we'll get married. If we both still want to. 35? Gosh, you'll be a grandmother by then. Leroy, will you please stay out of this? Marjorie, you can't be engaged to Marshall Bullard until you're 35 years old. We won't be engaged, exactly. We expect to have other men and women friends in between. Leroy, leave the room, please. Why? Leave the room, go outdoors, play with your drumsticks, anything. Okay. And don't slap! Don't slam the door. Marjorie, marriage is it. Well, it's a very serious thing. Okay, what of it? I just told you it'll be years before we even consider it. That's what I mean, my dear. I don't think you quite understand all the problems involved. Do you? Well, I'm a good deal older than you, my dear. You're not married. No, but I almost was. Maybe I should have been. Maybe you should. Mrs. Ransom might have taught you a few things. No, my dear. Well, you're certainly no authority on marriage. If you'll excuse me, I'll get back to my room. What am I going to do with her? It was Leroy, I know. But Marjorie... I don't know. Say... Hello, Leela? Dr. Martin Giller, slave. Say, Leela, could you do me a big favor? We'll come right over, will you? Quick? Add a girl. I'll do the same for you sometime. Yeah, goodbye. I mean, no. That is, well, nothing in particular. Sit down. Where's Leela? Is that what you call me downstairs for? Nothing in particular? Huh? Oh, no, no, no. I wanted to have a talk with you. You just had a talk with me. Yes, well, I wanted to have another talk with you. Sit down. I'm sitting down. Oh, yeah, so you are. Where is she? Uncle Morty, if you have nothing to say to me, I might as well go back upstairs. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. I have lots to say to you. How did school go today? That's fine. Glad to hear it. But I wanted to say, my dear. There she is. Well, now who could that be? I'll go and see. Oh, this is a pleasant surprise. Surprise? I thought you said to come right over. Come in, Leela. Awfully glad you decided to drop over. Yes, indeed. Marjorie and I have just been sitting here having a little heart-to-heart chat. Haven't we, my dear? Hello, Marjorie. Hello, Mrs. Ransom. Uh, Marjorie. I wonder if you'd mind running into my study and closing the window in there. I seem to feel a little draught. Would you mind? Not at all. Leela, help me out, huh? Marjorie's being a little difficult, and I thought if you could say a word to her, it might make more of an impression. Why, shouldn't it, Throckmohen? What do you want me to say? Well, she seems to think, because I'm her uncle. I don't know anything about girls, I mean. But you're a married woman, I mean you were. And if you told her, whoa, back already, my dear. Did you close the window? The window wasn't opened. Well, can you beat that? I could have sworn I felt a draught. Well, that just goes to show. I think as long as Mrs. Ransom's here, I'll excuse myself if you don't mind, Uncle Mort. No, no, no, stick around, my dear. You know, Leela, it's quite a coincidence. You're mentioning the thing you were just talking about. What was I talking about? About how important it is for a woman to know how to sew and cook and all those things. Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see, Marjorie and I were just having a little discussion about that, weren't we, my dear? Uncle Mort, who are you trying to fool? I don't know what you mean. You got Mrs. Ransom over here to lecture me, because you weren't getting anywhere yourself. So you... Now, Marjorie, all your uncle did, he called me up and asked... Leela! All right, maybe I did. But it wouldn't do you any harm for once to listen to your elders. Now, Throckmorton, that's no way to persuade anybody. Marjorie, honey, pay no attention to your uncle. Leela, that's not what I got you over here for, to tell her to ignore me. Well, what is it you wanted me to talk with about Throckmorton? He wants me to get married, and I have no intention of marrying till I'm 35. It's not that, but she's got a lot of fool notions in her head about a career, Leela. I want you to tell her it's important to a woman to learn the old-fashioned virtues first. Oh, it is, Marjorie. It's terribly important. What old-fashioned virtues, Throckmorton? Well, things like cooking and sewing and sweeping and dusting. Well, of course, I don't know a thing about those things, Throckmorton. I never did. Huh? Well, I always had those things done for me all the time I was married. We always had so many servants. There, just what I've been saying. Yes, but where are you going to find servants these days? Tell me that. Well... Eh, I didn't think of that, did you? Maybe you'll be a little more inclined to listen to me hereafter. Of course, Throckmorton, as always, Betty. Why, of course, Bertie. When we're married, Bertie can come with us. Over my dead body. Oh, well, you won't be needing us, Throckmorton. You'll be so old, Bobby. We'll take Bertie, and you can come and visit us every year. How will that be? Listen, you can take my house. You can take my car. You can take my debts and assets. But nobody takes Bertie, understand? Bertie stays with me. You're staying with me. Kildersleeve will be back in just a moment. Mr. Lang, you always speak with such enthusiasm about the fine flavor of parquet margarine. You bet. You just can't beat parquet as a spread for bread, rolls, muffins, pancakes, waffles. And I've heard you say that parquet margarine is so wonderfully nourishing, too. That's right. Parquet margarine is one of the best energy foods you can serve. It's made from vegetable oils from the farm, oils rich in energy, and it's fortified with important vitamin A. Well, what I'm leading up to is this. My family's food bill is not getting any lower, and I certainly appreciate the fact that parquet margarine provides my family with such fine nourishment at so little cost. Well, that's something all homemakers appreciate. And remember, for only about half the price of costly spreads, your family, too, can enjoy parquet's fine, fresh flavor. As a matter of fact, millions of American families do prefer parquet margarine to any other spread, because it tastes so good. Yes, it pays to buy delicious economical parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine, one of the quality foods made by Kraft Foods Company. Now let's get back to the great Gilder Sleeves. Having failed in his efforts to interest his niece in the domestic arts with the aid of Mrs. Ransom, he tries, characteristically, to reason with Marjorie himself. A sample of his reasoning. By George, you learn housework whether you want to or not. End of sample. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. We'll join Gilder Sleeve in just a minute. Let's pop into his kitchen first, where we find Leroy entertaining the priceless birdie. Well, it's noisy. Well, I haven't got quite perfect yet, but what can you expect on dish pan? It's a good riff, though. It's over off one of Famous Jones' records. I used to know him. You knew him? To say hello to? We went to school together in Chicago. Gosh, he's coming here next week to the Majestic. Would you go and see him? No, Famous wouldn't remember me if it hadn't been so long ago. I sure never thought Famous was going to be famous in them days. Nobody else did either. Didn't he play drums in school? He didn't do much of anything except getting trouble. What kind of trouble? What kind of trouble? Birdie! Oh, Birdie! Look what he was. Yes, Miss Gilder Sleeve? Hello, Marjorie. There's no use being a baby about this. You're treating me like a baby? No, no. What are you doing out here, my boy? I've told you not to bother Birdie in her kitchen. I'm not bothering her. We were talking about Famous Jones. Birdie knows him. Well, get out of here anyway. Birdie, Marjorie has decided it's time she learned a few of your Famous secrets. Listen to him. You need to realize that there are things every girl should learn about running a house. And who better to learn from than our Birdie? What kind of things, Miss Gilder Sleeve? Oh, cooking, sewing, washing and ironing, sweeping. There ain't much to learn about sweeping, Miss Gilder Sleeve. Anybody can sweep if they want to. I don't want to. Oh, dear. That's our little difficulty, Birdie. Marjorie has the idea she can manage to get along without housework. She wants a career, she says. I just want independence, that's all. You see, Birdie, she doesn't realize that real happiness lies in making some nice young man happy. Oh, Skipett, what do you want me to do? I want you to do it cheerfully, my dear. Marjorie, someday you'll meet a fine, clean-cut young man with a good job and determination to succeed. Why, the first thing you know, you'll be owning your own home, picking flowers in your own little garden, standing at that little gate every evening when he comes home from the office. Never mind the commercial, Uncle Morton. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. I'm not going to stand by and let you ruin your life, my dear. You may resent this now, but in a few years when you've got children of your own in a car, in a radio, you'll thank me. Now, I'll tell you what I want you to do. What? I want you to start right in. I suggest you take over the responsibility for this evening's supper. Oh! Oh, is it? And under Birdie's supervision, of course. What have we got for supper tonight, Birdie? Anything complicated? No, sir. Just some lamb. I'm going to make lamb stew out of. Just the thing. Just a dish to tempt the husband. I'd never marry a man that liked lamb stew. Well, you cook it anyway. All right, all right. That's the spirit. Now, the thing to remember about a stew, Marjorie, is to cook it slowly. You simmer it. Am I right, Birdie? Yes, sir. He'll put on this apron, honey, while I get the pan to brown the meat. Okay. On the other hand, the main thing in baking is to get a hot oven and bake fast. How about that, Birdie? That's right, Mr. Galesleeve. Slice up these carrots, will you, honey? Okay. What kind of biscuit are you figuring on, Birdie? Just a regular baking pot of biscuits. Well, nice cornmeal muffins might be better for her to learn on, Birdie. Let me tell you about cornmeal muffins, Marjorie. The trick is to grease the pan. Uncle Mort, I'm trying to peel these carrots. Peel them, my man. Honey, you don't peel carrots. You just peel them. Well, Uncle Mort's telling me so many things about baking and stewing and greasing. I can't possibly keep my mind on what I'm trying to do. You're right, my dear. Too many cooks spoil a broth. I guess you and Birdie can take care of everything. You trust me, Mr. Galesleeve. I'll just keep an eye on her, and I bet she'll fix up as nice and suppers you ever sat down to. Yeah, you bet. And the first thing you know, she'll be enjoying herself. She'll be loving every minute of it. Oh, beat it for heaven's sakes. Go away. Huh? Uh, oh. Oh, are we talking to me? Oh, very well. I'll go away. I'll go out and get a little of the nice automare, my dear. Welcome to you, Pee-Pee. What can I do for you this fine November evening? Not a thing. Not a thing, Pee-Pee. Just stepped out to work up a little appetite before dinner. Work up an appetite, eh? I didn't know that was ever a problem with you. Well, ordinarily, you might be right. But tonight, I don't know. We're conducting a little experiment at my house. Marjorie's cooking the dinner. Marjorie? Well, I didn't know that Marjorie was domestically inclined. Well, she's not. I'm trying to incline her. Yes, Pee-Pee, I don't know what the younger generation is coming to. Why, would you believe it? I don't believe that girl even knows how to boil an egg. Well, I don't know that that's so serious. Boiled egg is pretty easy to come by. It's not really the egg. It's the principle of the thing. The girl's got to be able to cook if she wants to get anywhere with men. I wouldn't say that. If she wants to get married, I mean, Pee-Pee. Now, Marjorie's got some fool notion she wants to be a dancer. Who's gonna marry a dancer? You never know. I'd say there were two ways of looking at it, Mr. Gilder-Sleeve. Those that married cooks, you know. Maybe sometime they wish they'd married dancers. And then again, those that married dancers... You bet. They wish they'd married cooks. Maybe. There's just one thing about it. If you marry a dancer, you can always hire a cook. But if you're married cook, you see what I mean? Pee-Pee, I don't know why I come in here and talk to you. All you ever do is argue with me. No, no, I wouldn't say that. It's true. You don't believe half the things you say. You just say them to make me mad. Well, I... You don't really believe the things you're saying now. Do you? I don't know. When a man gets to my age, Mr. Gilder-Sleeve, he looks back. He looks back and he begins to wonder. Wonder what? Well, how things might have been if they weren't the way they were. Oh? What do you mean? Well, if he hadn't tipped his hat that time and offered to see the girl home afterwards and if he hadn't taken out that insurance policy when she told him to and kept up the payments all these years. Another thing. He wonders if he hasn't missed something always playing safe. But Pee-Pee... Pee-Pee, you're a happily married man. What could you have missed? I guess I'm just in a dangerous mood this evening. Pay no attention to me. Well, keep plugging, Pee-Pee. It'll all work out for the best. That's what they've been telling me all these years. I gotta be getting home to dinner. Good night, Pee-Pee. Good night, Mr. Gilder-Sleeve. Might have been worse, you know, Pee-Pee. You might have married a dancer. So am I. So am I. Tell me if it's amazing I dare any more at home like you do. Oh, well, he's probably right. It was probably all for the best, during it. I wonder what kind of a supper my little niece will have for me. Well, however it is, I'll pretend I like it. The kids are growing up. Just a few years ago, they were toddling around, falling down. Now here's Marjorie serving her first dinner. There'll be flour on the tip of her nose. Her cheeks all pink from the oven. That by now, she's as nervous as a bride. Is that Marjorie? Why isn't she in the kitchen? Certainly not. Is that Marjorie up there in her room? Go up and tell her to cut it out. Go up and tell her, Leroy. That's not the point. The object is to get a little quiet around here. Go upstairs and get ready for supper. What's Marjorie doing up in her room? I thought she was going to get supper. Well, Mr. Gillsleeve, I'll tell you how it was. You lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink unless he's thirsty. Never mind the proverbs, Bertie. What happened? Mr. Gillsleeve, her heart wasn't in it. Well, maybe not, but I expected her to stick to it once she started. There's no use, that's all. She cut her hand peeling the potatoes and burned herself light in the stove, but I was afraid we wouldn't have no supper if I didn't get her out of here. Well, in that case, you did right, Bertie. I don't understand. That girl, she seems normal enough, don't you think so? She's all right, Mr. Gillsleeve, just a little young. I should think any normal young girl would want to learn these things so she can have a happy married life, wouldn't you think so? Absolutely. Miss Marjorie might not agree with you, Mr. Gillsleeve, but you sure convinced me. Bertie, what do you mean? I'm sure like what you said about the nice young man coming home every evening. You haven't anything definite in mind, have you? I ain't saying. I've done it again. We'll hear from the great Gillsleeve again in just a few moments. Good meals are always more enjoyable when served in pleasant surroundings. We men folks and the children too appreciate those bright little touches. Gillsleeve so often dream up to make family meals happier occasions. For example, supper by candlelight or an attractive centerpiece. And how much better the food is too when appetizing touches of flavor are added. So I'd like to recommend for your enjoyment, Parquet Marjoran, the delicious spread for bread that's made by craft. Any meal is brighter when you serve fresh bread, muffins and crusty hot dinner rolls with Parquet Marjoran, the spread that tastes so good. This will tell you why Parquet is still unmatched for fresh, delicate flavor. So be sure to enjoy delicious economical Parquet soon. That's P-A-R-K-A-Y, Parquet Marjoran, made by craft. Before I go out I've been thinking about your room. Maybe we ought to freshen up a little, huh? Some new wallpaper, how would that be? That'd be fine, Mr. Gillsleeve. And some curtains, some nice white curtains? That'd be nice. I'd even get you a radio to listen to. Would you like that? A radio would be nice. We'll see. Mr. Gillsleeve, as long as you're going down the town, would you mind dropping a letter in the box for me? A letter? Glad to, Bertie. Here it is. Much obliged, Mr. Gillsleeve. Not at all, Bertie. Not at all. Mr. Famous Jones, Majestic Theater Summerfield. Personal. Good night, everybody. Great Gillsleeve is played by Harold Perry. It is written by John Whedon and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Meakin. This is John Lang speaking for the Craft Foods Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of the Great Gillsleeve. Now here's a favorite food you can serve in a hundred or more tempting ways. It's Pabstette, the delicious cheese food that spreads, melts, slices, toasts to perfection. Serve it between meals and at parties as a tasty appetizer or sandwich spread. And at mealtime, enjoy Pabstette's mellow cheddar cheese flavor in omelettes and souffles and in smooth, luscious sauces for macaroni, egg, and chicken dishes. It's extra nourishing, easy to digest, and Pabstette comes in two popular varieties, golden cheddar and pimento. Buy delicious Pabstette cheese food when you shop tomorrow. This is the National Broadcasting Company.