 J-E-T-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with hallelujah from Hit the Deck. Here's the true story as told in the local paper of a potluck supper which was held out in Madison, Wisconsin, a short while ago. It seems that eight women were each asked to bring one surprise dish. And the reception committee thought they'd probably bring baked beans or potato salad. Well, the table was all set and the coffee was brewing and they began to unwrap the dishes. The first dish was Jell-O. The second dish was Jell-O. The third dish was Jell-O. Four, five, six, seven, eight, so help me, they were all Jell-O. And not a baked bean or a bit of potato salad inside. Well, we've never recommended Jell-O for your entire meal, but that story shows you what we mean when we say Jell-O is America's favorite Jell-Oton dessert. That's because it tastes so good with that delicious extra rich flavor as tempting and refreshing as the real ripe fruit. It's the perfect dessert for any occasion. Family luncheon, company dinner, or just potluck supper. So look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O and Jell-O spells a treat. It was hallelujah played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, may I present our versatile master of ceremonies. A comedian who with one subtle gesture, one wistful look, can plumb the depths of your emotion. I get right down there. Why, only two weeks ago, he was Gangadine in a loincloth lost on the desert. Water. Water. That's what I want. Water. And last week, he was Alexander Graham Bell inventing the telephone. Operator. Operator. That's what I want. Operator. So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, we bring you the Paul Mune of Radio Jack Benny. Thank you. Jell-O again. This is Jack Benny talking. And Don, I appreciate that lovely introduction you gave me. I'll admit I have done some fairly dramatic things in radio, but you really shouldn't compare me to Paul Mune. He's a great artist. But Jack, look at the way you handled the role of Gangadine two weeks ago. Who else could have given it such a vivid characterization? Oh, Don. And last week, when you portrayed Alexander Graham Bell, who else could have brought to life that great scientist and inventor? Who else? I'm thinking, Don. We don't grow on bushes, you know. Oh, hello, Mary. Hello. Why, Jack, do you realize that an artist like you is only born once in a hundred years? Now, wait a minute, Don. I appreciate that, but really, I'm not the actor I think I am. I mean, I'm not the actor you think I am. You're the actor I think you are. Mary, I'm talking to Don. What were you saying, Don? We were talking about the big opening of the Hollywood race track last Tuesday. We were not. Now, get back in them green pastures. Oh, yes, pardon me. I was comparing you to Paul Mune. Yes. Oh, Jack, I should think you'd want to get off that subject. My goodness, haven't you any modesty? Well, it isn't the case of modesty, Mary. I just want to get this thing settled one way or the other. Either I'm as good as Paul Mune or I'm not. Personally, I don't think so. You can be sold. Not so easy, Mary. I never swell up without a struggle. You know that. Go on. You're the only guy I ever saw that gets mumps above the ears. That's so. You're certainly a smarty-pants today, aren't you? Say, Jack. Yes, Phil. This may be a surprise coming from me, but the dramatic stuff you've been doing on our program lately has been terrific. No kidding? Why, there isn't one person who comes into the Wilshire Bowl and has a marvelous dinner for a dollar and a half and no cover charge that doesn't say Jack Benny's sensation. Well, thanks, Phil. I know that comes right from the heart. I may rib you a lot, Jack, but as far as I'm concerned, you're as good an actor as Paul Mune any day. And I know what I'm talking about. Well, Phil, if you're kidding me, I'll kill myself. No, Jack, I'm on the level. Me, too. Oh, I see. I get it. So you guys thought you were fooling me, eh? Thought you were putting something over on me. Well, the joke's on you because I went right along with you. Yep, hook, line, and sinker. Well, Mary, you don't think for one minute that those guys had me going, do you? I was just stringing them along. You were? Certainly imagine comparing me to Paul Mune as though I'd fall for that. Why, as an actor, he makes me look like a nickel. You got change coming, brother. Thanks. And congratulations to all of you who are very clever. But you know what kills me? But you guys can always think of silly gags to pull on me. But last week my car was stolen right in front of the studio and not one of you had the decency to ask me if I'd found it or what happened to it or anything. Find a bunch of pals. Oh, that's right, Jack, and I'm sorry I forgot about it. Nobody cares what happens to me. My car can be stolen, my house could burn down. Well, I could come down here next week in a wheelchair and none of you would be surprised. Well, you're about to. I am, eh? Yeah, you don't look so hot right now. Well, there's a reason for that, Phil. I was up all night trying to find a loophole in your contract. That's why. Did you have a lawyer with you? No, it wasn't the Sandman. Phil better keep his fingers crossed. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. You just get in? Yeah. Say, Jack, I want to tell you something before I forget it. I think you're a better actor than Paul Muney any day. Oh, fine. And that comes right from the heart. Skip it, Kenny. Skip it. It's all over. You should have got here earlier. Oh, darn it. I miss all the fun. Oh, so you were in on that little plop too, eh, Kenny? Yeah. Oh. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I was wise to the whole thing. It was a very obvious gag. Oh, I brought that up at the meeting, but no one agreed with me. The meeting? Oh, so you fellas have a club now for your little conspiracies against me. Do you belong to it, Mary? Oh, sure. I'm a member of the BBU-THD. BBU-THD, what's that? Bill Benny up and tear him down. Well. Incorporated. That's quite a little organization you got there. Roosevelt, I mean of your club. Who's ahead of us? I'm the exalted high supreme knife in the backers. Well, I should have known that. Imagine a club devoted to the principle of making my life miserable. What's the password of this secret society? I suppose you have one. Yes, Jack, and it's very mysterious. When you get to our headquarters, which I'm not at liberty with the Bugs, you knock on the door three times and say, Jello, Jello, Jello. I see. And then someone opens the door? Not yet. Oh. Then a man looks through the people and says, name these six delicious flavors. Weird, isn't it? And you say, strawberries, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Gee, and then he opens the door? Not yet. Oh. And then the man says, is Jello economical and easy to make? Uh-huh. And you say, yes, brother, but it's not genuine without the big red letters on the box. Oh, ain't this spooky? And then the man opens the door? Not yet. Oh, for heaven's sake. What happens next, Don? Then you slice a banana, put it on top of the Jello, and serve it with whipped cream. Oh, that's so complicated. And then the man opens the door? What door? What door? The door that the man was talking to, to the door, I mean the man on the other side who was, oh, forget it. I'm all mixed up now. It's perfectly clear to me. Well, you're sharp, Kenny. However, gotten involved in these doors, I don't know. And now, folks, going from the secrets of this sinister organization to our solo of the evening, we will have a song by our mystic young tenor, Kenny Baker. This is a brand new number that will soon sweep the country and come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. I will listen to your program, and I think you're as good an actor as Paul Muney and Spencer Tracy put together. Well, thanks. Thanks a lot. I wish somebody put me together. Goodbye. I'd like to have his head on the end of my cane. Sing, Kenny. Well, I'd love you'll be in the spell of anew to bear and look at you as the violins play for the moon and the melody. Sing to come to our end of spell of anew. It's sung by a young punk. But I want to tell you something, Kenny. That was very good. Now, I do know I was going to say that. You say the same thing every week. You're in a rut, Pappy. That's right, sonny boy. If you want to get cute next week, I'll just ignore your song. I won't say a word about it. You do, and I'll tell Mervyn on you. Don't stop showing off just because you've got a manager. I've got a manager, too. Some manager. I saw Mountain Hall a little while ago passing out cards. So what? Jack Benny Comedian. Available for wedding, smokers, and weenie bake. If you don't make it last, you only pay half. Well, that's only fair. But don't run down my manager. He keeps me busy as a bee. While last night, I was master of ceremonies at the world premiere of that new meat market in Santa Monica. I went over very big. Did you bring home the bacon? I got paid in cash. It wasn't a barter deal. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Say, Jack, I can't understand why a guy like you that's supposed to be a big shot plays all those cheap dates. Cheap dates? You're a fine wonder, Thor. When I found you, Phil, you and your boys were playing in the rose room of a livery statement. Phil Harris and his feed bag, nine. Remember? Them were the happy days. Yeah, they certainly were. By the way, Jack, what were you doing in the livery statement? He was in their pitching. All right, let's reminisce some other time. And speaking of jobs, Mary, I wish I had a nickel for every tray you juggled. Yeah, she knows I'm not kidding. Now, ladies and gentlemen, as I started to announce, next Sunday night, as a super special offering, flying bennings will present, for your entertainment, one of the... Open up, you've got company! Come on in, Andy. Hiya, Buck! Long time no see. Ray, what are you doing in town? Buck, I come down to invite you and the gang over to the house next Thursday night. We're going to have big dealings. Oh, what's going on, Andy? Well, Ma and Pa are celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Golden wedding, no kidding. See, it doesn't seem possible to have been married for 50 years. Well, Pa's still trying to get it a note. Oh, don't give me that stuff. She was 50 years. That's a long time ago. He sure is. When they went on their honeymoon, Buck and I, our falls was just dripping. And look at it now. Well, we'll all be at the party, eh, fellas? Yes, sir. I wouldn't miss that for anything, Andy. You going to have any entertainment there? Oh, yes, sir. We're going to have an orchestra, we're dancing and everything. Well, well. And for the main event, Ma and Pa are going to put the gloves on for 10 rounds. Oh, boxing, eh? Yeah, you ought to see Ma on those purple sights. What do you think he'll win, Andy? Well, around Van Nuys, the odds are five to one on Paul. I see. But confidentially, Buck, as the fight goes over three rounds, Ma will pulverize him. Well, that sounds like there ought to be plenty of excitement. Hey, Jack, don't you think we ought to chip in and buy the old folks something for their anniversary? Why, certainly. What can we buy for your Ma, Andy? Oh, anything. Buck, chip me sickle to death if you've got a pair of gold earrings or something like that. Well, we'll make her happy. And oh, yes, what does your pa want for his golden wedding? Just golden wedding. Well, I don't blame him. We've got our right to celebrate. Well, Andy, you can bank on us. We'll all be there next Thursday. I don't think I can make it. I've got a date to take my girl to a movie Thursday night. Why don't you take her out Friday night? I can't. She's our maid. Well, bring her along to the party, the more the merrier. He'll be there, Andy, and so will I. I'm counting on you. Say, Buck, I meant to tell you, I was awful sorry you... you hurt... It's all right, Andy. Take it easy. Take it easy, Andy. But while you're taking it easy, this isn't an hour or 12 hours. I mean it. But really, it's really... I was awful sorry when I heard your car was stolen. Are you going to buy another one? I will if I don't get my Maxwell back. You know, Andy, I hate to lose that car. It isn't the value of it, but it's a matter of time. Well, that car is part of it. I don't know, it's just like a child of mine. What are you laughing at? You need new seat covers. The way to like get it back. Incidentally, Mary, did you put that ad in the paper like I told you to? I'm talking about the reward, too. $75. $75? I never mentioned any reward. Don't worry, when they see your name, they won't believe it anyway. Don't be too sure. I doubt that I'll ever get that car back. Well, why don't you buy a new one, Buck? Oh, I don't know. I might. Well, I'm glad to hear it. Come on in. How do you do, Mr. Benny? I can't guarantee you need it delivery, but don't worry, you'll get it just as soon as it comes from the factory. Here, you lost time right here. Wait a minute, what is this? A van to mine. Happy Callahan. He's an automobile salesman. Well, Andy, I don't... That's all we have. Now, look, Mr. Benny, you're a busy man, and the only car in the world to you right now is the Comma 6. The Comma 6? Never heard of it. Weren't you never heard of the gittiest, cuttiest, slickest of the car on the market today? Well, half, but... Why in the world does everything take on this transmission-automatic clutch that gives you radio hot and cold running water? What are you talking about? You want a car, don't you? Well, I do, you do, and this is the lucky day for you. With every Comma 6 this week, this week only, we're getting going absolutely free a bag of peanuts. Listen, Mr. if you think I'm going to eat peanut cells all over my new car, you're crazy. Why, this is a marvelous find, Mr. Benny. It cost only $1,200 F-O-V Shanghai China. China? Yes, you know, you own a whole, you know, put some... What? What did you say? And besides that, you can save $200 to be drive the car home from the factory. Well, how am I going to drive a car from Shanghai to Los Angeles? Why the loads of marvelous? You don't hit a stop late for 5,000 miles. Well, of course not. That's the Pacific Ocean. All right, a little water ain't going to hurt ya. Now listen, Mr. I don't want to watch into this thing. I want to give it some thought. And as soon as I decide, I'll let you know. Okay, bud. No hard feelings. See you later. Remember those key hunts are going like hot cakes. Hold on. Well, there's a go-getter if I ever saw one. Is he really a friend of yours, Andy? Sure, he's going to be at the party Thursday night, so watch out. Thanks for the warning. Oh, say Phil, I've got a number while I recover from that human tornado that blew in there. All set. What are you going to play? Why are you checking? I'm going to play one of the zippiest, pettiest, liveliest little numbers you ever heard. It's got class. It's got fam. It's got fam. Wham, jam. All just playing. Don't sell us. What a knock. That was My Heart Stood Still, played by Phil Harris and his internationally famous orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, internationally famous. Yes, by that, Phil, I mean you're just as well known in Tijuana as you are in San Diego. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I have tried to announce several times this evening, next Sunday night in response to requests from two grade Danes and Iris Setter and numerous other dogs, we are going to present our version of 20th Century's current film success, The Hound of the Baskervilles. In fact, I have before me right now a letter which I received from a dog in Fire Plug Nebraska. Especially requesting this play. May I quote from this letter, Dear Mr. Bennet, sincerely yours, Priscilla St. Bernard. Now, as we have gone to a great deal of trouble and expense preparing for this massive piece, tonight, hmm, tonight we are going to give you a preview of some of the highlights of this, shall I say, canine epic? Sure. Okay. That's all right with me. Me too. Oh, quiet. Now, Andy. Yes, Buck. I'm glad you stayed a while because you're going to play the leading role. That is, you're going to be the hound of vicious snarling beast with sharp teeth and long claws. Do I have fleas too? No, you don't have fleas. And what good are the long claws? Never mind. Now, in our previous, I wish you'd had fleas after that gag. Now, in our preview, Andy, now, in our preview, Andy, you just howl when you're supposed to. Well, what am I going to be, Jack? I'm not sure, Kenny, but I think Andy bites you in the first scene. Oh, but I guess I better wear my old suit. I would, yes. And, Don, I want you to announce our trailer tonight. You know, make it sound like the march of time as only you can do it. Okay, Jack, I'll be right up on my toes. Thanks, Don, but I doubt that they can take it. Everybody ready for the preview? One, two, three. Oh, for crying out loud. I'll answer it. Hello? Hello? Hello, boss. This is Rochester. I know who it is. What do you want? This will only take a minute. All right. What is it? Well, I don't want you to know that check you left for me this morning for my weekly salary. Yes? What about it? Well, it seems to be two dollars south of the stipulated amount. Oh, well, I meant to explain that to you, Rochester. You see, you're supposed to be my butler, my valet, and my chauffeur. Uh-huh. And in as much as my car was stolen last week, you're no longer a chauffeur. Uh-huh. So I'm, uh, deducting two dollars from your check on a technicality. A technicality? Yes. Well, boss, I'm handing some ink and overrule you. You what? Don't you dare temper with that check. As soon as the car is found, you'll get your full salary and not before. My full salary is only ten dollars. Well, sure it is, but you get your room and board, don't you? I can get that in jail. No, you can't. And more of it. That's a fine way to talk, Rochester, while you've gained twenty pounds since you started to work for me, and you can't deny it. Oh, you can. Now look, Rochester, I don't want to argue with you any longer and forget about the two dollars. And incidentally, you're very lucky. I didn't take more out of your salary after what you did this morning. What do you mean, boss? I don't care how hot it is. You had no excuse for shaving all the fur off of Carmichael. He looks like nothing now. I told you to clip him. If I don't get that two dollars, I'm going to peel him. You leave that polar bear alone, and I'll talk to you when I get home. Goodbye. Oh, boss. What? I forgot to tell you your manager called. Oh, what does he want? He says there's a new driving stand opening at ten o'clock tonight, and you've got to be there in full dress. Oh, okay. I'll be there. Put on some cork. I'm working with you. Oh, no, you're not. And goodbye. Huh. None of that Sambo and Tambo stuff for me. I'm doing a monologue. All right, fellas. Time is getting short, so let's get ahead with our preview. Ready, Don? All set, Jack. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for a few of the highlights from next week's sensational attraction, The Hound of the Baskervilles. Oh, Sherlock. Sherlock Holmes. Yes, Watson? This man is dead. Dead? How do you know? I shook hands with him and he wouldn't let go. That's elementary, Watson. Elementary. Mystery. Now listen to me, Lady Barrow. I want the truth. Did you kill Sir Hugo? I didn't. You're too cruel. Too, too beastly. Rally, you are. Rally, rally, rally. And who did kill Sir Hugo? Sir Hugo was killed by... What was that? Andy Devine. That's elementary, Watson. Elementary. Action. Which way did he go? That way. No, this way. No, no, the other way. Which way? Anyway. Look where he is now. I'll get him. Those are just a few of the thrills that are in store for you next Sunday night. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get him. I'll get you next Sunday night. So be sure and tune in. Play foes down where through, pay playfell. Well, whenever the old nursery rhyme about the queen of parts and the tarts that were stolen away. Well, if those parts were half as delicious as the ones I'm going to tell you about, it's no wonder somebody swiped them. For these are jello fresh fruit tarts and really, they're swell. You can use fresh strawberries, raspberries, or orange sections and the same flavor of jello to match. And here's the way to make them. Sweeten the fruit. Then dissolve one package of jello in one pint of hot fruit juice and water. Pour this mixture over the sweetened fruit then turn into baked tart shells and chill until firm. And there you have something. Crisp golden brown little tart shells filled to the brim with fresh fruit and delicious shimmering jello. So get some strawberry, raspberry or orange jello tomorrow and try these fresh fruit tarts. We're a little late, so good night folks. The maker pairs on the jello program for Tennessee Marv & Lowei Productions. This is the National Broadjusting Company.