 the narcissist has to be 10 steps ahead of you. Narcissists can often seem as though they are quick-witted and forward-thinking. They can seem as though they have an ability to think or respond quickly and effectively, as though they are mentally alert, quick in perception and understanding, as though they are always planning for the future, as though they are always anticipating trends, patterns or reactions. And while this may be a good trait to possess, for someone who is trying to make progress, the narcissist always has ulterior motives. They are playing a game with you, they are manipulating the situation in a way that is dishonest and unfair. This is something that they do to distract themselves from their lives. It is a form of escapism that provides them with amusement or fun. By being 10 steps ahead of you, by being more prepared than you are, it has nothing to do with them being more advanced or more skilled. It just means that they have predetermined the outcome or course of events to gain an unfair advantage over you, so that they can make full use of and derive benefit from you or gain narcissistic supply by making themselves appear as though they are more advanced or more skilled than you are, when really they're just more manipulative, they're more concerned with gaining influence or control over you, they're more concerned with their own aims or interests, while you may have been more interested in naturalness, openness and shared objectives. The narcissist is in it for themselves, so they have to plan or coordinate the elements of a situation to produce their desired effect. They have to be 10 steps ahead of you to avoid the situation working out in your favor because that would then be unfavorable for them. Narcissists have a black or white mentality, dualistic thinking, in their minds, something is either good or bad, right or wrong, there can only be winners or losers, and if this situation was to work out in your favor, that would make you the winner and then the loser, even if you had a shared objective and there was the freedom of naturalness and openness and there was an opportunity when you could be winning together, they would still feel like they are losing. In their minds, someone has to be the loser so that they can be the winners and that is why they have to be 10 steps ahead of you, they have to be more prepared than you are, they have to plan or coordinate the elements of the situation in advance to produce their desired effect rather than letting the chips fall where they may, rather than allowing events to happen without trying to change them, rather than allowing events to unfold naturally because they already believe that they are at a disadvantage, they already feel like they are the losers and that you are naturally more capable than they are, they are deeply insecure, they are uncertain and anxious about themselves, they are not confident and that is why they have to have control over the situation, that is why they have to influence and direct your behavior and the course of events, that is why they have to keep watch of you, it is in the interest of their security because they are insecure, a person who is secure, a person who is certain to remain safe and unthreatened is going to feel no need to control you or the situation because they feel protected against any potential threats, they feel free from danger or harm, the narcissist is lacking confidence, they are uncertain of their abilities and they are lacking belief in your trustworthiness or reliability, they are suspicious of you, they are paranoid and hyper-vigilant because they believe that if they can be so manipulative, if they can be so unfair and dishonest then so can you, they don't realize that not everyone is like them, they assume that everyone is fake and dishonest just like they are, they project their traits on other people around them because they don't want to accept what they've become, they don't want to accept that they have to play dirty just to get their needs met just to get things to work out in their favor because they lack the capabilities to be anything great on their own they have to cheat, lie or steal to achieve or obtain anything they cannot let the situation play out on its own because they know that would put them under the disadvantage so to level the playing field they have to be 10 steps ahead of you they have to be more prepared than you are and in their warped minds and in their distorted reality they actually believe that's winning thank you for watching i hope this video resonates with you please like comment share and subscribe click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos if you're likely to donate my paypal link is in the video description coaching inquires can email me an article of coaching at dooma.com thank you for watching and i'll talk to you soon