 From DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News. This episode is brought to you by the audiobook The Last Observer, A Magic Battle for Reality by G. Michael Vasey, narrated by Darren Marlar. Here are a free sample on the audiobooks page at MarlarHouse.com, or look for a link in this show's description. While out promoting her new book this week, Hillary Clinton said she will never run for office again. So be expecting to see her on the campaign trail again in about three years. A newly published study says college students who don't go to bed or wake up at consistent times every day are more likely to have lower grades. This study was published in the Duh section of the Journal of the Obvious. A 28-year-old Portland, Oregon woman was arrested after she allegedly left her two young children in the bathroom of a public park while she went to get a tattoo. The family using the bathroom found the children ages 3 and 8 and called deputies immediately. Some parents teach by example, others teach by instructing their kids out of behave. Other parents just shouldn't be parents. Hey, Weirdos, how would you like to make more money? Well, take a lesson from billionaire Ted Turner and grow a mustache. But just don't count on keeping the extra moolah. The study reveals that your school career counselors were all wrong when they told you to show up for job interviews with a good clean shave. Men who sport mustaches are not only more likely to get hired at job interviews, they're also more likely to command bigger paychecks, according to a study performed by Quicken and the American Mustache Institute. Mustachio'd men make 4.3% more than clean shaven guys and 8.2% more than bearded gents, according to pollsters. But then there's the matter of keeping the extra cash. The survey shows men with mustaches spend 11% more and save 3% less than the combined average of bearded and clean shaven fellows. So if I understand this correctly, you grow a mustache, you keep it until you get the job and the paycheck that you want and then immediately shave it off. Police in New Jersey are looking for a man who shoplifted from a GameStop store twice in 20 minutes. The man entered the store and stole items. He returned 20 minutes later, wearing different clothes and swiped more merchandise. Apparently, it's not a job requirement at GameStop to have the ability to see people. A report says 301 species of animals are at risk of extinction because of hunting. Sadly, none of those species are feminists. What better entity to decode a 341-year-old cryptic message from the Prince of Darkness than the Dark Web? For hundreds of years, scholars and occultists have been trying to decipher a letter purported to be from the Devil himself. The story is that Sister Maria Crisifasa della Concezione, a nun at the convent of Palma di Montiaro in southern Italy, woke up after a fainting spell on August 11, 1676 to discover several letters written in her own hand in an indecipherable mix of symbols and languages. Sister Maria and her fellow nuns decided the letters were dictated to her by Lucifer in an attempt to drive Sister Maria away from God and the convent. Only one of the letters survived, and for nearly 350 years it has flummoxed scholars, mystics and code breakers. The researchers at the Lutham Science Center in Sicily cracked the code using an algorithm they found on the Dark Web. And while the translation they came up with does sound sinister, including claims that God and Jesus are dead weights and that the system works for no one, Daniel Labate, director of the center, believes the letter is proof less of the existence of Satan than Sister Maria's talent for languages and mental illness. He said, �I personally believe that the nun had a good command of languages which allowed her to invent the code, and she may have suffered from a condition like schizophrenia which made her imagine dialogues with the devil.� There was also some question about the authenticity when one section of the letter translated into the words, �Be sure to drink your oval team.� People of long-known French fries are not great for your health, but now a study is linked eating fried potatoes at least twice a week with an increased risk of death. The study, published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, looked at potato consumption in 4,400 older people between ages 45 and 79 over the course of eight years. By the end of the study, 236 people had died. Well, maybe so, but they died happy. Boeing is looking ahead to a time where jetliners fly without pilots. The company says it will test some of the technology next year. We don't believe Wonder Woman with the Invisible Jet, now you want us to put our lives in the hands of invisible pilots? There are reports that Venezuelans are eating zoo animals and their dogs as that nation's economy collapses. What's actually pretty smart, you save money on grocery shopping and you cut out the expense of feeding the animals. Win-win! While Nordstrom continues to open traditional stores like in Toronto this Friday, they're also experimenting with concept stores which are much smaller and where you can get manicures, have clothes altered or even try on designs, but the clothes would not be carried in store, they'd be delivered later. So they're opening stores that are only good for window shopping. If you're already an official weirdo, please share this video on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and other social media to help get the word out. 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