 week I was like holy shit that is that has been a huge part of my life too so yeah I've lost paper work this cost me tens of thousands of dollars and a great deal of aggravation and humiliation I sold a car and didn't get proper paperwork for it and so I was on the hook for all sorts of parking tickets holy shit hey I can't look maybe I shouldn't share this but I'll do it anyway hey right safe space yes it's a safe space here on the Luke Ford show it's between you and me nobody listening yeah so look I could I have this issue right back in something like 2014 Luke right the early stages of Bitcoin I got into Bitcoin as like a kid right yeah somewhere somewhere on a hard drive I could have like at least a minimum number of bitcoins like at least the number on like you could maybe count in a hand but potentially a huge number somewhere and this is now like 10 years over 10 years ago I was a kid at the time many computers since I have these things on like hard drives basically in the attic and you know just the potential just the like impossibility the task just seems so enormous and I've never been able to put myself through attempting to find these things and yet and this is gonna sound absolutely insane to anybody that's listening they're gonna be like what the hell are you ridiculous you could have like a life-changing amount of money sat there or something just like the end it just there's just like this blockage or something that's this blocking thing in front of my in front of my mind to just put myself through the task of attempting to go and look for this shit yeah yeah I've always had to do that which is exciting yeah absolutely I mean the losing routine paperwork not keeping track of important details and constantly searching for stimulation and excitement and and just having my mind check out when I'm faced with mundane routine reality that is not exciting and I mean just the wreckage of the consequences of that are just absolutely enormous and I was talking to a friend and suddenly I found out that he'd been diagnosed with ADHD and he talked about how he could have done great in school but he just couldn't pay attention to detail so smart guy accomplished guy but his life choices were severely narrowed because of his inability to you know concentrate on routine details yeah so when I heard you mentioned that I hadn't even realized that this is like a big consequence of ADHD like I still don't think that I'm tempted to go and get medicated Luke and you know after I played on one of my streams that walk and talk video you did where I said Luke Ford psychoanalyzing my situation here but much of it was true many of the things that you're saying were true but loads of people came and were counseling me against it and how many of those people are counseling you against it do you think we're married with kids six figure incomes or did they want to keep you a loser like them it's an interesting question isn't it I don't think people see themselves as losers and want them and want me to be a loser it it's a funny thing because advice always comes from a place of I think people are seeing seeing you fuck up but pun French but and and or potential pitfalls and it comes from a good place wouldn't you say do you really think I want to drag this guy down no I don't think they're explicitly feeling I want to drag this guy down but we see the world as we are much more than than as as the world is so people generally don't want you to change I mean people who enjoy your streams don't want you to change even though what may well be in your best interest may well be for you to stop streaming I mean I'm not recommending this I'm just saying that your best interest and the viewers best interest maybe in fact going in completely opposite directions yes I'm getting a lot of bumping with the mic I don't know if you're able to not bump your mic I mean it sounds good aside from side from the bumping but aside from the idea of giving advice comes from a good place it comes from the place of the person who's giving the advice and so if someone's messed up they are overwhelmingly going to give you messed up advice they can't help it if someone's in a good place they're probably going to give you good advice because again they almost can't help it so for I remember in one of my 12-step programs it talks about the need to rescue and the need to be rescued come from the same sick place I know at various points in my life I've wanted to be rescued and then I've also had times where I've gotten you know an emotional high from rescuing others and yeah I recognize that comes from a sick place and and so we can't do anything but speak from the position that we're in so I would just be highly skeptical that these are high-functioning people who are telling you stay just the way you are yeah how have you dealt over the years with the audience capture Luke I don't know if that's the right term it's the right term and I've struggled with I mean it's been intoxicating to me because now I grew up in in foster care so I've always been looking for love yeah I wouldn't do so many live streams if I wasn't looking for love and if I wasn't so awkward at you know getting and receiving it in in real life so audience applause is is you know highly emotional experience for me it's it's really just washed over me but then I've seen the the humiliation that has often resulted from it and and so I guess just the pain and humiliation all right it's nothing without specifics so I will get a bigger audience the more extreme the shows I do all right and and the more I will get more applause the more extreme I go and the more anti-establishment I go so I noticed that when I really burst on the scene in 2018 like doing shows with Mike Enoch and Eric Stryker and people of that ilk you know those would get the most views the most applause and when I could say anything that was a tall akin or sympathetic to what these people were saying that's what would get me the most applause and luckily at about the same time I started doing that I read the dangerous perils of the e-personality and I kind of I was able to somewhat spot what was happening but I still got I still got sucked in right I still you know said things that I regret it's it's it's very difficult it's but it's a symptom this is almost everything's a symptom of something deeper so to the extent that I've been able to build a life of self-respect for myself over the past six years approximately the less vulnerable I become to audience capture so the the problem is not audience capture the problem is how vulnerable am I to things like audience capture but also a hundred other things as well so as long as I'm vulnerable you know people are going to come along and take advantage of my vulnerability or they're going to you know incentivize me to go in in directions that are against my best interest but the problem is not audience capture and the problem is not other people the problem is that I don't consistently lead a life of self-respect from the time I get up in the morning to the time I go to bed once I have a pretty good handle on that then audience capture largely disappears as a problem you know once you like so for me adopting the mindset that everybody knows everything so graduating from the idea I'm trying to get away with something uh so that was essential also what would what would my words and deeds look like if they were published on the front page of the New York Times fairly and accurately I mean in imbibing those two ideas kind of helped me to develop a life of self-respect and then audience capture just didn't become much of much of a problem like I used to like to gamble in high school but I haven't gambled since high school uh because I kind of got that sorted out that gambling is not good for me so I watch sports and there are innumerable gambling ads but they don't really have much of an effect on me and so audience capture no longer has much of an effect on me because I've largely created a life that from the time I get up usually on average at 4 a.m the time I go to bed usually on average about 8 30 9 p.m I'm pretty much doing everything that not only I would respect but my family would respect people in my synagogue would respect and you know you would respect if you you know knew the details it's not like when I'm not live streaming I'm engaging in you know behavior that I'd be you know appalled and ashamed and embarrassed to have you know put forward to the world yeah yeah I'm sure you experienced it too the moment that you start to get a little popular people want to befriend you um and people like um you become more uh interesting to people or people just want to have you around and then they start talk talking to you or feeding you things that they want you to do uh am I resonating in any way yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah because I mean everyone has their own agenda how do you say no again yeah who's who you want to impress how do you do yeah yeah so I definitely have there are a lot of people who I want to impress uh but that's a symptom once again once I get myself sorted out so that I develop self-respect then my need for other people to provide me you know with admiration or you know give me positive strokes uh that just considerably diminishes so this desire to accommodate others it's a symptom of not respecting yourself right self-esteem is the opinion is the reputation you have with yourself and if you can develop a good reputation with yourself then it's not nearly as important to one to to meet the needs of other people particularly if you see them going against your own best interests so I think it's it's primarily a matter of getting yourself together developing a good reputation for yourself with you know life worthy of self-respect and then these other problems considerably diminished so I'll still meet people who intoxicate me you know particularly you know pretty young women or very successful and accomplished men and it's like oh you know I just want to hang around with these people I want their their good opinion but my yearning for that is considerably diminished if I'm standing on my own two feet and I'm leading a life that not just I would respect but would be considered respectable if it was broadcast to the world sure yeah that's yeah those two are often in conflict as I see it you know I never go around thinking do I respect myself or things like that um I think in many ways my self-esteem is in probably holy in what other people think of me um and as I go around in the world and thinking how do other people judge me how do I come across what is my reputation to these people based upon what they know of me already I rarely ever I rarely ever spend a moment to think yeah maybe we're just in two different mindsets here so you you go around thinking do I respect myself like actively is that what you're saying well that's my my primary goal now I I definitely get around other people and I think why aren't they including me why have they invited me I went on a hike a few months ago and I ran into four acquaintances of mine like people I've known for years and when we were done saying hi and we've gone our separate way those things it would never have occurred to any of these blokes to invite me along uh so yeah so I I still feel that keenly you know when I'm not invited to play when I'm you know not invited in I still feel that I think though my primary consideration is do I respect myself and and evidence for that is that I frequently do live streams where virtually every single person in the chat disagrees with me and I don't back down so I am very pro vaccination the overwhelming majority of my audience is anti-covid vaccination I am pro getting medicated for ADHD the overwhelming majority of my audience as opposed to getting medicated for ADHD I believe that the 2020 elections in the United States were were fair and that voter fraud would not have played a significant role in the outcome of those elections most of my audience passionately disagrees with me I'm coming around on that one so if I can if I can stand up and I can say things that virtually everyone in the chat disagrees with that to me is is evidence that I've arrived at a place of self-respect that I say things that that I respect even though everyone in the chat is is against me that that shows that I can stand on my own two feet and that I don't need you know someone else so I'll just give you one more example I know I've written something good if after I've composed it I then open up a new browser and I read the the blog post for myself or the essay for myself and if I get a chocolate out of it if I enjoy it then I know I've written something that's good even if nobody else comments on the essay or the blog post right even if no one else says it's good if I read it in a new browser look at it and I enjoy it and and I think I'm making some good points and I get a chocolate out of it okay that's self-authenticating and so I I have by no means graduated from comparing myself with others and noticing others there's no way to graduate and it's not even desirable we need to constantly compare ourselves to others for informational purposes maybe they're doing things that I need to do and you know there are various reasons and maybe I need to repair those relationships or I mean we can't help but compare ourselves to others but we we don't have to put the vast majority of our self-esteem in their hands I find that is is a very volatile and dangerous thing yeah it's certainly it's certainly a challenge certainly definitely in the early stages of getting any popularity whatsoever I feel like in say the last few months my online streaming for whatever reason has gone like it's not necessarily my content but the attention that I'm getting has gone up a gear and I've noticed a distinct amount of more attention than I'm getting I even even on last night's show I was just like this just this morning I was just tuning in to JF Gary Epis show and there I was just watching it and halfway through the show about three quarters through somebody sends a super chat into JF Gary Epis a guy I've never heard of and his super chat was dear JF Gary Epis there appears to be a young man in England called Stephen J James who is on the verge of throwing away his own life or something and about to become a dissident on the internet would you have any advice for such a young man and I'm there thinking what the hell is going on here and so these are various surreal moments I don't think I am that guy by the way but other people seem to think that that's the situation I'm in well yeah it comes go ahead yeah I was just saying people will rarely see you as you are people will project you know things onto you and so I think what was going on in that particular instance was someone projecting things onto you because you've been doing more dissident right adjacent live streams over the past few months so you took a few months off then you came back and you did with that Thomas guy you've done you know you've you've met those desperate cravings among people on the distant right for some some content there's very little that's out there on YouTube in particular so you're meeting a desperate desperate need it's just like a woman who's a five all right and and she's hit up by these guys who haven't had sex in years and you know they are flattering her and they are trying to seduce her and you know they are doing absolutely everything they can to try to get their you know needs met with this woman who is objectively a five but due to the severe nature of their need you know she she becomes everything to them and so there is a huge need for the type of material that you're pumping out and so people are responding to you from that place of great hunger okay yeah that's what I think I mean what do you think of that it's possible I'd like to believe people can see some potential in me and they want I think yeah I think that's probably it they want to mould me to become that thing um they see there's a potential for me to become this dissident right ring commentator or something I don't know why probably like you say it is because I've just started tackling some of these topics I have duvet on every other week now immigration's coming up I'm being I'm being asked to take positions on these things on the internet it's probably not in my best interest but when it happens you do it don't you um and my instincts are naturally well like let's just call them antithetical for the mainstream um so yeah people also don't like somebody who is like holding back so I give a sense of this that I'm like walking the fence because I'm worried about hate speech laws in the United Kingdom and that's the right thing to do I think I think you would counsel me that this is the right thing to do be very careful of what you say don't put yourself in any actual real world harm trouble but people don't like that when they're listening they want me to drag it out of you and they sense that it's deep within you and you just want to blurt it out and so they like they're they're tugging for it to some extent I mean I can give you another arena where you would get just as much praise and and maybe even more and that is if you started becoming a commentator on the world of pornography because again you don't have a lot of you know intelligent thoughtful people but if you started you know providing you know regular youtube streams on you know news and and controversies going on in the porn world just like I did on my blog for 10 years you'd get an enormous amount of attention because one there's a huge audience for for gossip about the porn industry and two you know very few people are providing it and so so yes you know if you wanted to go uh if you wanted to go swim laps in a sewer right you wouldn't keep bumping into people right there wouldn't be many people in the sewer like getting into your lane and bumping you as you go for your for your morning swim but most people don't want to swim in a sewer and for normal society but the pornography industry and the distant right are considered sewers yes it certainly is and it's swimming with sharks too yeah so definitely got to be careful of that okay right Luke I think I need to hop off right it's been great just talking with you for a few minutes there again I'm sure I'll have more to discuss in in the future sounds good take care Stephen bye bye thank you Luke thanks for having me boy yep bye okay I want to talk a little bit more about this new book by Michael Wolf on Fox News just read a few excerpts then play some more clips from Tucker Carlson Suzanne Scott the CEO of Fox News which largely barred from instructing or even talking to the networks leading prime time anchors and major money makers Carlson and Hannity what could she tell them after all that their ratings did not already say it was Scott's management mantra don't fix what isn't broken and in the variegated ecosystem of Fox misogyny Laura Ingram was derided as a hopeless drunk a bad drunk a puke spewing drunk and two she had thrown herself drunk or not at every man in the conservative movement this since her undergraduate years at Dartmouth that particular hotbed of conservatism in the 1980s where she first made a reputation and yet never sealed the deal in a story that has long haunted her she used to garden hose to flood the basement of a boyfriend who jorted her she had three adopted children now she was the telling of many men at Fox and through a socially unreconstructed conservative movement a gross pathetic drunk in a skank cue the huge peel of laughter every aunt air woman of Fox was selected for the feminine role that she could fill aside from Laura Ingram Roger Ailes was very precise about who he was casting and for what role beyond that each woman needed to be not just white but not ethnic not to look Italian Jewish Hispanic Greek or too far from an Anglo-Saxon Irish Nordic standard long leg usually blonde and in a hairstyle that said somewhere other than New York and generally a former beauty pageant type each needed to have a more particular sexual role function the girl next door the vixen the disciplinarian it was casting all had to rise to what Roger Ailes called the American blowjob test this was a home grown Roger Ailes theory but she was pleased to frequently expound upon about every man's evaluation of whether or not a woman would give head and with what verb and style one of your is favorite formulations to get ahead you have to give some head so I'm thinking about the Nicholas Cage movie the weather man and early on he and his wife go to counseling and they each have to write something on a piece of paper that they find disappointing about the other and the Nicholas Cage character wrote down I feel like your blowjobs lack enthusiasm I mean how many women out there enthusiastically give blowjobs in an ongoing relationship like the enthusiastic blowjobs that I've received of you know almost always occurred in the like the first week of a sexual relationship so generally speaking I think it's it's true that six weeks is about the half life of a sexual relationship so about six weeks in or tend to be half as intense as it was at the beginning Roger Ailes said that news is a variety show that sexy girls and outrageous man has to be clear what everybody is playing what role they are in everybody needs to play broad to play big to play character don't try to be subtle this is America so the look of cable news when he launched Fox in 1996 it looked like a classroom I wanted Fox to look more like daytime television so the women were important their job was to be familiar to other women in a non-threatening way