 make him take you seriously, come the woman he will want to choose. We're gonna dive into today. So bear with me a little bit, because we have a lot to cover, okay? So I had a client who recently told me that the reason why she's now engaged, but she said the reason why he said he chose her was because she set such high standards for herself. And he found that incredibly attractive. And I can see that why that could be attractive. And for many of you, you can recognize that it's important to have high standards for yourself. But that may not be the exact answer. And so we're gonna dive into this because something needs to happen for that man to recognize her high standard. He has to be in a place where he's ready to be in a relationship. See, this won't work if only one person is into you and the other person isn't into you. And oftentimes the reason why a man is unable to fully love or even a woman is fully unable to love is because they have deep wounds and hurts from their past experiences in past relationships or they might have a childhood wound. One of the most common childhood wounds is abandonment or feeling neglected as a child. In fact, we have a significant percentage of people today in midlife who've experienced some sort of emotional trauma at childhood which makes it very difficult for them to actually trust love with another human being. So if a person isn't capable of receiving someone's love it doesn't matter that they have this high standard for this person to take them seriously. And I think we have to recognize that dating comes in certain stages. And let me reframe that. Commitment comes in various stages. And so for it to be taken seriously, you have to hit these milestones of commitment within a relationship. Now, many of you who have followed my work know that I say it takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust. And even Jay Shetty says, I believe I heard this in one of his podcasts where he says it takes about 200 hours of face-to-face time to build a really good friendship with someone. Think about that, 200 hours of face-to-face time. And yet today, sadly, most people spend all their time on their devices texting one another. Oh, how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day today. Yes, we see a lot of people that spend a significant amount of time in text messaging but not actually in the dos and don'ts of a relationship. I said dos and don'ts. I simply mean in the social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills. All of these are these little milestones or let me reframe that. Experiences one must have to be in a position to be taken seriously. So let's look through these stages for a moment because I think this is critically important. I think one of the most important stages to go from a first date to a second date. I'm sorry, I'm laughing. But if you think of how many people tonight, or not tonight, on a Friday or Saturday night that go out on a first date and never make it to a second date, what if it's 100,000 people here in the United States are having their first date on a Friday night and it never makes it to a second date? That means let's just say for argument's sake out of those 100,000, only a thousand of them made it to a second date. I'm just being tongue-in-cheek here for a moment, but I'm sure many of you can relate to this. How many times have you gone on a first date that never led to a second date? So in essence, our greatest failure rate is going from first date to second date. You know how marriages they say have a 50% success rate? Well, first dates have a 1% success rate at best. Now I know that sounds kind of bleak, but isn't this rather true? I mean, come on, let's own it, it's rather true. So the first milestone is getting to a second date and then after a second date, do you get to a fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh date? In other words, have you spent this much time with one another? Have you made the commitment to see each other more than once? And that next level of commitment is getting to physical intimacy, which these days can happen as early as the first, second, or third date. Oftentimes I think it happens somewhere between the third and 10th date. And that's certainly another milestone, but is that a milestone of commitment? No, those are just little milestones that happen along the way. And then the next milestone is are they still around after having sex? How often have we witnessed this? I'm sorry, I'm laughing. I'm laughing at the absurdity of our human behavior. One of the reasons why I yell so often my videos that those who watch me, I'm just laughing at the absurdity of human behavior. It's rather fascinating how radically dysfunctional human beings are in the dating, mating, and relating realm. And so how many people stick around after sex one or two or three times? And then the next milestone is getting past the third month. That's another big milestone. And certainly the success rates, if you hit these milestones, remember I said first date success rate is 1%, probably getting it past the fourth date, probably as a two or 3% success rate, getting to physical intimacy might have a 5% success rate. Getting to a third month might be a 10% success rate. Getting to one year might be a 20% success rate. Keep in mind, marriages end at a 50% rate. This is where my math is coming from. So what takes someone seriously? What makes a man choose you over someone else? I think it's when he begins to want to integrate you into his life and vice versa, integrate into each other's lives. I think that's one of the most critical milestones that must be met for someone to take you seriously. See, we're not talking about it from an intellectual perspective. We're talking about this from a mating perspective. See, if 99% of the time we never get past the first or second date and 98, 97, 98% we never make it past the fourth date. It's not like they're taking you that seriously. But if we start to think of what does it mean to take someone seriously, see, this is the way I view it. I think when you're really into somebody, you know, there was that movie. He's just not that into you. I think the bottom line is he has to be into you beyond the physical. He has to be into you. In other words, he likes your company. Now this is so tricky in that first 90 days of dating because we are so amped up on chemistry or so amped up on chemicals that sometimes it's rather difficult to assess how you truly feel about someone. You know, sadly, this past few weeks, I've had three clients reach out to me. They just began dating someone. They've gotten to the 10th date mark or somewhere between seventh and 10th date. There was physical intimacy in these three situations in the last couple of weeks where the guy didn't wanna press on. Not that he might not actually like the person or cared. It wasn't enough. You see, love is an intangible. Love is a radical intangible. It is so hard to pin down. You might be on limerence. You might be feeling less, but this is why this 90 day mark switches things over to something different because most, well, okay, I need to pause for a second. Men who are rather dysfunctional in their lives, they will use women as their placeholder. These are what I call spenders. If you're not familiar with my chart, I'll share this with everyone. I go, there's three types of people actively dating. This is not a fact. It's merely an opinion. And these percentages are, 20% of men and women are users. These are the people that have short-term game, love bombers, players, goal diggers, entitled people, only caring for themselves. And I'm roughly saying it's about 20%. Now in the middle category are what I call spenders. These are the people that seek companionship, connection, and sex, but they're incapable of commitment. Their life is rather dysfunctional or chaos. That's about 60%. I say over here are the 20% of people that are grower builders. They seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up. They have good relationship skills. They have their act together. See, for a man to be able to take you seriously, he has to be a grower builder. If he is a spender or a user, he's incapable of taking you seriously. Like I said earlier, those people who are incapable of love. Because ultimately the way a man demonstrates he takes you seriously is that as I said earlier, they begin to integrate you into each other's lives. He integrates you into his life, you're integrated into his life. All right, yours and his, his and yours, okay? But another critical component, and this is where this is really tricky because oftentimes these are first, second, or third day questions that you might ask someone and you might think you're on the same page, but you find out as you get to know someone, it's radically different. And that is a shared vision for the future. A shared vision for the future. This is beyond that first day conversation. Let me tell you why this is so tricky. See, a man could say, I want a relationship. And in your mind, you're thinking, oh, we're spending three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal or professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That's the standard you have. And his is like, oh, I just wanna see you at my beck and call, okay? And by the way, you know what that space in between is called, oftentimes called drama? Okay, but so first understanding the context of what relationship is with respects to a vision. But you see, it goes deeper than the word relationship is where is your vision within a relationship? Where is your vision in life? I recognized in one of my relationships where she had a propensity to want to travel and see the world, that was her vision. And my vision is the inner world. I'm fascinated with human behavior. I am fascinated with the inner world of the inner workings of my own life and other people's lives. And so we added two different trajectories of where our vision was. At first we seemed aligned, but as we got to know each other and we began integrating in each other's lives as we began the doing of life, we realized we were in different spaces. So this shared vision is critically important if you want someone to take you seriously. Are the two of you on the same page? And it's not just the word I want a relationship is what is your day in, day out relationship looks like? See ultimately true commitment when they'll choose you over someone else is where you actually have a intentional future. In other words, let me reframe that where you actually have an idea of where this relationship is going. But Jonathan, if I ask a man where the relationship is going, he might break up with me. You know, folks, I do this illustration but many of you have duct tape over your mouth. Your silence in not speaking up is only prolonging some agony you may experience in the future. It is incumbent upon human beings to have deeper conversations earlier on to know if they're on the same page, regular check-ins. I have one client now who's finally after five years, they're moving in together. And they used to have a practice of once a week just check-ins with each other. Part of the reason why it took them so long is they had some things going on in their life and there was 30 miles of distance. So they finally squared away all of the logistics to make this work. But my point is they made an agreement early on to have weekly check-ins and to discuss where they're at each week. Do you know how few couples actually do that? How few couples actually have some serious, vulnerable, authentic, transparent conversations with one another? You see, as I began earlier in this broadcast I talked about the woman or the man who said, I chose you because you had such high standards. See, we have to differentiate, standards oftentimes is picking us. I can tell you, I have witnessed so many women that it is not their standard. It's their ridiculous expectations that cause them to miss out on a good relationship. And by the way, men are just as equally as picky as well. By the way, I'm an equal opportunity judge here of men and women. I know I've been criticized in past broadcasts for being harsh on women. I am equally harsh on men, I'm harsh on women because again, as I said earlier, I'm laughing at the absurdity of human beings. But to set a high standard for oneself is really about having clarity on the type of relationship you want and then maintaining a boundary to that clarity. That's what your standard is. What is the type of relationship you want? And yet sadly, many of you think of relationship women, okay, women, you think of relationship up in the clouds and men have this fantasy that when they meet the one everything is gonna change for them. This is the delusion men and women typically exist in because they haven't really thought of it from a granular perspective. You see, when you're in your 20s and 30s, it's really, it's very simple. It's about making babies and raising a family and supporting that family. That's that shared vision and that's where everything resides for the most part. It's no longer about the couple. It's about raising, making babies, raising babies and providing for those babies. It's a very easy path to be on. For those of us in midlife, and I always say midlife is after baby making years and before retirement. So for those of us in midlife, it's radically challenging because here's the dilemma. Many of us roughly, I'm gonna speculate here, roughly 75% of singles over 45 years old are most likely divorced and they don't even know how to integrate someone into their life. They have no clue how to integrate someone into their life. And a lot of people are afraid of integration because of the wounds that are usually, okay. Realize that divorce is the unraveling of the tapestry of a former life and many people are afraid to do this once again. And it's why some people, as I said in the beginning of this broadcast, I said if a man isn't ready, he can't even see the value of you to take you seriously. So first, and by the way, here's a link to a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. You have to vet his emotional maturity. Do you share, do you have to vet his, if your lifestyles are compatible with one another? You have to vet for his values and his vision. You must vet for these things. But Jonathan, that's not romantic. I am told not to interview someone. Folks, I'm here to say, throw away that garbage. You absolutely need to interview people whether you like it or not, because here's the dilemma. Many of you are faced with. I'm gonna read this post. Maybe this might help illustrate a point I'm about to make, okay? Because many of you out there in the universe subscribe to this. But I wanna read something to you. This is very valuable. This is a Instagram post I had today. It said, for hundreds of thousands of years, mating almost always was within one's tribe. And there was no dating because there was almost always alignment regarding needs. The most common need was for survival and supporting one another in a symbiotic way. The need for survival created a dependency on one another and almost everyone knew the score regarding expectations. This is not true in our current mating environment where cultural differences, economic differences, intellectual differences, mental health differences, physical differences, as well as many others play a factor in relationship success, which is why romance was created to cut to the chase and go straight to bonding. The minute one person is bonded, they will accept the differences even if it's not healthy for them. Let me repeat that. The minute someone is bonded with another, they will accept differences even if it's not healthy for them. The reason why it's called dating is to collect data because the likelihood of pure alignment is rare before bonding. And I wanna read the meme and it says this, romance before commitment often creates a false sense of intimacy and trust. Folks, it is imperative to actually do your due diligence about someone because we don't live in the same tribe anymore where there's a ton of alignment. In fact, most people are misaligned. That's why first dates rarely lead to second dates and so forth and so on. And if you wanna set yourself apart from everyone else to be taken seriously, be crystal clear on your standard, hold your boundary to your standard, do the personal development, self-help and spiritual work to heal those child and wounds and adult traumas I spoke of earlier and do a much better job of vetting earlier just to notice if you share the same vision, to share the same values, your lifestyles are blendable. And most importantly, they have the emotional maturity to go deeper into a relationship. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear all your thoughts. As always, if you find value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit that notification bell. You can be notified of new videos. And also, if you could, there's a link below in the show notes and description. Schedule a discovery call. Join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram. Get my dating vows, get the books I recommend. Oh yeah, before I forget, don't forget my book. What the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. All the links below. All right, those who know my format know. It's time for Q and A. If you have a question, write the word question in the chat box or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from a Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him with his brother, Colin. He's my son who passed away five and a half years ago in his honor. We donate to causes like the Hoffman process, Insight Institute and scholarships to coaching as well. So hit that little dollar sign and our goal tonight is 50, wait, $50. Love to get some love tonight for the Connor Asley fund. All right, I already see a question from Julie. Jonathan, he says he's close friends with X. She cooks for him and takes her out to lunch sometimes. Should I believe him? He says it's platonic. You know, I think we're in a completely different environment than say 50 or 100 years ago. I think there's a, now I guess it depends, ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. It's rare anyone is friends with their ex-wife unless they have children with them. So I'm going to speculate this as an ex-girlfriend. And my suspicion is that they each are both single and so they utilize each other for masculine and feminine energy. And what I mean to say is she appreciates, he appreciates being with a female. He, she, excuse me, she appreciates being with a male. He appreciates being with a female. So it is quite possible it can be platonic. I guess the question would be, how long ago did they split up? Do they discuss emotional matters with one another? I think if you are in relationship with somebody and they are discussed, they had a former, they were a former lover. I think things about your relationship should be off limits to discussing with a former lover. I don't think that's very healthy to have that kind of intimate friendship with somebody that's a former lover unless there's some real radical boundaries there. But those are just my rough thoughts on that. It's hard to say, Julie. I think sometimes you can be friends. Should I believe them? I like to take people at their word. Does that mean he couldn't be disingenuous with you? Absolutely, that's possible. But I would take him at his word for now, unless he gives you otherwise cause, okay? By the way, if anyone would like to join the hot seat, I put a link there below. If you'd like to join the hot seat, don't forget to donate. Hey, we just got a new member join our membership here for $2.99 a month or 9.99 a month. You can get this special sticker and become a member on our YouTube channel. So thank you so much. Kimberly's in the house. Hi, J.A. If a guy wants to date a few women and consider all of them just friends, should I date him and others or walk? I will not sleep with anyone unless we're a couple. You know, this is really tough because I guess the question is what is dating? Let me take it a different level. What's the purpose of dating? Like what's the purpose of dating? For some people, it's just company. It's just entertainment. So if someone's just seeking entertainment, they can entertain themselves. By the way, for the guy that gets rather expensive because the expectation is men's A. So I guess the question is, is he kissing all these women? It almost reminds me of the bachelor. If you think about it, he's dating 20 women at once and then it's down to 16 women at once and then it's down to eight women at once and then it's down to six women at once and then it's down to four and three and two and one. And he's kissing all of them. They make, I mean, they show picture after picture. I'm like, shouldn't kissing be sacred? I don't know. I'd like to think it's something sacred. I don't like to date multiple people and kissing multiple people. I just don't feel that, you know, in other words, then what's the purpose of dating? Is it a fact-finding mission to decide if you wanna be in relationship with someone? I prefer to date only then in that case, if I like someone enough to have a first date, excuse me, a second date and I like them enough to have a third date, I don't really want, I want to get to know that person. It just feels more genuine to me. That's just me speaking. You folks can do whatever you want. You are welcome to do the dialing for dollars. It's like telemarketing. Can I sell you some real estate? You're, excuse me, can I sell you some home siding? Oh, I'm sorry, you don't own a home? Okay, bye. Can I sell you some home siding? Oh, you don't own a home? Okay, goodbye. Can I sell you some? I mean, like it's like ridiculous. It's like you're waiting for that one person to pop up. I don't like to operate that way, Kimberly. That's just my perception anyway. But I hope that gives you some context for my thoughts on that question, okay? Hey, Julie just responded back. Thanks, Jonathan. Yes, they knew each other a very long time. You know, it's when two people have known each other a long time, they can build a platonic, I'm, look it. Where is it? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. My ex-girlfriend, she wrote a book called Chatting or Cheating Dr. Sherry Myers, okay? There's a picture of Dr. Sherry right there. In fact, I was instrumental in helping her write her book. She gave me an acknowledgement. Here, I'll read it to everybody. I want to just share this with you. Where is that acknowledgement? It said, Jonathan Asley, who lovingly encouraged, pushed and unconditionally supported me through every step of the process of writing this book. Thank you for shining your beautiful heartlight, holding down the emotional fort and continually believing in me. You showed me firsthand what it means to live the words, I am here, you are important, and we matter. So Sherry and I were dating when she wrote this book. We met in 2011, so that was almost a decade and a half ago, and to this day, we're still friends with each other. I consider her family. She was there for me when my mother passed away, even though our relationship was over. She was there for me when my son passed away. Oh my God, she was so there for me. I consider her family. And now do we talk every once in a while? I spoke to her after my relationship with Marie ended. By the way, her living partner, they've been together six years now. He called me yesterday for some support on something. We're gonna go play golf together. So can you be friends with an ex? Yeah, likelihood is slim. It's kind of the, we're the exception, not the rule. But when grownups uncouple, you haven't read the book, Conscious Uncoupling. In fact, Sherry and I are in this book. I think it's page 220, page 220, I think. Hold on a second. So we are in this book. I think it's page 220. I could be mistaken. Anyway, this book is called Conscious Uncoupling. There's a link below. When two people can uncouple as grownups, then I think it's quite possible to remain friendly with each other, provided that you don't have too many intimate conversations about current partners in relationship. I'm a big proponent of that. So anyway, those are my two cents. Hey, how about some love for the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund? I'd really appreciate it. Powerachi, did she talk about your relationship in her book? No, she's a therapist. And so she spoke from experience on over 25 years of doing therapy for couples who are... Well, actually, she didn't write about this in the book, but she and I went to... We were both on Katie Couric. Okay, so she and I flew out to New York and were filmed on Katie Couric because she wrote an article called Social Media Prina. And when we were in relationship together, we had a social media prenup and we went on television talking about our dos and don'ts of posting online. So yes, I would say to that extent, and then she talked about her book. So I think that's a cute little story. This was back when we were in relationship, of course. I will invite Dr. Sherry to come on. I'll interview her and we can talk about emotional sex, emotional cheating, that sort of thing, Julie. So I hope that helps. Ty says, I'm with Jonathan. I like to date one person at a time, dating multiple people is exhausting. I agree. Rose is in the house. What do you do when the only guys you know are the men that you work with and everyone keeps telling you not to date men you work with? You know, it used to be the work environment was, okay, so up until about the turn of the century. So up until, you know, not, oh, I'm sorry, but 1900, okay, up until about 1900 and 30 or 40. Most of the time people met within their circle, their family circle, their social circle, their school. In other words, most everybody mated within the tribe they lived in. I said that earlier when I read my Instagram post, okay? Then around 1930, 1940, things started to change and the number one place to meet your potential life partner for those that didn't meet in high school or college, for those that didn't meet in high school or college, the number one place was the work environment. And that lasted 1930s, 1940s, 1950s, and then around the 1970s, the nightclub scene started to really develop. The woman's, you know, empowerment movement began in the 60s and things started to radically change right about the time birth control. And this is where dating was really birthed. Birth control, birth dating, because now you didn't have to marry someone to get laid. So birth control, birth dating, I gotta write that down. Birth, someone write that down from birth control, birth dating, because it no longer meant you had to have sex or get married to have sex. So things started to change, nightclubs became the social place, certainly in the 80s, 90s it was nightclubs and then boom in the 2000s it was online. So I don't know what to tell you. I mean, by the way, Rose, for you to get asked out on a date, you have to be physically seen by somebody and somebody needs to know that you're single and eligible. So unless you put yourself in environments where you're around single eligible people, you know, I mean, I can't tell you what to do. I mean, you can go to singles events. I'm hosting a singles mixer. I mean, if you're in Los Angeles, you can come to it. You can go to restaurants. You can go out with your girlfriends. There are a lot of other ways you can go to social events that have men and women, but singles events or online dating happens to be the number one place to meet people these days. So that would be my invitation for you. All right, Lisa says, what was Katie Couric like? You know what, she was really sweet to us. She was very sweet. We took a photo, I have it somewhere on Facebook. Keep in mind, this was 2013. So this was quite a few years ago. And yeah, she was very sweet. It was a really nice interview. Sherry did great. Power of Chee is asking about the social media prenup. Give us some examples. Do you think people nowadays will go for it? You know, one example was if we were ever gonna post a picture of one another, we agreed the other person had to approve it. So if she was having a bad hair day, she wanted me to approve it. So that was part of our notebook. No sexual references on the social media, like in posts, what else had? Trying to think of, it's God, it's been so long. I don't even, I think I operate that way. No really personal intimate information. But most of the time, whenever I posted about us, it was just the agreement that we get to review it before you hit the post button. That was the primary thing. Hey, Lisa's reminding everybody, don't forget to hit that like button and subscribe to my channel. Thank you so much. By the way, we'd appreciate some love to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Hit that little dollar sign and donate today. I'd really appreciate it. Betty is in the house. Has what you are looking for in a mate and relationship changed as you've gone through the dating process or fine-tuned it? Yeah, I've learned, if you're asking about me, but I think this is true for most everybody. There's an expression. We learn what we want by what we don't want. So I think I've come to realize that it's interesting. Catherine Woodward Thomas who wrote the book, oh, she wrote the book, Calling in the One. She's a dear friend of mine. She's actually on the back cover of my book. She and I, so this is a New York Times bestseller, okay? I mean, we're talking about, this is a really widely sold book. Catherine's a dear friend of mine. She was having a conversation with me months after my relationship with Maria ended. And she said, Jonathan, you need to be with somebody who is really involved with your mission. Folks, I have a mission to increase awareness and consciousness, most importantly, in the area of bump, bump, bump, bump, bump self-love, okay? I really a passion for encouraging human beings to develop a personal development, self-help and spiritual practice. So for me, it's important to be with someone who's really on board with me. That's something I learned that I don't think it was as prevalent even though Marie shot videos with me. She was always gracious to wanna support me, but there's a difference when someone's just being gracious out of the goodness of their heart or they really have the same passion. That shared vision is really critically important. That shared vision of wanting to be of service the way I am, but most importantly, that inner journey I'm so passionate about. So yes, I have fine tuned that after the ending of my most significant relationship. Thank you for that. Hey, one of our Facebook group members from my midlife love mastery group, there's a link below to join, says thank you again for helping us women. You save women a lot of hurt with your info and make us see things a lot of times that we're not, we aren't seeing. You do this for little money too, so shows your heart is truly into helping us. And I believe fully you always know what you're talking about. Believe every word you say. Oh, thank you so much. I sometimes doubt myself, believe me. I sometimes have fear. So I can share, I can say that with certainty. Folks, whoever, I'd love it if someone would join the hot seats. I just posted a link. Ellie is in the house. Question. Thank you for all you do. When should a man you're seeing introduce you to his kids? What timeline is appropriate? You know, this is a tough one. I think the minute two people are physically intimate with each other and they've now explored the sex part of the relationship, I think everything is open game. That's how I believe it. A lot of people don't see it that way. They treat sex like they do treat kissing, okay? Just like, okay, so it's like the bachelor I was talking about kissing everybody on the show. I mean, God, I mean, he kisses people on the first episode, okay? But I think people treat sex like kissing, like it has no meaning. You could, you know, you can kiss them and then send them off. Don't give them or the rose the next day, okay? And sex is almost the same way. I think when two people choose to be physically intimate, then I think it's important to talk about getting to know each other at a deeper level and sometime fairly soon, but then this is difficult with children. So I guess, you know, if a man has a reservation about introducing you to his children, that means he doesn't see you as a potential partner. I need to protect the kids, believe me. Kids go through, okay, everybody. How many grade school teachers did you have? Kindergarten teachers, how many middle school teachers did you have? You went from teacher to teacher to teacher. You had a relationship with every single one of them for an entire year and they were gone from your life. Well, I don't want to introduce someone to my children because that might affect me. By the way, children are used to going from teacher to teacher to teacher to teacher to teacher to teacher to teacher to teacher to teacher to teacher, okay? So when someone makes that argument, I say that's bullshit. You have babysitters that come and go. You have people that come and go from your life all the time. So when someone used that excuse in my opinion, and I'm not suggesting that's what was said, I think because he's not that into you. By the way, I introduced Colin fairly quickly to people I'm in relationship with, at least. Because if they mean enough for me to have sex with them, they mean enough for me to introduce them to my children. That's just my take. Michelle says, I've always found it hard to have these conversations. I now wish I had done sooner because I now feel like I've wasted time in these relationships. I get it, this is where my coaching comes in, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Rose says, I'm very shy about going to bars and talking to guys I am not technically savvy with online dating. Hey folks, not everybody gets to be the president of the United States. Not everybody gets to be the head of some corporation. The people that are successful in life is because they went past their fears, their comfort zone. They went past their comfort zone to go after what they want. If you're not good at it, then learn it. If you're not savvy, then figure it out. Get a kid to help you. But I'm here to say, Rose, if you want something, you have to go after it. It's not gonna land, it's such a fucking fantasy. This whole Cinderella narrative is all you have to do is lose your slipper and Prince Charming is gonna chase you. That doesn't fucking happen. If you want something to happen in your life, you have to go make it happen. That's, I'm sorry if I'm harsh, but folks, you have to recognize this, okay? Power of Cheese says, question, what do you think of Esther Perrell? Esther Perrell, she wrote the book called Mating Inceptivity. I find her to be fascinating. I agree with her 98% of the time. I don't wanna agree with everybody on everything they say, just like you shouldn't agree with everything that I say. Okay, where's that sunlight coming from? Um, excuse my slurping. I think Esther Perrell is great. By the way, someone put this in the chat box. She did a, there's a YouTube video of her. It's type in Esther Perrell. So it's E-S-T-H-E-R-P-E-R-E. Yeah, Esther Perrell, type in Esther Perrell in YouTube and type in artificial intimacy. It is a one hour conversation that it is so worthwhile, Esther Perrell, artificial intimacy. Highly recommend listening to it. The Body Electric says, Jonathan, you are needed, Jonathan. So many people lack emotional maturity or have the tools communicate effectively. Thank you. By the way, I'm not this expert at it. I am still, okay, folks, if you're not familiar with the book, two books. Get all the books I recommend listed below. Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. And I hear you the extraordinary simple skills behind, excuse me, the surprisingly simple skill behind Extraordinary Relationships by Michael Sorenson. These two books, folks, I am just scratching the ant's belly at being good at this shit. Just because I have a capacity to articulate my own thoughts and feelings, I can still be rather inept. I can be inept in relationship because my own shit comes up. This is called the fact of life. But those, I would definitely recommend reading these books and encourage the person you're dating to do the same. One of our Facebook group members says, don't fear, you're doing great, Jonathan. Believe it, never in doubt it. I know that at least majority of women, if not all of us, agree with me. Come on, ladies, Jonathan. Thank you so much, folks. I struggle sometimes because there's a lot of rhetoric out there that makes it difficult to really parse out what feels true for you. And so I just share my opinion. I'm not here to make statements of fact. I mean, I know it sometimes comes across that way, folks. I know sometimes I can be radically righteous. I can be a little bit righteous. I get it, but my intent is just to be a wake-up call for hopefully doing something a different or better way, okay? Barbara's in the house. What do men make, wait, what do men makes a date after some convo? Then ask if you're into sex. And when you say you need to get to know them first, they block you. Are they all assholes? Folks, after my divorce, I was a horny son of a bitch. I mean, I was only in it. Listen, I can't believe how easily women would sleep with somebody on a first, second, or third date. I thought, oh my God, that was so different than the 90s before I got married, or when I got married in the 90s. So having sexual innuendos is how we test women to see where they're at and some women will bite. I remember once a woman offered to split the bill. I mean, she was very gracious. Can I contribute to the bill? I jokingly said, no, I'll take it out in trade. And we, and she knew what that meant. And she was like, I'm good with that. I'm gonna tell you something. We men will push your boundaries. I'm no saint here. I'm not saying I operate that way today, but I certainly operated in a very unconscious way. It's one of the reasons why I can then, I understand, my website's called Understand Men Now. I know how men operate. Does that make them assholes? No, it just makes us horny. You know, most men are good guys. Most men are good people. We might be broken, we might be wounded. By the way, you women are no fucking picnic either. I am so sorry. But there is just as many dysfunctional women, entitled women, bitches out there as there are men, okay? It's just, to me, it's equal. Human beings are just all dysfunctional. I gotta laugh at it. That's the absurdity of life. Our capacity to be emotionally mature as human beings is rather weak. It's the next evolution. We've gone through evolutions of humanity and our next evolution is being able to navigate our emotions in a way that doesn't, you know, cause us emotional discourse. Anyway, I'm just going off on a tangent. Thank you so much. Let's keep going. Stormy Blue says, hey, Jonathan, I brought my friend Addison by to check out the live and all the love around. She is looking for some dating advice and possibly coach and I thought of you cause I know you could help her. Stormy, right here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me in the links below. Ever reach out to me. Okay, I mentioned earlier, artificial intimacy by Esther Perrell. Please check out that video. It is worth your while. There's Lisa has also written it as well. Ty says, I made a Bumble account three days ago and haven't spoken to anyone. My account is blocked. Wow. Wow, your account is blocked. That's kind of weird. I don't know what happened. I mean, there's just weird stuff that's happening. I don't know what to say to you. All right, Charlotte, question. I met a guy online through a dating app. We've been chatting on the phone and text. He wants to meet for a date. How do I assure him that I want to but I'm recovering from pneumonia. Excuse my slurping. You can simply say, look, I'm recovering from pneumonia. I don't know how much longer I'll be contagious. By the way, why haven't you told him about this? But if you've been communicating that should have been something you could, should have communicated, I'd say should have. But I would have encouraged him, just communicated to him and see what he says, you know? He could have a date with another woman and you might never, ever get to see him. But that's the role of the dice we play when we're out there, especially when we're sick, communicating with someone. Anyway, that's my tooth of the sense. One of my midlife love mastery members writes, why does a man, after having sex with you, not answer your texts that night, but the next morning he messages you and answers your question saying, I'm very interested in you still. Maybe he went to bed. By the way, when a man ejaculates, okay? When a man ejaculates, we lose a tremendous amount of testosterone. Why do you think men want to go to bed after sex? Why do you think men want to eat after sex? You know, it's just we disengage and we need our testosterone to get back in, you know, to get back in the running, so to speak. So it's not a very uncommon thing. That's the why, I guess the question is what are you gonna do about it? That's my question for you. Hey, by the way, how about a donation to the Conor Asley Scholarship Fund? There's a little dollar sign there in the chat box. We'd love to get some love if you'd purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. I'd really appreciate it. Mara says, Jonathan, I think we all see your vulnerability but also your strength. Aw, thank you, I appreciate that. Thank you very much. That's very sweet of you. All right, let's keep going. Terry says, I believe that kids should not be introduced into a relationship until both parties are invested and wanting to work towards a full commitment. Children can get emotionally attached to people. Yeah, but as I said before, we go through cycle through people as children all the time. Meeting someone is not, I mean, you're not gonna, okay, someone meeting their children once and maybe not seeing them for three weeks or a month isn't a big deal. They don't get attached that quickly. I just don't believe that. But I also agree if two people are exploring a physically intimate relationship, they should be exploring a deeper committed relationship with one another. If they're still figuring it out, then why are they having sex? Just my two cents on that. All right. Hey, Beach Lover just gave us some love. Thank you for the $5 Super Sticker. That means we're $45 away from our goal. All right, ST is in the house. New boyfriend of three months is 57. I'm 59. He has never given oral sex to a woman. That's not a question. That's a statement. Wow. I love oral sex. I love giving and boy, do I love receiving. But it's, by the way, but I have to love giving to be able to love receiving. Well, that's a bummer SJ. No, no time like the present to learn. I wish you luck on that one. I think oral sex, I love oral sex. It's so much fun. By the way, I know it can get rather tiresome too. Believe me, ladies, I get it that, you know, for some men it takes them a long time to get off. And by the way, you women are no picnic either. Sometimes it takes a long time for you to get off. But I think that's the fun of trying. By the way, people that learn how to do it usually do a better job at it. Julie says, question, Jonathan, that's interesting. How long does it take before he gets his testosterone back up? You know, I know John Gray talks about this significantly. I believe that our body regenerates during sleep. So we start with X amount of testosterone during the day and it depletes until bedtime and then it regenerates. So I guess it depends on when he ejaculated. If he ejaculated at 10 at night, he's gonna have a woody that next morning. If he ejaculated 10 at the morning, you're gonna have to wait till eight the next morning. SJ says, what the fuck, he's Jamaican. He's never gone gonna happen or should I just get out now? You know, I guess if that's a deal breaker for you, it's your deal breaker, you know? You know, everybody has their own deal breakers. If that's yours, I mean, you gotta decide that for yourself. You know, is there more to a relationship than oral sex? Probably, but I would definitely recommend, you know, thinking about what your deal breaker is. Okay, bup, bup, bup. By the way, everyone's saying hit that like button if this is resonating with you. Thank you so much for sharing that. Hey, we've got a new member in our YouTube universe, Blondie. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. Power Chee says, is your 57-year-old boyfriend willing to learn some new tricks? Yeah, well it may be. SJ says, it's a cultural thing, okay, I get it. And that's kind of like probably some, well, even Cecilia says oral sex is actually allowed in the Muslim religion. Interesting, I did not know that. That is very fascinating. All right, folks, I'm gonna wrap up today, but I wanna end on this thought. It's a new meme that I've come up with and it says, when each person in a romantic relationship feels like they got the better end of the deal, that couple will most likely experience an awesome relationship just saying, Jonathan, this is a new meme I'm coming up with, okay? Why don't you think about this for a moment? When each person in a relationship can say, I got the better end of the deal, she's saying it, he's saying it. See, when you can actually be in a state of gratitude for the person you're in relationship with, when you can be so grateful that this person is in your life, those are the people you take seriously, that's the one you choose. When you feel like you got the better end of the deal, sadly, most people are just killing time with each other because they're not intentional in the process. I sadly witness human beings who are rather ambivalent in their approach to dating, mating, or relating. That's why I'm a coach. That's why I'm here to encourage a more conscious way to approach this process because I want each one of you to experience that juicy, delicious relationship. God, universe, spirit, I invite in for everybody who's watching me right now to experience that juicy, delicious relationship where they have great communication with one another and the chemistry is off the charts and they can banter for hours and hours of time and they genuinely listen to one another when there's differences and when there's conflicts they can resolve it with ease and move through it and they share the same values and they share the same vision and their lifestyles are blendable with one another and they can build the deep roots of trust through social activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to something substantial like moving in together or getting married, God, universe, and spirit. I invite that for everyone, including myself and I hold that space that we can all experience that juicy, delicious, healthy relationship where you feel like you got the better end of the deal. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know and give me an amen. Ah, everyone, thank you so much for the love. Thank you for the kindness. Thank you for supporting me. Please tell your friends about this. First off, if you've gotten this far and you've watched the replay, hey, I wanna give Sandy some props for the $10 super sticker. Thank you so much. For those that got this far watching the replay, hey, you can hit that super thanks button. But listen, I'd like to hear what you have to say. Post a comment below. I'd like to hear all your thoughts. I do my best to read them all in the first 24 hours. As always, if you find value in this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell. And if you wanna connect with me, wanna see if coaching is right for you, check out the links below to schedule a discovery call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to get the books I recommend to follow me on Instagram to, what else? Anyway, they're all the links below. All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barrog of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love. Because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Roller Girl and Mara and Beach Lover and Barbara and Anointed Roe and June and Power of Chee and Sandy for that $10 Super Sticker. Stacey, Donna, Cecilia, Beach Lover, Rachel, June, Marianne, Allison, Sherry, Power of Chee. SJ, thanks for those questions. Blondie, MD, Elena, everybody, big hugs, thanks so much. Wishing you super duper, wonderful, fantastic.