 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of Jonathan as a comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic do men over 40 confuse you Or is it this? What to know Really quickly these videos are shot on my balcony for you This is very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery check out the link below This is a group where I answer personal questions In a very inexpensive membership group so check out the link below called midlife love mastery Okay, our topic do men over 40 confuse you What to know? All right, you know it's interesting Recently a woman was interviewing me for coaching She was looking to hire a dating coach and she realized that she had talked to Women coaches and just didn't feel like that was a right fit for her and she was actually reaching out to many Male coaches to get some perspective which I totally appreciate And then she said to me well the male coaches she's been speaking to you know, they're married They have children, you know, they've been down the road They you know seem to have a happy loving relationship with someone in their life so why should I choose you and She interviewed some great relationship coaches even the British guy who I think is fantastic But why should she talk to me and I said well I think those guys are great and I have great respect for them. Many of them are Friends of mine or at least social acquaintances of mine And I said well what makes you mean unique is a little what makes me unique is the following first off I got married my 20 so I have been in a fully committed relationship And I have children from this experience so a I've done marriage Be I went through divorce. I went through divorce. I went through family court. I went through alimony child support visitation rights and The emotional effects of that I was then in another Significant relationship that while it didn't go the distance. I did experience a significant relationship in my 40s What I also experienced was deep depression what I also experienced was going to bed wishing I didn't wake up what I experienced was doing drugs and alcohol to numb the pain in my life I was literally self-medicating and I was numbing the pain What else I experienced a rectile dysfunction elderly parents in Elderly parents in assisted living and then losing my mom and dad or not my dad, but my mom What else did I experience? I've experienced I've experienced the loss of a child And and I experienced the loss of a job. I lost my quarter million dollar a year job And I share this with you because Because oh by the way, my coffee mug says Hoffman and my t-shirt says Batman if you like my t-shirt, please post a comment below By the way, if you've ever experienced a man who's confused you post a comment below and write a shirt share with me your experience I'm not a man over 40 who's confused you and I should but I go back to saying I share all this with you because I've emotionally experienced Things that didn't occur to me when you know when I got married in my 20s and had babies in my 30s kind of thing I was living a half. Well, I thought I was living a happy life, but I really wasn't I Think a lot of people pretend that they have a happy life And I say that because why is the divorce rate 50% here in the United States anyway? But I've experienced the emotional traumas That's so many men over 40 experience and that's because when our When the when the blueprint of where we think our life is collides with our reality That's called midlife crisis and I've been through it and and look at I lost a significant job I lost my money in the market and by the way, this is not uncommon The vast majority of men are dealing with a lot of emotional issues and so I know what that feels like And again, no disrespect to my contemporaries and I I don't share this to impress anything on you I'm just impressing that I Understand the emotional effects and it reminds me of the movie that William Hurt is a there's a movie with William Hurt Where he's a doctor and he's kind of an arrogant doctor Can't I think he's a surgeon or whatnot and he experienced cancer. He experienced cancer and If by the way, if you know the movie, please post a comment, let me know what the movie is I just don't remember what it is and after experiencing cancer. He was humbled He was humbled in his life and I share this because I've been fully humbled But what do you really it's okay. So why am I telling all of this? Okay, and what's the bottom line? I'm gonna get to that in a second So I began doing healing and interesting enough I found a copy of one of the first books I read after my divorce that was put me on that trajectory Certainly the movie the secret was a big deal for me that helped me on my trajectory But this book called shut up stop whining and get a life shut up stop whining and get a life And by the way, I have a link below in books recommended by Jonathan So you can check those out in the links books recommended by Jonathan all my list of books But this was like really a big BAM wake-up call and if you notice my personality is very much shut up stop whining and get a life and and and you know, so This was a wake-up call and it began my trajectory of personal development self-help and spiritual work In fact, if you've ordered my book what the heck is self-love anyway, what the heck is self-love anyway in the back I put it by the way, there's the back cover I put together a list of all the material I went through to get to where I am today I've done I shared with you this cup the Hoffman process a deep dive into personal development and And self-help and spiritual work and and again books like One of my favorites and I know I'm rattling off a lot of books again the links below, but the Untethered soul by Michael Singer a big This was this is like my Bible for healing inside And so I share this with you because if you're confused about men if you're confused about men It's because most likely they've experienced Major trauma or micro traumas in their life and I want to say I've experienced a lot of micro traumas in my life and The question you want to ask these men. This is the really key piece that you want to take away from this right now Is a recognition that mo and by the way ask yourself if you're listening to this Ask yourself what kind of traumas have you been through? Because there's a difference, you know for me. I'm sharing this with you because I've experienced it This isn't something I intellectualized This is something I fucking experienced and I'm still experiencing the ramifications of the micro traumas And if you've experienced it then we have to ask ourselves Then somebody else has to so the reason why they're so confusing is because of this one reason And that is have they healed from these micro traumas? Have they healed from these these micro or major traumas in their life? And if they're seeking relationship, and they haven't healed then it could be problematic And it's why male behavior can be so confusing it can be why they ghost and pull away and disappear Commitment phobic and emotionally unavailable and it's not because they don't genuinely want relationship and connection with another human being But they're their skill set their ability to be Emotionally available is really the challenge. This is why I've done a ton of work to get to where I'm at today. I Share this from being I've been there. I've been look at I was doing drugs and alcohol I've been down the real deep rabbit hole of depression And as I shared with you, I lost a child You know people have experienced so much pain and loss in their life and I am grateful I did the work in advance before Connor went away or moved up and moved moved to heaven And a lot of people haven't done that work and that's why they're confusing not because they're trying to be mean to you Most men are good guys. They genuinely want connection. They're not doing this They're not their behavior bad behavior isn't because they're narcissist It's because as I shared in another video, they're myopic to their pain and many of you are experienced this thing as well And if you can relate to this, please post a comment below if this Resonates with you if you can say I have had pain in my life and I can have compassion for another human being that pain And I'm not absolving them of their bad behavior. There's no absolving them But I just want you to have understanding Because this is the reason why most men are Confusing. If you like this video and you want to ask me personalized questions You should check out my group midlife love mastery so you can get I shoot three videos a week just like this for my group on my balcony and Then again, it's inexpensive to learn or if you hate you're like that one person who eventually hired me She hired me because of the my life experience check out the free discovery call to see if working with a company Coach is right for you and you'll be talking to me first. Okay, or I'm the only coach here All right I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear a hug of self-love because we all need self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a big bear hug of love. Is that if that's okay? I'm gonna ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives I want to thank you so much and wishing you a fabulous day and please forgive the noise out there. Bye. Bye now