 Toa Fafo yu wa Fafo right yu channel, the Fafo right yu channel Olava Kenya and this is why in the morning we are happy to have you back and I am back, Michelle hosted some strong lady here an entrepreneur, who has started a beauty college, a beauty manufacturing firm and that was fabulous, I love strong women and now we are here to discuss matters heartbreak on a positive way because you want them to scale down to help mitigate this or to help solve this heartbreak thing are two beautiful queens. How are you? You're very fine. It's not your first time here, it's your first time here, but because maybe somebody is watching for the first time, you will elaborately introduce yourself. Like we start with you, we start with you. You're going to elaborately introduce yourself, you tell us your name, what you do, the social media platforms and everything you love about life so that we go on from there. All right. Over to you. My name is Modoni Yirongo. I am an artist, I'm a Kenyan artist. I am also a content creator. Yes, so kono nizon patapale Instagram at who is Modoni. Yes. Who should answer that? Allah. I'm also finding out myself. Yeah. Okay. Who is Modoni? Welcome back Modoni Yirongo. Thank you. Yeah. So, my name is Margaret Takini at Yeno. I'm a student at Kenyatta University. I pursued gender and development studies. I'm also a volunteer with the Organization of African Youth and I advocate with the Youth Advisory Council so we do a lot of community work and that is where my passion is. So, that is me in a nutshell and some of the things that I love, I love as a girl, I love looking nicely. I love things that make me happy. Yes. Which level are you? Which year are you? I've actually finished my coursework. I'm waiting for graduation next week. Did you say what you study? Yes, I say that I've done bachelor of arts in gender and development studies and sociology. He'll tell us about that gender and whatever thing. Yes, so I'm a feminist. Are you a feminist? Yes, I support feminism. Oh. But people normally take feminism as a competition between men and women. What is it? And in real sense, it's not about competition, it's about fighting for equality in terms of access to economic opportunities, political opportunities and social opportunities. That's what feminism is about. It's not about trying to overpower men. No, that's the education part of OI 254. You have educated us on what I've always known feminism to be a fight. So, it's not. No, it's not a fight. Yes. Okay. Now, on this topic of the day, the heartbreak, what do you understand? We start with you about heartbreak and your whole experience with it if at all you have any experience with heartbreak as a person and on your field of study, your field of career. Okay. So, basically, heartbreak is about an overwhelming distress that come maybe after a breakup in a relationship and it could also be economical. Economical, eh? Yes, it can also be economical. Like when you are sucked or something. Yes, like when you are sucked or maybe you invested in a business and then the business did not go through as you expected. So, that one can also lead to heartbreak. So, in a relationship, I've experienced heartbreak but I know how to about it. For me, when I experience heartbreak I listen to loud music and I dance so that I get out of it. That I have. Yes, that is how I cope. I can imagine you dancing. What type of music do you listen to when you are broken, when you are broken? Well, my favorite music is by one musician, Mavin Guy. Let's get it on. So, when I listen to that music I feel rejuvenated and I sort of try to forget all the things that have passed through. Akinyu, you'll get back deep into that later. Let us know. Let us know Mudoni. Mudoni, tell us your experience with heartbreak and what you know about heartbreak if it's there. Heartbreak. Heartbreak, I mean it. Come on. Chungu. Amba huwele weki. That pain that you don't sleep. You don't eat. You don't want to wake up. You don't want to go to work. You know what I mean? You are so encrusted in that feeling and it's so painful. When I have gone through heartbreak not very recently but I remember an instance or two when it was pathetic actually. So you have experience. Akinyu told us that she dances when not broken. What do you do? How did you cope with it? Help me cry. I cry and I cry and I take my time with the pain. Do you cry loudly? Better. In your bedroom? Yeah, in my bedroom. My pillow is my friend. Oh, so you soak your pillow. I soak my pillow. You have no idea. How many times have you encountered this? Yeah. One was with a friend. Just a friend. We had a fallout and I didn't expect that we'd never fallout because this is my friend. A female friend? Yes, a female friend. And then the second one was with a male friend. It's not really a male friend but you know. Your boyfriend. My boyfriend, your ex. Oh, your ex boyfriend for now. Yeah, now he's the next. Okay. Oh, it sounds like you react differently to heartbreaks. No, but it's true. People react differently to heartbreaks. You just find your way of letting it out and move on. You can't summarize it and get away and move on because it takes a while. It takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of time for you to... But eventually to the advice that you move on in the surface of life. Yes, you went through it but you can't move on. But I think that it's not very very simple to say just move on because this is a person you remember you had... you have memories with. They were a part of you and when you lose them you don't just lose them. The friends you used to have when you were there with them the dinas that you used to have the dates that you used to have mimi beli kwa na pili piafia mimi beli kwa na pili piafia rent manzi mimi einda sasaan. We know how some things hit people up. We know what people go through when they are sick. We know what people go through when they are angry and all that. Can you tell me how you go through when you are heartbroken? How do you really feel? Because you told me you cry Akiniya told me she dances. How do you really feel when heartbroken? So that the pain is visible to everybody. Let's start with you then we go to Akiniya. It's very personal to me I can remember it like it was yesterday. So when I found out that this person was cheating on me the first feeling was anger. It was so much anger at him or at everybody at myself because of the humiliation it was humiliation also and anger at him because how can you do this to me? So the first feeling I had myself was a lot of anger. A lot of anger also translated into hate and it also translated into a lot of misery and that is on you not the person who was heartbroken. Just myself. So it was a really you were angry at yourself is it because maybe it was your mistake that this breakup happened but why were you angry at yourself when it was not your fault? I was angry at myself because I could not believe that I was an idiot Did he call you an idiot when you were breaking her pen? No, no, but we are in a relationship and we are this guy we are together we are an item. Everybody knows Lakiniu Ukuji niya mari So the feeling is humiliation because I thought we were enough we were a thing, dear ex So there was a physical pain first a physical pain you were you were feeling like your heart is literally breaking or something like that I didn't want it to make her When I found out I was just like like fever like malaria like okay we are on that we are through with you Mudoni, Iruungu so we are going to we are going to tell us what you are physically feeling how you were really feeling at that time you were heart broken so that we somebody was not been heart broken out there may feel what it really feels to be heart broken So when you are heart broken for example me when I was heart broken I tried to repress the emotions I didn't want to think about it I just said this and I am going to let it go maybe it was not meant for me so at times yes there is that pain deep within you feel like now what have I done wrong you turned to self blame yourself and try to find faults in your shortcomings am I not beautiful enough don't I have big bamba or things like that you try to just look at yourself and when I am not adequately presented to make this to warrant for this heart break so for me the pain taught me a lesson and I decided that this one am not going to let it come in me deep down am going to find a way of moving out of it and ensure that I come out of it strongly that's nice you had two different personalities like you try to suppress it you don't blame yourself too much you've not mentioned crying you've not mentioned ever crying no it's just a feeling of loneliness you tend to withdraw from people for a while just to figure out what is really going on so after that it's a slow process but eventually you come out of it the problem is that from you I don't know how extent we should publicize our relationship there are people who live secret relationships but there are people who live full-fledged public relationship you go out with this man you are together always mnashikanam kono mnaleshana in public your friends know that irungu and Andrew that's guesswork mnashikanam kono mnashikanam mnashikanam kono mnashikanam and George Aruwan when is the wedding now what do you think how do you think we should handle this relationship because when it is secret nobody knows I think your main pain is that somebody people will know that you are no longer one and maybe it was that guy very cool maybe very wealthy your friends maybe were envying you together and so you were feeling that sasa watu watu mayachana and all that would you advise that people live secret love relationship before they are married we start with you think the frame is on you okay for me I think it depends with your personality first of all if you are secretive person you didn't want to share your relationship and then if you are a public person of course you don't social media if you are a social media person you don't want everyone to see how your relationship is going but now the problem comes in when you two are separated or something like that and then that is where a lot of emotional disturbances come in and you tend to find ways of trying to maybe just cover it up so that the public cannot know yet the social media has a way of finding out how these people broke up for example if you were following each other and commenting on each other's posts honey sweet heart and many people all of a sudden people will realize that you people you are not following each other and then it will start raising a name so in that process you realize that people knew about that relationship and then people will start throwing out maybe some comments and such comments they are what triggers some emotional disturbances and therefore can make you if you are not strong enough you can even commit suicide because of this relationship because I know something like that there are people who are in a relationship but people don't know like it's a secret people don't know at all so when they break up people won't know because people didn't know in the first instance that they were in a relationship would you advise such a kind of relationship so that there won't be pain when people break up well there will be pain yes if you break up there will be pain because the relationship will be between you two and then if you've not exposed it to social media it will be such a manner that you are the one dealing with the problem and maybe if you're not strong enough you can find somebody maybe your close friend or your close parent to talk to to let it out so that you can discuss those issues and find a way of solving it but now if you make it a community thing that is where the problem comes in you know the pressure that comes with social media whereby people are just yes when you are together when you are happy people are supporting you and of course there are those are the 10% that tachada to to go on and help you but this 90% that support you but now this 90% also there are some other crooks in within that maybe they were just happy when you two were happy and then once you two have broken up it becomes at all see we said it let's come back to Mudani tell us your thought about the public show of affection which will end up in a public show of breaking up like when you have broken everybody knows what you feel about this don't post your relationship on social media you don't want to be posted I don't want to be posted thanks and do you post people no the reason is in the words of DJ Shiti Comedian watasema nini you know what I mean utambia watu nini but hey my former relationship as we were breaking up this guy was like sasatutambia watu nini or that guy alimulis eboni kamaambia it's like you are the person who instigated this separation you are the one who broke up somebody's heart no I decided on breaking up with this person because he did something ati si kuakas kama mechukanaia tokapa there was a reason there was a reason but even if there is a reason you are the person who caused it because you are the person who started the process maybe because from your reasoning I can deduct that maybe he cheated or something so you decided this is getting over you could have just solved this instead of starting the heartbreak thing in fact you are the person who broke the will one hour but I want to say alinyu miza na kukapapu alinyu miza niliyona it's not worth it alafu muntana kuchesia bele watu jamaani hi was it unpadon ebu titers unpadon ebu padon ebu apana it's not coming back from it so this thing for posting your relationship on instagram and people now are aware that you guys are dating and now when you break up now it's like truly joint you know I was reading on some remedies to break up and somebody said that it is good to talk about it like go tell people to miachana na nani it's evil do you encourage a thing like that before like when they are my friends to miachana don't you think you are defaming him in the process because you will be saying things negative about him you will be asked reasons why koninyu me muachana don't you think you will be defaming him in the process it's important to talk about that relationship it is important to write down what this person did to you what exactly is wrong with this relationship so that you can always remind yourself oh when you bring when you bring tries to tell you okay miss this guy you go back to your notes mister ex mister ex is not worth it because of x, y and z when you try and tell you I miss him you could be in another relationship now do you still remember what happened does it still come to your mind is it still lingering somewhere I think that triggers or triggers say for instance if my current relationship if my man does something that reminds me of my ex that's a trigger and I'll go back and I'll be like I miss this man I don't miss him but there are triggers that can make you miss him I remember him all the memories we are coming to you Akini we are coming to you Akini Akini how long did it take you to heal for me it took a while a while like one year so it took one year to heal you but right now I'm in a stable relationship during this one during this whole one year did you ever get to meet him once or twice just meeting him actually I've never met him since that break up sometimes you say hi how are you he has not told you you've not told him you miss him I think both of us really moved on like you broke up and moved on the same day and not missing those are all the memories that at times you think about but you say now in something new that I'm building I'm focusing on to ensure that it is better than the previous one because we all want good things we all want a bright future when we get into a new relationship no I was asking you because my research I love research all these are researches about break ups but they said that most likely people get rebound like you find yourself doing it even if you didn't like but if you find yourself and your ex the person really broke your heart you find yourself together you may find yourself again in awkward situation is it true it's true oh and the person opened your heart that made you cry for weeks you find yourself again two of you and then you find yourself loving each other again at times maybe probably what made you to separate wasn't that strong and when you two sit together and try to solve it you come to a conclusion that let's try this again then you sort of try it you can try once try to try and then if you see it's not really working as your expectation we just let it go before we leave you Kini tell us the weirdest things the most ugly things you've seen people do because of break up and you'll also tell us after that then we'll get on the world scene on the global scene the weird things that people have do after a heartbreak tell us your experience or what you've seen or what you've found people do because of a heartbreak so for me what I've seen people do there was this person that I was friends with so the friend took water and poured into the computer the laptop the laptop of this man the laptop had evidence of pictures so the lady took water and poured it and then just the evidence but you see google oh brought back everything google drive brought back everything and now it's alive that is the weirdest you've seen that is the weirdest I've seen just taking water and pouring onto the laptop so that the information can disappear but another one that I've seen is that recently I saw a lady discovered that his man bought a Mercedes Benz for a side chick and then she went and burnt the Mercedes look at that I know you feel it but can just take fire and set a whole Mercedes Benz on fire ok tell us your experience if you have had or you've seen how your friends or people you know or your friends somewhere how people have reacted to heartbreaks I think Kaisu and you're in love with this person love is a drug oh love is a drug and when you're not consistently getting a high from this getting a hit from this relationship you tend to become illogical you lose all manner of sense in your life so whatever you do at a particular time when you've been had broken a matter of you've lost all sense of reality all sense of what logic means so for me I would constantly stalk my ex I would constantly stalk the new girlfriend of my ex why why? I don't know it's like an itch you just want to go are they happy? it's like you don't want them to be happy I don't want them to be happy but that's like you are a witch when you don't want people to be happy the person who wishes bad for other people is like a witch everybody wishes the worst of their ex correct me me I don't want my ex to be successful I don't want him to be successful you always feel bad for your ex because remember this person yes this person broke my heart this person made me question my identity this person made me question am I worth it my worth as a human being this person paraded me made me feel as if humiliated me for lack of a better word so me when you see people reacting negatively a heartbreak remember this person is in pain the Bible teaches the Bible teaches forgiveness the Bible teaches forgiveness why don't you forgive and forget and you are in a new relationship you are not with that person forgiveness is not normal for you it's not normal for forgiveness and the process of forgiveness does not happen like this it doesn't happen in a day half a year 2 years no it takes a while to forgive but you will always remember you're the person who broke my heart now tell me if you've had any experience of weird reactions to break up anything weird that your friend did after break up anything weird I think I just I would quote a case we've seen on social media of what's her name what did they do say they were publicly hailing insults at each other that's bad enough so amma unendakwa unendakwa nyumbaake you drive around his neighborhood try to see him you climb on top of his gate to enter his house then what do you do in the house when you finally get in so it's like there's some love lingering still you don't want to let him go you hate him it's like the mix of hate and love you hate him and love him at the same time it feels bad mix your pain mix your anger mix your hopelessness so much happening that's why I can say that you confile yourself doing the things you used to do again no wait what kurebond like I've said love is a drag and when you don't get that heat you will go looking for it can you end up comparing your current with the last one maybe you hate him you hate him now maybe that thing he did but now you want to compare your current with him so I wish this was Derek or somebody I think as a human being it's very normal to do that to compare your ex with the current person however the problem is the problem with that is it's unfair to the person you should date yes it's very unfair even me if somebody is comparing me to his ex I'm different from that person so it's very unfair okay maybe Elise you can give us I'm going to take you through the things that people have done as a breakup today's people daily we are things that people have done there's a woman who swallowed 900,000 shillings literally swallowed because they were together they were saving together with this man and now she was the treasurer now this man says that now that we've broken up you should give me a half because we are now not together so this girl swallowed it's not in Kenyan shillings but it's an estimate that she swallowed 10 bills of dollars 10,000 bills of dollars she swallowed she nearly died they went and operated on her she was just selfish she didn't want this boy to get anything anything from her so I think that was weird enough and then there was some Indian some Indian man he was called Anta Bahman so this Bahman it's like they were hooking the person was she had a girl she had dated for 8 years and the parents thought that these guys do not deserve their girl so they hooked her up with another man so as they were hooking up with the other man this guy felt that he still really loved this girl so what he did he went and camped outside the gate of these other people doing a hunger strike so he did a hunger strike for about 3 days not eating anything not eating anything just camping there camping there not doing anything 3 days you will tell me what you can do if a man does that to you but finally good news this girl rejected that other man and up to now they are married yes they are very married now and then there is an opposite to that story that man you have on that screen if anybody there is anybody who can read Indian you can tell us what is in that board this man is protesting saying that if you want to give me back my name I will die here you will bury me here then there is a Zimbabwe woman who is just exactly opposite of that who dated a man for a man for 8 years and after 8 years of dating this man got another girl and married for wasting his time like what you girls do when you go to visit a man you wash, you cook so this girl did this for 8 years then this man went to marry another girl so this girl sued this man and she wanted to be paid next amount about 900,000 feelings just for the house cost now I was your maid she was like your maid during that time so please what you do is it was around 7.2 million so people there is also a jented man who sued a partner that seek to refund for money spent on flowers and coffees every time you are taken care of that one in the red margin so this girl was you are taken out every time you are taken out so this guy sued that you bring me back my money everything that I have spent on you what do you think about all these stories as we finish we start with you Akini for me I support the one for the lady because often most of the time when you are in a relationship you invest a lot of time and then we as women we do a lot of work a lot of domestic and paid work so you find that you are the one cooking you are the one taking care of the children you are the one ironing the husband's clothes almost doing everything in the house and then later on you find that this person going to marry another person is going to marry another person and then you are like omg I wasted my time maybe the lady sacrificed going to school and then she invested the time in that relationship and doing that you see maybe if she had gone to school maybe should have maybe build her career so in your summary she should be paid for me I strongly support that she should be paid on the flip side the money spent on you on kafis and flowers should you refund it if you you are the person for the reason for breakup or you should refund it thank you for being balanced for me it's about equality but then it tells us your reactions to this service so the guy who did the 3 day hunger strike I think that's a bit extreme I just call me just call me call me for a lunch we speak about it what if you refuse okay okay for a man day and night day and night I just out there waiting no that's just crazy I promise to die if you don't kaiyes if I can come in most of the time we say man should not do this but for me I find that it was okay for that man to go and do the hunger strike that was his way or expressing love yes that was his way and by the way it both roots and for me I support him can you also do the hunger strike yes I can do it if it is well it can you do hunger strike no that's humiliation but you don't eat when you are broken when your heart was broken you were just sobbing remember this pain that you are going through is personal you don't have to go and camp out and everybody sees that you are in pain no on the issue of compensation I think it's very important people should be compensated compensate me for all the time I have spent with you and you have not married me you know for girls it's different but you also wasted my time why do you only see that I wasted your time why don't you see that almost you are the one who was those are my mattresses and beds no maybe it was mine you are the one who wasted my time but you are the one who was the one who was the one who was from the experience our time is really up from your own experience look at this camera and tell somebody maybe a girl who is now going through a heartbreak maybe she was heartbroken tell that somebody something so I would like to tell you little girl wherever you are that you are not the first person to go through it and you are not the last person there is nothing new under the sun when someone cheats on you remember you are not the first person when someone hurts you remember you are not the first person I would like you to take the time and feel the pain feel it regardless of how ugly it is feel it but it will not everything stays nothing stays the same thank you so for me I would advise the young men and young women watching this to let it out find somebody who you can talk to somebody who can provide counseling to you and we leave it by watching I don't have forgotten her name by saying that the world does not stop when you are grieving so just find a way of moving on if you can solve the issue also solve it but just find a way of moving on thank you for me you should avoid things that bring break up the top 10 are bad behaviour cheating, misdirected anger being a supportive the toxic people around you bring that with only affection and attention lying, stealing giving up easily and not communicating at the top reasons for break up scientifically and then the things that you should really avoid when you are heartbroken don't negative talk don't brood about your mistake like blaming yourself as Hirungu was saying stop idealizing that person brooding seeing him avoid neuromantic opportunities do everything that will help you in the healing process that was nice having you it's good that we learn these things so that we avoid them we do the right things because outbreaks have killed so many people so let us learn together so that every time we meet we don't hear you in news that you are killed or you killed yourself because of that there is always another chance 3 months is enough for you to heal 3 months enough for you to heal so just heal nice from me everybody that made this program successful thank you thank you the technical team and everybody till we meet next time bye bye