 CHAPTER 5 NANCY had written to her father a short letter, but affectionate, begging him to let her know whether the improvement in his health, of which she had spoken before she left home, still continued. The answer came without delay. On the whole, said Mr. Lord, he was doing well enough. No need, whatever, to trouble about him. He wrote only a few lines, but closed with love to you, my dear child, an unwanted effusiveness. At the same time there came a letter from Horace. You will be surprised it began, at the address I write from. As you know I had planned to go to Brighton, but on the day before my holiday commenced I heard from FF, saying that she and Mrs. Peachy had had a quarrel, and she was tired of Brighton, and was coming home. So I waited a day or two, and then, as I had half promised, I went to see Mrs. D. We had a long talk, and it ended in my telling her about F, and all the row there has been. Perhaps she will think I had better have kept it to myself, but Mrs. D. and I are on first-rate terms, and she seems to understand me better than anyone I ever met. We talked about my holiday, and she persuaded me to come to Scarborough, where she herself was going for a week or two. It's rather an expensive affair, but worth the money. Of course I have lodgings of my own. Mrs. D. is at a big hotel, where friends of hers are staying. I have been introduced to two or three people, great swalls, and I have had lunch with Mrs. D. at the hotel twice. This kind of life suits me exactly. I don't think I get on badly with the swalls. Of course I say not a word about my position, and of course nobody would think of asking questions. If you would like this place, I rather wish you were here. Of course father thinks I have come on my own hook. It's very awkward having to keep a secret of this kind. I must try and persuade Mrs. D. to have a talk with father. But one thing I can tell you. I feel pretty sure that she'll get me, somehow or other, out of that beastly city life. She's always talking of things I might do. But not a word to anyone about all this. Be sure. This news caused Nancy to ponder for a long time. The greater part of the morning she spent at home and in her own room. After lunch she sat idly on the promenade, little disposed for conversation. It was the second day since Tarrant had told her that he was going to Exeter. And they had not again met. The Morgans had not seen him, either. The next morning, however, as all three were sitting in one of their favorite places, Tarrant approached them. Mrs. Morgan, who was fluttered by the natural supposition of the love affair between Miss Lord and the interesting young man, made it easy for them to talk together. Did you get your books? Nancy asked, when silence followed on trivialities. Yes, and spent half a day with them in a favorite retreat of mine, inland. It's a very beautiful spot. I should like you to see it. Indeed, you ought to. Nancy turned her eyes to the sea. We might walk over there one afternoon, he added. Mrs. Morgan can't walk far. Why should we trouble her? Are you obliged to remain under Mrs. Morgan's wing? It was said jestingly, but Nancy felt peaked. Certainly not. I'm quite independent. So I should have supposed. Then why not come? He seemed perfectly self-possessed, but the voice was not quite his own. To Nancy, her eyes still looking straight forward, it sounded as though from a distance. It had an effect upon her nerve similar to that she had experienced three days ago when they were walking about the pier. Her hands fell idly. She leaned back more heavily on the seat. A weight was on her tongue. A country ramble of an hour or two pursued the voice, which itself had become languorous. Surely you are sometimes alone. It isn't necessary to give a detailed account of your time. She answered impatiently. Of course not. In this moment her thoughts had turned to Luckworth Crue, and she was asking herself why this invitation of Terrence affected her so very differently from anything she had felt when Crue begged her to meet him in London. With him she could go anywhere, enjoying a genuine independence, a complete self-confidence, thinking her unconventional behavior merely good fun. Terrence's proposal startled her. She was not mistress of the situation, as when trifling with Crue. A sense of peril caused her heart to beat quickly. This afternoon then the voice was murmuring. She answered mechanically. It's going to rain, I think. I think not, but if so, to-morrow. Tomorrow was Sunday. Yes, Monday then. Nancy heard him smother a laugh. She wished to look at him, but could not. It won't rain, he continued, still with the ease of one who speaks of everyday matters. We shall see at all events. Perhaps you'll want to change your book at the library, a novel they own her lab. We'll leave it in open possibility to meet there about three o'clock. Nancy pointed out to see and asked where the steamer just passing might be bound for. Her companion readily turned to this subject. The rain, she half-hoped for it, did not come. By lunch and time every doubtful clod had vanished. Before sitting down a table she observed the sky at the open window. Lovely weather saw Mrs. Morgan behind her. But for you, dear Nancy, I should have been dreaming and wishing—oh, how vainly!—in this trifling town. We'll have another drive this afternoon, Nancy declared. Oh, how delightful! But pray—pray, not on our account. Jessica, Nancy turned to her friend, who had just entered the room. We'll have the carriage at three, and a better horse than last time. I'll take good care of that. Pen ink and paper. She cried joyously. The note shall go round at once. You're a magnificent sort of person, said Jessica. Some day, no doubt, you'll keep a carriage and pair of your own. Shant I just, and drive you down to Burlington House for your exams. By the by, does a female bachelor of arts lose her degree if she gets married? Nancy was frightlier than of late. Her mood maintained itself throughout the first half of the drive, then she seemed to be overcome by a sudden weariness, ceased to talk, and gave only a listless look at things, which interested her companions. By when they reached home again, she had a pale, troubled countenance, until dinner nothing more was seen of her, and after the meal she soon excused herself on the plea of a headache. Again there passed two days, Sunday and Monday, without Terrence appearing. Mrs. Morgan and Jessica privately talked much of the circumstance. Sentimental souls, they found this topic inexhaustible. Jessica, having her mind best drawn away from Burlington House, benefited not a little by the mystery of her friend's position. She thought, however, that Nancy might have practiced a less severe reticence. To Mrs. Morgan it never occurred that so self-reliant a young woman as Miss Lorde stood in need of matronly counsel, of strict chaperonage. She would have deemed it an impertinence to allow herself the most innocent remark implying such a supposition. On Wednesday afternoon, about three o'clock, Nancy walked alone to the library. There, looking at books and photographs in the window, stood Lionel Tarrant. He greeted her as usual, seemed not to remark the hot color in her cheeks, and stepped with her into the shop. She had meant to choose a novel but, with Tarrant looking on, felt constrained to exhibit her capacity for severe reading. The choice of grave works was not large, and she found it difficult to command her thoughts, even for the perusal of titles. However, she ultimately discovered a book that promised anything but frivolity. Sam holds his lectures on scientific subjects, and at this she clutched. Two loudly dressed women were at the same time searching the shelves. I wonder whether this is a pretty book, said one to the other, taking down a trio of volumes. Oh, it looks as if it might be pretty. Returned her friend, examining the cover. They faced to the person behind the counter. Is this a pretty book? One of them inquired loftily. Oh, yes, madam, that's a very pretty book. Very pretty. Nancy exchanged a glance with her companion and smiled. When they were outside again, Tarrant asked, Have you found a pretty book? She showed the title of her choice, Merciful Heavens, you mean to read that? The girls of today. What mere men is worthy of them? I must rise to the occasion. We'll have a chapter as we rest. Insensibly Nancy had followed the direction he chose. His words took for granted that she was going into the country with him. My friends are on the pier, she said, abruptly stopping. Were doubtless they will enjoy themselves. Let me carry your book, please. Hum holds is rather heavy. Thanks. I can carry it very well. I shall turn this way. No, no, my way this afternoon. Nancy stood still, looking up the street that led towards the sea. She was still bright-colored, her lips had a pathetic expression, a childlike pouting. There was an understanding, said Tarrant, with playful firmness. Not for today. No, for the day when you disappointed me. The day after, I didn't think it worthwhile to come here. Yesterday I came, but felt no surprise that I didn't meet you. Today I had a sort of hope. This way. She followed, and they walked for several minutes in silence. Will you let me look at Hum holds? Said the young man at length. Most excellent book, of course. People causes of harmony in music, interaction of natural forces, conservation of force. You enjoy this kind of thing. One must know something about it. I suppose so. I used to grind at science because everybody talks science. In reality I loathed it, and now I read only what I like. Life's too short for intellectual make-believe, it is too short for anything but enjoyment. Tell me what you read for pure pleasure. Poetry? They had left the streets, and were pursuing a road, bordered with gardens. Gardens of glowing color, sheltered amid great laurels, shadowed by stately trees. The air was laid in with warm scents of flower and leaf. On an instinct of resistance, Nancy pretended that the exact sciences were her favorite study. She said it in the tone of superiority, which habit had made natural to her in speaking of intellectual things, and Tarrant appeared to accept her declaration without skepticism, but a moment after he turned the talk upon novels. Thus, for half an hour and more, they strolled on, by upwards ways, until tin-myth laid beneath them, and the stillness of meadows all about. Only Tarrant, led from the beaten road into a lane all but overgrown with grass. He began to gather flowers, and offered them to Nancy. Personal conversations seemed at an end. They were enjoying the brilliant sky and the peaceful loveliness of earth. They exchanged simple, natural thoughts, or idle words in which was no thought at all. Before long they came to an old broken gate, half open. It was the entrance to a narrow cartway, now unused, which descended, windingly, between high-thick hedges. Ruts of a foot in depth, baked hard by summer, showed how, myry, the track must be in the season of rain. "'This is our way,' said Tarrant, his hand on the likened wood. "'Better than the pier or the promenade, don't you think? But we have gone far enough.' Nancy drew back into the lane, looked at her flowers, and then shaded her eyes with them to gaze upward. "'Almost. Another five minutes, and you will see the place I told you of. You can't imagine how beautiful it is.' "'Another day. We are all but there.' He seemed regretfully to yield, and Nancy yielded in her turn. She felt a sudden shame in the thought of having, perhaps, betrayed timidity. Without speaking she passed the gate. The hedge on either side was of hazel and dwarf oak, of hawthorn and blackthorn, all intertwined with giant brambles, and with briars which, here and there, met overhead. High and low, blackberries hung in multitudes, swelling to purple ripeness, numberless the trailing and climbing plants. Nancy's skirts rustled among the greenery. Her cheeks were touched as if with a caress, by many a droopy and branchlet. In places Terrent had to hold the tangle above her while she stooped past. And from this they emerged into a small circular space where the cartway made a turn at right angles and disappeared behind thickets. They were in the midst of a plantation. On every side trees closed about them, with a low and a regular hedge to mark the borders of the grassy rown. Nancy's eyes fell at once upon a cluster of magnificent fox-gloves, growing upon a bank which rose to the foot of an old elm. Beside the fox-gloves lay a short-hewn trunk, bedded in the ground, thickly overgrown with mosses, lichens and small fungi. "'Have I misled you?' said Terrent, watching her face with frank pleasure. "'No, indeed you haven't. This is very beautiful. I discovered it last year, and spent hours here alone. I couldn't ask you to come and see it then,' he added, laughing. "'It is delightful. Here's your seat. Who knows how many years it has waited for you?' She sat down upon the old trunk, about the roots of the elm, above grew masses of fern, and beneath it a rough bit of the bank was clothed with pennywort, the green diss and yellowing fruity spires, making an exquisite patch of color. In the shadow of bushes near at hand, heart's tongue abound in, with fronds hanging to the length of an arm. "'Now,' said Terrent Gailey, you shall have some blackberries.' And he went to gather them, returning in a few minutes with a large leaf-full. He saw that Nancy, meanwhile, had taken up the book, from where he dropped it to the ground. It lay open on her lap. Hem holds away with him. No, I have opened it something interesting.' She spoke as though possession of the book were of vital importance to her. Nevertheless the fruit was accepted, and she drew off her gloves to eat it. Terrent seated himself on the ground near her, and gradually fell into a half recumbent attitude. "'What you have any?' Nancy asked, without looking at him. "'One or two, if you will give me them.' She chose a fine blackberry and held it out. Terrent let it fall into his palm and murmured, "'You have a beautiful hand.' In a moment after, he glanced at her. She seemed to be reading Hem holds. The calm of the golden afternoon could not have been more profound. Birds twitted softly in the wood, and, if a leaf rustled, it was only at the touch of wings. Earth breathed its many perfumes upon the slumberous air. "'You know,' said Terrent, after a long pause, and speaking as though he feared to break the hush. Thy Keats once stayed at Tynmouth.' Nancy did not know it, but said yes. The name of Keats was familiar to her. But of his life she knew hardly anything, of his poetry very little. Her education had been chiefly concerned with names. "'Will you read me a paragraph of Hem holds?' continued the other, looking at her with a smile. "'Any paragraph? The one before you.' She hesitated, but read at length, in an unsteady voice, something about the conservation of force. It ended in a nervous laugh. "'Now I'll read something to you,' said Terrent, and he began to repeat, slowly, musically, lines of verse which his companion had never heard. "'Oh, what can ale thee, night at arms, alone and palely loitering?' The sedge is withered from the lake, and no bird sings. He went through the poem. Nancy the Wild did not stir. It was as though he murmured melody for his own pleasure, rather than recited to a listener. But no word was inaudible. Nancy knew that his eyes rested upon her. She wished a smile, yet could not. And when he ceased, the silence held her motionless. "'Isn't it better?' said Terrent, drawing slightly nearer to her. "'Of course it is.' "'I used to know thousands of verses by heart. Did you ever write any? Half a dozen epics or so, when I was about seventeen. Yet I don't come of a poetical family. My father—' He stopped abruptly, looked into Nancy's face with a smile, and said in a tone of playfulness, "'Do you remember asking me whether I had anything to do with—' Nancy, flushing over all her features, exclaimed, "'Don't. Please don't. I'm ashamed of myself.' I didn't like it. But we know each other better now. You were quite right. That was how my grandfather made his money. My father, I believe, got through most of it, and gave no particular thought to me. His mother, the old lady whom you know, had plenty of her own. To be mine, she tells me some day. "'Do you wish to be forgiven for hurting my pride?' he added. "'I don't know what made me say such a thing.' She faltered the words. She felt her will subdued. Tarant reached a hand and took one of hers and kissed it, then allowed her to draw it away. "'Now will you give me another blackberry?' The girl was trembling, a light shone in her eyes. She offered the leaf with fruit in it. Tarant, whilst choosing, touched the blue veins of her wrist with his lips. "'What are you going to do?' she asked presently. I mean, what do you aim in life?' "'Enjoyment. Why should I trouble about anything else? I should be content if life were all like this—to look at a beautiful face and listen to a voice that charms me, and touch a hand that makes me thrill with such pleasure as I never knew.' "'It's a waste of time.' "'Oh, never time was spent so well. Look at me again like that, with the eyes half closed and the lips half mocking. Oh, the exquisite lips. If I might, if I might.' He did not stir from his posture of languities, but Nancy, with a quick movement, drew a little away from him, then rose. "'It's time to go back,' she said absently. "'No, no, not yet. Let me look at you for a few minutes more.' She began to walk slowly, head bent. Well, then, tomorrow or the day after, the place will be just as beautiful, and you even more. The seer makes you lovelier from day to day.' Nancy looked back for an instant. Tarant followed, and in the deep leafy way he again helped her to pass the briars. But their hands never touched, and the silence was unbroken until they had issued into the open lane. End CHAPTER VI. CHAPTER VI. The lodges were taken for three weeks, and more than half the time had now elapsed. And Jessica, who declared herself quite well and strong again, though her face did not bear out the assertion, was beginning to talk of matters examinational once more. Notwithstanding protests, she brought forth from their hiding-place sundry, arid little manuals and black-covered notebooks. Her thoughts were divided between algebraic formulae and Nancy's relations with Lionel Tarant. Just because no secret was confided to her, she affected more appetite for the arid little books than she really felt. Nancy would neither speak of examinations nor give ear when they were talked about. She, whether consciously or not, was making haste to graduate in quite another school. On the morning after a long walk with Tarant, she woke before sunrise, and before seven o'clock had left the house. A high wind and hurrying clouds made the weather prospects uncertain. She strayed about the den, never losing sight for more than a minute or two, of the sea-fronting house where Tarant lived. But no familiar form approached her, and she had to return to breakfast unrewarded for early rising. Through the day she was restless and silent, kept alone as much as possible, and more a look which, as the hours went on, darkened from anxiety to ill-humour. She went to bed much earlier than usual. At eleven next morning, having lingered behind her friends, she found Tarant in conversation with Mrs. Morgan and Jessica on the pier. His greeting astonished her. It had precisely the gracious formality of a year ago. A word or two about the weather, and he resumed his talk with Mrs. Morgan. It's subject, the educational value of the classics. Applied to listen, Nancy suffered an anguish of resentful passion. For a quarter of an hour she kept silence, then saw the young man take leave and saunt her way. With that air which, in satire, she had formally styled majestic. And then passed three whole days, during which Lionel was not seen. The evening of the fourth between eight and nine o'clock found Nancy at the door of the house, which her thoughts had a thousand times visited. A servant in reply to inquiry told her that Mr. Tarant was in London, he would probably return to-morrow. She walked idly away, and at less than a hundred yards distance, met Tarant himself. His costume showed that he had just come from the railway station. Nancy would gladly have walked straight past him, but the tone in which he addressed her was a new surprise, and she stood in helpless confusion. He had been to London, called away on sudden business. I thought of writing. Yeah, I did write, but after all, I didn't post the letter. For very simple reason. I couldn't remember your address. And he laughed so naturally that the captive walked on by a side, unresisting. Their conversation lasted only a few minutes, then Nancy resolutely bathed him good night, no appointment made for the morrow. A day of showers, then a day of excessive heat. They saw each other several times, but nothing of moment passed. The morning after they met, before breakfast. Tomorrow is our last day, said Nancy. Yes, Mrs. Morgan told me. Nancy herself had never spoken of departure. This afternoon we'll go up the hill again. I don't think I shall care to walk so far. Look at the mist. It's going to be dreadfully hot again. Tarant was in a mood of careless deity. His companion appeared to struggle against slisslessness, and her cheek had lost its wanted color. U.F.T. at four or five, I suppose. Let us go after that, when the heat of the day is over. To this, after various objections, Nancy consented. Through the hours of glaring sunshine she stayed at home, lying inert, by an open window. Over the tea cups she was amiable, but dreamy. When ready to go out, she just looked into the Sydney room, where Jessica bent over books, and said cheerfully, I may be a little late for dinner, on no account wait, I forbid it. And so, without listening to the answer, she hurried away. In the upward climbing lanes, no breeze yet tempered, there still air. The sky of misted sapphire showed not a cloud from verge to verge. Tarant, as if to make up for his companion's silence, talked ceaselessly, and always in light vain. Sunshine, he said, was indispensable to his life. He never passed the winter in London. If he were the poorest of mortals, he would, at all events, beg his bread in a sunny climb. Are you going to the Bahamas this winter? Nancy asked, mentioning the matter for the first time, since you heard of it at Champion Hill. I don't know, everything is uncertain. And he put the question aside as if it were of no importance. They passed the old gate, and breathed relief in the never broken shadow of tangled foliage. Whilst pushing a bramble aside, Tarant led his free arm, fall lightly on Nancy's waist. At once, she sprang forward, but without appearing to notice what had happened. Stay, did you ever see such ivy as this? It was a mass of large, lustrous leaves, concealing a rotten trunk. Whilst Nancy looked on, Tarant pulled a long stem and tried to break it away. I must cut it. Why? You shall see. He wove three stems into a wreath. There now, take off your hat and let me crown you, having made it too large for the little head. Nancy, after a moment's reluctance, unfastened her hat and stood bareheaded, flushing and laughing. You do your hair in the right way, the Greek way. A diadem on the top, the only way when the hair and the head are beautiful. It leaves the outline free, the exquisite curve that unites neck and head. Now the ivy wreath. And how will you look? She wore a dress of thin, creamy material, which, while seeming to cumber her as little as garments could, yet fitted closely enough to declare the healthy beauty of her form. The dark green garland for which she bent a little became her admirably. I pictured it in my letter, said Tarant, the letter you never got. Where is it? Oh, I burnt it. Tell me what was in it. All sorts of things. A long letter. I think that's all nonsense about forgetting my address. Mere truth. In fact, I never knew it. Be so good as to tell me, she spoke as she walked on before him, what you met by your behaviour that morning before you went to London. But how did I behave? Very strangely. Even affected, not to understand, but when she again turned, Nancy saw a mischievous smile on his face. A bit of nonsense, shall I tell you? He stepped near and suddenly caught both her hands, one of them was trailing her sunshade. Forgive me in advance, will you? I don't know about that. And she tried, though faintly, to get free. But I will make you. Now refuse. His lips had just touched hers, just touched and no more. Rosie read she trembled before him with droopy in eyelids. It meant nothing at all, really. He pursued his voice at its softest, a sham trial, to see whether I was hopelessly conquered or not. Of course I was. Nancy shook her hand. You dare to doubt it. I understand now what the old poet meant when he talked of bees seeking honey on his lady's lips. That fancy isn't so artificial as it seemed. That's all very pretty. She spoke between quick breaths and tried to laugh, but you have thrown my hat on the ground. Give it me and take the ivy for yourself. I am no Bacchus. He tossed the wreath aside. Take the hat. I like you in it just as well. You shall have a girdle of woodbine instead. I don't believe your explanation, said Nancy. Not believe me. With feigned indignation he moved to capture her again, but Nancy escaped. Her hat in her hand she darted forward. A minute's run brought her into the open space and there, with an exclamation of surprise, she stopped. Tarrant, but a stepper-tube behind her, saw it almost at the same moment, the spectacle which had arrested her flight. Before them stood two little donkeys munching eagerly at a crop of rosy-headed thistles. They, the human beings, looked at each other. Tarrant burst into extravagant laughter, and Nancy joined him. Neither's mirth was spontaneous. Nancy's had a note of nervous tension, a ring of something like recklessness. Where can they come from, she asked. They must have strayed a long way. I haven't seen any farm or cottage. But perhaps someone is with them. Wait, I'll go on a little and see if some boy is hanging about. He turned the sharp corner and disappeared. For two or three minutes Nancy stood alone, watching the patient little gray beast, whose pendant ears, with many a turn and twitch, expressed their joy in the feast of thistles. She watched them in seeming only. Her eyes beheld nothing. A voice sounded from behind her. Nancy, startled, she saw Tarrant standing high up, in a gap of the hedge, on the bank which bordered the wood. How did you get there? Went round. He showed the direction with his hand. I can see no one, but somebody may come. It's wonderful here among the trees. Come over. How can I? We will drive the donkeys away. No, it's much better here. A wild wood full of wonderful things. The bank isn't too steep. Give me your hand, and you can step up easily. Just at this place. She drew near. Your sunshade first. Oh, it's too much trouble. She said languidly, all but plaintively. I'd rather be here. Obey your sunshade. She gave it. Now your hand. He was kneeling on the top of the bank, with very little exertion, Nancy found herself beside him. Then he at once slept down among the brushwood, a descent of some three feet. We shall be trespassing, said Nancy. What do I care? Now jump. As if you could catch me. Again she uttered her nervous laugh. I am heavy. Obey, jump. He cried impatiently, his eyes afire. She knelt, seated herself, dropped forward. Tarrant caught her in his arms. You, heavy, a featherweight, why can carry you? I could run with you. And he did carry her through the brushwood, away into the shadow of the trees. At dinner time Mrs. Morgan and her daughter were alone. They agreed to wait a quarter of an hour, and sat silent, pretending each to be engaged with the book. At length their eyes met. What does it mean, Jessica? Asked the mother timidly. I'm sure I don't know. It doesn't concern us. She didn't mean to be back, by what she said. But isn't it rather, oh, Nancy's all right. I suppose she'll have something to tell you tonight or tomorrow. We must have dinner. I'm hungry. So my dear, oh, I'm quite afraid to think of the appetites for taking back poor Millie will be terrified. Eight o'clock, nine o'clock, the two conversed in subdued voices. Mrs. Morgan was anxious, all but distressed. Half past nine. What can it mean, Jessica? I can't help feeling a responsibility. After all, Nancy is quite a young girl, and I sometimes thought she might be steadier. Hush, that was a knock. They waited. In a minute or two, the door was open a few inches and a voice called, Jessica. She responded. Nancy was standing in the gloom. Come into my room, she said, curtly. Arrived there, she did not strike a light. She closed the door and took hold of her friend's arm. We can't go back the day after tomorrow, Jessica. We must wait a day longer, till the afternoon of Friday. Why, what's the matter, Nancy? Nothing serious. Don't be frightened. I'm tired, and I shall go to bed. But why must we wait? Listen, will you promise me faithfully, as friend of friend, faithfully, not to tell the reason, even to your mother? I will, faithfully. Then it's this. On Friday morning, I shall be married to Mr. Tarrant. Gracious! I may tell you more before then, but perhaps not. We shall be married by license, and it needs one day between getting the license and the marriage. You may tell your mother, if you like, that I want to stay longer on his account. I don't care. Of course, you suspect something. But not a syllable to hint at the truth. I've been your best friend for a long time, and I trust you. She spoke in a passionate whisper, and Jessica felt her trembling. You didn't have the least fear of me, dear. I believe it. Kiss me, and good night. End Chapter 6, End Part 2, Chapter 1, Part 3, Into Bondage, Of in the Year of Jubilee, by George Kissing. The superbox recording is in the public domain. Chapter 1. During his daughter's absence, Stephen Lord led a miserable life. The wasting disease had firm hold upon him. Day by day, consumed his flesh, darkened his mind. The more needy he had of nursing and restraint, the less could he tolerate interference with his habits. Invasion of his gloomy solitude. The doctor's visits availed nothing. He listened to advice, or seemed to listen, but with a smile of obstinate suspicion on his furrowed face, which conveyed to plain a meaning to the advisor. On one point, Mary had prevailed with him. After some days' resistance, he allowed her to transform the cabin-like arrangements of his room and give it the appearance of a comfortable bed-chamber. But he would not take to his bed, and the suggestion of professional nursing excited his wrath. Do you write to Nancy? He asked one morning of his faithful attendant with scowling suspicion. No. You are telling me the truth. I never write to anyone. Understand plainly that I won't have a word that said to her about me. This was when Horace had gone away to Scarborough, believing on his father's assurance that there was no ground whatever for anxiety. Sometimes Mr. Lord sat hour after hour in an unchanging position, his whole eyes scarcely moving from one point. At others he paced his room or wandered about the house or made an attempt at gardening, which soon ended in pain and exhaustion. Towards night he became feverish, his hollow cheeks glowing with an ominous tint. In the morning he occasionally prepared himself as if to start for his place of business. He left the house and walked for perhaps a couple of hundred yards, then slackened his pace, stopped, looked about him in an agony of indecision, and at length returned. After this futile endeavor he had recourse to the bottles in his cupboard and presently fell into a troubled sleep. At the end of the second week, early one evening, three persons came to him by appointment. His partner, Samuel Barnby, Mr. Barnby, senior, and a well-dressed gentleman, who married, she opened the door to them, had never seen before. They sat together in the drawing room for more than an hour. Then the well-dressed gentleman took his leave. The others remaining for some time longer. The promoted servant at Mr. Lord's bidding had made a change in her dress. During the latter part of the day she presented the appearance of a gentlewoman and sat, generally with needlework, sometimes with a book, alone in the dining room. On a Sunday, while Snancy and her brother were away, the Barnby family, father, son, and two daughters, came to take tea and spend the evening, Mary doing the honors of the house. She bore herself without awkwardness, talked simply and, altogether, justified Mr. Lord's opinion of her. When the guests were gone, Stephen made no remark, but in saying goodnight to her, smiled for an instant, the first smile seen upon his face for many days. Mary remained ignorant of the disease from which he was suffering. In the matter of his diet, she consulted and obeyed him, though often enough it seemed to her that his choice suited little with the state of an invalid. He ate it a regular times and frequently like a starving man. Mary suspected that on the occasions when he went out for half an hour after dark, he brought back food with him. She had seen him enter with something concealed beneath his coat. All his doings were to her a subject of ceaseless anxiety of a profound distress which, in his presence, she was obliged to conceal. If she regarded him sadly, the sufferer grew petulant or irate. He would not endure a question concerning his health. On the day which was understood to be Nancy's last, at Tynmouth, he brightened a little and talked with pleasure, as it seemed, of her return on the morrow. Horace had written that he would be home this evening, but Mr. Lord spoke only of his daughter. At about six o'clock, he was sitting in the garden and Mary brought him the letter just delivered. He looked at the envelope with a smile to tell us the train she's coming by, no doubt. Mary weighed in when Mr. Lord had read the brief note, his face darkened, first with disappointment, then with anger. Here, look at it, he said harshly. What else was to be expected? Dearest father, wrote Nancy, I'm sorry that our return must be put off. We hope to get back on Friday evening. Of course, this will make no difference to you. With best love, dear father, and hope we shall find you much better. What does she mean by behaving in this way? Resumed the angry voice before Mary had read to the end. What does she mean by it? Who gave her leave to stay longer? Not a word of explanation. How does she know it will make no difference to me? What does she mean by it? The fine weatherers tempted them, replied Mary. I dare say they want to go somewhere. What right has she to make the change in a moment's notice? Reciferated the father, his voice suddenly recovering its old power, his cheeks and necks effused with red wrath. And hope she will find me better. What does she care whether she finds me alive or dead? Oh, don't say that. You wouldn't let her know that you were worse. What does it mean? I hate this deceitful behavior. She knew before, of course she knew, and she left it to the last moment so that I couldn't ride and prevent her from staying, as if I should have wished to. As if I cared a brass farthing how long she stays or for that matter, whether I ever see her again. He checked the course of his furious speech and stood staring at the letter. What did you say? He spoke now in a horse undertone. You thought they were going somewhere. Last year there used to be steamers that went to places on certain days. Nonsense. She wouldn't alter all their plans for that. It's something I'm not to know. Of course it is. She's deceitful, like all women. He met Mary's eye, suddenly turned upon him. His own fell before it, and without speaking again he went into the house. In half an hour's time his bell rang, and not Mary, but the young servant responded. According to her directions, she knocked at the door and, without opening it, asked her master's pleasure. Mr. Lord said that he was going out and would not require a meal till late in the evening. It was nearly 10 o'clock when he returned. Mary, sitting in the front room, rose at his entrance. I want nothing, he said. I have been to the Barbies. Voice and movements proved how the effort had taxed him. In sitting down, he troubled. Fever was in his eyes and pain in every line of his countenance. Mary handed him a letter. He came from Horace and was an intimation that the young gentleman would not return tonight, but tomorrow. When Mr. Lord had read it, he jerked a contemptuous laugh and threw the sheet of note paper across the table. There you are, not much to choose between daughter and son. He's due at business in the morning, but what does that matter? It doesn't suit his lordship to keep time. He laughed again, his emphasis on lordship, showing that he cautiously played with a family name. But I was a fool to be angry. Let them come when they will. For a few minutes, he lay back in the chair, gazing at vacancy. Has the girl gone to bed? I'll tell her she can go. Mary soon returned and took up the book with which she had been engaged in a low voice. And as if speaking without much thought, Stephen asked her what she was reading. It was a volume of an old magazine bought by Mr. Lord many years ago. Yes, yes, Nancy laughs at it, calls it old rubbish. These young people are so clever. His companion made no remark, unobserved. He scrutinized her face for a long time and said at length, don't let us fall out, Mary. You're not pleased with me, I and I know why. I said all women were deceitful and you took it too seriously. You ought to know me better. There's something comes on me every now and then. It makes me say the worst I can, no matter who it hurts. Could I be such a fool as to think ill of you? It did hurt me, replied the other, still bent over her book, but it was only the sound of it. I knew you said more than you meant. I'm a fool and I've been a fool all my life. Is it likely I should have wise children? When I went off to the Barbies, I thought of sending Samuel down to Tinnmouth to find out what they were at. But I alter my mind before I got there. What good would it have done? All I can do, I've done already. I made my will the other day. It's signed and witnessed. I've made it as I told you I should. I'm not much longer for this world, but I've saved the girl from foolishness till she's six and 20. After that, she must take care of herself. They sat silent, whilst the clock on the mantelpiece ticked away a few more minutes. Mr. Lord's features betrayed the working of turbid thought, a stern resentment, their prevailing expression. Whenever we released him, he again looked at his companion. Mary, did you ever ask yourself what sort of woman Nancy's mother may have been? The listener started, like one in whom a secret has been surprised. She tried to answer, but after all did not speak. I'll tell you, Stephen pursued. Yes, I'll tell you. You must know it. Not a year after the boy's birth, she left me. And I made myself free of her. I divorced her. Their eyes just met. You didn't think that it cost me any suffering, not on her account, not because I had lost my wife. I never felt so glad before or since, as on the day when it was all over, and I found myself a free man again. I suffered only in thinking how I had fooled away some of the best years of my life for a woman who despised me from the first and was as heartless as the stones of the street. I found her in beggary or close upon it. I made myself her slave. It's only the worthless women who accept from a man who expect from whom such slavish worship as she had from me. I gave her clothing. She scarcely thanked me, but I thought myself happy. I gave her a comfortable home, such as she hadn't known for years. For a ward she mocked at my plain taste in quiet ways, but I thought no ill of it could see nothing in it, but a girlish, light-hearted sort of way that seemed one of her merits. As long as we lived together, she pretended to be an affectionate wife. I should think no one ever matched her in hypocrisy. But the first chance she had has been children, home, all fling aside in a moment. Then I saw her in the true light and understood all at once what a blind fool I had been. He breathed quickly and painfully. Mary sat without a movement. I thought I had done a great thing in marrying a wife that was born above me. Her father had been a country gentleman. Horse-raising and such things had brought him down and from her 12th year, his daughter lived. I never quite knew how, but on charity of some kind. She grew up without trying to earn her own living. She thought herself too good for that. Thought she had a claim to be supported because as a child she was weighted upon by servants. When I asked her once if she couldn't have done something, she stared at me and laughed at my face. For all that, she was glad enough to marry a man of my sort, rough and uneducated as I was. She always reminded me of it though, that I had no education. I believe she thought that she had a perfect right to throw over such a husband whenever she chose. Afterwards, I saw very well that her education didn't amount to much. How could it when she learned nothing after she was 12? She was living with very poor people who came from my part of the country. That's why I met her. The father led some sort of black guard life in London but had no money for her, no yet for his other girl, who went into service I was told and perhaps made herself a useful, honest woman. He died in a hospital and he was buried at my expense, not three months before his daughter went off and left me. You will never tell your children, said Mary, when there had been a long pause. I've often thought it would only be right if I told them. I've often thought, the last year or two, that Nancy ought to know. It might make her think and do her good. No, no, return the other hurriedly. Never let her know of it, never. It might do her much harm. You know now, Mary, why I look at the girl so anxiously. She's not like her mother, not much like her in face and I can't think she's like her in heart. But you know what her faults are as well as I do. Whether I've been right or wrong in giving her a good education, I shall never know. Wrong, I fear, but I've told you all about that. You don't know whether she's alive or not, asked Mary, when once more it was left to her to break silence. What do I care? How should I know? Don't be tempted to tell them, either of them, said the other earnestly. My friend Barbie knows whether he's told his son, I can't say. It's 20 years since we spoke about it. If he did ever mention it to Samuel, then it might somehow get known to Horace or the girl when I'm gone. I won't give up the hope that young Barbie may be her husband. She'll have time to think about it. But if ever she should come to you and ask questions, I mean, if she's been told what happened, you'll set me right in her eyes. You'll tell her what I've told you. I hope it may never. So do I. Stephen interrupted, his voice husky with fatigue. But I count on you to make my girl think rightly of me if ever there's occasion. I count on you. When I'm dead, I won't have her think that I was to blame for her mother's old doing. That's why I've told you. You believe me, don't you? And Mary, lifting her eyes, met his look of appeal with more than a friend's confidence. End chapter one. Chapter two, part three, into bondage. Of In the Year of Jubilee by George Kissing. The Superboxed recording is in the public domain. Chapter two. From Chambers and Staples Inn, Lionel Tarant looked forth upon the laborious world with a dainty enjoyment of his own limitless leisure. The old Gables, running upon Holborn, pleased his fancy. He liked to pass under the time-worn archway, and so at a step, estranged himself from commercial tumult. To be in the midst of modern life, yet breathe an atmosphere of ancient repose, he belonged to an informal club of young men who called themselves facetiously the Haudyurnals. Wixie Haudier. The motto, suggested by someone or other after a fifth tumbler of whiskey punch, might bear more than a single interpretation. Harvey Mundan, the one member of this genial brotherhood, who lived by the sweat of his brow, proposed as a more suitable title, Le Fanail. Bad, however, was judged pedantic, not to say offensive. For these sons of the day would not confess to indolence. Each deemed himself, after his own fashion, a pioneer in art, letters, civilization. They had money of their own, or were supported by someone who could afford that privilege. Most of them had, ostensibly, some profession in view. For the present, they contented themselves with living. And the weaker brethren read in their oidianity an obligation to be up to date. Terran professed himself critical of today, apprehensive of tomorrow. He cast a backward eye. Nonetheless, his avowed principle was to savor the passing hour. When Knight grew mellow, and the God of whiskey inspired his soul, he shone in a lyrical egoism, which had but slight correspondence with the sincerities of his solitude. His view of woman, the Hoide-Erenals, talked much of woman, tiffered considerably from his thoughts of the individual woman with whom he associated. Protesting oriental sympathies, he nourished in truth the chivalry appropriate to his years and to his education, and imaged an ideal of female excellence, where of the prime features were moral and intellectual. He had no money of his own, what could be saved for him from his father's squander to state, the will established him sole inheritor, when in the cause of the liberal education. His grandmother giving him assurance that he should not go forth into the world penniless. This promise Mrs. Terran had kept, though not exactly in the manner her grandson desired. Instead of making him a fixed allowance, the old lady supplied him with funds at uncertain intervals, with the unpleasant result that it was sometimes necessary for him to call to remind his dependent condition. The checks he received vary greatly in amount, from handsome remittances of a hundred pounds or so, down to minimum gifts, which made the young man feel uncomfortable when he received them. Still he was provided for, and it could not be long before this dependency came to an end. He believed in his own abilities. Should it ever be needful, he could turn to journalism, for which undoubtedly he had some aptitude. But why do anything at all, in the sense of working for money? Every year he felt less disposed for that kind of exertion, and had a greater relish of his leisurely life. Mrs. Terran never repute him. Indeed, she had long since ceased to make inquiry about his professional views. Perhaps she felt it something of a dignity to have a grandson who lived as gentleman at large. But now in the latter days of August, the gentleman found himself, in one most important particular, at large no longer. On returning from tin myth to stapling, he entered his rooms with a confused, disagreeable sense that things were not as they had been, that his freedom had suffered a violation, that he could not sit down among his books with the old self-centered ease, that his prospects were completely, indescribably changed, for chance much for the worse. In brief, Terran had gone forth a bachelor and came back a married man. Could it be sober fact? Had he in varied deed committed so gross and absurdity? He hadn't proposed no such thing. Miss Nancy Lorde was not by any means the kind of person that entered his thoughts when they turned to marriage. He regarded her as in every respect his inferior. She belonged to the social rank only just above that of wage earners. Her father had a small business in Camberwell. She dressed and talked rather above her station, but so nowadays did every daughter of petty tradesfolk. From the first he had amused himself with her affectation of intellectual superiority. Miss Lorde represented a type to study her as a sample of the pretentious, half educated class was interesting. This sort of girl was turned out in thousands every year from so-called high schools. If they managed to pass some examination or other, their conceit grew boundless. Craftily he had tested her knowledge. It seemed all sham. She would marry some hapless clerk and bring him to bankruptcy by the exigencies of her refinement. So had he thought of Nancy till a few months ago, but in the springtime when his emotions blossomed with the blossoming year, he met the girl after a long interval and saw her with changed eyes. She had something more than prettiness. Her looks undeniably improved. It seemed too that she bore herself more gracefully and even talked with the times and approximation to the speech of a lady. These admissions signified much in a man of tarant's social prejudice, so strong that it exercised an appreciable effect upon his everyday morals. He began to muse about Miss Lorde and the upshot of his musing was that having learned to for departure for Tynrith, he idly but took himself in the same direction. But as for marriage, he would as soon have contemplated taking to wife a barmaid between Miss Lorde and the young lady who dispensed his refreshment. There were distinctions, doubtless, but none of the first importance. Then arose the question, in what spirit, with what purpose did he seek her intimacy? The answer he simply postponed and postponed it very late indeed until the choice is no longer between making love and idleness and conscientiously holding aloof, but between acting like a frank black guard and making the amends of an honest man. The girl's fault, to be sure, he not credited himself with this power of fascination and certainly not with the violence of passion which recklessly pursues indulgence. Still, the girl's fault she had behaved while as a half educated girl of her class might be expected to behave. Ignorance she could not plead that were preposterous, utter subjugation by first love, that perhaps, she affirmed it and possibly with truth, a flattering assumption in all events, but all said and done, the issue had been of her own seeking. Why then, accuse himself of black guardly conduct if you turn to deaf ear to her pleading? Not one word of marriage had previously escaped his lips nor anything that could imply a promise. Well, there was the awkward and unaccountable fact that he felt himself obliged to marry her, that when he seemed to be preparing resistance, downright shame rendered it impossible. Her face, her face when she looked at him and spoke. The truth was that he had not hesitated at all. There was but one course open to him. He gave glances in the other direction. He wished to escape. He reviled himself for his folly. He saw the difficulties and discontents that lay before him, but choice he had none. Love in that sense of the word which Tarot respected could not be said to influence him. He had uttered the word. Yes, of course he had uttered it as a man will who was goaded by his raging blood. But he was, as far as ever, from loving Nancy Lorde. Her beauty and a certain growing charm in her companionship had lured him on. His habitual idleness and the vagueness of his principles made him guilty at last of what a moralist would call very deliberate rascality. He himself was inclined to see his behavior in that light. Yet why had Nancy so smooth the path of temptation that her love was love indeed he might take for granted? To a certain point it excused her, but she seemed so thoroughly able to protect herself. The time of her green girlhood had so long gone by. For explanation he must fall back again on the circumstances of her origin and training. Perhaps she illustrated a social peril, the outcome of modern follies. Yes, that was how he would look at it. A result of charlatan education operating upon crude character, who could say what the girl had been reading, what cheap philosophies had unsettled her mind. It's not a little knowledge a dangerous thing. Thus far had he progressed in the four and 20 hours which followed his or Nancy's conquest. Meanwhile he had visited the office of the registrar, had made his application for marriage license, a proceeding which did not tend to soothe him. Later when he saw Nancy again, he experienced a revival of that humane or mood which accompanied his pledge to marry her. The mood of regret but also of tenderness of compassion. A tenderness that did not go very deep, a half sliding compassion. His character and the features of the case at present allowed no more. But he preferred the kindlier attitude. Of course he preferred it. Was he not essentially good natured? Would he not at any ordinary season go out of his way to do a kindness? Did not his soul revolt against every form of injustice? Whom had he ever injured? For his humanity, no less than for his urbanity, he claimed to note where the distinction among young men at the time. And there lay the pity of it. But for Nancy's self-abandonment, he might have come to love her in good or nursed. As it was, the growth of their intimacy had been marked with singular, unanticipated impulses on his side. Impulses quite inconsistent with heartless scheming. In the compunctious viscidines which interrupted his love-making, at least twice, there was more than a revolt of mere honesty as he recognized during his brief flight to London. Had she exercised but the common prudence of womanhood? Why that she did not might tell both form and against her. Granting that she lacked true dignity, native refinement, might it not have been expected that artfulness would supply their place? Artful fencing would have stamped her of coarse nature. But coarseness she had never betrayed. He had never judged her worse than intellectually shallow. Herself-surrender might then indicate a trait worthy of admiration. Her subsequent behavior undeniably pleaded for respect. She acquainted him with the circumstances of her home life, very modestly, perhaps pathetically. He learned that her father was not ill to do, heard of her domestic and social troubles, that her mother had been long dead, things weighing in her favor, to be sure. If only she had loved him less. It was all over, he was married. Enacting honorably, it seemed probable that he had spoiled his life. He must be prepared for anything. Nancy said that she should not, could not tell her father, yet awhile. But that resolution was of doubtful stability. For his own part, he thought it clearly advisable that the fact should not become known at Champion Hill. But could he believe Nancy's assurance that Miss Morgan remained in the dark? Upon one catastrophe, others might naturally follow. Here, Saturday at noon, came a letter of Nancy's writing, a long letter, and by no means a bad one. Superior, in fact, to anything he thought she could have written. It moved him somewhat, but would have moved him more, had he not been legally bound to the writer. On Sunday, she could not come to see him, but on Monday, early in the afternoon. Well, there were consolations. A wise man makes the best of the inevitable. End CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 PART 3 INTO BONDAGE OF IN THE YEAR OF JUPAL D. by George Kissing. The sleeper box recording is in the public domain. CHAPTER 3 Since his return, he had seen no one, and none of his friends knew where he had been. A call from some stray, Hoy Deernal, would be very unseasonable this Monday afternoon. But probably they were all enjoying their elegant leisure in regions remote from town. As the hour of Nancy's arrival drew near, he sat, trying to compose himself, with indifferent success. At one moment, his thoughts found utterance, any murmured in a strange bewildered tone, my wife. Astonishing words, he laughed at their effect upon him, but unmerthfully. And his next murmur was, the devil. A mere ejaculation, but tokening his state of mind. He reached several times for his pipe, and remembered, when he had touched it, that the lips with which he greeted Nancy ought not to be redolent of tobacco. In outward respect, at all events, he would not fall short. Just when his nervousness was becoming intolerable, there sounded a knock. The knock he had anticipated, timid, brief. He stopped hastily from the room and opened. Nancy hardly looked at him, and neither of them spoke till the closing of two doors had assured their privacy. Well, you had no difficulty in finding the place. No, none at all. They stood apart and spoke with constraint. Nancy's bosom heaved, as though she had been hastening over much. Her face was deeply colored. Her eyes had an unwanted appearance, resembling those of a night-watcher at weary dawn. She cast quick lances about the room, but with the diffidence of an intruder. Her attitude was marked by the same characteristic. She seemed to shrink, to be ashamed. Come and sit down, said Tarrant cheerfully, as he willed a chair. She obeyed him, and he, stooping beside her, offered his lips. Nancy kissed him, closing her eyes for the moment, then dropping them again. It seems a long time, Nancy, doesn't it? Yes, a very long time. You couldn't come on Sunday. I found my father very ill. I didn't like to leave home till today. Your father ill? You said nothing of it in your letter. No, I didn't like to, with the other things. A singular delicacy this, Tarrant understood it, and looked at her thoughtfully. Again she was examining the room with hurried glance. Upon him her eyes did not turn. He asked questions about Mr. Lorde. Nancy could not explain the nature of his illness. He had spoken of gout, but she feared it must be something worse. The change in him, since she went away, was incredible and most alarming. This she said in short, quick sentences, her voice low. Tarrant thought to himself that in her too, a very short time, had made a very notable change. He tried to read its significance, but could reach no certainty. I'm sorry to hear all this, very sorry. You must tell me more about your father. Take off your hat, dear, and your gloves. Her gloves she removed first, and laid them on her lap. Tarrant took them away. Then her hat. This too he placed on the table. Having done so, he softly touched the plates of her hair. And for the first time, Nancy looked up at him. Are you glad to see me? She asked, in a voice that seemed subdued by doubt of the answer. I am, very glad. His hand fell to her shoulder, with a quick movement, a stifled exclamation. The girl rose and flung her arms about him. Are you really glad? Do you really love me? Never doubt it, dear girl. But I can't help it. I've hardly slept at night and trying to get rid of the doubt. When you opened the door, I felt you didn't welcome me. Don't you think of me as a burden? I can't help wondering why I'm here. He took hold of her left hand and looked at it, then said playfully. Of course you wonder, what business has a wife to come and see her husband without the ring on her finger? Nancy turned from him, opened the front of her dress, unknoted a string of silk, and showed her finger bright with the golden circlet. That's how I must wear it, except when I'm with you. I keep touching to make sure it's there. Tarant kissed her fingers, dear. She had her face against him. Make me certain that you love me. Speak to me like you did before. Oh, I never knew in my life what it was to feel ashamed. Ashamed? Because you are married, Nancy. Am I really married? That seems impossible. It's like having drunk that I was married to you. I can hardly remember a thing that happened. The registry at Tinmouth remembers, he answered with a laugh. Those books have a long memory. She raised her eyes. But wouldn't you undo it if you could? No, no, I don't mean that. Only that if it had never happened, if we had said goodbye before those last days, wouldn't you have been glad now? Why, that's a difficult question to answer. He returned gently. It all depends on your own feeling. For whatever reason, these words so overcame, Nancy, that she burst into tears. Tarant, at once more loverlike, soothed and fondled her and drew her to sit on his knee. You're not like your old self, dear girl. Of course I can understand it and your father's illness, but you mustn't think of it in this way. I do love you, Nancy. I couldn't unsay a word I said to you. I don't wish anything undone. Make me believe that. I think I should be quite happy then. It's the hateful thought that perhaps you never wanted me for your wife. It will come again and again. It makes me feel as if I would rather have died. Send such thoughts packing. Tell them your husband wants all your heart and mine for himself. But will you never think ill of me? She whispered the words, close clinging. I should be a contemptible sort of brute. No, I ought to have. If we had spoken of our love to each other and waited. A very proper 12 months engagement, meetings at five o'clock tea, 50,000 love letters and all that kind of thing. Oh, we chose a better way. Our wedding was among the leaves and flowers. You remember the gloomy evening sunlight between the red pine and the silver birch. I hope that place may remain as it is all our lives. We will go there. Never, never ask me to go there. I want to forget. I hope someday I may forget. If you hope so, then I will hope the same. And you love me with real husband's love, love that will last. Why should I answer all the questions? He took her face between his hands. What if the wife's love should fail first? You can say that lightly because you know. What do I know? You know that I am all love of you. As long as I am myself, I must love you. It was because I had no will of my own left because I lived only in the thought of you day and night. Their lips met in a long silence. I mustn't stay past four o'clock. We're Nancy's next words. I don't like to be away long from the house. Father won't ask me anything, but he knows I'm away somewhere. I'm afraid it makes him angry with me. She examined the room. How comfortable you are here. What a delightful place to live in. Will you look at the other rooms? Not today, when I come again. I must say goodbye very soon. Oh, see how the time goes. What a large library you have. You must let me look at all the books when I have time. Let you. They're yours as much as mine. Her face brightened. I should like to live here. How I should enjoy it after that hateful grove lane. Should I live here with you some day? There wouldn't be room for two. Why, your dresses would fill the whole place. She went and stood before the shelves. But how dusty you are. Who cleans for you? No one, a very rickety old woman draws a certain number of shillings each week on pretense of cleaning. What a shame. She neglects you disgracefully. You shall go away some afternoon and leave me here with a great pile of dusters. You can do that kind of thing. It never occurred to me to ask you. Are you a domestic person? She answered with something of the old confident air. That wasn't oversight, wasn't it? After all, how little you know about me. Do you know much more of me? Her countenance fell. You're going to tell me everything. How long have you lived here? Two years and a half. And your friends come to see you here? Of course they do. I meant, have you many friends? Friends, no. A good many acquaintances. Men like yourself. Mostly men, fellows who talk about art and literature. And women. Nancy Falter, half turning away. Oh, magnificent creatures. Greek scholars, mathematicians. All that is most advanced. That's the right answer to a silly question, said Nancy humbly. We're at, Tarrant fixed his gaze upon her. I begin to think that he checked himself awkwardly. Nancy insisted on the completion of his thought. That of all the women I know, you have the most sense. I'd rather hear you say that than have a great fortune. She blushed with joy. Perhaps you will love me someday as I wish to be loved. How? I'll tell you another time. If it weren't for my father's illness, I think I could go home feeling almost happy. But how am I to know what you are doing? What do you wish me to do? Just tell me how you live. What should you do now when I'm gone? Said, disconsolate. He came nearer, thinking you were just a little unkind. No, don't say that. Nancy was flurried. I have told you the real reason. Our housekeeper says that father was disappointed and angry because I put off my return from Tinmouth. He spoke to me very coldly and I've hardly seen him since. He won't let me wait upon him. And I thought, since I know how ill he really is, then I must seem heartless. I will come for longer next time. To make amends for the reproach he had uttered in spite of himself, Tarrant began to relate in full the events of his ordinary day. I get my own breakfast, the only meal I have at home. Look, here's the kitchen. Queer old place. And here's the dining room. Cupboards everywhere you see. We boast of our cupboards. The green pane is de-re-gur. Duck's egg color. I've got to like it. That door leads into the bedroom. While after breakfast about 11 o'clock, that's to say, I light up, look at my pipe rack, and read newspapers. Then if it's fine, I walk about the streets and see what new follies men are perpetrating. And then he told of his favorite restaurants of his unfashionable club, of a few houses where, at long intervals, he called or dined of the hoity urinals of a dozen other small matters. What a life, sighed the listener, compared with mine. Won't remedy that someday. When, she asked absently. Wait just a little. You don't wish to tell your father. I dare not tell him. I doubt whether I shall ever dare to tell him face to face. Don't think about it. Leave it to me. I must have letters from you, but how? Perhaps if you could promise always to send them for the first post, I'd generally go to the letter box and I could do so always, whilst father is ill. This was agreed upon. Nancy, whilst they were talking, took her hat from the table. At the same moment, Tarant's hand moved towards it. Their eyes met and the hand that would have checked her was drawn back. Quickly, secretly, she drew the ring from her finger, hid it somewhere and took her gloves. Did you come by the back way? Tarant asked, when he had bitten his lips for a sulking in it. Yes, as you told me. He said he would walk with her into chance relaying. There could be no risk in it. You shall go out first. Anyone passing will suppose you had business with the solicitor underneath. All of her take you at Southampton buildings. In patient to be gone, she lingered minute after minute and broke currently from his restraining arms at last. The second outer door, which Tarant had closed on her entrance, surprised her by its prison-like massiveness. In the wooden staircase, she stopped timidly, but at the exit, her eyes turned to an inscription above, which she had just glanced at when arriving, surrexit e flamis, and a date. Nancy had no Latin, but guessed an interpretation from the last word. Whose little court, with its leafy plain trees and white-worn cobblestones, she walked with bent head, hearing the roar of Holborn through the front archway and breathing more freely when she gained the quiet garden at the back of the inn. Tarant's step sounded behind her. Looking up, she asked the meaning of the inscription she had seen. You don't know Latin? Well, why should you? Surrexit e flamis. It rose again from the flames. I thought it might be something like that. You will be patient with my ignorance. A strange word upon Nancy's lips. No mortal ere this had heard or confessed to ignorance. But you know the modern languages, said Tarant, smiling. Yes, that is a little French in German, the very little German. Tarant mused, seemingly, with no dissatisfaction. End chapter three. Chapter four, part three, into bondage, of In the Year of Jubilee, by George Kissing. This Librebox recording is in the public domain. Chapter four. In her brother's looks and speech, Nancy detected something mysterious. Undoubtedly, he was keeping a secret from her and there could be just as little doubt that he would not keep it long. Whenever she questioned him about the holiday at Scarborough, he put on a smile, unlike any she had ever seen on his face. So profoundly thoughtful was it, so loftily reserved. On the subject of Mrs. Damrell, he did not choose to be very communicative. Nancy gathered little more than she had learned from his letter. But very plainly, the young man held himself in higher esteem than hitherto. Very plainly, he had learned to think of the office as a burden or a degradation, from which he would soon escape. Provened by her own tormenting conscience, his sister wondered whether Fanny French had anything to do with the mystery. But this seemed improbable. She mentioned Fanny's name one evening. Do you see much of her? Not much, was the dreamy reply. When are you going to call? Oh, not at present, said Nancy. You've altered again, then. She vouchsafed no answer. There's something I think I have to tell you, said Horace, speaking as though he were the elder and felt a responsibility. People have been talking about you and Mr. Crew. What? She flashed into excessive anger. Who has been talking? The people over there. Of course I know it's all nonsense. At least he raised his eyebrows, I suppose it is. I should suppose so, said Nancy, with vehement scorn. Their father's illness imposed a restraining upon trifling conversation. Mary Woodruff, now attending upon Mr. Lord under the doctor's directions, had held a grave talk with Nancy. The Barbese father and son called frequently and went away with gloomy faces. Nancy and her brother were summoned separately to the invalid's room at uncertain times. But neither was allowed to perform any service for him. Their sympathy, more often than not, excited irritation. The sufferer always seemed desirous of saying more than the few and insignificant words which actually passed his lips. And generally, after a long silence, he gave the young people an abrupt dismissal. With his daughter, he spoke at length in language which awed her by its solemnity. Nancy could only understand him as meaning that his end drew near. He had been reviewing, he said, the course of her life and trying to forecast her future. I give you no more advice. It would only be repeating what I have said hundreds of times. All I can do for your good, I have done. You will understand me better if you live a few more years. And I think in the end, you will be grateful to me. Nancy, sitting by the bedside, laid a hand upon her father's and sobbed. She entreated him to believe that even now she understood how wisely he had guided her. Try to, Nancy, try to, my dear. Guidance isn't for young people nowadays. Don't let us shirk the truth. I've never been satisfied with you, but I have loved you and I you, dear father. I have, I have. I know better now how good your advice was. I wish far more sincerely than you think that I had kept more control upon myself, but less of myself in every way. While she spoke through her tears, the yellow wrinkled face upon the pillow within sunken eyes and wasted lips kept sternly motionless. If you won't lock at me, Stephen pursued, I will show you an example you would do well to imitate. It is our old servant, now my kindest, truest friend. If I could hope that you will let her be your friend, it would help to put my mind at rest. Don't look down upon her. That's such a poor way of thinking. Of all the women I have known, she is the best. Don't be too proud to learn from her, Nancy. In all these 20 years that she's been in my house, whatever she undertook to do, she did well. Nothing too hard or too humble for her, if she thought it her duty. I know what that means. I myself have been a poor, weak creature, compared with her. Don't be offended because I ask you to take pattern by her. I know her value now better than I ever knew it before. I owe her a debt, I can't pay. Nancy left the room, burdened with strange and distrustful thoughts. When she saw Mary, she looked at her with new feelings and spoke to her less familiarly than a want. Mary was very silent in these days. Her face had the dignity of a profound unspoken grief. To his son, Mr. Lord talked only practical things, urging sound advice and refraining now from any mention of their differences. Horace, absorbed in preoccupations, had never dreamt that this illness might prove fatal. On finding Nancy in tears, he was astonished. "'Do you think it's dangerous?' he asked. "'I'm afraid it will never get well.' "'It was Sunday morning. "'The young man went apart and pondered. "'After the midday meal, having heard from Mary "'that his father was no worse, "'he left home without remark to anyone, "'and from Camberwell Green took a cab to Trafalgar Square. "'At the hotel, Metropole, "'he inquired for Mrs. Damrule. "'Her rooms were high up and he ascended by the lift. "'Sunk in a deep chair. "'Her feet extended upon a hassock. "'Mrs. Damrule was amusing herself "'with a comic paper. "'She rose briskly, though with the effort of a person "'who was no longer slim. "'Here I am, you see, up in the clouds. "'Now, did you get my letter?' "'No letter, but a telegram. "'There, I thought so. "'Isn't that just like me? "'As soon as I had sent out the letter to post, "'I said to myself that I had written the wrong address. "'What address it was, I couldn't tell you "'to save my life, "'but I shall see when it comes back from the post office. "'I rather suspect it's gone to Gundersbury. "'Just when I was thinking about somebody at Gundersbury "'or somebody at Hampstead, I can't be sure which. "'What a good thing I wired. "'Oh, now, Horace, I don't like that. "'I don't really.' "'The young man looked at her in bewilderment. "'What don't you like? "'Why, that tie, it won't do at all. "'Your taste is generally very good, but that tie. "'I'll choose one for you tomorrow "'and let you have it the next time you come. "'Do you know, I've been thinking that it might be well "'if you parted your hair in the middle. "'I don't care for it as a rule, but in your case, "'with your soft, beautiful hair, I think it would look well. "'Shall we try? "'Wait a minute, I'll run for a comb. "'But suppose someone came, nobody will come, "'my dear boy, hardly anyone knows I'm here. "'I like to get away from people now and then. "'That's why I've taken refuge in this cock-loft. "'She disappeared and came back with a comb of tortoise shell. "'Sit down there. "'Oh, what hair it is, to be sure. "'Almost as fine as my own. "'I think you'll have a delicious mustache.' "'Her personal appearance was quiet in keeping "'with this vivacity, rather short and inclining, "'but is yet only inclining. "'To retentity, a figure, "'with a peculiarly soft and clear complexion, "'Mrs. Damrell made a gallant battle against the hostile years. "'Her bright eye, her moist lips, "'the admirable smoothness of brow and cheek and throat, "'bore witness to sound health, "'as did the rows of teeth, incontestably her own, "'which she exhibited in her frequent mirth. "'A handsome woman still, though not of the type "'that commands a reverent admiration. "'Her frivolity did not exclude a suggestion of shrewdness, "'nor yet of capacity for emotion, "'but it was difficult to imagine wise or elevated thought "'behind that narrow brow. "'She was elaborately dressed "'with only the most fashionable symbols of widowhood. "'Wings adorned her, her paw-gee, little hand, "'and a bracelet, her white wrist. "'Refinement she possessed only in the society journal sense, "'but her intonation was that of the idol-class "'and her grammar did not limp. "'There, let me look. "'Oh, I think that's an improvement, more destined gay. "'And now tell me the news, how's your father? "'Very bad, I'm afraid,' said Horace, "'when he had regarded himself in a mirror "'with something of doubtfulness. "'Nancy says that she's afraid he won't get well. "'Oh, you don't say that? "'Oh, how very sad. "'But let us hope, I can't think it's so bad as that.' "'Horace sat in thought, Mrs. Damrell, "'her bright eyes subduing their gaiety "'to a keen reflectiveness, "'put several questions regarding the invalid, "'then for a moment meditated. "'Well, we must hope for the best. "'Let me know tomorrow how he gets on. "'Be sure you let me know. "'And if anything should happen, "'oh, but that's too sad, we won't talk about it.' "'Again she meditated, tapping the floor, "'and, as it seemed, trying not to smile. "'Don't be downcast, my dear boy. "'Never meet Sorrow halfway. "'If you knew how useful, "'I have found it to remember that maxim. "'I've gone through sad, sad things. "'Ah, but now tell me of your own affairs. "'Have you seen La Petite? "'I just saw her the other evening, he answered uneasily. "'Just, what does that mean, I wonder? "'Now you don't look anything like so well "'as when you were at Scarborough. "'You're worrying. "'Yes, I know you are. "'It's your nervous constitution, my poor boy. "'So you just saw her? "'No more imprudences.' "'She examined his face attentively, "'her lips set with tolerable firmness. "'It's a very difficult position, you know,' said Horace, wriggling in his chair. "'I can't get out of it all at once. "'And the truth is, I'm not sure that I wished you.' "'Mrs. Damrell drew her eyebrows together "'and gave a loud tap on the floor. "'Oh, that's weak. "'That's very weak, after promising me. "'Now listen, listen seriously,' she raised a finger. "'If it goes on, I have nothing more, "'whatever to do with you. "'It would distress me very, very much, "'but I can't interest myself in a young man "'who makes love to a girl so very far beneath him. "'Be led by me, Horace, and your future will be brilliant. "'Prefer this young lady of Camberwell, and lose everything.' "'Horace leaned forward and drooped his head. "'I don't think you form anything like a right idea "'of her,' he said. "'The other moved impatiently. "'My dear boy, I know her as well as "'if I'd lived with her for years. "'Oh, how silly you are. "'But then you are so young, so very young.' "'With a vexation on her face, "'their blended, as she looked at him, "'a tenderness unmistakably genuine. "'Now I'll tell you what. "'I have really no objection to make Fanny's acquaintance. "'Suppose, after all, you bring her to see me "'one of these days? "'Not just yet. "'You must wait till I'm in the mood for it. "'But before very long. "'Horace looked up with pleasure and gratitude. "'Now that's really kind of you. "'Really? "'And all the rest is only pretended kindness. "'Silly boy, someday you will know better. "'Now think, Horace. "'Suppose you were so unhappy as to lose your father. "'Could you, as soon as he was gone, "'do something that you know would have pained him deeply?' "'The pathetic note was a little strained. "'Putting her head aside, Mrs. Damruel looked rather "'like a sentimental picture in an advertisement. "'Horace did not reply. "'You surely wouldn't, pursued the lady, with emphasis, "'watching him closely. "'You surely wouldn't and couldn't marry this girl "'as soon as your poor father was in his grave. "'Oh, of course not. "'Mrs. Damruel seemed relieved, "'but pursued her questioning. "'You couldn't think of marrying for at least half a year. "'Fanny wouldn't wish it. "'No, of course not. "'Well, now I think I must make her acquaintance. "'But how weak you are, Horace. "'Oh, those nerves. "'All, finally, delicately organized people like you "'make such blunders in life. "'Your sense of honour is such a tyrant over you. "'Now, mind, I don't say for a moment "'that Fanny isn't fond of you. "'How could she help being my dear boy? "'But I do insist that she will be very much happier "'if you let her marry someone of her own class. "'You, Horace, belong to a social sphere so far, "'far above her. "'If I can only impress that upon your modesty. "'You are made to associate with people "'of the highest refinement. "'How deplorable to think that a place in society "'is waiting for you and you keep longing for Camperwell. "'The listener's face wavered between pleasure "'in such flattery and the impulse of resistance. "'Remember, Horace, if anything should happen at home, "'you are your own master. "'I could introduce you freely to people of wealth "'and fashion. "'Of course, you could give up the office at once. "'I shall be taken to house in the West End "'or a flat at all events. "'I shall entertain a good deal. "'And think of your opportunities. "'My dear boy, I assure you that, "'with personal advantages such as yours, "'you might end up by marrying an heiress. "'Nothing more probable. "'And you can talk of such a girl as fanny French, "'for shame. "'I mustn't propose any gayities just now,' she said, "'when they have been together for an hour, "'and I shall wait so anxiously for news of your father. "'If anything did happen, "'what would your sister do, I wonder? "'I'm sure I don't know, except that she's... "'She'd get away from Camperwell,' Nancy hates it. "'Who knows? "'I may be able to be of use to her. "'But you say she's such a brave and learned young lady. "'I'm afraid we should bore each other.' "'To this, Horace could venture only an uncertain reply. "'He had not much hope of mutual understanding "'between his sister and Mrs. Damerle. "'At half past five he was home again, "'and there followed a cheerless evening. "'Nancy was in her own room until nine o'clock. "'She came down for supper, but had no appetite. "'Her eyes showed redness from weeping. "'Horace could say nothing for her comfort. "'After the meal, they went up together to the drawing-room "'and sat and occupied. "'If we lose father,' said Nancy, "'in a dull voice, very unlike her ordinary tones, "'we shall have not a single relative left. "'That is anything to us.' "'Her brother kept silence. "'Has Mrs. Damerle, she continued, "'ever said anything to you about mother's family?' "'After hesitation, Horace answered, "'Yes, and his countenance showed "'that the affirmative had special meaning. "'Nancy waited with an inquiring look. "'I haven't told you,' he added, "'because we've had other things to think about, "'but Mrs. Damerle's mother's sister, our aunt. "'How long have you known that?' "'She told me at Scarborough. "'But why didn't she tell you so at first?' "'That's what I can understand. "'She says she was afraid I might mention it, "'but I don't believe that's the real reason. "'Nancy's questioning elicited all that was to be learnt "'from her brother, little more than she had heard already. "'The same story of a disagreement between Mrs. Damerle "'and their father, of long absences from England "'and a revival of interest in her relatives, "'following upon Mrs. Damerle's widowhood. "'She would be glad to see you, if you'd like, "'but I doubt whether you would get on very well. "'Why? "'She doesn't care about the same things that you do. "'She's a woman of society, you know. "'But if she's mother's sister, yes, I should like to know her. "'Nancy spoke with increasing earnestness. "'It makes everything quite different. "'I must see her.' "'Well, as I said, she's quite willing. "'But you remember that I'm supposed not to have spoken "'about her at all. "'I should have to get her to send you a message "'or something of that kind. "'Of course, we've often talked about you. "'I can't form an idea of her,' said Nancy impatiently. "'Is she good? "'Is she really kind? "'Couldn't you get her portrait to show me?' "'I should be afraid to ask unless she had given me "'and they've to speak to you. "'She really lives in good society. "'Haven't I told you the sort of people she knows? "'She must be very well off. "'There can't be a doubt of it.' "'I don't care so much about that,' said Nancy "'in a brooding voice. "'It's herself, whether she's kind and good "'and wishes well to us. "'The next day there was no change "'in Mr. Lord's condition. "'A deep silence possessed the house. "'In the afternoon Nancy went to pass an hour "'with Jessica Morgan. "'On her return she met Samuel Barnby, "'who was just leaving after a visit to the sick man. "'Samuel bore himself with portentous gravity "'but spoke only a few common places, affecting hope. "'He bestowed upon Nancy's hand a fervent pressure "'and strode away with the air of an undertaker "'who had called on business. "'Two more days of deepening gloom. "'Then a night through which Nancy sat with Mary Woodruff "'by her father's bedside. "'Mr. Lord was unconscious, but from time to time "'a syllable or a phrase fell from his lips, "'meaningless to the watchers. "'At dawn Nancy went into her chamber, pallid, exhausted. "'Mary, whose strength seemed proof against fatigue, "'moved about the room, preparing for a new day. "'Every few minutes she stood with eyes fixed "'on the dying face, and the tears she had restrained "'in Nancy's presence flowed silently. "'When the sun made a golden glimmer upon the wall, "'Mary withdrew, and was absent for a quarter of an hour. "'On returning she bent at once over the bed. "'Her eyes were met by a grave, wondering look. "'Do you know me?' she whispered. "'The lips moved. "'She bent lower, but could distinguish no word. "'He was speaking, the murmur continued, "'but she gathered no sense. "'You can trust me, I will do all I can.' "'He seemed to understand her and smiled. "'As the smile faded away, passing into an austere calm, "'Mary pressed her lips upon his forehead. "'End Chapter 4'