 Oh, you want to know how he feels about you and you're thinking what can you ask him to get some clarity on how he feels about you? Well, I think the one question that cuts through all the crap is where's this relationship going? I think getting clarity on what this person envisions for a future for you gives you some clarity on how he feels about you. The challenge is if you have to ask the question where's this relationship going? Chances are you're both not on the same page. So let's dig into this a little bit. Let's dig into relationships and feelings and see where this takes us, okay? Because I think feelings are a very complicated thing for most human beings to assess for oneself is how do I actually feel about this person? You can actually have care for a person. You might like a person. You might even love a person, okay? But feelings are kind of subjective. They're not tangible. Sometimes they can be all over the map. And I think first and foremost, if you want to gain clarity, ask the question where you think this relationship is going. Now the reason why is you might start to hear things like, well, let's just take it slow. I don't want to put labels on it. I need some time. I can tell you most men who clearly know they want to explore a deeper relationship with a woman, they know it rather quickly. They do. Most men know this certainly within the first 90 days. I can tell you that most every man who's ever gotten married or lived with someone probably has said to themselves or even to their partner that they knew within the first 90 days that they wanted to go something deeper. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're in love with the person, but certainly you have a strong desire to explore something beyond the ordinary. The challenge today is that we can like, well, here's one thing. Okay, I may like the way a person makes me feel, okay? But that doesn't necessarily mean I like them in the sense I respect them. So that might sound like a contradiction, but let's explore this for a second. I know a lot of women who chase men and because they chase men, the men appreciate the validation, they appreciate the ease of getting the goodies, if you will, but that might not mean that they actually like or respect the person. They might care for them a little bit. I think it's hard to not care for another person if you've been physically intimate with someone, but certainly beyond the sex and companionship, is there a real demonstration of trust being built in this dynamic we call relationship? And what is trust? Trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at heart? Like think about that. Do they actually have your best interest at heart? Are they putting your interest equal with their own interest? I think that demonstrates a level of trust. And more importantly, that demonstrates a genuine feeling of caring about the other person. You can care for someone, but do you really care for them to the extent that you care about their feelings? You might care how they make you feel, but going that next level is I care about how they feel. I care about their feelings. And this is the challenge we're faced today. And I think this challenge is a result of absolute unclarity when it comes to the definition of relationship. I think we are so confused as a society here, particularly in the United States, because there's so much ambiguity as to what is a relationship? I would say the vast majority of people dating today are merely hooking up. Okay, now I think some women are merely hooking up with men. I think a lot of men are merely hooking up with women. I think men use the context of the word relationship as a way to reel someone in for a hookup. I do believe that. I believe we men know that if we say we want a relationship, you hear, oh, you hear angels singing in the background when you hear the man say, I want a relationship. And if he said, I want a long-term relationship, that's even grander. And if he says I want to get married, it's like the trumpets are blaring. Now, mind you, if a man says he wants to get married, if a man says he wants to get remarried, that actually is a really good sign. Given today, particularly for those in midlife who are predominantly divorced folks, they have a reservation for about getting remarried. But then again, marriage, and you know, I've certainly espoused in the last few weeks differentiating the value of marriage, but I wanna kind of explore this a little bit deeper. And again, we're gonna talk about relationships for the next few minutes is what is a marriage? A marriage is a form, okay, let's look at marriage beyond a contract with the government, okay? Because here in the United States, a legal marriage is a contract with the government, okay? But let's take that out for a moment. Let's take out the contract. What is a marriage? Marriage is a declaration, a commitment to one another. It's reciting some vows, what those vows mean to you, and both of you sharing and expressing this and making a commitment to it. Now you can do this in the context of a marriage license, but the reality is, listen, it's pretty easy to get a divorce, okay? So yes, it's hard now, a little bit harder to break up a marriage when assets are involved and children are involved, but for the most part, you can still break it up, just like you can break up two people living together, just like two people can break up if they've just only been dating for a few weeks. Ending a relationship is relatively easy, but I really wanna get to the context. See, the context is, we intentionally are choosing each other. There's an intentionality. Does it have to be wrapped up in a marriage license? Not necessarily. There are people that can do spiritual marriages, there are other forms of commitment to one another, but most importantly, there's a level of intentionality, there's an a level of expressing it to one another, and there are conversations that are had expressing, what are we doing? Where is this relationship going? Why are we doing this? See, an emotionally healthy man with good emotional IQ and good communication skills and good relationship skills, if he's genuinely serious about someone, he is going to be intentional. The challenges so many of you are finding yourselves in those ambiguous relationships because I talked about marriage and or living together. Let's talk about the vast majority of people in the dating marketplace. I believe there's over 120 million singles here in the United States, and then a population of over 330 million, that's a third of people who are single. That's a pretty big, gigantic number. Now there's a lot of people in the population that are below 18 years old, so that in a gaze, but I would say half of the adult population here in the United States is single. Now I think single might be classified as a lot of people that are in relationship, but there's no legal definition for it, so that's why they're probably in that category. Let's think about this, what is relationship? Today, I said earlier, it's hooking up. For some people, it's called situationships. What means is they're actively engaged in spending time with one another, they're having sex together without any clarity as to the definition of what they have. That's a significant percentage. Then there are those in casual relationships. That might, they might have an agreement to monogamy, they might have an agreement to exclusivity, they might have some agreements, but there's nothing stronger than that. And even then, that can be broken at a moment's notice. There's no real consequence for ending a casual relationship. And when you find yourself in a casual relationship, when you find yourself in a situation ship, when you find yourself in friends with benefits, then you're probably asking yourself, how does this person feel about me? It's that ambiguousness that creates all the confusion. And because today, for most men, they can get, it's relatively easy for men to get occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex, okay? We call this dating, occasional companionship, because it's not always frequent companionship, frequent connection, frequent sex, it's occasional. In other words, it might be a couple of times a week, okay? And then they get the benefit of autonomy. There's nothing wrong with autonomy. I think human beings desire autonomy, but those who are genuinely serious about something deeper, they approach the process differently, particularly men who genuinely want to either get remarried or they want a serious significant relationship, they act differently. You're not having to ask where this relationship is going. You're not even asking how he feels about you because there is a daily expression of feelings. The problem is today, people express their feelings in such superficial ways that it's rather uncertain at the deeper level of feelings because there's one thing to talk about it via text messaging. People are text messaging all day. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I'm thinking about you, are you thinking about me? I'm thinking about you, are you thinking about me? And all the other crap rhetoric that people communicate via their devices. But how they talk about you isn't really how they really feel about you because ultimately it's how they treat you when you're physically together, when you are physically together. And that's interesting. I watched this show called 90 Days Before the Nine, 90 Day Fiancé Before the 90 Days. And there's this couple who have been communicating via text message telephone for over seven years. And the man happens to live in Israel and she happens to live, I believe, in Tennessee. And she flies out to Israel to go see him. And they're madly in love with each other. And then all of a sudden within days, she realized he treats her rather poorly. So you can say all the words via text messaging and telephone. It's actually how you treat someone in real life that matters most. See, it is through the physical interaction that it is through the social activities, the hobbies, the mutual interest that you actually get to know another human being. See, today because of our devices, we have what's known as artificial intimacy. It's not artificial intelligence, it's artificial intimacy. We have a society that is suckling on the nipple of artificial intimacy because it's not built deep in the roots on the earth through face-to-face experiences. And because it is so easy to have casual relationships where people are not spending a significant amount of time together to genuinely get to know one another beyond the surface, that this is where all the confusion lies. So if you really wanna know how a man feels about you, coming back to what I shared in the beginning of this broadcast, it's critically important to ask what are your intentions with this relationship? See, the minute you say where's this relationship is going, you're actually giving him the power. See, think about this. And to some degree, ladies, you've all been indoctrinated to give your power away. Let's think about why I'm saying this. Okay, now there's an old saying, I didn't make this up. It's women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. And that's usually because sex these days happens before commitment. It used to be the other way around. If you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. That was the deal. Man made an agreement to commitment and you agreed to give sex, okay? Well, we certainly have changed from that dynamic in the last 50 years or so, for the most part. But men give the commitment. Men do the asking of marriage. So to some degree, you've inherently, because of this paradigm, I know many of you hate the patriarchal paradigm, if you will, but you've also adopted to it because that's the expectation. The man makes the choice of whether or not he wants to take care of you. So because of that, on some level, if you're waiting for him to make a decision, he has all the power in the relationship. And though I know a lot of women going in their own way, they say to me habitually, I don't wanna be a nurse and I don't wanna be a purse. Okay, that's you going your own way. And it's interesting, women are going their own way. In other words, there, you know what? I think to some degree, if you agree to a situation, if you agree to casual relationship, then you're agreeing that that's okay for you. If you're agreeing to no clarity, then you're basically by default saying that's okay for you. And I, you know what, ladies, that's okay. By the way, casual relationship, friends with benefits, situations, hookups, whatever you choose to do, that is okay. It is part of your journey to experience this other human being for whatever lesson you were meant to get from that experience. The problem is as many of you hold hope from a long-term perspective, and yet you're doing nothing to build the deep roots of trust. You're not an active participant because you've given your power away with the expectation that the man makes the choice of where's the relationship going. Instead of saying, what are your intentions with this relationship? Ask yourself that question first. What are my intentions in this dynamic? You know what occurs to me? If you fall in love with the man before he falls in love with you, if you get attached to the idea of long-term commitment well before he does, you know, then you're not on the same page. I would think two people arrive at that conclusion relatively at the same time. You know, it's not you got there and you're waiting for him. The minute you're waiting for him to make a decision, it's all predicated on his choices. And what many of you do is you go silent speaking your truth, asking the questions because you're afraid he'll break up with you. It fascinates me. You're all so afraid to speak your truth because it'll end a relationship with you. But all that do is prolonging the potential agony because if you're concerned that a guy wants will end a relationship because you speak your truth. It's not the right relationship. If you feel stifled, if you feel like you have duct tape over your mouth in my book, what the heck is self-love? Any way, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. Chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. And chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. When you're with the right person, you can ask those deeper questions. When you're with the right person, you're not second guessing how he feels about you. Now, you might wanna start first off with by setting an example, by expressing your feelings about this person. The problem is, what are feelings? Okay, most human beings don't really know feelings. They know the, they intellectualize feelings, but what are feelings? Okay, feelings of care. But how does that feel to you? What does care feel like for you? Does it feel exhilarating? Does it feel joyful? Does it feel happy? Those are feelings. Okay, we intellectualize feelings in many cases. And this is where the confusion lies, because what we're really trying to say is, when it comes to feelings, is how committed are you to this relationship? You know, some years ago, I had a friend, he was in a five month relationship with a woman. And he liked her, he genuinely liked her, liked spending time with her, enjoyed spending time with her. But by the fifth month, he realized, I'm not in love with this person. I'm not feeling what I think love should feel like. And he basically said to her, I'm just not feeling like I'm in love with you. And he ended the relationship. And by the way, he did the right thing. He gave it a shot, but he never got there. That happens to a lot of men and women. You give it a shot, you're trying your best, but you don't get there. That's what we're really talking about feelings, is do you feel strongly enough that you wanna pursue long term with this person? And I think that's where the confusion lies. So if you wanna change that narrative quickly, then ask, what are your intentions with this relationship? Where do you see this relationship going? It at least sparks a conversation. And in that conversation, maybe you can ascertain through the haystack, how they genuinely feel about you from a long-term perspective. Is this thinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit that notification bell. And if you wanna connect with me directly, check out the links below to schedule a free discovery call with me to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery, get my free dating vows, follow me on Instagram and all that good stuff in the link below. All right, I think this will be a great place to start to take questions. If you have a question for me, write the word question and post the question there after. Or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. It's a little dollar sign in the chat box or you can purchase a Super Thanks if you're watching the replay. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chats go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. My son who passed away a few years ago in his honor, we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and Seeds of Love, okay? So write the word question and post the question there after. All right, looks like we already have a question in the house. Lissette, ask the question. Hold on a second, Lissette. What do you think if a woman who isn't interested in marriage, I'd rather keep my life simple and without any complications. Great question. Okay, so here's my concern about not contemplating marriage. I want you to imagine you're 50 or 60 years old. You're gonna live to be 90. Do you expect to just be boyfriend and girlfriend for 30 years? I mean, at some point, aren't you going to want to live together? At some point, aren't you going to want to be each other's medical advocate in each other's lives? I would think the answer is yes. So I can understand why a lot of people today do not want to combine finances with another person. They don't want to mesh their lives 100%. And that's understandable. But I guess my point is, are you gonna do it for 30 years if you live to be 90 years old? Are you gonna do that? Or do you have a desire? Like really, I want you to sit with that. If that's okay with you, that's okay to live separately and have a relationship with someone. I'm just thinking, what's the point if you're not going to eventually be each other's medical advocate to one another in your lives at some point? That's just my perception. By the way, you can always protect assets by putting it in a trust. You can have a prenup. There are certainly ways to work around the measurement piece. But those are just some of the... So again, you can do whatever you want. That's just my perception on that. By the way, if you wanna join me live and ask a question, here's a link being posted. You wanna join me live. Okay, Sunflower has a question. How do you learn to be a good partner without practical application in dating? I think one of the things to be a good partner is to be vulnerable, to be authentic and transparent. To be vulnerable, to be authentic and transparent. I think also following the rules of the book, the four agreements, I would highly recommend the book, The Four Agreements. Be impeccable with your word. Always do your best. Remember, other people's opinions of you are their projection and don't make assumptions. These are a couple of things you might wanna live by with respects to, with respects to, what was your question? How to be a good partner. I'd certainly would do that. Hey, it looks like we have a guy in the house, Brad. Hey, how's it going, guys? Good, thank you. How about yourself? Oh, you know, hanging in there, trying to make a sense of this all. Well, how can I help you? I'm excited to have a guy on. Oh, wow. Well, you know, I always can use him helping the love department. All right, so how can I help you, sir? Okay. Yeah, so what's your interpretation of what that means? What means? Love. What's my interpretation of love? So I wanna differentiate between love and maybe I'm in love with you kind of thing. I wanna differentiate the two because I think of when I say to my son, I love you, right? You know, that means I have genuine care. I have genuine empathy. It means that you can trust me. It means that you've got my support, you know? But when I think of the words, I'm in love with you, okay? I'd say to me that means I'm here. Oops, I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. So let me break that down. I'm here means I'm present in this relationship. I'm present, okay? You matter. That means that I equally want you present in this relationship. We are important. What that means is the relationship is a separate entity. Okay? And that separate entity has value in it. You know, there's a you, there's a me, but there's a we, there's a separate entity. And I'm fully committed to this separate entity, okay? And what that means also, I've got your back. That means we're a teammate in here. You know, we're doing this together. And wait, I'm here, you matter. We're important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere. I'm fully committed to this we. I am fully committed to this relationship. And lastly, I only want you. That means I'm not going to go try to go have sex with someone else. I'm not going to try to be physically intimate with someone else. I only want you. So to me, when I say the words, I love you, you know, you can love someone and you know, love is just care. You know, you can love someone but still not be want a relationship with them or not want to marry them because you're not, you're not, I feel like there's a difference with all in. When you said, I'm all in, I want to take care of you. You know, that's really, by the way, in olden times when marriage was a man would put a cloak over a woman basically to state, this is my cloak of protection. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to protect you. You know, when I think of even the provider protector, you know, we always think of that from a financial perspective and a physical perspective, but to me, a provider of emotional support is what a provider is. I provide emotional support, but I also protect you from, you know, myself, meaning I'm the only going to make promises I can keep with you. That to me is what a provider protector is. You know, it's not about the physical world. It's about the emotional world. Is I'm going to provide my love to you through expression and I'm going to protect you if I don't, if I'm not going to live up to that, I'm going to protect you from that by bowing out. See, we always think of it as financial providing protecting, but I really do believe it means something on an emotional level beyond the physical. By the way, I took a long time to answer your question. Did I give you, did I answer your question, Brad? Yeah, you absolutely answered it. It was a good explanation, yeah. Yeah, I liked that explanation. Hey, since we have a guy in the house, there's a lot of women probably going, I wonder what this guy is thinking. So, what inspired, so do you mind if I ask you, what inspired you to follow my channel given that I mostly speak to women? Well, it was a few subject matters on there that I caught my attention. And there's this idea that, you know, we embody two energies, the feminine energy and the masculine energy. Okay. So, in a sense, I guess you can say certain of the subject matters attracted me towards your channel. Okay. And so, now those particular subject matters escapes me right now, but they were something that I was trying to find an answer to. So, do you want to, by the way, do you have something playing in the background? Maybe, yeah. Okay, just with theory. So, let's talk about this masculine and feminine, because I actually have resistance over a lot of the rhetoric in this conversation because I think in many cases, it's confusing. For example, when a woman is being ambitious, when she's being bossy, when she's being controlling, she is in her masculine, right? Okay. Yes. So, and when a man is being needy and he's being whiny and he's being dependent, he's in his feminine, right? So, I'm using two examples how it's characterized when a woman is being in her masculine, it's controlling, it's bossy, it's bitchy, and when a man is being in his feminine, it's needy, it's whiny, it's complaining. But it occurs to me that if a man was bossy, controlling, and bitchy, would you really want that? So, do you want masculine from men as well, you know? And do you want a woman who is needy, complaining, and whiny, if that's what these energies espouse to? So, my point is, I think we have so much gender division because deep down, most human beings want the same thing. They wanna be seen, they wanna be heard, they wanna be understood, they wanna be loved. That's at the core. I don't care if you have a penis or vagina, that's what I think most people want at the core. So, you know, I can understand why a lot of dating advice can be almost toxic because it pits men against women. There's just, it's nothing but, well, a lot of female coaches, basically, and this is a judgment I'm about to say, a lot of female coaches give women advice basically setting up for failure over and over again because they set that woman up for the prince charming of men. And that man doesn't exist. A man is a fallible human being just like a woman is a fallible human being. So, I think there's a lot of bad advice out there that's game-playing, like the book, The Rules. It's all game-playing tactics that temporarily might get someone hooked on you temporarily, but if people don't have good emotional maturity, good relationship skills, they're going to fail every single time. Sorry, I went on the wrong way. No, you make a good point, though, because I started, that's one thing I noticed also is that there's this exchange of energy. Like I was looking at the other day, the sign of the yin-yang. Yeah. So, if you look at it and kind of put it into a certain perspective, it's almost like a chase, in a sense. Like one energy chasing the other energy. And the other way around, and the other way around. And the other way around, exactly. So, I think in certain situations, women like to be chased, and in certain situations, men like to be chased, or have that appeal, in a sense, have that appeal where you're the proponent of the attraction. So, I kind of view it slightly differently. And by the way, you look great, Brad, according to Sherry. Glad you joined the channel to just write that comment. So, I wish we could throw the word chase out of our vernacular. And I would like to replace it with the word appreciated. See, I think deep down, being chased is usually a vanity-based emotion, okay? It's vanity, it's ego. Ego likes to be chased, because I don't have to do any work. They're doing all the work. I get to just sit back and I get to be chased. I get to be validated. But that's a very unhealthy way of doing it. And at least, if you're both doing it together, at least it's a yin and yang. But I wanna replace it with appreciated. See, what I wanna be able to be, I wanna be able to take a woman out on a date and be appreciated for it. And I want her to do the same thing so I can feel appreciated. That's the yin and yang of things, is through mutual appreciation. It's through mutual generosity, and most importantly, to be able to receive that love. Because I don't like the idea that we should ever chase it. I think it all should just be given, instead of taken. That's what chase feels like to me. You're taking something, you know? Yeah. Anyway, that's just a perception I have. Yeah, I mean, you're right, Jonathan. It's, I think it should be self-evident, if you think about it. The appreciation should be self-evident. Otherwise, it'll be some, I was thinking about that, it's like the other day and then someone was like, is it possible to have an alter ego? Oh, well, yeah. Batman did. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Clark Kent did. Diana Prince, Wonder Woman. They all have an alter ego. Well you know, let me add something to what I shared though, Brad. I said appreciated. What I also want to include is, most everybody wants attention. Like they want presence. They want your presence. They want your attention. And also because we're physical human beings, we want affection. So it's attention, it's affection and that appreciation all wrapped up in this one word called acceptance. We wanna be accepted for who we are. You know, we wanna be, you know what? Like, look it, I've got my flaws, I've got my foibles, you know, I leave the toilet seat up on occasion, I'm unhuman, you know, I sometimes say stupid things, I misspell words, I'm grammatically incorrect at times, sometimes I feel like I'm speaking like a fourth grader and other times, I feel like I'm speaking like a ninth grader. My point is, is when we're in relationship with someone, we wanna be accepted, you know, even in my humanity, if you will. Now, does that mean I wanna accept bad behavior from another human being? Absolutely not, that's where boundaries come in. And boundaries are simply what's okay and what's not okay. I think sadly today, a lot of women don't, they either have ridiculously non-existent boundaries or they have boundaries that are so ridiculously high, you gotta climb to the tallest room of the highest tower. And even then, it's not even worth that climb. So let me ask you a question since you're a man in the group speaking to hundreds of women right now. Women complain about men. What is your frustration in the dating meeting or relating marketplace? What are you frustrated with? Well, in my opinion, Jonathan, you know, you like to believe in these stories we've been told throughout history, like there's a soul made for everyone. Yeah. And so when you put those stories under a scrutinous eye, some of it don't add up because if that was true, then there would be no problem. I mean, hopefully there would be no problem of my soul might find in me in a sense of throughout all this randomness that we see within our field of view. And so, and that kind of strikes me because it shouldn't be a hard thing to find because if your soulmate is actually your soulmate, then obviously it would be self-evident. And so the fact of when you were talking about finding the perfect person or love, it shouldn't be hard. It's almost like that song. It's so easy to fall in love. It's so, so from that perspective, yeah. So I have a different opinion on it. First off, it is absolutely, absolutely easy to fall in love. All you have to do is give love. All you have to do is give love, okay? Yeah. And you can give love to a variety of different people so that's completely possible when you operate from an open heart, when you operate without our judgments and our expectations and our ego. It's actually easy, but the problem is we are human beings with personality riddled with ego and expectations and judgments and such, okay? So that's, but I wanna address the soulmate thing. So I believe you've already met your soulmate. You probably met 20 soulmates in your life. Every time you've gone on a date with a woman, that's a soulmate. They came in and taught you a lesson. They gave you something in that exchange of energy. Now, whether you learn the lesson or learn the healing from it, it's hard to say. I spoke to a woman recently that's had over 300 first dates in the last six or 10 years of her life. And I thought to myself, wow, that's a lot. And I go, yeah, she's had 300 soulmates in her life. She's had 300 opportunities to get a lesson. She just hasn't learned from those lessons, okay? Oh, okay. All right. So that's the thing I think everybody you interact with on some levels of soulmate. Now, are they your true love? That's a different story, I believe. So I did a video last this weekend about soulmates. And I do believe that soulmates are people that come in your life that give you a gift that bring you a lesson that take you to a other higher plane of consciousness. I know I just recently experienced that in my life and it was an absolute gift and doesn't mean we're going the distance. Now, does that mean I'm gonna meet my true love? Maybe yes, maybe not this lifetime, okay? But I do believe when two souls that are ready for the journey of all in a full commitment and they actually get the benefit of meeting, they actually feel a resonance with one another. They're vibrating at a, their frequency is vibrating at such a level that it just starts, it goes from this to this very quickly. I believe that exists, okay? I think it's our human personalities that cause us to trip things up, our judgments, our expectations, giving example of an expectation that's one I use over and over again. I was working with a woman who was five foot two, okay? And she said, Jonathan, I refuse to date a man under six foot two. I will absolutely not consider any man under six foot two. I swear to God, this is honest, God's truth. And I'm like, why? She goes, I feel protected by a man that tall. Now, Bruce Lee, you know who Bruce Lee was, right? Yeah, uh-huh. Okay, baddest motherfucker around at five foot six, he could kick the shit out of 20 guys all at once. He could obviously protect her, but he's only five foot six. The average Navy SEAL, who are the baddest hombres on the planet are five foot nine and a half inches. That's the average Navy SEAL. And they still kick the butt out of most anyone. So my point is, is that woman's expectations and ego is blocking her capacity to love. That's one thing. I think the other thing is most humans are so, won't have been so hurt from their past that while they might want to be loved, they're operating from a love cup that's empty. Both men and women alike. So when you're operating from an empty love cup, you can't give to another person, and maybe you want to receive, but if you can't give, you can't receive at the same time. It's an imbalanced. So I think that's what the challenges were faced with, but I think you meet your soulmates all the time. You run into souls that you connect with, because I'm sure you've met someone where you just, you clicked so easily, right? You just clicked. Yeah, exactly, yeah. That's a soulmate, that's a soulmate. Okay, all right. Well, I like the way you explained it. It brings some type of reference to it, the name in a sense, and you explained it pretty clearly and effective. Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Well, do you want to stick on for another question, or do you want to, let's see, we can open it up to if anyone else wants to jump on, but I know the ladies are really happy having a guy in the house, so if you got more to bring up, they're willing to listen. Oh, okay. Let me see, what the question that, oh yeah, that's the, I think it was in the movie, the Mel Gibson movie, or what women won't. Yeah, I remember that movie. Yeah, so Mel Gibson was able to read women's mind, and I don't know if he figured it out, what women actually want, but maybe you can ask your constituent or your audience what women actually, what women really want. So I want to answer that for myself first. So there's this, a lot of women will tell you they want a strong, confident man who's also sensitive and empathetic and that sort of thing. And men will hear that and go, well, wait a minute, why do you continually choose assholes and jerks and players and stuff? And so if this is what you want, but you're choosing the opposite, well, you're literally giving a blueprint for men to treat you like crap because there's this belief that if I treat a woman like crap, she'll come back for more, okay? Women do this to men when they put them in the friend zone, when a woman puts a man in the friend zone, this guy will be a puppy dog and do everything for that woman, but she has no intention of going any deeper with him. I think the problem is when you have wounded people in the dating marketplace, they're often attracted to wounds. So they choose jerks and players and liars and narcissists because they're actually wounded in themselves and they haven't done the inner work to heal their childhood wounds and traumas. So they're attracted to that because there's a lack of self-love within them. So the question is what do women want? Well, let's look at this at a bigger picture. What do most humans want? I said this earlier when you asked me about love. Most humans that are in a good, emotionally healthy wanna be seen, they wanna be heard, they wanna be understood, they wanna be appreciated, they wanna be cherished, they wanna be respected. That's everybody wants close to the same thing. The minute we divide it up that women want this, but ultimately what do you want most in a relationship? You want trust, you want safety, you wanna know that you can say most anything to your partner and you're gonna be accepted for who you are, that's what we want. So rather than looking at it, see this is where the challenge is, we divide this dating dynamic as men against women. Instead of how can we blend the two together and come to a common ground with one another? Here's the challenge though, Brad. When you're meeting total strangers and we know nothing about this person, we are starting at such a disadvantage because up until about a hundred years ago, most everybody whom ever mated with one another, they either knew your family, they knew your friends, you knew each other in a work environment, you knew each other from school, you knew each other from the town or village you lived in or let's even go back hundreds of years ago where you lived in a tribe, everybody knew one another. And you mostly shared the same values, you shared the same community. Now, because we're strangers, well, I'm gonna throw a judgment out here, it probably pissed off a few of the ladies. I'm gonna do that. I think women oftentimes wanna be romanced into falling in love. And this is where love bombing was invented. See, love bombing as an example by overly being romantic in the beginning, this usually men have an easy access to sex because women are craving this romance, they're craving to be chased if you will. And these days you just do a couple of dates and most guys are getting laid by the third date, it's not that much effort, you just gotta throw a little bit of compliments a woman's way. And so I'm here to say rather than romance being the driving force to a relationship, I'm here to suggest building a friendship as the driving force to a relationship and not romance. I think romance should be reserved for people who are in fully committed relationship, not as a vehicle to get into a relationship. But a lot of women, not all, but a lot have that expectation. I think men expect easy sex. We are driven by our penises a lot of times. I'm guilty of it, so you're gonna go with it. Any time I've gone on a date, I'm always thinking am I gonna get laid? As involved as I am, I still am a guy at my core. And so I think the more I respect a woman, I'm less likely to at least try on the first date. But anyway, I think what men and women want, I think at the core it's the same. I mean, wouldn't you say you wanna feel respected and appreciated and valued and like you wanna, those aren't the things you want? Of course, I mean, for me, as a man, yeah, definitely, I believe that's like you said, that's like a priority, you know? So let's see what we've got. Let's see if there's any questions that came in. One woman said, I'm not running behind a man. No, something wrote that. Cicely says, chasing is fun when you wanna keep the wrong guy away. Wait, chasing is fun when you wanna keep the wrong guy away, okay. Rad gets chased by the ladies. Do you get chased by the ladies, Brad? For some strange reason, that's actually true. What's your secret? Well, I get chased, but I don't get proper, I don't get proper, what's the word I'm trying to say, proposition, only a few times. Yeah, only a few times, but I do get chased, but when the proposition follow the chase, then it'll be appropriate. All right. So are you single right now? Are you in a relationship? Are you dating? What's your story? Well, right now, yeah. I guess you can say, I'm single, but I'm in a spiritual relationship. Oh, now the women are gonna wanna know what that is. So, I have this idea where, you know, they, well, remember I was telling you about ideas that we live by. And so another idea is called self-realization. Okay. And so I don't know if you heard the term before or if you haven't heard it before. So the self-realization part, I've been looking into what it actually all means. Like if you become self-realized, then you basically become part of the nature of reality in a sense. And so if that is true, then one wouldn't have no problem manifesting or projecting images of oneself, whether that be male or female, of bringing that into your life or being attracted by that, by your self-realization. And so, if that, like I was saying, if that's true, then the chasing part wouldn't necessarily be as prevalent as meeting, like I was saying, it goes back to the soulmate, meeting oneself in another form or a different avatar, but at the same time realizing what you were saying earlier about the strangers, that wouldn't even be the case because that reflection of oneself presenting itself in a different form would be a compliment to the self-realization aspect. So I try to think about these ideas and see if they actually have any truth to them. Sure. So, well, I appreciate you brought that up and the term self-realization or what I like to think is self-actualized is- Yeah, self-actualized. I like to think of it along the lines as having an awareness towards your divine self, your higher self. Exactly. Having an awareness of what that really is, like really connecting with your higher self, recognizing that the higher self connects with everybody else's higher self, I call that God, universal spirit, okay? So self-actualized, self-realized. So when a person is self-actualized, self-realized and they recognize that everything is happening for them and not to them, when we say that something happens to me, oftentimes that's leading into what's called victim consciousness, if it's happening to me. Instead of looking at everything is happening for you, like the ending relationship is happening for your benefit instead of your demise kind of thing as an example. So humans that are self-actualized, self-realized, recognize that we have the power of what's known as the law of attraction, that capacity to manifest things, okay? And now that doesn't mean you wave a magic wand and that there's a million dollars on your desk, but it can be visualizing abundance in your life and however abundance looks like for you because abundance means a lot of something. In addition, when you're self-actualized and you're vibrating at a higher level than a lower level, lower level people vibrate, they're usually driven by their lower chakras, they're driven by sex and money and oftentimes at a lower base chakra level. When you're operating at a higher chakra level and you desire a soulmate or you desire a partner in your life, it's not about going out and finding it, it's being open to both attracting and letting it in your life. So when you meet someone and your heart is open and you meet someone else's heart is open and there's both physical attraction, you feel an affinity for that other person, you feel a resonance with that other person and then you explore this thing called relationship. And again, because we have so many humans running on such a variety of different programming, sadly, most humans are programmed to this. They are so connected with this device that it actually disrupts your ability to manifest because the electromagnetic waves here are blocking the electromagnetic energy that we put out. And so many people are so connected to this that they're not connected to this. And when a human begins to truly get connected with their heart and they practice, they practice forgiveness on a daily basis, they practice healing on a daily basis, they practice meditation, they practice tools to regulate their emotions, their heart starts to vibrate at a level, electromagnetically speaking to someone else's vibration. And you don't have to go look for it. It actually, the two people start to move towards one another. It's like a magnetic type of force. I believe that exists, but it takes a lot of curculean work to get there. I see, yeah, you can make a good point, yeah. Well, Brad, it's been an absolute pleasure to have you on. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, the ladies loved it. Ladies, did you like having Brad on? Please make a comment below. If you have a question for Brad, ask a question. I'm sure you'll hang out for a few more minutes am I right? Yeah, so how do I see the question? You're a high vibration guy, by the way. Oh, thank you. I used to live in Minnesota. She says Brad is high vibrational, there's a breath of fresh air. Look at, you're already making fans here. Oh, well, that's great. I'm glad I'm meeting like minds. So, so Winnie just asked, what is Brad looking for? And I wanna piggyback on something you said a moment ago. You know, most humans are seeking a transactional or conditional relationship. And what I heard from you is what I think you're seeking is either a spiritual partnership or what in the book of the course of the miracles they call it a holy relationship. And what that means is most people are operating from a desire to have what's called a special relationship to be like, I'm better than everyone else kind of thing. And a holy relationship is really a relationship where you're both committed to the exploration of individual growth for one another. And I suspect, is that what you meant earlier? The type of relationship you're looking for? Yeah, that's exactly what I meant. It's to connect on a deeper level and see how the relationship can progress. Because like he was saying with the telephone, it's been a lot of programming throughout human history. We got so many stories, it's unbelievable how many stories that how this life story have played out at certain points in time or reference points. The culture lives a certain way, they value certain things and throughout the time reference that each culture changed the way they live, what they value. So just starting from a clean slate and getting to know one another from a, I would say a open-minded, clear heart and just a genuine nature to get to know one another on a deeper level. So I can say that's more of a spiritual aspect to me in a sense, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I like that. Hey, I have a, I mean, Kimberly asked a question, I was hoping maybe you could answer this question. Would you be up for it? Sure. She writes, why would a guy pursue you after you ended things saying he wants something serious only to not make plans to see you and then he pulled back with texting? So why would a guy pursue you, say he wants to be serious but then pulls back and only texts with you? Do you have any thoughts on why that might happen? You there? Oh yeah, I was just reading it again. Oh, oh, got it, got it, got it, got it. So I will say that, first of all, maybe that guy wasn't meant for you. I mean, if, if mathematically speaking, if that scenario played out, then that guy wasn't meant for you. I mean, because what you were saying about true love, if true love is meant to be, then true love will be. Yeah. Yeah, so the fact that that whole situation played out like that, then get that mathematically speaking, it wasn't meant to be. Yeah, you know, you've heard the phrase, he's just not that into you, right? Yeah. And I think what that means though, is I like you, but B-U-T, but I like you, but. I don't see myself going the distance with you. So I like you when it's convenient for me. I like you at my beck and call. I like you on my terms. That's what I think that means. He's just not that in you. He likes you enough, but when a man is genuinely into a woman, you don't doubt it as a woman. You're not doubting where this relationship is going. It's already evident by how he shows up. And I'm assuming you're that kind of guy. Women with you don't have to doubt where this relationship is going, because you show up intentional in the process. Am I right? Oh, you're 100% right. Yeah, it's like, I come to find out. I was like, you know what? If you're gonna have, I'm gonna use this term, faith. If you're gonna have faith in a relationship and you're the one that's projecting the faith and the other person is not projecting the faith, then it probably wouldn't work out. Yeah. So here's our last question. Then we're gonna wrap up for the evening. So Kimmy says, Brad, what do you think about a guy ending the relationship on Valentine's Day and now wants to start calling me again? So I guess he ended it back in February, but now he's calling you again. Do you have any ideas of why that is? Maybe the guy figured out that he maybe made a mistake and lost something that he's starting to see as a value now. Yeah, so I think why a guy would end a relationship on Valentine's Day, he didn't want the pressure of what that represents. That would be my assumption there. I think a lot of people, I don't think they value what they, I think a lot of people believe that when they miss someone, it's usually from an unhealthy place and that they chase what they're missing. So they believe that they, because they're missing someone, what I believe from an unhealthy place that they value that person and they re-engage with that person. What I have found time and time again though is they only temporarily seek that person's connection, but it rarely ever works out, okay? They're doing it for their own attachment issues because if you value a person and appreciate them, you would never end a relationship with them. You ended it because you didn't value and appreciate it and just because you miss them doesn't mean you value and appreciate them. All you did was value and appreciate how you temporarily felt, but you didn't even strongly feel enough to be valuing and appreciating them. So I think coming back to Kimmy's question, be careful being sucked in because this usually ends, it always ends because unless the person has done some work to really identify why they wanted to end the relationship and remedy the why, they're just gonna repeat a pattern over and over again. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, that's a good point. Hey listen, my friend, thank you for being on. I really, all the women loved you. Ladies, if you thought Brad was awesome, give them a thumbs up, say Brad, we love you. Amen, Brad, all that good stuff. Send him some love right now, send him a hug because we really appreciate a guy in the house. Oh wow, I'm glad I was able to join this group. This is pretty awesome. Mimi says you're cute, wait, Mimi says you're cute. So you've already got some, let's see, Holly says we hope we see you again, Gigi says that as well. So you got a lot of love coming your way, Brad. Oh, thank you, thank you, ladies. All right, thanks, buddy. All right, thanks a lot, Jonathan. Take care, Brad. Oops, sorry, I cut them off. Wow, that was a lot of fun. Brad, we love you, you're adorable. That's coming out. Wink, wink, Brad. I love Brad as a guest speaker. That was just an improv to joining us. Sherry says Brad's a doll. Folks, I want you to know something. There are a lot of good men out there. There's a lot of good men. It's raining good men. There are an abundance of men like Brad out there who genuinely want to be in relationship from a heart-centered level. I think every time you doubt it, you're taking, every time you doubt there's a good man out there, it adds 100 days to you not attracting what you want. So I'm hoping that scares you enough to go, maybe I should reframe my thinking and just like Brad was talking about manifesting, I invite you all to start saying it's raining great men. It's raining great men. It's raining great men, just like Brad and maybe you think of myself in that category as well. If you want to know how a man feels about you, ask him where this relationship is going. That's a good way to get a sense of how this person feels about you because it's an opportunity to discuss the merits of a relationship and that's a good way to get it started. Hope you found value in this conversation. If you did, please post a comment below. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit that notification bell. And if you want to connect with me directly, hit the links below to schedule a discovery call to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to get my dating vows to check out all the books I recommend. And again, I hope you found value and I'd like to hear from you. If this was valuable to you, say thank you, Jonathan in the comments or in the chat comment section below. And we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off. Give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet. Teddy bear a pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Brian for being in the house and Sherry and Smashee and one of our Facebook members. And Sandra says hi to Brad and Holly says thank you and Kimberly's in the house and Tay Young and Michelle and Alexa and Deanna. And I'm butchering names, so please forgive me. Everyone, thanks so much. Have a fab evening. You be well. Bye now.