 Use your head, say no hair, you bitch! Is your shampoo doing right by you? Yes, is your shampoo doing right by you? Well, my shampoo lathers all right, but it doesn't remove my dandruff. I've tried one shampoo after another. They all suds up and rinse out, but I still have dandruff. If your shampoo is letting you down, when it comes to removing dandruff, switch to Fitch. Fitch is dandruff remover shampoo. It's guaranteed to remove all dandruff. Medical authorities say there are two kinds of dandruff. One is loose and flaky. It's the unsightly kind. The other clings to the scalp. It's the invisible, irritating kind. If your present shampoo is doing only half the job, removing only part of your dandruff, remember, Fitch removes both kinds completely. So be free of unsightly dandruff. Be free of invisible, irritating dandruff. Yes, be free of all embarrassing dandruff. Fitch is the only shampoo who's guaranteed to remove dandruff with first application, is backed by one of the world's largest insurance firms. So switch to Fitch. At drug counters, barber and beauty shops, ask for Fitch's dandruff remover shampoo. Fitch Shampoo does right by you. The F.W. Fitch company makers of Fitch Shampoo presents the Fitch bandwagon written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Janine Roos and Whitfield, Robert North, Walter Sharpe in his music and starring Alice Faye and Phil Harris. For weeks now, the Harris children like children all over the world have been thinking of nothing with Christmas and Santa Claus. They've been on their best behavior. And as we look in, we find Alice complimenting the children on their good deportment. Now you've been particularly good, Alice. You've gone to sleep early. You've put all your toys away. You've finished all your food at mealtime and you drink all your milk. Gee, I've been a regular little angel, haven't I, mommy? Oh no, no, let's not go that far. As for you, honey, you've been just as good as Alice. You two have been going to bed early, putting your toys away and eating all your food. The only thing is, you haven't been drinking all your milk. Well, I tried too, but you know how that stuff gags me. LAUGHTER Why, Phil, I'm talking to little Phyllis. Where is she? She was here a minute ago. She went into the den, mommy. I'll get her. I'll picture on the wall. We gotta be good till Christmas. But I've been good for three weeks and to be so good. Alice, it's an awful strain. I know, but it's only four more days. Don't crack up now. He always says it ain't been easy, Buster. Yeah, what are you two doing? Oh, being here, being good, ask a favor. We'd like to stay up and see Santa Claus when he brings the presents on Christmas Eve. Yeah, well, but honey, he has a lot of other stops to make and, well, he might get here very late. Oh, can't we, Daddy, please? Well, uh, okay. Now, you kids continue to behave yourselves and I promise that you'll see Santa on Christmas Eve. Now run along and play. Thanks, Daddy. Gee, I can hardly wait for Christmas Eve. Phyll, why did you promise the children that? Now if they don't see Santa, they'll be very disappointed. But they're gonna see him. Just to make sure I'll dress up like Santa and come down the chimney. They won't be able to tell me from the real one. Yes, dear. Alice, I still can't figure out how they knew it was me last year. What did I do that was wrong? Well, for one thing, you were supposed to come in singing jingle bells. I did. But those lyrics, I can still hear them. Ham, hawks, and turnip greens, they melt right in your mouth. I can't eat yams, I don't have any grits, and that's what I like about the South. Yeah! What's wrong with those lyrics? That isn't the way we sing it up North. Can I help it a few Yankees don't know the right word? You don't think I can play St. Nick? We'll get somebody else to do it. I wonder why the girls are so anxious to see Santa Claus. Phil, do you suppose? Gee, I hope not. Hey, Alice, look, we just got to produce a Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. Well, don't worry about it, Phil. Well, I got to worry about it. Somebody's got to worry about it. It's important. I got to think of something. Now, let me concentrate. If I think hard enough, something will come out. Good morning, Philip. For this, I have to concentrate, sir. Philip, are you in pain? You have such a strained expression on your face. I'm thinking. Now, if you want to talk to me, come back later. I got a thought running through my mind. I'll wait. Through your mind, it's only a short dash, and it won't take long. Get a load of this red skeleton of Encino. Look, don't bother me, Willie. I'm trying to think so that we've got to get somebody to play Santa Claus for the kids on Christmas Eve. And we want to get someone who looks and sounds like the real thing. Well, if that's your problem, you needn't look any further. I shall be glad to portray Christopher Kringle. Christopher? Well, Donner, my blitzer. Christopher, find Santa Claus you'd make. I'd make an excellent one. I'm quite an actor, you know. I can see myself popping out of the chimney, bounding into the living room and saying, ho, ho, ho. And a merry Christmas to you little kitties. And what do you, wee darlings, desire as a yuletide memento? Thank you, Catherine Cornell. Look, get lost, index. Go make a double entry, sir. Well, I guess I'm not wanted around here, so. Oh, wait, now, wait. Don't take it to heart, Willie. You're not a bad guy. You're always trying to do the right thing. Do you really think so, Philip? Yeah. It ain't your fault that you're a schnook and don't know how. Very well, Mr. Harris. I'll leave and let you do things your own blundering way. Goodbye, Alice, dear. And to think she could have married Rudy Valley. There goes a cute little character. He has all the charm of live bait. Hey, look, Alice, seriously, what are we going to do? Now, we're going to have to get someone for the kids who look like Santa, and I, hey, wait a minute. I got just the guy, Don Wilson. Oh, Phil, Don would be perfect. He's jovial. He has a cheery face, and he's routine. Yeah, and he's fat, too. Hey, honey, why don't you call Don and see if he can come over Christmas Eve. All right, I'll call him right now. Yeah. Gee whiz, the children never have seen Don, and they can't possibly recognize him. I can hardly wait to see how the kids react on Christmas Eve. You know, there's something wonderful about watching a kid on Christmas, waiting for Santa, and listening for those jingle bells. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Passing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh. Or the fields we go, laughing all the way. Bells on poppy ring, they're making spirits bright. What fun it is to ride and sing a slaying song tonight. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Hey, oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. A day or two ago, I thought I'd take a ride. And soon Miss Alice Stay was seated by my side. The horse was lean and lank, misfortune seemed his lot. He got into a drifted bank and we got up soft. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, ringing, daily singing, merrily we go. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. We're screaming, oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey, as to ride an open sleigh. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride one horse open sleigh. Don can make it. You know, he's going to be terrific at Sandy Claw's because of, uh-uh, that must be Frankie. Hi, Curly. Hi, Frankie. Come on in. Yeah. Hey, what have you got in all those packages? Christmas presents. I got some things for the kids, Alice. And here's something for you, Curly. For me? You got a present for a little Curly headed me. Frankie, that's sweet of you. I don't know what to say. That's all right, Curly. But the thought, gee, you don't know how I appreciate it. Well, it touches me deeply. You're going to get sloppy about it. I'll take it back. I appreciate it, Frankie. But well, I didn't want you to go out and spend a lot of money on me. I didn't. I spent most of my money on the kids. After all, Christmas is for them. Where's Alice? Oh, she's inside calling Don Wilson. You see, the kids want to see Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, so we're asking Don to play it. Why are you getting Don Wilson to play Santa? Well, what else am I going to do? Well, let him stay up and see the real Santa Claus. Yeah, but I don't know what time he's coming. Did you say something? Why don't you let the kids see the real Santa Claus? Move over, Frankie. You'll get some of that stuff on me. Get on. You're another one of those cynics, huh? Wise guy who don't believe. You do? Of course. You know, just because you've never seen him don't mean he's not there. You must realize, Curly, there are some things in life that are inexplicable. Psychic phenomena that are ethereal and beyond the comprehension of we mere mortals. What was that? What's the matter? Did I say something vulgar? No, Curly, you can take my word for it. The real guy will show up. OK, OK, Remly, stop with that. All I got to say is the good thing kids have more common sense and faith than most grown-ups. Christmas wouldn't be much fun. I know that on Christmas Eve, old Saint Nick and his reindeer come flying through the scarf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you mind if we have somebody stand by just in case Santa's forced down with a low fog over Burbank? All right, all right, scarf, if you will. I'll drop over Christmas Eve. Then maybe you'll sing a different tune. Goodbye, infidel. That Remly, I don't know what to think about. Phil, I called Don, but he can't make it. However, he said he has a lot of active friends, and he'll send one of them over. But he said we'd have to pay the act of $10. So what? $10. It'll be worth it to make the kids happy. Hey, honey, did Don say he could get someone positively? Yes, Phil. He said he was sure he'd get someone. Yes, your hope so, because it's very important. Hey, if anything had go wrong, I don't know what I'd do. Phil, please stop worrying. It's still three days till Christmas Eve, and if you keep this up, you'll drive yourself baddie. And for three days, Phil worried. Now as we look in on the Harris home, it's Christmas Eve. Phil is downstairs trimming the tree and impatiently awaiting the arrival of Santa. Alice is upstairs reassuring the children that he'll be there. Clock already in Santa isn't here yet. Gee, Mommy, do you think maybe he isn't coming? Oh, don't fret, girls. Of course he's coming. So you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. He's making a fist, shaking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice. Santa Claus is coming to town. He sees you when you're sleeper, he knows when you're awake. He knows if you're bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes. Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. He'll be riding with his reindeer in a great big open sleigh, with a great big bag of presents, and he'll give them all away. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows if you're bad or good, so be good for goodness sakes. Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. Now Santa only shows up when it works. Phil, Phil, I was just upstairs with the children. Oh, Phil, the tree looks beautiful. Yeah. Hey, honey, how are the kids? Are they impatient? They'll be all right. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas, Frankie. Hey, Merry Christmas. Hey, Frankie, what do you got there? Milk and crackers for Santa Claus. I put them on a mantel form every year. Hey, where's the kids? Oh, they're upstairs waiting for Santa. Yeah, and I'm waiting too. When is the guy going to show up? It's after 10 already. Be patient, Curly. He's got a long trip from the North Pole. Besides, his reindeer ain't as young as they used to be in a city. Keep quiet. I'm paying the guy $10, you'd think he'd get here on time. This sub-diffusion is also unnecessary. Hey, hey, there's a door. That must be Santa now. I'll let him in. I'll go with you, honey. OK. Well, Merry Christmas. Well, Don Wilson happened to mention that you were paying $10 for a Santa Claus. I had an old pair of red flannels lying around. Jackson, hey, since when do you have to go around playing Santa Claus for money? You don't begrudge me a guess shot once in a while, do you? Well, I only have one show, you know. Pick up a little like, oh, hello, Frankie, Merry Christmas. Don't Merry Christmas me, you imposter, you. Ah, fine look at Santa Claus. I think I make a very good-looking Santa Claus in my red suit with a pillow under it for a stomach. I think you look ridiculous. Look at your costume. It's bagging at the knees. That's my stomach. It keeps slipping. Hey, Jackson, I want you to know it's sure nice of you to do this for us, but, well, hey, look, Frankie's right. You don't look exactly like Santa Claus. You sure don't. Look at that white beard. Where did you rent that morpheten thing? It's not rented. I was playing gin rummy with Marty Woolley, and I won it. But you like me as Santa Claus, and I just won the wall. Pay no attention to these two, Jack. I think you make a wonderful Santa Claus of paying you. Phil, give Jack the $10. OK, here you are, Jackson. Thanks. Plus, we'll get a kick out of this. I'll go call it. And Jack, try to convince her you're really Santa Claus, huh? Little Phyllis? Phil, I thought I was doing this for your benefit. If it's for little Phyllis, I wouldn't think of taking money. No, no, no, no, it's always a deal. Oh, please don't embarrass me. For the kid, I wouldn't think of taking the $10. Well, if you insist. $750 is plenty. What kind of a heel do you think I am? Well, Phil, I'm sweet of you, Jackson, to play Santa Claus for my two kids. Oh, two kids? Well, look, Phil, I can't take any money at all for this. Tell you what, if you want it, you can buy me a little something for Christmas. Like what? Anything that Alice can afford. I don't think so. OK, look, Jackson, the kids will be down in a minute to see Santa, and it's very important that you make them think that you're the real McCoy. Now, do you think you can act the part? Oh, I shouldn't have any trouble, Phil. You know, I have great histrionic ability. Yeah, but you're such a lousy actor. What? This impersonation is preposterous. Santa Claus won't like this. Come along, children. He's right in here. Well, there he is. Gee, Santa Claus. Hello, Santa. Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas, and hello again. This is Santa Claus talking. Come here, chiller, and tell me how you like old Santa. We like you fine, Santa. You're just like we pictured you. Yes, you're jolly, and you have a nice, bad tummy. But what? Well, isn't your tummy awful long? That's the new look, kiddies. I'm wearing it four inches lower this year. Well, kids, are you happy to see Santa? Gee, doesn't he look good? He sure does, Daddy. He looks kind of old. I am, little girl. After all, I'm Santa Claus. I've lived for hundreds and hundreds of years. How old are you? 38. Thank you, Santa. Yeah, thanks. Well, I'll be seeing you next year. Merry Christmas to all and all a good night. Up dancer, up prancer, up Donner and Blitzen. Ho, ho, ho. And away. What do you think of Santa Claus? I like him. I like him, but I was a little disappointed. Why? I expected him to take out his violin and play love in bloom. You mean you kids know it was Mr. Banny? Sure, but we didn't want to say anything and hurt his feelings. Daddy, what is the real Santa coming? Well, well, you see, honey, he'll be here soon, kid. Oh, Frankie. Listen, children, listen to me. Now, he has a lot to do, and he may be very late. So I'll tell you what? I'll tell you a Christmas story, and then maybe you'll run off to bed, huh? Well, all right, Daddy, but we wanted so much to see him. All right, honey, maybe next year he's busy. Now, look, you sit up on my lap, and I'll tell you the story. You ready? It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were net. Hey, I thought I heard sleigh bells. No, I didn't. The children were nestled all snug in their beds while visions of sugar plums danced through their heads. Alice, what are those bells? What's the? Quiet, Curly. Merry Christmas, Santa. Frankie, who are you talking to? I don't see anybody. The kids do. Look at him. Gee, Santa, we knew you'd come. They couldn't fool us with any make-believe Santa Claus. We were waiting just for you. Oh, sure. We've been very good girls. Lovely dollhouse. Thank you. And all these things are for me to wait till morning. Thank you very much. And a merry Christmas to you, too, Santa. Of course, we'll tell them. I don't get it. I heard it, but I didn't see him. Of course you didn't. He sure is a nice-looking old gen. Alice, did you see him? I'm not sure, Phil. I almost thought I saw him standing there. But Alice, how could it be? If he was standing there. Phil, what are you staring at? That spot on the rug there. Alice, it's snow. Well, you know about the new look in fashion. Well, there's a new look in hair beauty, too. Yes, women everywhere are achieving that look of softer, shinier hair with a marvelous new product, Fitch Cream Shampoo. This wonder-working shampoo is made with two beneficial beauty aids, Lanolin and Olive Oil. Lanolin is used to soften the hair, to leave it smooth and caressible. Olive Oil is used to bring out sparkling highlights, to accent the glowing radiance of your hair. Fitch Cream Shampoo is so easy to use. A small dab quickly whips into a fragrant, creamy lather that thoroughly cleanses hair and scalp. Then just rinsed with plain water and every bubble of suds is gone. After shampooing, you'll find your hair stays in place. It stays soft and it stays shining as though it had been brushed and brushed and brushed. Fitch is economical, too. Compare the size of the jar, compare its low cost at drug or toilet goods counters by Fitch Cream Shampoo for that flattering new look of softer, shinier hair. Children, kids, hey, come here a minute. Look, Santa said something to you and you said, yes, we'll tell him. What did he say? He told us to be sure and wish you and Mommy a merry Christmas. Now, wasn't that sweet, Oven? Now, girls, you're all tucked in. You've seen Santa and you have everything you want. So go right to sleep. Good night. Good night. Good night, babies. Yes, dear. Go to sleep. This is Phil Harris, the FW Fitch company. Alice and I and our entire cast want to thank all of you so much for listening to our show and wish you the best Christmas you've ever had. Good night. Girls, for softer, shinier hair, use Fitch's new Cream Shampoo. It's made with both lanolin and olive oil. Lanolin to soften, olive oil for sparkling highlights. Try Fitch Cream Shampoo, Bill Forman speaking.