 Red Hot, week number two, are you ready? Family, marriage, and relationships. And we've already had crazy couple services last night and this morning, and we're looking forward to this 11 o'clock session, 11, 15 at Portage. Come on, can we put our hands together and welcome those online and at Portage? We're so glad to be with you. And again, I just wanna reiterate, the goal of Red Hot is to find answers in God's word. It's not just opinions, it's not just us guessing. God's word has answers for every aspect of our lives. And so we're gonna do the best that we can. We're gonna take your Red Hot questions on the spot, on the fly, try and find God's word for that and hopefully answer as many as we can this morning. So let's go ahead and jump in. I know that we've already got some questions in a queue. Do you have to love your family even if they don't follow the same sports teams as you? Yes, we believe, yes, you do. Unfortunately, sometimes, because my family loves the Detroit Lions, like my grandfather and my dad always loved the Lions. And all that does is reiterate to me that we are a family of faith because we're believing for the impossible on a pretty regular basis. But there's one person in my family that I really struggle with and I don't know that we can reconcile. It's because he likes Ohio State Buckeyes. And I mean, there's just, most things can be forgiven but the unforgivable, the unpardonable sin, Jesus mentioned it, is actually liking Ohio State. So they're actually apostates. So okay, so let's jump into some real questions. This is David from Richland. Our nephew is going to marry his partner and he knows that we are believers and don't agree. Can we go to the wedding without sending a mixed message? And so I'm assuming that when we're talking about the nephew and partner, we're talking about a gay marriage or a gay couple that are getting married. And this is brand new for most of us because just over the last few years, we've seen the advent of marriage that has opened up to more than just men and women. It used to be, that wasn't even an issue. So you had things like civil unions or unrecognized marriage relationships or partners. Now, people that are gay can be married recognized by the state. What is the stance of Christians? How should we respond to that? Well, let me just say that there is no chapter in verse that says you should or you should not do or go to a marriage like that. Let me give you what the Bible does say though. Number one, the Bible has a lot to say about what marriage is supposed to be from God's perspective. Marriage is not something that human beings created. Marriage was God's intention, it was God's idea. It was in response to when he created everything, Genesis chapter one and Genesis chapter two, when God created everything, he said it is good. So everything he created, he said was good. When he got to man and mankind, he created Adam or Adam. He said it is not good. The only thing that God says was not good was Adam in an alone state. So what God did was God then created woman out of Adam as a compliment and God's solution to everything that man was lacking relationally. And so God's pretty good at knowing what we need. And so he created from Adam woman and it says in the two became one flesh. God performed the first wedding and performed the first marriage and he set a precedent in the very beginning about what his intentions were and what was good and what was healthy and what was going to satisfy. So marriage isn't something that we mess with because God created it. Now, the state and the governments can issue license to whoever they want to but that doesn't mean that God sanctions it. And marriage in the sight of the state is actually a contract that two people come to terms and it's a contract that can be dissolved. Marriage in the eyes of God is a covenant in which God takes two individuals and makes them one. Now, because of that, we have to think about what does the Bible have to say about homosexuality? What does it have to say about gay relationships? We know that we live in a day and age where a lot of people are very open about that. It wasn't, it used to be that it was hidden. It was always there, but it was hidden. Now that it's so public and it's out there, how do we respond to that? Well, number one is believers, we subject our lives to God's word. We don't hate people. We don't demonize people. We know that every human being is flawed and broken because of sin and we all have our own sin issues. Okay, you may read something like a gay couple and think to yourself, well, that's so wrong. And it's like, well, yeah, it's wrong but it's also not any more wrong than a whole lot of other things that we could list off that maybe you and I are tempted by. Human beings need Jesus because we are flawed and broken individuals. Jesus didn't come to make good people better. Jesus came to make broken people whole and we are all broken people, okay? But yet in the same token, it lists off some things. It lists off some things that from God's perspective are missing the mark, which means sin. And listed in there is a category called sexual immorality. Sexual immorality covers adultery, sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman and homosexuality and all kinds of other sexual things that are outside the bonds of a covenant marriage. Gay marriage may be recognized by the state but it is not something that God recognizes because homosexual behavior, listen to me, homosexual behavior is not sanctioned or blessed or approved by God. That doesn't mean that God rejects people that would classify themselves as gay. God loves gay people, God loves straight people, God loves old people, God loves young people, God just loves people because God when he looks at you does not identify you, your identity in the eyes of God is not determined by your sexual preferences. It's determined by the fact you were created in the image of God and you were made to have a relationship with God and be a follower of Jesus Christ. That's your destiny. The world that we live in wants to put identities in people, so all that's to say, if you and I as Christ followers submitting our lives to God's word and God's order, we find ourselves in opposition. We find ourselves in a very awkward position where people that we love, people that are family members who may not be Christians or may call themselves Christians are gay and they're getting married, how do we respond to that? I wanna just read some words that Jesus said, Matthew chapter 10, verse 34. These are Jesus's words and in some of your Bibles they'll be in red letters. Do not think that I have come to bring peace on the earth. I have not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father and a daughter against her mother and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law and a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me and whoever does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. Let me just clarify something. When Jesus said I came to bring a sword, he's not talking about violence, that's not what he means. He's making reference to a sword because a sword is an instrument that brings a clean division and he's talking about relationships that in the process of following Jesus, there are going to come occurrences and it's not just in situations like this where your devotion and allegiance to God and to his word and to truth is going to put you in a position where other people that are maybe biological family are gonna be at odds with you because of the decisions that you make. And that's why Jesus said you gotta be willing to lay down, you gotta be willing to humble yourself and put some things down because of the convictions that you hold. So that's the theological answer. Let me give you the practical answer. I don't believe that I could attend a gay marriage not because I don't love some gay people. There are some people who would hear me say that and would say, well, Pastor Lee is just homophobic. That's absolutely not true. I know several gay people and you know what? They're very kind, they're wonderful people, very talented people. My best friend or one of my closest best friends in high school and in the college was openly gay and he really wanted to serve God and we had a strong relationship. When he felt like everybody else turned their back on him, I was very close to him. So listen, there's a distinction between the activity of having gay sex and actually being a person that struggles with same sex attraction. Just in the same way that somebody can be married and struggle with a desire and find other people attractive. They don't act on that because that becomes adultery but that doesn't mean that they don't recognize that. And so because of that, because the Bible's so adamant and if you're wondering what the Bible says about homosexuality, Leviticus 18, Leviticus 20, Romans one, 1 Timothy chapter one, 1 Corinthians chapter six and also probably in Jude and that's just the New Testament. Bible has a lot of things to say about that. God said that there's a lot of reasons the fall and brokenness have caused a lot of our sexual dysfunction and brokenness but Jesus came to redeem us from our sexual sin and our brokenness. I could not go to a gay marriage, number one, because I don't believe that God sanctions it. Number two, I would feel like I was sending a mixed message. And number three, here's the biggest challenge of our day. I want you to hear me on this because in our time, we're hearing a lot about tolerance. Okay, we have to be tolerant people. And in our day, if you don't celebrate somebody then you're actually being intolerant but that is not the classical definition of tolerance. Tolerance says, I love you, I recognize your value, you're a human being, you're entitled to have all the rights that any other citizen in our Democratic Republic has but I disagree with you. And just because I disagree with you does not mean that I hate you. It is possible for you to disagree with people. It is possible for you to be a Christ follower, say to somebody, you know what? Your view and my view on marriage are difference. And I am going to honor you and I want the very best for you. I'm gonna be kind for you. I'm not going to call you names, I'm not gonna isolate you but I just out of conscience cannot come. And my hope is that the other side of tolerance with them say to you, well, I recognize that you're a devout follower of Jesus and these are convictions of yours. And I love you as well. And so, A, maybe I'm not gonna put you in the position where you have to and B, if you say because your conscience is violated by doing that, I'm gonna respect that in you. Because out of our tolerance, we actually become intolerant. It's possible in our culture that tolerance becomes a litmus test that we actually use to be intolerant of people that disagree with us. I can disagree with somebody who's a Muslim. I have some people that I know in my life they're devout Muslims and you know what? We disagree on who Jesus is but they're good people and they're sincere people. We just have a difference. I'm not saying I hate you. I'm not Islamophobic because I disagree with you because I believe in objective truth, number one. I believe that there isn't your truth and my truth. I believe that if there is a God and he's the creator and there is an earth that is creation and human beings were created in his image, I believe that there is something called truth and if there is something called truth, that means we either stand on this side of it and are right or we stand on this side of it and we are wrong. And the reason I believe that Jesus and the Bible are the way, the truth and the life is he's the only one who went to the cross, died my death and then defeated death by being raised again. The resurrection is the lynchpin upon which I base my life. So I would encourage you and this is a long answer but I would encourage you to be kind, be gentle, be loving, express your feelings wholeheartedly and even if they reject you and say, well we can't be friends anymore, you still be loving, you still be kind, you still be gentle, you still be generous and humble in the eyes of those people but we're living in days where if you're gonna be a follower of Jesus Christ, you're gonna suffer persecution and guess what, if you don't like the discomfort of having to take stands on things, then it's gonna be hard for you to follow Jesus in a whole lot of areas in the world that we're living in. It's a big question, let's move on to the next one. I have an emotionally abusive toxic family. Being around them has put a strain on my marriage and relationship with children. How can I honor my family and keep my marriage and relationship with my children healthy? This is Jackie from Portage. That's a very difficult position to be in Jackie and not one that just a few people experience, unfortunately. I think the key with all relationships when we talk about honor, whether it's honoring mom and dad, whether it's honoring our children or whether it's honoring our spouse is that when there is disunity or dysfunction or lack of emotional health or even to the point where as you put it is toxic and abusive, there has to be boundaries that are established. And within those boundaries, if there is an open door for there to be reconciliation and conversations about the lack of health from a position of gentleness and humility and honoring, then that's the starting point. It's like, you know what, when this happens, that's very uncomfortable or you put me in an awkward position or that's not healthy for my kids to see. And the first step is communication process. And if that's done in an honoring way and it's still not received, it's like, well, who do you think you are? You're not gonna tell me how I'm gonna live my life. This is just the way that we are, live with it, deal with it. Well, then your responsibility is to respond with boundaries to keep your family safe. So that's like, well, I'm gonna love you and I'm gonna honor you. But because of your decision that you've made about how you're gonna live your life, that's going to limit where the boundary line in our relationship can be. And to the degree that there's vulnerability, repentance, restoration and honesty in our families, that boundary line can get closer and closer to one another. But as long as there is arrogance, pride and lack of concern or willingness to change, that boundary line separates us. So I can honor you from a distance and I can love you without subjecting my kids to that dishealth. And I don't have to put myself in a position where I'm going to be abused, my spouse is gonna be abused or my children are gonna be abused. The Bible says in the book of Hebrews, it says, as much as it is up to you, seek to be at peace with all men. So Hebrews chapter 12, I believe, it says seek to be at peace with all men, which means we're supposed to be people of peace. We're supposed to seek out peace, but peace does not mean that you put you or other people in harm's way. And so to the degree that it's toxic, to the degree that it's unhealthy, you have to establish boundaries, which means we're not coming around or I'm gonna call you on Mother's Day instead of coming to your house or I'm gonna send you a card or different things like this. Last thing I'll say about that, honor is a position of our heart. Honor is not just the lip service that we give, it's the posture of our hearts. It's where we say, I'm gonna honor my mom and my dad. That doesn't mean that they have to be honorable for us to honor them. And honor can say, I pray for you, I speak kindly to you, I show special favor to you, I reach out to you, and I'm continuing to pray for you because I desire to have a healthy relationship. But what does it mean to be at peace with all men as much as it is up to you? It means you can only do so much. So that means you have to do everything that you can do and until they acknowledge it and are willing to change, then you stay in a position of prayer and safety and security and pray that God will change their hearts. That would be my recommendation. Is that okay? Is that a good answer? All right, if it's not, it's free. Okay, there you go. Next question. Gene from Richland, how are husbands and fathers supposed to love their wives and families when they're obsessed with sports and are driven to leisure? Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic. I'm veclept. How are husbands and fathers supposed to love their wives? Well, let me just tell you what God's word says about how husbands are supposed to love their wives. Ephesians chapter five. Husbands love your wives. This is verse 25, as Christ loved the church. How did he love the church? Gave himself up for her. That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing so that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but he nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. So how is a husband supposed to love his wife? Well, number one, he's supposed to love his wife sacrificially, which means you lay down your life for the sake of your wife. And he's supposed to do it in such a way that he's a leader, that he takes the initiative, that he sacrifices for his family and for his wife, that he meets his wife's and his children's needs ahead of his own needs, and that he's sanctifying her. The word sanctify is a word that comes, Latin word sanctus actually comes from the Greek word holy. Holy is a word that means separate and other or special. So when it says that he sanctifies his family, it's a way of saying that he's treating them special and honorable as a gift from God that he needs to protect and he needs to steward. So I know in our culture, there is a return to adolescence. Let me back up and defend men. Number one, read the rest of Ephesians chapter five and you will see what Paul prescribes to women in respect to their husbands. Number one, emotional need of a man is respect. So here's what I can promise you, is if a husband feels disrespected in his own house, he will magnetically be drawn to someplace where he feels honored and respected. That's where a fair start. That's also where sports and leisure and other things. Sometimes it's just laziness and not living up to their own responsibilities. Other times, if they're being brow beaten, I've seen it before where it's like, well, why can't you be more spiritual? Why can't you lead our family? You should be praying for us and you should be doing your devotions and I can't believe you don't make more money and what's going on? If you were a real man, I wouldn't have to work and how come you can't look like that guy on Baywatch? And that's disrespectful. Well, what's gonna happen is, his heart's not gonna be drawn to you. His heart's not gonna be, oh honey, beat me up some more. Yes, I deserve it. A lot of times guys are like, I don't know how to do these things and I'll tell you why they don't know how. It's because they've not been trained. Because when you break down the nuclear family, you need moms and you need dads. And when there's an epidemic of fatherlessness in our generation, it's no surprise we end up with men that don't know how to lead. Most men magnetically are drawn to sports and leisure because in our culture, it's the only place where you're allowed to be masculine. We have emasculated men and we've told them, you need to be unisex, you need to be effeminate, you need to soften it, you need to apologize for everything. We've stripped masculinity away from men. And the only place where men are allowed to be men is on the playing field someplace. It's the only place where we celebrate that or on the battlefield. So we come home and we're created by God to be warriors. We're created by God to be protectors, to be providers and to be masculine. God created us to be masculine. And yet, if we come home and we're not allowed to be those things, we have to find an outlet because it's who we are. Now let me then speak to men. Men, you gotta find the appropriate environments. You gotta find the appropriate environments. Number one key to being a man is realizing you were created to be an image bearer of God. You weren't created to be an image bearer of the Detroit Tigers. You weren't created to be high score on some online video game. You were not created to know all the stats on ESPN but not know the first four books of the Bible. That is not who you were created to be. You were created to be a leader in your family. You were created to be a leader in society. I want to tell you what Edwin Lewis Cole, who's one of my mentors, he's going home to be with the Lord. He was a leader. He said this, manhood is synonymous with leadership. When God created men, he created them to be leaders. And I know in our society right now, it's like, well, that's just so misogynistic. Deal with it. God wrote the Bible and he calls men to a high level of leadership. And so what I would say is the cure for women is love and honor and respect your husbands. Tell them what a study is. Tell them how much you love it when he comes to church with you. When you raise your hands in worship, how sexy and how much, I mean, just, you just lay it on, just tell them, man, when you do that, when you, when I come out of the, and I see you reading the Bible, playing with the kids, cleaning up the kids. You do those types of things. Woo, baby, uh, uh, I mean, talk about red hot. Tell them that. And I'll tell you, you do that, your house will be clean. You will be at church every Sunday. And let me say to the wife, to the, to the husbands, you want your wife to love you and stop nagging you and to kind of look at you like, you know, cross-eyed, then you get closer to the Lord. Cause nothing will make you more secure. Nothing will make you more of who you're created to be than drawing closer to the God who created you to bear his image in the world. So you be a man of God. Richland, how far is too far in a non-marital relationship? If you're asking that question, you've gone too far. So let me, let me back up, answer that question. When, when I was a youth pastor, I would have kids ask this question all the time. Okay, no sex outside of marriage is wrong. But how far is too far? And here was my answer. If you touch any place on another person's body that a swimsuit covers, you've gone too far. So that's youth group 101. On a more serious basis though, most affairs, so if we're talking anything outside of marriage, so you're talking dating, you're talking extramarital affairs cause this is how it happens. Most of the time extramarital affairs start emotionally. So here's, here's what I want to say about all relationships outside of marriage. You have to live according to the words of Proverbs chapter three, guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues, the boundary markers of life. If you're looking for boundary markers for life or you're looking for boundary markers of relationships, it starts with you identifying the boundary markers of your heart and saying my heart number one belongs to God. Number two, if you're married, my heart belongs to the person that I'm married to. I have no business having an in-depth vulnerable relationship with somebody else that is deeper than the person that I'm married to cause that'll be the first step. If you're single and you're asking this question, the Bible says in the song of Solomon's, it says, do not awaken love before it's time. And it's not just talking about romantic feelings, it's talking about sexual desire. So in first Thessalonians, I think it's chapter five, Paul says, this is God's will for you that you be sanctified body, soul, and spirit. Let me, in fact, let me just turn over there. This is, let me see here. First, second Thessalonians. Okay, am I gonna find it? Oh, no, I think it's first Thessalonians, there we go. Okay, I'm just gonna quote it. It is written, how about that? Let each of you know how to keep your bodies, which is your sanctification. Body, soul, and spirit, and then it says this, do not defraud one another. So he's talking about in relationships where there is the potential where things could go too far. It says, as Christians, we're not supposed to defraud our brothers and sisters in the Lord by crossing boundaries or awakening feelings and desires on the inside of them before it's time. When's the time, when you're married? When you've made a covenant commitment to somebody for life until death do you part, that person becomes your body, soul, and spirit. You become one flesh and anything that is consensual and permissible within that bonds of marriage that is centered around your covenant of love is go ahead and do it often. Here's what I think is sad though in our culture is you hear people talking about before they get married, how wild their sex life is, and then you hear them talking about after they get married how lame their sex life is. It should be the exact opposite. We should be disciplined and pure as followers of Jesus, not defrauding one another, not awakening love on the inside of one another, or desire for sex that we can't fulfill when we're dating. But after we're married, we should be teasing each other all day long. You should be going for it. Don't look at me like a bunch of prudes, you're all just like, mm. Can't believe Pastor Lee is talking about sex in church like that, it's like. Y'all know, I know what you watch on Netflix, so you ought to be pursuing one another sexually after you get married, and you ought to be protecting one another from that before you get married. Don't let culture shape your view of sexual permissiveness. Because here's what happens when you live promiscuously before you get married. Not only do you run the risk of getting sexually transmitted diseases, but you also run the risk of getting spiritually transmitted diseases. Because when two people become, when you have sex, you become one. Everything that that person has, you share. The other thing that happens is you establish soul ties to that person because you are, God gave the gift of sex to be emotional glue that takes two people and makes them one. And when you do that outside the Bons of Marriage and you do it with multiple people, you give a part of your heart a way that you don't get back. It's because you've granted them access to the most intimate part of who you are. In our culture, we treat sex like a recreational activity. We have a hookup culture, friends with benefits culture, and it's just, oh, it's no big deal, it's just sex. No, it's a huge deal. The devil has deceived us into thinking sex is no big deal. Sex is a massive deal because it's body, soul, and spirit. So if you're a Christian person and you are in a relationship, the greatest gift that you can give to the person that you are dating with a trajectory leading towards marriage is I am going to be self-disciplined. How many remember Galatians 5? One of the fruit of the Holy Spirit is self-control. So exercise, self-control. If you've messed up, repent, ask God for forgiveness. Establish boundary markers, honor them, don't defraud one another, get married, and go crazy. All right, here's your name. Like four people clap because the rest of you are still in shock. And that's okay, I get it. Portage right now is probably like standing ovation, I think. Okay, this one's from Richland as well. Is it unbiblical to choose to not have kids even when you're physically able? Is it unbiblical? Well, let me reframe that question. There are a lot of things in the Bible that when we use the term biblical, that can be the good, the bad, and the ugly. Everything that's inside of the Bible. Is it God's desire for you to have kids? Let me just say, I think there are some situations where making the decision to not have children could be appropriate. We just had a leader from Iran. The underground church in Iran came in with our staff a couple of weeks ago. He lives in Tehran. He's an Iranian national. He has thousands of people that meet in home groups or house groups all throughout the nation. The Republican Guard, their secret police are always trying to arrest him. He assumes different names, lives in different locations. I mean, you wanna talk about Jason born for Jesus, that's what he's doing in Iran. And his wife is a former Muslim jihadist who got radically saved because she encountered Jesus. Used to wear burqa, evangelized people the whole thing. And together they're leading this movement. They've decided not to have children for the sake of the gospel. Because in Iran, if you have children, they have to go to Islamic school. And they've decided that we're going to choose to not have children because of the work of the gospel that Jesus has called us to. And we don't wanna put our children in danger for that. I think that that's appropriate. I think there are situations that may be unique in our own cultural context that may be a good idea. So I will not say it's a violate God's will. But let me also say this. From the very beginning, part of God's intentions for marriage was that it would produce godly offspring. God's desire is to fill the earth with image bearers that know him and are walking in relationship with him. Malachi says, God was the witness between you and the wife of your youth, your wife by covenant. And what was God's desire in that? That there would be a godly seed, which means godly offspring. So you go back to Genesis 126. It says, let them be fruitful and multiply. Part of God's dominion mandate in purpose for humanity was to have children and have a godly seed. Why? Because when we have kids, God has kids. And God wants the earth to be filled with that. If you are choosing not to have children out of selfish reasons, then you need to go before God. Because here's what I'll absolutely guarantee you. Well, I can't absolutely guarantee you. I'll parenthetically guarantee you. Is that if somebody says, oh, we just don't want children, if I were to ask them, have you prayed about it and asked God what he wants? The answer is probably no. The answer is probably, oh no, we probably haven't done that. Because we see through a selfish lens, what do we want? And we need to get better as Jesus followers of saying, not my will but yours. And coming back to it, the greatest joy of my life has been being a parent. And I'll tell you this, because I've learned things about myself and I've learned things about God that I would never have known without being a parent. I know that there are people that struggle with infertility. And you know what? God can give you that same gift through the gift of adoption. I know people that have not been able to have children. They've done everything and then they adopt kids. And now you talk to them years later and it's like they're our own kids because God has grafted our hearts with theirs. It's the greatest gift that you can give. And in a world where there are so many fatherless and parentless kids, Christians being involved in foster care and adoption is a huge ministry. I do think that there are situations where people should not or cannot have children or try to have children, but selfishness is not one of them. If we're doing it because of the American dream because I don't want to give up money or give up time, then what we have is a bigger issue. It's called extended adolescence. And you need to go and you need to buy a big old bottle of grow-up and take two tablespoons, swallow it whole, be a man, be a woman, start a family. Okay, there you go. I'm in a mood today. I don't know, okay, so. Richland, if a husband is struggling with pornography and says he is trying to deal with the issue but is still hiding it from his wife, how long do you wait for him to change? It's a huge issue. It's a huge issue in our culture. By the way, the fastest growing segment of pornography viewership online is now women between 18 and 35 years old. So this is not just a man problem. This is also a, it's a holistic problem because we've over-sexualized our culture. Men though have the predominant addiction to this. And if you have a husband who's struggling with pornography, and I'm assuming that this is a wife that may be asking this question, then you're in a very vicarious, precarious position because you know something that he hasn't told you. And my tendency is to believe that most wives have the gift of suspicion and discernment, just the way that God has wired them. They're empathetic and they're emotionally connected, spiritually connected in ways that men typically aren't. And so a lot of times you'll have a wife who suspects that or has found things on the browser or on their phones or whatever. And your husband hasn't told you yet. I would encourage you to say something to them. I would encourage you to respectfully and mercifully bring it up to them and let them know that you know. Because the greatest tactic of the enemy against a man who is involved in sexual sin, whether it's pornography or other things, is shame. The devil is such a liar. First, he tempts you, he promises you the world, and then once you cave into it, he heaps condemnation and shame and fear and guilt on you. If your wife ever found out she would leave you, she'd be done with you, you're filthy, how could God ever love you? And all of those types of things. And if you're a wife, if you come at your husband, I understand you'd be angry and you'd be disappointed and it stirs all kinds of stuff up in a wife. Am I not enough? What's going on? What else is going on? You have to deal with that before the Lord and then you have to say to your husband, look, I want you to know that I know something's going on and I want you to know that I love you, it's unacceptable, but I'm for you. And I will walk with you to get freedom in this because I want our marriage to be healthy and I want it to be whole. You communicate like that and the odds are he's going to have a broken moment, that which has been hidden in the light is gonna be, or hidden in the darkness is gonna be exposed by the truth and by light. And that's when God can do some healing. Now, if you have a husband and he refuses to deal with the issue of pornography, then that's a whole different issue. We have groups that are available for people that struggle with pornography for a support group and accountability, that's huge. All of us have covenant eyes on our computers and our devices as pastors, as accountability. I have accountability partners on my computer. There needs to be accountability. I think every man should have accountability, but if you've struggled with it, you need it even more. If you have a husband that's deep into it and refuses to come clean on it, or refuses and just basically says this is who I am, deal with it and I'm not changing, then you need to ramp it up a little bit. You need to maybe do some ultimatums. You know what, this is unacceptable for me. To me, this is you in blatant sexual immorality. And if you're not gonna come clean and you're not willing to change it, then we need to have some deeper conversations. And that might involve you getting in contact with a spiritual leader, pastor, or a counselor and taking and ramping up that situation. Cause here's what I know, and I've just got a few moments left here. Here's what I know about sexual sin. It never stays static. It always escalates. That's why I won't go in graphic detail here, but if you know anything about the porn industry, the level of debaseness and debauchery ramps up because the demand goes up. What started down here is just boys looking at naked women in Playboy magazine eventually escalates to things that are so grotesque. One of the largest black web chat rooms. I just read this this last week. Black web is kind of a way that people view really disgusting stuff in a way that they can't be caught. Number one chat room is incest between fathers and their daughters. That's where the devil takes this stuff. And if you are a person that is dabbling with that and you think you got it under control, let me promise you something about sin. The devil will take you further than you planned on going. It will cost you more than you planned on paying and it will hold you longer than you wanted to stay. The devil does not come to play games. He comes to steal, to kill and to destroy. But here's the good news. If we'll come clean with it, Jesus says I've come that you might have life and that you might have it more abundantly. There's healing, there's forgiveness, there's grace, there's strength, there's life on the other side of porn addiction. And if you're struggling with that, don't keep it in the dark. Go to somebody and ask for help. We're not, I promise you, if you come, you ask a pastor, you ask your best friend, you ask your wife, you ask somebody to walk with you because it's an addiction that's growing on the inside of you and you just come humbly in the name of the Lord about it, nobody's gonna shame you, I promise you. They will do everything to help you. Let me just say this, we owe it to our kids to walk free from sexual immorality. We owe it to our kids. When I was a kid, my dad, and let me just clarify that, my dad went home to be with the Lord five years ago. And when he went home to be with the Lord, he was not a perfect man, but he became a Christian late in life, he was a fantastic father and grandfather and I love my dad. But when I was a little boy, I was five, six years old and I would stay weekends at my dad, the room that my dad put me in was three foot high, the entire length of the wall with hard core porn. I saw things as a five and six year old boy that no five and six year old boy should ever see in their life and it took years for me to unwind that and for the Holy Spirit to heal my heart and to renew my mind. I'm gonna tell you why I chose to renew my mind and reject that and not go head long into that because when I gave my heart to the Lord as a teenager, I knew someday, I experienced all the same temptations that every other kid does, especially having seen that stuff, I was awakened to sex way too early in my life. But in my teen years, I made a decision. I am going to break the family iniquity of sexual sin that has permeated my family for generations. I'm gonna break it. My kids will never experienced, will never experience the curse of sexual immorality the way that I did. My kids will, if they see that stuff and they're exposed to it, it's not gonna be because dad did it. It's not gonna be because I bluffed it off. It's going to be because they live in a fallen world but what I am gonna let them see is a man who walks pure in the sight of God and I can sit up here and tell you that I know that not everybody does but I'm your pastor, I've been able to walk pure in the sight of God and it's by his grace and I'll be able to do that and if I can do it, you can do it. I wonder if everybody stand up with me if you would. Man, we covered some territory. You know what I love about Red Hot or Q and A is that's how I learned the Bible. I was 13, 14 years old and I remember sitting on my grandfather's lap every morning for many, many years as a little boy. My grandfather would read the Bible. One of the things my grandpa would do is in the back of his Bible he had an index and the index had subjects and he would take that index and it was alphabetical orders like a dictionary and underneath it listed all the verses that corresponded with that subject. So when my grandpa gave me his Bible, I took his index and that's how I started studying the Bible. First thing in the Bible, adultery. And I began to read all the verses about that and what I fell in love about the Bible is that God is not just a God who dwells in transcendent glory in heaven, he's a God who's close to us and he revealed himself in Jesus who is God in the flesh who came to us. He's called the word of the living God and when God gave us the Bible, he gave us a revelation of himself but he gave us answers, he gave us answers. There's nothing that we face in life that God hasn't covered in his word because nothing takes God by surprise. Years ago someone asked Charles Spurgeon who is the Prince of Preachers, preached to 10,000 people. I mean, his Metropolitan Tabernacle was so full on Sundays that people had to take lottery numbers to get a seat and by the way he preached for an hour and a half so one time a woman came up to Charles Spurgeon in the front of the church and said, Dr. Spurgeon, doesn't it bother you all the verses in the Bible that are so hard to understand? And his answer was telling, he said, my dear lady, he says, it's not the verses in the Bible that are read that are difficult to understand that bother me. It's the verses that are easy to understand and obvious that bother me the most because they're the hardest to live out. Here's what I love about Jesus. He gives us answers in his word to every issue we'll ever face and then he gives us the grace of his Holy Spirit to empower us to live it out. So today if you find yourself in a place of brokenness, you find yourself in a place of temptation. Maybe your marriage is broken and you don't know how to fix it. Maybe you're single and you don't know how to get married. Maybe you're raising kids and you don't know how to parent as well as you should. Maybe you've made some mistakes and you don't know how to come clean. Here's the answer. The answer is turn to Jesus. The answer is ask God because he gives grace to the humble. God resists the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. And I promise you, he's able to heal you. I promise you, he's able to set you free. I promise you, he's able to save you to the uttermost. He's able to rescue you. He's able to turn things around. He's able to resurrect that which has been dead. He's able to replace that which has been broken. He's just that good. I wanna invite you, everyone who's listening to me to buy your heads with me all over the room in a posture of prayer and prayer teams if you would move into place at this time all across the front. I'm gonna pray a prayer as we dismiss this morning. Not just a prayer because it's the time to close, but I believe in the power of the prayer of faith. I'm gonna pray a prayer of faith in the name of Jesus that will break chains of addiction. In the name of Jesus, it will set captives free. Today, it's gonna soften hearts that have become so hard that it's almost impossible for you to sense right and wrong, God, good or evil. But God's gonna soften hearts. He's gonna reconcile marriages. He's gonna stir feelings of love once again. And he's gonna open eyes of our heart today so that many of us can see the path that the enemy is taking us down that's leading to destruction. You say, well, how do you know your prayer is gonna do that? I know it because Jesus in his word promises that when we pray it in faith, it will work. And then I'm gonna open up the altars as we dismiss. And if today maybe you are in one of those positions, marriage, family, sexual identity, addictions, whatever. Today, I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that when we humbly approach God, we humbly approach another brother or sister and we ask for prayer that more than just being nice words, there's supernatural power for breakthrough and for change that happens. That's what repentance is. We say, God, I'm sorry, and I'm asking. Heal me. God responds every single time to that. But before I pray, I'm just gonna ask you, it doesn't matter what it is. It may be marriage, it may be family, it may be sexual temptation, identity. It may be things that you're addicted to that you're looking at. It may be spiritual lethargy where you're not leading like you should in your family. Whatever it is, any of the things that we covered today, I'm gonna ask you to be vulnerable this morning. Doesn't matter what it is, but you would acknowledge before God, I need God to heal a place in my life that you just mentioned. Just want you to raise your hand today. Would you be so transparent, vulnerable before? God, God sees it. He sees your heart. He sees your hand. You're not alone. There's hands all over the room. You're asking God, God heal me. God do a work in my life. Thank you, thank you for your honesty. Now here's the prayer. Father, I come in the name of Jesus. And I thank you that you're not a weak God. You're a strong God, mighty to save, mighty to rescue. In the day of my trouble, I cried unto the Lord and he heard me and he helped me and he saved me. Lord, I stand on those words today. I stand on your words, Jesus, that you spoke in Luke chapter four where you said the spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the captive, healing to the brokenhearted, sight to the blind, liberty to the captives, freedom to those that have been imprisoned and in the mighty name of Jesus, the resurrected savior of the world, the son of the living God. Right now in the authority of his name, I declare all demonic chains broken in the name of Jesus. God, I pray that the Holy Spirit would awaken hearts, open eyes to see with clarity. And right now today would be a day of liberty. This Mother's Day, there would be freedom that comes from heaven right now over lives. There would be conviction that rises up in our hearts. And Lord, I pray that there would be vision of freedom, vision of how you see us, vision of how you want us to be, vision of how we were always meant to be. Only you can put broken pieces back together, Lord. We pray that you do that today. Only you can sever the tethers of the enemy that serve like a leash to keep us in slavery. But in the matchless name of Jesus in the sword of the word of God, we declare all of those ropes and tethers severed in the name of Jesus. And right now every broken marriage, I declare that what God has brought together, let no man divide, Lord, fight for those marriages today. I pray a release of your grace over this room, over every listener, over every hearer, over every heart that right now is crying out, God, rescue me. Rescue me, save me. Heal me, deliver me. In Jesus' name, we declare it so. Amen, and amen.