 We are sorry for the video we made. We are so sorry. We saw all the comments, but when we are doing the video, our intention was not to try to abuse or try to molestation. We just did the video, my role. We can land lord. We can land lord and the tenants. Yes, I used to wicked my tenants. Yes. You can scroll down our video. See Amanda here. Look at Amanda here. We didn't do anything to her mother. See Amanda here. Please don't do anything. The room they use for the comedies is my room. So they didn't do anything. Please don't do anything. See Amanda here. We have already barbed her hair. Where is her hair? We have already barbed her hair. We have already barbed her hair. See Amanda here. We don't do anything. We have already barbed her hair. Please don't do anything. We are so sorry. Scroll down in our video. Scroll down. You will see my role is a wicked land lord. I am a wicked land lord. This is the tenant. Just watch. You will see another skit. Please don't do anything. Please don't do anything. Please don't do anything. We are so sorry. Scroll down in our video. We didn't do anything that you like. The girl is dense in existing her father's apartment in the second scene and the land lord leered her with a drink and took her to his room. The father then emerges from his room noticing that his daughter is missing and goes outside to meet the land lord only to discover that his daughter's underwear is outside his land lord's room and the girl can be heard crying. The fact that something as serious as pedophilia and sexual abuse was trivialised and considered the joke is so disturbing and a huge indicator of a dysfunctional system xico ource sex xt xt xt xt xt xt xt xt xt xt xt ᴂᴖᵆ� butavan ᴛᴂᴂᴅᵂᵉ ៀᴇ� перевទopes ᵙဢဧᴡᶜှ ᴀៀᵁᶏ�íre ៀ᷄ẇ lions ᎀဪ� rapidly ᴀᶕᴄ ᴀᴀʏᶰᵇᵊᵾ ᴀᵁᴇᶸ�ンダホ నితారచిని. గ్తాతునిను, నితాని. సుట్టనియ్టద. నుతికానిండ్నంపికాద్మాంది. వరినిసుం instrumental లానికికిని. నింరడ్ నికికిటకకి. వరఀిసాకి� ἐὶ ἀλλḧᴀ ᶀᶁ ᶇᶅᶄᶀᶇᶇᶅᶄᶅᶔ, ᶦᵃᵀᶔᶉᶆᶍᶄᶏᶄᶊᶄᶖᶠᶉᶒᶜᶓᶋᶄᶒᶒᶉ ᶀᶄᶄᶄᶄᶄᶅᶄᶔᶛᶁᶒᶄᶅᶄᶄᶄᶄᶄᶉ ᶜᶀᶀᶄᶁᶄᶄᶄᶛᶡᶜᶜᶄᶄ� llinger llinger llinger llinger llinger thereafter i thought that the Nap hat is the Nigerian agency chilli in charge of the tropical trafficking but it has to be with the person initially it took me of balance because I kept asking Thine horizon మారంసం్డిితోండా.మరెరంస్యిమాలిమా మచరంపోమి.మారోసిూపోరిమాలెటిటు.టంటిలె.మాకాడోటని.మిలిటాలిమఔిటాని.మలాకింటిటు.మిరంనితోటం వాయ్లాచ్లునున్కనునిల్ఒకిఎదిలునాంది. మారినంచాకనేనింస్టరెతారెటాన్గాలునిఆటిలుకాంపంచి. పారినారెనుస్సంందికంచి. and rehabilitation of those who were sexually, you know... They committed this crime. Yes, so it's... I start to wonder why NAPTIV are the ones in charge of the record for sex offenders and then you dive deeper and you find out that we don't even have enough records of sex offenders in the country. I think Lagos State has about maybe less than a thousand while AKT has recorded I think 570 something. So a few is just in trinkles and you and I know that in Nigeria, when I think about it, eight out of every ten women, children. Let me just state to the adults. Let me state to the adults because that one we can all confirm. Eight out of every ten women have been sexually abused. So where are those abusers? And these abusers range from school teachers, lesson, home lesson, school lesson, after school lesson, PE teachers because you have after sports, you have different after school activities, sporting activities. You now come home, you have uncles, you have domestic staff, you have family, then you go to the church, you have family, you have colleagues, you go to the office, you have bosses, you have managers, you have different levels. So in Nigeria we know that this sex offends and sex offenders list in Nigeria and the database should be more than what we currently have. So I do not know whether it is an issue of not being able, is it that the cases have not gone up because when I looked at it, when I looked at the record of NAPTIC, if I look at the record of NAPTIC, they only have about a thousand, 189 records, total records. They have 232 convictions and they have 546 still in court and then 187 under investigation. I know that this record should be a whole lot more than this, but why does this happen? Because it goes back to the point where we were talking about, a few days ago it was on parenting and how you should caution your kids and put them in line so that from a young age they would be able to tell the difference between when someone is touching them in areas that they are not supposed to and as against when someone is being friendly with them. So we know that this record should be more than this and we know that this is a problem in Nigeria already, which is having record of anything. Database is always a huge issue because from a population of about 100, over 111 million people in Nigeria, you cannot tell me that in a country where we know very well that more than 50% of the population of women in Nigeria have been sexually abused and we know that we have over at least 20% of the population in Nigeria supposedly supposed to be down here as records of sex offenders and they are not there. And why is this so? That's my question. But then again, are the cases being reported? There is that part of it, there's that angle, we know, even though it takes people a while sometimes to come out to report, but even after years, this record should also still go down as part of the records for this, especially if there's a conviction. Naptip is, well it was the body that was formed not too long ago, it was formed recently and then decided to take on these things. Actually from the time we had, I remember we had that princess story and that's when this body became active. So let me say that's probably why we're having the numbers that it is that we're having these days because now we're having people say these are the two lines to call if there's any issue like this, this is who you should speak to. So I think people are becoming more aware and people are no longer holding it back and saying I don't want to say anything because my family, some bodies that you can actually go to to tell that this is what is going on, this is what have been sexually abused and so on and so forth and then it can be taken up from there. But now let's not look at it from the point of the children exactly now. I mean these people are predators, so to speak. I can never understand the concept of pedophilia and why somebody wouldn't be a pedophile and I said in the beginning that if you have sexual pleasures that you want to fulfill, there are several other ways why are you abusing a child? There are other ways but I guess it's demon possession no, there's something wrong with you. So I wanted to actually just even point to the fact that I agree that the citizens have experienced I mean from our parent's time to now I'm certain that there have been too many incidents that must have been reported. However, when you look at countries like the United States and you see how serious they take sex offender you know that a sex offender that has been arrested and taken to jail your life is gone. First of all being a sex offender, your life is over because even if let's say you get a good trial one year, two years or if you're unlucky they give you life but if you save your time coming out of jail is another issue because you cannot get a job you cannot even live in a neighborhood every neighborhood will know every neighborhood will know who you are and all of these things trickles down to the fact that government has to help us fight against this. In 1993 when Bill Clinton was still the president he actually announced and declared a law that every state in the country is required to update their predatory lists and it has to be open to the public so that means that most of these communities everybody knows everybody so you cannot move to a new neighborhood and start pretending to be who you are not they would drag you out so which is the reason why in Nigeria I think there are certain things that needs to be taken seriously because I can just imagine we have that very annoying relative somebody that is never related with this person by blood you already say this is my own that easily prey prey on these people I've had my first year of that experience and even growing up I couldn't tell my parents what was happening however I knew it was wrong so that sensitization it comes from the family but it also has like the government and public bodies have a lot of things to do regarding this just to ensure I like what you said the sensitization comes from the family I think it would come back let's take a break and open our phone come back we'll continue with that okay if you just tuned in to our ladies night out and were discussing the topic safeguarding our children from predators please let us know what you have to say remember you can join the conversation send us an SMS on what apps 081 80384663 you could also tweet to us at weishawafika1 with the hashtag weishaw our phone line is also now open please call us on 070 25077 49 so before we went on the break we were talking about sensitization from the family and I think that's where it begins because you see in most cases children are afraid to speak up so something like this happens maybe actually when it's happening from another family member they're scared to speak up they're scared to tell their parents what's going on they're scared to even talk to maybe siblings that happened to me it was something that happened growing up my dad was always going on nine shifts a lot of the time and I had this cousin that was living with us at home so he started you know when I'm sleeping you know those naughty and I didn't even understand why I was 13 at the time that last 30 I was in SS3 which was like 16 and was my best friend that forced me to tell my older sister who sat all the female in the house down like all of us young children to say this is what happened to Alero if this person is around make sure you do this we ensured that the person knew we knew and he moved out of the house eventually but imagine when you actually I didn't want to speak up because I was afraid and this we have so many people that have had this experience that would most likely not even I mean I was telling about my former colleague when I was working that she was supposed to go to church her parents told her to go to church she went to see the pastor and you know being with the pastor he molested or raped her she cried when back home to her parents her parents followed her back to the pastor's place only to go and apologize to this guy and she's an adult today she's married and she said that's the reason why I asked my family because I can't come to tell you that this person assaulted me and you are going to apologize because he's a pastor so it has a lot to do with the home our upbringing and what we allow because a lot of times we don't focus on the fact that I think our children ignore that these things can traumatize you and destroy your life eventually it happens don't worry so now let's ask or rather let's discuss this how then do we protect our children how do we safeguard our children from these situations how do we protect them from these predators Mary I think for me the first thing is getting the child to be comfortable to tell you anything you said you spoke said something about your daughter and he said you're not feeling well just constantly checking out on you that's because there's a relationship there you have a voice I said something as well last week Tuesday I was like I might not have had the clothes being able to say the details but I had a voice I had an opinion I could say I don't want to do this and it's like okay the first time and you don't really feel comfortable they can read your past years about it okay you're not comfortable with this and you are free to do like take your decision like okay we'll figure that out later and stuff you know so I think that's where it starts from that being whether the child is a quiet child or is an outspoken child being able to be able to relate whatever problem it is my father used to say something he said Mary even if you still and you come back and run inside this house I will first of all look to protect you and that put something in my head to say whatever it is no matter how bad you can always come back so that's where it starts from when you have a safe place a safe home a safe heaven then when these things when science begins to occur this pattern is touching you in a certain way when you go back and you can tell your guardian or your parents to say this is what is happening or this is how I feel and I think that's where it starts from for me and I think there are certain people that some uncles per se or aunties that always act two nights like a father figure I mean there have been several situations that the person would pretend to just be so nice always available sometimes make the child trust you so much that there are some parents that also you are going to work or whatever you talk this person is definitely looking after my child but you don't know what's going on so I like the fact that parenting now is really changing for a lot of people they are focusing on their children that sensitization thing is not it's not one person's job it takes a village it takes a village to ensure that a human being is fine in every aspects of their life so that sensitization is one thing that the parents need to just pay you have to have extra six cents if you don't have money to buy a nanny come at home you should be able to put different things different people just have to be around that child I think another point for me is when children grow up to become teenagers the art of teaching the child to say no I know sometimes we can't really be explicit with our parents about certain things but you have people who it could be consensual the sex can be consensual but the person, the lady is in pain the lady is not enjoying it the lady doesn't want it but you not really have had that sensitization or you have not been taught how to say no how to say I am not enjoying this I think I want it because that's another part of sexual abuse that that's not being talked about that even happens to a lot of adults and so you have a lot of females who are probably having sexual encounters like I'll take an instance at the gym I didn't read any meaning into it but I noticed that when I was being a bit too I'm not one to too familiar I'm not one to abruptly just push you away and I felt very embarrassed that it took an older woman to come and tell me to say oh don't you think this is a bit too and you know I've been thinking about it in my head but I really just couldn't say the oh please can you stop hugging me this way can you stop because it's very subtle do you understand and if you let it go on so that's the grooming so that's the grooming like on the show a few days ago mama was saying that it's the grooming because it starts from little things there are lots of things in different ways we've all been groomed to accept different things and you've been told for years this is okay you've had that like Alera said you have that family member you have that person who has been pushed onto you as a family member maybe a cousin a distant cousin a distant uncle not even a family member not even related by blood but living with you and you know our parents were very welcoming then so you used to have different people come by the house oh your uncle is coming by he's staying with you he's been with us for a week two weeks and what have you and you're like okay no problem you have to move to this person's room or you have to move clear the guest room or something like that it was an event to look forward to but for some people it wasn't because when that uncle comes around things happen and you know when you have then our parents were not disenlightened so they always believed the worst or we told the worst lies because it's funny that you would walk up to your parents for those who had the courage and the confidence and openness and trust with their family to be able to walk up and say oh dad I have something to tell you uncle did this this this and I felt very uncomfortable about it or uncle touched you other than you probably would express it the same way it comes to you uncle touched me in my private part or uncle did this or uncle I don't like he's hugging me too tightly and you know I don't know whether it was this bill I don't know what to use why the parents of then didn't pay attention to all those signs because when you have kids that actually come up to you to tell you stuff now we see how important it is because then we just didn't used to tell anybody anything you can hardly even even within is now as we've grown older that we are starting to you know be intentional about relationships, friendships and the people we have around us but growing up everybody was just somebody around you like but everyone learned how to I think for our generation we learned how to be a bit independent early so you just learned how to be on your own in your own world even though you had a family so it didn't for some people they didn't even get to the point where disbelief was the point you didn't even tell because you don't even know how to put it forward that this happened you don't know how what to expect are you going to be beaten for even allowing yourself to be in that environment or what like you know especially if it's a case of or maybe your uncle gave you sweets and then told you to come to his room and sit down and you sat down it's almost like you are the stupid one I think even for a long time year like as an adult if I did go to a guy's house and he tried such I would actually keep quiet and blame myself because society has said you took yourself there do you understand so another for me not to have that I set my boundaries I set boundaries to say I don't come into your house I don't care if you are the the strongest will I am not going to set myself up for disaster because I know that either I might not be able to say because I will be feeling like oh yeah you put yourself in this situation you did this to yourself so let me avoid it you want to see me please just go out to the public can we have lunch can we have dinner in the public where I have control of myself to blame myself because people are going to blame it as over you went there and what were you expecting does that give you the right it doesn't I was also going to say another thing is as adults we need to always watch our reaction as parents as adults because children would actually read your reaction to know how they are going to tell you so let me give an example my daughter sent me a message at her grandparents and she sent me a message yesterday and she said mommy I am very sorry and then I am like let me wait for example but uncle he lost my wrist watch and I am still waiting for you know the reason and she goes that's because I give it to him I am like great so now we now understand this so I was like my darling why did you give him the watch in the first place number one when did you give him the watch because in the first place this watch was supposed to be used in school and I told you the reason you had this because I wasn't going to get any form of accessory in school in the first place but I am like ok you need to be able to tell the time you need to know ok time for prayer time for this time for that alright no problem have the watch and I asked her these questions and then she answered me and I smiled I am like thank god she could at least come to say look this thing happened I know that you are going to be upset I am sorry but then this is how it happened and I believe that's how to work with children make them understand you are not the bad person what you have done is bad it's not you that say bad and that's the policy between myself and my child I always let her know look I understand I need you to understand that this act is a bad act does it make you a terrible person no does it mean you should do it again that way the child will understand that look I get it I messed up but it doesn't necessarily make me a bad person that's another thing that I preach it's ok to make mistakes I will use myself as an example sometimes I am like oh mommy did this to them sometimes I will pretend oh dang I just did this you understand that everybody does it so when things like this then happen you would notice that the child would not hold back from telling you this is what instead the child will even feel they need to open up and let you know that dad mom this is what actually happened I don't know what does this make me but in this appearance your child comes to tell you next thing you don't go wow wow I get that sometimes you can actually be very angry and that's why I try so hard okay I tell her I am very obsessed right now and she was can I let you be for a while yes please let me be and then I come back and look that got me really mad I don't like it but how do we now address and that should always be the approach because then the child is now more open because this is how my mother actually brought me up I don't think there's anything I cannot tell my mom today I'm not sure there's anything I cannot tell my mother and when I say anything I actually mean anything and that's because and what I would judge you you know the fact that you can actually open up because I know cancer from her is definitely coming from a place of wisdom and experience so I know that no matter as I want to take mess up she will still she will still understand and say okay maybe we should have done that's what I'm going to do really that's safe space if you are not uncle you are not uncle that's another thing if you are mommy's friend if you are daddy's friend I say that uncle tunde is not your uncle uncle tunde is your daddy's friend auntie bimbo is not my sister auntie bimbo is mommy's friend so that way we understand we come from a culture I understand that but it's going to take a while for that to be embedded into the system and that's why we have the problem because those children then believe when uncle tunde does something to her she feels like oh mommy's brother or daddy's brother I probably shouldn't say this but it also speaks to as a parent it's your responsibility I know that you can't really be available for every situation but your responsibility to have all her eyes and to pay attention to everyone that is around your child and a lot of times some parents actually dismiss what their children say so if your child actually just come and tell you this is what is happening believe them believe them first before believe them have that conversation with the child before you even take it up with whoever is being accused because a lot of time the resistant comes from the child being afraid like you said if that safe place is not being created if we said your time that's the child that's probably with the experience of type of disaster that you cannot even come out from at the end of the day and that's why the trust is necessary the trust is necessary we're coming from a generation where discipline was seen as different discipline was actual discipline the bible says so there's a little bit of discipline guaranteed but we're coming from a place where we felt it was a bit extreme but I wouldn't lie to you some of those experiences is what made me who I am telling me as the strong person I am today and then I look at the next generation and I'm like we have a lot we have a lot to see people want to see cool parents and I see there's nothing like cool parents there is my dad does a cool dad my dad never hit us for one day in fact it's always worse when he talks to you because you are finished cool parents doesn't mean that your father or your mother will hit you what I'm saying is you want to be that mom or dad that's I don't know the best way to explain this now in the bit of trying to do that you are then losing your child I have a friend whose mom was the coolest and I'm not really particularly happy about how her kids turned out because it puts me in a position to ask was she too lenient because she was the nice one and then her kids that one is on drugs and she's still not being as firm as you get but you have a comment I have a comment let's take one comment hello ladies you all look super delightful loving the conversation going on just to add to all that has been said I believe it's also very important for parents and guardians to learn to draw boundaries for children in terms of the names we call people uncles, aunties, cousins are relatives only by blood and not by title also that even though these relatives are related with them does not mean that they have the right to make you feel uncomfortable by their actions those not related to them should be called mister or miss this is a major confusion that children struggle with and parents need to be intentional about this the polish coach that's exactly what I was saying call them what they are thank you so much for the polish coach for the polish coach for that okay this was a very interesting conversation it's something that cannot be over discussed we need to continue talking about this but it will keep happening more and more sensitization anyway so before we go do ensure you follow us on instagram at weishuafrica you can interact with us father drop a comment and most importantly follow all our social media engagement and remember to like share comments and invite your friends and family to watch us and follow us if you miss today's code hear it again nearly 100,000 sex offenders remain unregistered and are moving freely about the country the risk that they may strike again grows every day and this is bible of me see you tomorrow at 8pm as we bring another great conversations here thank you ladies