 Today, I wanted to start the episode to ensure that I was up to date. And so I said, are you still broken up? You said forever. Forever. And I messaged you like, yes. And not because I don't know your partner. I don't know anything about your guys' relationship at all. I think that it's a fresh start. I think that fire burns, but it also clears space. Yeah, you know this one, this breakup was the hardest. I think it was probably the second hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my entire life. Like in my adult life. Like moving to LA was one very traumatic event for me because I never thought that I would move across the country. But the breakup, I legit thought that I was gonna have to be hospitalized. Like I was like, I am losing my mind. Like I felt like crazy. You have to kind of undo and unlearn and unthink and un fantasize about the things that like, your life was supposed to be with this person. Even up to like baby names. Like we had talked about all these things because this was where we were headed at the time. I think that we do a lot of that where we know something isn't right, but we still keep trying to like make it right. Yes, of course. Cause you've made the investment. It's like that casino slot machine syndrome. I don't wanna get up and leave this slot machine cause I've already put in so much quarters. And if I get up, next person's gonna come and put in 50 cents and hit the jackpot. But I think when you've done the work that you've done on yourself and you're in therapy and you're strikingly stunning and so successful. When I hear you say these questions, like what's gonna be the person and what am I gonna meet them? And how are we gonna connect? And I'm just like, my tone and hearing that is like, who's the next person? And what's it gonna happen? And what's my life gonna look like? It feels exciting and fresh and open. And especially if we have that feeling of this isn't right because a lot of people have that feeling and just keep going. Yeah, I mean, I think we both towards the end knew that it wasn't working out. I find what one of the faults is with relationships and intimacy in general is that we shared the beginning. We talk about how we met, how we connected. We talk about the highs. We talk about our first vacation together. Our first time meeting the family. We tell the story and then we get to the breakup and we say irreconcilable differences. You know, like I'm thinking of Megan Good and Devon Franklin who shared so much about their relationship and then in the end, I mean, obviously for privacy reasons, but then also it leaves people who already have such a gap when it comes to intimacy education and how to build healthy relationships who have modeled and followed your relationship completely unclear as to where the pain point was or what went wrong. So I wanna ask how you broke up but I wanna ask it like this. The meeting point, the high, the low and the no. I saw him at a party and I was like, I want him. I was also wasted off the honey. That's why I don't drink brown because it turns me into a different person. And I went up to him and I grabbed his chains. He had like these Jesus pieces on and I grabbed them. And I was like, I like your chains. And then I just went back and sat back down. Oh my gosh. And he was shook. He was like. So that was, I would say the, that was the meat and that was really, really lovely. And then the high, I think the high was when we met each other's families and like we went on our first little kind of trip together to visit his family in the Bay Area. And it was just like a very, it was just a very beautiful experience for both of us. And you know, it felt like, like this is going somewhere. The low was definitely a few months after we both moved to LA. And I think also for men, like, I try to give them some grace as far as like how they feel when it comes in relation to finances. I don't think that they talk about it enough openly because you don't want to seem like a broke dude or like you don't want to seem like you don't have your shit together and like there's this pressure. So I think that, you know, for them, they think like, okay, a lot of them at least. And I mean, I generalize, but for a lot of them, I think it's, you know, I got to work. I got to work. I got to provide. I got to do, you know, and that pressure also takes a toll on a relationship and on a person. And then where the no began was just like character changes that it's like, is this a character, like a permanent character change? Or is this just like for the moment, I tend to see the potential in who the person used to be versus what I'm seeing right now. And so that's something that I'm trying to get myself out of because sometimes people do change. And it's not even that it's a bad thing necessarily. I've definitely changed from when we first started dating, but are the changes that you're seeing good for you where you are right now? Like, will it help you to be able to continue your own personal growth? And for me, it wasn't. He felt that at times he was being controlled. And I said, you were, you absolutely were. And it was really me out of desperation for trying to keep our relationship on the track that we had set that anytime he would do something that I felt was not conducive to that, I'm like, we got to stay on track. Like we got to stay on track. And at times he felt like I was trying to mother him, which I probably was, like I probably was. I think it's a great reflection point too, because in relationships we often think so much about what the other person is and what they bring to the table and we don't think about what we wanna see in ourselves. Like how do I wanna be in reflection to what we share? And if who you are is great on paper, but in combination with what I know my triggers are and my tendencies or my shadows are, you bring out that worst part of me, then this is not a fit. So I think it's important to note that, but it's probably also the, I would say collaboration of the two of you that brought this side out. Because yeah, when you get to a point where you feel like I don't trust your value system, or I don't trust your decision-making, I have to step in and do those things for you. But that should be a red flag to say that. It's not right. And I definitely felt that. And we also, we both agreed that we had a power shift in our relationship and like the power dynamics were, it was off. And I told him that the reason why I personally felt that that was happening is because I felt like I was taking control so much as far as leading the relationship where we were going. I didn't feel like I could just be my like feminine self. And I felt like I was taking on more traditional masculine energy. And as like, I talked about it in my podcast this week, like yeah, I might sound misogynistic, but like that's how I felt. And at this point in my life, like I am looking for a man to lead me. Because I'm tired of taking the reins. Like I want you to pass me every once in a while. Like you take a nap and I'm like, okay, I don't take a nap, I got it. Like I'll drive the car. But I can't be at the front seat every day with the kids in the back and you over here sleeping and then you wake up and you eat a french fry and then you go back and take a nap and then you get out the car and now I'm driving by myself and then you come back in. It's like, it's too much. It's a lot, yeah. And I realized too, it's a part of my love language system. Like it literally is. Acts of service and quality time are my top two. So I'm gonna need you to take some shit off my plate. And if I feel like I'm the one who is constantly doing for our relationship, I'm not saying he wasn't doing for him because he was definitely grinding his shit out. And I appreciate that. And I think he's one of the hardest working people that I know. And men are conditioned to believe that that is the act that does support and help the family. Yes, exactly. And he said that. He was like, I knew that me working hard was gonna be beneficial for you in the long run. So I'm like, she understands, she gets it. She knows, like she knows, she knows me. But bruh. Right. It just got to the point where it was just too much. Future camey was tired. Future camey was exhausted. We get it might work out in the future for us, but I see you back there in the present struggling. It's okay. Yeah. And the thing is, is that we love each other. We'll always love each other. But sometimes like things just aren't right. And I don't see that changing in the future for me. Cammy said this on the podcast and it really struck home. She said towards the beginning that she was fighting in relationship because she saw the potential in the relationship because of who they used to be. And that's me. I mean, the thing that I can say confidently that I really just did wrong in all my relationships is that I stayed way too long. I kept fighting for to get that moment back, right? I'm like, oh no, I saw where we could be. So let me just keep fighting because eventually we can get back to this. And eventually was too long. Lovers and friends. Lovers and friends. I'ma take you on a trip, baby. I don't pretend I stay.