 After working with hundreds of thousands of women all over the world since around 2005, I've discovered that there's a bunch of different things that can happen early on in a relationship, things that you can detect in a man that will create serious problems later down the line in the relationship that you have with them. And so if you meet a guy or you're dating a guy or you're in a relationship with a guy, what are some things that you should look for in order to determine whether this is a behavior that you should or shouldn't tolerate? And even more importantly, what do you do about it if these behaviors do end up coming up? So that's what we're gonna be talking about today. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Today we're gonna be talking about five behaviors that you should never, ever, ever, ever tolerate in a man. And then what I'm gonna do at the end is tell you what to do about it, how to behave around it, how to set things up so that they don't happen. And if they do happen, what to do in order to either correct the behavior or decide whether this is the right person to actually be with. So number one, let's jump into it. Number one is long-term toxic patterns. And so this is something that a lot of people talk about, lots of coaches, whenever you hear somebody talking about things that you shouldn't be with a guy for, it's usually because of these types of patterns. And so I'm just gonna go through them real quickly that way if you haven't heard about these things before, maybe you'll learn about them right here and you'll start thinking about it in a little bit different of a way. So one is like addictions, really hard addictions. And most people have some kind of addiction to something, we might have some sugar cravings or maybe we're addicted to soap operas. I know who you are. I'm not addicted to soap operas, I swear. But if they have any, there's a lot of destructive, destructive addictions, things where you're addicted to, like really addicted to alcohol or drugs or pornography or just all kinds of different things, anything where it's destructive and it eats away at your soul, anything that you get overly addicted to and you're doing it a ton. And so much that it starts pulling you away from your regular life, that can be destructive, right? The magic is always in the middle with almost everything. But you wanna look for some serious addictions that a guy has. And if he has them, if it's a pattern and it's been kind of a long-term thing, that can be a serious problem because he'll never end up putting you above those addictions. The addictions always come first and it's really, really sad. So number two is abuse. Any kind of emotional or mental or physical abuse, you should never ever tolerate any of that kind of stuff ever in any situation. We're gonna talk about how to deal with that if you do encounter that. Next one is cheating. So any guy that cheats on you, that is a problem, obviously. Hopefully you know that that's a problem. Lying to you is a problem for a lot of different reasons. Most people, I mean, I don't know if I've ever met anybody in my life who's never lied before. There's a lot of people that are kind of like, oh, you know, never ever lie about anything. But, you know, if they get put into the right situation, they'll lie as well. And so, but if it's a pattern, right? How big are these lies? What kind of lies are these? And so you wanna kind of look at that in terms of a person's lying behavior. The next is avoidance or stonewalling. This is one of the most kind of destructive behaviors that somebody can have in a relationship. If there's a problem that comes up or whatever and they just completely shut down, they won't talk to you about it. They won't have a conversation with you about it. They get angry if you try to talk to them about it. That is a serious, serious problem that will destroy the relationship from the inside out if that exists in the relationship from a man or a woman. So you just don't wanna have that from either side. Next one is manipulation. And that's a problem for a number of different reasons. So a lot of women come to me because they wanna learn some kind of manipulation techniques and some of the stuff that you can learn from me, you could use as manipulation techniques. However, that's not the foundation for a good relationship. That will destroy your relationship if you use it in a harmful way with a man. And that's what the difference is between influence or inspiration and manipulation is that there's some kind of malicious or hurtful intent behind it. There's some kind of destruction to what's going on in the situation behind it. You're trying to knock somebody down. You're trying to hurt someone. You're trying to lower their value. You're trying to put them in a position where they're in pain. That is a problem. So let's talk about why these, because notice I talked about how it's a pattern, right? Patterns of these are the problem. One time isn't necessarily a problem. It's a red flag. So a red flag means, hey, this is something that you need to pay attention to. A pattern says this is something that's ingrained in this person's behavior long-term and they're gonna continue doing this no matter what. So you need to realize that if you're getting with this person, this is something that they may have for the rest of their lives. They're definitely gonna have it until something happens where they feel like they absolutely need it to change. And so, like I said, we all have things that come up, right? We all make mistakes. We all will lie about something sometimes because we're in a bad mood or we're put into a weird situation where we feel like lying is better than telling the truth or we might, you know, a lot of people will cheat not because they're kind of destructive and angry and mean and manipulative people, but maybe because they haven't experienced intimacy with their partner for years and they got to a space where they're feeling just so bad that they end up doing it. And I'm not justifying the idea of cheating behavior. However, you have to realize that it might not be a pattern. It might just be a one-time thing because they're in a situation that was really, really harmful or painful to them. And so they did it as kind of a lashing out method because they didn't know what else to do. They felt like they weren't in control of their lives and their situation. And so they did something like that. And so you wanna look at these things. Are they patterns or are they one-time things? And if they're one-time things, then it could be okay. For instance, a lot of women, I was telling this story not too long ago where there's this guy who, I met him at this Airbnb one time. I was in Denver, Colorado at an Airbnb. And there was this couple that was there and they were getting married. And I was just, whenever I see people like that, I always wanna ask them about what's going on, how they met, all that kind of stuff. I'm just super nerdy around relationships that way. And the guy was like, yeah, I met her on this dating app and I lied about my age on the dating app, which we ended up, or no, he lied about his height. He lied about his height on the dating app. And his fiance was like, yeah, if he wouldn't have lied about that, I would have never met him and I would have never fallen in love and realized that he was an amazing guy that I wanted to be with. And so it's one of those things where it can be a problem, right? If he lies about everything, she finds out that he's lying all the time. It can be a really big problem. But if he's lying about one thing and it's kind of justified and it's like, well, that could happen, right? Cause this is another story altogether, but there's kind of this thing where a lot of women will be like, okay, if you're not six foot tall, I'm not even gonna meet you, right? Where it's not about the height for them. It's really about feeling like they're safe and protected and loved by a man. And sometimes guys get that, right? They know that if he's five foot 11, he's going to not meet a lot of women online because a lot of women, their point is six foot tall, even if they're four foot nine, right? So anyway, I'm not gonna beat a dead horse. The point is, is that you wanna look for patterns. Is it one time thing or is it a pattern? Number two is disrespect. So talking down to you, and by the way, if you're here with us right now, say hi and tell us where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see so many women from all over the world watching these live streams. Number two is disrespect. So talking down to you, disregarding your time, your energy, your efforts, your standards or your boundaries. And again, like I said before, we'll talk about how to deal with this kind of stuff in a little bit. Flirting with other women in front of you that is just incredibly, incredibly disrespectful. If you have some boundaries or you have some standards and a guy just totally tries to steamroll you on those standards or those boundaries or he starts talking down to you like you're a child or something like that. Just don't put up with that kind of stuff or if he makes you the butt of some kind of joke in front of a whole bunch of other people, right? That's a huge problem. If you wanna have a man that values you, you have to value yourself enough to walk away from the table when respect is no longer being served. And so you wanna make sure that you value yourself. And if you value yourself, if you really believe in your value, you'll walk away from situations, you'll set up boundaries, you'll have standards and you will communicate when those standards and boundaries are being violated if a guy is not living up to those things and if you want to be respected long-term. So number three is lack of masculine presence. And in my opinion, in my opinion, this is a really, really important one. There are a lot of women out there. I think the whole feminist movement is against this one but let's talk about it for a second. So what are some masculine behaviors that a man would have? What are some masculine presence behaviors and what happens if those behaviors aren't there? So let's talk about a few of them. One is he doesn't stand up for you, right? He doesn't stand up for you around other people and what's going on. And he's just like, ah, she's in the wrong anyway or whatever, right? You want a guy who always like masculine behaviors are behaviors where he provides and he protects you, right? And so if he's not protecting you, if he's not standing up for you, that can be a problem long down the road, right? He doesn't take your side. That's another one. He doesn't take your side in arguments or fights or anything that's going on. You want him to take your side. He doesn't protect you and make you feel safe, right? Men and women, I don't know if you know this or not, but men and women have very different feelings around the idea of safety. Men rarely feel unsafe. Most men in a month, I've gone to seminars where they've done this before where they'll have a group of thousands of men and thousands of women there and they'll be like, okay, for the men, in the last month, how many of you have felt like you weren't safe in any situations and you get like one or 2% of the men who raise their hands and then they go to the women and they're like, women, how many of you have felt unsafe in situations in the last month something like 80, 90% of women end up raising their hand. They're like, yeah, I felt unsafe. I was here, I was there, I was next to this car. A lot of things that men take for granted are situations where a lot of women feel very, very unsafe and it's a big difference between men and women, right? Men, as men, I almost never feel like I'm unsafe, right? I can feel like I can take care of just about any situation, anywhere, you know, I was also in the military though, so I don't know. Anyway, you want him to protect you. You want him to show you that you're safe around him, right? That's something that most women want and you want that, right? Or him not owning you, right? This is another controversial one, right? Cause this masculine thing where a guy like owns you, he takes you, you're like his, right? He wants you, you're his and he's yours and that kind of a thing, right? It's kind of this ownership thing and there are a lot of people that are, for some reason it's a controversial thing. I think it's really attractive and sexy and most women I talk to do, however, there are a lot of people that are against that but it is, it's a masculine thing, right? He owns you, he takes you, it's like your mind, you know? You're protected, you're with me, you know? We're together, right? It's a really, really powerful thing or he doesn't have a base level of financial responsibility, right? Like we talked about this a lot because it's one of those things where a lot of women will get with these guys who they just, they don't have their finances together and how is he going to be a man? How is he gonna be the man in your relationship if he doesn't have a baseline level? It doesn't mean he needs to be rich or whatever but he needs to at least have it together, right? How is he going to be an adult in his life and for you and be a man for you if he doesn't even have his financial life together? It's a serious problem and my suggestion is that you make sure that the guy that you're with has that, right? And I know a lot of women who, and I think a lot of it's kind of spawned to keep referring back to feminism but I think a lot of it's kind of spawned from this idea of like, oh, we all wanna be like this equal thing, right? We wanna have this equality thing going on and we wanna be the same. We don't wanna have any kind of differences and I have never, like polarity, what I've learned and what I've seen, the pattern that I've seen that works is polarity. The pattern that I've seen that doesn't work is no polarity. Polarity creates passion and that could mean that you have a masculine woman and a feminine man or it could mean that you have a masculine man and a feminine woman. Either one of those polarities really work as long as that person in their core is that polarity and anything else doesn't work because there's no polarity and a lot of women wanna get into these relationships where they're like, well, I don't care if he's masculine and has these masculine behaviors and all that kind of stuff and I've never, ever seen it work out long-term. I've seen people stay together with it long-term but they always fight, it's always a problem. The woman's always just yelling at the guy, trying to fix the guy, trying to change the guy, trying to convince the guy to be better and different and all kinds of things and the guy's just exhausted from the woman of the relationship constantly doing that and whenever you talk to a woman five, 10 years down the road who's been in situations like this where there was no strong polarity there, they're always just like, I don't know what I was thinking, like I really want him to have a backbone, I really want him and she'll like to start describing masculine behaviors that she wants him to have because it's exhausting, right? It's exhausting for most women to be in their masculine all the time. If you get what I'm talking about, say I get it in the chat if you think that I'm totally crazy right now, go ahead and tell me that as well or tell me whatever questions you have and we'll talk about them here in a little bit. So the next one is that he, I think this is four. Number four is that he tolerates disrespect from you or from others. This is a really, really important one. This kind of goes along with the whole masculinity thing and being a strong, secure, masculine man. He's this rock, right? He's moving forward in his life. He knows what he wants and he doesn't allow other people to disrespect him. And if he does, it's a problem. If he allows you to disrespect him, if he allows other people to disrespect him, it's a sign that he doesn't really value himself. And he's certainly not strong in his masculinity and there's a mix of those two there, right? That he needs to have in order to really be strong and be a powerful man for himself and for the woman in his life. And if he allows you to treat him badly, that's a horrible sign. This relationship is not gonna go well long-term. It's gonna be painful. It's gonna be really, really painful. He needs to be able to stick up for himself even if it's around you or around other people, around anything else. He needs to have a strong, masculine backbone that he's willing to stand up for himself. So he doesn't stick up for himself around other people. He doesn't have boundaries. Like I said, he needs to be able to do these things. Number five is he doesn't align with you on the important thing. So he doesn't support you in who you are and who you want to become. It's really important, right? It's so important. I can't tell you how many kind of situations and relationships I see with people where the women will get with these guys and the guy doesn't support them at all and whatever she wants, right? And it becomes this huge point of contention. I actually have a friend who's married, right? And he ended up impregnating his wife long time ago, right? She wanted, she had all these dreams and goals and stuff and she ended up getting pregnant and now they have like four or five kids or something like that and she is miserable. She's miserable and she could be happy in the situation but he totally doesn't value her like who she's becoming or what she wants to become or who she wants to be or any of the things. And obviously, she has other things going on now, right? Cause she has kids and all that kind of stuff. And at the same time, it's like, you want to have a guy who supports you, who aligns with you, who wants to see you become the person that you want to become. And that's a very, in my opinion, it's a very, very important thing. It's important that you both align together and you're moving in the same kind of direction, right? And if you're both moving in the same direction, a lot of things can change. A lot of things in what is going to happen or what you want to have happen can change and the direction of your lives might change but you'll still be together on the same page in that. And that's really what you want. Another one is you don't have some agreements on the biggest areas of your life and so usually this looks like deal breakers, right? The whole kids or no kids or marriage, not marriage or religion or different religion or no religion or whatever those kinds of things are. So you have to figure out what your deal breakers are. And a lot of women, I see so many women do this and it always just blows my mind. I'm just like, what are you thinking, right? When women will come to me and they're like, oh yeah, we don't agree on all these things but he'll come around to it at some point, right? Or I'll meet women that are getting married and they'll be like, yeah, he didn't want to have kids but he will, he will or he didn't want to get married but I convinced him of it or whatever, right? So there's a whole bunch of deal breakers and you don't want to ignore the deal breakers. Don't ignore them, don't ignore them. I feel like that seems like obvious something but a lot of people don't realize it. They don't realize that you shouldn't ignore the deal breakers. They probably won't change, they probably won't change. So mental and emotional maturity, this is number six. I know I said there's only gonna be five of them but this is number six cause it's really, really important. And when I talk about maturity, I'm not talking about youthfulness cause in my opinion, we could all use a little bit more dancing and playing and having childlike awe and curiosity in our lives, right? I think that's very important. I think that's healthy. I think that's good for your soul and who you are as a human being. What I'm talking about are things like blaming other people for his actions, right? And there's kind of this thing out there right now where everybody's blaming like everybody's calling each other a narcissist, right? It's happening on both the men and women side. Everybody's like, you're a narcissist, you're a narcissist, you're a narcissist, right? And this is kind of one of the stereotypical behaviors for narcissists but it's one of those things where if they don't take responsibility and really own their own actions and who they are and what's going on in their life, it's gonna be a problem because you're eventually gonna be the person that he blames. And this goes for you too, right? If you blame other people and other circumstances and the world's happening to me and all that kind of stuff, then it's gonna be a problem for whoever your partner is down the road. The act of maturity is taking responsibility, taking ownership of one's life and what's happening to you and for you and what's going on in your life. It's very, very important. Or another one is staying on the surface level, right? Everything's surface level, you never get deep, right? You hear this with those hookup boys. I'm not gonna use the F word in here because YouTube will demonetize me but those hookup boys that you meet, I know you know who I'm talking about and I know many of you have gone and hooked up with these guys. But if you're hanging out with those guys, right? And they don't want to break the surface, right? Because there's things that they don't wanna talk about and they're scared of their deep emotions, they're scared of their past, they're scared of whatever. And it's a problem. This is gonna be a big problem down the road because they're hiding something, they're scared of something that's in themselves. That's why people get scared of talking about deep things, not because that deep things are scary but because they've been hiding from the truths that are in their heart and facing their past and facing things that are inside themselves for a long time. And so they stay on the surface level so that they don't have to go deep and deal with those emotions and the pain and all that kind of stuff that's within them and they just hold on to it for a long time. And eventually it ends up coming out because it has to. It has to, especially in a relationship. Relationships will test everything that's going on in your life. If you want to grow, get into a relationship. It's really easy to stay the same and not grow or even decline if you don't get into a relationship. If you wanna grow, get into a relationship. It will challenge you in ways that nothing else will. The next one is everything is about them, right? So everything's about him. This is emotional immaturity. It's all about me and what I want and what's going on with me and nothing that you want really matters and all that kind of stuff. They don't own their mistakes. This kind of goes along with the whole like not taking responsibility for things but not owning your mistakes. Like I screwed up, I messed up. This is a problem because it's really, really important. It's also kind of that righteousness thing. And I see it with both men and women not wanting to like, they wanna be right. I'm right, you're wrong and all that kind of stuff. It's toxic, it's toxic stuff completely. If you jump on that, I'm right and I always wanna be right and women are always right thing. Or if a guy does it, that's toxic behavior. Just that, that is a toxic pattern. It doesn't mean that you're toxic. It just means that you have a toxic pattern. Another one is putting others down, attacking. This doesn't work to, or he doesn't work to heal his past, right? So these are all things that show that he is an immature human being and you want someone who you can go through life with who has maturity, where he can face challenges with you and overcome them instead of cating or running away or creating more problems because of everything that's going on. So the, and then, so what do we do? What do you do in order to deal with these challenges and these problems and all these things that are going on with all these people and men and all that kind of stuff? What do you do? What do you do? Number one is that you don't try to fix them. One of the things that I see a lot, I mean, I see it over and over and over again with women is that they will be like, oh, I'm dating this guy and he's sleeping with my sister and he threw my dog out the window and won't bring my dog back in, right? And he, I don't know, he spends all this time at the casino and I don't know what other crazy stuff. There's tons of crazy stuff out there, right? And usually my first question is, okay, so why are you dating this guy? Why are you seeing this man, right? And they're like, well, I'm in love with them. And I'm like, you know, why don't, like love isn't the only thing, right? Just because you're attracted to a guy doesn't mean you should be with a guy. Just because you have strong, deep emotional feelings for a guy doesn't mean you should be with a guy. You need to use your head and your heart. Use both of them together, together. Omistia, you wanna use them together because that will help you so much in so many situations. Don't try to fix these guys. You're not gonna fix them. He might fix himself and he might come to you and he might be like, hey, I wanna fix myself for you, but he's not likely to do that if you stay with him. And so if you stay with a guy, right? The usual motivation for people to heal themselves and grow and become more mature and a better human being is that they're afraid that either one, they're gonna lose somebody because they don't do it. Or two, they lost somebody because they didn't do it and they want that person back or they want a new person, right? And so if you try to fix them and if you stay with them, you're like, I'm gonna go through this with you, right? But he doesn't wanna go through it. Guess what? He's not gonna go through it. And so you don't wanna stay with guys who have serious patterns. Instead, what you wanna do is set standards. You wanna have standards. And I talk all about this in a whole bunch of different videos and live streams. And some of my live events, we're doing live events now too. By the way, if you haven't heard about them yet, we are doing live events. The next one is going to be January 30th to, or 23rd to the 24th. That's the next live event. It's gonna be awesome. Stay tuned for that. But I talk about standards in a lot of different things. And the way that you set standards, there's a ton of different ways to do it, but just talk about things that you want, right? Things that you aren't willing to accept. People that you don't date, people that you do date, what you like, what you don't like. Those are preferences, right? There's a whole bunch of different ways to talk about standards. And you wanna set standards and let them know that you have standards and stick to those standards. The next one is setting boundaries, right? If a guy breaks through one of your standards or does something that maybe you didn't even have it as a standard, but now it makes you feel uncomfortable or it hurts you or something like that, you wanna have boundaries and you wanna be able to communicate those boundaries and let him know that you have those boundaries. And if you have any questions about boundaries, tell me a situation in your life that where you need to set a boundary and we will help you set that boundary. And then the last one is walk away if needed. And walking away doesn't necessarily mean staying away. It just means if a situation isn't serving you, if a guy's not treating you right or whatever, you walk away from the situation. The most powerful position that you can be in of all positions out there is the position where you are willing to walk away from a situation that no longer serves you. And if you're willing to do that, you are a powerful human being. All right, so if you have any questions or anything, just ask them in the chat and I will go over the questions here in a second. I'm gonna go through the different ones again and then we will go on to your questions, whatever questions you have. So number one, five behaviors that you should never tolerate in a man. There's actually six of them. I'm just over delivering here for you. So number one is long-term toxic patterns. Number two is disrespect. Number three is lack of masculine presence. Number four is he tolerates disrespect from you or others. Number five is he doesn't align with you on the important things. Number six is that he's mentally and emotionally immature. And what do you do about it? You don't try to fix some, you set standards, you set boundaries and you walk away if needed. So that is it. So those are the five. So what questions do you have here that you want me to ask? So lots of people from all over the world. Betty from Zambia, Nash says, very correct, man. Well, thank you. Lisa Marie says, yeah, I felt unsafe. Madejati says, Bangladesh. Cool, Greece. Cool, it's cool seeing all these women all over the world. So cool seeing all these people. Yep, hi, hi. Hi from Florida, Deanna says, he protects me even crossing the street, walking down steps, walking down the street, opening doors, et cetera, right? That is him in his masculine. He's like, hey, I wanna make sure you're okay, right? You're walking down these steps. I grab your hand and I lead you down the steps, make sure that you're okay going down the steps. You're crossing the street, whatever, opening doors. He's making sure that you're taking care of, right? That is his masculine that is coming out. And if you've never experienced that before, it's really powerful and it's really, really important that that exists there. Absolutely. Yep, hello, hello, hello. Hello, Emma. Lisa Marie says, I think it's best to stay single until you know it's right or see the guy casually until it's right to pull together as exclusive. Yeah, and it depends on what you mean by casually. If you mean that you hook up with a guy, I suggest you do not do that, right? Too many women end up getting emotionally attached to men and that this is what I was talking about, right? There's all these flags and there's these patterns and they're like, oh my God, right? But I'm in love. I'm so in love with this man and I'm gonna stay with them because I've been hooking up with them, right? You don't wanna do that. You do not want to do that. Remember, exclusivity is not commitment. Exclusivity is not a relationship. So if you're exclusive with a guy, you're not in a relationship with them and always remember that. Oh, and by the way, if you wanna check out my program, I don't even promote it anymore. I'm like, just come check out my program. It's called the forever woman at theforeverwomanformula.com. It's a great program. Everybody seems to love it. So check it out. So Thuto says men should be protecting women and children but how can society groom a man to be responsible? Why do we experience so much abuse and violations from our man? How can they be changed? So that is an absolutely great question, Thuto. And I don't think that, especially in Western culture, and the more that other countries kind of take Western culture on, Western culture is especially American culture, which is the dominant culture in the world right now. Western culture, American culture is super idealistic. It's super idealistic. It's about the individual, right? And the individual rules over everything. And so it's a really big problem because you can't really kind of influence people as a society as well when everybody kind of can do whatever they want to. And there's no like social cohesion there in that. And so it's a really, really big challenge in that way. And society's probably not gonna be grooming men to be responsible and be good men. That's probably not gonna happen anytime in the near future. What we need is for men, for boys to have fathers again. That's what we need. Right now, there are more boys being raised by single mothers than ever before, more boys being raised by parents that just are completely absent, right? Even if they are there physically, they're not there emotionally or mentally or helping the child raise the child. The parents are just taking these kids and throwing them in front of television sets and computers and video games and going, okay, don't do anything bad, good luck, right? And then they leave. And that's a really bad situation for children to be in. That's how I grew up, right? That's where I grew up. I didn't have a father figure that taught me anything in my life. And so I had to learn these things for myself from joining the military and being a part of the men's dating community and deciding what I thought was right and wrong, right? Religion used to do a lot of these things and religion is becoming less and less prevalent in Western society every single year. And so really it's a difficult challenge. It's a really, really difficult challenge. And the best way would be to have fathers again. That would be the best way to do this, but you'd have to have fathers that were responsible, strong, masculine fathers, which there aren't a whole lot of that going on. So it's a really difficult challenge. It's a really difficult challenge right now to deal with. And so I'm not sure exactly what the answer is, but we will see, we'll see what happens. So, hey, Kristen, hey, Monica, hey, Mary. Wow, they're just, I mean, from everywhere. Jen says, I do, I need a manly man. Well, good, manly men are great, right? So Deanna says, no, I want the man to take charge. Well, good. Holly says, you can't change a person. Well, I don't know if I totally agree with that, but it's a lot easier if the person wants to do it. If the person wants to change, it's definitely easier. And you particularly are probably not going to change the man because it takes a very specific kind of skill set in order to help somebody change in that way. And so if you don't have that skill set, it can be really, really difficult. Nicole says, this is so true. Lots of people get it here, get it, get it, get it. I get it, I get it. Refreshing, lots of people get it, get it, get it, get it. Happy new year, happy new year to you, Stacy. I get it, Sir Matt. I love it when people call me Sir Matt. I don't know why, but I just absolutely love it. Emma says, I more than get it. Men don't like a strong woman. Well, it depends on what you mean by a strong woman. If you mean like a masculine woman, then masculine men will not want that long-term, right? They don't want that long-term. If you're talking about like strong within yourself, confident, you know, you have a strong sense of will and humanity to yourself, I don't think that's true because that's not what it's about, right? What attracts a man is because it's really interesting because we tend to do things that we think the other people want, right? So, or we think that we want, right? So we want things and we think that the other person wants the same things that we want. So we do those things, right? And I hear this all the time from women where they're like, they'll be like, I have everything together. You know, why am I not attracting a man? Like name a whole bunch of things that women normally look for in men, right? And they're like, well, I have all these things that I would normally look for in a man. Why am I not attracting a man? And I'm like, because men don't look for the things that you look for in a man, right? Men look for things that they want in a woman. And usually that comes with feminine grace and connection and feeling emotions and love and all kinds of other things, right? And it's just a different thing. It's a totally different dynamic. And so if you are trying to, and this is usually what I hear from women who are in their masculine or they're trying to, they're trying to give a man or show traits to a man that they're attracted to. And they're like, oh, I wanna be strong but men don't like strong women. Well, strong men may not have anything to do with it. Depending on what you mean by strong. But the thing is, is he's looking for, he's looking for somebody that's feminine. He's looking for somebody that connects with him. He's looking for someone who connects with his emotions and makes him feel alive and makes him feel like you're different and special and unique and amazing. And if you're not doing those things, then it's gonna be, it's gonna be a really, really big challenge that for you to attract a guy when you're focusing on these things that guys aren't even attracted to, right? But you think men should be attracted to you for those things. Just doesn't work that way. It's never worked that way and it's never going to work that way. Biology doesn't work that way. So here's a question for everybody. What is some progress that you have made in your life recently? What's some progress? Where have you grown some in your life? Where have you made some progress? Where have you changed some thoughts or beliefs or felt better about yourself or could be in dating? What, where have you made some progress in your life lately? Just put it in the chat. Tell me in the chat where you have made some progress lately. Karen says, I get it. Ben, they're done that. It is exhausting. Eventually you lose respect for them. Exactly. Yep, been in too many relationships with men who weren't manly. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Hello, hello, I get it. I'm totally crazy. Are you talking to me? Rachel, Rachel, are you telling me I'm crazy? Thudow says, I get it. Matt, your advice is on point. Well, thanks. Yes, he is, he's talking. Emma, not strong. I think the word is masculine, exactly. Exactly. So Sherry says, my friend is moving slow and I appreciate it. How slow is too slow? Where do I cut the slow tape or do I? Well, it depends, Sherry, about what you mean by slow. And you're talking about a friend, right? You're a friend and he's moving slowly. If he's a friend, are you talking, are you physically intimate with this friend or are you not physically intimate with this friend? Are you waiting for him to move forward in the relationship or are you waiting for him to move forward with physical intimacy or romance? And those are two completely different things. And if you're in the States, the United States or the West in general, it's possible that he's waiting for permission. He's waiting for you to give him permission because he doesn't want to be accused of sexual assault or end up having the Me Too movement, show up at his door or any of that kind of stuff, right? Get fired from his job. And so it's one of those things where you can do things, if that's what you're talking about, if you want a romantic situation and you don't have a romantic situation, that's a very, very easy thing to overcome for you, right? Because you can start changing the dynamic of things. If right now he is a friend and you want him to be more than a friend, you want him, you wanna have a romantic shell around your interactions with him, all you have to do is start creating romantic shells around that interaction, or all you have to do is accuse him of being into you. And I was actually watching this men's dating coach the other day, his YouTube channel. And he was talking about this guy who was in the friend zone with eight different women, right? And he just like went to these women one by one and started hitting on them, which he hadn't ever done in years, right? And all of a sudden, all these women were like, I thought you were gay, you know? Like, yeah, I've always wanted to be romantic with you, right? It was really, really funny watching that. And a lot of guys, right? He didn't know, he didn't know that he was supposed to do certain things. He was kind of like waiting for something to happen, waiting for women to give him permission, waiting to see if there was a romantic connection there. And he didn't know. And so as a woman, it's really, really easy for you to do that. All you have to do is like accuse him of things, right? Like accuse him of checking you out. That's a really fun one, where if he's walking behind you or he's looking at you, all you have to do is go, are you checking me out right now? Or go, stop checking me out. And most guys, especially if he's a nice guy, would be like, whoa, I wasn't checking you out. You can be like, don't worry, I like it, right? And basically what you're doing there is you're giving him permission. Cause he doesn't know whether he was checking you out or not. I mean, he has no idea. He might've been, right? But he was looking at you and you're like, are you checking me out? And he's like, whoa, you know, or you might be like, yeah, you know, or he might be like, no, either one, it doesn't matter. All you have to say next is, I like it. Don't worry, I like it. And what that does is all of a sudden it creates a romantic frame around your situation. And I have a whole bunch of things like that. I have a whole bunch of stuff like that. We're actually gonna be talking about it in the next event. And if you haven't picked up my program yet, you can do it for free. It's called the forever woman formula. You can check it out at the foreverwomanformula.com. Go watch the video there. You can get the program for free. If you wanna stay a part of the community and get coaching and all that kind of stuff, there's a fee attached to it. But if not, you can just keep the program for nothing. It's free. Stephanie says, what happens if he hates it when he gets disrespected and is always preaching about respect, but he has no problem disrespecting me as his partner? Well, what you need to do is start standing up for yourself and having boundaries and believing in your own value, Stephanie. Because if you aren't standing up for yourself and what you want and being respected, nobody else will. And so what you need to do is decide today that you are no longer going to allow yourself to be in a situation where a man is disrespecting you. And so what you need to do is you need to communicate because he may not know that he's disrespecting you. He may, he may not. But you need to communicate what you want, what's respectful, what's not respectful. You need to set a boundary. And if he continues to do it, you need to walk away and let him know that it's unacceptable behavior and that you say what happens if he hates, what happens is you either decide that you're gonna stand up for yourself and what you want and being respected and being valued or you're gonna stay in a situation where you're being disrespected. Those are the only two things, right? You're either gonna take a stand for being respected or you're gonna be disrespected, probably in any relationship forever. Mila Elina says, me says I get it better than words can explain. You nailed it tired of weak men. Adriel says, how do you stop your man over committing than under delivering and why do you think he does it? Depends on what you mean by over committing than under delivering. So telling you, giving you big promises and then showing up with small results. Well, I mean, that's a conversation that you need to have, Avril with your man. How do you stop him from doing it? Well, if he's in a pattern, then that's something that's gonna continue going on with him for the rest of his life until one, he gets awareness around it. So this is what a human being needs in order to change a pattern. One, he needs to know that he's doing it, right? If he doesn't know that he's over promising and under delivering, that's not gonna change at all. Two, he needs to reach a threshold, an emotional threshold. He needs to feel like it's something that absolutely needs to change. And so how does someone experience that something is so bad that it absolutely needs to change? How does somebody experience that? If you are doing something, if you are in a pattern, let's say that you're in a pattern of dating guys that just wanna hook up with you. How do you change it? How do you get to a place where you are like, hey, this is a must. I absolutely must change this. I'm no longer willing to accept my own pattern. There has to be, here's the answer. The answer is there has to be enough pain. You have to experience enough pain from your past and look into your future and say, this pain is not only going to still be there, but it's gonna get worse. And if you can see that in your past, there's enough pain in the future that it's gonna create so much pain and prevent you from living the life that you really wanna live, then at some point you'll hit enough, you'll hit a threshold where you're like, I can't stand this anymore. I'm not gonna do it anymore. This has to change. And then you have to be able to see an alternative because if there's no alternative there, then you're just gonna go back into the old pattern. So let's talk about this guy, right? So how do you stop the man from over committing and then under delivery? The question is, how big of a problem is this in your relationship? If it is a massive problem in your relationship, then it's something that you wanna address, right? Find out what's going on with your man. Find out who your man is and what's important to him, right? Our relationship is his relationship with you important. Is his relationship to his kids important or to his nephew or to somebody else is achieving something really great in his life, really important. And what you wanna do if you, I mean, maybe you don't wanna do this, but what you can do is you can communicate with him and talk to him about it and let him see or have him show you what kind of pain he's experienced in his past as a result of doing this behavior, right? Which the behavior is over committing and then under delivering. And then show him and ask him and talk to him about how this behavior is going to impact him in the future if he continues doing it. And at some point, the guy will either say that, okay, you know what? I'm gonna do something about it. I'm gonna change it. I'm gonna change it right now. Or he'll continue going, you know what? It doesn't matter. It's okay, we'll figure it out, all that kind of stuff. And then you have to decide whether his behavior is so bad that you wanna walk away from it or whether you're gonna continue dealing with it if he thinks it's not a big deal. And then what needs to happen if he doesn't think it's a big deal and it's big enough for you to walk away from, then that's something that you have to decide, right? You have to decide that. And if you decide to walk away, he may change himself in order to be with you again. There's a good possibility that that will happen. But there's also a good possibility that he won't, right? There's a book that came out. It was called Change or Die. And in this book, they talked about all these patients that would come to these doctors and they had life-threatening illnesses, right? You're gonna die because you've got this diabetes but you will not stop drinking Coca-Cola or you are gonna die because you've got lung disease but you keep smoking or you're gonna die because whatever, right? Some kind of life-threatening illness. And there's this, they're like, you're gonna die if you do not do this, if you do not make a change. And the overwhelming majority of people, I think it was like in the 90% or high 80%ile of people would not change. They would not change whatever pattern they were in, whatever bad behavior they were doing in order to save their own lives, right? Most people will not stop a pattern in order to save their own lives. You have to remember that, right? You have to remember that with these people. And if you're like, hey, I want him to change and I want him to do something, you know, you're in this situation where you're trying to fix a guy, right? And you're like, okay, how do I fix this guy? Just remember that he's more likely to die than change his behavior, right? And the motivation for him changing that behavior is usually being in a relationship or being with a woman. That said, it is possible to get enough leverage on a guy to make him want to change but you have to have those things. He has to be aware, he has to see that it's been painful in the past and that it's going to create a lot of pain in the future and it's going to prevent him from having and doing and being whatever he wants to have, do and be. And then he has to have an alternative, right? He has to hit an emotional threshold and then he has to have some kind of alternative behavior that will replace his current behavior that he can get into a habit of. So I hope that explains it, Averal. We kind of got lost on that chat there but I hope that helps. And so you gotta decide, you gotta decide. Rachel says she gets it, Gabby tells me that I look handsome. Well, thank you Gabby, I appreciate that. Lisa Marie says, oh my God, yes, oh my God, yes. KK says, what about if he is protecting his new female friend guy used to do this treatment towards me? Wait, what? What if he is protecting his new female friend guy used to do, I don't know what you're saying, KK. Nicole says, yes, I can relate. Marzenka says, amen, amen, amen, hallelujah. Cleaning fairy 1970, that's an interesting name. Says, I refuse to settle. Well, you should refuse to settle. KK says, wait, Matt, were you in the military? I was, I was, I was in the Iraq war, Iraq war. Kirsten says, I get it, 15 years of marriage with a narcissist about to get divorced. Okay, is he says, Jen Hunter, yeah, watch the replay. Do it, watch the replay. Hello, pray, hey, hey, hey pray, hey pray. North of Toronto, hello, hello, hello. Deanna says, what about a guy who is divorced for four years but still has hurt over his ex? Who took off with his best friend and married him. He's good to me and I believe he is monogamous, but we didn't get the rest of your conversation here, Deanna. Jen says, I'm struggling and ignoring the deal breakers right now. Yeah, you gotta stop, you gotta stop that, Jen. You gotta stop that, Jen. Here's my advice to you, stop it. Stop it right now, stop ignoring the deal breakers. Stop it, Jen, just stop it, just stop it. Emma gets it, Annette says, hi, useful information. Yep, do, do, do. Rachel says, you need to have the same vision. Yeah, it needs to align, right? It doesn't have to be exactly the same, but you have to have an alignment there. And the more you spend time with each other, if it's aligned, the more it'll start going either in the same direction or it'll start veering off. And either one is fine, right? Depending on what it is that you want in your life. But it's very important that you have an alignment there. Amanda says, I have been with my man for four years. We got engaged two years ago. Every time I would bring it up, he would blow me off. Only to find out that he had been chatting up another woman and she says that they had sex, but he swears they hadn't. He has told me he needs space to figure things out, but every time I try to leave, he will tell me he loves me and wants me to stay. I'm so confused. Well, Amanda, there's nothing confusing about your situation here. Your man is probably cheating on you and he is just torn because he wants his emotional needs to continue to be met by you and he also wants space where he's probably trying to figure out what he's going to do. And so you need to figure out what you're going to do here. And the first thing that you need to figure out is whether this situation is really serving you right now or not. And if it's not, then my suggestion is that you get out, just get out of the situation. Get out, Amanda, you want to get out of the situation. I noticed I hadn't been singing and I know that a lot of you love my singing, so I figured I'd just do that. Cassandra says, if only I knew how to get into a relationship. Well, it's not hard. It's not hard to get into a relationship. It can be challenging to find the right people, but you can get into one pretty easily. Thudo says, how can I make my boyfriend face his past and open up emotionally to me? So you're not going to make him face his past, Thudo. That's not going to happen. And in order to heal, he doesn't necessarily need to face his past, but he has to want to heal. He has to want to deal with his past. Maybe that's what you mean by facing it, because I've kind of used that term as well. And what he has to do is he has to want to heal. He has to want to feel whole. He has to want to be able to open up. And if you're giving him all of his needs, if you're meeting all of his emotional needs, and you're not making it a requirement that he has to open up emotionally and get vulnerable, which is something that in my opinion, you should have required before you became boyfriend, girlfriend with him, then it's unlikely that he's going to deal with that, right? Because he's getting everything he wants without doing what he doesn't want. What he doesn't want is to deal with his past. And what he does want is to get all of his emotional needs met and be with you and all that kind of stuff. And so as long as he can get everything he wants and not deal with what he doesn't want, then he's probably not going to deal with what he doesn't want. That's the problem. And so you have to change that situation through them. That's what you have to do. Amanda says, I know I should, I just don't know how to. You do know how to, Amanda. You just don't want to face it. It's easier to stay comfortable and keep yourself in the same situation than decide that you're going to do something new and change, and change, and change your situation, which is understandable, right? We've all been there. I mean, who hasn't been there? Who hasn't been there? I don't know anybody that hasn't been there. I've been there. Everybody else has been there. KK's been there. Pthudo's been there. Who else has been there? Jen's been there. Rita's been there. You gotta face it, right? You have to decide that being comfortable with what situation you're in is no longer more important than having what it is that you want. You have to decide that being connected to this man is no longer more important than having the relationship that you want. You have to decide that the relationship that you want is more important than all of these other things that you're hanging onto. That's what you have to do. So that's it for this video. We've reached the hour. Thank you, everybody, for being here. I hope you enjoyed this video. If you haven't picked it up yet, make sure you go check out the Forever Woman formula at theforeverwomanformula.com. It's always great to see you and have you be a part of our community. The women in our community are some of the most amazing, beautiful, awesome, special, great women in the world. Thank you so much for being here and honoring me with allowing me to help you on your journey. That's what I was gonna say. So thank you so much and I will speak with you again soon. And always remember, you...