 You know oftentimes conflicts can seem really counterproductive when you're paddling in the different direction as the other person And it just always seems like such a hassle and slows things down or messes everything up But it doesn't have to we have different strategies that we can use to manage conflict So that's really what I want to talk about in this video is how do we employ these different conflict management strategies to help us? effectively Engage in conflict constructively so that it can be a positive can be a benefit to this relationship Let me just remind you real quick. We talked about this in a previous video But conflict is an expressed struggle between Interdependent parties involving the perception of incompatible goals scarce resources and interference That's what we're talking about when we define conflict relationally here So with that in mind and you can go back and review that and find out more about the nature of conflict in that other video But in this video want to focus on these conflict management strategies and there are five that we're going to discuss The first is what we call avoiding. We just avoid the conflict. We just we just don't engage, right? This is really what we would call a lose-lose situation not only using losing the conflict Nobody's gaining anything in that conflict Nobody's finding any resolution in that conflict But you're also then forced to kind of avoid that relationships you're losing that relationship as well It's really a lose for both people in this scenario sometimes, you know, it's unavoidable Unavoidable to avoid if there's really no solution and it's really can't handle it any more than maybe avoiding could be an option But probably your last choice probably your last resort Hopefully in conflict management strategies Another one that we can engage in is called accommodating accommodating where we say we call this a lose win where we lose and the other person wins But you know depending on the circumstances, it doesn't have to be all that bad sometimes accommodating is You know, you know, the other person really wants this thing and it's not that critically important to you So you give in to them You'd let them have whatever it is that can really benefit a relationship when that person sees you Being willing to to give that up and give that to them because you see their need and their goals And you're willing to set your own needs and goals aside for them That can be really powerful and can strengthen a relationship We do have to be careful though that we're not doing it to become sort of a martyr So to speak that we're not just giving of ourselves and then building that resentment though over that You know where we constantly say well now I'm giving and giving and giving and and not getting anything in return that can that can build resentment so we want to be careful and accommodating that we're doing so with a willing heart and and out of Out of our own desire to do so and not out of some pressure or forcefulness to do so But we can accommodate and that can really benefit a relationship in the right circumstances So we can lose and let the other person win We can also engage in competing which is just what it sounds like we go after it Both people go after it one person comes out on top. We call this a win-lose one person's gonna win The other person's gonna lose But it can degrade Potentially into a lose-lose Depending on how we handle it and depending on the long-term effects of that relationship We may win the battle but lose the war if we get what we want out of that specific situation because we competed We won but at the same time we've damaged that relationship to where it's you know, at least temporarily Out of out of whack or potentially leads the termination of that relationship We have to weigh that against you know, was that really worth it? Was that really a win for me? So potentially we could win in the short run and lose in the long run So we need to be cautious of that when we engage in competing But sometimes we don't have a choice if they're truly are scarce resources There's not enough to go around both people truly want that then you may have to compete Or if it's what you know is best for the other person, you know You have a friend who's been drinking and they don't want to give up their keys But you're forcing them to you know Sometimes you don't have any option but to compete But when we can avoid it we'd rather find a different way because it can degrade into that lose lose and lead to feelings of resentment Next we get one that's a little complicated Compromise and compromise has a has developed a good reputation We sell the compromise is good and it's not always bad, you know But in compromise by definition both parties get some of what they want but not all of what they want Everybody involved is going to give up some of what they want So it may serve as a short-term resolution when I call a Band-Aid in some instances, right? We get you know, if you and I both want the last coke in the refrigerator And uh, and so we decide well, let's just split it. That's fair, right? We'll just split it. We'll compromise. We'll each have half of the coke that's left there And so we do that but I get through drinking my half of the coke and I'm thinking gosh I'm so thirsty. I wish I had that other half of the coke and now all of a sudden You're the jerk who kept me from having that whole coke even though I agreed to it We compromised and now I'm still a little resentful, right? So next time I may not be as helpful or you know, you may see some passive aggressive behavior sneak in there So we need to be cautious with compromising if it's something that's Major if it's a if it's a big aspect of the relationship or it's something that's very important to both parties Maybe giving up some of it isn't the best Option and so if that's the case if you really need to fully engage so that everybody's getting everything they want That's not compromised by definition compromise Everybody's giving up a little bit of something But if we all really resolve to get everything that we want out of this then we can engage in collaborating Now collaborating is this is a conflict management strategy where you work until everybody gets everything that they want out of that situation Now is this always possible? No, if there truly is only one coke left then Collaborating might not work because you can't both have the whole coke if there's only one left Now you could come with come up with a solution where you get something else or you go out and buy some more coke It's not that scarce a resource, right? But there are larger issues where collaborating Serves as a cure to that conflict rather than the band-aid of compromise Again compromise and you get to the end of that and you realize you've given something up You may be a little hurt resentful You may have wanted more but collaborating can serve as a cure because by definition in collaborating All parties are getting all of what they need or satisfying all of their goals in that situation Now it's time consuming it can be it can be hard. It can be draining It can take a lot of energy But it can be worth it when the circumstances call for it to find a cure to that conflict rather than a band-aid We're going to do a whole separate discussion on collaborative conflict management And and the benefits of that how we go the step-by-step process for going about that So we're going to talk more about collaborating in a separate in a separate video here For now, I just want to show you just we lay these out on a grid sometimes of you know Concern for self and concern for others and where all of these strategies fall there You can see the collaborating falls on on the highest degree of both Both concern for you because you're getting what you want and concern for others because they're getting all of what they want As opposed to when we accommodate others get what they want and we don't or when we're competing It's possible that we're going to get what we want and they won't and so forth, right? And you can see compromises right in the middle because nobody's getting all of what they want They're getting some of it But you know, we need to consider where this falls on the spectrum and think about How important are these things to me? How important are they to the other person? What's the the best resolution here for a lasting? Resolution and beneficial constructive resolution to this conflict If you have questions about the conflict management strategies or anything else related to conflict Please feel free to email me and be happy to speak with you there In the meantime, I hope that you have a better understanding of conflict The different types of strategies that we can use each of which can be effective in the appropriate circumstances We just have to then be able to identify Which is going to be the best and most beneficial for the relationship in this particular circumstance