 This week on the anxious truth. We're going to talk about clarifying what you want when you ask for more information about a particular topic. So let's go Hello, everybody. Welcome back to the anxious truth. This is episode number 271 of the podcast We are recording in August of 2023 in case you are listening or watching in the future Welcome. I am Drew lince a lot a creator and host of the anxious truth This is the podcast that covers all things anxiety anxiety disorders and anxiety recovery So if you are new here and you just stumbled upon this YouTube channel or this podcast and you're struggling with things like recurring panic attacks Or health anxiety or OCD. This is the place for you. I hope you find what we're doing here Helpful or useful in some way. Of course, if you are a returning listener, welcome back as always. I'm glad that you're here Thank you for your continued support today We're going to talk about that thing which is really common in this community where you have read books about a topic Seen social media posts about a topic listen to four podcast episodes about a topic seen 16 videos about a topic and then when I say does anybody have Questions for me. You say can you talk more about? Now that's really common. You're not doing something wrong You're not committing a crime if you ask me or people who sound like me to talk more about the topic that bothers you the most But today we're going to talk about trying to gain a little clarity as to what exactly you're looking for when you want more Information about a thing you've already gotten quite a bit of information about So before we get into that just a quick reminder as always you guys are probably tired of this pitch at this point But I want to remind you that the anxious truth is more than just this video or this podcast episode on my website at the anxious Truth comm there was a ton of other resources ton of other content a lot of things designed to help you out There are books that I've written about anxiety and recovery. There are workshops and courses There are 270 previous free podcast episodes There are links over to the disordered podcast that I do with Josh Fletcher There are links to all of my other social media platforms all the goodies are there on my website at the anxious truth comm so if You're new here, and you this is the first contact you've had head on over there and check it out Evaluate yourself of all the resources. I think they're helpful people tell me that they are so check it out so what happens if you have a particular Particular aspect of your anxiety that's bothering you more than any other Maybe you have a particular symptom that you think is scariest Maybe you have a particular thought that you cannot seem to shake that disturbs you the most Maybe you have a particular challenge that you cannot seem to overcome because it seems to be the most difficult and scariest thing for you And when somebody like me goes out on a social media platform and says hey I'm gonna answer questions today who wants to ask me questions, and you reply with can you talk more about? Dot dot dot whatever your issue happens to be What exactly are you looking for now? That's not accusatory. I'm not trying to tell you like what don't don't say that to me That's totally fine to ask that question or that's totally fine to make that request But at some point in the recovery process It could be really helpful if we step back from those requests, and we try to gain a little clarity in Terms of what we're really looking for This is especially true now if you're brand new to this and you literally just stumbled upon this podcast And you've never heard anything like this before then by all means you ask those questions because you have not heard any of this before but if you have heard it before and I'm gonna use the example of sleep Anxiety around sleeping or not sleeping. Oh my goodness. I don't sleep enough So I'm gonna damage myself or I'm gonna be anxious tomorrow because I'm gonna be tired and I can't handle it Anybody who has anxiety around the topic of sleep, which is many many people in this community as an example We'll go and listen to the three four podcast episodes that I did in the last year about sleep including having a sleep physician on and talking to people who Overcome sleep anxiety and going over all of those things. They've maybe heard all of those things But often people will say Please talk more about sleep or please talk more about insomnia And in that situation you'd have to look at all of that information. That's already put out there and say, okay Well, I've heard all of the psycho educational information I'm not going to damage myself if I don't sleep enough I can still recover if I don't sleep enough being tired doesn't mean being in danger Yes, it's really scary to allow yourself to be tired and allow yourself to not sleep. I get it It that's hard to confront that again using sleep as an example We can apply this to almost any particular issue in this community But when you've heard all that and you say can you talk more about sleep anxiety or can you talk more about insomnia? You have to ask yourself. Well, what am I hoping to hear from Drew or whoever if it's not me Maybe it's somebody else. I've listened to these four sleep anxiety podcast episodes on the anxious truth And I follow you I follow say Daniel Erickson on social media who specializes in sleep and sleep anxiety And I've gotten all this information, but I want more I need more information and in that situation We have to really say well, what would that what would that information tell me? There's a couple of things Historically that people are looking for when they make that request again. I'm not picking on you If you make that request, you're not bothering me. It doesn't insult me It doesn't annoy me. You can't annoy me. You can't bother me. You can't insult me. You can't hurt my feelings It's totally okay. So I understand that you're just looking for some relief But there's a couple of main categories or main themes in that relief seeking one is Okay, I've heard now 25 times that being tired in the morning because I I only got three hours of sleep isn't dangerous It's uncomfortable But the idea that this is going to damage me is not correct And I've heard that a bunch of times But my anxious brain is still convinced that Something is missing. There must be more information than that because it feels dangerous It feels like it's going to make me go a little closer to losing my sanity or have a psychotic break or develop a disease So again using this as an example. I've heard that a bunch of times. I have been given Expert information designed to educate me and assure me that my fear is not valid. It's twisted. It's magnified It's distorted. It's not correct. It's real. It's just not correct I'm but I want to hear it again So sometimes can you talk more about is a request to hear it again? That's where we get into that reassurance cycle. I know I've heard you say it before But can you say it again? Can you can you tell me again because it still feels like this is really wrong or this is really dangerous That's one reason why people will ask. Can you talk more about dot dot dot? another reason people will say can you talk more about is Not reassurance seeking in a compulsive way But there sometimes is a belief that like okay I've heard all the stuff and I I'm pretty sure that I know what I'm supposed to do now but I can't seem to bring myself to do it because it's really hard and it's really scary and It feels dangerous to take some action here and allow myself to not sleep or do a driving exposure or whatever It happens to be and I'm hoping that if you talk more about it It'll click and I will feel different Maybe less afraid or less threatened or more confident if you give me more words I'll feel more confident and I'll feel different so that now I'll be more likely to to act different to do the thing and That's a tough place to be because if you're hoping that you're gonna hear some other words That click in a way that make you feel different So that you'll feel more capable of acting different going toward the fear Surrendering tolerating floating all of those things doing the exposures You can wind up frustrating Frustrated and you can wind up in an endless never-ending search for more words more instructions more metaphors more explanations Hoping that it will somehow change your internal state so that you'll feel less afraid or more Capable or more competent to go and do this scary stuff and while it's okay to want encouragement I'm a huge fan of that like I'm happy to encourage you. I'm happy to try to inspire you I'm happy to try to empower you to take those leaps of faith to do those scary things those difficult things We people like me run out of words. We run out of ways to describe it That would somehow make you feel differently about doing hard things So if you're in a situation where you want to keep asking for more information Because you're hoping that I'll say something or whoever will say something that somehow makes you feel less afraid So that you can start to act and move toward recovery. You can wind up really frustrated Ask for encouragement Right ask for cheerleading like man. I've heard all of this stuff. I know what I have to do It scares the hell out of me. I'm not sure I can do it Can somebody please remind me that I'm okay, and I can do it That's probably a more productive thing to ask for can somebody please remind me that I can do this Like can somebody who's done it before me remind me that they were also scared and that they got through it So that I can use that as some bit of inspiration to get me going That's a little bit more productive than can you just talk more about The third thing that people tend to want is more instruction and I talked about this quite a bit Can you talk more about often means? Well, I get it. I understand the concept I understand that I have to take an action that I'm really afraid to take Understandably everyone's afraid to take the actions. It's okay. If you're afraid, that's not wrong and It seems so inconceivable to me to do this thing that I think I shouldn't do that Surely you can give me more detailed step-by-step minute-by-minute instructions on How to do this really scary thing that my brain insists I should absolutely not do and Unfortunately while that's a common thing that people ask for and again, I cannot blame you for that It's not a problem. None of this is an accusation or none of this is me like venting Oh, you're bothering me with those questions never never never never but Understand that if you are hoping that if I just keep talking about your scary issue I will somehow give you steps on how to do hard things You can also wind up frustrated and the issue here is not with me. I mean, I'm gonna keep podcasting I keep writing books. I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing I'm going to school to be a therapist and do all the things I'm gonna keep doing these things So it's okay for me, but for you the danger when you Want me to talk more about things or you want whoever people like me. I'm not just saying me You want to hear more about that topic even though you've already heard quite a bit about it The danger is for you not for us So it's not a problem for me But I'm trying to help you avoid a problem for you where you start to draw the conclusion. I'm never gonna get this I can't do it I'm not gonna get better and when your brain throws those thoughts at you What if I never recover if you get stuck in a cycle where you're constantly always asking for more Instructions or more clarification or more reassurance That what if I never get better thought can be really powerful and can catch on a little more Because you're stuck you're spinning your wheels trying to learn more and read more and check out more and watch more videos Can you do another podcast on I know I already listened to those three podcasts on a metaphobia, but can you talk more about it? That can lead you into a place where you are really being critical of yourself really judging yourself as incapable and More you're being more pessimistic about your recovery than you necessarily have to be Everybody has those down moments That's okay, but I'm trying to help you stay out of a trap where you are stuck in a cycle of always asking Wanting more reading more learning more listening to more Sometimes it comes out as not can you talk more about but when you get in a bind you immediately run for Whatever episode of the anxious truth or disordered or whatever your anxiety toolkit that you think is gonna help you and you run To it right away. That's another form of this in a way. I Just don't want you to get stuck in a place where that's not really helping you So you're not really necessarily moving forward and then you start to judge yourself as incapable of moving forward and that's not fair That's kind of heartbreaking to see people get to that So when you ask me, can you talk more about dot dot dot? That is not a problem for me But I if you have been at this for any extended amount of time and you find yourself continually asking me for More conversation about a topic you have been absolutely immersed neck deep in for months Ask yourself why and you might not just ask me to talk more about it Another common strategy there is well, I've heard Drew talk about it on four podcast episodes He did two live streams on it He posted about it a bunch of it on Instagram and now I'm also gonna go follow that person because they sometimes talk about it and that person and that person and I'll listen to That podcast too and I'll watch those videos and I'll follow that person on tiktok because they will talk about it also So even if Drew doesn't give me more words about it these 16 other people might and even though I read these three books already I'm gonna go and buy these four more books to read more about it. That is such a What's where I'm not gonna call it dangerous But there are pitfalls there in a big way and we've talked about this topic in different forms before but today I want to put it specifically in the context of the request. Can you talk more about? Again, just to clarify before I sort of wrap this up because that's about all I can say about this It's I'm just trying to trying to show you some red flags So you can steer clear of some some pitfalls that you don't have to entrap so you don't have to step in But when you are making those requests Why am I what am I asking for? Am I asking for? Instructions that are never gonna come because if you ask me how to ride a bike I can give you some basic instructions, but at some point you got to ride the bike, right? If you ask me how to build a house, I can give you basic instructions on building house sooner or later You have to actually hammer those nails. So am I looking for more instructions that are probably never gonna come? Am I looking for more assurance even though? I've gotten Daily assurance for the last three weeks about this am I asking for words that will magically change how I feel about this scary challenging thing or am I looking for a way to Move myself beyond this stuck point without Changing the way I feel so that I can move past this stuck point. But first I think I need to change the way I feel so ask yourself what am I looking for and Can I really get that if Drew does another podcast episode on sleep anxiety or he does another podcast episode on breathing or he Does another podcast episode or a video or something on on globus sensation difficulty swallowing What am I what am I want? How does that help me and am I likely to get that? That's a big one Because that realization that like I've been looking for these magic words now for six months and I still haven't found them Yet every day I fire up my social media and I go to my 60 anxiety accounts that I follow and Podcasters and youtubers and tiktokers and I still haven't found the magic words. Am I gonna find them today? That's a really good question to ask yourself to so when you want to ask for more I but how long have I been asking for more and am I likely to get it if I hadn't haven't got it to this point? Could it be that all of these 50 people Are withholding something from me or there's a somehow a twist in my anxious state or in my anxiety or my fear That's so unique that all of these 50 people that I follow are missing it So I got to keep asking them about it You got to play the odds at some point right the odds that you're gonna find what you're looking for Start to diminish over time the more you look so something to think about but again if you are new to this and you have never thought of approaching your anxiety problems this way the way I talk about and you cannot even imagine that how could this be true that I have to stop trying to cope and Manage it and and stop my symptoms and treat it like a body problem I really have to face my fear if you are new to this you ask all the questions Do not stop asking the questions you need to ask the questions and we need to give you the answers It's that is the first step for everybody if you are working with a therapist trained in treating anxiety disorders You would start with psycho educational content. So if you're new to this Please ask the questions. I am not telling you to stop asking your questions. You need to learn the principles When you start to know that like yeah, I keep hearing me saying things again and again and again Drew says it Josh says it Kim says it Joanna says it like all of these people all say it I've heard it now a hundred times What I'm what else am I looking for and am I setting myself up to be stuck in a place that I don't need to be stuck in Where I'm judging myself really negatively for no good reason and not being fair to myself So that's my 18 minutes or 19 minutes on can you talk more about dot dot dot? Sometimes on this podcast there might be practical tips Sometimes it's just things to think about and I think today is just one of those things to think about So if you have asked in the recent past couple of days if you've asked me to talk about something else again Or any other anxiety count that you follow mental health account if you asked again to hear the same words What am I asking for and am I likely to get it? Do I really need it or do I already have it in? The end we all hit that point where we have to put down the book and the podcast and the video and do stuff That is a hard hard place to be I didn't want to be there Nobody wants to be there Be nice to yourself if you're struggling in that moment because everyone struggles in that moment, but sooner or later We have to move from the reading learning talking to the doing moment That's a hard turn to make on this path But you can do it even if you have to do it a little bit at a time. That's totally okay, right? So That's that's it. That is that is the end of my ramble on like asking for yet more information on the topic You've already really heard a lot about already so consider that think about it for a little while again You're not doing anything wrong. I'm not annoyed. You're not bothering me. You're not insulting me It's not like I can't believe that person asked me again. I get why you're asking it It's totally okay. Just I hate to see you get stuck So that's it. That is episode 271 of the anxious truth in the books Hopefully something that you could take out of this today and use in some way in your recovery That's my goal every week and I will end by doing the same thing that I always do I'll ask a couple of favors if you're watching on YouTube subscribe to the channel like the video leave a comment because they do answer all the Comments on YouTube I circle back a couple times a week to do that Definitely helps the channel out helps me out if you're listening to the podcast on Spotify or Apple podcast There's someplace that lets you rate and review the podcast leave a five-star rating Take a second maybe write a review if you really dig it because it helps more people find the podcast and then more people get help And that's why I do this to begin with if you want more information Which is ironic to say given the topic of this podcast more resources head on over to the anxious truth calm and check it all out You should be listening also did disordered which is the podcast that I do with Josh Fletcher that's at disordered FM and Remember no matter how you might be struggling today and you feel like you are in a dark place and you are Incapable of moving toward recovery Even the smallest change that moves you away from fear and toward what you want and what matters to you in life counts They all add up. They all count Even the littlest things matter So do the best you can today to just take a tiny step in the right direction I promise it will make a difference and it's better than spending another day hiding so hang in there I know you could do it. I will be back next week with another topic I know what it is because we're recording out of sequence, but I will definitely see you next week Thanks for coming and hanging out today. Hope you've been helpful. I will see you later. We're out