 Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Anabaptist Perspectives. We're here today with Valerie Miller from Macon, Mississippi, and she's going to share with us today her story of adoption. So, Valerie, when did you first realize that you were adopted? Well, for me, it was always a known fact. It wasn't like my parents really tried to hide that. And for myself, I was really grateful that it was that way, just because I feel like some people, when they do hide it from the child at first, and then the child learns later that they were adopted, there's a sense of betrayal that can happen there. And so, for me, it was a privilege to know right off the bat. And so, I've always known. I don't remember ever learning that I was since I knew from little up. So, as you became older, how did you come to terms with being adopted and process that reality? And who were helpful people in your life in that time? That is a very good question. And for me, I should, before I begin, I would like to mention that every person's process is different. So, this is my process, but every person's way of working through things is very different. So, for me, I didn't really struggle with my adoption until I was a little bit older, until I was about 21 or so. And that was when I had learned a little more of my own personal story that I hadn't known before. Before I share that with you, I think I'd like to back up a little bit and just start at the beginning so I can tell you sort of what the circumstances were at the beginning of my life and how that continued to impact me later. So, for me, I was born in Chennai, India, back in the early 90s. And my mother was not married. And she had been seeing my father for three years before she became pregnant. And they were of different castes. It was technically an illicit affair. And so, when they found out they were pregnant, they sought to become married. But his parents said, no, because they were of different castes. And that would be, it would be a big no-no in their culture to marry outside of cast. And so, at that point, my mother was about seven months pregnant with me. It was at that point that she really didn't know what to do. Because in that culture, it is very much looked down upon to have a child out of wedlock for obvious reasons. But it's even more extreme in that culture. The mother's life can actually be in danger just because of the nature of what happened. And this is the part of my story that was really, really difficult. And this is what actually launched my journey, was at seven months pregnant, she decided that she didn't want me or she decided to look into abortion. And so, she was looking to abort me. When I first learned that part, that was very, very hard. But going back to the story, she wasn't able to get an abortion simply because they didn't offer abortions that late term, back in that time period. So, she did not get an abortion. So, what she did instead was travel many miles away from her village and where she had me in the city of Chennai and kept me for three days and then left me at the orphanage and returned to her village. I lived in two different orphanages for the first 16 months of my life and I was adopted into the United States, into an Anabaptist family when I was almost 16 months old. It's a very different beginning than a lot of people have, but I do consider myself incredibly blessed to have been part of the Anabaptist community and to be brought into it in that way and to be able to grow up in that environment. And I think it was the dedication of my parents as well as the sense of community within my small church that we had in our area that made me very secure for most of my childhood or all of my childhood up until my early 20s and it was there was so much security found in that Anabaptist community and I am so grateful for that. So, it wasn't until like I mentioned earlier that I was about 21 when I came face to face with the fact that my mother wanted to abort me and that was the rejection was very keen then because I had never really felt it before. I'd always been secure in my identity as an adopted person. That was when the rejection became very very clear. I just tried to process what had happened but it was almost like the rejection caused a locking up of my emotions and of my thoughts and it was probably a couple weeks there where I was really dealing with the rejection and just the pain that accompanied that kind of eventually it was just kind of slowly numbing my emotions to where I was slowly not being able to function well anymore. I think I was able to hide it well. I kind of kept going through the motions of life but inside I was a real mess and it kind of finally came to a tipping point. One late one night is kind of when you're tired emotions can be especially raw and they were that night and I remember just feeling so hurt that I couldn't cry which was a bit unusual for me and I didn't know what to do with all the pain. It felt physical. I could feel physical pain from the emotional pain that I was just wrestling with the fact that I wasn't wanted and that my mother didn't want to end my life before it even began and the person who was supposed to give me life was wanting to take it before it was even really getting started and and that was just so hard to to wrestle with and I really didn't know. I'd never experienced anything like that before. I'd had a very secure existence like I mentioned. I was pretty much numb. I remember being like in a fetal position just completely like robbed of my senses and everything I thought I was was just I was just an empty shell of the person I once was just my life was being sucked away from me and I remember in that moment I remember just not being able to like be even present in my own body. I kind of remember a floating sensation of like being above and looking down on myself like laying on my bed in the fetal position. I was almost so detached from my own self just it was it was so it was strange and it was very very hard and difficult. I didn't know what to do. I was always a go-getter. I was kind of a person who knew a lot of answers but in that moment I knew nothing of what to do and that was so that was so strange for me and I really had nowhere to go. I was at the end of my rope at the very end if you can be lower than that I was and it was at that point that I just grabbed my Bible out of desperation. I didn't know where to go but I opened it up and it came to Isaiah 43 and where it says thus says the Lord the God of Israel the God who created you I forget exactly how it goes but I'm the one who created you informed you and and I've called you by your name you are mine and it was it was so special because at that moment I felt like I was no one's no one wanted me I was no one's and in that moment God stepped in and said you are mine and that was it was amazing and it was such and it was such a defining moment because at that it was at that point that I saw God for who he really is he he was someone who stepped into my brokenness and spoke life into and just breathed life into my empty shell in that moment when I needed him the most he came through for me but he wasn't able to do it until I was at my lowest point until I was emptied of myself and so it takes that too I just can't describe the peace that came with knowing that the circumstances of my past did not have to define me anymore and I was now going to be defined by God and by who he said I was after that it was it was a lot easier to process because I was I understood the reality I could I had felt the love of God and I had felt him pouring himself into me and so it was much easier going on from that point in terms of my adoption and who I was I was sort of wrestling with my rejection from my birth mother at that point that was kind of my journey through my birth mother and so I actually worked through my loss of my birth father at a like a separate point so I remember about a year later or so it what the struggle was not as intense but I remember feeling the loss of the father the strong man who had given you life and I and I remember just wanting the man who had made me to to be strong for me and to hold me in his arms like like a little girl again I wanted that and I just felt a keen sense of loss that I didn't have that in my life I forget exactly how it all went but I remember reading verses as well in the Bible where God talks about I will defend the orphan and I will fight for them and I will and I got the sense of a God of who will be my father and who will fight for me in the way that my birth father wasn't able to he will he wasn't able to provide his strength my birth father wasn't able to but God would step in and fight for me and show strength on my behalf but after I worked through both of of my parents the loss of both of my birth parents it was it was I never really struggled a lot with it again because God had stepped into my story and had redeemed what was missing and so it doesn't I shouldn't say it never affects me but it's not important anymore because I'm a daughter of God along with that I should mention too that I have very amazing adoptive parents who have even though I have lost my birth father and my birth mother who have done an incredible job of functioning in those roles for me all throughout my life and I'm really really grateful for God placing me into an Anabaptist home where family is important and where where the father is the head of the home and the mother is a help meet and how that the emphasis on that is the emphasis on in Anabaptist families and that is the way that God meant it to be. So you talked a little bit about how you felt secure and welcomed in the church in the community where you were at with the Anabaptist how does that give you a unique perspective being adopted and of a different nationality in a predominantly white community what kind of perspective does that give for you and how does that help you interact with people coming in from the outside. In one sense I have a unique perspective in that I am not I was not born into the culture in the other side I have been raised in the culture and I have no memory of of not being a part of the culture so I guess I have I can see both sides of the coin. In a way I know it is very family oriented and so it is very it has been very special for me to have been not only allowed to join the Anabaptist community through the Avenue family but to be welcomed in that way within the Anabaptist community there have been times I guess where I have felt maybe just a little bit of I can feel the difference that my past has has set me apart from other Anabaptists but in the present there is no there is no nothing that hinders that relationship between me and other Anabaptists I have always sensed a keen interest in who I am and who I was before I became an Anabaptist before I joined the Anabaptist through as a young child and an appreciation for for the way God worked in my own life to bring me into that into the into this community and so it really means a lot to me as an adoptee to have people that are interested genuinely interested and that are welcoming in spite of the brokenness and that are able to see the beauty that is in a story like mine in the middle of brokenness there's redemption throughout my experience with Anabaptist people that has always been the the way that they see me as they see the redemption instead of the brokenness so before we wrap up Valerie was there anything else you would like to say or share I guess for me the main thing is I'm very grateful for the way God has worked in my life and how he brought a little girl from India an orphan from India and worked many miracles it's moved heaven and earth as one song says to to bring me to the US and to bring me into an Anabaptist culture where the word of God is very important and not just to be not just is taught but is lived and that is what I'm most grateful for is the opportunity to know Jesus and know him in the context of a community that takes his word seriously and that is a huge blessing and I long for other people to be able to experience that same blessing whether they come into the community through adoption or just choose to join otherwise it is a wonderful community to be a part of and I'm so grateful that God worked out the details for me to to join the to join the Anabaptist and it is an incredible privilege thank you for sharing your story Valerie it's I love your story it's just one of redemption and God's care and just praise God for how he's worked in your life and yes thank you so much for sharing