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Listen, thank you very much for coming on. Delighted to have you. You look like you're going to say something pet but then you stopped. Anything? I have never ever stopped when I have something to say. I know but you look like you were about to and then you just kind of went. We're just using our squad system aren't we? That's what it's about isn't it? It's what it's about. Sam has been one of our many goalkeepers on the bench for the last few years. Time to get a lot of keepers on there. This is a league cup match I've been brought on. I'm just hoping I don't drop a clangor right at the end and just put yourself out of contention. I'm sure you'll be fine. It feels like the old Sheng Towson for Rondon. Does it? Is that what it feels like? Who's Sheng Towson? Who's Rondon's Rich? Sam's already said he's Rondon's Rich. Who's Towson? Viti. Viti plays every week. It's Bush at the moment. Bush promised a lot. I could do something with where Towson gets his air from because it would be with a little bit of that. It's a can. It's definitely a can. It's a can. Sam, in the week, without talking about the way your hairstyle is, Sam, he looks very much like you. And at the weekend, he looks very much like Ped. So fair play. We went to watch them train them once. The invited us to watch them train. I can't even remember why, but he just did. They didn't. It was one of the sponsors. It wouldn't have been ever. I think we've said this before. Remember in Huck, when Dustin Hoffman's wig gets whipped off and you find out what Captain Huck looks like without the wig and it's all just, that's what he looked like. Wishby bits of hair. Yeah, just a little. Honestly. It was tremendous. And then on a Saturday, he was full peer pain. He was just ready to go, one of us. Can I tell you my favourite ball-slash-footballing story? Go for it. Of course you can. Very quickly. I used to play five of sides and it was down at Picton. Yeah, it is, yeah. I'm playing there. I wasn't very good, but I had decent left foot. I could welly if from miles out. The lads waiting to come on the pitch after you, they're all on the side. Last couple of minutes. We were all in our late 30s and I was totally bald and there was all these lads waiting to get on. They must have been 1920. He all started calling me Robin, the old Chelsea player. Every time I got the ball, I'm Robin and I kept messing it up. The pressure was getting to me. Right at the end of the game, I got the ball. Everyone's got one amazing dribble in them. Something happened and I was falling over. It was just all over the place. They were going, oh my God. I must have skinned about four fellas and somehow spooned the pass to keep it. They all ran on the pitch and jumped on me. It was amazing. It was just beautiful. Just one of those great moments in time. You know when you know your life's peaked? Well, you know. If you've got a peak of picking, that's what you say. That's what you say. When you said Robin, I was thinking, he's got green sights on us or something. I didn't mean arching. Well, yeah, in the random sections, Sam, that would be absolutely tremendous. Let's get onto, let's just quickly discuss the fact that Everton lost another home game at the weekend when I was scoring a goal. It was to be fair. It was Arsenal, who are a very good side. But Sam, I don't know about you, but I was just disappointed the way we almost accepted the fact that they were just so much better than us and didn't really lay a glove on them. There was no shame in losing to Arsenal, but more the way we lost to Arsenal was the thing that disappointed me at the weekend. Yeah, I mean, I think at the moment, because the results aren't there, you're looking for something else to spark, or just rekindle that hope that seems to have completely evaporated. Because I mean, one of the things I've said about Everton Lowes recently is, for years I've joked it's the hope that kills you, but it's actually not. It's the lack of hope that really knocks you out because football is built on hope. You've got to have the belief that the next season or the next game or the next manager, whatever it is, is going to improve your situation. Otherwise, why does any fan of any team or the Man City go the game? Because you've got to believe that you can improve. The results have been horrendous. I know there's like, certainly two of the first few games, maybe three, including Sheffield United, we probably should have won. But the results have been pathetic, so you're looking for some kind of style of play or set up, even though it's against Arsenal, it would probably be run as up at the least this season. You're looking for something to give us something to shout about, and there was just nothing there really. And I understand that sort of style of play, you can look through the way a little bit, but at home you should be, and I'm not saying you should be dominating, because it is Arsenal, but you've got to be putting your foot in, you've got to be getting the fans, even if not on your side, just in your corner and just feeling like there's some kind of plan here, and it just feels like Dice just, I'm questioning him more with every game, and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt every time I can, but it's getting harder and harder. And then you start to think, well, where does that lead us? In terms of the game itself, it was disappointing, and I suppose the only positive was the goal difference stayed. It was only one goal. What are we doing here? I mean, Sam's just nailed it, even though we know Arsenal are a great side and losing to Arsenal shouldn't be like a barometer of... No, terrible, Everton, because it isn't about that, but the disappointing thing for me was and the more disappointing thing was OK, if your game plan is keep it tight, get them behind the ball, don't give them space, that's fine, but when you actually concede the goal, and surely there has to be like a change in what you're doing. Sam's just nailed it there. The goal difference was the plan to just concede as least as possible, because it didn't feel like there was anything else, and that just, to such level of apathy in the grand, and there's such a level of apathy in the grand. Is that a worry for you? It's a worry for me because of the whole situation at Everton. You know, I think Everton in a horrendous situation at the moment, people are starting to cotton on, but there's almost this thing of like the worst won't happen or we won't. You start to talk about administration and things like that, and you've got to have hope, haven't you? And the hope starts on the pitch and starts with the players having a little bit of fight. It starts with the manager understanding what it takes to get you know, goodness in going, the kind of football. I don't quite quite know if this manager understands how to get goodness in going. I think, fully enough, the last manager, Lampard, I think he got it. That side of things just couldn't transmit that to the way we played all the time, but he understood the right things to say. I just think there's, you know, like you've just said there, you come out, you go 1-0 down, and you're just playing exactly the same way and you're not changing the style, you're not going long, you're not telling, you know, you're not bringing someone on to to try and get overloads in the final third or bringing three at the back and saying we're going to push the full back really high and they're going to be the wingers, maybe push Dan Dumer as a second striker. There's nothing like that, and you think to yourself, if you're playing someone like Arsenal, how do you honestly believe that you've been doing the same, that you've been doing for the first hour that hasn't worked? You just changed the personnel that things might change for you. I don't get that at all, and that's where I have a problem which I understand is not the greatest manager in the world, but I just, does he understand that? Home games to us are, we always are certainly growing off of me. You know, I'm 45 soon, I've been going on the game coming up to 39 years, I think. Going again to me at home has always been you've very rarely lost a game at home and now we've lost six of the last seven and that's all under his tenure, by the way. And I just think, how can anyone get away with that? Again, I'm not going on to be sacked, but I know that if it was beneath us and I know if it was lampard, he would be getting sacked or anybody would be getting sacked at a record like that. And I just think you've got to start looking at this you've got to start looking at your home games there's absolute bread and butter you know, you know, you've got to start throwing everything at the opposition and we don't and then it doesn't get the crowd going as I said, and you walk out and you just shrug your shoulders and like Sam just said, it's that hope if you don't have a hope, then what's going to happen? People are just going to stop going the match it's dead simple, people think it won't happen but it will happen, people will think I've got something better to do I've changed the kickoff time with two weeks notice, I've already got something planned I'm going to see Busted or something It happens Sam We know for a fact that happened on Sunday one of our mates went to see Busted instead of went to the Everton match because he'd made plans with his girlfriend and that'll happen more and more Everton won't become won't be the most important thing in people's lives and I'm not saying it should be but if it is the most important thing in your life Everton should keep that alive and then not One of our mates started to miss games now who went home on their way We both know someone and that's the way it is I find that Everton have just similar to you Everton have just always been there through my life they're just from that early age and whenever I think of them it doesn't matter how we're doing whether we're doing well or not well they're always they always excite me thinking about the next game excites me and thinking about the club and reading any information about there's being a friendly behind closed all that information you absorb it in and it just excites you and even the last two seasons when we've been struggling I've still had that and I've noticed this season whenever I think of Everton all the emotions are negative there's no excitement I just feel like it's anxiety genuine anxiety we're all jokers for both hands but generally you wouldn't bother following them or going if that was true but that's starting to feel a feeling it's horrible to watch Everton at home and yearn for a film level tackle because if we could buy one of them on the transfer market and won a game in the 68th minute because that used to get the crowd going that's what we talk up there about getting the home games getting the club film level was not the greatest player but those tackles did galvanise the fans and get everyone on board and then the atmosphere is different the players start responding and you get a real overlap do you know what's mad? I'm actually through the anxiety the anxiety was at the end of the Lampard season that was the anxiety to me I didn't feel too much anxiety last season I don't feel it now but that's sad in itself we've gone through the worst because I generally think the worst could still yet to come yet to come with all the talk around the loans and the 777s of the world and all this kind of thing but there is almost that thing of like we are where we're heading we all fully understand it now and I think it was that grey area where we all thought we're all going to be fine and this is it's a relegation fight and it doesn't happen again because it happened last season and it's definitely going to happen again this season a relegation fight you're almost like well we accept it now and actually if we get 20 points and the bottom three get below us have less than us then that will be enough and there is that acceptability now that could become more and more and more just got to finish above three other sides doesn't matter and it's terrible it really is and you're absolutely right we all three of us will have come from an area where obviously there wasn't the internet and you did literally live on Chinese whispers and club call and 40 echo exactly, okay even getting the match or the shoot on a Tuesday and going add flick to the back pages because you always flick to the back pages and seeing like if Everton's new kit was in the match or whatever and all those little exciting things now I'm just like it's just a solder story it's just absolutely shoulder stone what we're watching and I think what's sad is we've crossed the line from being people going you're talking nonsense and this will never happen to people going yeah it probably will happen whatever and it's just like when is I don't know it's not the one continuous season that's what it's like when Benitez took over I don't want to layer all on Rapha Benitez but that appointment signaled a change and obviously Ancelotti went we had the opportunity to bring in three or four managers who were better than him and we went with him and that signaled the end of the spending and then that was depressing that season and then Lampard kept us up and then he started and it wasn't great and then he went and it just feels like this season is just a continuation of that one long season and that's where you are Sam saying now I just think and feel the anxiety or feel a little bit negative about it because we've had no respite in that period, there's been none there hasn't been a break for one season where we were all right and then we're back in it so it's just like we're all and that's where the acceptance does come from that you kind of go we're in a relegation battle again here at me and luckily for us and you find yourself saying this now there's three four five teams who are as bad as we are so we can just get above them, we'll be all right but that's no way to live with the backdrop as well of this continuous season of health which has been like three years long like you've talked about Baz the sort of the general feeling of something like Sunday's game against Arsenal then it has the feeling of being part of this cataclysmic event that we're all witnessing you know because if we've beaten we've won our first two home games this season and they get that point to Shefford United you're sitting on seven points used to Arsenal 1-0 it's a bad performance but you go okay well you know we're sitting pretty really compared to where we expected to be this season but because we lose those two home games we're still on one point we have a terrible performance result in the defeat it just feels like we're nudging closer to the abyss and it feels like everything and with the backdrop of all the the owner saga that's going on I mean I don't remember I've joked about this before but you know when your dad first takes you the match and takes you down he doesn't sit down with you when you're like seven years old and explains you the ins and outs of consulting takeover bids he just he goes look at the crowd you know smell the hot dog smell the wood binds as it was back in the day there's Pat Vandenhau he's a psycho that's the kind of my memory rather than let's talk about corporate takeover there's all that going on and I think it's really difficult for most fans to kind of get the edge around exactly what that means and exactly where that'll take us and whether it's a good or a bad thing I think most tend to feel like it's a bad thing what's going on with 777 we can talk about more but it's grim I took my wife to see Rexham at home a couple of weeks ago for a birthday she's a Liverpool fan I'm obviously a blue we both enjoyed the documentary it's a 40th so I thought a surprise when tickets to Rexham they're out to get tickets by the way but I took her to that grand first time I've been to watch another team other than Everton in God's about 30 years and obviously Rexham you can't compare it's different levels and obviously adventure but just the different atmosphere just walking to the ground outside the ground and probably a lot of that was me not having this anxiety and internal agony that I had to go through when I see Gouldersen now which is that's not what it should be you should be looking at there's the home of the team I support through thick and thin instead I go oh god just like looking at an ex-girlfriend with a new fella on facebook it just makes me feel grim so it was really interesting to just step outside of the plague that we're going to and obviously look sort of through the eyes of another fans perspective and just see that but Did you enjoy it? I did enjoy it, yeah I had about 4 points so I could have been watching it we play like we're in Leith sometimes so I wouldn't worry about the difference in quality you just mentioned it there I mean the 777 stuff there's more as we know the 777 there was another well there was a couple of pieces last night about Ian Herbert a dumb one and obviously there's one from Oliver Cay more hip pieces at the moment and it as Oliver Cay said to be fair and this isn't one side or the other but far up my sherry and 777 the perfect partnership or the perfect people to take over of everything there isn't loads of evidence that would suggest that's the case now that doesn't mean they can't be good for Evan but if you're as we are 3 Evatonians you are worried and are looking for some glimmer of hope you do after almost jump off the jump off the building with your parachute on and out that it opens don't you with this one because there's everything selling you not to jump isn't it it's the Wild West isn't it at the moment in football you think of these people coming the first thing you ask is what money have they got and if they're a billionaire and we saw this with my sherry there was a comfort in there but then we've had my sherry and Chelsea have got the top ballies of the world and it's just not enough anymore but then there's no on the flip side of that you're not going to get the local business done well so you're never going to know and certainly you don't get trusted names buying clubs either really so it's a really difficult one isn't it and 777 all the noise isn't good but then on the flip side of that now I don't know whether this is almost being done by design but the media are basically or parts of the media basically telling us that if 777 don't take over then we're gone we're basically gone the latest one is that they've lent us 20 million pounds to pay the bills for the month because obviously they won't be in for the next couple of months so that's 20 million is a loan at the moment but essentially that's just them propping up a club that they're trying to take isn't that till the next payment comes in but that's still terrifying of course when the sherry's clearly checked out he's just gone and selling so he's gone back to me yacht put me feet up when I'm going to get on the phone to see what's going on that's terrifying that really is that's scary when he first came in we were genuinely one of the first clubs to have a billionaire owning the Premier League when we all are hopes and aspirations we're finally going to make it we're finally going to turn and this could only have happened to us I genuinely believe that this could only have happened to us as if it's owning we are always the punchline and the joke we are like if anyone's ever watched it's always sunny in Philadelphia they always have their big plans and they always look like dickheads and that's what we always end up doing it's like dog salmon are you just keeping with the reference from Sam's reaction today no you know what I didn't even I was just honestly if anyone's watched it that's what it's always like they have these big plans and they'll come into a little bit of money and they're a little bit smug about it because we were let's be honest and they just end up looking like dickheads and their fans always seem to have the last laugh always like they're not even part of this and they'll always they'll always end up having the last laugh I wouldn't surprise me if they ended up buying our stadium and turning it into the resies in the women's stadium that's genuine what's going to happen isn't it there's a part of me that thinks that new stadium won't end up being ours there's a genuine part of me at this point because the mismanagement has just been unbelievable and you know that smug feeling we had when Meshiri took over to go back I think there's a way of getting your old tweets back isn't it and like the things I put on Twitter between probably 2016 and 2019 when we were signing number 10s like they were you know bacon busies I would love to say some of the smug because I remember me and another Everton fan having this and we were sort of tongue in cheek but there was an element of truth to it where I was saying we've won the transfer market again and I think we're bored Don't do that on national TV mate Do that on national TV Can I just before you carry on Sam before you carry on let's have the context of this though because it always gets brought up you were asked the question if Everton won the transfer you were asked the question It doesn't make me feel any better though You were asked the people just think you came out with it you were asked specifically to say that carry on Sam, carry on Can I just say one more thing about that big ballsy and cocky because Sam Valentine was in the studio next to us and we just wanted to rub his face in because we had Marco Silverham We did try and play it from Barcelona that day that was right Forget your tweets, forget what you said in the pub some of us said it live on Sky Sports News on that one day Yes you did At least we had those and it was totally misguided but at least there were moments of smugness excitement and hope ultimately completely and utterly wrong because it going the match my formative years ago was the mid 90s so Mike Walker that's when I started going it was a low bar and then obviously we won the cup Joe Royal gives us a couple of good seasons and then we sort of struggle again but I used to sit in the Gladys Street and I used to think God if we just had a bit of money because we were always struggling for money and at the time Peter Johnson was in charge and it was all about how can we compete with Blackburn Jack Walker coming with all that money and I used to think if we just had money and all the management football management games I used to play Sensible Wilder Soccer I'd always take over it and I would make sure that we got pumped full and won the league because it was like Boyard Dream and then you're fast forward 20 years we get the money and just bruised us millions absolutely mate and we're left in a much worse situation and if I was a fan of any other club I'd be able to subscribe to Toffy TV and take massive joys loads dude mate loads dude loads dude that's a big part of our view but those are just people going but then it's gone from Ladys this used to be funny too this is really sad now no it's no you're absolutely like I think I'm not saying that you should know you're playing football and it's dead easy to go or well if you shouldn't have been smoking a bar or whatever but football you can't wait and see you've just got to be joy and sit there and go well let's see how this plays out in six years time you've got to take every moment you can and you've got to enjoy it and for the little bit that that have been happy we've enjoyed it but then the flip side of that is you can't sit there when things are going wrong and think well let's give it five years as well you know what I mean when it's when it's the time to write because we had no plan let's be honest no that's it isn't it's no plan I mean sad obviously 777 loads written about them but what's your fears or have you got any fears or are you literally just going well you know what I was happy when we got a billionaire and that didn't work out these I mean I dread to say this but these can't do any worse is there any of that going on or are you just literally like what are we doing you know where are you with it things can always get worse that's the problem people always say when you're at the bottom there's any one where you can go well you can't find another bottom you can't actually go further and we've seen that with this country with the world at large and certainly they've given us that and we all sit here going out because I'm reminiscing about the Moys area which was on reflection exciting got you off your feet exciting players getting down a wing getting crosses in scoring goals goal scorers you know we had a few of them under Moys different times and then it got to the point we were like yeah but we need to take the next step and now we reminisce about that so I just wonder if like in three years four years five years time we'll be reminiscing about do you remember when we were still in the Premier League and at least we were competing sort of even though we were in a relegation fight but it feels like with the owners that the idea that this billionaire was going to save us was legitimate because that felt like that was the way that was the model back then and that was before clubs like Brighton rocked up with their newer model which is much more cohesive, much more successful it feeds back into itself because of the way that the bi players low and sell them high and they just got this amazing scout network I feel like something like that having the right people in place and having the right structure is probably more important than throwing money at it in most cases however because we appear to be in such a whole it's almost like well we need we need some cash injection maybe that's not the right phrase but we need some kind of money coming in otherwise what are we going to do because we are clearly in a lot of problems with what happens to borrow money just to pay the wages for the month which is that startling isn't it so what happens now I'm almost like checked out the wrong phrase but it's almost like I can't invest as emotionally as I have done throughout the last few years because I'm spent so I'm almost watching this certainly as a fan always a fan but also slightly as a kind of interested observer to see where it goes because it's it's going to be fascinating where it goes I'm not sure it's going to be that pretty I mean I'm just going to say but obviously the one thing we do have to stress that even if Everton got a multi-billionaire we wouldn't be able to just spend money anyway so we'd have to have a plan I was going to say that it's like cos he come in and like a couple of years later FFP came in we were hampered by that and we had a load of players who were on big contracts that no one else wanted because of FFP I feel like I feel like we got a knowner who made his money and something that like a year later you know what I mean like we got a knowner who invented beat a max you know what I mean or laserdiscs you know what I mean like the rest of the world went the other way and we've got a fella who ends up he's got this brilliant laserdiscs it's a big thing and the following year he's down the car boot sale I feel like DJ's Buddle the year later he's down with a load of ET cartridges for the Natari down the car boot sale and everyone's got a Nintendo and he's like no honestly lad this is amazing you know what I mean this is boss he's got all he's got the thing you want just not in the format you wanted it so we'll have to wait and see how we're all I've met loads of successful quite rich people who are absolute idiots and like you say Pedd made the money in some kind of unique window in time sometimes they stumbled into it or they had loads of things going on and everything failed but this one thing worked and then the window shut and all of a sudden they got all this money but they don't know what to do and it was being to someone who they were really successful and they said their question was do we need a website this is like five years ago for a business do we need a website yeah you need a website the website's like a shop front it's like we clearly weren't tapped into the real world wouldn't be very successful 20 years earlier yeah it's mad isn't it it's mad we'll stick on everything just for this one because we have got a Everton release of question from Dave Vitty who will be back on next week but his question is because it does play into this right now in order to help with the club's current financial crisis that hangs over our heads if you could sell one of your bodily organs to medical science to help balance the books and make Saturdays more enjoyable which would you choose to sell and why the obvious answer is the I so you can't watch the match in it but what if they got good though salmon and you'd miss it wouldn't you think you need to you just listen you go back to listen to the raw listen to your gold with eyes I don't know there's probably a body part that you don't use that much isn't there well one Ned doesn't use it yeah absolutely yeah we won't shave with Ned but he definitely doesn't use one that could help people um have you had any thoughts Pedro um I can't really think it what does your pancreas do that's very important very very important really important really really you're being troubled without it what does it do it's your sugar isn't it blood sugar and everything whatever stop it sugar I don't think it quite works like that but that's up to you if you want to risk it you're saying your pancreas no no I wasn't so I was just trying to find I was just trying to get a definition of what I did it's very very important I don't want to get rid of it I just had a general feeling what about your adenoid or your tonsil or something so that you know we can't be with the final whistle or a kidney would you sell a kidney yeah I don't need two kidneys I've stopped drinking so I don't need two kidneys so it's just one kidney so you'd sell a kidney yeah well I know that with some medical science interesting rather than sell it to medical science can I just sell it to some felon and needs one wouldn't that be more useful wasn't quite the question but fine if that's your it ain't going to be on the show I'll mess about with this question you're prepared to sell a kidney I did give you the assist bike because that was going to be mine I'm not sure how useful your little toe is interesting that might be one of those ones where you don't know till you've lost it do you know what I mean but you could go if everything was to be good you could survive walking with a limp couldn't you if everything was good because once you're stuck down you watch everything for a lot of your life don't you well I could have no legs and watch everything so you'd sacrifice a leg so you'd sacrifice your legs I'm not going to laugh I mean Sam wasn't that extreme just had a little toe you're obsessed with a lower half well what about a little finger what do you need your little finger for your pinky you can still quite exist without that just feel weird though wouldn't you but how would you eloquently I just want to just say drink a cup of coffee or tea how would people know you're English the next one usually the other one they'll be in your facial expressions wouldn't they couldn't you just go index finger and thumb and just drink it that way it wouldn't be your pinky but just the fact that you're holding it like that I mean some of those shiny cups that you've ever had one of like your nan over ever from years ago that was the only way to pick the cup up it was too hot to hold so you had to crest together and hope that there was enough force in your index finger and thumb to therefore shock it was too hot to handle too cold to hold kids today have less you know strengthening those digits because of that we're in the trouble we're in the mess we are there's no resilience anymore I never really wanted people to know I was English I just tell all the foreigners to get out there's lots of ways man there's lots of ways down with this kind of thing this body part guarantee success for everything though I think so basically what it does is it resets everything so you've got a chance to build again to pose it up in a different way in a different way unless you get someone good in who knows what they're doing on that have you got something to we never invite you on to this podcast well go on if you've got something that you think is better we will hear you out come closer to the mic come closer to the mic he said like you can sell something to medical science that doesn't mean you lose that thing that body part that's why we don't like that's why we don't like tremendous right move away let's move away from net ruin the section let's move away he's twerking now as well there's a question from Andy Bush Bush on the radio says he's not pushing on a podcast he's not at the moment now he's pushing a meeting apparently right now says what would you do if you were invisible for 24 hours Sam take this one it's a good question that because with everything in the news you've got to be careful what you say at this point obviously to get into places that you're not supposed to be but I don't mean that in a seedy situation I just mean sitting in a room in fact it'd be really interesting wouldn't it right now to get into the board room where there's conversations going on between higher ups at evident and higher ups at 777 to see how those conversations are going because we all like to think that it's all very professional but it could just be like a gang of knobheads shouting at each other you just listen and you could just maybe just nudge one of them or you could run on the pitch towards the end of the game and you could nudge their keeper out of the way that's almost like a Roy the Rover story it almost feels like that's what we need to happen to score a goal of goodness at the moment the only issue with that is you'd have to have one of our players shoot at the goal what about the old like you ever seen the film Blackbeard's ghost classic Disney film from the 60s I mean I might have seen it but it doesn't I haven't retained it so basically because he's a ghost and he's invisible he can touch matter like he would grab all the things one matter I don't know but we've got to be very careful he'd just grab all the things as a ghost and like move them someone could have a shot and you could just grab the ball and do like you know Roberto Carlos Latron one in 1995 we did that three or four times a game we're winning every game man but if you did it once again like a big game or slam behind Pickford someone's shooting you just dive and tip it over a bar and people are like I'd prefer my one because you can almost argue that it's the fade the put on the ball the ghost of one matter it's the jubileanna interesting I mean Sam's point is dead interesting you could almost it's got 24 hours would it be possible to be sitting listening to just far atmospheric for an hour just to see what he does with his life then get into the Everton ballroom to hear about you know what whatever our board is at the moment against 777 or with 777 and then finish up by bending the ball into the top corner you could almost do 300 to find out where Everton are up to really full day it's like when Homer that weird Japanese fish and told us he was going to die make the most of his day it's exactly like that it's exactly like that maybe I'll finish the day off with a bit of that a Japanese fish and then he woke up to find that he wasn't dead I was going to say that's normally the way you wake up to find that you're not dead well actually get older it's always a bonus isn't it but unfortunately as you do get older it's either dying or being desperate for a piss it's one of the other and sometimes I don't know which one's worse you need to do your keegles mate you need to do your keegles I'll be honest this morning I haven't but maybe now I am especially the way you started it off there I woke up this morning I was not dead then I realised I was still dead I was still dead my blood was full I needed to go I went for a piss but it was so cold cause it snowed you ruined it with the snow a lot of it was alright but you ruined it with the snow I have a novella award incoming Sam you are obviously before we go to the final random bit which is questions you are a comedian so tell us what you're up to tell us a joke now go on tell us what you're up to as we move into our final random section I hate when people say tell us a joke but that happens a lot there's only certain jobs people do that doctors, dentists and comedians no-one tells a bin man just do that for us just pick that bin up just something to recycle now cause we've got a new bin and I don't know what's going on I've got a new tour starting on the 5th of October so it's called how not to be a terrible parent and I mean if you want a spoiler it's just don't take them to goodness I don't know but that starts 5th of October and that's going to go round the UK so any listeners coming to see some oh by the way there was a post outside the play house and I was excited to take the kids to see it and I got there with the kids someone had drawn a Hitler mustache on my kids were going is your show about Hitler I was like no was Hitler a comedian how old are your kids 8 I mean to be fair well played that they know Hitler do you know what I mean well I've told them all about him the Hitler stuff is dying out isn't he I think we need to keep it alive well I don't know what I mean again I don't know no one's been that popular in Germany until David Hasselhoff I believe I think no one ever draws someone on someone's face and goes you look like Stalin it's all shit or a beard on people and say you look like Mick Ferguson Mick Ferguson 5 gold fergy if there's a beard on it you don't see it or a massive massive terrible person from the 70s generally just seem to have that weird beard all big beard black beard I mean he apparently the ghost of black beard well he was a pirate more from the 1700s but he's probably terrible the least we say about people who look like pirates the better so carry on Sam go on so the tour starts on the 5th of October the 5th of October comes to you till March so if you go on my website SamAveryComedy.com all the dates are on there brilliant looking forward to that should be good check it out you've just been given the website there's no excuse I'm supposed to go there's no excuse you've got a lot of dates between October and March if you keep making those excuses not if one of them is in Aberdeen and you live in Walsall no well that's fair play you wouldn't go to that until you'd look for a local a more local venue that's why he's doing a tour he's taking it everywhere so again therefore ergo reducing the excuses why are you trying to limit the amount of people that are going to see Sam what are you doing what are you talking about reduce the excuses that's it there you go we have got some random questions from some of our plenty of members some random questions they're all random questions so we might as well ask them anyway Mick Farnable says if you could ask one anyone dead or alive one question and they had to answer it truthfully what would it be and who would you ask Jesus are you real I mean he's gone there he's gone there what have you just read yeah of course I'm real see I don't think you're getting answered in itty gritty there you go I'm real lad don't believe any of the rest that's right hang on I'm allowed to question whether someone's the son of God I think I'm allowed that right you are allowed that right exactly so that's what I'm saying I'm not disputing Jesus have you just said the stuff that happened you're almost prejudicing your question no I'm not cos you called it shite didn't I did it really happen yeah that's a fake lad on the end of it what happened in that cave what happened in that cave am I not going to answer the question oh go on what would you ask Hitler no where did all the gold come I want to know where all the gold went did it really go to South America yeah that's where I'd ask Hitler I'd say where was your gaff in Argentina there you go there you go where's all the gold I think they went to the moon no that was that was just the Americans no not in 1969 either wouldn't you ask that that gold was strong I wouldn't ask Buzz Aldrin cos he just punched someone for no reason didn't he I go on ask Neil say alright Neil what's happening lad did you know when you went to area 51 Tom Blue says what are the three things still on your book list that go to you first three things Petra love to go to Petra in Jordan you know what that is don't you from Indiana Jones you've got to educate me so that's fine do that no what go on a cruise to New York and knock it a nice big that would be the bonus that would be the bonus ideal that's right that's an ideal cruise and man I would seem to involved travel cos I've just been paid off from everything else that's nice and Paterline Mixing Paterline Mixing Paterline he's great Inspector Mixing Paterline what a player what a player some people get that joke go on then Sam me book a list three things still on it mate see you ever win another trophy that will be mine whatever it is program of the year whatever it is just let me sit here before I die also I would love to do route 66 in America just that big drive stop at diners drink coffee chat to waitresses drink coffee now it sounds good drink coffee drink coffee man and chat to waitresses and then number three will be sing karaoke sober I don't know about you but maybe this is a male thing male privilege and all of that but there's part of me whenever I do something new for the first time I always think maybe this is the thing that I am really good at I'm yet to find that thing but maybe sober karaoke I could find that I've got this beautiful soulful voice rather than just singing Mustang Sally after nine pints of sneak bite fair I mean listen they're good they are good watch this space absolutely Stuart Thompson says I've just seen a 60 plus year old biting his toenails and spitting them away on a train so what's the worst thing you've seen on a train or any other public transport by the way kudos to him now for his flexibility what's going to say if I'm a 60 plus and I can chew off a toenail flexible that is disgusting now the rest of it isn't it but what's the worst I mean you literally worked on transport for a bit so what was the worst thing you've shown on Danny Murphy with his feet up to a train to Chester that was the worst thing you've shown but you just wanted to drop that in he was told about his feet fair play did you see anything worse than that cos that is kind of the question on a train when the taxi or on a public transport I've seen an old woman have a piss on me seat wow that's not great that's not great well depending on what you're into but I guess very much I wasn't into scrubbing piss out of me seat no that would have been worse that's a bit of a damn squib wouldn't it did you pay the file in charge to be honest I think she just said sorry you can give me like 10 pence you know like your Namwood it's ten bon but you probably only used that much of your cleaning product though so really she was just making sure you weren't out of pocket for the cleaning product fair play Sam have you got anything to add to this well it was similar it was on a tube in London that's where the tube is innit well yeah it was a fella wean into it kind of I think it was Cronin bag if I remember correctly the devil's in the detail wean into this kind of Cronin bag in front of everyone that was all about enough but then he put the can on the floor and the train the can just went bang and then rolled and then there was just this river of piss everywhere and people cos it's the tube in London no one said ah mate come on everyone just just lifted the feet up probably just a normal normal day for me but what about me not in itself if you wasn't getting splashed back it's a good aim cos the can thing not massive isn't it you know if the trains were rocking a bit you could cut the tip and no one would do this and also he should not have been employed as a ticket inspector no that means you're scandalous that's scandalous that's on the Jubilee line what's she doing that's the Queen's line Matt Matt said as a household refreshments as kids sold a stream or the Popman the Popman we never had sold a stream I think they were just was here for bad stories if I'm honest well I always wanted a Mr Frosty never had a dog my wife wanted one never got one so I think it was for like 25th birthday and mum bought the one and it tastes horrible tastes like yellow snow people were just doing your favour not getting it do you remember that old thing as a kid everyone wanted where it was like my little kitchen and there was an avathe and the girl took the breakfast it was this little kitchen but I always remember it cos on the avathe the girl basically made swish-roll with beans made what swish-roll with beans and mum and dad was like and I was like and I always made me feel like no one's getting that I'd rather cut me tip than be saved after breakfast you horrible little child like some heist and blooming style 711 quid for it there's so many kids end up in the orphanages if that's what they were saving their parents get me a Mr Kipling apple pie with brown sauce on that is not good that's made me feel a bit if she had a Mr Frost I wonder what the yellow was in the snow that dirty little all right do you not think the avathe for those toys versus the reality when you get out the box in your little house in the 80s the avathe like what we thought everything would be and the reality is what we've got exactly if everything could remember like the avathe for toys where the kids would have like the toy like a GIG or whatever and the hadleys like big mounds in the gardens and everything and you'd check them and you'd be basically getting VHS tapes and making like little thoughts out of them that was basically ours where the kids in the avathe had these mounds with you and making proper toys it was always the boy I used to love as a cat on a white but you know like a speed boat and you'd sit on this like lake and it was cater playing with it and you'd get it in the box and you'd realise that's it go on mate yeah absolutely as I was in a subutio league of course you will it was only four of us I don't know like two companies three's a crowd and four's a league it was four of us so the games got quite repetitive but we were only eleven like Scotland was it the scott's prem it was the scott's league I had this like I had the astral test aww I got it yeah the astral that was necessary but then I got the little corner bit of the ground the corner terrace and they got the big grandstand but between us we couldn't afford enough fans so we had about eight fans so it was like a reserve game every time we didn't paint them and we didn't stick them so whenever the ball stands all these naked people would just start wriggling on top of each other it was like some kind of it was a clique it was a clique a listen I'm sure that's been done somewhere this is why they had to sexy football this is why they had to sexy football well there you go I mean it's absolutely nice you'll love that we'd have it we had like bit by bit board the ground and then we'd have like a separate section where we put the away fans and it was aww god it was lovely I had a Nintendo I must admit I had a mate no I didn't that's the point I just played on my own we had the linesman and the ref and for about half a season which was like three games we had someone like knocking the ref round the pitch as well and then the linesman we were like keep him up with play he's not in line with play fair enough I had the ref but I had a snap there after about two I hate that Jonathan Rickards says if you could travel with anyone in history who would it be where would you go and why and hell Martin McFly 2015 and I'd stop machinery buying the club it's a shout it's a shout what would Martin McFly do though will he take you back there wouldn't he couldn't you just take yourself back though I don't know what Martin's going to do you've got to go with someone he could teach me how to jump across the bonnet let's be honest we all want to do that what would you ask me I'd go to Dallas in 1962 you know I'm obsessed with J.F. I thought you were going to say Dallas in 1992 and stop J.F. getting shot but then it was only a dream but you know it was only a dream and I don't think it actually happened it was only a dream tell Sue Ellen not to eat so much cheese that night she had a maid didn't see Sue Ellen that night had some cheddar just before she went to bed and a mad dream imagine the piss she needed two years later actually she was just saying fair play spoiler and I'd go with I'd go with I don't know who would I go with I don't know anyone I'd go with him he likes to investigate he could investigate together he could investigate together he could investigate together he could investigate together fair play to you it could be couldn't it head and Louie investigating through time I don't know if that's the title I don't think that's the title that feels like that's just a Netflix film that's just a hold it's a hold Adam Sandler it being it's a hold to add a little bit of comedy but it turned out that he was quite a serious character in the end nice but you two more Bobby C says if you were reincarnated as an animal what would you prefer to be unki so I could throw my feces at the current evidence administration listen it's a bold statement go on a panda so I could live in the middle of nowhere and be done with this useless existence that's maybe really reevaluate my life that's quite the press if anyone finds me they think I'm hilarious because I'm a panda oh look at the panda falling over look at him even when they take pandas into captivity they're just like the funniest thing in the world everyone loves them put it this way you've got a normal bear and he starts messing about he's getting tased or even shot with something to put him asleep pandas on anyone just goes look at this panda he's a laugh him he's bringing the people in to the zoo he's bringing all the nets to the school yard look at the panda he's just killed my family he's alright look at him unless he's kung fu panda because he's sad but he's also brandy I feel like all pandas are kung fu he's just the only one who let them messle he says if you had the power to go back and be a character from one movie you've watched what character would you be and why and go and be Maverick I think he's quite a cool character in a film what about in the second one where he clearly dies he doesn't die at all I think you'll find that I think science tells us that he dies science doesn't tell you anything science does tell us a lot of things doesn't say you're about Maverick does it so chop gone go on original I've seen it at the first film I've ever seen I've seen it all I'm glad you did otherwise you wouldn't know what it was about so don't give me any so you want to go back and you don't mind your best mate dying and having to throw a dog tag you've got to rescue his son in some weird way and why is his son only in his 30s when he should be about 47 he was 2 in 1986 what's going on it just doesn't quite add up he still had it a bit like the way Rod Stewart was still able to produce children in 70s Goose was still able to Goose when he was dead he froze it his name was Goose because even when he was a ghost he was Goose he was Ghost Goosing he was Ghost Goosing that is in a film it should be Ghost Goosing go ahead then you two that's my Halloween costume you're shorted God knows what you're going to do I don't know whether that's a trick or a treat dog tag but where are we with Christopher walking in when he can touch people and see what their future is oh yeah something dead zone is it or something like that it either be that or Sylvester Stallone in over the top they're just two completely different they are but that's fine they don't have both skills so I could in an arm wrestle I could go oh yeah I'll show you go on and pet what was the question I forgot to say if you had the power to go back and be a character from one movie you'd watch what character would you be deadpool ok Shreffella dying he doesn't die nobody's dying isn't he nobody's not dying when it starts he is dying so that's what you want to be deadpool that's fine why then you're going to watch your best mate dying your ass so what are you you want to go back and watch JFK I don't want to see JFK oh you didn't say that I don't know whether you could save him I had effect I don't know whether that's a positive or a negative so you've got to be very careful you've got to be very careful so go back to who you've been you've been deadpool so why then he can't be killed it's bad sound where's the cool suit I don't know I'd just go with that and I'd lend me crocs to Ned he does want crocs to be fair you two answer this and we're done don't Williams what is the best album and why oh I don't know I'm not musical rumors by Fleetwood Mach I'm going to say the streets original parent material it's a good one only because I've never heard people singing about getting into a fight in a kebab shop before and that was more close to my life than a lot of the other stuff that was out I used to play that I listened to that story whilst playing Pez getting a kebab in the lob stuff off it's the heady mix of my quite youth there were good times there were good times there were good times good times there you go it's a good way to finish isn't it there you go a big thanks to Sam Avery make sure you check out the year is tour from the 5th of October around the UK Evertonian and comedian very funny obviously check it out and that is just done if you're watching, listening give it a thumbs up, a like a 5 star review why wouldn't you and we'll see you later