 Hey, welcome to the Darren Marlar Radio Show. That would be me. I'm Darren Marlar, and coming up on today's show, imagine offering teenagers assault rifles as prizes. That's coming up in our moment of duh today. A major phone scam is taking place right now that you need to be wary of. I'll give you the details on that. Jerry Mathers as the beaver. Remember that show? Well, Sean Mathers as the skunk. Beaver Cleaver, his little brother, also has an animal attached to his career. It's a skunk, and I'll tell you why that is coming up a little bit later on. If you want to get someone to do something, talk into that person's right ear. Why? I will tell you why, coming up later in the show. Caviar, hot sidewalks, people you love, it all shows up in today's weird holidays. Also, Pope Francis, he doesn't want to hear no complaining from you. I will explain what I mean by that, coming up later in the show as well. I am just beginning to realize that probably every day, somewhere my voice is in a sleek, red Italian sports car. My voice, it's poolside in the most beautiful backyards in town. My voice is heard in banks and soda shops and cafes. My voice is having more fun than I am. Time for today's moment of duh on the Darren Marlar radio show, and imagine offering teenagers assault rifles as prizes. In Oklahoma Church, they planned to give away a semi-automatic assault rifle at a weekend retreat for teens, but they canceled it after one of the event organizers was unable to attend. The shooting competition has been canceled and the church says they are going to give the $800 gun away next year. The church said the gun giveaway was to encourage teens to show up. Yes, giving guns to encourage teens to show up. Do you really want to give semi-automatic rifles to teens? I mean, especially teens that are anxious to get a semi-automatic rifle? Dang. What do you want to be when you grow up? Darren Marlar. I think he's cool. Cool. Finally, a connection to the real world. This could be the beginning. You feel it? You feel it? You feel it? There is a major phone scam that is taking place right now that you need to be wary of, and I'll have details on that coming up. I'm Darren Marlar and thirst. Thirst can actually masquerade as hunger, and that's one of the reasons that dieters should stay hydrated. Well, now German researchers, they have found another reason. Water, it fuels your body's fat burners. For 90 minutes, after drinking 16 ounces of cold water, adults saw their metabolism rise by 24% over their average rates. According to the study author, Jens Jordan, MD, the mechanism is partly due to the energy that your body generates to warm the water during digestion. Sure, okay, but who's going to choose drinking water over microwaving a pizza? Attention, please. The Darren Marlar Radio Show. You are officially out of control. Thanks for listening to the Darren Marlar Radio Show. A word of advice for you, screen your phone calls. Even when a call seems legitimate, you need to be wary of it. There are some unscrupulous people right now who are trying to steal your identity by pretending to be from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security's Office of Inspector General. Here's the ruse. These criminals scammed caller ID systems to make it appear that they are calling from an official federal government telephone number. Using what's been described as pronounced accents, well, they claim to be from U.S. immigration, and they tell victims that they have been affected by identity theft. And in a bogus attempt to quote-unquote help, while these scammers, they'll ask their victims to either provide or confirm personal information that they then use to really steal their identity. The phone number, by the way, that appears on a victim's caller ID is 1-800-323-8603. You want to write that down? 800-323-8603. That is a legitimate hotline number for the Inspector General of Homeland Security. However, this hotline is never used for outgoing calls. Only incoming calls about reports of fraud, waste, abuse, and mismanagement with the agency. So if you get a call from 800-323-8603, that is a scammer. Homeland Security, they were alerted to this scam by some victims who called the hotline, asking why they had been contacted and asked such personal questions. If you want to read a little bit more about this, I do have a link to the story at facebook.com slash Darren Marlar. You're pretty far out there, even for the guys who do a lot of this stuff. And Jury Bathers as the beaver. And Sean Mathers as the skunk. Beaver Cleaver's little brother, he also has an animal attached to his career, a skunk. I'll give you the story on that one coming up. According to a poll from Gallup, Illinoisans have the lowest opinion of their state of any American. 25% of people that live in Illinois say that Illinois is the worst possible state to live. Unless you're in Chicago, at which point you're not expected to survive at all. Okay, so you have somebody that you really want to do something for you. Well, how do you approach them? Well, if you want them to do something, talk into that person's right ear. Not their left ear, but their right ear. Why? I will tell you why here in just a few minutes. Jury Mathers as the beaver. Sean Mathers as the skunk. Cops have found the answer to crime right under their noses. The Los Angeles Police Department has a special unit that drives drug dealers and other low-lifes out of abandoned buildings by smearing their rooms with blobs of horrid smelling goop. While the name of the new urban heroes, the Skunk Squad, and their weapon is called Skunk Shot, and it sends criminals running for fresh air while gagging and holding their noses, and the odor keeps them away for days. Skunk Shot, it's been able to do what fences, gates, barbed wire, and multiple arrests have been unable to do, says Lieutenant Sean Mathers, the younger brother of, leave it to beaver star, Jury Mathers. Mathers engage, they surf the web and discovered Skunk Shot, a synthetic repellent, synthetic gel that is, invented in New Zealand, and each $12 tube, it holds enough to smear about five locations. Hi, I'm Darren Marlar, and if you want to get somebody to do something, talk into that person's right ear. People are better able to process information when requests are made in the right ear. According to Italian researchers, the left side of the brain, which gets its information from the right ear, well, that side of the brain is better at processing speech and language. The other side of the brain, that's more involved in things such as interpreting emotion. You can also see this tendency when people use the phone. Most will naturally hold it to their right ear. Each year, millions of deprived children in our country have to return to school without the latest technological gadgetry tethered to their pants. Just as generations passed, needed food, shelter, and clothing to sustain themselves, there's a newer crop of children who simply can't live without their iPods, portable video games, and most of all, cell phones. Like, hi, so I was talking to Ashley and she thinks that Chad is like so stuck up. Here at the Children Without Cellphones Foundation, we give a voice to those who don't have one by saying, please don't let them return to school without looking cool. The Darren Marlar Radio Show. That is the word in the street. Sign up to get Darren's newsletter on his website at DarrenMarlar.com. Caviar, hot sidewalks, and people you love. It's all coming up in our Weird Holidays up next. I'm Darren Marlar. The new trend for funerals is to pose the deceased in lifelike ways at the viewing, like sitting up watching sports highlights. You know what, when I die, I plan to be posed in front of a TV watching a Cubs game, because I'm usually unconscious during those anyway. Welcome to the Darren Marlar Radio Show, and it's time for today's weird, wacky, strange, zany, odd, bizarre, quirky, unusual holidays. Today is Tuesday, July 18th, you have 160 shopping days until Christmas, and today is Make a List of the People You Love Day. Today is Sidewalk Frying Day. It's a good time to fry something on the sidewalk. I don't know anybody who's actually done that, but every year, during the summer, you hear about people trying it. Today is National Caviar Day. When I first heard what caviar was, I got so grossed out when I found out it was just fish eggs. It was gross. I almost couldn't finish my omelet. Today is Perfect Family Day, not that anybody could celebrate it. In Spain today, it's National Uprising Day. Although you've got to wonder if it's such a good idea to have the government notice like this, to give the government notice like, hey everybody, remember now we're uprising July 18th, don't forget! And today is Presidential Succession Act Day. On this day, July 18th, in 1947, the Presidential Succession Act was signed, stating that in case of temporary incapacitation or death of the President, the Vice President is next in succession, followed by the Speaker of the House and President Pro Tem of the Senate, followed then by the most available Clinton, the most available Bush, and then most recent winner of America's Got Talent. Pope Francis doesn't want to hear no complaining from you. I'll explain what I mean by that right around the corner. I'm Darren Marlar and scientists have developed an off-switch for the brain to effectively shut down neural activity using light pulses. Uh, yeah, didn't they already have that? I mean, they called the invention television. Cable TV has a channel that's right for you and your needs, with several new channels such as the Time Channel. Okay, now we have 724 and we're about 11 seconds away from 725. The Stapling Channel. When I hold your paper straight, squeeze. Very good. Now, get another one. The Sanding Channel. Always move with the grade. See, they're going against the grade there. Come on back over here. And the Pope Channel. Call your cable company now and say, I want cable TV. Brought to you by Turner's Television and your local cable company. I want to hear it. The Darren Marlar Radio Show. Thanks for listening to the Darren Marlar Radio Show. Pope Francis, he recently hung a sign near his private rooms that reads, uh, Viettato Lamentare, uh, Lamentarcy. I can't speak Latin. Let me try it again. The Viettato Lamentarcy. Whatever. Anyway, it's Italian for no complaining. So it's not even Latin, it's Italian. That's how bad I am at Latin. I don't even realize that it's not Latin. So anyway, the sign essentially means no complaining. The sign was given to the Pope by a psychologist who writes motivational guides. And Pope Francis, he's known for trying to buck up believers by telling them to cast off their melancholy and stop grumbling. While the no complaining sign's small print, it warns complainers that they could develop, quote, a victim complex, resulting in a lowering of their capacity to solve problems, unquote. Identify yourself. You're listening too. It is a deal. It's about time. Everyone ready? Back, back, back. The Master of Ceremony. The Darren Marlar Radio Show. Listen. Cring up the radio. That does it for me. Thank you again for listening to the Darren Marlar Radio Show made possible by a flaw in the system. Good night, ladies. Good night, sir. Hit it, sweetheart. That's all, folks.