 So, I've been teaching in the dating industry since 2005 and one of the things that I've discovered in all these years is that there are some lies that women tell themselves about men and relationships and dating that really are incredibly detrimental to their ability to get into the relationship they want. It prevents them from having happy relationships, it can eat away at their well-being and their happiness and their feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. And so today I'm going to be talking about six different lies that women tell themselves about men and relationships and you're going to want to hear about these and you want to make sure that you're not falling for any of these lies so that you can end up getting into the relationship you want. So my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. If you really like my work, make sure that you end up joining our community. You can go to the foreverwomanformula.com, pick up my program there for free and join our community. It's really great. If you're interested in being loved and seen and cherished by a great man and a great relationship, it's a really great community. I suggest you join. So what are these lies that women are telling themselves about men and relationships? The first lie is I'm going to be the one who changes his mind, right? And so he doesn't want a relationship, he doesn't want marriage, he doesn't want kids and here's my suggestion. When a man tells you his values, believe him. When a man tells you who he is, believe him. When a man tells you what he wants, believe him. It's too often when I meet women who are trying to kind of prod and they're like, it's like they're chiseling away at a rock and they're just like, one of these days I'm going to get through and it's like, even if you do it'll end up, there'll be a whole bunch of resentment, it'll be a painful relationship. If he tells you that he doesn't want these things, believe him. And if it's a deal breaker for you, my suggestion is that you find another guy. If you can't accept him for who he is and what he values right now, you have to change your circumstances. You have to change what kind of guy you're in a relationship with, otherwise you're going to experience a lot of pain. You either have to change your expectations around what you want or you have to change who it is that you want it with. Stop trying to fix and change men, it never ends well. So the second one is, if I can be the perfect woman for him, then he'll step up and want the relationship that I want. And so he seems like he's perfect except for one thing. He doesn't want the relationship you want. He gives you excuses but no matter how you fix or flip or change yourself into the perfect woman, you're never quite perfect enough. There's always more that you have to prove. And so here's the truth. The truth is that you're not right for each other. And he's only with you until he finds the right woman. And you being with him prevents you from finding the right guy. So you're stuck on him and you're unable to find the right guy because you're stuck on him because he doesn't want the same type of relationship that you want. Maybe he wants a casual relationship, maybe he wants something else. But finally, you give up and break up and then three months later he ends up getting engaged and married to somebody else. Why? Because you are never right to begin with. You're trying to open a door that's closed for you. You're putting a question mark where he put a period. Don't do that. Doesn't end well. Next one is hooking up with him will get me closer to his heart. So a lot of women think that physical intimacy with a guy will get to his heart. And to some extent that's actually true. You can kind of build a deeper connection with a guy by getting to his heart or by sleeping with him. But if you focus just on the physical connection with him, the focus of your relationship will end up being physical. And he might in the moment have all those amazing feelings while you guys are intimate with each other. But eventually you guys won't be intimate with each other and he will go back to normal and he'll be like, I don't even know what I was thinking. Because the way emotions work is that people express things in the moment of how they're feeling right then in the moment. You can't believe that that experience that he's having or that you're having is something that is going to continue to go on in the future. So you have to make sure that you're not just connecting through physical intimacy because that's not the way to a man's heart. The real way to a man's heart is by connecting through his emotions. If you go to a restaurant and you order a bean burrito, don't expect a steak. I'm not sure if that's a good... I wrote that down earlier and it made a lot of sense. Maybe that doesn't make any sense. But you need to connect with his heart through emotions. So your emotions connecting with your emotions and then connecting to him with your emotions, that's one of the best ways to do it. His emotions, I talked about this in some of my other videos and some of my programs where you ask him questions which elicit different types of emotions. That's another great way to do it or let physical intimacy be the cherry on the top, not the main focus of the relationship, not the main focus of the connection, right? You want the connection to be something deeper that's more satisfying and more satisfying more often. That way he's not just trying to connect with you physically because that's where all the emotion sparks up. You want him to be connecting with you in times when it's not physical. That way he doesn't slot you in his mind as this casual friend with benefits type of situation. And the next one is he says we're casual but I really think he sees me as something more. We get women like this all the time just so you know we do not recommend getting into casual friend with benefits situations in our community. We don't recommend sleeping around, we don't recommend any of that kind of stuff because what ends up happening is you get attached and he doesn't and you start falling for him and you start going oh I want something more and he's like eh you know and it's it's rare it does happen don't get me wrong it does happen sometimes but it's rare for a relationship to come from a friend with benefits casual situation. So my suggestion is you don't do that at all so he says I'm not his girlfriend but he sees me as more right he treats you as more you dream of it being as more you wish that it was more but it's not it isn't more he said you're just casual just having fun it's not a real relationship but he acts like it's more. So why would a guy do this right because he is getting his needs met he's getting all your milk while he waits for what he really wants because he doesn't believe that you are actually who he wants and you're not going to convince him of it and so he's getting all of his needs fulfilled or maybe he doesn't even want anything for real and so he's just buying his time and just enjoying what you guys have but he doesn't want to move it any further and so we've had women in our community who have been in casual friend with benefits situationships for 12 to 17 years thinking it was going to one day go somewhere but it didn't and so you can either change your expectations around what you want with him or you can get out of the situation. My suggestion is that you never get into the situation and if you're in it you get out of it immediately but whatever you do don't lie to yourself you'll only end up being resentful towards him possibly men all together and maybe even yourself as a result so don't do that. The next one is we're in a long distance relationship together and so here's the situation that I see very often which is you haven't met him yet you've been dating each other for months or possibly even years yet you have no real plans of meeting together or even if you do have plans for some reason it always falls apart and it can never really end up happening so you're totally emotionally invested in this man but he starts pulling away or he's got other things going on or he's not acting the way that you want him to why because you don't even really know him you don't know that much about him you don't know who he is and you don't know if he he is who he says he is and you don't even know if he's single you've never met him he could just be some guy sitting in a basement somewhere holding a rubber chicken trying to figure out how to get money from you because he's a scammer so my suggestion is that you stay away from these fantasy long distance relationships and instead you meet people that you actually end up meeting in real life and building a real connection with because the magic is in the meta and so my suggestion is that you stay away from these texting messaging relationships with people in faraway lands I know it can be dreamy I know it can be really amazing and feel great but it's not really going anywhere and so my suggestion is that you go and date other people and meet people close to you and never send anybody money because if anybody asks you for money ever just don't give it to him right he doesn't he doesn't really need it he probably doesn't need it even if he does need it he needs to figure it out for himself he's an adult he's a man and so he should be figuring that stuff out for himself and so if you get what we're talking about here say I get it in the chat if you don't get what I'm talking about or you have questions about what I'm talking about or you just have questions in general go ahead and ask them in the chat next one and the last one is if I do this for him I can convince him to love me and so you you have this guy and he's not quite loving you the way that you want him to love you so you are buying him gifts you're doing things for him you're cooking and cleaning up his stuff and planning his events and taking him out and treating him like you would want to be treated or treating him how you hear that all men want to be treated you're just giving him everything you're giving him everything of you and he is completely taking it for granted you are giving him wife privileges when you're when he's only your boyfriend or worse he's just a casual friend with benefits and nothing you ever do will be enough because his door isn't open just like what we talked about before don't put a question mark where someone else puts a period you need to go get my system if you're having this problem right go build abundance for yourself come from a position of power you know build your your your orbit your man orbit i'm calling it the man orbit so if you don't have my system go check it out it's at the foreverwomanformula.com you can go get it for free if you decide you want to stay a part of our community that's really awesome we have a great awesome community and we're going to be building some really awesome new cool things and putting it into the community pretty soon so get excited about all of that so if you have any questions about anything put them in the chat that's what i'm going to go over next i'm just going to go over what we just talked about real quick the six lies that women tell themselves about men in relationships one is i'm going to be the one who changes his mind no you're not two if i can be the perfect woman for him then you'll step up and want the relationship that i want but he won't three hooking up with him will get me closer to his heart but it doesn't four he says we're casual but i really think he sees me as something more but he doesn't five we're in a long distance relationship together but you're not and six if i do this for him i can convince him to love me i know you know some of it kind of sounds kind of silly or whatever but it's these are really serious situations and i've seen women get into you know situations for years and it's just painful it's painful to hear some of this stuff from the women in our community it's painful to see it so just try to stay out of these lies right and if you catch yourself in one of these just try to get yourself out my suggestion is that you get in our community and you ask questions in our community because that's where women will help pull you out of whatever situation you're in because they'll be like hey there's a huge red flag there check it out you need to make sure that you're getting out of it and you're not in it so all right next i am going to see what kind of questions we have lots of happy new years just in case you're wondering we're doing this on New Years Eve so Irene says hey Matthew thanks for all your advice you are absolutely welcome thank you for being here and being a part of our community i really appreciate it we have the best women we have the most attractive women we have the coolest women we have the most awesomest women in our community best women in the world are a part of our community Michelle says Matt hello from Toronto you are looking so handsome tonight well thank you Patricia says what does he want then what if he doesn't say what he wants well you need or doesn't know you need to ask him what he wants and if he doesn't know what he wants then leave him with his not knowing what he wants and say hey when you figure it out great let me know but i'm not going to sit around and wait for years or who knows how long decades possibly or however amount of time you don't want to wait any amount of time for him to figure it out you might look at him and think man this guy is amazing and awesome and whatever but if he's not looking at you and thinking pretty quickly because men's time one thing you need to know Patricia is that a man's timeline is is much different than a woman's timeline in a relationship men's timelines are pretty quick they know pretty quick and they move things pretty quickly once they know and they're usually they might have a little bit of a lag time because they're like well i want to make sure that you know this is the right woman for me but if you know but once once he figures that out after it's been a few months of him kind of dating you and getting to know you and seeing that you don't have any major red flags and that this is really awesome he's figured out in his mind already by and it's they've done studies on this by the six month mark he has figured out in his mind whether he wants what kind of a relationship he wants to have with you and so if it's been more than six months and he's telling you still that he doesn't know he's lying to you and if he's telling you he doesn't know anyway from the from the get-go it's kind of like okay you know we can if i were you that would be like a a red flag you know you can go and you can hang out with them and you can date them and you can talk to them but i wouldn't invest in him i wouldn't do anything where i was you know getting super emotionally connected or attached to him for instance i wouldn't be sleeping with him or anything like that because if he doesn't know what it is that he wants at all then you don't want to be sitting around hoping that he ends up deciding that he wants what it is that you want instead you want to find a guy who already knows what it is that he wants right and who's searching for it and is looking for it and um if if you find that kind of a guy it's a totally different experience because you'll he'll hear different things from him right he'll be like yeah this is what i want this is what we're going to do and you're just like wow awesome that's awesome right and you're used to dating these guys who don't know what they want or you've been in this relationship with this guy who's always confused all the time you know it's like get out of those situations that's that doesn't serve you it doesn't serve you to be in a situation with a guy like that so happy new year happy new year so michelle says is it okay to compromise sex appeal for attraction to intelligence first with this work long term i feel attracted to his intelligence more than physical attraction am i on the wrong path here well possibly so there there is emotional connection right and there's an emotional connection that happens with men and with women right so if you are hanging out with a guy and you like his intelligence and you like all that but you're not really physically attracted to him i mean you can kind of give it a little bit of time but you don't want to give it too much time because at some point you're gonna realize like either yes i'm okay with it and and i can still do it or no it's just i still feel icky just thinking about getting physically intimate with him and there's no way that i can do it and if you're in the first situation it's something that can happen and if you're in the second situation then it's it's just never gonna happen right so he has to do certain things to build his appeal to you and if he's not doing those things and and you're not feeling it even if he is doing those things or not or whatever then it's it's it's just not gonna happen and and it's it's difficult to kind of like you know force it to happen and eventually you're what's what usually happens because i've i've seen women do this all the time because they were like well you know uh you know i've been i'm used to doing this other thing where i'm going out with these super hot guys but they're you know just sleeping around and doing all these things and you know they are attention you know seekers and all that kind of stuff and and so they decide to go the other direction and sometimes they get into relationships that end up working because they they're in a situation and there's enough appeal to them emotionally that it works out and they and they feel good about it but if it's not there for you then you you can't force it you can't kind of make it happen and eventually you're going to feel like it's not enough for you and that it's just kind of gross and then there's going to be like it being physically intimate in a relationship is important right for long terms like it working long term and if it's not there there he's going to be frustrated you're going to be frustrated everybody's going to be frustrated and it's going to be this point where you're like okay i've known this from the beginning but i decided to try to give it a try but it's just not working for me and eventually you're going to end up breaking apart because of it so you have to you have to figure it out for yourself right and so just um you know where is he on that scale of interest for you so Wanda says Matthew you are spot on thanks for your insight and guidance you are welcome Patricia says some guys push to have sex early on yeah most guys do and that's normal and that's healthy right it's healthy that he wants that he sees you and he's physically attracted to you and he wants to hook up with you and that's totally normal right and it's also normal for you not to sleep around and decide hey you know i really like you and i'd love to do that at some point but i need a deeper connection and i'm just not ready for that yet and if he continues to kind of push your boundaries decide whether he's doing that in a spot of disrespect and something where you need to pull away completely or if he's doing that or or what it is right or if it's something that you can deal with and it's okay with you so you you just have to figure out for yourself what what works for you Patricia says i need to hear this at the moment i'm glad Irene says has any woman used your techniques on you yes i have had yes yes women have used my techniques on me before it's it's pretty funny and it's and it's cool too because you know one of the things that that you know i'm not embarrassed about my techniques and what i teach you know all of this stuff not only does it work but it's also really powerful amazing stuff right it's not like in my opinion it's not game playing it's just learning about human psychology and human behavior and human biology and using it in the best possible way and yes absolutely my tech my techniques have been used on me before Patricia says play the long game not short term pleasure exactly so Cassia says Matthew you are helping a lot happy new year i've i'm glad i've trusted you and bought the access to your program thanks a lot you're welcome i'm glad that you enjoy it and it's working for you so Maribeth says what if we were girlfriend boyfriend broke up after four months and been casual ever since can that go back to a relationship he asked me if i want relationship last night don't know how he feels so yeah it can and it's a it's very difficult it's a lot more difficult to do that right like you don't want to get slotted into the casual category and it's easier it's much easier for a guy to take you from kind of this boyfriend girlfriend to this casual than it is for him to take you from this casual to the boyfriend girlfriend and so my suggestion is that you pull back you you use the scarcity principle like i talk about in the forever woman program and you say and you let him know that you and you find out what it is that he wants before you end up getting physically intimate with him again that way you're not just wasting your time and you think that something's going somewhere and he doesn't think it's going somewhere and so you need to have a real conversation with him about it because it you know you don't want to end up being in a casual situation like i hear women sometimes and they're like oh yeah you know i'm good with the casual thing right now and usually they're good with the casual thing because they're scared right they're scared of something right they're scared of being hurt they're scared of the the actual intimacy they're scared of of what will happen if they say that they want something more they're they're they've been hurt in the past and they're scared to get hurt again and so most women in fact most people that i know don't really want the casual thing long term they want something real and my suggestion is that you stay out of casual situations especially with an x one of the things i talk about in my x-back program it's called restart your relationship and one of the things i talk about in there is that you shouldn't when you get back into a situation with your guy you shouldn't just jump in bed with him immediately you should build that emotional connection with him and you should make sure that you're not jumping in bed with him and getting slotted as a casual friend with benefits type of thing because a lot of guys will be happy just jumping back into that because there's less pressure they don't feel you know like they have to do as many things and which is actually really interesting from one standpoint right why do they feel like they have this freedom in the casual situation that they don't have in the relationship and if that's the way that he felt that's something that you also need to know because if he's feeling restricted and he's feeling like his freedom is being taken away in the relationship but in the casual thing it's so much more free and it's so much better and it's you know all these amazing things and and it's great then you need to figure out why in the relationship it felt like pressure to him and see if it has something to do with the expectations that you're placing on the relationship and on him and figuring out whether that's something that you can change and adjust or not because a lot of times what ends up happening is that people end up breaking up with each other because the expectations that they have on one another end up creating a lot of pain in the relationship because the expectations don't match the reality of what the relationship is and so you know you're you're bringing yourself to the relationship but you have these expectations and you're not meeting them and and so you guys are like fighting and there's arguments and there's like you know just um feelings of like you know why why is this happening why isn't this going where i want it to be and so they start people start feeling pressure in it and and it ends up hurting the relationship it ends up hurting the emotional connection that you have together when you are together which will end up destroying the relationship from its from the inside out if that ends up happening just because it creates a lot of negative emotions in the relationship i hope i answered your question maraveth so patricia says well the guy i've been talking to is keeping me at a distance he lives one hour away haven't met him yet after a month of talking and sometimes face time yep you know and just remember there's a lot of guys out there and this is this is true for women as well there's a lot of guys and a lot of women out there who just want to chat buddy online and so you know it's one of those things where sometimes the dream so there's some people and and i learned this kind of in personal development where i i went before i was teaching women i did a lot of passion coaching and i was helping people i was a motivational speaker and i went and spoke at a bunch of different places and and i would coach people on how to find their passions in life and figure out what they wanted to do and one of the things that i found was that a lot of people have a dream of what it is that they want to do but they don't go towards that dream because they're so addicted to having this dream that they don't even know what they would do if they got there right and so they don't make any moves towards doing it and they don't put any effort towards doing it because they they just want to keep that dream that that imagination that they're going after something and so you don't want to end up being that dream that a guy has that that this idealization of who you are and all that kind of stuff and like it can be ruined when two people end up meeting which is why it's important to have dates to meet and all that kind of stuff so you're not just like hanging out doing nothing or or whatever and never meeting each other jen says happy new year matt you look good well thank you i appreciate that poly says you are so on point well i appreciate that poly michelle says a happy new year to you may all your wishes come true in 2020 that is what i'm talking about i want all my wishes to come true too so thank you so much michelle i appreciate that handsom matt always stay true to us women around the world we crave for and welcome your advice you are spot on well thank you so much iran says system is amazing glad you think it's amazing patricia says he said he's afraid of rejection doesn't believe i like him that's why he's not sure about a meet-up well that just shows you that he's incredibly insecure and has a lot of issues that you're going to end up running into when you do meet up and my suggestion is that you don't put a lot of weight on him ever meeting you and if you do for him to have all kinds of insecurities and feeling like he's not good enough and all kinds of stuff like that which is going to end up coming up if it's already coming up and he's already talking about it you can pretty much guarantee that it's going to come up even more so jen says exactly you're talking about my past and hopefully it stays in the past hopefully it stays in the past jen so tina says can all this apply to married people i get that he has left me is this starting dating your man all over again well you do need to start dating your man all over again right because one of the things that i talk about in my restart your relationship program is that men don't want to get into the same relationship that they left right if he left you he left you for a reason and if he wants to get back it's because he misses some things that you guys had together but it's not he's not missing what he left he's missing some of the needs that he was getting fulfilled before he left and so you don't want to get back into the same relationship you need to fix what what was going on that created all the resentment and the desire to for him to leave and and come from a new space where he feels like he's getting into a new fresh start of a relationship that's completely different than the one that he had before but still fulfills all the needs that he was getting fulfilled before things got worse and worse and worse and eventually it got so painful that he ended up leaving so ashley says okay matt i've been single for close to two years this includes intimately no casual well good for you stay out of those casual relationships no guys ever talk to me in real life online has been a failure how do i get a guy when no one wants a date well you know so my question would be why does nobody want a date right like it's not just nobody wants a date right like what's going on like what are you saying like there's a lot of things like if somebody looks at your profile right so most places at least in america uh you know and in a lot of other countries if you're a guy and you put up an online profile basically nobody will ever message you ever right so you could leave it for weeks at a time and you'll go back to it unless you're a really handsome guy you're not going to get messaged at all right if you're most women and you put up a profile and you put up a picture and you put up a generic profile about who you are you will end up getting messages from men and so men will be interested in you and so if you're having failure after failure after failure it's because there's something that is going on that you're missing that's the problem and you need to look at what that is right and figure out why that's happening there's no way for me to tell you based on the information that you gave me because you didn't give me enough information to look at it i can't look at your online profile i can't look at you know what you're doing in real life and how you're dressing and how you present yourself and how you feel about yourself there's a lot of things missing here and so there's no way for me to know i was just watching this doctor phil episode where this woman was talking about how she keeps getting ghosted right and she she's like i've been on i've been ghosted eight times by eight men and you know they all have girlfriends and how do why do i keep meeting all these guys that have girlfriends and then dr phil like put up the messages that she was sending all these guys and it was like she was like you know it was like one conversation then she's like hey are you sure you don't have a girlfriend and he's like no i don't and then like you know a couple messages later are do you have a girlfriend now and and he's like i already answered this question she's like so do you or don't you you know and what they found was that she was doing this with every guy where she was like hey do you have a girlfriend no are you are you sure you don't have a girlfriend why don't you text me back are you seeing somebody else you know and it was like oh okay i see what's going on right so what was actually going on was that she was coming from a place of feeling either feeling like she wasn't good enough which is probably what it was right like these guys don't really like her that much and so they're off dating other people because if she was sure in herself she'd be like hey you know he might be seeing other people he might not doesn't matter because when once he starts getting around me he's going to start realizing that i'm an amazing person that that and you know fall in love with me and think i'm you know the most amazing woman that he's met in his life and and if he doesn't then oh well and he can go off in his life and do whatever he wants and that's fine right and if she's coming from a place of feeling like she's not really worthy not really deserving of the relationship that she wants she's going to start questioning that and being like yeah are you seeing somebody else like why are you seeing you know why haven't you messed with me back right and so she's probably got some pain from her past from you know emotional trauma from her childhood or something where you know maybe she was seeing or dating a guy before and he ended up breaking her heart and he ended up with some other woman or something who knows what ended up happening that kind of stuff happens all over the place these days on both sides the men and women and so she ended up linking that guys are probably off dating and seeing other people and so she created this fantasy in her mind that if he's not immediately responding he must have a girlfriend and he must really be fake and you know he's he's just pretending or he's just chatting with me because he wants multiple girls or whatever right and in reality you know and so she's like hey we're all the good men you know why why don't guys like me you know why you know why is every guy that i'm seeing you know why do they all have girlfriends and it's like none of those things you know the things that she's assuming about what's going on there none of them are true and they're just true for her in her mind because she's creating these situations where she's constantly being super aggressive and then freaking out right and she has really low standards because she doesn't value herself and as soon as a guy gives her any interest she's all over them but then she's constantly asking hey do you have his girlfriend are you seeing somebody else now you know and so she's totally sabotaging her own ability to get into a relationship and so i have no idea what your situation is actually but maybe that will help a little bit there there's something going on there that's off and i have no idea what it is you can only know what it is or somebody that would look at what it is that you're doing or somebody that you're interacting with would know what it was so sonny says it's so not funny it really hurts yeah absolutely Irene says one guy tried to tell me i'd sleep with him it would make him love me more and he wouldn't be so afraid yeah well run away from that dude as quickly as you can because you don't want to you don't want to deal with that that just sounds incredibly manipulative so sherry says my past is so sad well you know a lot of us have sad past right i have a sad past you know we all have sad most people have sad past most people are broken and you know that's that's uh that's just normal it's a part of life right and that's what allows us to become stronger and become bigger and better people is that we go through pain and then we grow as a result of it and if you're not growing as a result of it you need to look at how you can grow as a result of it so that you don't end up getting stuck in it sometimes we get women in our community who are just stuck in their own misery and it doesn't help them right you can either choose to create the life that you want to have or you can choose to be a victim and reactive and just respond to the life that exists for you and if you create the life that you want to have then you are in control and you make decisions obviously you can't control everything but there's a lot of things that you can control you can control how you feel you can control what you say you can control what you do you can control the way that you perceive the world you can control the way that you perceive your past and if you look at your past and you go man my past is really sad then it that's going to create a certain type of experience that you have in your life but if you look back at your past and you go you know my past had a lot of challenges to it but it taught me a lot it taught me how to value myself it taught me how to interact with people it taught me how to communicate it taught me to be a stronger and a better woman then you'll have a completely different experience of your life and so my suggestion is that you switch your perspective on what's going on or what has gone on in your life and you look at it as an opportunity to grow and you look at it from a standpoint of this all of this stuff that has happened to me or that i've experienced in my life has enabled me to become a stronger and a better woman who can go and create more of what i want in my life and you know has has taught me so many lessons so that maybe i can teach other people something or so that maybe i can support other people or maybe so that i can support myself in getting more of what i want so sarah says so what do we do what do you do about what join join my forever woman program the foreverwomanformula.com that's what you should do and follow the system that's in there because it's a great system it works it works on human psychology and human biology and it absolutely works so yes use that go there the foreverwomanformula.com it's great grace says best way to set boundaries about no early casual hookups so hard to do when i'm attracted to someone yeah so it depends on what it is that is happening right so usually most people come to me and they're like okay i want to set a boundary because something happened so you know you can set a boundary so if a guy makes a move on you right where he's wants where it means right there are certain things that mean that he's trying to hook up with you right like a guy books a hotel room and he wants you guys to stay at the hotel room right that means that he wants to hook up with you a guy asks you to come to his house any and every time that a guy asks you to come to his house just assume that he wants to hook up with you a guy wants to go back to your place just assume that he wants to hook up with you right anytime that he wants to get you in a spot where you could hook up just assume that he wants to hook up with you and the way that you interact with him with that right is you set a boundary and the boundary that you set the way that you set a boundary is you first tell him what it is that you want right and hopefully what it is that you want is something to do with him more, or if it's not, then what you need to do is say no. Because there's kind of a hard rejection and a soft rejection. And a hard rejection is like, no, I don't want any, I'm done, I'm not interested, get away from me. Right? And a soft rejection is like, I'm not quite ready for that yet. And so the way that a soft rejection boundary looks is you want to tell him what you want. And that he invites you, let's say that he wants to do a, he contacts you at 12 o'clock at night and he's like, hey, why don't you come over to my place? And so basically he's asking you for a booty call. And so what you need to say is something like, hey, that sounds like a lot of fun. I'd really love to do that sometime in the future. However, I'm, for the time being, I'd like to get to know you a little bit better so that I could feel more comfortable doing something like that sometime down the road. I need more connection and I need to feel like we're going towards the type of relationship and situation I want. And so how about we meet up sometime this week during the day? So basically you're saying what you want and then you're saying the boundary and then you're asking him if he can either agree to it or for some kind of alternative thing to what it is that he's asking about. So Patricia says we had talks about it, had plans to meet, but didn't because of timing issues on my part. Okay. Jen says, you're awesome. I change my system because of you. Well, I'm glad you changed your system because of me. Polly says, hey, Matthew, what do you think about Facebook friending a guy you think is cute but haven't formally met yet? We also go to the gym together. Well, I mean it's one of those things like do you go to the gym together or do you guys go to the gym and you're both going to the same gym, right? Like it's better to do things in, you can, you can do it. You can send him a Facebook friend request, there's nothing wrong with that. When a guy gets a Facebook friend request from a girl, he knows immediately that she's interested, right? And if he doesn't know that, he assumes that and he thinks in his mind she wants to hook up, right? And she's super interested. That's what a guy thinks when you make that move. And so you can do that. Just remember that he's going to think that you're really interested in him. And so he's going to either like you and want to do something with you or not. My suggestion is if you do that and you Facebook friend him, you just say, hi, you know, I just saw you and my friend friend. What are those things on the side? I don't even know what they are. It's like friends, possible friends or something like that. You know, I saw you in that and I remember that we, I saw you at the gym one time. So I thought I'd friend you and just leave it at that and allow him and then lean back and allow him to make any other moves if he wants to make any moves. And so you can do that. Just don't have any expectations about what happens next. So one of the things that guys, one of the things, if you want to know about like approaching and all that kind of stuff with guys, most women that guys approach, things go nowhere. Right? So the average guy, if he wants to get a girlfriend, he has to go out and approach at least a hundred women in order to get one girlfriend, right? Because somewhere around 80 of the women will completely reject him. And somewhere around 20 of the women will, you know, be open to something. And then, you know, actually going on dates, maybe 10 of them will actually go on a date with him. And then out of those 10 that he goes on a date with, one of them will actually be something where you both get along and everything goes well and you end up in a relationship together, right? So for a guy, he has to approach 100 women in order for this to happen, on average, right? So as a woman, those numbers are dramatically better, right? Your numbers are dramatically better as a woman approaching a guy, right? Like I think there was some, there was some study, I can't remember who did it, but they had guys go out and approach women and, you know, ask them if they wanted to hook up, right? And you know, virtually no women said yes to this. I think out of 100 it was like one or something like that. And you know, they had a woman go out and do the same thing. And it was like, I think number three, like guy number three that said yes and the others were like, oh, hey, I'd love to, but you know, I'm, you know, busy right now or something like that. And so you have to remember that guys are more likely to be receptive to you than women are to a guy. But at the same time, you have to remember that it could go nowhere. And so I wouldn't get wrapped up in it happening because you send a friend request or whatever. And I wouldn't end up being, if I were you, I wouldn't be the masculine kind of force in this past the point of letting him know you're interested by sending him a friend request and letting him kind of pursue it and go after you if that's something that he's interested in because it'll, it's just a far better situation that way. So Kaysa says, I have a question, beginning is always easy to me. The worst part is after two or three months when I'm a bit involved, okay? Maybe more and he is taking things slowly. What would you advise? Cause that's difficult. My advice is that you lean back. My advice is that you follow my system. My advice is that you use abundance of connection, abundance of options. You use the scarcity principle that you create value for yourself. You use the polarity principle and that you build passion and stuff in the relationship. And then you lean back and allow him to pursue you and invest in you and start doing things. And if he takes it slowly, that's fine because you will have all of, all, everything will be in your court on your side of the court. I think the ball is in your court is the phrase. The ball will be in your court. So use the forever woman system. Go get it at theforeverwomanformula.com and lean back. That's my suggestion. So Amelia says, so if after two years and he only sees me once a week, it won't be more. Yes, I would be very concerned about it being more if it's been two years and he only wants to see you once a week. And I'd start questioning what's actually going on there because if it's been two years and you want to get married and he's not kind of pushing it towards that and you guys are seeing each other once a week, you know, I would be very concerned about that if I were you and I would be questioning how interested he really is in this being something more with you. So Kat says, I would like to hear your opinion about transitional relationship, please. I don't know what that means. What do you mean by a transitional relationship? Han says, you are the best Matthew. Thank you. I appreciate that. You've done it in so many ways. Well, I am happy that you feel that way. So thank you for being here. You are awesome. So Andalyn says, people with a good heart are always unlucky in a relationship. That's not true. That is not true at all. It's not true at all. Get my system, Andalyn. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com. If you want to get lucky in love and relationship and in love, go get my system and you will be amazed at how much more luck you end up getting. So in my experience, luck isn't something that just happens. Luck is something that we, is when preparation is when preparation enchants meet each other, right? If you're not putting yourself in the right situations and setting yourself up to be lucky, then you're not going to be nearly as lucky as other people will. And so my suggestion is that you go get my program at the foreverwomanformula.com and you start changing your belief system because believing that people with a good heart or always unlucky in a relationship will end up making you feel like you are always unlucky in a relationship. And so you need to change your beliefs. And I talk about that in the foreverwoman program. So you should go check that out. Didi says, Matt, you look so handsome. Thank you very much, Didi. I appreciate that. Leanne says, if a man is interested in a woman in the first two dates, he will still test us and try to get physically intimate straight away to qualify a woman. Or is that only intention from the beginning? Well yeah, it's still, so a guy is going to try to push things forward. Most guys will try to push things forward as quickly as possible because guys know that his best chance of getting whatever it is that he wants is by pushing things physical as quickly as humanly possible. That's just a fact. Just look at it at our community. If you join our community and you talk to some of the women in there and you look at some of the things that they're talking about, you will see that there's this huge group of women that decided that they wanted to get into casual friend with benefits situations. And what you also notice is that most of them are completely emotionally tied up with this dude, who they want to be boyfriend, girlfriend, they want to get married, they want all these things. Normally they wouldn't even have done it with this guy, but he was just so hot and they were just like, you know what, I don't even care right now, and so they just jumped into this thing. And then they find out that, and then they get attached to him and he never wanted it from the beginning. So they're chasing him and trying to convince this dude to get into a real relationship with him. And so sometimes it does work, right? And if he decides that it's going to work, it'll work usually, right, unless she ends up having more power in the situation and all that kind of stuff, but that's another thing altogether. So yeah, a guy's going to try to push for that. And it can be a test, right? So it's not fair. I'm not going to say it's fair. I'm not going to say it's fair. But if you sleep with a guy straight away, it's far more likely that even if he thought of you as the woman that he wanted something real with, he might end up slotting you in to the casual friend with benefits situation. And so you do not want to sleep with dudes early on. I mean, it's possible that it can work out, but you don't want to bank on it. So Vanessa says, me, I'm not lucky in a relationship. Well, you can change all that around, Vanessa. Whoa, you can change it around. Just go to the foreverwomanformula.com. Watch the video there. Join our community. Polly says, X is an X for a reason. Yeah, that's true. So Laura says, Happy New Year. Love these laugh chats. I'm glad you like them because I like them too. Lan says, totally agree. The key is learning to be clear in our own needs and boundaries and not acting or reacting out of fear. I love it, Lan. I love it. High five to that one. You are awesome. I love what you're talking about right now. We need to find our feminine strength. Find your feminine strength. I am on board with that. I will help you find your feminine strength. I am. You know what? I'm proud of you, Lan. I'm proud of you. What you're talking about right now, it really touches my heart. So thank you for being here. Thank you for being a part of our community. Patricia says, I'm taking notes. Well, I'm glad you're taking notes. Some note taken worthy things going on in this conversation. So Irene says, this is your year, ladies, by Matthew's program and be the beautiful, fun filled person you are meant to be and attract amazing men that, amazing man that wants amazing relationship. Don't sell. That's what I'm talking about, Irene. You are on board and I like that. You are a friend of mine. So thank you for being here. So Patty says, how many men should you date at once? Well you should have a big orbit if you can, but you should only date up to three men at most. Because if it goes more than three, what ends up happening is you're not really sure what's going on with who and somebody told you a story and you forgot, was it this guy that told you the story? I don't know who told me the story. And the next thing you know, you're saying things that you've already said to a guy that you've already said them to, but you think it's the first time you told them it and it just turns into a mess. You have no idea what's going on or who said what and who said who. So you want to have three is the maximum that you should see unless you're better at juggling guys, which I have doubts about. And so my suggestion is three at most. And if you want to have more people in the orbit, you can have more people in the orbit and you just let the ones who want to step up and create the kind of relationship that you want to have step up and try to create that with you. And then you go, which one am I going to choose? Am I going to choose you? Am I going to choose you? And then you choose the one that you want to choose. And that's the magic. That's the magic of abundance. And if you want to know more about that, you should go to the foreverwomanformula.com and go watch the video and sign up for our program and the community. That is my suggestion. So Jo Ann says, hi Matt. I really like all your videos and I love the advice about relationship. That helps me a lot, especially in long distance relationship. Keep it up. Happy New Year. God bless. Well, thank you. I'm actually going to be coming out with a long distance relationship program here pretty soon. So I hope that you check it out and you end up liking it and it'll be pretty awesome. I'm pretty sure you're going to love it for sure because it's just so awesome and you're going to be like, oh my God, this is everything that I need to know about a long distance relationship. And if you have any other questions about long distance relationships, let me know about them because I want to make this program the best program that you can possibly find anywhere about long distance relationships, which shouldn't be hard because there aren't very many programs out there about long distance relationships and there definitely aren't very many good ones. So wait for that. So you want a man who, you want to attract a man that loves you and sees you and cherishes you and you want to get into a committed lasting relationships. But you know, we live in this world of the hook up culture and men keep pulling away and disappearing and guys just want to hook up and they just want something casual and it feels like it's just too much and you're like, ah, what am I supposed to do and it's like really difficult and I can't get guys to approach me and what's going on and all right. And so, you know, this, you know, ends up making you feel confused. It makes you start doubting yourself, starts making you doubting your own value and your own self worth. And, you know, it might even make you feel like you just want to give up on men and dating and relationships altogether. And I, you know what? I totally get it. I've been there before. I, you know, if you're having a hard time with men and dating, really it's not your fault. We live in a culture that encourages superficial relationships and discourages anything meaningful. But I believe that there's a better way for men and women to get into relationships and stay in relationships that last. And that's why I put together a proven path that will help you get into the relationship that you've always wanted to have. It's my program. It's called the forever woman. You can get it at the foreverwomanformula.com. Look, I understand what it's like to feel like keeping someone in my life is almost impossible. I know what it's like to try lots of different things and none of them seem like they're working. I actually got into this industry originally as a client back in 2003, 2004, something like that, because I had had so many problems with women and attracting a good woman, you know, my first, my high school sweetheart ended up cheating on me and my brother, I mean, it's just a mess, right? It was just a mess. There is, there's a lot of problems there. And so I got into this industry because I wanted to figure this stuff out. And I ended up working on myself. I became a men's, men's dating coach where I was coaching men how to do this. And then I ended up coming over to the women's side and I really have enjoyed being on this side and helping so many women kind of move from this place of feeling like they were stuck. And it seems like they're, you know, dating is almost hopeless to them and helping them get into a place where they not only feel better about it, but they actually attract a great man into a committed relationship where they're loved and cherished. And many of these women have ended up in marriage. And so I have a three part plan for you to be successful from all the stuff that I've learned over the years. Number one is to believe in your own value. You have to believe in your own value because of something I call the law of belief transference. Whoever believes something the most will transfer that belief to somebody else. So if you, if a guy believes in your value, but you don't, and you don't more than he believes in your value, which almost certainly you will, you will end up pushing him away and you will make him believe that you aren't very valuable because of the law of belief transference because you will be pushing your belief onto him. Second is you need to position yourself in value, which is what I talk about with creating a power position, creating abundance, right? Creating polarity, all that kind of stuff. That's all about creating a position of value. And third is communicating your value in a very high, right? You want to come off as a high value woman, a woman that he sees and he's immediately like, man, this woman is so awesome and so cool. I'm so lucky to have her in my life. She's so important to me and so amazing. You're so important, so amazing to me. I never want to let you go. That's what, that's what you want to hear from a man. And so if you want, if you're interested in getting this program, make sure there's a link above or below this video, or you can go to the foreverwomanformula.com. Go watch the video on that page and sign up for my free course, The Forever Woman Program. And if you end up using the program and use the principles in it, you'll end up attracting a man who loves you and cherishes you. You might even end up attracting a few of them. He'll end up wanting to pursue you for a committed lasting relationship. You'll do less work and feel more appreciated and valued by men. And if you don't, you'll just stay stuck in whatever it is that you're doing. If you keep doing the same thing, you'll keep getting the same result. And so you, you, you want to change what it is that you're doing. You want to change, if you're, if you're just, if you feel like you're all, you're always having unlucky situations coming your way, then you want to change your luck. And you want to set yourself up so that you become lucky, so that you experience luck, so that all the people around you start looking at you and they go, wow, you're so lucky. How are you so, it's amazing. You just seem so natural and easy for you to attract a great guy and you know, you're so amazing and lucky. Like how did you get that way? And you'll have a secret. The secret is the forever woman formula. And so my suggestion is that you go to the foreverwomanformula.com and check out that program there. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. We have the most amazing, beautiful, attractive, awesome, intelligent, smart women in the world as a part of our community. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. And I wish you a happy new year. And if, and I guess I'll see you again soon. So talk to you later. Thanks for being here. And I will see you soon. Bye-bye.