 When the narcissist realizes you have won, when the narcissist realizes that you have become successful or victorious in their contest or conflict, everything is a game to the narcissist, everything is a competition and they have a dualistic mentality. They see everything in black or white where something is either good or bad. In their world, you are either a winner or a loser. There is nothing in between. It may look like they are trying to win, but they are actually just trying not to lose. They spend their entire lives trying to not look like the losers they actually are, because narcissists are losers. Every action of behavior they engage in demonstrates that they are losers. They do everything they can to make it look like they're not losing, but the truth is they are failing at everything they participate in because they're disadvantaged. There are often in unfavorable circumstances where they lack financial and social opportunities. They lack the basic resources and conditions that one would need to succeed and that gives them this losing mentality where they are constantly afraid. It makes them feel like they need to control everything in their environment because naturally they would never be able to succeed. They would never be able to accomplish anything because they lack the capabilities and potential to achieve anything on their own. It causes them to lose confidence in themselves. It causes them to feel powerless and people who feel powerless will seek power. They will seek the ability to direct and influence people's behavior at the course of events. They will try to control you. They will try to maintain influence and authority over you to compensate for their lack of confidence, ability and power. This is why everything becomes a game with a narcissist. This is why everything becomes a competition, but it's not because they are trying to win. They are trying not to lose. They don't want to be seen as the losers that they actually are. Even though every action and behavior they engage in demonstrates that they are losers. They will manipulate you. They will try to deceive you. They will cheat, lie and steal. All in an attempt to avoid looking like the losers they actually are. Because when they look like losers, they feel like losers. And it's that feeling they are trying to avoid. Which is why they are desperately seeking power and control. They want to control the narrative so that they can control how they feel about themselves. And that is why everything becomes a competition. That is why they are constantly trying to compete with you. But it is never a fair contest. The game is always rigged in their favor. They are always covering all bases. They will deal with everyone and everything. They will prepare and anticipate for every possibility. They will give attention to every aspect of a situation or problem. They will inform people of all matters at hand. All in an attempt to manage the risk of them losing. Because they already know that they lack the capabilities and potential to succeed. They will go to great lengths to reduce that risk. To the point where it becomes an obsession. To the point where their entire lives become a competition. Full of unwilling or unknowing participants. When you have won against the narcissist. It's really humiliating to them. It makes them feel ashamed and foolish. It mortifies them. Because while you may have been competing on your own. In most situations the narcissist will have had a team of flying monkeys assisting them. They will have handicapped you in some way. They will have tried to level a playing field. By restricting your ability to function physically, mentally or socially. Making it almost impossible for you to win. But when you do win. It just makes them look stupid. Because they had all of these people against you. They covered all bases and did everything in their power to crush you. And yet you still came out on top. You were still more successful than all of them put together. Which really makes them feel small. It makes them feel completely worthless. Because even with all of them combined. It still wasn't enough to defeat you. You still managed to win. You still managed to get out of there and get your life back together. You endured the disabling conditions that they imposed upon you. And still managed to surpass what they had achieved. It's like you were running a race. And at the start of the race. They placed a ball and chain around your ankle to hold you back. But you still won the race. You still defeated them. It just makes them look like idiots. Because if they were even a fraction of what you are. They would have defeated you. When the narcissist is placing limitations on you. They're more focused on your results. Rather than what they're doing to you. They look at it as though those are your actual results. Rather than it being an effect of their limitations or abuse. But when you succeed. Despite what they're doing to you. They have to see it. There's no other way. They will realize that you have won. The narcissist may realize that you have won. But that doesn't mean that they are going to like it. That doesn't mean that they're going to accept it. They will do everything they can to try to sabotage everything you have achieved. They will try to take it away from you. They will try to smear your name or discredit you. They're not just going to accept that you have defeated them. They are sole losers. They will become very angry and upset when they lose. They will even complain and blame you for their loss. They will say that you are responsible for them's fortune. And they may even expect compensation from you. If that doesn't work. They will try to minimize your success. They will represent or estimate it at less than its true value or importance. They will act like it isn't that great. Or they will say that you're not deserving of what you have achieved. They will try to discredit you. They will try to harm your reputation because they cannot stand to see that you have won. They hate it. It just reminds them of what they are. It reminds them that they're losers. Everything they do is an attempt to regulate their emotions. They control you because they're trying to control their emotions. They want to keep you down or hold you back. Because it makes them feel better. When they see you getting ahead. It just reminds them of how small they actually are. And they're doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on that fact. Deep down they know that they are losers. They just don't want to be reminded of it. They would rather exist in this fantasy world where they are the winners. Where they have defeated you. Even though they know that's not true. They will just pretend. They will entertain the land of make-believe. Because reality is just too painful for them to deal with. So rather than focusing on your success. They will focus on your faults and mistakes. They will focus on your flaws and imperfections. They will focus on trying to tear you down. Anything to avoid having to entertain the fact that you have won. Even though they know that you have won. They just don't want to acknowledge it. They don't want to accept or admit the existence or truth of that. Because it's too painful for them to deal with. It makes them feel small. It reminds them that they have lost. They think that by trying to sabotage you. Or take away your success that they are winning. When the definition of a loser is someone who has caused a loss. A loser is someone who is disadvantaged by a particular situation. And they are disadvantaged. Which is why they are constantly trying to gain an advantage over you. Because in their minds it's not fair. In their minds you have an unfair advantage. You have a condition or circumstance that puts you in a favourable or superior position. And that is why they are always trying to handicap you. They are always trying to make your progress or success difficult. They are always trying to create hindrances or obstructions. They are always trying to create things that provide resistance or delay to you. Because they are trying to slow you down. So that they can get ahead. They cannot play fair. Because they believe that you have an unfair advantage. And that is why you will often be competing against a large group of people. Rather than one other person. That is why they will prepare and anticipate for every possibility. That is why they will give attention to every aspect of a situational problem. And they will inform people of all matters at hand. Because they are terrified of losing. They are terrified of being seen as the losers that they actually are. They don't like how that feels. Which is why they are constantly trying to project those emotions onto you. They do everything in their power to avoid looking like the losers they actually are. Which unknowingly to them is typical behaviour of a loser. Only a loser would need to control the environment and manage the risk of losing. A winner just goes straight for the win. But narcissists do not have a winner's mindset. They have a losers mentality. Which is why they will continue to spend the rest of their lives trying to cut corners in an attempt to get ahead. But when they cut corners all they end up doing is going around in circles. Going nowhere. They just repeat the same things again and again. But it never gets some of the results that they are looking for. But they are not even aware of that because they are just trying not to lose. And that is why most of these people never really amount to anything. Rather than doing what needs to be done. They are more focused on managing your perception. Making you think that they are winning. But it never gets them anywhere. Because all of their efforts go into the orchestration rather than building something for real. They are more focused on just trying to fool you. They would rather skip the hard work and just go straight to getting their reactions to their illusions of success. Because your reactions make them feel good. It makes them feel like in that moment. Maybe they are not losers after all. Thank you for watching. I hope this video has an interview. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. Check out the new Narc Survival website at www.narcsurvival.uk Where you can read my blog posts, book coaching sessions and join a support forum.