 So, before I begin my broadcast tonight, or at least the topic portion of it, I just have a personal share, or confession I'd like to make with you all, is that I tend to watch a lot of other YouTubers, particularly in the relationship realm, and lately I've noticed quite a few women YouTubers out there criticizing feminists, the feminist movement and feminism as the problem with relationships today. In fact, they completely seem to throw women under the bus and that the problem with relationships and dating today happens to be entitled women. I'm gonna say that again. The problem in relationships today, according to these YouTubers, is the problem is women and entitlement. And while I will say there is some level of entitlement out there within human beings, I can say that there's a significant percentage of the population that is very self-centric and myopic in the way they view their dating, what's the word, the dating marketplace, if you will. There are a lot of people out there spewing things that are just absolute garbage. And while there's reminences of truth to it, we can't look at it as the substantial truth because there's people out there talking about the sexual marketplace and a woman's value is really only her sexual value. And her greatest gift is her youth. And without her youth, she's going to have little chance of landing a guy to take care of her financially. And in fact, many of the men who are on this bandwagon basically proclaim that a woman's value is to be subservient to a man and that they should bow at the knees to a man to support them financially. Well, since I said this was a confession, I'm here to say that is other fucking bullshit. And what I mean to say is, and by the way, I'm only a proponent for women because I began dating coaching to help women improve their profile so they can meet men because I kind of operated from the perspective of a man's point of view and helping women who I spoke to in the online community. I didn't realize it was gonna morph into me being a champion for women in particular in the dating, mating, and relating realm. I'm really not a champion of women. I'm actually a champion of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work so someone can genuinely love on oneself so they can actually experience a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship whether a man or a woman. So I wanted to get that off my chest because, and yes, I curse on occasion and yes, I yell on occasion. Okay, I'm passionate. I'm here to say there's a reason why I yell because the reason why I curse is to wake people up to the idiocracy out there that's in the advice realm. And not to suggest my advice is the end all be all to everything. I know folks, I can have a righteous attitude at times and I can pontificate at times, but part of it is because I'm like your big brother, I just wanna protect you from all the garbage out there. And at the same time, I'm not here to suggest that I'm above it all either. So this topic today about when a man ignores you. And again, I focus on helping women understand men. I really noodled on this and I wanted to take a different approach today on the concept of being ignored and that approach is could ignoring someone be a form of abuse? I'm gonna repeat that, could ignoring someone be a form of abuse? And why I wanted to lean into that today is because I was watching the HBO series called The Val and it's about the supposed cult called Nexium and the leader Keith Reneer and how he used mind games and manipulation to create practically a harem of women that were absolutely submissive to him. And one of the techniques he used was a manipulation technique of gaslighting and ignoring people so they can feel a sense of anxiety because when you get ignored, all of a sudden you start feeling like, what's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Am I being punished? What can I do differently in this circumstance? Have you ever felt that or you felt ignored by someone in relationship? You felt dismissed, you felt punished, you felt like you replay it in your head, how could I do something differently? And then you begin obsessing over it over and over again. Is that possibly when someone, when you're in, you know, here's the thing, when we look at the dating marketplace today, oftentimes it used to be, if you wanted to get laid, you had to get married and these days all you simply have to do is say a bunch of nice things to a woman, intimate that you want a relationship, a few dinners and then sex can be had and many cases, men go overboard, we call this love bombing. I sometimes have, I haven't loved bomb per se but I've certainly over exaggerated my interest in a person. I think that's because I was experienced either lust or limerence. And if you're not familiar with lust or limerence, I highly recommend Googling it. While I'm sharing this with you today is when someone comes on strong or even comes on with interest, such interest that they proclaim a sense of desire to be in a fully committed relationship with you, to then all of a sudden ignore a person, you know, without true cause. And what I mean to say is, sure, somebody could have something going on at their professional life and they might temporarily be preoccupied, okay? I certainly know that most of you know I lost a child. And during that time, I was so preoccupied that I actually ignored a lot of things in my life, not relationships per se, but in that space, I was so scatter bearing that I didn't pay bills and I ignored a lot of things. So there are certainly situational things can happen. But I wonder, could ignoring a person be, as I said in the beginning, a form of abuse if it's done intentionally? And so I wanna lean into this because what I think could be happening, some of the reasons to ignore someone could be that the man's life is in absolute chaos. I can't tell you how many women come to me seeking relationship advice. And when I hear the backstory of the guy, he's out of work, he's got issues with these kids, he's going through a contentious divorce. His life is in absolute chaos. And when the ground underneath somebody doesn't feel solid, it's quite possible that they want that companionship connection and sex and yet they're incapable of leaning into a relationship. And when someone's life is in such chaos, like what, for example, when I lost my son. By the way, there's a picture of Connor right there. It could it be situational or it could be a problematic in this person's life. Evaluate this person's life. And we're gonna talk about that in a little more detail in a moment when a man starts to ignore you or pull away. The other reason why a man might ignore you is he might have someone else on the side. The reality is, is these days with these devices we can have multiple relationships, communicate with multiple people all at once. And for many of you ladies that find yourself in long distance relationships where you barely see one another, it's quite possible a man or a woman could have multiple partners at the same time. This is why I'm such a big proponent of establishing partnership based relationships where in the early stages of dating, once you've committed to wanting to be in a relationship together, once you've made a vow together to explore a relationship that you spend on average three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. That's my world, okay? That doesn't have to be your world. Your world might simply be, I want a casual relationship. I don't have time for a fully committed relationship. That's okay. I will tell you this. Dating triggers the number one emotional health issue most people are faced with and that is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. Dating triggers that. And when we've had habitual situations where we go unfulfilled in relationship, we can find ourselves emotionally void of actually being able to get close to another person. This is why when I wrote my book, folks, what the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self health and spiritual work. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book in the book recommendations is to help shore up one's own love cup. And folks, you don't need to love yourself to call in a soulmate love. I will say the door opens much wider when you love yourself. The door opens much wider. The problem with a lot of women today is they don't know how to vet a man in the early stage of dating. That's right. Look at this. Here's a link to right here. Jonathanasley.com forward slash coaching. If you'd like some support in that, check out the free link, check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you because listen, I just wanna read my notes for a second we'll share in a moment what to do if you're being ignored or a man is pulling away. Because the other reason why he might be ignoring you, it's a control thing. It's a manipulation tactic. Certainly narcissists use this, sociopaths use this. People that have very little actual individual self-esteem and their job is to tear down your self-esteem. And so, listen, I wanna read you something that I read. What to do? What to do when this happens? There are many reasons he could be giving you the cold shoulder. He could be punishing you. He could be trying to play the field. He may be trying to get the upper hand in the situation or he could feel insecure about himself and your reciprocation of his attention causes him to ignore you. The chances are unless he's upfront and honest with you, you will never know why someone is ignoring you. Now again, I want to differentiate from those temporary circumstances. That's a lot different. When someone is intentionally pulling away ignoring you or even if you're in a significant relationship and all of a sudden they disappear. That, in my opinion, is a form of abuse. So what do we do in these cases? What is the empowered approach? What is the empowered approach? First, I think it's time, ladies, that we reflect on the relationship and the facts. The facts. And what that means is there's, listen, human beings operate from an emotional level, but they also can operate from a logical level that creates an opportunity, I've got to read my notes, that creates an opportunity to regulate your emotions. But many of you, believe it or not, many of you ladies are as equally as emotionally constipated as men. Many of you don't know how to regulate your emotions. I was watching a documentary that talked about, I believe it was John Glenn who was the first person to orbit the earth. And when he was shot up in a rocket, I want you to think about this, your butt is sitting on a 100,000 pound rocket being shot up into space and his heart rate never went up above 70 beats a minute. I don't know that specific fact I'm now going from memory. I want you to think about that. The capacity to regulate your emotions. I know when some, I've known in the past when someone hasn't returned a phone call to me, my anxiety level shoots my blood pressure through the roof. Especially if I'm dealing with a technical problem or I'm dealing with India on some issue with respects to my website or not, my blood will boil. So regulating our emotions is something that it's time to learn to do before you ever enter into a relationship. This is why today I want to talk about two books. One is called The Language of Emotions by Carla Lauren. What you're feeling and what your feelings are trying to tell you. By the way, there's a link below to all the books I recommend. Highly recommend reading this book. In addition, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters, folks. And last but not least, I highly recommend reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. By the way, this should have been called Compassionate Communication. Why am I recommending these books? Because folks, if you want to be in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship, then it's time to form that relationship through healthy, emotional intimacy. And that happens through what I teach in my private coaching called Radical Honesty. Radical Honesty. It is time not to take, listen, you can focus on, listen. I don't believe a first date should be a job interview. Do you know where you do the interviewing? Before you ever go on a date, it's through the telephone. You pre-qualify someone to check off certain boxes to determine if they're actually capable. Now, is this going to, you know, this is just, this is putting the odds in your favor that someone is emotionally mature, because the reality is folks, I know if you're brand new to my channel, you may have not seen this chart of emotional maturity and relationship skills. Now, this is not an effect that's merely an opinion, but I would believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I say 20% are emotionally healthy and has good relationship skills, I'm being generous there. The vast majority of humans are dysfunctional. You have an eight out of four out of five chance to end up with a dysfunctional human being or someone with clinical issues. So look at, ladies, let me give you an example of this. If I asked you all to put in the chat box right now, what do men think about always on a first date? What do men think about always on a first date? Put that in the chat box right now. We all know the answer. So here's the thing, if we know this about men, let's just also just step in and say, human beings are rather dysfunctional. So rather than jumping in emotionally in the relationship, operate from logic. And as I said earlier, operate with the facts. What are the facts? His life is a mess. He barely communicates with you. He strings you along in the early stages. His actions didn't match his words. Those are the facts. But Jonathan, I love him so much. I know I can make it work. Ladies, many of you are clinging to the fantasy, the fantasy that a broken person, if you waited out long enough, will somehow magically grow up emotionally speaking. And yet the facts tell you otherwise. You know, it's interesting. I speak to women after a breakup and do you know almost every single woman who's spoken to me after they've had a breakup with a man, they all say the same thing. I knew something was wrong right from the beginning and I went against my better judgment. That's your logical side. Your logical side is actually evaluating your wellbeing. And yet your emotional side in both, this is true for men and women alike. We allow that because we have this amazing chemistry and it's such off the charts chemistry. I've never experienced this with anyone else before. Folks, do you know healthy love actually is calm love? It's not off the charts chemistry. Certainly with my beloved and I, I have a great chemistry with one another. But it's not the first time I've experienced great chemistry because I don't set it apart as being something so spectacular and so scarce. I operate from the premise that it's abundant in the capacity of our lives. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. If it is hit that like button, please share this video. Please subscribe to the channel if you're brand new. So individual empowerment is the antidote to the potential suffering you might have in the future. In fact, I think of it as a vaccination to emotional chaos is doing personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Look, I'm your big brother. I wish I could be there on a first date for you. I'd have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's face and say, what's your intentions with my little sister? See, you have to operate as your own matchmaker. You have to operate as your own protector because ladies, very few people are gonna stand up for you. And I'm here to suggest you standing up for yourself. However, if you're working with me, I'm your big brother. I'm your protector. I will help you out, okay? All right, so if he's ignoring you, my advice for you is dismiss that guy like a cold potato. Again, provided it's not situational in his life, okay? Because that to me is a form of abuse. And I don't want any of you to be abused. All right, this would be a great place to start our Q&A for today, for those who know my live streams know. If you have a question, write the word question, then post the question thereafter or use the dollar sign in the chat box to purchase a super sticker, super chat. That way I find these questions much easier. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. Again, that's him right there with his brother calling when he graduated. My son who passed away four and a half years ago. And in his name, I've started the scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman process, insight seminars, and also to defray the cost of coaching for those in need. And if you're watching the replay, just click the description to the super thanks and you can purchase the super thanks there. Okay. All right, let's see what's some of the questions here. Alaina asked, did I get the three types cards? I haven't gone to my mailbox but I'm gonna check tomorrow and I'll let you know. Thank you so much, sweetheart, for that kind gift, I really appreciate it. Michelle says, I truly would love a big brother like you. You're so inspirational. Hey, I'm certainly here to help. Check out that discovery call with me. All right, let's see what else we have here. Everyone says this is resonating with me. Thank you so much. Lucia says question, how to deal with a crush whom when in person, the connection is there but pulls away online, leaving me unread. All right, so online. So first off, Lucia, here's my first recommendation. The online conversation should never last more than three weeks before physically meeting one another. I call it my three, two, wait, three, two, one, three. No more than three email communications should lead to one to two dates, physical dates, all happening within, or at least, excuse me, roughly that, three text message or emails should lead to two, one or two telephone conversations should lead to one date all in a three week period. If this is lasting much longer than what you have as a cyber relationship and I don't give advice to cyber relationships, I give advice to relationships where people physically meet one another. I'm not interested in cyber or virtual relationship. So if that's what you're experiencing, I can't help you with that. Face-to-face relationship, how to deal with a crush. Here's the problem with a crush. It's usually unrequited love. But here's the bottom line. If you have a crush on someone, walk up, you know what, my second relationship after my divorce, I had a crush on her, I was up front, we went on a friendship date, we eventually began a relationship together, it didn't work out. But if you have a crush, walk up to the person, say I have a crush on you, can I take you out for a drink? That's my advice for you. All right, good luck with that, Lucy, I appreciate it. Hey, I wanna thank Samantha for the $3 Super Sticker. Thank you so much for the call. And Cecilia, thank you for the Super Sticker as well. All right, Debra 007, question. Why would he go back and forth in a texting in a text ending it and not a phone? This is just happening today and I've been crying all day. You know what? By the way, I am guilty of ending a short-lived relationship via text. Now what happened was we had a text communication and in the communication I ended it. Let me be candid with you. I was a chicken shit. It's hard to tell someone you don't wanna see them again. It's easier to hide behind the screen. So I was a wimp, I was a simp, I was a pussy. I didn't wanna deal with it. That's just the reality of it. That's the reason why. Some, now it was a short-lived relationship. If it's a significant relationship, my most significant relationship and I ended it face to face. I've had some quasi long distance relationships. I mean, there was like probably a 30 minute drive that's ended over the telephone. But the reality is if it's a short-lived relationship, a text conversation is an easier way to end it. I'm not saying it's right, it just was is. We can judge me as being wimpy and no courage and all that, sure. I've done, listen, I'm a human being. I've done, if I had a list of all the stupid things I've done, all the insecure things I've done, the times I felt fear, listen. I mean, it certainly doesn't outweigh what I think is the good in me. But if you put me up to a microscope, certainly you can judge me just like you can judge anyone. But I wanna remind everybody to look in the mirror when you're judging someone, because guess what? Oftentimes you're looking at your own mirror with rose color glasses. Anyway, thank you so much for that question, Debra. I really appreciate it. Jena says, or Joni says, question. I've been a relationship that's very emotionally intimate for two years, but we can't seem to get the physical intimacy. Should I move on? Folks, listen. My belief is if you begin a relationship with someone face to face, you should be fucking on a regular basis. What's the point of a romantic relationship if the penis doesn't get to go inside the vagina? Listen, I'm a big proponent, I'm spitting out. I'm a big proponent of a healthy sex life. My girlfriend will tell you I'm the horniest guy on the planet. And I'm a baby boomer, tail end baby boomer. So I'm here to say a sexual relationship in my mind is for a romantic relationship is part of the reason to be in a relationship. So how do you move things? Should I move on? Listen, have sex. If you're choosing to build a life with someone then have the conversation. Listen, if you haven't read the book, hold on everyone, if you haven't read the book, if you haven't read the book, eight dates by Dr. Julie Gottman. Listen, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, listen. Read this, chapter, wait, chapter three, let's get it on, sex and intimacy. Read that chapter, have a conversation with them and let me know how it goes, okay, Joni? Thank you so much for that question, I really appreciate it. This doesn't, okay, question. I started dating someone about two months ago. He tends to go away on weekends. He claims he spends weekend with a daughter and family. Should I be concerned? You know what folks, today we're meeting total strangers and we know nothing about them. I wonder if we should do background checks. I'm wondering if we should first off start with a social media background check but do background checks on people. My concern is, are you in a long distance relationship or are you in a local relationship? Certainly spending weekends with the daughter is very common but you might wanna check. Listen, you can get the divorce decree and read the custody agreement. That's one thing to consider doing but I'm not so certain we shouldn't be detectives when we're dealing with total strangers. I want you to think about it in the past. We used to know the people we dated. We were first in the same tribe and then the same village and then the same town or we were in the same workplace and now it's a melting pot of people we know nothing about. This is why I'm such a big proponent of meeting family and friends. Going to a person's workplace. My girlfriend goes to my workplace all the time. It's my studio and office here but go to a person's workplace. See how they operate. Especially if you're gonna allow that penis inside the vagina. You have every right to know as much about that person if you're having regular sex with them. Don't be cavalier here. Be intentional. That's my recommendation to you. All right, let's keep going. Let's keep going. Thank you for that question. I appreciate it. Ah, rule of says question. In all your years of coaching what's the most common red flag you immediately recognize that most people fail to? What's the most? Oh, that's a tough one. What's the most common? You know what? For me, now this is just for Jonathan Asley. I pay attention if someone is talking at me or with me. Are they talking at me or with me? Now let me just say this. A red flag simply means ask more questions. So right now I'm gonna throw my girlfriend under the bus. She's out of town right now so she can't hear me and she doesn't watch my videos, which I appreciate. That's her right there, my sweetheart. We live together. On our first phone call, all she did was talk about herself. She didn't ask me any questions. So when she reached out a week later to check in on our phone call, I told her upfront I didn't like our first phone call and she immediately called me. We were texting each other and I said, you talked a lot about yourself. You didn't ask me questions. And she said, you know what? I've heard that before. And what she then went on to say in a very compassionate way is she wanted me to get to know her and she told me her life. Well, I recognize that she and I operate differently because in my world, I ask questions to get to know someone and in her world, she thought she'd share who she was. Well, we went on to have a four hour conversation then. We had a conversation with each other once I broke the ice about what was and what I really respect about her was her capacity to take ownership of what happened instead of getting defensive or gaslighting me. So why am I bringing this up? Because I think one of the most common red flags within humans is their weak emotional, their weak relationship skills and their actual ability to communicate with one another. And I think it starts by recognize who's talking at you versus talking with you. Talking with you is a conversation of ideas. Talking at you is telling you things. And by the way, she still has a propensity to act that way. I also know another side of her now because a red flag simply means ask more questions and that's what I did in that particular case. And as she always says, and here we are, all right? So thank you so much for that question. Well, I appreciate that. Wanda says, question, how do you always end up in the just the sex or buddy category when I first meet a man or one that doesn't know the type he wants? I'm giving up on finding the right one even if I wanna meet. Well, first off, I am guilty of this. I am just like any bloody red-blooded American male. What I said earlier, what do men think about always on a first date? Sex, sex, sex. So you've got basically, if you throw a dart on the wall of 100 men, you're gonna find 99.9% of men that all they think about is sex. So why might you be attracting men who pursue you sexually? Couple things. Well, first off, what I just said, but I will also tell you another reason is some women operate from a very provocative way or they operate from such low boundaries that they, I don't wanna say they invite sexual pursuit, but men are always testing boundaries. So if your boundaries are weak and men always test boundaries, you're bound to submit to that test because you don't have strong boundaries. That doesn't make you a victim and that doesn't make you deserving of it. I'm just saying having stronger boundaries is number one. Number two, why do you find men who are emotionally unavailable or unable to commit? Because 80% of human beings are rather dysfunctional. Folks, read this book, The Hoffman Process to Heal Your Own Individual Childhood Wounds and Traumas. And I also want you to read this book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. What might be, this talks about what's known as the Amago. By the way, the link below to all the books I recommend. The Amago, what that means is imaging. What we're talking about is you, most humans oftentimes choose people like someone, some person that they were raised by because it's familiar. So if you have a propensity of choosing the same person type over and over again, it might be because of the Amago. And I highly recommend checking that out. Wanda, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Lucia says, thank you. Mia asks, Jonathan, it is very, it is every, wait, Jonathan, it is every too late for a person when they are a senior. I've heard that after 30, women hit a wall. Folks, I'll tell you, I've worked with clients. I have one that has worked, I've worked with me who's in mid-70s, actually 78. And at the time we were working together, she literally had five dates going on at any given time. I've known so many women in their 60s to attract great love in their lives. In fact, I was recently at a workshop where all of the women met their life partner at age 60. I mean, all but, excuse me, all but one of the women had met their life partner at age 60. So I'm here to say age, if you make it an issue, it can't, now I will tell you, we are way more attractive in our 30s and our 20s than we are in our 50s and 60s. We get wrinkles. We start to get crow's feet and all that stuff. We get, by the way, I don't have gray hair, okay? I know a lot of you go, Jonathan, do you color your hair? No, I don't color my hair. I thank my mommy and daddy for giving me great hair. So I don't color my hair. But a lot of men have gray hair. A lot of women have gray hair. So, but that's just a fact of life is we age. So anyway, Mia, I hope that answers your questions. Thank you so much. Andrea writes, question, what dating apps do you endorse? What dating apps do I endorse? Well, I met my beloved, there she is right there, on match.com. We actually also connected coincidentally on Millionaire Match. I've also been a fan of Bumble and Hinge in particular. So those are the four that I like the most. Match.com, Millionaire Match, Bumble and Hinge. A lot of people have had success on J-Date, E-Harmony. Actually, my girlfriend's second oldest son met her, his wife on J, or E-Harmony. His oldest son met his wife on Bumble. So, you know, those are just the four that I recommend. So that's a great question, Andrea. Thank you so much. All right, I took my glasses off to see what we got here. Cecilia says to your chair, thank you, Jonathan, your charity is appreciated. Thank you so much. Esperanza, question. He said he loves you. Wait, he said he loves me because I'm beautiful, funny, smart, and kind, but wants to wait having sex until I lose weight. Should I be insulted? That's such a fucking bullshit thing to say to someone. That's fucked up. Yes, you should be insulted. You should be absolutely insulted. What is wrong with you based on your weight? That is a person that's gonna, you're gonna have major issues with. So I would definitely be insulted by that comment. I think that's rude. And honestly, you know what? I had a woman once tell me after a first date that she didn't wanna see me again because she thought I was overweight. Do you know what I did? Bye-bye. That's my response to that. Thank you for your question. I appreciate it. Kind of hits a nerve with me. Cecilia, question. How do I avoid having to be rushed to the chores and deadlines as a babe in total control of herself? I don't understand chores and deadlines. So sorry about that. I can't answer that one. R, D, S, G, and L, A says, when a pan pulls away, I pull away farther. Okay. Someone just asked if I have a twin brother. Where was that? Oh, hold on a second. Cecilia says, do you have a twin brother who's single? No, I do not, but I thankfully know that there's an abundance of great men out there with good hearts. Oftentimes they're a little bit overweight, sometimes balding, sometimes graying of their hair, they may not look like Prince Charming, but they're a lot of, and sometimes they have a full head of hair and are in great shape. Sometimes you might be rejecting a great guy based on appearance. You know, I want to tell you the story. I did the Hoffman process at the retreat. And there was 20 women, no, 20 men and 19 women. By the way, 20 men, 19 women at this retreat. And you're not allowed to tell people what you do for a living. So, you know, by the way, when you interact with people, you kind of let on, you don't tell them what you do, but you kind of, I think sometimes with your words, you kind of let on what you do because at the second last day, when I got up and told people I was dating a relationship coach, everyone wondered, I thought you were a therapist. So the way I communicated. Well, later that evening, again, this is the second last day, we're all in the jacuzzi and I'm sitting in the jacuzzi and all the women were surrounding me because they wanted to talk to me about what I do for a living. And all the guys were flipping me off because I had all the attention. And one by one, I chatted with the women and one of them came up to me and said, Jonathan, I want to be candid with you. When I got here, I scanned the room and I looked at every man here and I really was attracted to two men. She said it was you and another guy who looked like the Marlboro man. I mean, this guy had a chiseled face, just looked like, he looked like Sam Elliott with a little bit darker hair. And she said to me, I was attracted to two men when I got here. She said, after experiencing these 19 beautiful men, she goes, I would date every man in this room. And I want you to know that I used to be rather judgmental and superficial and what I'd learned in this experience, what I'd learned in this experience is to focus on someone's heart and not the way they looked. Anyway, just my thoughts. Does anyone resonate with that? Please let me know in the comments. Hey, Elizabeth, I want to thank you for the $4.99 Super Sticker Conner. You're getting money. Let's keep this roll going. Okay. Ha, ha, ha. Lori says, dating is like our government. Screwed up and nobody wins at it, but them. Sadly true. Stormy says, oh yeah, I pay my truth finder faithfully every month. I don't know what that means. Michelle says, most definitely right, Jonathan. Thank you so much. Janie, Joni says, thank you. I have the book and we are on chapter two. You are amazing. Thank you. I'm so, folks, did you hear that? She and her guy are reading the book, eight dates by doctors, Jon and Julie Gottman. Ladies, I can't begin to tell you how many women reach out to me to tell me that they're reading this book with a guy. Oh my God, I'm so happy to hear that. Folks, there are good men out there that will do the work. In fact, I invite you all before you become, before you have regular sexual intimacy with a man, you begin with the dating vows. Here's the dating vows. By the way, everybody in the description of this video, there's a copy of the dating vows. Okay, if you're hearing this now, and I'm gonna read this to you. Get him to commit before sleeping together, the dating vow. Have you ever heard the saying, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? The dating vow is before sex or before regular sex, you agree to the following with each other. I, Jonathan, agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months. I, Jonathan, agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I, Jonathan, agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down our dating profiles. I, Jonathan, agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting, ignoring you or disappearing. And lastly, I, Jonathan, agree to invest regular time in the process to get to know you, which looks like shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married. Folks, these are the exact words I said to my beloved. The third time we saw each other when we agreed that we were gonna explore a relationship with each other. Now, I will tell you 90% of men will bail on this because there are thousands of women who will have sex without any commitment or agreement whatsoever. If all the women band together going forward, this will change how men treat and view sex. But in the meantime, if he does agree, you have a better chance of commitment than without it. Yeah, you're gonna get a hard time getting men to agree to this. But if you did, hey, you've got a potential for someone with potential and that's my invitation for you. All right, let's see. Let's go swim in. Do you have a question? Write the word question and post the question there after. RG says, I totally agree with paying attention to whether they talk at you or with you. Exactly. Rula says, thank you for answering. Your knowledge is truly insightful, much appreciated. I love the word much appreciated. I love the word appreciated. Lucia asks a question. What do you say about dating a guy 20 years younger than me? Could this ever work? I happen to know a couple where there's a 19-age age difference and they're married. I know many circumstances where there's somewhere between a 10 and 20-year age difference where the woman is older than the man and it does work. Could it be problematic? Absolutely, there are problems that could be had. Can it work? Yes, it can. But realistically, probably not. The average it probably isn't. However, if a man deeply cares for someone, it doesn't matter how old she is. When a man deeply cares, nothing's gonna stop him for wanting to be with that person. So thank you for that question, I really appreciate it. Hey, really quickly, I wanna share something with you. I had a meme I posted today. Where's that meme? Goes like this. And this comes back to a man ignoring you, okay? The meme goes like this. A man who is truly interested in a woman will find endless number of reasons why he must see her. A man who's just playing around or confused about his own feelings will find an endless number of excuses why he didn't show up. Folks, when a man truly cares for a woman, when a man truly cares for a woman, he'll show up because he cares about you. And the man who doesn't, he's flaky. Turkish says, oh wait, society says or makes us believe that women should just walk off a cliff after a certain age. Again, that's bullshit. Don't listen to society. I don't subscribe to that. I'm gonna tell you, my beloved, she'll kill me for saying this. She's one year older than me. So it's not 20 years, but listen, not all men are seeking women 10, 20 years or 30 years younger than them. That's not all men. All right, let's keep going. Woo, Rhonda says, question. Why did a guy I was involved in for the past two years go out of the country without telling me? He changed his phone number. Why would he do that? What did I miss? That's a complicated question that I can't answer, but maybe he's running from the law. That's one reason why he might be. He's running from the law. Michelle says, well said, Jonathan. Thank you so much. All right, let's keep going. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. Oh, do we have any questions? Write the word question. Oh, here we go. Claire, Claire, you are such a sweetheart. Can I give you a big, gigantic, Jonathan Bear hug of appreciation? I love all your beautiful comments on my channel. I see them regularly. I just wanted to give you your props. So question, why men in middle age hate cell phone use? Today, everything is done on the phone and they operate in ancient times. Is this a generational problem? Look it, the other day I had to, my doctor had sent me a text message. I had to fill out all these, I had to go online and fill out all these forms on my phone. I'm like, fuck, this is a pain in the ass. Can't I just go in the office and check the boxes while I'm there? Yeah, I'm going to tell you something. It's the older we are, the harder, I'm going to tell you technology isn't easy for me. Certainly for my son, he's like whipping through shit, like his thumbs are moving at 50 miles an hour and I'm like, dot, dot, dot. So some people don't like the phone. I personally rather have in-person connection than telephone connection. That's just me. So anyway, but Claire, thank you so much for all your love. I really appreciate you. All right, Claudia writes, this will be our last one for the evening. How would a woman sell herself when she hasn't ever been married with no children? Men can see that as a, see this as something. Let me see if she says. So you do not ever, ladies, you never have to sell yourself. What I invite you to do is individual empowerment. This is one of the reasons why I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? In addition, it's one of the reasons why I recommend the book. Why men love bitches and bitches stands for babe in total control of herself, ES. When you genuinely operate from the premise that you're a fucking badass person, it doesn't matter what they think. What matters most is how you feel about yourself. To be self-contained, self-reliant, to be in your sovereignty, to operate from a place of what matters most is how I feel about myself in the mirror. And that's my invitation for you. It doesn't matter where you came from, what matters most is how you show up now. And that's my invitation for you. Everybody is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know if it is. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. By the way, if you want to talk to me, schedule a discovery call with me. There's a link below. Check out my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram. Check out the books I recommend. I hope I brought value into your life tonight. I hope I've made a difference. That's my goal. And the most important difference I want to make in your life is that you choose individual empowerment for yourself because as I started this broadcast, those people that are poo-pooing feminism saying that women are the problem, let me just say this, there is just as many jackass men out there as just as many dysfunctional women out there, okay? What matters most is how you feel about yourself because the problem with relationship is not men or women. The problem today is a lack of individual self-love, self-reliance, self-care, and most importantly that individual sovereignty that says it doesn't matter what other people think of me, what matters most is what I think of myself. God, universe, spirit. I invite in. I am living a juicy, delicious relationship. We start by it's already here. I'm living a juicy, delicious relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another and the conversations and the banter between us can go on for hours and hours at a time and our lifestyles are so blendable that we are living together. And we share the same values and we have built the deep roots of trust that can sustain our relationship. God, universe, spirit, I'm experiencing this right now. That's my invitation for you all. All right, this would be a great place to wrap up our video. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big gigantic John the bear hug of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love. There's a teddy bear love because we can all use a lot more love today. I wanna thank Pam and Stormy and Lisa and Claire and Anahita and Terry and Sherry and Cecilia and Esperanza and Lucia and Claudia and Christina and Linda and Weegeans in the house, Whitney, Coastal, everyone. Ema, Irma, thank you all so much. Wishing you a bright, beautiful last evening. Take care, bye now.