 Palm olive soap, your beauty hope, and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressable hair bring you our Miss Brooke starring Eve Arden. Most school teachers try to cooperate with their principals, and our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, is no exception. But with her principal, Osgood Conklin, it isn't always easy. Last Monday, for instance, he instituted his wake-up plan, a series of early morning calisthenics for the faculty. Attendance, of course, was purely voluntary. You could either show up in the morning or make up your mind to live on relatives for a while. Mr. Conklin started the exercises to combat the restlessness that seems to come with spring. I wouldn't know about that, though, because I missed the first three sessions. That's why I slept in the other twin bed in Mrs. Davis' room on Wednesday night. She's my landlady and pretty absent-minded about most things, but she promised to wake me promptly at 7. We retired about 10 p.m., and I fell asleep almost at once. Connie? Oh, Connie, are you asleep? Are you asleep, Connie? What is it? What's the matter? Nothing, dear, but if you're going to get up earlier than usual, you'll need all the rest you can get. I'm glad you were sleeping so soundly, and it's only 11 o'clock. Oh, great. I'm way ahead. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll take up where I left off. Oh, right, Connie. Oh, Connie. Connie! Now, don't worry about anything. I mean, I slept all day yesterday, so I'll probably be wide awake in plenty of time to get you up in the morning. Thanks, Mrs. Davis. Oh, that's nice to know. Gives me a real feeling of security. Good night. I hope you'll get enough sleep. Uncle Conklin has a lot of nerve asking his teachers to get to the gym a half hour earlier. Why, he isn't even there for the calisthenics. Makes me mad. If I knew, Connie, I wouldn't go. Do you hear me, Connie? Connie, are you awake? No, Mrs. Davis, I'm fast asleep. Good. That's a lot better for you than a lot of idle conversation at this time of night. You're so right. Good night. Good night, dear. Oh, dear, there goes the phone. At least I think it's the phone. Our front door has a buzzer. Or is it a bell? No. No, that's the phone, all right. Connie. Connie, are you up? Yes, Mrs. Davis, I'm up. Oh, that's too bad. I was hoping you were asleep. But as long as you're up, would you mind answering the phone? Not at all. It's right on my way. You collaborated, Harriet, but that's all right. I've been sleeping like a log since 11 o'clock. What time is it now? Two minutes after. Game on me. I should have been up seconds ago. No, dear, Denton didn't. But what was he supposed to call about? Could you speak a little louder, Harriet? Heaven's sake, stop saying Miss Brooks. He's mad enough now to chew up the telephone. Besides, he's been barking at me like a bloodhound all week, and I don't feel like listening to any more of it. Just tell him it was a wrong number, Harriet. You understand? I understand perfectly, Miss Brooks. Franklin. Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I must have dialed the wrong number by mistake. Do you always make calls in the middle of the night, Miss Brooks? I wonder you can never drag yourself down to school on time. But, Mr. Franklin, I... I suggest that you curtail the remainder of your nocturnal social calls, Miss Brooks, and hit the sack at once. Aye-aye, sir. Brooks. Yes? Oh, what in the world can that be? Connie's just fallen asleep. Must be the... Must be the phone again, and it's after midnight. Yes, it's the phone beyond the shadow of a doubt. You convinced me, Mrs. Davis. Don't go away, Morpheus. Hello? Hello, Miss Brooks. This is Walter Denton. I presume I woke you up, huh? You're a grand presumer, Walter. I didn't fall asleep until 12 o'clock. What time is it now? Well, adding those two minutes to the two I slept before Harriet called, I've accumulated a giant sleep jackpot of four minutes. If you don't mind, I'd like to be a sport and try for eight. I just woke up too, Miss Brooks, and I remembered that Harriet wanted me to call and say that I... Gee, I'm sleepy. Harriet wanted me to say... ...that her father is setting a little trap in the morning by taking over the calisthenics himself and to be sure and get to school promptly. Gee, thanks for warning me, Miss Brooks. Fine. That was the least I could do. Connie, I'm worried about you. The telephones kept you up half the night. Well, the kids were just trying to be helpful. Let's see now. I'm sure Mr. Boynton knows nothing about this trap. What trap? The one Mr. Conklin has set. It's terribly late, but I wouldn't sleep a wink if I didn't warn him. I'd better give him a ring. Oh, I'm sure knocked out. Here, Connie, let me dial the number for you. Your eyes look like they're ready to fall out of your poor head. There you are, Connie. Thanks, Mrs. Davis. Hello, Mr. Boynton. I'm terribly sorry to disturb you, but I know you'll forgive me when I tell you about the trap that's been set by that old devil Conklin. Is this, Mr. Boynton? Who is it? It's that old devil Conklin! Oh, no, Mrs. Davis, you fixed me up fine. Look, I'd better forget about Mr. Boynton for tonight and try to relax for a little while, anyway. That's right, dear. You've only got a few hours left to sleep. Here, why don't you take a couple of these aspirin tablets? There's some water right by the bed here. Thanks, Mrs. Davis. I think I will. Oh, now I ought to pop off in no time. Yes, I'm sure you will, dear. Oh, my, I forgot those tablets in that aspirin box. What's the matter, Mrs. Davis? They're not aspirin. They were the pills the vet prescribed for our cat Minerva. To make him sleep the time she was so nervous, remember? When the goldfish bit her paw. I put them in an empty aspirin box. Connie. Connie! Well, sleep is sleep, I guess, even if it's only a cat nap. Connie, Connie, get up. Oh, well, here we go again. Who's on the phone now? Nobody, but I'm afraid I dozed off, too. It's 10 a.m. Oh, I guess I'd better be thinking of 10 a.m. Mrs. Davis, hand me my clothes. I've got to get out of here. Now don't get panicky, dear. I'll make some coffee for you first. Give me a match and I'll go down and turn on the gas. Never mind the match, Mrs. Davis. Just turn on the gas. The garden will continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith. Here's wonderful news, ladies. Wonderful, wonderful news. Now there's something thrillingly new in Palm Olive Soap's famous beauty lather. Yes, something thrillingly new. Palm Olive's famous beauty lather now brings you new fragrance, new charm, new allure. Millions of women will prefer beauty lather, Palm Olive. Over all other leading toilet soaps, the minute they try it. But Palm Olive Soap's famous beauty lather now has a new, clean, flower-fresh fragrance for new allure, new charm. So ladies, forget all other beauty care and use Palm Olive Soap the way doctors advised for a lovelier complexion. Just stop improper cleansing and instead wash your face with Palm Olive Soap three times a day, massaging Palm Olive's wonderful beauty lather onto your skin for 60 seconds each time to get its full beautifying effect. Then rinse. That's all. All types of skin, young, older, oily, respond to it quickly. Don't wait another day to try Palm Olive's beauty lather. You'll be thrilled by its new fragrance, new charm, new allure. Thrilled again by the fresher, brighter complexion doctors prove may soon be yours. For new loveliness all over, use big bath size Palm Olive in tub or shower. I rushed down to school as fast as I could. With my alibi, the aspirin box containing Minerva's pills clutched in my hot little hand. I made right for Mr. Conklin's office, figuring I might as well grab the bull by the horns. Sure enough, when I got there, the bull was pawing the rug in front of his desk. Come in. It's me, Mr. Conklin. Ah, so it is. Good afternoon, sleepyhead. I'd like to explain, Mr. Conklin. The Sandman worked overtime, eh? Well, yes, sir, but... What's the idea? Oh, my fault, Mr. Conklin. I took one of these pills about three o'clock and I didn't realize they were so powerful. Powerful? That's just a box of aspirin. Yes, sir. It's an aspirin box, all right, but the pills... I put that box on my desk and sit down, Miss Brooks. Put it down! That's better. Now, I realize, Miss Brooks, that I can't punish you for missing the voluntary calisthenics, but I can punish you for missing your morning classes. Yes, sir. This is a splendid method of giving you, if I may borrow an expression from the undergraduate body, your lumps. Well... Lump away, Mr. Conklin. Your sixth period has always been a free one, hasn't it? Well, yes, sir, but I've always... I know you have, but now you won't. As you know, Mr. Boynton is coaching the baseball team this year, and so I've decided to let him concentrate on that during his sixth period, while you, Miss Brooks, will take over his biology class. Oh, but, Mr. Conklin, I don't know enough about biology. Do you need to worry about picking up the rudiments of biology, Miss Brooks? From the look I've seen in your eye when Mr. Boynton passes your great bird and bee material... Now, the next step in your punishment... There's more? Oh, yes, yes. I'm going to report your delinquency to Mr. Gleason of the Board of Education. He's due here at any moment to inspect the result of the Conklin wake-up plan. But, Mr. Conklin, it was an accident. You don't have to report me to Mr. Gleason. Ah, but I do, Miss Brooks. You see, Mr. Gleason was almost made principal of Madison before I received the appointment. If I fail to report your absence this morning and Gleason finds out about it, he'll tear me limb from limb. I'd be happy to sell tickets. I mean, I have a good alibi for being late, Mr. Conklin. I hadn't slept all night, and those pills are so... You forget, Miss Brooks, thanks to your flair for telephoning. I was no Rip Van Winkle last night myself. But even so, I got here promptly at 7.30 and personally directed the faculty in a healthful stimulating series of exercises. We did back bends, push-ups, knee squats, cartwheels. Now, why do you look so tired? I am not tired, Miss Brooks. And what's more, I very rarely get tired. When the Board appointed me principal, they knew very well that Madison was getting a man of boundless energy and she made a determination. A gentleman I told them in my acceptance speech. From now on, Madison is my ship. And as its captain, I'll try to steer a true course on the stormy seas of Egypt. Mr. Conklin, the captain's asleep in the deep. Well, maybe if I leave him alone for a while, he'll forget about my punishment. Oh, it's Mr. Gleason. Hello, Miss Brooks. I suppose you've come to see Mr. Conklin. That's right. I'm here to inspect the result, if any, of his so-called wake-up plan. Oh, but you can't go in now. I think Mr. Conklin slipped out for a few minutes. And he left orders not to... Orders? Conklin takes orders from the Board. Now step aside, I'm going in. Well... Man overboard, Captain. Quiet, Miss Brooks. I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for years. I'll just make a little call to Mr. Stone, President of the Board, and ask him to come over. I want him to see with his own eyes, old boundless energy asleep at the switch. Oh, but Mr. Gleason, that isn't a very nice thing to do. That'll be all, Miss Brooks. I'm ordering you to leave this office at once. Very well, sir, but I'll be back in a little while to fix the hole in the ceiling. Hole? There's no hole in the ceiling? No, but there will be when Mr. Conklin wakes up and sees you sitting there. That's it, Mr. Boyden. I've got to take over your sixth-period biology class. And what I know about biology can't even be seen under a microscope. Oh, but that isn't fair treatment at all, especially for somebody like you. After all, you've done a lot for this school. It isn't the school I'm mad at. It's the principle of the thing. He probably had some other clever penalties planned for me too, but luckily he dozed off in the middle of a compound sentence. Then he's actually in this office sleeping like a baby? Right, like a big fat grouchy baby with a mustache. Now, I guess those calisthenics knocked him out. Honestly, Miss Brooks, ever since he started that wake-up plan, I've been dog-tired. I guess I'm in pretty bad shape. You can't knock it to me, Mr. Boyden. Hello, Mr. Boyden. Hiya, Miss Brooks. Hello, Walter. How did things work out with Daddy, Miss Brooks? Oh, just Dandy Harriet. He's building the scaffold for me now. I better run along and enjoy my last free period for a while, Mr. Boyden. Oh, please don't go. If you're going to take this class over next week, you'd better study my methods of teaching. Don't you think you might get some ideas just by watching me? I always have. What do you mean about teaching biology? Well, if you're sure you don't mind. Oh, not at all. Now, come to order, class. There. We have a guest today, students. Miss Brooks will join our class as sort of honorary pupil. Now then, I don't know if you'll just sit down at that desk, Miss Brooks. We'll proceed with the class. First, I want someone to define the cellular structure of the Sirathala Johnsoni. The Sirathala who? Well, who's going to answer? I nominate our honorary pupil, Miss Brooks. I second the nomination. Well, you seem to have been elected, Miss Brooks. I do not choose to run, Mr. Boyden. Miss Brooks, don't hold back. Who knows you're the smartest teacher in the whole school? I'm not seeking a lengthy definition, Miss Brooks. Just tell us about the structure of the Sirathala Johnsoni, which, as you know very well, is the technical term for the horned tree frog. The horned tree frog? Oh, naturally. Well, the Sirathala Johnsoni is actually a horned tree frog named Johnson. It's a noun, frog, from the Anglo-Saxon frogger, froggiste, fragmente, frogaruni. Yes, but as regards the structure, Miss Brooks. The structure, yes. Well, in the structure of a sentence, the horned tree frog may be used in the forms of either subject or object, such as the quick-brown fox jumped over the lazy horned tree frog, or the lazy horned tree frog jumped over the quick-brown fox. Yes. In other words, Miss Brooks, you're telling us that the horned tree frog, unlike most Selentia, forms a secondary deposit of bone in the deeper dermal tissues and may produce ankylose incrustrations akin to triprion and turnohyla. Mr. Boyden, you took the words right out of my subclavian epiglottis. You did very well, Miss Brooks. And now, class, who will define leptodactylus pentadactylus? Mr. Boyden, I nominate our honor. Walter! Where are your manners? Didn't you see I had my hand raised first? Oh, I didn't notice your hand was raised. Well, that's fine. You may go right ahead, Miss Brooks. Thank you. What a racket. That conchlin has snored me into a splitting headache. Just wait till Mr. Stone arrives, you old foghorn. Madison may have a new principal after all, or as he'd have every dog in town around him. Mr. Stone, it better get here soon. My head will split wide open if I have to listen to. Well, what's this on conchlin's desk? Hmm, just what I need for my headache. A box of aspirin. Well, that's the end of another school day, Miss Brooks. Not for me, Mr. Boyden. By now, our beloved principal must have told Mr. Gleason all about my missing this morning's classes. He's probably got a dandy lecture already for me. I hope he doesn't take too long about it. I'm dog-tired from those calisthenics. Oh, here's his office. Here, let me open the door for you. Mr. Conchlin has a guest in his dream house. That's Mr. Gleason, isn't it? Yes, he's inspecting the wake-up plan. Say, look out the window, Miss Brooks. Isn't that Mr. Stone, president of the board, coming up the front steps? Let's see. Yeah, that's him all right. Oh, we've got to do something, Mr. Boyden. I can't let even Mr. Conchlin get caught in a trap like this. Quick, Mr. Boyden, you go out and try to delay Mr. Stone. I'll take charge in here. Mr. Conchlin. Mr. Conchlin, wake up, Mr. Conchlin. Wake up. Oh, yes, Miss Brooks, as I was saying, Madison High is my ship. As is Captain. Lower your sails, matey. It's past three. What happened to the day? And what does Gleason mean by falling asleep in my office? He might have dozed off waiting for you to wake up. He caught me sleeping on the job? Great scot, I'll be drummed out of Madison if Mr. Stone gets wind of this. But it won't take a very big wind either. He's out in the hall now. What? What'll I do? Miss Brooks, you've got to help me. You've got to think of me now, not as your principal, but as your friend. A friend who is drowning. I'll see you to chew it well. Quick, Mr. Conchlin, get into your inner office and act as if you're busy. All right, Miss Brooks. All this excitement has given me a terrible headache. I'll take this box of aspirin with me. Oh, but, Mr. Conchlin, that isn't it? Oh, great. Well, it seems only fair that I wake up Mr. Gleason before Mr. Stone. What's going on in here? Oh, hello, Miss Brooks. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Stone? Uh, this is Mr. Gleason, Mr. Stone. Mr. Stone, Mr. Gleason. Mr. Gleason? And I thought he was one of the board's most industrious members. This has certainly opened my eyes. Now all we have to do is get Mr. Gleason's open. Wake up, Gleason. Wake up, do you hear? Please, just give me five minutes more, dear. Gleason! What? Oh, my goodness. I must have dozed off, Mr. Stone. Believe me, sir, I have no idea how it happened. When I arrived here shortly after noon, I found Mr. Conchlin asleep behind his desk. Is this true, Miss Brooks? Well, the last I saw of Mr. Conchlin, he was quite busy in his inner office. Things were really jumping, in fact, running and jumping. You hear that, Gleason? You must have been dreaming. Why, Flash, Conchlin and I played football together, and I never knew up on Adam Osgood to be anything but on his toe. He's right in his office, sir. Here, I'll open the door for you. See, Mr. Stone, that's just how I found him before doing lunch hour. Oh, Mr. Stone, he must have taken a couple of Minerva's pills. I tried to stop him, but he... What are you talking about, Miss Brooks? Who's Minerva? Wake up, Mr. Conchlin. Where's my ball of beyond? What's the matter? Where am I? Well, hello, Mr. Stone. I'm amazed, Osgood. First, Mr. Gleason finds you sleeping in your office during lunch hour, and now this. Explain yourself. Well, that is, I... Miss Brooks, explain myself. Well, Mr. Stone, there is nothing in the board's rules that governs the actions of the faculty either during lunch hour or after the school day officially ends at 3 p.m. Since it is now well past that time, your board holds no jurisdiction over Mr. Conchlin whatsoever. None whatsoever. Now, Mr. Stone, there's no apology necessary. Well, not so fast, Mr. Conchlin. Wasn't there something else you wanted to report to the board? Yes, Osgood. What did you want to report? Wasn't it about cancelling your wake-up plan for the faculty, Mr. Conchlin? Oh, yes, yes. That was it. I find that calisthenics tend to make my teachers altogether too listless, very bad, calling the whole thing off. Now, as I see it, we should... Miss Brooks, what are you hanging around for? Well, I just thought I'd have to say... This discussion does not concern you in the least, run along. Goodbye. Bless you, my dear. Well, you can walk me home now, Mr. Boynton. Everything worked out fine. Mr. Boynton, you can get up from that chair now. I might as well make it unanimous. Good night, all. Brooks returns in just a moment, but first... Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. Tonight, show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo. Only luster cream brings you K-Dumit's magic formula blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin, gives loveliness lather even in hardest water, glamorizes your hair as you wash it. Luster cream, not a soap, not a liquid, but a dainty cream shampoo leaves hair frequently clean, free of loose dandruff, running with sheen, soft, manageable, gives new beauty to all hairdos or permanents. Four ounce jar, one dollar, smaller sizes, either tubes or jars. Tonight, try luster cream shampoo and be a... Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful luster cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to... luster cream shampoo. And now, once again, here is our Miss Brooks. Well, I finally got home and that evening I was telling Mrs. Davis about the events of the day when I received a rather distressing phone call. It concluded with my saying, now don't you worry, Mrs. Conklin, I'll get that information and call you right back. Mrs. Davis? Yes, Connie? What's the name of the vet who prescribed those pills for Minerva? We've got to get an antidote immediately. An antidote? But why, Connie? Mr. Conklin just finished dinner and he's under the piano licking his paws. Next week, tuned into another Our Miss Brooks show, brought to you by Pomali Sof, your beauty hope, and luster cream shampoo for soft, glamorous, caressible hair. Our Miss Brooks, starring Eve Arden, is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Boynton is played by Jeff Chandler, Mr. Conklin by Gail Gordon. Other than tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Prenner, Gloria McMillan, Ed Begley and Earl Ross. Men, do you shave with a lather or brushless shave cream? Pomali shaving cream comes both ways, and whichever way you prefer to shave, you'll find that using either pomali brushless or pomali lather shaving cream can bring you more comfortable, actually smoother, shaves. Here's the proof. 2,548 men tried the new pomali way to shave, described on the tube, and no matter how they had shaved before, 3 out of 4 got more comfortable, actually smoother shaves. Get pomali brushless or pomali lather shaving cream today. For mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs, listen to Mr. and Mrs. North, the exciting, fun-packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife. Tune in Tuesday evenings over most of these same stations, and be with us again next week at this same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. Are you a young man who wants free training for a good job that pays well, then you'll be wise to inquire about enlisting in the United States Armed Forces. Today, America is building the largest, best-trained, best-educated peacetime army in its history. And to make sure it's the best, thousands of young servicemen are being carefully trained to be skilled experts in many fields. This could be your chance of a lifetime. Inquire at your nearest recruiting station. Stay tuned now for Life with Luigi, which follows immediately over most of these stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.