 So this morning, I was having an interesting thought Some people might think I'm crazy because I have all these weird thoughts But it centered around how relationships were 50 60 years ago at least here in the United States pre birth control Now when it came to a woman choosing a mate Because there was the risk of I don't want to say risk of having a baby But the potential of having a baby a woman was way more selective When it came to who she chose to be intimate with and it used to be back in the day that Basically if you wanted to get laid you had to get married so there was a lot not I mean there was a discrimination when I say discrimination there was a Vetting process a woman did to make sure this is a person she'd want to have a baby with and then there was a commitment from the man to Make that happen That certainly changed after birth control And what's interesting that's happened the last 50 or 60 years here in the United States a phenomena called Dating came into place because it used to be a man would court a woman in other words He made he basically would declare his interest in a woman now by the way I'm speaking generally and not as an absolute this didn't happen all the time But much of the time a man would court a woman because he knew he wanted to go the distance with this person And then all of a sudden after birth control dating came into place and then a little bit later some something called online dating came to place So why is it important to understand this about dating? Well the thing is Dating allows an opportunity for two people to take more time to get to know each other to see if they're a fit for one Another and there's some benefit to that But the same time a man can get the benefit of Companionship connection and sex without any real commitment in the relationship And so what I think has happened lately is that women are less choosy in a different sense When it comes to men Because the reality is as men aren't committing as they once did now I'm not saying all men but a substantial percentage of men and sadly for The population out there there are pundits who are Advocating and I'm thinking of people like Andrew Tate who got banned from From some of the social media platforms now It's my perception that he's promoting a misogynistic point of view that men are quite superior to women and women should be Grateful for men for what they provide and Because of that they should accept bad behavior from men And I think that's really sad that that's being a you know espoused out there But at the same time what bothers me is women do accept bad behavior from men Because on some level women are waiting for that level of commitment from a man and they're investing in Relationships they're investing time and men They're investing time and men Hoping that this man will shift his perspective on commitment and studying of doing a better job of vetting the man like it once was When you had to decide is this a person I want to have a baby with now in the past It was based on financial resources in other words does this person have the resources to support me What I think's changed in the last 20 years Or 30 years since women are predominantly the ones who initiate divorce more often But I think women are actually Wanting more and more is a deeper emotional connection with a man a deeper emotional connection a man And I think that's a fair thing to want I think it's a very fair thing to want to have a relationship that has a level of depth Because if you can take care of yourself if you can financially take care of yourself Then the need to have the man be the provider protector per se Isn't as great Okay, and that's not to say that we shouldn't Genuinely care for our partners and want to protect them and what I mean to say is take care of them You know what it's missing today in the dating process and I said earlier how online dating has amplified this It used to be that there was a little bit of scarcity in the past when it came to dating What I meant to say is you had a very small pool of people to choose from if you grew up in tribes You grew up in villages you grew up in towns and Roughly up until about the 50s or so it was you chose people within your own social circle And there was also tribe accountability or at least social accountability in other words It used to be I for someone like myself I'm your big brother out there if I could be there for you when you're having a first date with a guy I'd have the shock done already and pointed the guy's face and say what's your intentions with my sister Well, that's certainly changed especially in the last 20 years because of these devices That there's this belief of abundance of opportunities And what can happen is people can end a relationship today and literally be online and have a date within 24 hours or less so when there's this and what I mean by scarcity From the mindset of it was like look I have to there's a small pool of people to choose from I Should be more selective and now men and women are not as selective as they used to be And I think it's more and men are less picky because the ease of getting physical Intimacy by literally a click of a button men are less picky Did you know that men swipe right on profiles somewhere between 40 and 60% of the time? Men are less picky because they're barrier to entry into Not a relationship their barrier entry to the sex is very low because these days sex is practically given freely And I don't mean that as an absolute but it's practically given freely And so men can swipe away and hook up with somebody and make little or no commitment And this is why I'm a big advocate for women to be more selective Let's go back to the 50s if you will and be way more selective on who you invest time in And I know you're frustrated because many of you think I have to add I have to acquiesce to a man because men are the gatekeepers of commitment Well, guess what ladies? You're the gatekeepers of sex This sounds kind of maybe even draconian if you will but I'm here to say Emotional as well as physical intimacy should be earned between two people Listen, I'm sounding very puritan here. I'm sounding very righteous But I'm also witnessing that the number one emotional health issue facing most people is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likeable and Because of that there's a distressing lack of self-love Coming back to my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work There's a distressing lack of self-love and dating triggers This wound of I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable when we've had Experiences over and over and over again that go nowhere This is why when I work with a client my job is to help women do a better job of vetting men To do a better job of vetting them and what vetting means is Determining if he's worth your mind body soul and spirit Instead of the traditional way that we've operated that chemistry equals Relationship success folks chemistry alone doesn't really equal relationship success compatibility in the areas of values lifestyle and more importantly emotional maturity and Women tend to read more relationship books than men women tend to read it doesn't mean you're good at Practicing it, but you're certainly reading it more than men So it's incumbent upon you to be more picky and I'm gonna say something you're not gonna like either It's incumbent upon you to treat it as a part-time job Because we're see we're swimming in a sea of strangers and whether we like it or not We'd love the fantasy that Prince Charming will just come up and rescue us with our glass slippers ain't gonna happen It's gonna require work on your part and in my realm It's only I'm only asking for a half hour a day of effort on your part whether it's swiping whether it's communicating Whether it's going out on dates meeting for coffee Cumulatively a couple hours a week if you feel like that's too much to invest Then are you really ready for a relationship? Because the delusion that it's just gonna walk into your door and certainly during COVID It was much harder to meet people because we're not out in them in the marketplace if you will It's gonna require to be ultra picky now not from the sense of Discriminating someone based on trivial things like how tall they are or such like that I don't know. I've had women who are five foot to say I refuse to date a man six foot two or under Because I want to feel protected. Well ladies Bruce Lee was five six and he could kick the butt of a dozen guys all at once And by the way, the average Navy SEAL is five six five nine and a half and they're the baddest mother You know mother's on the planet, but I'm here to say Don't give into the narrative that many of the people are espousing that you're the problem You have every right to be picky. Let me just say this and more importantly be picky when it comes to emotional maturity Because there's a lot of emotionally and emotional maturity really relates to relationship skills So humans that do Introspective work that if healed childhood wounds and traumas are more apt to be able to have the skills to lean into a relationship Because without it relationships are a heck of a lot of work and the work is overcoming our own issues When you've done the inner work You become more of a magnetic attractor for someone else that's done the work and when they've done Introspective work as well. They're better prepared to lean into a healthier happy relationship So men are less picky because they operate most often that chemistry equals relationship success Your job is to focus on shared values blendable lifestyle and more importantly emotional maturity Doesn't matter how tall he is or what kind of car he drives What matters most is is this person emotionally mature enough to lean into? A healthy happy relationship. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know post a comment below I want to hear your thoughts on everything. I just shared from beginning to end Because I'm here to say whether we like it or not It's gonna take more effort because we no longer live in a village where we can see the person We're gonna probably make with and because of that. It's gonna take a little more effort All right, that's my two cents on that I'd like to hear your thoughts on this as I said below. Please post about if you're watching this Please tell your friends about my group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis Asking questions for a nominal fee of $20 a month you can have direct access to me So go to my website Jonathan as a comm send your friends there have them click the group coaching button So they can join our fantastic group and I'm gonna sign up this video As I always do first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear a pillow and give either them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives And let's check out this beautiful sunrise that's happening Take care. Bye now