 We delay the start of our scheduled program. We have delayed the start of our scheduled program to bring you a special bulletin from CBS Radio News on the presidential primaries in Nebraska and Wisconsin. In Wisconsin, in the Republican primary, Taft 9,257, Stassen 5,549, Warren 4,510. In the Democratic primary in Wisconsin, Kefauver 3,321, Jerome Fox Uninstructed 367, Charles Broughton, Truman Draft 322. In the Nebraska primaries, only 87 votes have been counted. They show Taft and Kefauver leading the Republican and Democratic tickets. But of course, this is only the first fragmentary count. Stay tuned to CBS Radio for further returns. We now resume our regularly scheduled program. The makers of Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Si Howard, directed by Mack Benoff, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Pasquale. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spearman whether you're working, shopping, listening to your radio, or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spearman gum tastes good, it's refreshing, and the good, easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. So chew Wrigley's Spearman gum often, every day. Millions enjoy it, and you will too. Now, Wrigley's Spearman chewing gum brings you Luigi, as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. It's April 1st today in America, and they got a big sign. April showers bring my flowers. Well, with me, April 1st brings a guy's electric and a telephone bills. I wish you could see all the mail I've got this morning. Besides the bill, I've got a lot of advertisements. Like one card that says, bring this to your grocery, he's going to give you two bottles of soap for free if you give him a 25 cents. Yes, there's one more letter I got that you didn't know belonged to me, and I'm open up by mistake. There's some letter from my country, I'm on a Pasquale, and I had the $100 inside. As soon as I clean up at my antique shop, I'm not going to Pasquale's spaghetti palace and I'll give him his letter. I don't get it, Pasquale, you see. What was the idea of shoving your own letter under this Pasco's door? Lefty. Today is April Foolish Day, right? Yeah. Well, there you are. That's it. That little pupsqueak always likes to celebrate all the American holidays, so I'm going to let him celebrate April Foolish Day. I'm so smart, I should have win me the Putzler Prize. Okay, so what do you want me to do? Just to do like I told you, Lefty, don't ask us so many questions. This is going to be the easiest of five bucks you made since the probation. No, that ain't it. Quiet, quiet, it comes with a little green heart and now, you better sit down at one of those tables and don't forget the signal. Okay, okay. Hello, Pasquale. Hello, little banana nose. Oh, you're looking beautiful this morning. The way your shoes all are shined up, pants are nice and pressed, bow tie, face shining, and long and curly hair just to beggin' for a poodle haircut. Hello, Pasquale, I'm glad that you're feeling so good today. Here, I open up one of your letters and by mistake. What? Quick, hide the letter. Hurry up. Huh? What's the matter, Pasquale? Did I something wrong? Worst than a wrong, a wronger. Open up for somebody else as a male is a terrible crime in America. Huh? Violation of the Frigerator Law. What's the Frigerator Law? Using the males to defrost. You're making a joke. No, no, Luigi, I'm just telling you, you should always remember, break somebody's window, fight toward a cop, or rob a bank if you wanna, but never touch anybody else as a male. And you know why? Why? Because right away the FBI marks you AWL. AWL? What's this to mean? Alien, what opens the letters. You know what, if I started, all I did was make a little mistake. A little mistake is an excuse to the law. It's a lucky thing you open a my letter, not a stranger's. Now, slip on me the damage nobody should see. I like to hear the letter Pasquale just like I'm a fan of it. That's it from Mr. Roberts, my steadyest customer. This is, uh, Dear Mr. Pasquale, and close the fine of $15 a cash, which takes care of my spaghetti bill for March. $50? How Pasquale was only $1 in his side. What? Luigi, I wouldn't mind to defend you on a letter open at a charge, but never steal in the money. In America, that's called awesome. Awesome? Yes, and over $25 bucks worth is a voice. That's a call Larson. Larson? Of course. Now, I couldn't attestify against you if you was to be my daughter's husband. Huh? Well, I'll take you pick awesome or awesome or awesome. You're just trying to scare me. Nothing wrong is to happen. Nothing wrong is to happen, huh? Okay. You hear me? Okay. Oh, pardon me, bud. Uh, who are you? Well, I just happened over here to hold conversation, see? And I happen to be a Postal Office Inspector, see? Postal Office Inspector, see? Don't remind him of Mr. Postal Office Inspector. By see, he means a yes. I guess he didn't really believe you were a real officer. Well, there it is, right on my driver's license. I'm afraid you're in trouble, bud. Trebbler? Well, what do you say now, Mr. Know-it-all? What kind of trouble is he in, Mr. Officer? And please, it'd be good to him. Well, we give him a choice. Five years or ten years? Five out of ten years. Well, Luigi, go ahead. You win the five and ten. Take your pick. Come on, let me. I'm going to go get advice. Go, babe. Hey, come here. I've got to make a pen. Tension yourself. I'm going to go to school. Goodbye, Alpha class. Oh, what an April of Foolish joke. Lefty, you couldn't have acted better if you was at the LeBaribas. Hey, here's to you five bucks. Hey, thanks, Pascuali. Hey, you got that character real scared. Weren't you supposed to tell him the whole thing was just an April Foolish joke? That's the way it started out, Lefty. But who knows? Maybe that April of Fool could turn my daughter into a June of Bride. Quiet, please, class. Please. I'll call the roll. Mr. Vasco? Here. Mr. Howard? Yeah? Mr. Olsen? Mr. Schultz? I accept the nomination. Oh, thank you, fellow boobles. And remember my promise. A vote for Schultz in November is a vote for chaos in December. Mr. Schultz, that will be enough clowning. Oh, shit. Mr. Schultz, that will be enough clowning. Oh, smile, Miss Barley. It's spring. There's only shining. The birds are singing. Lovers are humming. The whole world is in tune. You may answer the first question, Mr. Toscanini. Me and my big mouse. We are studying state capitals today, class. And Mr. Schultz, you... Mr. Vasco, what's the matter? Well, Miss Barley, today I'm... I'm open up for Pascuali's letter by mistake. Well, there's supposed to be $50 in the side. I'm a fund-only one. But a Pascuali says, I'll send a lesson to the person in the post office who wants to pinch me. Oh, Luigi, are you for Schimmert? Believe it or not, Schultz, I understood him. Look, Luigi, anybody can make a mistake once in a while and open up a wrong letter. You're hot-ass through by him. Yo, my nephew wants to open up a letter and they sent him away for three years. Really? Where was the letter from? He's trapped. Bored. I can't take you, oh, by him. Very good, Olsen. Listen to them. Olsen and Horowitz. The United Nations, Martin and Louis. Oh, look, Luigi, I'm sure Pascuali won't make you no trouble. Just forget the whole thing. I think so, too, Mr. Vasco. Yeah, but it's a foreign letter. Yeah, but it's a $49 admission from my envelope. Miss Baldwin, the inspectors are going to make him in trouble. I could tell it the way he's tried to grab me. Luigi, be practical. Even if the post office inspector was there at the time and he did see everything, they can't do a thing to you unless Pascuali wants to prosecute. Yeah, and for immediately $49, Pascuali wouldn't slap you in the cling really? You think he would? Without a doubt. Pascuali would kill himself if he could only figure out a way to come back and collect the insurance. Then I'm in a big trouble. Shame on you, Mr. Schultz, frightening him like that. Ah, Schmai, Luigi, I was only trying to make a choice. Mr. Vasco, the whole thing is just a misunderstanding. You talked to Mr. Pascuali after school. Tell him the truth. You found only $1 in the letter. Yeah, but I'm already telling him this. Look, Luigi, maybe it dropped out. Did you look all over the store? Yeah, all over Horowitz. Then you should look again. Leave no stone unturned. That's what they say on the rock pile. Oh, Schmai, Luigi, nothing is going to come from all this. Believe me. I'm sure Schultz, a well-inspected was there Pascuali as you looked at me very strictly. Like he thought I was a lion. I'm afraid that maybe he's going to let him put me in jail. Why, that's ridiculous, Mr. Vasco. Look, if you're so worried, why don't you go downtown to the main post office, see the officials there, and explain the whole thing to them. And me? Go to the post office? Well, Luigi, 10 million Americans do it every day to fill their fountain pens. That's right, you got nothing to lose, Luigi. You ought to be sure. The truth usually has a way of shining through. That's right. Luigi, tell him you got the letter. You opened it up by mistake. There was $1 inside. And that's what you gave for Schmai. But it shows so well if any inspector doesn't believe in me. But then you get... Well, after Luigi, stop worrying. We'll visit you in Alcatraz and call the roll every Sunday. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's a suggestion that'll make your daily work a little easier and more enjoyable. Chew refreshing wriggly spearmint gum while you work. You see, chewing on a good, smooth piece of wriggly spearmint gum just naturally helps keep you feeling right. It helps relieve that feeling of tension and pressure, gives you comfort and satisfaction. Then, too, wriggly spearmint gum gives you a lively, long-lasting, real spearmint flavor that freshens your mouth and helps keep your throat moist. Yes, friends, that little stick of wriggly spearmint chewing gum can be a real help to you while you're working. Try it and see for yourself. Chew wriggly spearmint gum on the job and see how the pleasant chewing makes your work go smoother and easier. Now, let's turn to page 2 Luigi Basko's letter to his mother in Italy. Well, my mommy, I've now got a worse day of my life in front of me. But before I go down to the post office to beg them that they should believe me, I'm not gonna go see post quality. Right now, through the window, I can see he's calling somebody. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa, come out of the kitchen. Yes, my little Cupid doll. Tell me, Rosa, did that? Luigi talked with you yesterday? Oh! Oh, what's the matter, my baby? Oh! Sure. And when he feels terrible enough, he might decide to marry you. Rosa, this whole thing started as an April Foolish joker, but now the whole thing is bigger than a bolt of us. If it's possible. It's happened! Quiet. Here he comes now. Go back to the kitchen. Yes, Pop! No, Basko, you gotta believe him. Tell me, Basko, you got it. Believe me, you're about a wild little cabbage bush. Basko, you know I'm gonna take you $49. Sure, Luigi, I know you didn't take the money. How could you? After all, I look like you like my own son. Oh, thank you, Basko. Now, give me back the money and I drop out of charges. Basko, you just decided... Never mind what I said. Just listen to me. As far as I'm concerned, I don't be willing to forget the whole thing, but that J.A.D. Gohovers are cracking down even more open as of this year. No, but, Basko, I didn't... Luigi, let me warn you, don't say anything I might hold against you in a court. Court? What court? Who knows? There's lots of courts. You're in the soup, so I guess they're gonna take you to the superior court. After all, Luigi, that's a terrible, terrible charge that they got against you. Housebreaking into a letter. Basko, you don't believe in me. Luigi, believe in me. I think you innocent even though you're guilty. But in the eyes of the law, you are now what is called a habeasic corpus. Habeasic corpus? That's a mean of half a corpse. Now, is it too late, Luigi? Now, you've got a choice of three juries. There's the grand. That's it for people who steal over $1,000. Then there's the blue ribbon, a jury, which tries mostly beer cases. And then, then, Luigi, they've got to the hunger. They've got to the hunger. They've got to the hunger. They've got to the hunger. They've got to the hunger. They've got to the hunger. They've got to the hunger. Then, Luigi, they've got to the hunger jury. Hunger jury? Yes, they hang you first to the trial later. I know, Basko. Now, I know you're making a joke from the whole thing. You don't care what's happening to me. No, no, don't say that, Luigi. I feel very sorry for you. If I was in your boats now, you know what I do? I would have gone down to Lake Michigan, hire one of those half a dollar an hour old boats and aim for Italy. And goodbye. Goodbye, my, my, my, my good friend. Oh, wait, Luigi, come back. Where are you going? To the boss's office to beg you for my life. Yes, sir. Yes, sir? How many stamps, sir? No, no, no, no, thanks, sir. I'm, I'm going to talk to the boss. Is he in? Well, you want the superintendent? Huh? What am I going to do with a janitor? The superintendent is in charge of this office, sir. Oh, he's the, he's the biggest to boss, huh? Well, no, no, above him there's the fourth assistant postmaster, and his superior is the third assistant postmaster. Then there's the second assistant postmaster, and above him is the first assistant postmaster. And, and he's the biggest, huh? No, no, no, the top man is the postmaster general. Oh, why did I get too big army as a draft to them, huh? Sir, if you tell me what your problem is, I might be able to direct you. Well, mister, he's about a letter. I'm, I'm open up by mistake. Oh, do you have the letter? No, I think maybe the inspector is a talkative. What inspector? From the post office. Would you know his name? Sure, Mr. Lefty. Lefty? I, I think you want to see the chief inspector, Mr. Simmons, or he's in room 214 upstairs. Oh, thank you. The post office is going to take up your time without giving you some little business. Excuse me, Mr. Inspector. Can I come inside your office? I, I'm, I'm going to ask you something. All right, what can I do for you, sir? My name is Luigi Bascone, and I'm a comment to tell you about a post quality is a letter which I'm open up by mistake, but there was no $49 in his side. It's just a $1 bill with Mr. Washington is a picture. Believe me, that's was all that there was. Well, let's see if we can get some facts down. Luigi Bascone. How do you spell that? Luigi Bascone, that's a big L and a big B. Everything else is a tiny with a two dots on the top of a I, I, I. Luigi Bascone. Okay? A dress? A 21 in North Hollister State. Is that Chicago one? You mean there's a two Chicago's? I meant the zone number, Mr. Bascone. Oh, that's a, that's a number of 22. Oh, not in, Mr. Bascone. I'll begin at the beginning and tell me the whole story. Well, I'm at the beginning. Bascone's letter was a comment to me by mistake and I'm open up by mistake. How do you inspect it? My inspector, what was his name? Mr. L'Efti. Hmm, the name isn't familiar. What do you look like? He's a, he's a water greener, pants a checker, coat, sweaty shoes, a bigger cigar, I think he's a work on a railroad this summer time. On the railroad? Yeah, in his hand there was a carry news of pepper chips at the track. There's no such inspector working out of this office. Mr. Bascone, since the department has already taken steps in your case, I'm afraid my hands are tied. Oh, no, please, please, I'm afraid my hands are tied. I'm not happy at the city, isn't I? And I don't want to get in trouble with the government. Mr. Bascone, I can't do a thing for you. And then remember you're going to talk to the Bascone, huh? Tell him I didn't take the money. Mr. Bascone, you're just wasting time now. Mr. Chief, I'm a promise to you. If you help me, I'm not going to help you back. I'm not going to write to my mama three times a day, special delivery, air and mail. You're not going to make so much money from me, you're going to retire in one year. Mr. Bascone, for the last time, there is nothing I can do for you. Now go home and wait till the department sends for you. Yes, Mr. Chief. I'm better don't worry. I'm still going to buy my stamps if I'm from you. That's the matter, Russia. You've got to take it. And you wasn't worried about me, Russia? Yes. Russia, I'm in a terrible, terrible trouble. No, Luigi, you're not. H-Happily-fool. You mean the Bascones have never had a $50 in that thing? No. Papa sent the letter under your door. But, but, but did that to the inspector? That's lefty from the pool room. Papa gave him $5 to be an inspector. My, my, my, my, my, my dear. Oh, Russia, you don't know it, but what do you just discover me back America? Oh, Russia, you never was a looker so good to me like you look right now. And Russia, Russia, I'm, I'm going to kiss you. And on your birthday. Look, Russia, Russia, you want to help me play a little, a little joke on you, Papa? What kind of joke, Luigi? April the Fool, a joke, Russia. Well, no, then don't worry. First time I got to see chief of the inspector, then I'm going to see some of my friends. Then it's going to start all of the fun. Oh, yeah, Luigi. What? When is your birthday, Russia? Next December. You got him, I promise. Luigi, did he really wrong? No way. What a crazy kid. Read this suicide note. He left me after he died. Oh, Luigi. Dear Pascuali, you must rise. I got it no choice. So I'm going to hire a robot and roll to Italy. Guy Yemeni, he is a brave man. Yes. I hope the tide is with him. Here, Pascuali, you finish the letter. I ain't got the heart to. All right. Friends, don't be too hard with Pascuali. He thinks I really stole his $49. Oh, listen, you stupid ladder. I don't think it all. I think it's just an apple full of joke. What? Pascuali, you have a very stupid, cruel sense of humor. That's right. You've sent Luigi 5,000 miles in a rowboat. And that's carrying a joke too far. Who figured it would take the whole thing so serious? I only... just a plain little apple full of joke. Schultz, what else did he write? He wrote a P.S. That's a standard for Pascuali. P.S., everything I got in the world, I leave to the best friend I ever had. Pascuali. Don't, don't Schultz. That's enough. Read on Schultz, please. Read more. Wait a minute. I got to ring out my handkerchief. Schultz, what's going to happen with Luigi? Pascuali, what has got to be is got to be. You know, we got those aliens in the delicatessen business. If you were born to be a salami, you'll never wind up in the army. Very funny, Schultz, very funny. Oh, you're wrong. Mr. Yeenie is with the yolk, Schultz. Oh, stop with that. You crazy morons, you. How can you stand a dirty laugh for when Luigi might be floating right now on the bottom of the ocean? Stop crying so much, Pascuali. It ain't as if Luigi was the last fellow in the world for Rosa. That sort of trouble he was. I got to call up with the police department, the fire department. Pascuali, come here. Let me go. All right. Which one of you is Pascuali? Who's this? Lefty, what do you do with this, Pascuali? Check it up, Pascuali. I'm Chief Inspector Simmons, United States Post Office. And your Confederate Lefty here has already confessed and incriminated you. He's not to criminalize me. I didn't do nothing. Mr. Pascuali, it's a criminal offence to use the mails as a medium for practical jokes. That's a lie. I never slept that ladder under Luigi's adorn. I got 12 witnesses who didn't save me dough it. It's too bad Luigi ain't here to testify against you, Pascuali. But I am alive. In my own way. Who said that? Who said that, Pascuali? Give up, Pascuali. Tell them how you was killed me. He's here. Who, Pascuali? Yeah, he didn't hear nobody. Luigi! That's about it. You all of that? Don't you hear him? Mr. Inspector, you heard him? Mr. Pascuali, it's just your conscience. My conscience? No, no, no, it can't be. Yes, it can be. What? Who's that? Hello from Hollywood to all of you. This is the Well of Parsons. My first exclusive. Mr. Pascuali killed Mr. Luigi Pasco. Shame, shame on him. The Well of Parsons. If she's a no, everybody's a no. All right, take him away. Expect the right kill, the right kill. Take him away. Hey, for the full of Pascuali. Luigi, Luigi. You was in the closet all the time. Sure, and I wasn't talking in this empty milk about the like of this, you see? Can of Pascuali. Can of Pascuali. I knew it all the time, Luigi. You never followed me once. Sam, where's the Well of Parsons? Well, it's the Well of Parsons. Ah. I'm a no, no. Wasn't she in the closet with you? No. Why do you know? He feigned her. All right, Luigi. No, you can't tell me. Where is Ms. Basel? Well, it shows I'm a no, no. I'm a no even to hear her voice. Defended it. In just a minute, we'll explain the mystery of Well of Parsons' voice. Friends, the makers of Wrigley Spearman chewing gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that you'll find Wrigley Spearman gum, a friendly, helpful companion to take with you wherever you go. At work, in your car, out shopping, no matter where you happen to be, you can slip a stick of refreshing Wrigley Spearman gum in your mouth and enjoy some mighty good chewing. Wrigley Spearman freshen your taste, sweetens your breath, and the chewing action helps keep your teeth clean and bright. So, chewers, take a Wrigley Spearman gum from time to time every day. Enjoy that delicious Wrigley Spearman flavor and enjoy the good, smooth chewing. Get a few packages of Wrigley Spearman chewing gum and carry a package or two with you wherever you go. The makers of Wrigley Spearman chewing gum invite you to be sure to listen next week at this time when Luigi Basko writes another letter to his mama Basko in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Cy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mr. Benhoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basko and Alan Reed as her colleague, Hans Connery as Joe, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schipp as Miss Balding, Joe Forte as Horowitz and Ken Peters as Olson. The music is of the direction of Lud Bluskin. Friends, now we can clear up the mystery of Miss Luella Parsons voice. It came from CBS Radio, in fact, right from Luigi's closet and we wish to thank her for her appearance in our program tonight. Luella's new program of Outstanding Hollywood News starts tonight on CBS Radio immediately after this program. We hope you'll all stay tuned for the Luella Parsons program. This is the CBS Radio Network.